


And There Are Some Conversations We Pretend We Never Had

by endlessmasquerading



Category: Smash (TV)
Genre: Drama, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-08 06:09:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 222,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6842011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endlessmasquerading/pseuds/endlessmasquerading
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the story of the conversations which were had over the course of Smash which we never got to see in the show, as told (mostly) by Bobby and Jessica, with a little help from Kyle and Tom and some added input from Sam, Dennis, Ivy, Karen, Jimmy and a few others along the way. There is drama, romance and a lot of Bobby's salacious theatre stories, and a little insight into some of the stories the show never chose to tell. Almost all characters make cameos and several romantic pairings do too, but at the heart this is the story of Jessica and Bobby's friendship, how it began, how it grew, and how it survives everything that happens to them before, during and after the series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Ones From Back Before Forever

**Author's Note:**

> I just have a real affection for the ensemble characters of the Smash world and, in the absence of the screen-time or spin-offs that I so would have enjoyed, I figured I should just tell their story for myself. This story will take people from the pre-series beginnings of Bobby and Jessica's friendship and through both seasons to the fall-out from the finale, and every chapter will include snatches of conversations had by different characters from before, during and after the story itself. This first chapter is almost entirely focused on Bobby and Jessica and the beginnings of their friendship and takes place entirely pre-series, but as the story goes on you will find a lot more characters will become involved, admittedly mostly being seen from Bobby's and Jessica's perspective but occasionally from other perspectives too - I'll always make sure to give a note as to which episodes are encompassed in a chapter at the start. Later chapters will place much more importance on Kyle and Tom as well as on relationships other than Bobby and Jessica's friendship, both romantic and otherwise, but for now I just hope people enjoy a little bit of Bobby and Jessica's world. And, one final note: yes, I have posted this fic on FF net too - I will eventually get all the chapters from over there up on here too and then will hopefully finally have a new chapter to add to it (after a very long hiatus!) shortly after. Thank you for reading x

_‘So Jess is just useless by this point – I mean she is literally stood on a chair in the corner of the room screaming with laughter – and all I’ve got to hand is this fan so I’m waving that around trying to shoo the thing out, still wearing the dress from before, totally not prepared for Jay to pick that moment to come storming into the room all: “Bobby, please can y-”...er, excuse me? This is a private story. Good, ok, yeah. Sheesh. Oh, hey, Si, can we get some more drinks over here? Yes. Please. Thank you. Anyway, where was I?_ _Right, so he comes storming in, yelling at me, of course, and I'm just stood in the middle of the room...’_

***

 

 

Jessica had already begun her apologies before she’d reached the stage. All around the auditorium there was a flurry of dance and activity and the stage was packed with people all already warmed up and ready to start the day. It was just a one-night-only show, something she’d gone in for as a way to tide herself over between jobs (after all, she could always use the extra cash.) But it wasn’t like her to be late, no matter how temporary the job, and she knew better than to mess any director or choreographer around for fear of getting a reputation. She cursed under her breath slightly, ruing her faulty alarm clock and the battle she’d had to wade through on the subway. Lydia, the show’s choreographer, was standing at the head of the stage, overseeing the rehearsal of a routine Jessica knew she was supposed to be involved in and she groaned to herself before quickly dashing up the steps to the stage.

‘Lydia, I am so sorry! So, so sorry! Give me like, two minutes to change and I’ll be ready I swear.’ As she came to a halt she finally stopped to take in the scene before her. Dancers were milling about, all of them familiar faces from the first rehearsal yesterday. The group Lydia was watching were standing on a podium centre-stage, all girls rehearsing a section of the closing number. Only, they were being led by someone Jessica had never seen before. And, to her surprise, she realised he was dancing in her place. ‘Hey, who’s that?’ She let her bag slip from her shoulder as she studied her stand-in, scrutinizing him closely, a tiny frown knitting her pretty features. Lydia finally turned to glance at Jessica, temporarily confused by her sudden presence, before looking back to the rehearsal in front of them. The man was seemingly lost to the routine by this point, his dark hair flicking wildly out with every movement of his head, his hips twisting in perfect time with the rest of the group and his mouth hanging open slightly as he rolled them and stamped his feet.

‘Oh! You mean Bobby?’ Lydia nodded slowly, her lips twisting up as she let out a small laugh. ‘He’s a chorus boy from over at Hairspray.’ Just then, Bobby flicked his dark hair out of his eyes and struck his pose triumphantly, jutting out his hip and putting almost all the girls to shame. The grin on his face suggested he knew exactly how good he looked up there and he turned to the others and shrugged. A couple of the girls offered him high-fives and they laughed at something he said to them before they began to disband and jump down from the podium. Bobby blew his hair out of his face and sat himself down at the podium’s edge, smiling flirtatiously at Joe – another dancer who was standing by the side of the podium stretching. Jessica watched the exchange and found herself mildly amused by the fact that, even all the way over at the side of the stage, she could still see the devious twinkle in Bobby’s dark eyes as he looked Joe up and down. Lydia too was smiling and she shrugged, as though she had seen a similar display from the man many times before. ‘Yeah, Liam had to drop out sick and Bobby agreed to do this last minute. He always needs the money, and he said it was a better way of spending his week off than waiting tables. I think he’s allergic to any job that doesn’t involve jazz hands, you know the sort,’ Lydia smirked, rolling her eyes fondly and Jessica couldn’t help but laugh too, tipping her head slightly in acknowledgement.

‘Oh Lydiaaaa, I can hear you talking about me!’ Bobby’s voice cut into their conversation, sing-song and sarcastic, and when Lydia and Jessica turned back to look at him they saw he was still perching on the edge of the podium, his dark eyes flashing mischievously as he leaned on Joe’s shoulder. He waggled his eyebrows at the two of them and Lydia shook her head at him, sighing in half-hearted frustration.

‘And Bobby, I can see you flirting with my dancers instead of letting them rehearse,’ she called back and Bobby simply grinned at her.

 

As Lydia turned to walk away, Bobby blew a kiss at her before slowly turning his eyes back to Jessica, tilting his head to one side as he looked her up and down. When she saw his dark eyes watching her, Jessica quickly folded her arms, raising an eyebrow at him in challenge and trying to suppress a smile. Bobby smirked back at her then, quickly jumping down from the podium and coming over.

‘You are trying to steal my place in the last number,’ she scolded him lightly as he approached, and, though she pointed a dainty, accusing finger at him, she couldn’t help but let her lips curve upwards at the bold, mischievous way he grinned at her.

‘Hey, I can’t help that I’m fabulous,’ he remarked, his voice dripping with a condescension that should not have endeared him to her as much as it did. She couldn’t help but think there was something charmingly evil about his eyes. ‘And anyway, you were late, Blondie.’ Jessica opened her mouth to protest but he cut her off, offering out his hand to her. ‘I’m Bobby, by the way.’ Jessica didn’t take his hand right away, instead keeping her arms folded and trying to stare him down. Bobby waggled his eyebrows once more.

‘So I’ve heard.’ His smile didn’t waver.

‘I get that a lot. My reputation precedes me.’ Jessica laughed softly and shook her head at him, letting out a sigh as she took his hand.

‘Jessica,’ she relented. He grinned, clearly pleased with himself and she couldn’t help but think he really was the most maddening person. Yet still she couldn’t bring herself to be annoyed by him. All she could think was that it was probably really fun just to wind him up and watch him go – a good way to spend a night out, or get revenge on your enemies.

‘Nice to meet you, Jessica,’ Bobby smiled as he relinquished her hand. He stepped back and began to move away. ‘You know, we should go for drinks later,’ he added over his shoulder and Jessica blinked.

‘Why?’ she laughed, confused. Bobby began to walk backwards, his eyes scanning her up and down once more.

‘Er, because I’m fierce and you’re adorable. Why the hell not?’ he shrugged – turning his back to her once more as he sauntered away.

 

***

 

 _‘Because.’ Bobby paused to pluck the olives from his drink, letting some liquid drip from them onto his tongue. ‘That’s it. That’s the end of my reasoning._ _Just...because.’ He breathed the words like she was missing the most obvious of points and_ _Jessica smirked and rolled her eyes at him. ‘Look, I don’t know whether you’d noticed but; I give good face, lady. So I need a best friend who won’t be totally overshadowed by me. And you’re as cute as a bug.’ He smiled winningly. ‘Now, are you going to do shots with me, or do I have to find a new chorus girl to gossip with?’ Jessica bit her lip and studied him a moment, but Bobby had never quite mastered the art of patience and he sighed theatrically, fixing his new friend with the sternest gaze his brown eyes could muster. ‘So: you in or you in?’_

***

 

 

Jessica groaned and pulled the pillow over her head, angry at the sunlight which was filtering through into her bedroom. She had been up most of the night, embroiled in a marathon gossip with Bobby about everything from her love life to the theatre, and she found that she was now too hungover to be alarmed at just how much she’d shared with someone she’d only met the previous morning. She forced herself to sit up in her bed and wrapped herself tightly in her covers, waiting a few minutes for the room to stop tilting back and forth before she tentatively began pushing herself to the edge of the bed. The last thing she actually remembered was Bobby climbing over the bar to make cocktails, although there were fuzzy images in her mind of dancing with him on the subway ride home and him carrying her to her bed. Woozily she reached for her phone, which was lying on the floor beside her bed. Three missed calls; her on-off boyfriend Jake, her friend Ivy and her agent. She grimaced, deciding she was unable to face any of them before she’d had coffee.

 

Just as she had staggered to her feet and was about to head for the kitchen, her phone began ringing and she gladly took the excuse to flop back onto her bed, pulling the covers more tightly around her and pressing the phone to her ear, her heavy eyelids closing as her head made contact with her pillows.

‘Heeeeey,’ the voice down the line was sharp and chipper and everything Jessica wasn’t feeling and she winced at the sound.

‘Oh my God, it’s you. Cocktail Boy,’ she groaned, burying her head inside her covers and closing her eyes more tightly shut.

‘Well, I’ve been called worse,’ Bobby replied.

‘How are you okay?!’

‘Er, coz there’s a Starbucks, like, right around the corner from my place. And I’ve spent about...three hours in there already.’ He paused. ‘Oh my God, you’ve only just woken up haven’t you!’ Bobby gasped suddenly, cackling – or at least, it felt like cackling to Jessica – and she could just imagine the sly grin on his face as he spoke. ‘Wow, Cutie, I thought you were made of stronger stuff.’

‘Urgh, I am never drinking with you again. Or letting you mix me any cocktails – I mean, what did you even put in those things?’ Bobby laughed again and Jessica whimpered. ‘I can take my drink, ok? It’s you I can’t take.’

‘Aw, but I thought we were friends now.’

‘You made me dance on the subway.’

‘I didn’t make you, you offered. And anyway, it was to Bootylicious and you can’t not dance to that. Besides, I carried you home after. I even tucked you in.’ She could just hear him pouting, could hear the sparkle of hurt in his eyes even, and that was something which registered with her clearly, even through the fog of her hungover brain. Because there was one thing she was sure of; he cared a lot more than he wanted to let on. And the more she thought about it, the more she remembered of his sweetness the night before. The way he offered her sincere advice about her boyfriend woes and him hugging her when she got cold on the walk back to her place. She remembered him insisting he walk her home and asking her repeatedly if she was ok as she fumbled with her keys. Sure, he’d been giggling just as much as she had, and there was no way she’d imagined him falling over and dropping her when he finally got the door open (she could feel the bruise that was forming on her thigh from the impact). But the point was he’d made sure she got home safely. And he’d tucked her in, with goodnight kisses and everything. She remembered him still giggling as he disappeared through her bedroom door. ‘And I got you coffee,’ Bobby’s voice interrupted Jessica’s thoughts suddenly and a smile tugged at her lips.

‘You got me coffee, Chorus Boy?’

‘Er, yeah. I want us to be BFF, Jessica. And everyone knows you’re supposed to buy your hungover BFF coffee,’ he shot back and she laughed.

‘Alright so where is this coffee then?’ she asked. At that moment she heard the buzzer sound for her apartment and she frowned, sitting up in bed then immediately regretting it as the room seemed to spin around her.

‘So, shall I just come right in and give you the coffee or would you rather I carry on waiting outside your door and scaring the neighbours?’ Bobby smirked down the line.

‘Come on in, Stalker,’ Jessica replied with a grin.

 

***

 

_‘Wow, nice place, Blondie. It looks so much better in the daylight.’ Bobby settled himself down on the bed, sitting cross-legged and sipping on one of the two coffees in his hands before handing the other to Jessica. ‘Although you really should rethink where you keep your shoes. I mean, a guy could trip over those when he’s delivering you home from a night of drunken debauchery.’ Jessica attempted to punch Bobby on the arm and he ducked out of the way, laughing. ‘Hey, caramel latte here, God! Oh, and I got doughnuts too. See, you’re liking me more and more by the minute, right?’ He ducked again, this time just avoiding a cushion being aimed at his head. ‘Wow, ok! You’re small but you’re spunky.’ Jessica laughed and rolled her eyes and they both began to pick their way through the doughnuts, sipping their coffee in amicable silence. ‘So come on, talk to me. When we left off, I seem to remember that Jake was a total dick and you are so totally better than him in every way...’_

***

 

‘Oh my God, can I have this?’ Music was playing through Jessica’s small bedroom stereo, but Bobby’s voice was clear all the same, even from inside her closet. She was trying to apply her lipstick, but in the mirror she could see Bobby emerging from her closet, wrapped in a sequinned scarf which he was stroking as though it were made of pure gold. She couldn’t stifle her laugh as he twirled for her, striking a pose.

‘You look ridiculous,’ she told him bluntly, turning around and putting her hands on her hips.

‘Actually, I look fierce,’ he retorted dramatically and he grabbed up a pair of sunglasses from the heap of her clothes he had been pawing through, slipping them on and proceeding to catwalk up and down the small space of her bedroom. The more she laughed the more he played up for her until eventually she was forced to throw a discarded shoe at him.

‘Quit it, Chorus Boy, you’re supposed to be helping me choose what to wear, not stealing all my clothes,’ Jessica warned him, holding up her hair in a ponytail and studying her reflection thoughtfully before scrunching up her face and dropping it down, sweeping all her hair to one side instead. ‘I’ve known you...what, three weeks now? And you’ve spent half that time admiring my shoe collection, so now’s the time to make yourself useful and help me get ready because we’re going to be late.’ Bobby smiled sweetly at her in the mirror and she sighed tersely, turning to face him. ‘What?’

‘Nothin’. You’re just cute when you’re angry. I mean really, you should try that on a straight guy some time, you could get some serious action,’ Bobby raised an eyebrow suggestively and Jessica pointed her hairbrush at him in warning. Bobby simply laughed, throwing his hands up in surrender before going over to the bed and examining the plethora of dresses discarded there. After a moment he picked up one still on its hanger and held it up for her. ‘This dress. And you keep your hair down because you are flawless without having to do a thing. Simple jewellery, you wear the shoes you just tried to kill me with, and then you drink cocktails ‘til dawn.’ Bobby raised his eyebrows, daring her to go against him, and Jessica let out a contented sigh.

‘See, I knew there was a reason we became friends.’ She grabbed the dress from him and began dashing around her bedroom as Bobby settled himself down on her bed.

‘By the way, not that I’m counting but...we’ve actually known each other a month now.’ Jessica stopped rushing then and turned round to look at Bobby properly.

‘I know. Just testing,’ she shrugged and Bobby looked up at her, his lips curving up in a smile which was unusually gentle for him. His dark eyes were sparkling, but not with their usual air of deviousness, and so Jessica winked at him, giving him a soft smile of her own. ‘You’re softer than you want people to believe, Chorus Boy.’ Bobby chuckled and looked down.

‘Keep telling yourself that, Blondie,’ he mumbled, picking at a thread in a sparkly pink cushion and trying to hide his smile.

 

They were the last to arrive and Jessica had to forcibly drag Bobby away from the bar to stop him flirting with the bartender.

‘You flirt with him every time we come here – he’s not even gay!’

‘Doesn’t mean he can’t be turned, Jess.’ She attempted to glare at him but he met her look with a smile and all she could do was cuff him lightly round the head and pull him over to the table where her friends were waiting. ‘What did you say your friend’s name was again?’

‘Ivy. And you’re going to love her.’

‘But am I, Jessica? Really?’ Bobby retorted.

‘Yes. And she’s probably going to be up to sing any second so just try and behave yourself for five minutes, ok?’ Jessica said through gritted teeth before turning to face the table of people they had stopped by. ‘Hey, guys, sorry I’m late. This is Bobby by the way. Bobby, this is everyone.’ As soon as the introductions were completed, Bobby began talking like he’d known the group his whole life and Jessica couldn’t honestly say she was surprised. She watched him a moment; his hair was slicked back smartly for the occasion and it meant that his eyes were, for once, not even partially hidden by his hair. And those dark eyes were flashing more dangerously than ever. It was captivating, almost; he demanded friendship with those eyes, issuing it as a challenge that was both thrilling and terrifying. She felt Sam lean across the table towards her.

‘He doesn’t bite, does he?’ he chuckled, watching Bobby carefully, and Jessica smirked.

‘Only a little,’ she teased. ‘But thank you for inviting him. I came so close to calling Jake but then Bobby found out and stole my phone and then more or less invited himself, actually, now I think about it.’

‘Yeah, well, if he’s keeping you away from that jerk of an ex then he’s more than welcome here.’ Jessica smiled and briefly rested her head on Sam’s shoulder.

‘Thank you, Sam. And happy birthday, by the way.’ She sat up then, looking round ‘So, where’s your best girl? Is she going to sing for you like she said?’ Sam smiled and nodded his head towards the stage, where Ivy was deep in conversation with the pianist. Jessica nodded and then raised her glass. ‘Well then, here’s to you birthday boy.’

 

After a few minutes, an elbow in her ribcage distracted Jessica from her conversation with Sam and she turned to see Bobby leaning over, his head close to hers and his eyes on someone who’d just come through the door.

‘Please tell me you know that guy,’ Bobby breathed, his eyebrows waggling. Jessica followed his gaze and then groaned when she saw who it was.

‘No. No. You hear me? No. His name is Dennis and he’s one of our best friends and he’s actually the sweetest. And unlike you, he doesn’t come with claws. So paws off, Kitty Fierce, this one’s off limits.’

‘Spoil sport.’

‘I keep you in check.’

‘You cramp my style.’ Jessica hit Bobby lightly and he laughed, shoving her back before defiantly standing up and heading off to intercept Dennis’ path to their table. Jessica watched, helpless as Bobby introduced himself and then began to pull Dennis towards the bar.

 

By the time Bobby returned, Ivy was already singing and Jessica was looking on with a smile as her friend’s voice reverberated around the room. Bobby sat down next to her and leant in close once more, setting a drink down in front of her, his eyes not leaving Ivy.

‘Ok, you were right. I love her. I mean, I want to be her. Like, I want to climb inside her body and be her. She’s amazing.’ Bobby sipped his own drink and sat back, his jaw dropping slightly as Ivy hit a high note. Jessica simply laughed.

‘Yeah, I told you so.’

 

***

 

_‘Where did I find him?’ Jessica frowned, slowly following Ivy’s eye-line before realisation dawned. ‘Oh, you mean Bobby? Yeah...I didn’t, actually. He sort of found me. Or at least; he danced to Destiny’s Child with me on the subway and decided that bound us for life so...’ she sighed and looked down. ‘Look, I know on the outside he’s all spikes and...well...glitter. But when you really get to know him he’s a teddy bear, I promise.’ Jessica laughed at the sceptical glance Ivy gave her and then looked back over to where Bobby was standing, draped elegantly along the bar as he chatted with Dennis and sipped on some ridiculous cocktail. ‘You know that guy Kira dated, the one who cheated on her? When we were out the other night I saw him. And Bobby caught me glaring so I just told him I hated him, didn’t go into it or anything, but as soon as I said it, that was it, Bobby was giving him the stink-eye across the room all night, without even asking why. It was hilarious. But...it was also kind of sweet of him, don’t you think?’ Jessica shrugged and bit her lip. ‘Just give him a chance, ok? He’s a teddy bear. A sassy teddy bear but, I don’t know...I’ve grown attached to him anyway. Seriously; give him a chance.’_

 

***

 

‘All I’m saying is that that boy must have made some sort of pact with the devil. It is the only way he can possibly still be holding down that job. Did he tell you what happened last time he worked with Derek Wills? And we both know what _his_ reputation is in this town. You don’t get second chances with directors like that, so how has Bobby managed to even get in that room without armed guards being present?!’ Ivy sighed as she linked her arm through Jessica’s. Jessica laughed and shrugged.

‘Come on, Ivy, you know Bobby is pretty good at what he does.’

‘So am I, but I’m out of work.’

‘Not for long, I thought Tom had all but promised you a role in his and Julia’s new project?’

‘Yeah, in the chorus.’

‘Nothing wrong with the chorus, Ivy. Some of us actually enjoy it.’ Ivy smiled half-heartedly.

‘I’m sorry, I’m being a killjoy. I’m starting to understand why you’ve basically ditched me for Bobby these days,’ she laughed and Jessica rested her head on her shoulder.

‘I haven’t ditched you for Bobby. He actually whines way more than you ever do,’ she joked, making Ivy chuckle slightly. ‘Seriously, you should hear him in dance class, he’s ridiculous.’

‘I hear him plenty, Jessica, and ridiculous doesn’t even come close.’

‘My ears are burning!’ a voice interrupted the girls’ conversation and they jumped, turning round to see Bobby standing behind them, his arms folded, one eyebrow arched and his brown eyes twinkling menacingly.

‘God, how do you do that?!’ Ivy gasped, putting her hand over her heart and trying to catch her breath. Bobby simply smiled at her.

‘I was a cat in a previous life?’ he suggested and when she glared at him he shrugged. ‘We’re rehearsing just up the street, I saw you two walking, I followed.’

‘Stalker,’ Jessica put in, swotting at him lightly.

‘Don’t even start with me today, Blondie. I’m not kidding,’ Bobby sighed, rolling his eyes and linking arms with both of the girls, starting to walk with them down the street. ‘Someone needs to buy me dinner and drinks so I can vent.’ Jessica and Ivy exchanged a look.

‘What happened now?’ Jessica smirked.

‘You’re not going to believe me.’

‘Try us,’ Ivy pressed and Bobby drew in a deep breath.

‘Honestly? It all started last week. And yes, there’s a guy involved. And possibly I am not entirely innocent in this whole thing but you have to side with me anyway because that’s what I would do for you, ok?’

‘Spill it,’ Jessica said and Bobby screwed up his face.

‘Fine. But there also may or may not be several live lobsters involved in the story. And they might not necessarily fit into the story where you’d expect.’

‘Seriously?’ Ivy asked.

‘Hey, would I lie?’

‘Yes!’ both girls replied.

 

***

 

_‘Oh yeah, I worked with him once. Workshop. Nightmare. I’m not even kidding: it was a disaster. Like, imagine the worst workshop you’ve ever been in and then multiply that by about...a thousand. He nearly fired me actually. Swear to God, Jess. I can’t even remember why now...although it might have had something to do with the whole Leopard Print Shoes/Cherry Pie fiasco...and then there was the big lunch-break food-fight...and my sleeping with half of the rest of the cast didn’t help...hey, did I actually ever get round to telling you about that job? It’s a good story...maybe embellished slightly over time but, seriously, it was pretty amazing. I’m kinda hazy on the details, but basically I’d just got done being a swing over at The Producers, when my agent gives me a call...’_

***

 

Bobby was perched on the edge of Jessica’s dressing table, picking his way through a bag of chips and staring at his phone whilst Jessica pinned her hair up in preparation for their next performance. As Bobby let out the occasional laugh and Jessica hummed contentedly to herself, other members of the cast came and went around the two of them, leaving them in an amicable peace. They’d only been in the show for two weeks, arriving with a wave of cast changes at the turn of the month, and already people knew better than to expect Bobby to not be around whenever Jessica was.

‘Seriously, Jess, you should see some of the texts Dennis is sending me. It’s like a play by play of a show imploding. This is what happens when actors sleep with their co-stars, you know? And it’s brilliant! Apparently the guy’s wife has turned up now,’ Bobby giggled, showing Jessica his phone. Jessica simply rolled her eyes, hardly glancing at the text Bobby was showing her.

‘You and Dennis text too much. I swear, I should have never let you near him, you flirt with everyone.’ Bobby pulled a face.

‘God, when did you get so uptight about it?’

‘When you flirted with _my dad_.’ She fixed him with her sternest look but Bobby only grinned back at her, shrugging and jumping down from the dressing table to sit on one of the other chairs, starting to text a reply to Dennis.

‘So what, your dad’s hot for his age.’ Jessica threw a lipstick at him and he dodged it before smiling proudly and looking back up at her. ‘Lighten up, Blondie. I’m not going to break Dennis’ heart. I have a boyfriend, remember?’

‘I believe the term you used last week was ‘fuck buddy’ but if he’s been upgraded to boyfriend now...’ Jessica raised an eyebrow and her blue eyes glittered mischievously. Bobby prodded her in the side with his foot and tried to suppress his smile, looking down.

‘I don’t know. It’s a new thing we’re trying. I’ll let you know when we’ve figured it out.’

‘I’ll hold you to that, Chorus Boy.’ Jessica turned back to the mirror and examined the job she’d done with her hair, smiling slightly. ‘Don’t forget, Ivy’s coming with us for drinks tonight after the show. She’s been doing some work for her friend Tom, doing some demos or something, I don’t know. But anyway, he might be coming too, so be good. No throwing yourself at bartenders to get free drinks. We’re pretending to be grown-ups for the night, ok?’

‘Nawww, boring.’ Bobby pouted, then he frowned, glancing back up from his phone. ‘Wait, did you say Tom? As in _Tom Levitt_ Tom? Like Houston and Levitt? Like Broadway’s very own?’ Bobby was talking faster by the second and Jessica paused to look at him curiously, surprised that he was bothered. Bobby was rarely one to be star-struck by anyone; he’d once told her that his philosophy was that he was the biggest celebrity in his own life and that no actual celebrity could really compete.

‘You knew she was friends with him, right?’

‘Yeah...I just...’ Bobby opened and closed his mouth for a few moments before shaking his head slightly and straightening up. ‘Never mind.’ Jessica frowned, but Bobby was saved by his phone lighting up with a new text and he quickly picked it back up. ‘The wife? Being removed by security. Sometimes I love the theatre.’

 

After the show, Bobby got changed as quickly as possible before hurrying across to Jessica’s dressing room. ‘Hope you’re all dressed ladies, coz you know I really don’t want to see any of you lot naked,’ he announced as he came in the room and a small chorus of greeting went up from around the room as he made his way over to Jessica, who was putting the finishing touches to her make-up. ‘Wow, nice outfit. You angling after a part in the next Houston and Levitt or did we go on a mission for a new boyfriend without telling me?’ Bobby asked, sitting himself down on the dressing table beside her. Jessica simply shot him a look and then went back to rooting through her voluminous bag in search of her mascara. By the time she had pulled out various cosmetics, several pairs of headphones, a selection of pens and notebooks, some old sweet wrappers, multiple receipts, her phone, two sets of keys and – eventually – her mascara, she and Bobby were the last two left in the room. Jessica checked the time and rolled her eyes before beginning to apply the mascara as Bobby set about returning the bric-a-brac to her bag.

‘Knock knock!’ a voice called from the doorway and Bobby and Jessica turned in unison to see Ivy leaning into the room, smiling brightly.

‘Hey!’ Bobby beamed warmly.

‘Come in Iv, I won’t be a minute,’ Jessica said and Ivy and Bobby shared a knowing look before Ivy stepped further into the room. But Bobby tensed slightly when he saw who followed her.

‘Hi Jessica.’ Jessica turned at the sound of her name and her smile widened when she saw Tom Levitt, leaning in the doorway and raking a hand through his hair. She flashed a quick wave to him.

‘Hey Tom, it’s nice to see you again. Ivy said you might be joining us.’ Tom smiled politely and Jessica turned away, looking around for her new shoes. ‘Ok, I’m nearly ready, just let me grab my shoes from Bobby’s dressing room,’ she sighed, giving Bobby a shove as she walked past him whilst he barely stifled a laugh. As she dashed past she didn’t spot Tom eyeing Bobby strangely.

‘Oh, sorry; Tom, this is the chorus boy who can’t keep a secret who I warned you about,’ Ivy put in with a smirk and Bobby huffed at her.

‘One time! I didn’t mean to blurt it out, ok? I didn’t even know it was a secret.’ Ivy was laughing but Tom was still looking at Bobby with narrowed eyes.

‘Anyway, Bobby, meet my friend Tom, Tom, this is Big Mouth Bobby.’

‘Actually, I believe we’ve met,’ Tom remarked and Ivy looked surprised.

‘Really?!’

‘Yes. Bobby here threw pink champagne on me at a party a few months back,’ Tom smiled brightly, tilting his head to one side and looking at Bobby pointedly.

‘I DIDN’T THROW IT, IT JUST EXPLODED! GOD!’ Bobby gasped theatrically – and in a way which suggested he’d had to make this point on more than one occasion. Ivy began to laugh and Tom raised his eyebrows, looking at Bobby with amusement.

‘Really? Coz it kinda felt like a throw. I mean, your aim was...pretty impressive, actually,’ he teased and Bobby put his hands up in surrender.

‘I can’t help it that it all landed on you, ok? It was just the luck of the draw. And really, come on, who wears a velvet jacket near champagne? Exactly, it’s not done. Now can we move on please?!’ Bobby sighed as Ivy continued laughing and Tom smothered a smirk.

‘You told me you’d pay for the dry cleaning...then went to get towels and...strangely, I never saw you after that,’ he continued, folding his arms as Bobby groaned.

‘Er, my boss was watching and I wanted to get paid. We both know you have more money than me anyway,’ he retorted, before spotting Jessica standing in the doorway, also laughing. He sighed his most put-upon sigh. ‘Do you see why I don’t take catering jobs, now, Jess? God. I am never doing you a favour again.’

 

***

 

_‘I’m telling you, I saw him there. I know it’s not his show, and I know that I’ve thought I’ve seen people before and been wrong but trust me, Jimmy, that was Tom Levitt. I saw him come out the stage door with a few of the dancers from the show and he was like...singing something to them, like jokingly I think coz they clearly found it hilarious but I thought his voice was amazing. And it took everything I had not to run over there and ask for his autograph, you know? I probably would’ve done if I’d actually had a Playbill from one of his shows handy. You know what? From now on, I take my Playbills everywhere, I’m going to have them in my bag, always. And next time I see Tom Levitt at a show, I’m going to get his autograph...and will you please stop laughing? This is a big deal to me, ok?!’_

***

 

‘Shane dumped me,’ Jessica dispensed with the usual greetings and cut straight to the heartbreak as she fell back onto her bed, pulling a pillow to her chest.

‘Well then Shane is a whore and we hate him.’ She couldn’t help but smile at Bobby’s matter-of-fact tone and in that moment she was incredibly grateful for his unquestioning loyalty. So many people thought Bobby was flighty and flippant, but when it came down to it, he was quite fiercely loyal, once he decided he wanted to be anyway, he just had his own code of conduct for how best to show that loyalty and not everyone always understood that. Jessica balanced the phone between her shoulder and her ear and then began to pull the covers up around her.

‘I found out he was cheating on me too,’ she added softly.

‘Want me to knee him in the balls for you?’

‘Maybe.’

‘High-kick in the teeth? A jazz-hand to the eye? A tap shoe up his-’

‘Bobby! Stop making me laugh when I’m trying to wallow.’ Jessica brushed a few tears from her cheeks, smiling to herself and rolling her eyes fondly. ‘I already threw most of my shoe collection at him when he left anyway. And then I put a load of his stuff that he’d left here into a trash bag and threw it down the stairs after him. It’s still just sitting there in the entryway.’ A pause on the other end of the line.

‘Right, I’m getting all the Ben and Jerry’s from my freezer and I’m coming over.’ Jessica wasn’t about to argue with that. ‘I’ll be with you in ten, Jess.’ Jessica smiled softly, a rush of gratitude overcoming her and temporarily making her forget Shane and his three – or was it four? – other girlfriends.

‘Hey, Bobby?’

‘Yeah?’

‘It’s times like this I’m really glad you stood in for me that day then dragged me off to do shots ‘til I dropped,’ Jessica murmured. She knew he’d never admit it, but on the other end of the line she was sure she heard him smiling.

 

 

***

 

_‘Er, Tom, when did we cast the guy who threw champagne all over you at that party?’_

_‘I DIDN’T THROW IT, IT JUST EXPLODED, OK?! GOD!’_

***

‘I still hate the feathers but...at least it looks like the show’s going to last. Tom said the numbers were looking good anyway and...I trust him so...’ Ivy turned from her mirror to look at her friend, who was frowning down at her phone, clearly miles away. ‘Jess? Jessica!’ Ivy clicked her fingers and laughed slightly when Jessica jumped. ‘Have you been listening to a word I’ve said? What’s wrong with you, you’ve been miles away all night.’

‘It’s nothing, Ivy. I’m fine,’ Jessica insisted quietly, setting her phone down and starting to gather up her stuff for the night.

‘Hang on a minute, you never have your phone with you...is this boy trouble? Tell me you’ve not found your way back to Jake again,’ Ivy grimaced and Jessica laughed, pulling a face.

‘God no. Never. Again. Bobby’s got instructions to do whatever it takes to keep me away from a phone if I ever even think about calling Jake again.’

‘Wow, it’s almost worth it to see what he’d do.’

‘Please don’t encourage him!’ Jessica laughed.

‘Sorry.’ Ivy came over to sit next to Jessica. ‘So if it’s not a man, what is it?’

‘It’s a queen,’ Jessica joked and Ivy frowned. ‘It’s Bobby, actually. The one and only. You know he’s out of town visiting his parents, right?’

‘Right...’

‘Well we got in a big fight before he left-’

‘About his fondness for flirting with all our friends, I seem to remember.’

‘Exactly. And even though we talked on the phone after I feel like he’s still mad with me. And he was supposed to get back today but he’s not called so now I’m worried about him.’

‘Trust me, Jess, Bobby can take care of himself.’

‘I know...I know. I’m being stupid and paranoid. He’ll call when he’s done sulking with me.’

‘The boy does love a good sulk,’ Ivy nodded. Just then Dennis appeared in the doorway to the dressing room, all smiles, his bag slung over his shoulder.

‘Hey, you guys ready to go?’ He looked from Ivy to Jessica and then frowned. He was so used to seeing Jessica smiling that it unsettled him to see her looking so concerned. ‘Jess, you ok?’ he asked gently and she offered him a small smile and a nod.

‘I’m fine. Come on, let’s go. I really need a drink,’ she sighed, standing up sharply. Ivy shook her head.

‘She’s worried about Bobby.’

‘About Bobby?!’ Dennis laughed, rolling his eyes. ‘Since when did Bobby need to be worried about? I mean, other than the fact he’s loose, newly single and terrorizing the general population of the city once more.’

‘He hasn’t called her. _For a whole day_!’ Ivy said, her voice heavy with sarcasm, and Jessica gave her a light smack on the arm, smirking slightly.

‘I think he’s sulking with me, that’s all. And I just want to make it right.’

‘Sulking with you? How can anyone sulk with you?’ Dennis asked, giving Jessica’s shoulders a squeeze before linking arms with both girls as they headed for the stairs.

‘If anyone can then Bobby can,’ Ivy put in.

 

Once they’d signed out, Dennis stepped out ahead of the two girls, holding the door open as Ivy and Jessica stepped onto the street. Jessica smiled sweetly and thanked him before turning to check her phone once more.

‘Hey, Cutie, you going to show me some love?’ a familiar voice pierced the night and Jessica looked up immediately, her whole face breaking into a bright-eyed grin when she saw who was standing waiting for her outside the stage door.

‘Chorus Boy!’ she squealed, heading for Bobby in a run and throwing her arms around his neck. Bobby laughed as she barrelled into him and he wrapped her in a firm hug, lifting her off the ground to give her a tight squeeze.

‘Remind me never to leave town again. Seriously. Next time my parents want to see me they can get in a car and drive. I’m completely worth the effort, you know? And I _definitely_ belong in the city.’ Bobby set Jessica down and broke the hug, looking her in the eye. His expression was all seriousness but Jessica knew him too well and she could see the glint of mischief in his eyes. ‘It was terrible, Jess. I couldn’t find anyone to do shots with me, let alone find a bar with a hot enough bar tender.’ Jessica laughed at him, thwacking him fondly on the shoulder. ‘I’m not kidding! I just...I belong in New York. Even unemployed in New York is better than Back-End-Of-Beyond with my parents, trust me.’ Jessica reached up to give him another hug, a softer one this time, and he returned the gesture gladly. ‘I missed you, Blondie. Let’s not ever fight again.’

 

***

 

_‘Let’s go dancing! And don’t even think about giving me that ‘I dance all day at work’ crap because some of us still don’t have a job and it’s just insulting to me that you do. Come on. Please let’s go? I mean, we both know I’m Beyoncé’s long lost twin sister – how on earth is she supposed to find me and recognise that I am the more talented sibling if my friends refuse to come dancing with me! And Jess, don’t even think about giving me that look or it’ll be a repeat of the tap shoe incident all over again and you know none of us wants that.’_


	2. The Ones Which Tested Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter runs roughly from the Pilot through to the end of The Cost Of Art, again with sprinklings of conversations from all over the place. This chapter has Karen, Ivy and Kyle's first significant appearance. Hope you enjoy!

_‘Ah, if it isn’t the young lobster-whisperer. You’re lucky I let them hire you – let’s mark it down to your talent and have done, shall we? Er, hang on, before you start with the verbal diarrhoea; that wasn’t an invitation to talk. I’d rather you didn’t acknowledge that there was a compliment in that sentence and if you tell anyone about it then I will have to fire you immediately. You’re good at what you do, Bobby, ok? One of the best, actually, if I must be painfully honest. But I’m warning you; another incident resulting in the interruption of my rehearsals or the unleashing of total chaos and/or wildlife during the course of this workshop traceable back to you in any way? Then this will be the last time you get the chance to work with me, are we clear? Excellent. Now run along, your little friends are waiting. God, chorus boys. Always with an entourage.’_

***

 

‘We need to go out and get too drunk to stand.’ Jessica’s hand stilled at the sound of Bobby’s voice down the line. It wasn’t that the comment was unusual in itself, but she knew every inflection in her best friend’s voice and this was not some flippant Friday night request.

‘What happened?’ she asked, setting down her hair brush and leaning back in her chair. Bobby let out a long, heavy sigh and Jessica felt her heart ache a little for him.

‘They’re posting the closing notices. Three more weeks and I’ll be unemployed again. I need to numb the pain before I even think about starting auditions.’

‘Oh Bobby,’ Jessica chewed her lip, uncertain what to say. Bobby had his reasons for hating auditions more than most – although she was fairly certain she was the only person in the world who knew it – and he’d been more than a little unlucky of late.

‘You want to know what my agent said to me on the phone? That I was cursed. Yeah. How’s that for supportive?’ Bobby snarled and Jessica smiled softly.

‘You’re not cursed, Bobby,’ she murmured, pulling her knees up to her chest and settling in for a marathon chat. The longer she could keep him talking the less likely it was that he’d actually manage to trick her into getting drunk the night before a two-show day. ‘Why don’t you come hang out with me at Heaven On Earth for a bit? Put off the auditions for a while.’

‘Jess, I have rent to pay. And I need to eat.’

‘You want to buy clothes you don’t even need, more like,’ Jessica retorted. ‘Dennis is here...’ she half-sang and behind her she heard Ivy chuckle.

‘Don’t even joke right now. Just put on your coat and come get drunk with me.’

‘Bobby,’ Jessica whined, though she could already feel herself caving. ‘Look, you’re really not cursed, ok? You know that, right? Tell me you know that!’

‘Jess! My last three jobs have ended in disaster now. I’ve had two shows close on me in the last two years and the press have only just shut up about that _tragic_ workshop I was caught up in before that. My agent’s right. I’m a death sentence. They should just exile me from Broadway and have done.’ Jessica winced at the very thought. It was true, Bobby’s last few jobs hadn’t worked out well. But it wasn’t as if it was his fault. ‘You know what my agent told me? He said I have evil eyes. He actually said that. He said he didn’t know how he was ever going to find me a job because I have evil eyes and people don’t trust me. Then he hung up on me.’

‘Bobby, you do not have evil eyes.’ A dead silence on the other end and Jessica could just feel the look Bobby was giving her. She laughed slightly and shook her head. ‘Ok, fine. Maybe, a little bit. _Mischievous_. You have mischievous eyes. And I like that about you.’

‘Jess, that doesn’t make it ok.’

‘Bobby, shut up. You’re perfect, ok? And _I’d_ trust you with my life.’ She paused, listening for any hint of a smile on the other end. ‘You’re going to be fine, Bobby.’

‘I hope so,’ Bobby mumbled. There was another pause and then a quick, sharp sigh which Jessica suspected was Bobby’s attempt to blow off his doubts. ‘So, drinks?’ Jessica rolled her eyes and leant back in her chair.

‘How soon can you get here?’ she asked, resigned.

‘I’m at stage door. Don’t take too long, Blondie. I counting on you.’

 

As Jessica laughed and hung up, Ivy shot her a stern look.

‘What?’ Jessica sighed and Ivy just shrugged, widening her eyes and playing innocent.

‘Nothing.’ She turned in her chair then, her mouth opening and closing as she debated whether or not to continue. Jessica narrowed her eyes at her. ‘It’s just...don’t you ever worry that maybe you two are...a bit...’

‘A bit...?’ Jessica pressed, drawing herself up a little, feeling defensive, more so for Bobby’s sake than her own. ‘A bit what, Ivy?’

‘I don’t know, isn’t it just a little...weird...that he _needs_ you to tell him he’s not cursed? That you’re the one who has to get his butt down to auditions and tell him to smile for the casting directors? He’s not a child, Jess. And Bobby seems like he’s plenty capable to me, he just chooses not to be coz he knows he can get you to do all the work.’

‘It’s not like that, Ivy.’

‘And what about you? You’re just as bad! Jess, you know I love you both but aren’t you just...a little bit co-dependent?’ Ivy raised an eyebrow at Jessica, who clenched her jaw and turned sharply back to her dressing table, starting to sweep her belongings into her bag.

‘He’s my best friend, Iv. If he needs me then that’s the end of it, I’ll be there. And he’d do the same for me. I’m not going to apologise for looking after someone who has been nothing but good to me since the moment I met him.’ She stood and looked Ivy in the eye. ‘And come on, aren’t you a little co-dependent yourself over there? Tom’s not even been gone a week and you won’t stop whining about it. And what about Sam? Are you seriously saying you’ve never had phone calls with them exactly like the one I just had with Bobby?’ Ivy looked down. ‘Exactly. So just drop it. Anyway, I’m heading out, but I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?’

‘Jess-’ Ivy began, but she was cut off by the sound of Jessica’s phone ringing. Jessica didn’t even have to look to know who it was.

‘I’m coming! Jesus, Bobby, you’re so impatient!’ Jessica sighed and Ivy raised an eyebrow.

‘Hurry up!’ Bobby’s voice was loud enough for even Ivy to hear it, and she shot Jessica a pointed look.

‘I told you, I’m on my way. Urgh, you just totally ruined my point with Ivy now, by the way, so thanks for that. No, no, it’s fine. I’ll tell you about it after you’ve bought me a beer. I’ll be down in a minute, alright? Ok.’

 

***

 

_‘Look, Jess...if you tell anyone I told you about all this then that’s it, ok? Friendship over. I just...I just need you to promise me. Coz I don’t really talk about this stuff. I mean, with anyone. Ever. But I trust you. You’re my best friend. And if you ever need me, like, with anything at all, I’ll be there. Veto your terrible taste in men, dump a body, attend some God-awful musical you’re cast in. I’ll do it. I’m here for you. Always. And you can quote me on that, I swear.’_

***

 

She found them sitting at a table in the corner. Dennis was buried deep in conversation with Ivy whilst Bobby sat across from them, not even pretending to care. His chin was resting on his hand as he watched the door intently and he grinned broadly when he spotted her come in.

‘Jessicaaaa!’ he called as she came towards him and instantly flopped down into his lap. Ivy and Dennis looked up at the sound and she offered the two of them a sunny smile.

‘Hey, guys. So, Ivy, is today the day?’ Jessica asked, leaning back against Bobby, who had wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug from behind. He kissed her temple and rested his chin on her shoulder as Ivy launched back into an excited explanation of how Tom was due to come and pick her up any minute to cut some mystery demo. Jessica did her best to concentrate, but Bobby was whispering snappy comments in her ear and she had to work hard to bite back her laughs.

‘I’m just so happy they even thought of me for this! I mean, when Julia called...’

‘It’s cheating if you know the composer, right?’ Bobby hissed by Jessica’s ear and she swotted at him, trying to keep her smile fixed in place. Dennis shot the two of them a knowing look, his wide eyes gently reprimanding Bobby for his commentary but to no avail. ‘She’s fabulous, we all know it. I just don’t see why your best friend throwing you a bone is something to get excited about,’ Bobby added in a murmur as Ivy continued talking, and Jessica sent a half-hearted glare his way. He simply shrugged and sipped his drink. Jessica knew she could stop him if she wanted to, but she was just too happy to finally see him smiling again. It had taken her days to pull him out of his mood and convince him to start auditioning again, but recently he’d finally started acting more like himself and it was nice to hear him joking around. As Ivy finally finished her story, Jessica turned and leant back a little so as to look down properly at Bobby, who was idly playing with the straw in his drink. The sunlight streamed in through the cafe window and caught the light in his brown eyes, his dark hair brushed out of them for once. Yes. Mischievous. Not evil. Never evil. Well, rarely anyway. Jessica nudged him slightly and he looked up into her big blue eyes, meeting their bright sparkle with his darker one, the corner of his lips quirking up.

‘And, what about you? How’s the auditioning going?’ Bobby rolled his eyes.

‘God, there are no good musicals casting right now. Hey, contracts are coming up at Heaven on Earth, right? Think they’d let me in?’

‘You’d have to keep your hands off the other chorus boys,’ Ivy warned him with a smirk.

‘Er, maybe you should ask the chorus boys’ opinions on that first, Ivy,’ Jessica put in, looking pointedly at Dennis who pulled a face at her.

‘Shut up!’ he laughed and Jessica rolled her eyes.

‘What? You lot are a bunch of flirts. Bobby would fit right in.’

‘Hey, Ivy, we all know you want out. Think I could take your place? You know I’d look better in that showgirl getup than you ever did anyway,’ Bobby grinned.

‘Excuse me?!’ Ivy squeaked, trying not to laugh, and Bobby fluttered his eyelashes at her whilst Jessica cuffed him round the back of his head.

‘Urgh, I’m bored of everything on Broadway anyway. I want to do something new. Something new that doesn’t get cancelled or sink without trace, preferably.’

‘You’ll find something soon,’ Jessica said softly, resting her cheek against the top of his head and giving his shoulders a squeeze.

‘Maybe,’ Bobby sighed, letting Jessica kiss his hair and fuss over him a little.

‘Definitely. _I can feel it._ ’

 

It was another half-hour before Tom arrived, and Bobby had firmly put the topic of his career off the menu. If it had been just the two of them, Jessica would’ve forced the issue, but with Dennis and Ivy there she decided to bite her tongue. When Ivy spotted Tom come in, she ran over to greet him and Jessica watched her go before leaning across the table to whisper to Dennis, putting one hand on his arm.

‘Hey, you and Tom...’ she began, but she trailed off when she saw Dennis’ expression.

‘Ball’s in his court. He didn’t even remember my name by the time he got back from London though, so, honestly? I’ve given up hope,’ he shrugged, smiling ruefully. Bobby looked from Jessica to Dennis with a frown of confusion.

‘Wait, you and _Tom_?!’ he asked, but Jessica gave him a kick under the table.

‘Shut up, he’s coming over.’ Bobby turned and saw Tom and Ivy heading towards them. ‘Hey Tom,’ Jessica smiled sweetly. ‘Ivy told us all about Julia’s phone call, any chance you’re going to tell us what you’re up to?’ Tom laughed.

‘Nice try, but I’m not about to jinx anything.’

‘Spoilsport,’ Bobby put in with a pout and Tom looked at him properly for the first time.

‘Bobby. We meet again,’ he smiled and Dennis raised an eyebrow.

‘Sure, coz everyone remembers _your_ name,’ he muttered, rolling his eyes playfully. This time it was Bobby’s turn to issue an under-the-table kick and Jessica smothered a smirk.

‘You’re not thinking of casting by any chance? We’ve worked together before, and no-one died, right? And I could really use an in with a composer right now. Anything that might get my agent off my case,’ Bobby moaned as Tom sat himself down.

‘Why, are you really that down on your luck? Coz I find that hard to believe,’ he remarked, looking Bobby up and down. A capable chorus boy, who, perhaps, had a fondness for trouble, but he always showed for rehearsal, foot-perfect, songs memorised. But Bobby sighed theatrically and pulled a face, making Tom chuckle.

‘Well, believe it. Apparently I have evil eyes.’

‘I’ll bear it in mind then. But right now I am all about Ivy.’ Tom turned to share a smile with the woman in question and she positively glowed in response. Jessica and Dennis exchanged a knowing look, smirking fondly and rolling their eyes. ‘She’s going to be perfect for this, just you wait,’ Tom added as Ivy linked her arm through his and rested her head on his shoulder.

‘Well, thank you for thinking of me. I won’t let you down.’

‘Are you kidding me? I have no worries about that. What I’m worried about is convincing Julia to take this thing further...I mean...we cut the demo this afternoon but...after that...I promised her a year off...’ Tom chewed at his lip and looked down. ‘But I really want to do this now, get some momentum with this thing.’

‘You won’t hear me disagreeing,’ Ivy added with a smile.

 

***

 

_‘So I finally get there – I’m only like a minute late, I mean, not really, but they’d hardly have noticed. And anyway, she’s sitting behind the desk, eyeing my headshot, you know, the usual. Then just as I’m about to start she goes; “Your agent warned me that you had crazy eyes”. Now evil is one thing, I can handle being told I have evil eyes – we all know it’s a fine line between evil and fierce and my agent is clearly a poor judge. But crazy eyes?! I don’t even think he wants me to get a job. I think he just wants to torture me. He’s probably got me lined up as his potential cabana boy when he retires. This is just phase one where he breaks my spirit to the point where I’ll say yes to anyone willing to hire me. I’m telling you; a year from now I’m going to be stood on a beach in a flowery sarong, fanning him with palm leaves. You see why I won’t go out the door now, Jess? I’ve seen my future and it’s not pretty. I’m going to be the guy with the crazy eyes who got chased off Broadway for life to be his former agent’s sex slave...stop laughing! This is my life, I’m telling you! God. I need a job so bad.’_

***

 

Bobby was relieved to see Jessica already sitting on his couch, beer in hand, when he got home. Her hair was scraped back into a haphazard ponytail and she’d obviously come straight from dance class before making herself at home. He offered her a poor excuse for a smile before closing the door behind him and pressing his back to it.

‘Didn’t go so well?’ Jessica asked quietly and he simply shook his head, sliding down the door and pulling his knees up to his chest. Jessica quickly pushed herself up and came over to join him, sitting down on the floor at his side and resting her head on his shoulder. ‘Guess I was right to come over then, huh?’ Bobby raised his head and gave her a small smile.

‘Now who’s the stalker?’ he asked and she stuck her tongue out at him.

‘It’ll always be you, Chorus Boy. Don’t give me a key if you don’t want me to use it.’

‘No. I’m glad you use it. Especially today.’ Bobby leant his head against Jessica’s. ‘God, Jess, I haven’t felt this lousy in so long, you know? _So_ long. I just don’t want to end up in that kind of a state again, I really don’t.’

‘You had me worried when you didn’t show for dance class, then I got your text about the last minute casting call and I just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.’

‘Thank you.’ Bobby raised his head to place a kiss to Jessica’s temple. ‘Seriously. I mean it. I know I can be a bitch sometimes, but if it wasn’t for you...’

‘You’re not a bitch, Sweetie. Not to me anyway, only to people we don’t like.’ Bobby chuckled softly. ‘Remember the last time? I had to physically drag you out of bed some mornings. But this time I’ve decided: I’m not even letting you get back in it until I know you’re ok...ok?’ Jessica wriggled away from Bobby slightly so she could look him in the eye.

‘Ok.’ Bobby smiled then bumped his shoulder against Jessica’s. ‘Now come on, talk to me about something else. Distract me. Please. What’s happening with Ivy and that Marilyn thing? You know it’s all anyone is talking about online.’ Jessica sighed, reluctant to change the subject. But there was a plea in Bobby’s eyes. He just did not want to get into it right now. She thought back to the time he’d first spilled his secrets to her – one night when they’d curled up on her bed with popcorn and a movie and ended up talking solidly until the sun came up. They’d known each other a few months by that point and yet he hadn’t thought twice about trusting her not to think less of him for his issues. And she didn’t. It was always that simple between them. She knew he’d talk to her eventually. And besides, forcing an issue with Bobby was never a wise course of action; he didn’t tend to react well. She stood up abruptly and turned to Bobby, offering him her hands. He let her pull him up before she moved to grab him a beer, whilst he dived straight for the couch.

‘Well, they’re going ahead with it, apparently. Eileen Rand picked it up and Ivy says that Tom told her she wants to get it moving fast. She’s even got your old friend Derek Wills on board.’ Jessica flopped down on the couch beside Bobby and handed him the beer before picking up her own and taking a quick swig.

‘Urgh, well that’s my chances of a part out, I don’t think he’s ever going to hire me again after the fiasco last time. But hang on...Derek Wills on board with Tom Levitt? I thought they hated each other?! I mean, come on, that was more than just gossip, right?’ Bobby’s eyes were already twinkling excitedly and Jessica laughed at him, shaking her head slightly. He couldn’t resist a good scandal – and the Broadway rumour mill had worked overtime when the former duo of Derek Wills and Tom Levitt had somewhat explosively gone their separate ways. It was exactly the kind of drama Bobby lived for.

‘Ivy wouldn’t say much about it. I don’t think Tom even mentioned anything to her – it’s probably a touchy subject for him anyway. But it doesn’t matter, Ivy isn’t paying attention to it, she’s too busy stressing because of the audition tomorrow.’

‘Audition? You mean they didn’t just give it to her?!’ Bobby’s jaw dropped and Jessica shrugged. ‘But she was amazing on that recording! All the blogs loved her.’

‘Tom would’ve given it to her,’ Jessica said, then she inclined her head slightly. ‘But...it’s not all up to Tom, is it?’ Bobby pulled a face.

‘God, I don’t envy Ivy.’

‘That makes a change.’

‘No, seriously. It’s bad enough with these ensemble auditions, but I have _no_ desire to try and be a star. It’s cut-throat! And the worst part? You don’t get to mess around at the back of rehearsal with your friends.’

 

***

 

_‘Wait a minute – did you say you were actually spying on this Karen person? You? Sweet, innocent little Dennis?! Wow. I never thought I’d see the day.’ Bobby picked a strawberry off the top of the cake Jessica was eating and she swotted his hand away. He simply popped the strawberry into his mouth and licked his fingers, raising an eyebrow at Dennis, eyes aglitter. ‘Maybe I’m finally starting to rub off on you,’ he grinned, shimmying his shoulders and making Jessica almost choke on her cake. ‘Seriously, Bambi, I like this side to you. And Jess, can you please stop elbowing me in my ribcage? Yes? Thank you. You know I’m not going to shut up no matter how many bruises you give me. God.’_

***

 

The rain hadn’t let up all day and if he hadn’t have felt so ill then Kyle was sure the sound of it would’ve lulled him to sleep. He tried to close his eyes and get comfortable, but it was no use. Rolling over onto his stomach, he reached out from under the blanket he was wrapped in, feeling around the floor until his fingers brushed against his computer. Once he’d booted it up, he instantly pulled up the video. For some reason, lately, that song was the only thing he wanted to listen to. It fascinated him, though he didn’t know why. It was as if he’d already made a connection to a show which might never even reach Broadway – there was just something about it though. Of course, he knew every song Tom Levitt had ever written and had connected to almost every one he ever heard. Even when his love of theatre got him bullied in school, he’d never held it against the music. After Jimmy, the music was his most loyal friend. But this song...he couldn’t explain it. He just felt like it was leading to something. Like this was the start of something. _Ivy Lynn Sings New Marilyn Song_. God, it didn’t even have a title yet and Kyle still knew he _needed_ to see that show.

 

By the time Jimmy made it home, Kyle’s eyelids were heavy and he’d lost count of how many watches of the video he was up to. The sound of the front door creaking open jarred him slightly and he jumped, lifting his head just enough to see Jimmy shutting the door behind him and throw his jacket to one side.

‘Hey, you’re awake,’ Jimmy sighed, sitting himself down on the arm of the couch and giving Kyle a tired smile. ‘You feeling any better? Coz let me tell you, when you’re not around? Our tip money goes down by half.’

‘Please, without me there is no tip money,’ he reminded Jimmy with a lopsided smile. Jimmy chuckled softly and shrugged.

‘Yeah, well, whatever. We can’t all just instinctively like people, that’s not how the world works, Kyle. That’s how you get hurt.’

‘You’re lucky I like people – you think just anyone would put up with you?’ Kyle reminded Jimmy softly and Jimmy glanced down at him then. Their eyes met in the semi-darkness of their loft, glittering slightly with words not-quite-spoken. The corner of Jimmy’s lips curved upwards briefly in a sad half smile and he winked at Kyle.

‘I know.’ Kyle gave a small nod and Jimmy returned the gesture before quickly looking away. ‘So anyway, you never answered my question; you feeling better? Coz you know I’m terrible at looking after you when you’re sick.’

‘No you’re not. You’re good company when I’m sick.’

‘You being ill forces me to be the responsible one, that’s why you like it.’ Jimmy noticed Kyle’s laptop then and he frowned slightly. ‘Hey, what you watching?’ He made a grab for the computer before Kyle could stop him and he chuckled when he saw the video that was open. ‘God, you’re watching this again?! What is with this song? It’s not _that_ great you know.’ Jimmy eyed the screen sceptically before handing the computer back to Kyle, who was doing his best attempt at a glare, though it was difficult given how heavy his head felt and the aching in his muscles.

‘Hey, it’s beautiful, ok? Everything Tom Levitt writes is beautiful. And it makes me feel better. So quit mocking it, ok? Just coz you don’t like showtunes-’

‘I know, I know. Tom Levitt is God. Don’t start on me, man, I get it, theatre’s your thing, it cheers you up. I know, ok? I’ve known you long enough by now. But you still like my music better, right?’ Jimmy smirked knowingly and Kyle bit his lip. He knew the answer Jimmy wanted to hear, and there were so many reasons why he wanted to give Jimmy that answer that he wanted to hear. But was it weird that he felt like telling Jimmy he was his favourite was more than just a white lie but...also a betrayal of Tom Levitt somehow?

‘Maybe.’ Jimmy frowned, used to hearing Kyle simply praise him. ‘Let’s get our show to Broadway, then I’ll get back to you on whose music I like the best, ok?’

 

***

 

_‘I guess I was always the same. I mean, I was that kid in high school who just...didn’t care. I’ve just always been the way I am, you know? And I had my group of friends and no-one messed with me because they knew it wouldn’t bother me, I’d just give them an attitude and move on. So I don’t have an excuse for why, Jess. I wasn’t bullied, my parents have always been good to me...I’ve always had friends. None as close as you but...enough to keep me from being lonely. But sometimes, I just get so tired of letting things roll off me. It’s hard work. I’m probably only about 90% ok most of the time – and that’s fine – but then something will happen, someone will say something, I’ll get dumped, my show will close, an audition will go badly...and it’s like...it’s like it’s closing in on me. And I just feel too tired to move. And...I get...I kinda get scared that maybe I’m actually a terrible person. And that really fucking scares me, Jess, coz I mean...what can I even do about that? I can’t change who I am, not really. And I’m scared of that. That’s what I am, Jess; I’m scared. I get to this place in my head where I’m convinced everyone hates me – and that they have good reason to – and I just feel so wrecked, so tired that...I can’t be bothered to pretend it’s ok. I’m constantly caught between wanting people to like me but not wanting to change who I am...does that make any sense to you?’ Bobby bit his lip and looked down, before risking another glance back up at Jessica. ‘That’s a lot to dump on you in one go...but I just...I thought you should know. I mean...we’re friends now, right? And I...I wanted to tell someone.’ Jessica rolled onto her side to look over at Bobby, giving his shirt a tug to pull them closer before burying her head into the crook of his neck. Bobby smiled softly into her hair as she gave his hand a squeeze. ‘Look, Jess...if you tell anyone I told you about all this then that’s it, ok? Friendship over. I just...I just need you to promise me. Coz I don’t really talk about this...’_

***

 

Jessica yawned as she turned off the lights at her dressing room mirror. Another week of shows was finally over and she was in desperate need of her bed. Behind her, Ivy and Dennis were talking quietly to each other whilst Ivy packed away her things, but Jessica was too tired to gossip with them tonight.

‘Right, that’s me done for the day. See you next week,’ Jessica sighed, standing up and turning to face them, slinging her bag over her shoulder. Ivy and Dennis both looked up at her in surprise and Dennis tilted his head to one side.

‘You off already? Don’t you and Bobby normally meet up for drinks at the end of the week?’ Dennis asked. Jessica hooked her headphones round her neck then looked back over at him with a smile.

‘He’s off terrorizing some wedding tonight. An old friend of his needed someone to sing last minute and he agreed to do it.’

‘Wow...you two are still capable of leading separate lives?’ Ivy joked and Jessica shot her a withering look whilst Dennis smothered a laugh. ‘Sorry. I couldn’t resist,’ Ivy smiled sweetly and Jessica couldn’t hold it against her. She rolled her eyes, giving Ivy a wonky smile.

‘It’s ok. No-one is putting me in a bad mood tonight. Fresh sheets, plumped pillows, nothing to do ‘til the next show...’ she sighed dreamily. ‘That sounds like heaven, right?’

‘Maybe, but you’ll be missing all the gossip,’ Dennis warned her with a playful grin.

‘Come on, I know all the gossip, Bambi,’ Jessica dismissed and Dennis stuck his tongue out at her. Ivy frowned, looking between the two of them.

‘Wait, Bambi?!’ she put in with a confused laugh.

‘It’s Bobby’s new nickname for me. He says I have Bambi eyes,’ Dennis sighed, wrinkling his nose in distaste.

‘Aw, Bambiiii!’ Ivy giggled, resting her head on Dennis’ shoulder whilst he screwed up his face in objection. Jessica smirked, shaking her head slightly before heading for the door.

‘Night you guys. See you next week,’ she called over her shoulder as she stepped out into the corridor and slipped her headphones on.

 

She was halfway down the stairs before she realised she’d forgotten her phone and she cursed under her breath as the time between her and her bed grew the tiniest bit longer. She wondered, briefly, if she would get away with leaving her phone at the theatre until the next show, but she knew if Bobby wasn’t able to reach her for more than twelve hours he’d probably turn up at her place to make sure she was still alive and the thought of him jumping on her bed at too-early-o’clock, full of stories about his friend’s wedding, was enough to make her turn around and head back upstairs.

 

She was about to begin calling out her explanations, on the cusp of cheerily singing ‘I’m not here, I’m not here! Ignore me!’ at the top of her lungs as she dashed into the dressing room. But she halted when she heard Ivy and Dennis’ conversation floating out of the dressing room door.

‘Come on, Dennis, I know you still like him.’

‘So what if I do, it’s not up to me.’

‘Oh it so is – you think smiling at him with your ‘Bambi eyes’ all day is enough?’ Jessica’s breath caught slightly and she took another step back from the doorway.

‘It’s just a crush, ok? And a little flirting never hurt anybody.’

‘You should just talk to him.’ Jessica wished she had just taken her phone with her; she felt like she simultaneously needed to hear and needed to not hear this conversation. What was she going to tell...she closed her eyes and swallowed that particular thought before it could fully form. She’d say nothing. She didn’t even know what she was hearing. ‘Dennis, you know what he’s like; he gets so caught up in trying to be so good to everybody that he...kinda misses it when people are being good to him.’ Jessica frowned. That didn’t sound like...oh no. ‘You need to _signpost_ it. Tom needs telling what he wants. So tell him it’s you.’ Jessica let out a long sigh. Of course. They were talking about Tom. She rubbed her hands over her face. Well now she had to tell Bobby about this...but that didn’t mean she wanted to.

 

 

***

 

_‘So, then this guy just pops up with his Playbill, right? And he is convinced – beyond convinced, actually – that I’m the guy he just saw in this show. I don’t even know what show, I didn’t see the cover, he just thrust it in my face and begged me – literally, begged me – to sign it for him. So of course I did. He told me my headshot did nothing for me and that I had much better cheekbones in person, which is totally true, actually, I have way better cheekbones than my headshot. Way better cheekbones than this other guy’s headshot too, so you know, I’m actually an improvement on whoever he’d just seen. Dylan something? Anyway. Long story short; I have a date tonight. Only...he thinks I’m starring on Broadway...in a show I don’t know the name of...and he thinks my name is Dylan...oh and don’t even look at me like that, Jessica. Do we have to go into the story of your little star turn at that bar downtown? February 2010? Valentine’s Day with Jamie Whatsisname, trying to remember to respond when he called you ‘Amy’? Come on, Jess, we all know you beat me at the questionable dates game every time and there are men out there with the dubiously signed Playbills to prove it.’_

***

 

‘Jess, we work in musicals all day, why are we watching musicals right now?’ Bobby whined from his spot on Jessica’s couch.

‘Just shut up and eat your ice cream,’ Jessica shot back with a grin, giving him a small kick in his side. Her blue eyes twinkled playfully and Bobby pulled a face at her. The two of them were tangled up together on Jessica’s couch, a tub of ice cream each and a collection of DVDs scattered around them on the floor. As good friends as they were, they could never decide on a movie with any ease – some of their movie nights would simply descend into all-out war – but they usually ended up talking all through whatever they watched anyway.

‘You do remember I was actually in this one though, right?’

‘Of course I remember – Lydia and her ‘chorus boy from over at Hairspray’. You’re a nightmare, you know that?’ Jessica smirked, looking over at Bobby who was licking his spoon and eyeing the onscreen number with disdain. ‘Why’d you leave anyway?’

‘Boredom. Eight shows of this a week? It was fun, but come on...I was doing this dance in my sleep.’ Bobby froze then, his eyes widening, and a mischievous look filling his face as he set down his ice cream. ‘You know...’ he began and Jessica groaned.

‘No, whatever it is, no!’ She was shaking her head furiously but Bobby was already kneeling up on the couch, his arms out and poised, that impish grin of his widening as he tossed his hair out of his face and moved to stand.

‘I actually still know this routine off by heart, and I reckon I could still-’

‘Not going to happen!’ Jessica insisted as she watched him get to his feet and she barely contained her laugh as he began to dance, balancing precariously above her on the couch. ‘Sit down you idiot!’ she smirked, grabbing onto his hand and pulling him down sharply so that he landed on top of her, cackling away even as the two of them thudded together.

‘You’re going to pay for that,’ he warned her, his eyes dancing as he pushed himself up a little, trapping her with his weight, and before Jessica had time to kick him off, he was tickling her mercilessly. And no-one was as ruthless a tickler as Bobby. Squirming, Jessica managed to get a couple of kicks in but Bobby wouldn’t let up and the two of them scrambled about in a play-fight until eventually they toppled, still giggling, over the edge of the sofa.

‘You’re a terror, Bobby,’ Jessica said breathlessly as they lay sprawled on the floor, her face hurting from laughing so much. Bobby winked at her before pushing himself up slightly with one arm and then collapsing with his head in her lap.

‘But...you still love me,’ he remarked, closing his eyes, and Jessica smiled fondly down at him, brushing his hair off his face.

‘True.’ She tilted her head to one side then. ‘But only coz you love me too,’ she added with a grin. Bobby opened his eyes and smirked.

‘Cheeky.’

‘You know I’m right though.’ Bobby suppressed a grin before turning his eyes back to the screen. For a moment the two of them watched the TV intently, their thoughts not entirely focused on anything. Then Jessica let out a long sigh and leant back against the couch. ‘I’m glad we did this. I was seriously in need of some fun with you after everything that’s been going on at Heaven On Earth this week.’

‘Tell me who’s overworking you, Sweetie; I’ll go kick ‘em in the shins for you,’ Bobby offered with a smile and Jessica laughed softly, resting her head back on the couch cushions and staring up at the ceiling.

‘I _wish_ it was that simple.’ She bit her lip. ‘Contracts are coming up and there’s all sorts of changes going on, we’re three down in the ensemble, then Ivy’s got us all walking on eggshells-’

‘Why? What’s up with Ivy?’

‘It’s this Marilyn thing.’

‘But she got the part...’ Bobby frowned and Jessica looked down at him with a smirk.

‘Yes, but she also slept with the director,’ she reminded him. Bobby rolled his eyes.

‘Come on, she got the part coz she’s amazing. It’s just a bonus that she’s getting some with the British bad boy on the side.’

‘Yeah but you know Ivy. She wants this so badly she starts doubting herself. And then she gets stressy which makes her get pissy and then...’

‘And then you have to pick up the pieces?’ Bobby suggested and Jessica shrugged. Bobby shook his head slightly. ‘You’re too nice, Jess.’

‘I don’t hear you complaining when I look after you.’

‘Shut up,’ Bobby pouted and Jessica laughed at him.

‘Ivy just needs her friends looking out for her right now. It nearly killed her waiting to hear about Marilyn and I think she’s still slightly on edge.’

‘It’ll be the adrenaline. Once it gets in rehearsal she’ll be fine.’

‘Oh come on, we both know that’s not true.’ Jessica paused then, glancing down at Bobby nervously. ‘Anyway, on top of all that, there’s this stuff with Dennis too, of course...’ Bobby frowned.

‘What about Dennis?’

‘Nothing I just...look, you and him...’ Jessica began but she stopped when Bobby looked up at her with a mixture of genuine confusion and fierce warning.

‘There is no me and Dennis, if that’s what you’re getting at, Jess. We flirt, that’s the end of it. It’s just a bit of fun, so stop looking at me like I’m made out of glass.’

‘Really?’ She looked Bobby in the eye and he squirmed slightly.

‘Yes, really. Come on, Jess, you know if anything had actually ever happened between the two of us, you would’ve been the first to know.’

‘I’m not asking if anything happened and you know it. I’m asking if you wanted it to,’ Jessica said gently, her blue eyes kind and caring as they searched Bobby’s face.

‘Jess,’ Bobby groaned, closing his eyes, but Jessica’s gaze didn’t waver and as soon as his eyes were open again they met with hers and he knew he couldn’t hide. ‘Look, I like him, ok? But...he’s sweet and I’m...not.’

‘You’re plenty sweet, Bobby.’

‘Not sweet enough.’ Jessica opened her mouth to speak but Bobby’s dark eyes flashed warningly at her and she quickly closed it again. ‘I like sweet guys but they’re always terrified of me. It’s ok. I’m used to it.’ Jessica looked at him sympathetically and shrugged.

‘Well at least you actually like the sweet ones...I only ever seem to fall for the bad boys,’ she sighed and Bobby smiled up at her.

‘Oh Jessie, we’re so doomed,’ he sighed.

 

***

 

_‘Jess, it’s five in the morning, what are you doing? Wait, don’t answer that. Unless we’re catching a flight to somewhere hot and you wanted to surprise me then I’m going back to sleep now. I know this is your apartment but if you could keep the noise to a-OW! Don’t smack me when I’m trying to sleep! Jesus. You’re a terrible friend, you know that? Anyway, if you even think for one minute I don’t know that you’re emailing your ex at 5a.m. then you’ve got another thing coming; I know everything and I’m disgusted at the very thought of you trying to get back with him. Now put the laptop down and come cuddle with me.’_

***

 

‘Oh, wow, Bobby’s free?’ Julia looked up from the list she was scanning, surprised. ‘You know he’d be great in this,’ she said to Tom, who inclined his head in agreement.

‘Hang on, Bobby who?’ Derek put in, frowning and looking through the names on his own list. Eileen leant back against her desk and sighed at Derek’s stormy expression, predicting another argument (for argument’s sake) about to erupt amongst her creative team.

‘You should know him, I believe he’s worked with you before,’ Tom said airily, barely hiding his amusement as Derek’s brow briefly knitted together in remembrance. ‘He brought some much-needed fun to your rehearsals, or so I heard.’

‘Oh God.’ Derek pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘No. No way. Not him again.’

‘Oh be nice, he’s not that much trouble. And he’s one of the best, you know. Strong dancer, excellent voice, always word-perfect, step-perfect...he’s reliable; shows up on time, knows his stuff. I know he’s not exactly quiet but...you can’t ever fault his commitment.’ Julia looked from Tom to Eileen and then back to Derek. ‘Come on, we need someone like Bobby. Someone we can rely on, someone with experience. And you know he’ll fit right in with the other people we’re looking at for this. Tom’s already asked Jessica and Dennis if they’re up for it and I know he’s close with those two. Good shows are built on good casts – and you know what good casts need? Excellent ensembles with good chemistry and plenty of Broadway experience. Bobby’s just the kind of person we need. I know he’s got a mouth on him, but come on, what chorus boy hasn’t?’ Derek groaned at that and Julia rolled her eyes. ‘I want him in, that’s final. You get next pick, ok?’

‘Fine, Bobby’s in,’ Derek huffed. ‘He is talented I suppose...but that doesn’t mean I’m going to put up with any drama from him, alright?’

‘Bobby’s a professional, Derek. I’m sure he knows not to piss you off three times in a row – I’ve certainly learnt my lesson on that score,’ Tom muttered and Derek glared at him.

‘Oh really? Because it’s not feeling like that to me, Tom.’

 

***

 

_‘Jessica! I can’t even get one job and you’re pulling two?! I hate you. No, I actually do. Urgh. I’ll see you at dance class later though, right? Good. Ok. I still hate you though. Unless you buy me shots. Stop laughing, this is the end of our friendship right here. Ok. I’m hanging up on you now. Yes, love you too, Jess. See you this afternoon.’_

 

***

 

‘I’m serious! No, stop, stop, concentrate on this; I was there, I had this wig, there was a window, I thought...’

‘Why the hell not?’ Jessica suggested, exchanging a knowing look with Sue.

‘Exactly!’ Bobby grinned, taking a sip of his beer. ‘So anyway, I’m there, I’m leaning out the window having my ‘Don’t Cry For Me Argentina’ moment, and this guy is outside un-’ Bobby was interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing and he swiftly picked it up off the bar. ‘Bo-oh, hey. Yeah, I’m listening...wait, unless you’re about to tell me I’ve got evil eyes again, in which case you can go away now coz I’m so not in the mood for a lecture right now.’ Bobby paused to listen to whoever was speaking and Jessica raised an eyebrow, leaning in a little to try and hear the conversation. ‘Are you serious?!’ Bobby’s grin widened. ‘Well of course they think I’m talented, why wouldn’t they think I’m talented! Jess, I’m talented, aren’t I? Tell my lovely agent how talented I am!’ he said, eyes sparkling wildly as he flicked his hair out of them and drew himself up a little, briefly holding the phone out to Jessica, who laughed.

‘You’re talented, Chorus Boy, now tell me what’s going on!’ she demanded and Bobby stuck his tongue out at her, shooing her away from the phone and pressing it back to his ear.

‘See, you hear that? I have a fan club!’ Bobby’s face went from a grin to a theatrical pout in a second. ‘Oh shut up, you knew someone would take me on eventually.’ Jessica shoved Bobby for good measure but he didn’t even look at her and Sue simply shook her head at the pair of them, leaning over the bar to try and get the bar tender’s attention.

‘What’s going on?!’ Jessica pleaded as Bobby nodded at something he was being told down the phone line, suddenly all intent and professional. It never ceased to amaze her how quickly he could turn that side of himself on; they were actors, of course they were capable of snapping into one mood or another when required, but she’d never known anyone do it from such extremes as Bobby could. He could go from hysteria to burning intensity in a second, from drunk to professional at alarming speed, and from bitching to caring without blinking. ‘Great. Then tell them I will be there. No, thank you for putting me on the list. Bye Brian,’ Bobby finally hung up and straightened his back, putting his phone down before turning slowly to face Jessica. She looked at him expectantly, a hopeful smile already on her face. ‘Ok. So I know you’re incredibly bored of seeing my face...and incredibly bored of hearing my voice...but...’

‘Spit it out, Chorus!’ Jessica scolded him. In response, Bobby thrust out his hands in a dramatic pose, closing his eyes and drawing in a deep breath. ‘BOBBY!’ Jessica chided as behind her Sue smothered a laugh. Bobby opened his eyes once more and grinned.

‘Ladies: you are looking at the latest addition to Marilyn’s _ensemble_!’ Bobby announced and Jessica let out a squeal.

‘Oh my God!! Bobby!!’ Jessica jumped down from her bar stool and threw her arms around Bobby’s neck, giving him a tight hug. ‘That’s fantastic!’

‘I’m writing that down, Jess, because I want a record of it when you turn on me. Two days of being stuck  in rehearsal with me and you’ll be trying to strangle me, guarantee it,’ Bobby smirked and Jessica pulled back from the hug, looking Bobby directly in the eye.

‘Shut up. I can’t wait. _I mean it_.’ Bobby gave her a soft smile and the smallest of nods and she nodded back before turning back to the bar. ‘Ok, we’re getting more drinks,’ she said and Sue held up her hands.

‘Already on it,’ she said, waving to the bartender. Jessica smiled, turning back to face Bobby.

‘I’m happy for you.’

‘Mm, I’m happy for me too.’

 

***

 

_‘Wait, you’re telling me they’ve actually put her in the ensemble? No way! And Ivy hasn’t killed this girl yet?! God. This job just got more exciting. Jess, I’m relying on you; if there is a catfight and I am out the room you need to text me. Fast. When hell breaks loose I want to be there, front and centre and with a bucket full of popcorn. Oh and do not roll your eyes at me, Bambi, we all know you can’t wait for this bomb to go off either.’_

***

 

Jessica took Bobby’s hand and tugged him off to the side of the room, the two of them giggling to each other as they went. They were both still hyped on a first-day buzz and they couldn’t help finding almost everything funny. The others knew better than to try and get involved; Jessica and Bobby had their own language at times like this, a code built on shared history and a back-catalogue of in-jokes which would take a lifetime to explain to an outsider.

‘But what about the thing with the-’

‘Not there. Just gone.’

‘So he never-’

‘I don’t know, that’s the weird thing, he didn’t say. I just-‘

‘Assumed?’

‘I just assumed.’

‘But what about-’

‘I don’t know!’

‘Wow.’

‘I know, right?’

‘So what happened?’

‘Well, you know the rest. But still. I was sworn to secrecy.’

‘But what were you even-’

‘You know the dance break in the-’

‘Before the scene with-’

‘No, after. We were working on that for so long it’s like...imprinted in my memory.’

‘Oh! No, I know the bit. Ok. I get you. But...are you sure?’

‘What, you don’t think that song sounds a bit like it?’

‘Which bit though?’

‘The bit with the-’

‘Oh, wait, no, you meant the bit that goes like-’

‘Exactly.’ Bobby closed his mouth abruptly then and plastered a too-bright smile on his face, and Jessica turned to see who he was looking at. Karen Cartwright walked past them to pick up her bag, glancing up at them nervously with a tentative half-smile. Jessica wrapped her arms around Bobby’s waist and rested her chin on his shoulder, watching Karen turn to walk away. ‘It’s like watching a baby bunny waiting to get smacked by a car,’ Bobby commented dryly as their eyes followed Karen’s retreating form. Jessica smacked him lightly on the arm but he could tell she was laughing. ‘It’s almost sad, actually.’

‘She can’t hack the chorus, that’s for sure,’ Jessica admitted with a sigh.

‘Ivy’s going to snap her in two before this week’s even through, you know that don’t you?’ Bobby smirked glancing down at Jessica and arching an eyebrow.

‘Oh stop it, Ivy’s just...making sure this chick knows where she stands. And who came blame her? You know what it’s like when someone nearly steals your part,’ Jessica shrugged, then she stilled. ‘Oh wait, no, you don’t, since that’s what you tried to do to me the day we met!’ she teased, untangling herself from Bobby, who smirked and shrugged idly in response. ‘So – drinks?’ Jessica asked him as she slung her bag over her shoulder. Bobby beamed.

‘I thought you’d never ask!’

 

***

 

_‘Well you don’t help! Seriously, how are any of us supposed to keep a straight face around her when you’re staring at her like she’s some exotic bird or something! Honestly, fresh meat and you turn into a bitchy high school girl! Er-don’t even bother denying it, Bobby, we’ve all seen you. You do this thing...here, let me show you.’ Jessica set down her drink before leaning back a little in her chair. Bobby smothered a laugh, shaking his head at her as she parted her lips slightly, licking them briefly before narrowing her eyes a little and looking him up and down. ‘And then you start whispering, all sarcastic, and your eyes go all dark and twinkly and you start arching your eyebrow like this and it’s...well, frankly, it’s kinda scary and you need to stop and-OW! Stop hitting me, you know it’s true.’_

***

 

Jessica let out a heavy sigh as Linda called a break. She turned slowly on her heel and smiled sympathetically when she saw Bobby sitting at the back of the room, shooting daggers with his eyes. She tilted her head to one side, folding her arms and plastering her sweetest smile on her face. As Bobby’s eyes met hers, his scowl didn’t waver and she laughed, shaking her head and going over to join him.

‘How’s it going over here, Grumpy?’ Jessica asked him gently, bumping her shoulder against his as she sat down. Bobby shot her a dark look.

‘How do you think it’s going? I’m exiled. And there wasn’t even a lobster involved this time.’ Jessica barely held back a laugh and Bobby pulled a face at her. ‘It’s not fair,’ he pouted, resting his head back against the wall. ‘All I did was stand next to her! In fact, I didn’t even do that; _she_ stood next to _me_. But I still get kicked out of the number.’

‘Oh like you didn’t enjoy watching Dennis do his thing,’ Jessica teased but Bobby’s sulking only seemed to worsen and she rolled her eyes. ‘Come on, Bobby, it’s one number. You’ve had worse days,’ she reminded him.

‘Yeah, but never thanks to one of my friends before.’ Jessica bit her lip.

‘You know Ivy didn’t mean for-’

‘Don’t even. She’s been a bitch all day today.’

‘Bobby!’

‘She has! She’s all ‘the chorus’ this and ‘the chorus’ that-’

‘ _We_ call it the chorus, Bobby, you can’t seriously be annoyed about that!’

‘Yeah, we do. Coz we’re in it. But she’s not one of us anymore, and she’s made that perfectly clear.’ Bobby shook his head. ‘I’ve been nothing but loyal to her, you know? But this...this is too much.’

‘Oh Bobby, don’t be such a drama queen about it! It was one number. You’ll get over it. You’ll probably be back in before this thing gets in front of an audience.’

‘Er, it’s alright for you, she’s still actually treating you like a human being. Me? I’ve been talked down to by her like six times today already and I’m sick of it.’ Jessica glared at him for that, her usually bright eyes growing angry.

‘She’s one of my best friends, Bobby, you need to grow up and be nice. You know how much pressure she’s under.’

‘Yeah, I also know which director she’s under,’ Bobby muttered and Jessica felt the anger bubble over then, shaking her head at him fiercely and standing up.

‘Urgh, I can’t talk to you when you’re being like this,’ she hissed, turning away from him and stalking off. She could feel Bobby’s eyes on her back but she didn’t turn around, determined to stand her ground on this one; he’d gone too far.

‘Fine, but next time some crappy boyfriend of yours cheats on you, then you can call Ivy at six in the morning and cry to her, ok?’

‘Fine!’

‘FINE!’

 

Bobby didn’t call that night. Jessica lay awake in bed, biting all the skin off her lips and pretending it didn’t bother her. But fighting with Bobby physically hurt her. Bobby adored her and she knew it – and she, in turn, adored him. They didn’t even notice the bad bits about each other anymore, let alone fight over them. Bobby was family to her by this point; someone who just accepted her and, unless she gave him permission or he knew it was for her own good, he never questioned her. And she tried to be that person for him too. But for some reason she was never as good at the total acceptance as Bobby was. She couldn’t resist trying to keep him in check, even when she knew it was futile. Most of the time it was playful, and the rest of the time Bobby just accepted it as a sign of affection. But when he was upset he had a tendency to get snappy. It’s just...he rarely turned that snappiness on her. Jessica rolled over in bed and stared at her phone, willing it to ring. But it didn’t and she eventually fell asleep curled around it. Bobby didn’t call her the morning after either.

 

By the time Jessica made it to rehearsal, she had managed to convince herself that everything would just be normal and that Bobby hadn’t called because he didn’t think he needed to. Right up until the moment she realised he wasn’t waiting for her outside.

 

When she finally saw him he was sitting with Sue, one arm over the back of her chair, showing her something on his phone and telling another one of his outlandish stories. She knew he knew she was there, she could see it in the way he drew himself closer to Sue and sat up a little straighter in his chair. He could be so _petty_ when he was angry. With a sigh, Jessica dumped her bags at the back of the room and watched him, feeling all traces of yesterday’s anger totally dissipate as she watched him. Sure, he was a bitch sometimes. But he was her best friend in the world and she loved him. And...maybe he’d had half a point about Ivy...she was pushing it to the limit. And Bobby’s tolerance level was considerably lower than Jessica’s.

 

After five minutes, Bobby turned in his seat. He regarded Jessica for a moment, his eyes shining with something un-placeable, before finally he stuck his tongue out at her. Jessica couldn’t help but laugh at the sudden show of affection and she rolled her eyes before sticking her tongue out at him too. He grinned back at her – one of his big, toothy grins that sparkled right up to his eyes – and then rested his chin on his hand.

‘Sorry,’ he mouthed. Jessica’s lips curved into a fond smile, because she knew she was one of the only people Bobby would ever offer an apology to for something he didn’t actually feel he had been wrong about.

‘Me too,’ she mimed back and he winked at her before turning back around in his chair, calling out a greeting to the approaching Dennis. It didn’t go unnoticed to Jessica that Bobby’s arm slipped from around Sue’s shoulders and he still kept his body half-turned in her direction. Yes. They were definitely friends again. Crisis over, she thought to herself, pushing herself up and going over to join him. He didn’t even blink when she sat herself down on his lap, simply rested his chin on her shoulder and carried on with his conversation.

 

***

 

_‘Don’t look at me like that. If you want to fix this situation then we’re going to need him, it’s as simple as that.’ Karen looked at her with wide, distrustful eyes but Jessica simply met her gaze with a steady, determined look. ‘I’m serious. Look...Bobby is...he’s just....hard to explain, ok? Bobby is full of stories. And fun. And jokes – really rude jokes. But he’s a doll when he wants to be. And yes, he can be catty and cutting. But he’s always honest. And he’s got the most encyclopaedic knowledge of Broadway out of all of us.’ Jessica smiled slightly. ‘He’s a pro at this, Karen. And he’s my best friend. If you want to last more than a week in this ensemble? Then you have to trust me when I say that we are going to need his help.’_

***

 

‘Seriously, Jessica?’ Bobby looked over Jessica’s shoulder and eyed Karen up and down.

‘Oh come on. You remember what it was like, don’t you? Your first Broadway show?’

‘Yeah. I was a swing. I got put on mid-show and fell into the orchestra pit.’ Jessica rolled her eyes – knowing full well this was an exaggeration of what actually happened but not willing to argue over it.

‘And she’s from out of town, remember,’ she pressed. Bobby flicked another glance over her shoulder, folding his arms and leaning back slightly, clearly giving Karen another once-over. ‘Come on, you love this stuff; getting to tell someone all the places they’re going wrong? Shopping, sassing, talking about shows. Getting to be as blunt as you like and calling it a lesson? You can tell her all your stories – and unlike me, she’ll actually believe them.’

‘Jess, please don’t drag me into this,’ Bobby sighed, but she knew he was weakening and she pulled her best pleading face; eyes wide, hands clasped beneath her chin. ‘Urgh, why do you have to be such a good person?! Can’t you just be awful like me and have done?!’ Bobby groaned and Jessica grinned at him, bouncing up to give him a kiss on his cheek, knowing that that was as close to outright agreement as she was going to get from him.

‘There’s only room for one of you in this world, Sweetie,’ she told him brightly before turning around to give Karen a thumbs up.

‘Good answer,’ Bobby muttered as he began studying Karen again, eyes narrowed. ‘But if we’re going to do this, I’m going to need Sue to keep me sane. I can’t be witness to you playing fairy godmother without someone to bitch with about how boring it all is.’

 

***

 

_‘He is seriously way too hot for you, Iowa. I’m totally going to have to take him off your hands.’_

_‘I’d watch him if I were you, Karen. Bobby’s got a thing for the sweet ones.’_

_‘Hey! Shut up, Jessica.’_

_‘No, but seriously? Bobby will flirt with anything if you let him.’_

_‘Er, anything hot.’_

_‘Oh please, like you’re even that picky, Chorus Boy.’_

_‘Pickier than you are, Blondie.’_

***

 

‘Oh please, stop acting like I was actually to blame here. I was giving you attitude coz you were screwing up the routine,’ Bobby shrugged, sitting himself down on Karen’s couch. Jessica suppressed a laugh as she laid back and rested her head in his lap, watching a mixture of emotions play across Karen’s face. Bobby had a way about him that meant – even when he was insulting you – you couldn’t help but smile.

‘In what possible way was I screwing up the routine?’ Karen demanded and Bobby arched an eyebrow, a rare moment of tact preventing him launching into an answer. ‘I’m serious,’ Karen pressed and Bobby shrugged.

‘Look, you might think it’s all easy being stuck in the ensemble, but I’m telling you now; it’s harder than we make it look. I’m not kidding. People think we’ve got the easy job and that the stars are doing all the work, but that’s not even the half of it.’

‘He’s right,’ Jessica put in, tipping her head back to offer Karen a reassuring smile. ‘It’s an art form, actually. But you’re in luck, coz we’re the best,’ she added with a sly grin. Bobby nodded at that, pointing at Karen.

‘What you need to realise is the difference,’ he said and Karen frowned.

‘The diff-’

‘You just don’t get it. The star gets to let go. We have to _hold in_ ,’ Bobby cut Karen off swiftly, sitting up a little straighter. ‘It’s all about knowing the tricks.’

‘You have to learn a new way of doing things, Iowa,’ Jessica put in.

‘Exactly. Singing, dancing...’ Bobby continued.

‘Especially the dancing,’ Jessica insisted and Bobby nodded.

‘Definitely the dancing. You’re way too big,’ he agreed. And as Jessica looked up at him she couldn’t help but smile softly. What was it she’d said that night she’d first met him? Wind him up and watch him go. Yep, that was Bobby alright.

 

***

 

_‘Tonight was fun, Iowa. We should do it again sometime. You and I could even be friends yet. And you might actually have a hope of making the grade in the chorus. The real test will be tomorrow at rehearsal...just, don’t get me kicked out of anymore numbers, ok?’ Bobby shrugged on his jacket. ‘Goodnight Dev. Remember, it’s ‘Bobby’, two bs in the middle and one y on the end. Ok, Jess, stop hitting me, I get it, he’s straight and taken – just let me have my fun, ok? Now let’s get out of here. See you in rehearsal, Iowa. Good luck.’_

***

 

Bobby was sitting outside the rehearsal room, staring intently at his phone. Jessica was running late and was sending him a full minute-by-minute commentary of her marathon journey in, full of witty remarks about the people she was stuck with on the subway. He was just about to reply to her latest text when someone sat down heavily in the seat beside him.

‘Is it true you and Jess went out with Karen last night?’ Bobby looked up to see Ivy staring at him, a frown knitting her pretty features. He rolled his eyes and turned back to his phone.

‘Yeah. So what?’

‘Bobby, you know she’s the one who-’

‘Nearly got your part. I know. But she didn’t, you got it. So get over it already.’

‘Bobby,’ Ivy protested and Bobby looked up. He felt a small stab of guilt when he saw the genuine hurt on Ivy’s face, but he shrugged all the same.

‘Look, Ivy, you know you’re one of my best friends. But...you’re the star now. And you’re acting like it too. But Karen’s in the ensemble. Which means she’s one of us.’

‘But-’

‘Ivy, don’t be like this, ok? You know I love you, but that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to like Karen too. She’s ok, you know? And she gets my sense of humour more than you ever did.’ Bobby put down his phone and looked Ivy in the eye. ‘The chorus is a team, Ivy. You know that. So she’s on our team. But you know I’ll still do anything for you, and if Karen does anything out of line? I’ll call her out on it. I’ve still got your back, Iv. But I’m not going to miss out on a friend because you’re feeling insecure. Now just drop it, ok?’

‘Ok.’

 

***

 

_‘God, Sam, have you seen them? They’ve even got Dennis in on it now. Seriously, when did Karen Cartwright become good chorus material? How can she just do it, just like that? I can’t believe my own friends would train her up and then just let her in like that. I mean, you should hear them; Chorus Boy, Bambi, Iowa, Blondie...they sound like a bunch of Disney cartoons. Urgh. I need to get out of here before they drive me insane.’_


	3. The Ones Behind Our Friends' Backs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter covers Let's Be Bad through to the end of The Coup. It has a smattering more Karen and Ivy, a little bit more Kyle and a taster of Bobby's backstory, which is perhaps more serious than you might expect for such a flippant character but...I hope it makes sense to people and you enjoy my take on him. Anyway...I hope you enjoy!

 

_'People say I have no loyalties. And that's fine. I was ok with that; let them think that, let them never know. And you know why, Jess? Because I had this one friend who knew. There was this one girl who was the sweetest thing I'd ever seen. And she knew I wasn't like that. She knew. I had...I had the best friend in the world and she trusted me and I was ok with that. That made everything ok. And it made me not terrible. Or at least...that's what I thought. I guess I was wrong, huh?'_

***

'It's open.' Karen had had to double check that she had the right address at first; the name on the door was something which looked Russian, but someone had put a line through it and simply written 'Bobby' over the top, so she'd decided to go ahead and knock. When Bobby's voice drifted out from inside she pushed the door open, sticking her head around it to be sure before stepping in. She stopped immediately in surprise at the sight which greeted her; what little furniture Bobby possessed was pushed out of the way, whilst in the centre of the room he and Jessica were dancing side-by-side, expressions of concentration on their faces as Jessica counted to keep them in time. For a moment, Karen just watched them, mesmerised slightly, but after a minute had passed she suddenly recognised the routine.  
'Is that Let's Be Bad?' she asked, coming a little further into the room and dumping her bag on the couch. Bobby spun around to face her then, instantly falling out of character and into that wicked smile of his.  
'Well good afternoon, Iowa. I was starting to think you couldn't find the place,' he said, still trying to catch his breath. He raked a hand through his hair and Jessica wound her arms around his waist from behind.  
'You're Ekaterina Barinov, I presume?' Karen asked with a laugh and Bobby shrugged.  
'Sometimes, at the weekend.' He glanced down at Jessica. 'You know what I need? A mirror on that wall. It would make this so much easier.' Jessica pulled a face.  
'No, you really don't. We'd never get you to rehearsal on time if you had mirrored walls in your own home.' She unwrapped her arms from round him and went back to practicing her steps as Bobby whined at her.  
'Shut up, when am I ever late?' he demanded, joining in with her dancing half-heartedly. Karen looked between the two of them with a frown.  
'Wow, you two really love your work don't you,' she said after a moment and Bobby flashed her a withering look.  
'More like we know what's good for us. Rule number one of the theatre, Iowa; if the ensemble don't do their job right, the show falls apart.' Bobby flicked his hair out of his eyes and fell back into step with Jessica, leaving Karen to settle down on his couch.

She'd been sceptical when Jessica had told her to give Bobby a chance. Even when Jessica hadn't been speaking to her, Karen had been able to see she was a sweet person; her blue eyes were glittery and her smile fizzy and bright, her ponytail bobbed when she talked and she always seemed to be on the brink of throwing her arms around someone in a warm hug. But Bobby had been...different. Karen caught the way he looked at her, and unlike Jessica's, his eyes were dark; they didn't glitter, they glinted, as though he was constantly thinking of some cutting joke, or perhaps calculating someone's downfall. But, as outrageous as he could be, Karen realised now that Bobby was far from dangerous. He was the sort of person who could make you smile when you didn't feel like it, and win you over with a grin. He made her laugh at the worst possible moments in rehearsal, and, more surprisingly, he was something of a bodyguard. After the night of the great intervention, Bobby had waited for her and Jessica outside rehearsal, and instead of just linking arms with Jessica like usual, he'd linked arms with her too, sticking by her the whole day and shooting his glinty glances at anyone who looked like they might question the new alliance. With an arched eyebrow here and an arm round the shoulders there, Bobby had brought her firmly into the heart of the whole ensemble through the art of silent warning, protecting her position there with stern looks and narrowed eyes that even Ivy hadn't been exempt from. When Karen had asked Jessica about it, she'd just shrugged. 'That's just how Bobby is. Once he decides he likes you, he'll do anything for you. Simple as that.' Karen watched him dancing in front of her then. He was trying to distract Jessica with a few hair-flicks and a roll of his hips, his mouth slightly open and his brown eyes all mischief. There was something about him, something special that pulled people towards him without them even realising what was happening. But he was still a mystery somehow, something about him which Karen just couldn't place, but she suspected Jessica knew about.

Karen blinked, startled out of her thoughts by the sound of Bobby's wild laugh, filling the small space and bouncing in the air. Jessica was hitting him on the arm, berating him soundly, and Karen couldn't help but smile at the two of them.  
'You are a nightmare, you know that?'  
'Shut up, I'm perfect.'  
'Oh, you are not perfect.'  
'I'm as close as you'll ever get.'  
'You did not just say that!' Jessica was hitting Bobby again then, and they were both laughing, seemingly forgetting Karen's presence entirely as they began to play-fight with each other, each batting the other away at every advance.

Bobby's place was a peculiar mix. Karen looked around at the dark walls, which were left almost entirely bare, and the mismatched furniture which took up the limited floor-space. The cushions and throws were brightly coloured and covered in quirky patterns that ought to clash but somehow didn't, and there was plenty of clutter around, though, to Karen's surprise, the room wasn't untidy, it was actually quite well-kept. Propped up to one side of the room was a large framed poster for 'The Producers' on Broadway – Karen remembered Bobby telling her that the show had been his first ever job and he'd been a swing there for a while before getting an ensemble gig elsewhere and moving on. Over by the TV was a multi-picture frame, personalised, Karen guessed by Jessica rather than Bobby, with glitter and decorations, and filled entirely with pictures of Bobby and Jessica together. The central picture, which was larger than the rest, was just of the two of them, clearly taken by an outstretched arm, their faces pressed side by side and filling the frame, their smiles wide and genuine. In fact, if Karen had to guess, they had probably been laughing the exact same way they were now when the picture was taken. Did they ever stop when they were together?!

'She's staring,' Bobby sing-songed and the sound startled Karen. She blinked a few times, her eyes re-focusing as she realised that Bobby and Jessica had both stopped what they were doing and were watching her with amusement. 'Why do I always scare my guests?' Bobby pouted, turning to look at Jessica, whose gaze didn't waver.  
'You scare everybody,' she shot back.  
'I do not.'  
'Tell that to your old room-mate.'  
'If you mean Zak, then actually, he was a friend from high school who slept on my couch for one week when he got kicked out of his apartment. And _you_ scared him away when you woke him up at three in the morning by falling through the front door.'  
'I wouldn't have fallen if he hadn't have left his bag right there.'  
'Yeah, coz that's the part that freaked him, not some girl he'd never met before, creeping through the front door in the middle of the night.'  
'Uh, guys?' Karen interrupted and Bobby and Jessica's heads turned in snapping unison.  
'Ok, now we're both scaring her,' Jessica admitted with a grin and Karen laughed.  
'You know how we fix this?' Bobby asked.  
'Beer and Chinese food?' Jessica grinned hopefully.  
'Done,' Bobby agreed with a nod and they both sprang into action.

It was a good hour later before they were settled on Bobby's couch, talking contentedly about nothing at all as they picked over their food. When Bobby brought up the next day's rehearsal, Karen bit her lip, shifting slightly on the couch.  
'You guys have worked with Derek before, right?' she asked tentatively. Bobby and Jessica looked over at her, both with brows slightly furrowed in confusion.  
'Bobby has, I haven't,' Jessica clarified.  
'A couple of workshops. He's never taken me as far as Broadway,' Bobby added and Jessica laughed, her blue eyes shining as she sat up a little to shoot him a knowing look.  
'Only because you set a lobster on him.'  
'More than one, actually. And it wasn't deliberate,' Bobby said, matter-of-fact as he continued to shovel Chinese food into his mouth. Jessica settled back into his lap, rolling her eyes at Karen and suppressing a giggle.  
'So...can I ask you a question without you getting mad at me?' Karen pressed.  
'Uh-oh,' Jessica smirked and Bobby narrowed his eyes.  
'That depends...what's the question?' he asked. Karen let out a sigh.  
'Is this something he does a lot?'  
'Explain,' Bobby frowned.  
'I mean...does he always pick his leading ladies based on who'll sleep with him.'

Karen saw the moment Bobby and Jessica worked out what she was getting at, both of their faces changing, shifting, their eyes getting a little darker. Surprisingly, Jessica was the quickest to close off, her lips pursing into a stubborn line as she avoided Karen's eyes.  
'Ok, you need to not go there,' she said. Bobby's reaction was different, however. As though there was something he was dying to say, but never would. For someone so brutally honest, he was good at setting his jaw and looking away. Karen sighed.  
'Oh come on, guys, I just need to know. Please?' Jessica bit her lip and continued to find Bobby's ceiling fascinating, but Bobby took pity on her, his brown eyes softening a little as he looked back in her direction with an idle shrug.  
'Karen, you need to start listening when we talk to you; you can't just walk into this town and expect everything to be handed to you. You have to work for it. Derek or no Derek, that's just a fact, ok? You have to work hard in this town.'  
'Work hard like rehearsing Let's Be Bad on you day off you mean?' Karen asked sceptically but Bobby didn't back down, simply met her gaze with a challenging one of his own.  
'Exactly like that. Me and Jess had to work harder than you just to break into the chorus. Ivy too. We've paid our dues, ok? You need to start paying yours.'  
'I'm trying I just-'  
'No.'  
'But I-'  
'No. I don't talk about my friends behind their backs, ok? Not like that anyway. I'm not going there with you, Iowa. And I wouldn't with Ivy either. If one of you did something wrong? The game changes. But right now, that's not the way I see it, so I'm not getting in the middle of this. Please, stop trying to put me there.'

***

_'I decorated it myself. I thought the glitter would fit better with your place than a boring old frame.' Jessica smiled at her own handiwork and nudged Bobby's shoulder with her own. 'I figured you could use the reminder. Coz you know, even when everything else is shot to hell? You'll always still have me in your corner. I promise. You know I wouldn't change you for the world.' She rested her head on Bobby's shoulder. 'Happy Birthday, Chorus Boy.'_

***

Tom watched absent-mindedly as some of the chorus went over a section of Let's Be Bad. He couldn't concentrate for some reason, his mind on his date that night, trying to think of ways to get out of it; there was just too much effort involved in dating anyone, and with Julia all over the place and the workshop demanding so much of his attention, he just didn't know how he was expected to find the energy.  
'I've worked out how he does it.' Tom jumped at the sound of a voice next to him and looked up to see Dennis at his side, smiling brightly. 'He makes sure he looks good in rehearsal by distracting everyone else,' he added, mistaking Tom's confused look for intrigue. Slowly Tom turned back to the scene he'd been staring at but not focusing on. Bobby stood with a group of girls around him, all of them trying desperately not to laugh, whilst Bobby appeared to be the very picture of concentration. Tom smirked.  
'You've just worked that out now?' he questioned and Dennis laughed, sitting down on the desk next to Tom's and shrugging.  
'So maybe I'm a little slow. I'm just taking notes so I know what to tell him off for later,' he replied, flicking his gaze back to Tom and tilting his head to one side. 'You should come out with us after rehearsal – nothing like drinks with the cast to put your mind at rest.' Tom laughed and inclined his head, considering it for a moment.  
'As good as that sounds, I have a date.' Dennis nodded and looked down.  
'A date, huh. I would've thought you'd be a little more enthusiastic.'  
'Let's put it this way; a night of Bobby's ridiculous stories being told in some dreadful bar would be a vast improvement on the stiff and serious dinner I'm booked in for.' Tom shrugged, looking back over to where the cast were still rehearsing. Bobby was whispering something in Karen's ear and he promptly got thwacked in the stomach for his troubles. As he laughed and ducked out of her way, Tom once again wondered what he was doing not just cancelling; a night out with the chorus would be so much more fun. But then he thought of Julia's reprimand earlier and he knew she was right. He always did this, jumped ship as soon as he saw an opening. He looked back at Dennis apologetically.  
'Can't. Conscience dictates I go through with the date. Looks like Bobby's all yours for tonight,' he sighed at last and Dennis nodded.  
'Well, if you change your mind, give one of us a call and we'll let you know where we end up,' he said, pushing himself up and going over to join the others, who had now split up and drifted towards the back of the room.

'So anyway, we're just standing in the doorway – we're probably about a quarter naked already at this point – and there Jess is. Just sitting on my bed with this evil grin on her face,' Bobby sat down next to Jessica, leaning back on his hands and turning his head to give her a pointed look. Jessica giggled and rolled her eyes. 'She's just let herself in even though I wasn't home – presuming I had no life.'  
'It was all I could do not to just laugh right in their faces – the look on that guy when he saw me there! I swear he was about to ask if I was your secret wife or something.'  
'You basically are my secret wife, actually,' Bobby put in with a shrug, taking a swig of his water and grinning wickedly back at Jessica.  
'So what did you do?' Karen asked, wide-eyed. Jessica shrugged.  
'Told 'em I'd be on the couch watching Bobby's Veronica Mars DVDs and eating his popcorn,' she smiled casually. Bobby laughed wildly, throwing his head back and almost spitting out his water at the memory.  
'Like that was all you said, Jessica! You know what she did? She got up and just went 'Be safe, kids!' She patted the guy on the shoulder as she went out the door and everything, all sunshine and rainbows, like this was just a standard Friday night for her.'  
'What did you want me to say? You can go back to eating each other's faces now?! God. Anyway, we all know you didn't care, you still had your tongue down his ear the entire time. You would've just done him in front of me if I hadn't have gotten out your way.'  
'You two are insane, you know that?' Karen laughed, shaking her head at them.  
'Actually, we're amazing. Get it right, Iowa,' Bobby told her with a playful glare and Karen smacked him on the arm with her towel.

Dennis took that moment to sit down and join the group, leaning an arm on Bobby's shoulder and flashing Karen a sympathetic look.  
'Is he bothering you?' he asked Karen jokingly and Bobby elbowed him in the ribs.  
'Shut up, Bambi, she should be happy that she's getting these stories for free, I should just make you all wait for my memoires really,' he shot back. Jessica tilted her head for a moment in thought.  
'Actual Tragic Stories From The Actual Tragic Life Of A Chorus Boy And His Fabulous Best Friend,' she breathed out theatrically and Bobby flicked some of his water at her.  
'I can't believe you just said that,' he sighed in exasperation and Karen and Dennis exchanged an amused glance as the two of friends began to fight.  
'Ok, children, back to work,' Derek's voice cut through the moment. With a sigh, they all began to get to their feet.

It had gone dark by the time rehearsal wound down and as they all began to disperse, Bobby groaned, rubbing his tired muscles and wincing at the crick in his neck.  
'I know I give the impression that I'm not trying, but my muscles are telling me that I've been trying. Like, really hard,' he sighed and Jessica smiled at him fondly.  
'Poor Chorus Boy,' she said, kissing his temple and giving his shoulder a squeeze. 'Look, I've got to run. I'm already late and you know what my dad's like – you mind if I ditch you?'  
'Go ahead, Blondie, I'm pretty sure I'm capable of walking home on my own.'  
'Ok – just remember; no flirting with strange men on the subway. I'll call you tonight when I'm home.'  
'Sure. And say hi to your dad for me,' Bobby smiled before moving off to grab his stuff.

As he walked out into the street, Bobby was about to unhook his headphones from around his neck and slip them on, when he heard someone calling his name. When he turned, he saw Dennis dashing up behind him, smiling brightly.  
'Hey, you got away so fast I didn't get chance to ask what you were up to tonight,' he beamed, falling into step with Bobby immediately. Bobby eyed him with suspicion.  
'Since when do you care what I do with my nights?' he asked. Dennis shrugged.  
'Since always?' he suggested and Bobby raised an eyebrow, making Dennis laugh. 'Come on, you know I care, I just...Jessica's your best friend and the rest of us are just...sort of...in your orbit, you know?' he added. Bobby smirked and shook his head.  
'What you mean is Ivy's freaking out, Jess is out with her dad, Sue doesn't want to go out with you and I'm the only one left,' he remarked, looking up at Dennis sharply to see if he was right. Dennis sighed.  
'One drink?' Bobby looked him up and down.  
'Fine. One drink. But you're buying...and I'm getting bumped up your friends list at the end of it,' he relented at last and Dennis smiled at him warmly.  
'I knew I could count on you.'

***

_'Shut up, that is not even what I said! If I was going to insult you I would do it to your face. And I'd have the decency to be witty about it. God, you people are beneath me, you know that? If you're going to accuse me at least accuse me accurately.' Bobby kicked Jessica in the ribs and she stuck her tongue out at him. 'Anyway, the point is he hates me now coz he thinks I'm a bitch.' Bobby flicked his hair out of his eyes. 'And yeah, damn right I'm a bitch, but I'm the best kind of bitch, and now I'm pissed coz I'm single again and I'm probably going to have to find a new job too coz he won't even look at me and I'm basically going to die alone.' Bobby grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bowl on the floor and sighed. 'Ok, Jess. You can say 'I told you so' now.'_

***

Bobby flopped down onto the chair next to Jessica's, arching an eyebrow at her. She desperately tried to avoid his look, pretending she couldn't read him, though she knew it was a hopeless task. She always knew exactly what his looks meant.  
'We cannot get into this Bobby. We said we weren't going to get in the middle of it and I want to keep it that way,' she told him sharply and Bobby smirked, holding his hands up, eyes glinting.  
'I never said anything,' he pointed out, barely holding back his laugh, and Jessica sighed, attempting to glare at him but falling easily into a smile instead. 'They're going to kill each other,' Bobby added casually, examining his nails.  
'Please, if Ivy was going to kill her she would've done it already,' Jessica corrected him, getting up and moving over to sit on his lap instead. Bobby wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder and watching the door which Ivy had just disappeared through. 'Besides, you really think Karen could kill anyone?'  
'I don't know. She looked pretty fierce to me during that rendition of 'Happy Birthday'. Certainly seemed like she was killing Derek,' he said with a sly smile and Jessica kicked his shin. 'What? I'm just saying.'  
'You're stirring. What happened to not talking about your friends behind their backs?'  
'Please, you're the only one I'd really never talk about. Everyone else is fair game as long as it's nothing serious. You know I'd never say a thing in front of either one of them.'  
'Ah yes, your moral code,' Jessica smiled, leaning back to look down at him. 'Sometimes you can be incredibly sweet, you know that?'  
'Shut up.'  
'I'm serious. I didn't get why you were so determined to have drinks with me that day but... I've still always been glad that you did.'  
'Why's that?'  
'Because you're perfect.' Jessica rested her head on top of Bobby's. 'Flawed.' She sighed. 'But flawed can be perfect, when you get to know it.' Bobby smiled a small, soft smile and looked down.  
'Stop trying to buy my affection, Blondie,' he muttered and Jessica rolled her eyes.  
'Learn to take a compliment, Chorus Boy.'

Both Bobby and Jessica looked up as Dennis walked past, too distracted by a conversation on his phone to notice them. Jessica glanced at Bobby's face, trying to read his expression. 'You never told me what happened with you two the other night,' she said, nudging Bobby gently. He kept his face as blank as possible but Jessica thought she saw something flicker in his eyes, though it was gone too quickly to say for sure.  
'Nothing happened the other night, Jess. He crashed on my couch that's all.' He tossed his hair out of his eyes and huffed out a breath, opening his mouth and then closing it quickly, as though he'd been about to say something then thought the better of it. 'Why is it that everyone on Broadway assumes I'm up to no good?'  
'Because that's what you make them think?' Jessica smirked and Bobby glowered at her. 'Oh come on, it's not that bad. What's it matter anyway?'  
'It doesn't. As long as you believe in me.' Bobby pulled a face then. 'Ivy was on my case earlier. She said if I tried anything with Dennis she'd tell Derek the full story of the lobster fiasco. I don't even get why she thinks it's a big deal!' Jessica laughed.  
'She's just transferring her anxiety over Derek. She knows you and Dennis are just friends.'  
'Well, she needs to transfer her anxiety somewhere else, or I'm gonna be pissed.'

Karen chose that moment to come stomping through the rehearsal room doors and Bobby and Jessica both jumped in alarm. 'Uh-oh,' Bobby whispered by Jessica's ear as Karen stormed by, and Jessica smacked him on the arm before jumping up to grab Karen's arm and make sure she was ok.  
'Hey, Iowa, what's wrong?' she asked as Karen spun round to face her.  
'What's wrong? What do you think is wrong?!' Karen snapped. Bobby got up to stand with Jessica then, biting his nail and frowning slightly at Karen's demeanour. 'It's her. Ivy. She's being a bitch again, when it's not even my fault she had to do that. You know, he humiliated me too, back there, but you don't see me taking it out on anyone else.' Bobby and Jessica exchanged a glance.  
'Karen, I don't know what happened in there but, if I were you? I'd stop talking right about now. If Ivy really is in the wrong here then you need to give her some space, she'll back off eventually,' Bobby offered and Karen shot him a glare.  
'Look, if you'd heard what she said to me just now-' she began, but Bobby put up a hand to stop her and she quickly closed her mouth.  
'Did she threaten you?'  
'No, but-'  
'Did she tell you to quit hanging round with us?'  
'That's not-'  
'Did she imply, in any way, that she was going to damage your career or your relationships?'  
'Bobby I-'  
'Karen, we've been over this. Ivy is not the enemy here. You said it yourself; Derek tried to humiliate both of you in there. Just...be the bigger person, ok? Coz I can guarantee you, bitching to us about Ivy does not make me think she's in the wrong. It just makes me think you're both as bad as each other.'  
'I thought you wanted a catfight,' Karen retorted sulkily and Jessica let out a laugh then.  
'Yeah, he does. But only if it's in public, he gets to watch, and, more importantly, he doesn't get asked to pick a side,' she pointed out. Bobby inclined his head in agreement.  
'What she said.' He turned to leave, then glanced back over his shoulder. 'And don't forget; it doesn't matter what Ivy says to you, you're still friends with the two fiercest bitches in this cast. You're truly blessed, Iowa. Now get your things – we're going drinking. Right now.'

***

_'Hey, Jess; catch.' Jessica looked up as a set of keys came flying through the air towards her. She just managed to react in time to grab them, looking between them and Bobby in confusion. 'They're the keys to my place. I can't really afford the rent but I like it. Also, I'm pretty sure the previous tenant was a Russian prostitute. But hey, that leads to some colourful late-night visitors. Point is; the place needs you in it, preferably in time for movie night tonight. No arguments, you'll be there. Oh, and you're staying with me for the foreseeable future. At least until that moron-ex of yours stops coming round your place in the middle of the night with his drunken apologies. You're not getting back with him, Jess, because you're better than that. Stop arguing! You're beautiful and he's an ass. Now give me his address so I can go kick him in the balls. I know, I'm fucking fantastic, but are you packing that bag? Good. Then get your butt over there now.'_

***

'Wow.' Jessica looked up as Karen sat down next to her at the back of the room and she flashed her a smile.  
'It's good when a number comes together, right?' she grinned and Karen nodded.  
'Yeah, pretty good.' She glanced over to where Ivy was standing, Sam and Tom either side of her, talking in hushed tones. Bobby was there too, and to Karen's surprise he was silent, his dark eyes fixed intently on Ivy, wordless care radiating off him. Karen got the distinct impression that, were Derek to come near Ivy at that moment, it would be Tom and Sam who would launch into the attack and Bobby who would remember to slip an arm around Ivy's shoulders. She just knew it, with a conviction. The corner of her lips quirked up in a smile when she realised; Bobby would do the same for her too. 'Listen, Jessica, I'm sorry about yesterday...' she sighed, looking down. Jessica flashed her a smile.  
'It's ok. You were upset. I get it. But just remember, Ivy's not really herself right now. This workshop means a lot to her. And Derek...' Jessica pulled a face and Karen laughed.  
'Yeah. He's really messing with her head, huh?' Jessica shrugged.  
'Ivy's tough. She'll be ok.' Jessica stood to leave, heaving her bag onto her shoulder. 'She's a good person, you know? Bobby's protective of her coz he knows what it's like; everyone always thinking the worst of you just because you give good face.' Karen nodded.  
'I just wish she'd stop treating me like I'm after her part. The war's over, she should just be fine with it already. Or at least be civil.' Jessica's eyes twinkled and for a moment her expression was so like one of Bobby's that Karen had to flick a glance across the room to make sure he hadn't somehow switched places with her.  
'She'll stop treating you like you're after her part when you stop wishing you had her part,' Jessica smiled, arching an eyebrow knowingly. Karen worked her mouth for a moment but no words came out and Jessica laughed at her. 'Look, it's ok. Just...don't act like you're better than her when we all know you'd happily step over her to get what she has right now.'

Jessica was about to walk away when she stopped yet again, letting out a heavy sigh before sitting back down next to Karen. 'You're only nice to her because you want her to like you. And you only want her to like you so you can feel more secure. And the reason you want to be more secure? So you can stay close to this workshop. Just in case anything should happen that would get you where you want to be.'  
'What makes you say that?' Karen protested weakly and Jessica shrugged.  
'Bobby's theory. Just try telling me he's wrong though.'  
'I thought he didn't bad-mouth his friends.'  
'He wasn't bad-mouthing you, Karen. He was calling you out. It's what he does.' Jessica glanced over to where Bobby was standing. He was the only one left with Ivy by then, his arm around her shoulders. 'He doesn't do being sweet unless he likes someone. It's just his way. It makes him suspicious when people are nice all the time,' she chuckled fondly.  
'He's not suspicious of you,' Karen pointed out.  
'Why would he be? He's known everything about me from day one. Don't ask me how. But the point is; he's got you sussed, Iowa. Don't even try and deny it.'

Just as Jessica was about to go over to Bobby, she saw Dennis appear at his side. Frowning, she watched as the two of them agreed to walk home together and she stood, startled, halfway across the room, as Bobby didn't even look back to say goodbye to her. It was a strange feeling; she wasn't used to Bobby ever forgetting her and it unsettled her that he had. She waited for him to come running back in, just stick his head around the door and berate her for taking too long, but the moment didn't come and she was forced to give up and leave.

It was 12 o'clock when he called.  
'Sorry I forgot you.'  
'Bobby, it's midnight.'  
'And I didn't want you to fall asleep thinking I was a bad friend.'  
'A good friend would let me sleep.'  
'Jess, why has Dennis suddenly decided I'm not awful?'  
'I don't know, why don't you wake him up instead of me to ask?'  
'Because you're my best friend, you're supposed to be on-call. It's in the contract.'  
'I don't remember any contract.'  
'You drank the coffee I brought you that morning.'  
'That's not binding, legally speaking.'  
'I poured a martini on that girl who called you a bitch at Nat's party.'  
'Goodnight, Bobby.'  
'Fine. Love you.'  
'Love you too, Chorus Boy. But please go to bed now, we've got rehearsal in the morning.'

***

_'You know what your problem is? You look at everyone with those judging eyes of yours and you weigh them up and you don't care if they know it. You look at everyone like they up to something – or like you know something they don't – and the only person you don't look at that way is Jess.' Dennis took a swig of beer and shrugged, flashing a smile at Bobby. 'It's kinda sweet, really. It's what makes you human – Jessica's made you soft! Don't even pretend I'm wrong; I've worked you out! You've got a squashy centre, Bobby. And all the sass in the world can't change that.'_

***

Jessica stuck her head around the door and peered into the rehearsal room. She spotted Bobby immediately; he was lying on the floor at the back of the room, Karen braiding his hair and talking idly with Dennis. The morning's rehearsal had been somewhat monotonous as the ensemble were drilled over and over again on the same basic pieces of choreography, and without a Marilyn to work with, Derek was in an even worse mood than usual. Lunch couldn't have come quickly enough.

Bobby glanced up at the sound of the door opening and he smiled when he saw Jessica slipping into the room and coming over to join them.  
'Any news?' Karen asked the moment Jessica sat down. Bobby looked up, arching an eyebrow and making Jessica laugh.  
'Tom's still with her. Sam said she wasn't texting back though,' Jessica shrugged.  
'The leading lady's voice giving out a week before the workshop? Look out folks, I've killed another one,' Bobby muttered without looking up from his phone and widening his eyes theatrically, his expression dark.  
'Shut up, it's not over yet,' Jessica told him and he looked up briefly to meet her gaze, eyebrows raised.  
'Will it be over before they go over Mambo with us again? Coz I really want it to be over before they go over Mambo with us again,' Bobby groaned and Dennis laughed.  
'Toughen up, Chorus Boy, they're gonna be making us dance all afternoon,' he remarked. Bobby let out a noise of exasperation and Dennis and Jessica both pulled faces at him, teasing him lightly as he played up to the attention.  
'So, what, we just...carry on without Ivy? For how long?' Karen interrupted the moment. Jessica and Dennis both looked up at her with steady expressions and Bobby rolled over, turning to fix Karen with a devilish smile, his wicked grin widening as he looked her up and down.  
'You're unbelievable,' he laughed and Karen frowned. 'Ivy's not been down a day and you're already looking to try and stab her in the back!'  
'That is not what I'm doing. I'm just...curious, that's all. Come on, you guys know I want this to get to Broadway. I'm not like you, I've not done a Broadway show yet. And I want to, even if that means wanting Ivy to come back,' Karen said, her expression earnest. Bobby suppressed a smirk and rolled back onto his stomach. He and Dennis exchanged a knowing look, but Jessica gave Karen a sympathetic smile.  
'The chances of this getting to Broadway anytime soon are pretty slim, you know. I've done hundreds of these workshops and none of them ever go anywhere,' she said and Bobby turned to pout at her.  
'So much for 'it's not over yet', Blondie!' he protested and Dennis chuckled.  
'You'll find something else, Karen,' he put in, then he looked over at Bobby with a warm smile. 'And so will you,' he added and Bobby smiled back at him. Karen let out a long sigh and shook her head.  
'Look, just let me know if you hear anything?' she asked and all three of them watched her get up and leave the room.

As the door closed behind her, Bobby let out a wicked laugh, and Jessica and Dennis turned to look at him in confusion.  
'I called it. I knew she couldn't be as doe-eyed as she looks,' he grinned and Jessica smacked him on the arm, trying not to laugh. 'What?! I told you the minute Ivy left rehearsal this morning; I gave it 'til the end of the day for Karen to make her move, and, oh, look, I was right.' Bobby pushed himself up and pulled his knees up to his chest. 'I'm not judging. I'm not judging either of them, actually.' He looked from Jessica to Dennis then shrugged. 'What? I'm not. They're my friends, I don't judge my friends. Although...at least Ivy's being honest about it. Karen? Not so much.'

***

_'What? Oh, this? Bobby gave it to me, actually.' Jessica tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and looked down with a small smile as she remembered. 'The day we met, he asked me what brought me to Broadway. And I was drunk enough by that point to give him the whole story.' She played with the small silver cat pendant on the necklace and shrugged. 'For my sixth birthday my parents took me to see Cats at the Winter Garden. It was the last time we went out as a family, you know, before the divorce and everything. There was this girl in it playing this sweet little white cat, and she did this dance...I was obsessed with it. And basically, after a month of me dancing round the kitchen trying to recreate it, my parents stuck me in a dance class. I just kept going from there.' Jessica laughed then, glancing back up, her blue eyes glittering. 'Bobby got the necklace for my birthday a couple of months later. I just couldn't believe he even remembered. Even now I think it's probably one of the sweetest things anyone's ever done for me.' With a sigh she glanced down at the floor, biting her lip. 'After that day at the theatre with my parents...the night I told him that story is probably one of the best things that's ever happened to me. It sounds stupid but...I can't imagine what my life would've been like if I'd never met him.'_

***

'Ivy's going to crush you if she finds out you gave Karen that gig,' Bobby said, watching Jessica pack her stuff up. He'd got Jessica in on a recording job he'd booked and they were going to head over there straight from rehearsal, but as usual, Jessica was taking forever to get herself ready. He glanced over his shoulder at the nearly-empty room behind them, catching Dennis flashing him a smile and returning the gesture before looking back at Jessica, who was rifling through her bags and muttering something about her phone. He rolled his eyes. 'Did you hear what I said?' he asked and Jessica glared at him.  
'Of course I did. But come on, I felt sorry for her. She was so put out when Ivy came back – and I know they were thinking of putting her in if Ivy couldn't do it coz I overheard Derek and Tom arguing about it after rehearsal the other day.'  
'I don't get it; why are you so nice?' Bobby asked, screwing up his face in confusion and making Jessica laugh.  
'Why not?'  
'Because it's hard,' Bobby sighed. Jessica pulled her bag up onto her shoulder and looked at Bobby intently for a moment.  
'You can be nice when you want to be.'  
'Yeah. But I do it on my terms. If a good deed means not being honest, I won't do it. Unless there's some bigger dishonesty going on, then it's fair game.' Jessica frowned.  
'And how is giving Karen a bar mitzvah not being honest?'  
'It's not. But if you don't tell Ivy when she asks how the gig went...' Bobby fixed Jessica with a piecing look and she laughed, shoving him in the chest before pulling him in the direction of the doors, shaking her head.  
'Look, you've said it yourself; we're not taking sides on this one. So Karen gets a bar mitzvah. Ivy's still Marilyn.'  
'Sure. For now.' Then Bobby let out a small gasp and turned back to look Jessica in the eye. 'Here's a plot twist though; Derek sees sense and casts _me_ as Marilyn! We both know I'd make a better Marilyn than either of those chicks.' For that Jessica gave him a smack.  
'Stop it.'  
'I'll let you be my understudy?'  
'Ok. Keep talking...'

***

_'If nothing else good comes of my Broadway career, I can at least say I got to hug Leigh Conroy.' Bobby sipped his cocktail and grinned. 'I also yelled in her face for her to sing, which is actually the achievement I'm most proud of. I think I'm going to put that on my resume; yelled in the face of Broadway legend Leigh Conroy. Oh my god. Best. Day. Ever. I know Ivy's mad at me for it...but it was so worth it anyway.'_

***

'Get up! Get up! It's workshop day!' Bobby groaned into his pillow and opened one eye to see Jessica bouncing on his bed. 'Nobody likes a lazy Chorus Boy!' she sang at him, letting herself bounce down to sit on top of him as he mumbled his protests.  
'Jessica, it's not like Christmas, you don't get presents at the end of it. You get lousy pay and no phone call. God. Why are you so excited?!' he grunted. Jessica rolled over to lie on top of him, resting her head against his and sighing, closing her eyes a moment.  
'Because, Grumpy Guts, I have had two coffees already and I have a good feeling about this show.' Bobby laughed sleepily, refusing to open his eyes but knowing resistance to Jessica when she was in a mood like this was futile.  
'You're insane.'  
'Says the guy who thought the night before the workshop was a good time to sample every cocktail on the menu,' Jessica told him.  
'That is not true. I had like, two!'  
'Well in that case, you've got no excuse for not getting up.' Jessica beamed sunnily at him and got up, dragging the covers off Bobby as he whined and attempted to kick her. He missed horribly and was forced to open his eyes in order to make a grab for the covers instead. He and Jessica tussled a moment before she managed to dodge out of the way, sending him rolling off the edge of the bed.  
'I hope you're pleased with yourself,' he muttered from the floor. Jessica grinned.  
'Yes, I am actually.'

Jessica settled back on Bobby's bed as he staggered into action. His hair was sticking up at a hundred different angles and he wore a scowl and Jessica couldn't resist throwing a pillow after him, just for good measure, as he disappeared into the bathroom. When the door closed behind him, she smiled and made herself at home. It wasn't hard. She spent so much time at Bobby's place that it was almost tempting to just move in; but the fact they didn't live together was just about the only thing left that kept them from being nothing more than two halves of the same person.

By the time Bobby emerged from the bathroom, he was singing, which Jessica knew had to be a good sign. She sat on his couch and ate cereal whilst he got dressed and the sound of his voice made her smile. Bobby had a beautiful voice, when he used it properly, and sometimes she wondered why he didn't choose to do more with it. She'd always understood Bobby's love of the chorus; neither one of them had that same burning need to be front-and-centre as so many others around them did. They _enjoyed_ being in the chorus and relished being part of a team. But all the same, she couldn't help but worry sometimes that they were settling. Well, she wondered if Bobby was. He had something about him, something that made people want to watch him, and she couldn't help but think that perhaps that was wasted in the ensemble. And as for his voice...Jessica still remembered the first time she heard him sing; some country song or other. He should've been too drunk to stand, by rights. But he'd still managed to hold his notes. His voice was one of those surprising, come-out-of-nowhere ones; an unexpected power and tone to it that somehow didn't match his dark eyes and grinning lips.  
'Hey daydreamer, you need to stop staring at me,' Bobby's voice interrupted and Jessica looked up, refocusing on Bobby's face before rolling her eyes at him.  
'You work in the theatre, Bobby. You'd shrivel and die if people stopped staring at you.'

When they got to rehearsal, Sue and Dennis were already there, leaning against the wall and trying their best to blend in with it; Derek was stalking about somewhere with a thunderous expression on his face and no-one wanted to risk being around when that storm broke.  
'Wow, I take it the heat's still not fixed then?' Bobby asked as they came over, and he blew his hair out of his face. Sue shook her head, clearly unimpressed.  
'As if everybody didn't have enough to stress about,' she said, rolling her eyes.  
'Looks like it's going to be a hot one!' Dennis put in cheerfully and Bobby gave him a mischievous smile.  
'Please, it's always a hot one when we're in town,' he grinned, bumping his hip against Dennis' then Jessica's and giving them each a flash of his twinkling eyes. The others laughed and Dennis shook his head.  
'Well at least someone's in a good mood,' he smirked.  
'Please, you should have seen him before I got some coffee down his neck, he was ready to commit murder,' Jessica put in and Bobby rolled his eyes.  
'Yeah, coz some pixie-woman was jumping up and down on my bed at stupid o'clock! What do you expect?!' he sighed dramatically and Jessica stuck her tongue out at him.  
'Have either of you guys seen Ivy?' she asked, turning back to Dennis and Sue.  
'Not yet, but I saw Sam earlier and he said she's not doing so good. Apparently she's been texting him all morning. You think you can manage to be tactful for an hour or two, Bobby? Or are we going to have to tape that mouth of yours shut?' Dennis smirked and all of them turned their eyes to Bobby. He looked at them steadily, folding his arms and arching an eyebrow, trying to stare them down.  
'I don't know what you mean,' he replied slowly and Jessica narrowed her eyes at him. 'Ok fine...I might have a small idea what you mean. But come on, I don't mean anything by it. If I think it then it tends to come out my mouth,' he said sulkily and the others laughed.  
'We know,' Sue remarked.  
'We so know,' Jessica agreed.

***

_'The thing about Jess is that she's an instinctively good person. She thinks she can fix people that are broken and make good people out of bad. But the problem is that...sometimes she can't. And then she gets hurt.' Bobby looked down and ran his finger around the rim of his beer bottle. 'Me? I'm not a good person. Not really. Not like she is. So I don't give a damn what excuse you think you've got; if you hurt her, I'll hurt you. And I won't feel bad about it for one second.' He looked back up then and leant in. 'If she ever finds out what really went down with Jake to make him stop calling? She'll probably finally give up trying to see the best in me. She'll know I'm awful and that'll be the end of it. But it'd be worth it, you know? Coz at least I'd still know she's safe from getting broken by him again.'_

***

'I DIDN'T THROW IT, IT JUST EXPLODED, OK?! GOD!' Kyle looked up at the shriek which came from the other side of the room. There was a group gathered at the corner of the bar, a man standing in the middle of it with a brightly coloured cocktail in his hand. The man flicked his dark hair out of his eyes, clearly revelling in the attention. 'Ok, when you're done mocking me, I think we should raise a toast!' He leant back against the bar to raise his glass, bumping his shoulder with the blonde woman beside him and giving her a wink. 'To probably never hearing about Marilyn again!' Kyle's interest was piqued and he watched the group clink their glasses together, all laughing, the blonde at the man's side correcting the toast slightly, shooting him a pointed look.  
' _To Marilyn_. May we all get calls from our agents soon.'  
'Never gonna happen!' the man yelled over the top of the others' cheers.

Kyle turned around sharply, hitting Jimmy on the arm to get his attention. His friend looked up lazily from his drink, his eyes not-quite-focused, but Kyle didn't bother reprimanding him, a sudden bolt of excitement going through him.  
'I've just worked out who those guys are,' he whispered. Jimmy raised an eyebrow.  
'Yeah? Wow. Good for you then – but unless they're going to buy me another drink? I really don't care.' Kyle gave Jimmy a half-hearted glare, then looked back over at the group. The man with the dark hair was laughing, his whole face scrunched up in amusement, and the blonde was giggling too, much to the confusion of the brunette they were talking to. Kyle felt a pang in his chest then, suddenly realising how much he longed for a nice, normal, healthy group of friends like that rather than having to spend his night off supervising his moody childhood friend as he headed rapidly towards another of his bad patches.  
'They're from that Marilyn workshop. You know, the thing I told you about?'  
'So? Why should I care?'  
'You should care, Jimmy, because it's just about the only thing I have to look forward to right now.' Kyle sighed sadly and looked down into his empty beer bottle. 'If it went well then there might be a new Houston and Levitt show on Broadway soon...and it's so long since I last had a good excuse to blow my money on theatre tickets,' he added quietly.  
'God, Kyle. Lighten up,' Jimmy sighed, rolling his eyes and motioning for the bartender to bring him another drink. Kyle simply shook his head.  
'Says the guy trying to drink himself unconscious.' He looked at Jimmy closely then, studying his face. Something had happened that he was wasn't telling him, but whatever it was, it had set him off again. It was just a miracle he hadn't disappeared yet. Well, maybe less of a miracle and more a case of Kyle deciding to pre-empt the headache and play at being Jimmy's shadow for a while.  
'Look...will you just talk to me, please? I mean...what happened, Jimmy? Can't you just tell me already? Maybe we can fix it, maybe we ca-'  
'Shut up! Nothing happened, ok. So just drop it already.' Kyle closed his mouth and looked away, frustrated but too tired to act on it. And besides, what could he do? He couldn't stay mad at Jimmy – he was incapable of ever really blaming his best friend for anything, given everything he'd been through. But at the same time, sometimes, it would be nice – Kyle thought – to be able to smile and joke and just be light-hearted like the people from the Marilyn cast clearly were.

Kyle carried on watching them interact. He was fascinated by theatre people; when they came in at the bar and he served them, he was always dying to ask them a hundred and one different questions about their lives, about what it was like to actually be a part of that world instead of just an onlooker. What it was like to _know_ all those composers and writers.

'I'm going to read the blogs!' the dark haired one had announced. The group seemed to have varying degrees of approval with this, but the two women either side of him both leaned in close, peering down at the man's phone over his shoulder.  
'You know the thing I love most about the theatre?' Kyle asked.  
'No. But I'm sure you're going to tell me.'  
'The people. They've got this crazy kind of energy about them, don't you think?'  
'Well, that lot sure are giving off the crazy vibe, yeah.'  
'That's not how I meant it, Jimmy,' Kyle huffed, still not looking at Jimmy, concentrating on the group at the bar instead. 'I just think...there's something sort of intense about them. Like there's a higher concentration of energy in them than in other people. I mean look,' Kyle gestured around the bar and then looked expectantly at Jimmy. 'They stand out, don't you think?'  
'I think anyone drawing that much attention to themselves would stand out, yeah. And that probably doesn't make them good people, Kyle.'  
'Maybe not, but it at least makes them more fun to be around than you.'

Over in the corner, the man was now relaying extracts of what he was reading to the group at large, getting hit and laughed at as he pressed on through the bad stuff and embellished the good. After a moment he let out a shriek.  
'Guys, we got a mention! One of the show's saving graces would appear to be its experienced ensemble whose talent, at times, carried their troubled Marilyn through her weaker moments!' He displayed the phone to the women either side of him, the blonde grabbing it up to read for herself. 'It says that. You should just believe me, coz it actually says that.' He turned to the brunette. 'But you know they're totally talking about me, right? Not you, Iowa. You're just the klutz who managed to brain herself by falling off a podium.'  
'Oh, what, does it say that?' the brunette laughed.  
'Yeah, actually, I think it does,' the man replied.

***

_'I corrupt things. That's my problem, Jess. I take good things and I corrupt them. God only knows how you've managed to survive intact.'_

***

Ivy opened the door to find Jessica standing there, a sympathetic smile already on her pretty face, those blue eyes of hers so wide and kind it made Ivy want to slam the door right back in her face. It wasn't that she was ungrateful, it was just that Jessica's kindness was more than she could cope with; the niceness would soften her up and then it was only a matter of time before she admitted how much the waiting was getting to her. And then would come the crying and the being-a-wreck and she just didn't have time for it. She needed to stay tough, to make sure no-one could tell how close she was to losing it.  
'Jessica-' she began, but Jessica was too quick for her.  
'No excuses, Ivy. I'm here to check on you and you can't stop me,' she told her, already pushing past and sitting herself down on the bed. Ivy sighed and closed the door behind her.  
'I'm fine,' she insisted, sitting down on the couch and folding her arms, trying to keep her expression as neutral as possible, even as Jessica stared at her.  
'Come on, Ivy, I know you're not fine.' She tilted her head to one side. 'Have you heard from Tom? Derek?' Ivy shot her a glare and she sighed. 'Sorry. I figured you hadn't but...look, you know you'll be the first to hear when there's anything to hear about, right?'  
'Exactly. Which is why I'm making sure I'll be around when the call comes,' Ivy replied and Jessica sighed heavily.  
'Look, just, come out for drinks with Bobby and me? We're going to go dancing. And it's open mic – Bobby might even talk me into going up for a duet with him. Don't you want to point and laugh as Bobby makes a fool of me?'  
'Urgh, the last thing I need right now is Bobby,' Ivy said and Jessica frowned.  
'What's wrong with Bobby?!' she asked, wide-eyed.  
'What isn't wrong with him?' Ivy snapped. She didn't even know why she was so frustrated – and she was sure she was being unfair – but Jessica had opened up the box that was her pent-up emotion and she would just have to deal with whatever way it all tumbled out.

'Ivy, come on,' Jessica sighed weakly, trying to pull things back and coax her away from her mood, but Ivy simply folded her arms.  
'Look, I'm not going to listen to a career chorus boy lecture me about the theatre. I'm a big girl, Jess. I know how it works. I probably know more than he does; at least I've been trying to break out of the chorus. What's he got to show for his career? An understudy credit in West Side Story from years ago. Did he even go on?!'  
'Hey, he went on three times. I even saw one of them.'  
'Oh wow, three whole shows.'  
'Ivy!'  
'Look, I'm sorry, ok? I'm just not in the mood for his attitude tonight.' Ivy felt herself deflating slightly. She was being unfair, putting Jessica in this position. She shouldn't talk about friends behind other friends' backs, but she couldn't help it. Bobby had irked her – he was the only one who didn't bother lying to her about her performance in the workshop. She supposed she should just be grateful he hadn't told her the truth either. That didn't mean she didn't know what he was thinking; great by anyone's standards, but hardly the best she was capable of. 'I know Bobby's your best friend and you think he's got this hidden heart of gold and that somehow that is enough for him to be able to make me feel better right now, but you're wrong. So can we just drop it? Please? Bobby hasn't got a clue of how to make me feel better, so I'd rather just be alone.'  
'Ivy, Bobby's got more idea than anyone how you're feeling right now!' Jessica let out, clearly exasperated. Ivy frowned.  
'What?' Jessica stilled, freezing, as though she'd only just realised what she'd said.  
'Nothing. I shouldn't have said that. I just...nothing. Forget I said anything.'  
'Well now you have to tell me.'  
'Ivy, I can't...he doesn't...he made me promise I wouldn't say anything and...I just...' Jessica trailed off and Ivy fixed her with a piercing stare. 'Look, he's just...he went through a rough patch, ok? And things got really bad but now he's ok, so can we leave it at that?'  
'What happened?' Ivy pressed. Jessica looked torn and her wide eyes pleaded with Ivy to back down. Ivy's gaze didn't waver though and Jessica bit her lip, looking away.  
'He nearly had a nervous breakdown, basically, ok? I had to tip him out the bed sometimes. Going out the door gave him like...a panic attack, almost.'  
'Why?'  
'A couple of things. There were some bad auditions but that wasn't...there was a guy. And yeah, there was another guy too but I swear Bobby didn't do anything, it was just a misunderstanding but...it blew up in Bobby's face. And it turned out that someone really sweet wasn't so sweet at all and he thought that was coz of him and just...it all happened at the same time. And it was...it was really bad. But I got him through it and now he's Bobby again. As long as no-one else betrays him the way that guy did, he'll be fine.' Jessica rubbed her hands over her face and groaned. 'I shouldn't have told you any of that, Ivy. I mean, I know that doesn't even begin to explain everything that happened but it's already way more than I should ever have said.' She looked up at Ivy through her fingers. 'I swore I wouldn't say anything.' Ivy sat back a little, trying to process this new information about her friend.  
'Seriously?'  
'Seriously.' Jessica shrugged. 'In a funny way you've got more in common with him than I have. On the outside you're both so shiny and polished. But if the wrong person says the wrong thing to you...' Jessica trailed off. 'Look, I'm going to go have drinks with Bobby now. And maybe try and find some way of making up to him the fact I just spilt his biggest secret behind his back, without his permission.' Jessica hopped off the bed and moved to leave, but she turned before she got to the door, looking Ivy in the eye. 'You cannot tell him I told, ok?'  
'Ok,' Ivy nodded and Jessica took a deep breath.  
'Ok.' She pulled her bag up onto her shoulder and nodded sadly. 'Ok. Night Ivy.'

***

_'You know what you are? You're a terrible person. And I don't think I've ever had to say that anyone before, you know that? I mean, sure, you think you're being all fun and honest and that people love that about you, but they don't. You're good for a laugh, for a while, maybe. But people get bored of it pretty quick, ok? No, no, don't try and talk to me, Bobby, because I am through. And everyone on Broadway is probably through with you. You're this terrible, empty person and everyone knows it except you. And the only reason they put up with you? Is because your emptiness is pretty damn useful for making them feel better about their own shitty lives. Yeah, maybe you're speechless now, but I know the minute I get out the door you'll have some catty, bitter remark all ready because you don't feel a damn thing for anybody, you're too busy telling stupid stories and dishing out your honesty to notice that everyone is starting to lose their patience with it. And one day you're going to walk out that door and look around and realise no-one's got any time for you anymore because you're just a terrible person and I need to get away from you so that I don't become a terrible person too.'_

***

'Bobby, why are you even coming with us for this? You're terrible at bowling.'  
'I know, but have you seen the way I do it? People come to bowling alleys just on the off chance they will get to witness me bowl.' Jessica linked her arm through Bobby's and laughed, resting her head on his shoulder.  
'Is that so?'  
'Yes, that is so, you just wait. I'm going to have you all enraptured, amazed at my fabulousness,' Bobby nodded, striking a pose. Jessica smirked.  
'Oh we'll be amazed. But I'm not sure it'll be for the reasons you think,' she grinned. Bobby pulled his best surprised face, giving her a slight shove.  
'What, so you're all just going to be talking about me behind my back then?!' he demanded, raising an eyebrow, the corners of his lips tipping up ever so slightly. Jessica, however, straightened up and looked him in the eye.  
'No,' she said softly. Bobby rolled his eyes and glanced away. 'Bobby, seriously. No.' Jessica moved to stand in front of him and stop him and as she did he finally met her eyes properly. 'Bobby,' she said gently and he smiled at her.  
'I know, Jess.' He put his hand on her shoulder and bent his head just enough for their eyelines to be level. 'We're good here, ok?'  
'Ok,' Jessica nodded, stepping back and linking their arms once more. 'But you're still terrible at bowling,' she added with a grin and Bobby laughed dismissively.  
'I'm fabulous at it and you know it.'

***

_'When did you first work out you were never going to get rid of me? I mean, are we talking day one or was it like a week later or something? I just need to know because I need to try and reign in the creepy stalker vibe and I need to try and calculate my levels of intensity so I can try and alter them. I'm pretty sure I'm too fierce for my own good. Do you think that's an actual condition? Jess? Jess?! Are you even still awake?! Urgh. Fine. Sleep through my dilemmas. God, you're such a lightweight, Blondie. Remind me why we became friends?!'  
'You stalked me.'  
'Oh good, you are still awake!'_

***

Ivy found Jessica in her dressing room at Heaven on Earth, sitting with Dennis as they both looked at something on Dennis' phone. The moment they realised she was there, they both leapt up from their seats, and Jessica was the first to make it over to her, throwing her arms around her neck and giving her a squeeze.  
'Ivy!'  
'We were starting to think Bobby's bowling had put you off the rest of us too,' Dennis grinned over Jessica's shoulder and Ivy shot him a small smile.  
'No. Actually, I meant to say before...thank you, for doing it. I mean, I know it was Sam's idea but...you all really made me smile and...you were right, I needed to get out and just sing and dance and be daft for a while, so...thank you,' she said as Jessica released her from the hug and pulled her over to a chair. 'But now I need to ask you for another favour...' she began, pausing and biting her lip guiltily. She knew this was a lot to ask of them but she had to do it. 'I need you to spy on Karen for me.' Dennis and Jessica simply stared back at her, as though they were waiting for her to jump back and yell 'Joking!' or 'Wow, you should've seen the looks on your faces!' But when she said nothing, their expressions began to darken into confusion and worry and Ivy felt even worse about asking them. 'Look, she's up to something. Or...Derek is up to something and she knows what it is. But I know she wouldn't tell me anything if I asked,' Ivy shrugged, looking plaintively between her two friends. 'But she actually likes you guys, if you talked to her...she'd crack in seconds.'  
'Ivy...' Dennis opened and closed his mouth then simply shook his head. 'No. Just...no. I'm not getting involved. No. End of conversation. I've spied on her once before I'm not doing it again,' he sighed. Ivy turned her gaze to Jessica.  
'Come on, Jess, please?'  
'Oh no. No way. She's my friend too, Ivy. And I just...I really don't see what you're getting so worried about. Tom would call you if something was happening. If they were replacing you with Karen...well, Tom wouldn't even let it get that far without at least talking to you.'  
'Jessica, something is going on. I heard it from Ellis.'  
'Ellis? You mean Tom's assistant?'  
'Yes. He told me Derek and Karen were up to something. And I just...I need to find out. Now.' Jessica seemed to waver for a moment, but then she shook her head, her eyes determined as she looked at Ivy.  
'I'm sorry, Ivy. I just...I can't do it. For a job like that you need someone with absolutely no scruples,' she said with a shrug. For a moment all three of them fell into silence, until suddenly Ivy and Dennis looked up at each other with matching smiles.  
'Bobby!' they exclaimed. Jessica looked between the two of them in surprise, her brow furrowed as she shook her head.  
'Come on you two, Bobby's not-'  
'Jess, you know he'd do it,' Dennis put in gently and Jessica closed her mouth, looking down and taking a moment to think.  
'If he thinks there's any chance that Karen's about to stab Ivy in the back? Then yes, he'd spy on her. But I'm not sure he'd be happy about it, that's all.'  
'He doesn't need to be happy, Jess. He just needs to agree,' Ivy shrugged, already pulling out her phone.

Bobby picked up on the fifth ring.  
'If you're calling to bitch at me about something I did, can you please not?'  
'And good afternoon to you too,' Ivy shot back.  
'Sorry. I'm having one of those days. What's up, Ivy?'  
'I need a favour.'  
'Sure, what kind of favour?'  
'I need you to trick Karen into telling you something.' Silence. 'And I kind of need you to do it today.' More silence. Lasting at least a minute. Ivy held her breath. There was a look of 'I told you so' playing on Jessica's face and for a moment Ivy was glad; if he wouldn't spy on Karen, then at least she knew he probably wouldn't spy on her either.  
'Ivy, I'm really-'  
'Wait, before you shoot me down, you need to know what I heard today. Here, Jess, you tell him.' Ivy handed the phone over to Jessica, who scrunched up her face in a show of disgust, though she took the phone all the same.  
'Iowa's up to something. Ivy says that Ellis told her...what did Ellis tell you again?'  
'That Derek is doing something with Karen and it's all this big secretive thing that clearly no-one has thought to let me in on and I need to know.'  
'Did you get all that?' Jessica sighed.  
'Got it...' Bobby sighed. Another long pause. Bobby's silence made Jessica smile. She knew he had his own rulebook when it came to these situations; there were times when a double-cross was ok, as long as someone else was clearly in the wrong first and needed to be stopped. But at the same time, he really didn't like to go behind a friend's back in any way which might hurt them.  
'I don't like this, Jess.'  
'If it helps, I don't either,' she smiled.  
'You really think she's doing something which could hurt Ivy?'  
'It kinda sounds like it,' Jessica admitted reluctantly.  
'Fine. Tell Ivy I'll call up Iowa, try and get her to spill her guts,' Bobby sighed at last. 'But – if I don't find any knives in her hand? I won't sell her out, deal?'  
'You hear that?' Jessica asked Ivy, who nodded enthusiastically.  
'Sure, ok. Deal.'  
'Fine. I'll call you later, Ivy.'  
'Thank you Bobby!'  
'Yeah yeah. You owe me.'

***

_'Hey, missing me already? Oh don't give me that crap about me calling you, you know you were dying to hear from me. Sure, that and...I need someone to drink beer with me. Jess is back at Heaven on Earth and auditions are boring so I need company. Badly. See, that's the spirit. Sure, I'm in the area. So, I'll see you in...what, fifteen? Twenty? Yeah, ok. Oh, and by the way, you are not going to believe the story I've got for you; Jessica, a mop and bucket, a big duet, a woman in a dry-clean-only dress and a fruit cocktail. I'll leave you guessing on that. See, you have to be on time now don't you? Exactly. This is a must-hear, I swear. My life is actually more exciting than the rest of Broadway put together, not even kidding.'_

***

'Just so you know, I'm not comfortable with this.' Ivy sighed and leant on the doorframe.  
'Are you going to tell me or not?'  
'Let me in,' Bobby muttered with a roll of his eyes and Ivy stepped out of his way, following him over to her bed and sitting down, the whole time holding her breath in anticipation of what he might reveal. Was she being replaced? Would Tom really keep something like that from her? 'Ivy...I don't know if I should tell you any of this...I mean...Karen is clueless. Seriously. I mean, I'm pretty sure she's an innocent in this as much as anything. And not in a 'She's from Iowa' kinda way either. I mean in a 'Derek is playing her' kinda way.'  
'What?' Ivy frowned and Bobby rubbed a hand over his face, clearly tired.  
'What I mean is that...I don't think she's done much wrong here. From what she said...it sounds like this is all Derek's doing and we should leave Karen out of it.'  
'So you're not going to tell me,' Ivy said, her shoulders sagging.  
'I didn't say that. I just...' Bobby shook his head. 'Derek's got her working on something with some new songwriter; she wouldn't say who he was, just that is was this 'new direction' Derek wants to try. And he's sworn her to secrecy about it. She said she wasn't even allowed to tell Tom and Julia. I'm pretty sure she's having some sort of moral crisis about it all. She was dying to get it off her chest but she felt bad even telling me the when and where, never mind the rest of it. She's totally out of her depth with Derek. And confused like crazy. Although this time I don't really blame her.'  
'So, did she say where this thing was happening?' Bobby let out a long groan, falling back onto Ivy's bed and pulling one of the cushions over his face.  
'Did you hear a thing I just said?!' He groaned some more. 'This is bad. This is really bad.' And with that he peered up from under the cushion. 'You all think just coz I'm not capable of censoring myself in the moment that I have no issue with being totally unfiltered all the time, but that's not true, you know? I wish I could censor myself, or I wish I was better at it anyway. Everyone thinks I'm this big bitch with no loyalties but that's not true. I try and be loyal. But some secrets need to be shared and others...' Bobby trailed off, seeming to lose himself in his own thoughts a moment before he finally looked back at Ivy. 'Ok. Fine. You win; I'll give you the details. But you don't ever let her know you got them from me. Here, I wrote them down.' Bobby pulled a scrap of paper from his pocket and tossed it at Ivy, already retreating back under the cushion as he did so. Ivy grabbed the paper up and looked at it before turning her attention back to Bobby. She prodded him gently in the side and smiled.  
'Hey, for what it's worth? I don't think you're a big bitch.' Bobby took the cushion off his face and shot her a sceptical look. 'Well, not all the time anyway,' she laughed and Bobby smiled back at her.  
'Yeah well, I get it. I play up to it. It's fun, most of the time. When my friends don't use it to try and get me to spy on my other friends, that is.'  
'Sorry.'  
'Don't be. I understand. You need to know. You should know. I just...Karen's ok, you know? She wants your part and all but...if roles were reversed, you'd be after it too, right?' Ivy looked down and avoided Bobby's knowing brown eyes. 'I know I'm right, Ivy,' he added and she rolled her eyes.  
'Yeah well...just so you know? You're a better friend to me than I've ever given you credit for. Karen should count herself lucky to have you.' She met his eyes once more and smiled. 'You know, out of everyone the other day, you were the one who made me smile the most. You're an idiot, Bobby. But...you're a pretty special idiot. Try not to change, ok?'

***

_'No, Bobby, wait! Please don't go! Bobby! I'm sorry, I didn't mean...I wasn't thinking...Bobby! Bobby?!' Jessica fell back and let her head drop to her hands. 'Please don't leave...' she whispered to the empty space._

 


	4. The Ones We Left In Other People's Stories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, when I was first starting this story, part of what inspired me to really focus on Bobby and Jessica's friendship was a quote from Sarah Dessen that goes "Two a.m.' He swallowed, then said, "You know. The person you can call at two a.m. and, no matter what, you can count on them. Even if they're asleep or it's cold or you need to be bailed out of jail...they'll come for you. It's like, the highest level of friendship.” and I think maybe this chapter came to represent that original inspiration more than any so far. On a more practical note, this chapter runs from Hell On Earth through to the end of Publicity and aside from Bobby and Jessica's friendship we have some Tom/Sam, some Dennis/Bobby, a little Kyle and Jimmy friendship, a touch of Karen and Bobby friendship and some Tom and Bobby interaction as well as some Tom introspection. Hope you enjoy...

 

 

_‘We’re all in the business of stories, you know? It’s just that we don’t all realise it. I’m making a cameo in your story right now. Your favourite song – that’s a story. The way you wear your hair, the things you put on your dresser. Your whole life. And in my story, I’m front and centre. In your story I’m just a chorus boy. As long as I’m comfortable with the story I’m writing for myself, then I’m comfortable being in the world. The problem starts when you begin doubting your own story. And trust me, when you do that? You need some pretty fucking good co-stars to pull you out of it.’ Bobby dipped his head to meet her eyes. ‘Sometimes the chorus boy saves the day, right?’ He smiled uncharacteristically shyly. ‘Look, it’s your story, so you get to choose; do you get back up and turn the page, or do you close the book right here and never know for sure how the story’s meant to go from here?’_

***

 

‘Whatcha thinking?’ Jessica whispered into the semi-darkness of Bobby’s bedroom. She wasn’t sure how long they’d been there, lying top-to-tail on Bobby’s bed, staring at the ceiling and enjoying the comfortable silence as it settled in around them. Sometimes they could go hours in each other’s company without even talking; Bobby with his phone in hand and her watching something mindless on TV, the two of them both looking through scripts or memorizing songs. There was just something nice about existing together, side by side. Between Jessica returning to Heaven on Earth and Bobby starting to pick up shifts at the bar, it was something they hadn’t had much time for recently, making time for each other at all was hard enough.

 

As the silence stretched on, Jessica almost wondered if Bobby had fallen asleep; there was always something strangely magical about Bobby sleeping. To see someone who was a source of such constant snap and spark and movement suddenly still, curled up and peaceful – it was strangely mesmerizing, not least because it was so rare that Bobby allowed himself to be seen that way. Bobby looked like a kitten when he slept, something she teased him about frequently; ‘Aw, you’re so cute’ being met with a ‘Shut up, Jess, I’ve an image to protect’. Jessica glanced over at him then, debating crawling up to his end of the bed to check if he really was sleeping, but at that moment he let out a heavy sigh, turning his head slightly on the pillow, just enough for Jessica to catch the reflection of the city lights in his eyes.

‘The number of hours I’ve spent in this bed can’t be healthy,’ he murmured after a beat and Jessica’s lips curved up briefly into a sad smile.

‘You always get back up though,’ she reminded him gently.

‘Eventually,’ Bobby said. Jessica propped herself up on her elbow and watched him then. The lights of New York cast strange shadows across the room, but she could still clearly make out the way Bobby’s eyes were glinting in the semi-darkness. Distant, faraway. Going to a place that Bobby didn’t usually like to dwell. ‘I saw him, you know. Last week. Coming out the stage door, signing autographs, getting on with his life.’

‘What were you even doing there?’ Jessica asked softly.

‘What do you think?’

‘Oh Bobby.’

 

Slowly, Jessica crawled up the bed and lay her head next to Bobby’s on the pillow. He turned his head to meet her gaze as she curled close to his side. ‘You shouldn’t care what he’s doing anymore, Bobby,’ she whispered, wrapping an arm around his waist and studying his face.

‘But I do,’ he whispered back. She gave him a squeeze. ‘You think it’ll ever stop being there? I mean, do you think I’ll just wake up and be like; there’s a part of my memory missing I think, but I’m cool with that, ok let’s go.’ Jessica gave him a lopsided smile.

‘Probably not,’ she admitted and Bobby flashed her a similarly lopsided smile back.

‘Yeah. Didn’t think so.’ He turned his eyes back up to the ceiling and blew out a breath. ‘I can go weeks without it even crossing my mind, you know? But then I’ll take a step back and look at my life and...I question it. What if he was right, what if-’

‘Don’t even.’ Jessica pushed herself up to look Bobby in the eye. ‘People are drawn to you, not repelled. People are always drawn to you, Bobby. And that’s something special. Not many people have that. When we were working together, you were the only chorus boy who ever got asked for pictures at the stage door.’

‘By like...two people, in the whole time we were there!’

‘Two more than any of the other boys.’

‘One less than you,’ Bobby shot back with a small grin and Jessica couldn’t help but laugh, flopping back down onto the pillow.

‘The woman who thought I was Donna doesn’t count, Bobby.’

‘Oh I know,’ Bobby agreed quickly. ‘I mean, that woman was an idiot; you’re way more beautiful than Donna,’ he added with a sly smile, kissing Jessica’s forehead then resting his head against hers. If Jessica could’ve pulled him any closer she would’ve.

 

The two of them let the silence fall back around them, their minds wandering, retracing old memories in the shifting light. Jessica closed her eyes a moment, suddenly feeling a weight of tiredness mingling in with the contentedness she felt. The sound of Bobby’s heartbeat was just loud enough for her to hear and she wondered if there was anything in the world more reassuring than the sound of a best friend’s heartbeat. Even, steady. _Close_. She almost thought of asking Bobby if he felt the same way, because if she could give him even a fraction of the reassurance his mere presence always gave her, then she knew he would be ok. But then she glanced over and studied his face and she knew without asking. Bobby didn’t often let his guard slip, but when he did it was almost always in the dark, whispering secrets to her across the pillow. ‘Talk to me about something mundane, Jess. I need to switch my brain off for a while and say unforgivable things about people we know.’ Jessica smiled slightly at Bobby’s request. His way of distracting himself or just his way of healing? She couldn’t be sure. What she did know was that Bobby loved words; he loved the way that emphasis changed meaning, the way one sentence could spark a story, the way one word, well-chosen, could mean the world to the person you said it to.

‘Ok. So, what, you want me to talk to you about Ivy? You really want to open that can of worms tonight?’

‘No. I can’t say unforgiveable things about Ivy right now. After getting bumped for a star? That really would be unforgiveable,’ Bobby sighed, his brown eyes unusually soft and sympathetic. Jessica smiled and turned her gaze back up to the ceiling. ‘Talk to me about Dennis. I haven’t seen him in a while. Plus, I know he always forgives me anyway.’

 

 

***

 

_‘Hi, Tom. This is Sam. You know, Ivy’s friend? You called me earlier and left a message? Yeah. Well, uh...if you want the honest answer to your question; she’s not doing so good. But you know, I don’t think she really blames you. A few of us are going for drinks after her first night back at Heaven on Earth. You should come, talk to her. She can use all the friends she can get right now, you know? Anyway, just call me back when you get this and I’ll let you know where we’re meeting up.’_

***

 

 

Bobby wiped down the bar, singing to himself and collecting glasses as he went. He hated the afternoon shifts (hardly anyone ever ordered cocktails in the afternoons, and mixing them was his speciality), but he hated not having his evenings free even more and, with his rent swallowing what little money he did have whole, he knew he had to take what he could get. At least they always let him pick up whatever shifts were going when he needed the work – and he knew all the other regular bartenders well enough to be able to get away with running out on them at the drop of a hat. Bobby sighed and threw the cloth to one side, getting the bar’s only current customer a refill before returning to his post at the corner of the bar, slumping slightly across it and resting his chin on his hand.

 

When the door opened a few minutes later, Bobby looked up with disinterest, expecting another miserable-looking New Yorker in a crumpled suit, come to sit and sullenly stare into a drink for a few hours. But, to his surprise, a much brighter and familiar face appeared, beaming and clearly excited.

‘Iowa!’ he exclaimed, his shriek startling his lone customer so much that he spilt some of his drink down himself. Not that Bobby himself made any move to actually look more alert, choosing instead to simply grin and waggle his eyebrows in Karen’s direction.

‘Hi Bobby,’ Karen smiled back at him, half-skipping over to the bar and climbing up onto a barstool. ‘You want to hear something exciting?’ she asked as she dumped her bags on the adjacent stool before turning her eyes back to meet Bobby’s sceptical gaze.

‘Have you seen this place?’ he retorted. ‘This better be good, Iowa, coz I can actually feel something dying inside of me the longer I’m in here.’ Karen gave him a giddy grin.

‘Guess who just booked a national commercial?!’ she burst out. Bobby narrowed his eyes.

‘Shut up.’

‘It’s for orange juice,’ Karen ploughed on and Bobby let out one of his cackles, pushing himself up off the bar and giving her a double high-five.

‘Well done, Iowa! You know, you might actually make it in this town yet,’ he grinned and Karen couldn’t help but feel a glow come over her from his approval; she always felt like Bobby knew what he was talking about more than anyone else she knew, even the most experienced of people. Bobby seemed to make it his business to know things, and to have that information stored in his head for a time at which it might become useful to him or to someone he cared about. And thanks to all that knowledge he had become something of an expert on all the industry, a connoisseur even, making him extremely hard to impress. ‘So, have you see the script yet? How much am I going to be able to mock you? A little bit or a lot?’ Karen swotted at Bobby and he laughed brightly, dodging out of her way.

‘You’ll mock me either way so what’s it matter?’ she smiled back and Bobby grinned unashamedly at her, leaning back on the bar.

‘So, spill; how come I’m getting this message in person – your other friends run out on you?’

‘I was in the area. And...actually, I just really wanted to tell you. I like talking to you; even when you’re giving me a hard time you make me laugh.’ Karen shrugged. ‘Besides, I’m really grateful, you know? I know I was pretty defensive at first, about everything, but...you and Jess have taught me a lot. And I know you didn’t want to at first but...once you made up your mind you didn’t hold back and...I appreciate it.’ She looked up into Bobby’s face and for a moment she caught him unguarded; no sassy remark on his tongue, no glint in his eye, he was just looking at her with a disbelieving smile. ‘You’re a nightmare but...as outrageous as you are? You can be pretty sweet.’

‘Outrageous? I’m fan- _tastic_ ,’ Bobby said in a low voice, that edge of attitude creeping back in as he recovered himself. Karen rolled her eyes.

‘I should’ve known you’d say that.’ Bobby laughed and Karen shook her head, sighing her most put-upon sigh but making no effort to hide the warmth in her eyes as she looked at him. ‘Anyway; I wanted you to know. It’s weird but I actually wanted to tell you more than I wanted to tell anyone...even Dev. I just...I knew you’d get it.’

‘That’s the business, Iowa. Boyfriends come and go, but shows are family. Especially the chorus.’  Bobby suspected she’d caught his moment of surprise. But he found it hard to mind too much. Sure, it was fun being fierce, but every now and again it was nice to be known simply as...a good person. Someone that someone else would actually want to tell things to. He felt an absurd stab of pride at that; someone other than Jessica actually wanted to talk to him, _wanted_ to spend time with him just because of who he was. As good as he was at deflecting compliments, that didn’t mean he didn’t take them in. It didn’t mean that they didn’t mean the world to him. It was easy for people to think he was all ego, but when people realised that that was all just part of his show and actually stopped to appreciate him for something more than his attitude, it would always be remembered.

 

‘Hey, Chorus Boy!’ a voice drifted across the near-empty bar and Bobby sighed theatrically, rolling his eyes at Karen and waiting for the coming lecture. ‘You’re not paid to talk to your friends. Come on, do something useful with yourself.’ The man who had spoken was Ben; not technically Bobby’s boss, but always up for giving him a playful lecture in front of his friends. Bobby flicked his hair out of his face and refused to acknowledge his arrival.

‘I’m paid to be eye-candy, Ben. You’re paid for the dirty work,’ he replied. Ben chuckled and shook his head, grabbing a clipboard from behind the bar before disappearing once more into the back room. ‘God, it’s like he doesn’t even realise how blessed he is to have me.’

‘I’m pretty sure this whole city is blessed to have you, Bobby,’ Karen replied.

 

***

 

_‘You wanna see my new headshots? They’ve already been made illegal in five different states. See, in this one, I’m smiling all innocent, but then in these three – Jess, stop mocking me over my shoulder I can totally see you – I look like the fiercest bitch to ever walk the earth. The photographer propositioned me after. And I’m pretty sure he was straight. Stop laughing, this is art, people. Please. You can all just go home anyway, basically, coz with these things I’m going to be getting every part in this town for the next three years. At least. Unless they need the whole straight-off-the-turnip-truck look, coz then they’re totally calling you Iowa-OW! Really, Jess? The kicking thing again? There’s an actual dent in my shin just from knowing you. Seriously.’_

 

 

***

 

 

‘BOBBY!’ The scattered group of autograph-hunters looked up, startled, as a small, pony-tailed chorus girl sprang from the stage door, grinning as she sprinted past them.

‘Hey,’ her friend called back, pushing himself up, boredom falling away and a grin spreading across his face as the girl leapt towards him, thudding into him and quickly wrapping her arms around his neck. He caught her with ease, lifting her up as their friends came up behind them. ‘God you weigh a tonne,’ he complained, though he made no move to break the hug.

 

Dennis couldn’t help but laugh as Bobby and Jessica continued to make a spectacle of themselves, and he glanced over to Ivy, expecting to share a fond smirk with her. But Ivy was standing, arms folded, staring off into middle-distance, and Dennis let out a sigh. She hadn’t been able to muster any enthusiasm for anything all day, not even when Melissa had turned up to work with homemade brownies for the whole cast (Melissa’s baking was the only thing which kept the Heaven on Earth ensemble going some days.)

‘I can’t believe you haven’t called me, you big lump! What have you been doing?!’ Jessica was demanding of Bobby as he finally set her back down on the ground.

‘What can I say, I’m in demand,’ he shrugged, letting Jessica wind her arms around his waist as he flashed a quick smile at Dennis. And that was when his eyes fell on Ivy; Dennis could see the concern there immediately. Ivy had picked herself back up from so many knocks, but this blow was proving the heaviest to date and they could all sense she was struggling. Something which frustrated Ivy as much as the setback did; she hated not being able to cope. ‘Hey Ivy,’ Bobby ventured, his voice unusually soft. Jessica looked over at Ivy then, her wide eyes worried and caring. Ivy mustered a half-smile which didn’t convince any of them.

‘Hey Bobby,’ she sighed. They all watched her a moment before slowly turning to look at each other, all of them at a loss.

‘So, drinks?’ Bobby tried and Jessica grabbed on to the lifeline immediately.

‘Absolutely,’ she linked her arm through Bobby’s and nodded in the direction of the bar they had arranged to meet Sam at after the show. ‘Now, you promised me a story! What happened with the guy? What happened with the song? What happened with San Francisco?’

‘The guy’s gone...but that’s a whole other story. Right now? Right now it’s all about San Francisco.’

 

As they walked into the bar, Dennis had to suppress as smirk when Bobby and Jessica stood on tiptoes, dropping behind him and Ivy, making frantic ‘not good’ mimes over the top of her head, attempting to give Sam an early warning about their friend’s mood. Sam, meanwhile, had a big, hopeful grin already plastered on his face as he met them halfway.

‘I got you a drink,’ he told Ivy warmly, determinedly putting an arm around her shoulders and steering her towards a table where five beers were set out. As Ivy moved out of ear shot, Dennis turned back to look at Bobby and Jessica with a grin.

‘Five people walk into a bar...how many will be left at the table by the end of the night?’ he sighed with a roll of his eyes and Jessica laughed.

‘Oh shush, give it a chance,’ she said, giving him a small shove in the back. Bobby flicked a sceptical glance in Ivy’s direction before looking back to Jessica.

‘I don’t know...she seems about ready for a fight.’

‘Then we’re going to have to work extra-hard to make sure you keep your mouth shut,’ Jessica told him and Bobby pulled a face.

‘No fair, why do you just assume it’ll be my fault if something happens?!’ he whined and Dennis chuckled.

‘Come on you two; heads up, big smiles. We’ve got through tougher shows than this,’ he tried hopefully as they made their way over to join Sam and Ivy. Bobby – arms folded, eyes dark – shot him a disbelieving look.

‘Wow. You really are from a Disney movie, Bambi,’ he said, but Dennis merely shot him a smile, knowing better than to take Bobby’s attitude seriously; he could just see the corners of the other man’s lips twitching up.

 

Bobby sat down first, hardly blinking when Jessica sat down on his lap, instinctively wrapping one arm around her before grabbing one of the beers and taking a sip. The two of them – as Dennis understood it – hadn’t seen or spoken to each other for three whole days, which for them was practically a lifetime, but they fell back into routine as though they’d never spent a second away. Dennis hadn’t been able to understand their friendship at all at first. From the moment he’d met Jessica he’d adored her; she was the dictionary definition of loveable, up there with puppies and kittens and Julie Andrews. She put out a sunny sort of energy into the world, without really realising it, and that warmth made you want to be around her. She was the sort of nice that Dennis was used to. But Bobby...Dennis remembered thinking he was prickly. Fine to be around, fun to be around even. But a good fit to be so suddenly joined at the hip with sweet, bubbly Jessica? Dennis hadn’t quite been able to make sense of it. Now, watching the two of them, he realised that they were much better matched than he had given them credit for; Jessica softened Bobby’s cutting edges and Bobby protected Jessica’s soft heart. And of course, as well as all the other, superficial ways they matched, there was an innate goodness in both of them, even if they expressed it differently.

 

They were two drinks in when the peace of their evening was interrupted. All the goodness in the world was sometimes not enough to stop Bobby’s mouth, Dennis thought with a smirk, and he couldn’t say he was entirely surprised when that mouth got him into trouble, causing Ivy to make an abrupt exit whilst Jessica reprimanded the weakly protesting Bobby.

‘You are in so much trouble!’

‘What? What did I do? Are we not even allowed to say her name now?!’ Dennis cast Bobby a sympathetic smile. ‘I’m not apologising for knowing stuff,’ Bobby was pouting, and Jessica stopped hitting him to share a look with Dennis.

‘What are we going to do with him?’ she sighed.

‘You’ve been asking me that every day since you met him,’ Dennis beamed back, taking a swig of his beer. ‘You still keep him around though.’

‘Guys, I’m still sitting right here,’ Bobby pointed out dryly and Dennis gave him a wink, his eyes glittering affectionately.

‘Don’t encourage him,’ Jessica put in with a sly grin, letting out a shriek of protest as Bobby tried to push her off his lap.

 

It was late when the group disbanded. Dennis departed first, with a yawn and Bobby calling after him that he was a weakling. But it wasn’t long before the others were following him out into the night. Jessica was tired too, and Bobby rarely let her walk home alone, especially not when she was barely able to keep her eyes open. It was one of the unspoken rules of their friendship, and as they stepped out into the street that night, Jessica could feel the fuzziest glow of gratitude, creeping up beneath the buzz of the alcohol in her system. She glanced up at Bobby, about to put a least a fraction of that gratitude into a gesture; link her arm through his and lean her weight against him. But Bobby was frowning slightly as he shrugged on his jacket and it took Jessica by surprise.

‘You ok, Chorus Boy?’ she asked and Bobby bit his lip.

‘Er...yeah...I um...I think I left my phone behind though. Wait for me whilst I get it?’ Jessica nodded her agreement, though she couldn’t help furrowing her brow. Bobby’s phone was her only rival for his total affection; he was never without it and he never left it anywhere. The only thing that stopped Jessica from feeling a pang of jealousy every time he looked at it was the fact that part of his attachment to it was due to it holding her number and keeping her never more than a speed-dial away from him. Still, unusual as it was, Jessica was too tired to question Bobby’s behaviour and she let him kiss her forehead before turning to head back inside.

 

Tom looked up in surprise when he noticed Bobby slipping back in through the door, coming over to him with an air of uncertainty that wasn’t like the Bobby who Tom had come to know. As he approached the table, Tom tilted his head to one side and smiled.

‘Back already? You’ve not come to throw champagne on me I hope,’ he sighed tiredly, arching an eyebrow in Bobby’s direction.

‘Seriously; one time!’ Bobby shot back, an almost-smile lighting his eyes briefly, and Tom chuckled, nodding before looking back down into the dregs of his drink, lifting it to his lips and finishing it off with a wince. He was aware of Bobby watching him still and slowly he looked back up at him in questioning as Bobby leant his weight on the chair-back in front of him, looking down. ‘Listen...can I give you some advice? About Ivy?’ Tom raised his eyebrows in surprise; Bobby asking permission to do anything was an event in itself.

‘Sure,’ he agreed slowly, curious. He’d never really figured Bobby to care that much for Ivy, considering him more Jessica’s best friend and Ivy’s friend-by-association. But there was something about the look in Bobby’s eyes which suggested he’d been wrong about that.

‘Don’t cave.’ Tom frowned. ‘The minute you stop pushing her? That’s when she decides everything sucks. And that’s when she loses it for real.’ Bobby looked down, giving a small shrug. ‘You’re a good person, Tom. I get that. You’re nice, you don’t want to upset anybody. But the friend who isn’t afraid to piss you off? They get forgiven way more easily than the coward who caves and runs away when you screen a few calls. Trust me.’ For a moment Tom stared at Bobby, thoughtful, mulling over his words. There was a sincerity and a determination about the way he was looking back at him that made Tom give more consideration to them than he might have done ordinarily. Anyone offering advice to him about how to handle Ivy was – frankly – ridiculous, or at least, that’s what he had thought. But Bobby’s conviction suggested something more was going on here; everyone has a story, right? Tom knew he was more guilty than most of forgetting that; of judging people on their actions without questioning what might have caused them. So he nodded slowly, and met Bobby’s gaze.

‘Thank you, Bobby. I promise you I will bear it in mind.’

 

***

 

_‘Sometimes it’s the guy with six lines in a script who actually saves the day. Just think about it – maybe you could drift into someone else’s story some day and transform the whole thing. Maybe you’re someone else’s plot point. Big reveal. Curtain-raiser. Act-opener.’ Jessica gave the bed covers another tug, but this time, though he still held onto them tightly, Bobby didn’t swear at her, just let her pull him a little way down the bed. She took that as a good sign. ‘If you don’t leave the bed, and you don’t go out the door...who’s that helping exactly? How are you proving anyone wrong about you if you stay in your bed all day swearing at me and telling me to go home? See. You know I’m right.’_

***

 

Jessica paced her dressing room, biting her nails and checking her phone. She’d been stuck in quick-change when Ivy had run out, but word spread quickly backstage and she’d hardly been able to focus for the rest of the first act. The whole company had been sent into something of a panic, and it was obvious to all of them that the audience weren’t impressed, causing a strangely tense atmosphere to settle over everyone. Her first instinct had been to run right out herself, to track Ivy down and talk to her, make sure she was ok; it was so unlike Ivy to let any of her personal stresses show onstage, and everyone agreed she’d seemed drunk, so Jessica couldn’t help but be worried for her friend. But at the same time, she knew that what Ivy had done was not going to be overlooked. You couldn’t be allowed to damage the show’s reputation (not even if you’re the show’s composer’s best friend) and Jessica knew she couldn’t risk doing anything to put her own job in danger. After all; it was the sort of drama which would spread round town in minutes, and could end a career in the space of a day. So she’d stayed put, worrying and feeling helpless. She groaned and flopped down into the nearest chair. And maybe a small part of her felt responsible, as though she were a bad friend for not managing to prevent this.

 

‘Hey, I got your SOS. What’s wrong?’ Jessica’s head snapped up at the sound of that voice. It had taken Bobby less than ten minutes to get from his friend Zak’s birthday drinks to her Heaven on Earth dressing room, abandoning a night of fun with old classmates for a vague text, without even asking for much in the way of explanation. It was something which made a rush of warmth come over Jessica the second she laid eyes on him; it was in moments like this when she loved him more than ever. She got up from her seat to come over to him and she knew that even through her smile of greeting, Bobby was capable of reading the concern which was etched on her face. ‘You said something about Ivy, right?’ Jessica nodded.

‘It’s a mess, Bobby. She lost it tonight. And I mean... _lost it_.’

‘How bad was it?’ Bobby asked, his eyebrows knitting together in a concerned frown. Jessica pulled a face, wrapping her arms around herself and widening her eyes for emphasis.

‘Bad.’ She looked up into Bobby’s face, her bright eyes meeting his dark ones as she spoke to him, communicating much more than she actually said out loud. ‘She’s really been pushed to the limit by all the Marilyn stuff, you know? I mean...honestly? She’s a mess. Like...smiley-face pancakes bad, Bobby.’  It had been their code for crisis since Bobby’s own near-breakdown; Jessica had refused to go back to her own place until she’d finally coaxed Bobby out of the door, choosing instead to stick around, dragging him out from under his bed covers and making him smiley-face pancakes to eat as they watched bad movies together all day, making snide comments about the bad plots and worse acting until Bobby couldn’t resist joining in and smiling with her. The mere mention of the memory jolted Bobby a little and he sagged slightly, leaning his weight against the doorframe.

‘Where is she now?’

‘Gone. She ran out. Mid-show.’ Bobby raised his eyebrows.

‘What happened exactly?’

‘Hard to say. I mean, she was down, before the show. I could tell she was upset. But I didn’t...she wasn’t out of it or anything. But she was late out the dressing room. They reckon she’d been drinking. I don’t know, I guess it could have been those pills her doctor has her on...Sam says she’s on about five different medications now. Oh God, should I have said something? I didn’t want to push her too hard, you know? But I...I knew she wasn’t right. And now she’s out of it and no-one knows where she is and...am I a bad friend, Bobby? Should I have talked to her more? Done something? I just...I don’t...’ Jessica trailed off, looking up anxiously at Bobby. His expression softened in an instant and he shushed her gently, wrapping his arms around her in a firm hug.

‘Hey, come on, Jess. You’re not a bad friend. And I should know, ok?’ Jessica smiled quietly into his shirt, not wanting to break out of his tight hug just yet. ‘Just look at me; I’m still stood here, aren’t I? And that’s thanks to you,’ Bobby murmured into her hair. ‘You called Tom and Sam, right?’ he added and Jessica nodded again.

‘Dennis called Sam. I think stage management called Tom. They both went looking for her.’

‘Well then, Ivy will be fine. She probably just needs to be alone for a while.’

‘I didn’t leave you alone.’

‘No. You lay on my bed with me. Then stole the covers. Then dragged me off the mattress. Then made me eat pancakes with you. Then you pushed me out the door. You’re insane.’ Jessica leant her head back to look up at Bobby with a small smile.

‘You loved every minute.’ Bobby smiled back.

‘Shut up.’ Jessica chuckled softly and tucked her head back under his chin. ‘Ivy will be fine, Jess. But I’ll make a few calls to people if it’ll make you feel better.’ Jessica squeezed Bobby as tightly as she could for that, and he could feel the curve of her smile through his shirt, she was pressed so close to his chest.

‘Don’t ever let anyone tell you you’re not perfect, Chorus Boy,’ she murmured.

‘Back atcha, Blondie. Now let me go, you’re crushing my ribs,’ Bobby replied with a chuckle. Jessica just squeezed him harder. ‘God, I live for this drama.’

 

As soon as the curtain came down on act two, Jessica was already dashing back in the direction of her dressing room. Her faith in Bobby’s network of gossips was immense; wherever Ivy had ended up, Bobby would know someone who would know someone who would know what sort of a state she was in. And, sure enough, as she entered her dressing room, she found Bobby sitting there, gazing down at his phone, tapping his foot impatiently as he flicked a wickedly smug gaze in her direction.

‘You found her?’ Jessica asked hopefully and Bobby rolled his eyes.

‘God, have a little faith, course I found her,’ he shot back and Jessica folded her arms, giving him as stern a look as she could muster. ‘She fine. Safe and well. And you will not believe who she’s with,’ Bobby grinned.

‘Who?’

‘Karen.’

‘Karen?! Shut up. Why would Ivy spend time with Iowa right now, she hates her!’

‘Would I lie to you?’ Bobby’s eyes sparkled and Jessica had to laugh, sitting herself down on his lap with a sigh. Yes, Bobby would lie to her actually. But not about something like this.

‘How come?’ she asked and Bobby shrugged.

‘Didn’t ask. I just got this text from Karen and she said she’d given Ivy money for booze and asked me if she’d done the right thing or not.’

‘And what did you say?’

‘That she was going to hell,’ Bobby smirked, his tongue poking out slightly from the corner of his mouth as he widened his eyes for dramatic effect. Jessica laughed and smacked him on the arm, shaking her head.

‘You’re incorrigible.’

‘But you love me.’

‘I do.’ Jessica looked at him thoughtfully for a moment. ‘Because you never stop surprising me,’ she added with a smile. Bobby glanced up from his phone then, meeting her sparkly blue eyes and staring deep into them.

‘Yeah, well. Zak’s birthday was lame anyway. I swear he only befriends straight guys just to piss me off.’

 

***

 

_‘Wow. So now, not only do I have an actual job in a musical, it’s also a musical with a title. And a movie star. You know, I might not be cursed after all. I vote we test the theory. Shots. Karaoke. And flirting with the hottie in the v-neck over there. If that doesn’t push my luck I don’t know what will. Oh shut up, Jess, finders keepers doesn’t apply when he’s clearly not straight. You so need to get your eyes tested already. Although, full marks for taste.’_

***

 

Jimmy looked up as he heard Kyle let out a noise of disgust from the other end of the bar. His friend was staring down at something on his phone, shaking his head, his usually open face scrunched up into a frown.

‘What’s got you all pouty all of a sudden?’ Jimmy asked, chucking down the cloth he’d been wiping the bar with and coming to peer over Kyle’s shoulder. Kyle flicked a glance up at him, rolling his eyes and quickly putting his phone down.

‘It’s nothing. Just reading online about that Houston and Levitt thing,’ he dismissed, grabbing some empty glasses on the bar, suddenly fascinated with completing the clean-up of the bar.

‘Why so secretive all of a sudden? One minute you want me to be interested, then when I am you start whining at me,’ Jimmy frowned and Kyle paused a moment, sighing heavily before turning to face him.

‘You want to know why I’m secretive? It’s because lately, everything I say, you take the wrong way. Then you usually insult me, make some comment about something I love and then run off to go and get drunk with a bunch of people who you call your friends but, as far as I can see? All they do is get you into situations I spend the rest of my time trying to get you out of. You’ve been hell to live with recently, you know that? And the worst part is, I don’t think you even care how much I’ve been running round after you.’ Kyle’s frustration was obvious, but still he didn’t raise his voice. Kyle never shouted at Jimmy, no matter what. He’d known him too long to put him through that, even when he was at his worst. Bad memories. Jimmy appreciated it more than he ever let on – because if he let on then there was a chance that Kyle might realise exactly how much he really was doing for Jimmy and decide that actually he didn’t deserve it at all. But seeing his friend clearly so angry, he wanted badly to make it right. He just didn’t know how. He was so often at a loss as to how to make things right. So he just stared at Kyle plaintively, watching his friend’s blue eyes search his face, amazed to see pure tiredness in them rather than actual disappointment. ‘This new musical is something I’m looking forward to. I’m excited about it. I’m interested in it. And given how you’ve been acting lately? I think it’s maybe for the best I don’t let it be associated with you in any way. I don’t want it to be just another interest of mine that’s up for being mocked when you get pissed off with me.’

 

Anyone else and Jimmy would’ve let them storm off to sulk. But this was Kyle; the only person in his life he’d ever really managed to stand by, the only person in his life whose opinion of him actually mattered. So as Kyle headed off into the back room, Jimmy followed him, and Kyle glanced back over his shoulder at him, attempting to glare at him but failing completely, falling instead into a resigned sigh. ‘Look, it’s not like it even matters anyway now, because they’re spoiling the show all by themselves.’

‘What do you mean?’ Jimmy frowned.

‘They’re casting a star. Rebecca Duvall?’

‘Never heard of her.’

‘That’s because you get drunk and high with a bunch of morons instead of coming to the movies with me,’ Kyle shot back, his eyes strangely twinkly and playful rather than angry. ‘I hate her anyway. And she’s completely wrong for the part. But that’s how Broadway works these days; theatre’s not about art any more, it’s about celebrity. Musicals from movies and back catalogues, movie stars trying to sing...I just love the shows, but they all get lost in the blur of their own PR these days.’ Kyle shrugged then, glancing up at Jimmy with a sad smile. ‘It’s stupid that I care. I know it’s stupid. But still. I hate when I see good projects have to fight so hard to even make it to previews.’ Jimmy couldn’t help but smile at that.

‘Well if it bothers you so much, then why are you always on at me to work on our show? It was never going to make it anyway – and if Broadway’s going to hell as well...’

‘I still care about our show because it’s ours. And because it’s our way into that world. I still have faith in the theatre, Jimmy. Just because it’s tough, it doesn’t mean it’s gone to hell.’ Kyle smiled shyly, looking down, his hair falling in his eyes. ‘I believe in the theatre. That’s the whole point of the theatre, Jimmy. It makes you believe in things. Takes you out of your own life and into something...full of magic and hope. I mean; don’t you think it’s amazing how every poster you see on every street corner represents a dream someone had one time? A tune some guy had in his head, a lyric, a character. And then those dreams become something. And suddenly they’re fuelling other people’s dreams. And it all keeps spinning; dream after dream. Even the ones that end in disaster...they’ve probably inspired somebody somewhere. And so the theatre goes on, more dreams become shows every year on Broadway.’

‘Like yours you mean?’

‘Like _ours_ , Jimmy,’ Kyle corrected gently, looking back up to meet Jimmy’s gaze. ‘I’ve got faith in the theatre, ok? And, hey, I’ve heard your songs. You’re talented, Jimmy. The whole of Broadway could down in flames, but I’d still know we were going to make it, coz I’ve got faith in you.’

 

***

 

_‘So Jess is running down the street with one shoe on, Tristan is screaming at her out the window, Dennis is totally lost, hasn’t got a clue what’s just happened, and I’m stuck holding this beat-up umbrella, getting soaked, might I add, and I just cannot stop laughing. I mean; I was uncontrollable, at that point. I was laughing so hard no actual sound was coming out. It was insane. I swear it was the funniest thing. The best part was, we actually got invited for drinks with him after. And there were all these angry fangirls standing across the street taking photos on their phones and bitching about us coz we nearly got their idol run over and I broke his fucking umbrella. I was so drunk by that point though that I just posed for the camera. I mean for real; there is a picture out there somewhere on the internet of me and Jess doing a full-on tango behind his back. It’s like my one big claim to fame.’ Bobby let out another loud laugh before picking up his drink again and taking a sip. ‘So anyway – where were we? Oh I remember; Rebecca Duvall. I bet you ten dollars she doesn’t even show.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘Ivy should count herself lucky she got bumped. This ship is gonna sink before we even reach previews-JESSICA! Don’t hit me. It’s not any better than the kicking thing. God. Why was Timberlake so nice to you, you’re a freaking psycho.’_

***

 

‘So, have you guys ever done this before?’ Jessica and Bobby turned to see Karen flopping down into seat beside them. They both exchanged a look before Bobby leant close to Jessica, his dark eyes bright with mischief.

‘Iowa’s finally lost it,’ he stage-whispered and Karen shot him a half-hearted glare as Jessica stifled a giggle. ‘So what, do you want my resume, you wanna call my agent for details or...did you actually mean something else?’ Bobby asked jokingly, leaning back in his seat.

‘I meant the movie star thing,’ Karen clarified, pulling a face. Bobby simply tilted his head to one side, making a great show of considering the question.

‘I stood next to Johnny Depp in a coffee line once...’

‘Shut up; he means he was in the building of a place when Johnny Depp came in for coffee once,’ Jessica said, rolling her eyes. Karen couldn’t help but laugh as Bobby protested.

‘I actually meant have you ever worked with one – I mean this whole thing with the investors before she’s even seen us rehearse or anything, is that...it that normal?’ she asked, glancing around the room as people began to filter in; the rest of the chorus beginning to take their seats at the back whilst Tom and Julia conducted  a whispered conversation with Derek in a corner. Bobby shrugged idly, his attention wandering over to where Dennis was standing.

‘In my experience? There’s no such thing as normal in this business.’ And with that he pushed himself out of his chair and went over to greet Dennis, with Jessica watching his path the entire time. Karen watched also, her eyes narrowing slightly as she watched the way Bobby and Dennis interacted, suddenly curious as to just what their story was.

‘Hey, those two have never...’ she trailed off, watching as Jessica also studied Bobby and Dennis closely, her head to one side.

‘Come on, Karen, you really think I’d tell anyone if they had?’

‘Bobby would tell if you dated someone in the cast.’

‘No. Not unless I said he could anyway,’ Jessica shrugged.

 

By the time the investors had come and gone without meeting their movie star, Jessica was just about ready to strangle Bobby, and she abandoned Karen the moment the doors shut behind Eileen and Derek, rushing straight over to him to cuff him round his head. The entire time they had been in the room, Bobby had been pulling faces at her whenever she happened to glance his way. Most of the ensemble’s boys were seated on the opposite side of the room to the girls, but that hadn’t stopped Bobby from making Jessica struggle not laugh, and she fully intended to punish him. However, Bobby simply laughed wickedly at her efforts, pulling her down to sit on his lap.

 

‘So...is that it? We just go back to rehearsing? Without a Marilyn?’ Karen’s voice cut in. Bobby, Dennis and Jessica all looked up at her in unison.

‘She’s still after the part,’ Jessica said, matter-of-fact.

‘Like I hadn’t figured that one out,’ Bobby smirked. Dennis offered Karen a sweet smile.

‘Ignore those two. We’ll probably just have to wait and see what happens. They might even pick an understudy,’ he offered and Bobby arched an eyebrow.

‘Oo, drama,’ he chimed in and Jessica shook her head at him.

‘How did your parents even live through your teenage years if this is you all grown up?’ she demanded and Dennis smiled, resting his chin on Bobby’s shoulder.

‘Pretty sure Bobby just emerged fully formed actually,’ he joked.

‘You know I can imagine that. Just, his parents turning round one day and this sassy little two-year-old marching in their front door going ‘I’m here’ and totally not giving a damn,’ Jessica giggled. Bobby flicked his hair out of his face and rolled his eyes.

‘You’re all weird, you know that,’ he said, before turning to look at Dennis. ‘And I’ll have you know I was an adorable baby.’

‘I’ve seen the photos. He was pretty adorable. And he had the chubbiest cheeks I’ve ever-’ Jessica closed her mouth abruptly and stifled a laugh as Bobby glowered at her.

‘I’m never telling you anything ever again,’ he remarked as Karen and Dennis chuckled in the background.

 

***

 

_‘Look, all I’m saying is that it’ll end in tears. I didn’t say I wasn’t happy for her, I just said, someone is gonna end up crying and it’s not gonna be pretty. I’m talking diva-tantrum tears here, you guys. Someone’s tears will be spilt before this even gets to the end of Boston. As for Broadway?’ Bobby sucked in a breath and raised his eyebrows. ‘This Marilyn thing isn’t over. I’m telling you. There is trouble ahead and someone’s going to get hurt. I don’t get why you don’t all see that.’ He shrugged. ‘You all carry on hugging her and clapping and being her personal cheerleaders. But I’ll be honest. And we’ll see who she thanks when this thing is an actual Broadway show, that’s all I’m saying.’_

***

 

‘Hey, where did Jess and Karen go?’ Bobby looked up at the sound of Dennis’ voice behind him. He’d thought he was the last person left after Jessica had abandoned him for a dinner date with an old school friend of hers and Karen had all but run out to go and tell Dev the news of her promotion to understudy. ‘You didn’t scare them off with your scepticism did you?’ Dennis teased and Bobby rolled his eyes.

‘Please, Jess would’ve ditched me on day one if she couldn’t handle a bit of honesty now and then,’ he replied, tugging his bag onto his shoulder before looking Dennis up and down. ‘And what about you, Bambi? Did the other woodland creatures abandon you?’ From anyone else it could’ve sounded dismissive, cruel even, but coming from Bobby, somehow, Dennis took it as a sign of affection.

‘Actually, I was looking for you. You don’t live that far away from me, you know. I don’t know why we don’t walk together more often,’ he shrugged. Bobby smiled slightly, nodding a considering nod before turning in the direction of the door.

‘Well then, let’s walk.’

 

Later, Bobby would forget what it was they were arguing about. The playful spat had erupted only seconds after they’d made it out into the street and Bobby’s main memory of it would be each of them taking it in turns to shoulder-barge the other as they walked, the shoves getting more and more forceful as the two of them laughed and shot sharp comments back and forth. But Dennis? He would remember it more precisely. An argument about the theatre. Bobby’s devilish laugh. A shove. A tug. A kiss.

 

‘I just don’t understand you! The theatre is about joy, it’s about expressing joy! But all you seem to do is despair of it.’

‘If it’s about joy, then why do they make us suffer so much, Dennis?’

‘Because you have to work hard to earn the right to do a job you love.’

‘That’s a lame reason, you know that? HEY! Don’t shove me!’

‘I’ll shove you if I-hey! That wasn’t fair, I wasn’t ready!’

‘Well neither was I!’ Another shove. ‘Quit it, Bambi. I thought you were supposed to be nice.’

‘Nicer than you.’

‘Don’t stick your tongue out at me. I can be nice.’

‘You’re not even nice to the theatre.’ Shove.

‘I love the theatre.’ Shove.

‘You just said you hated it, like five minutes ago. You say it all the time!’

‘Fine. I don’t hate the theatre. Happy?’ Shove.

‘Over the moon.’ Shove, laugh, roll of eyes.

‘Good.’

‘So, why do you love the theatre then?’

‘Why do you care?’

‘I just want to know.’ Shove. Grin.

‘You’re maddening.’ Smile.

‘I’m adorable.’

‘Urgh. You so are.’ Honesty.

‘Then spit it out, Bobby. Why do you love the theatre?’ Dennis grabbed Bobby’s arm as he spoke, stopping him in his tracks, and Bobby let out a long sigh, tipping his head back to look skywards before turning to look at Dennis thoughtfully.

‘The theatre is...everything. It’s adrenaline and devastation. It’s fury, it’s love, it’s tears. Silliness. It’s family. It’s absurdity. It’s...extremes. And exhilaration and-’

‘It’s you,’ Dennis half-whispered, incredulous at the realisation, looking at Bobby with a small, soft smile, his eyes bright and sparkling. Bobby slowly looked back at him, the corner of his lips twitching up.

‘Yeah, I guess it is,’ he replied, giving Dennis one more small shove. But instead of falling back, Dennis stood his ground this time, catching Bobby’s arm and then reaching out his other hand to tug his shirt. Bobby frowned slightly and Dennis tugged again, and this time Bobby took a step closer, his eyes still searching Dennis’ face. Another tug and they were standing toe to toe. And that was when Dennis leant in, cupping Bobby’s face with his hand and pulling him in for a kiss.

 

When they finally broke apart and stood looking at each other, Dennis waited for the smart, cutting remark. The rejection. The dismissal. The turn away. But instead Bobby gave him a small smile and giving his shoulder one last shove. ‘You taste of strawberries.’ Dennis blinked and Bobby winked at him. ‘See you around, Bambi.’ And with that he stuck his hands into his pockets, turned, and walked away.

 

 

***

 

 

_‘Come on, Jess, you’re taking forever. We need lunch! Sue’s already gone without us, and I heard Dennis here threaten ditching us for Sam – what are you even doing? Urgh. You’re such hard work. Hey, you know where we should go when you’re finally ready? We should go get ice-cream. Don’t look at me like that, Jess, you know you’ll eat your own weight of the stuff when it’s put in front of you. Besides; I’ve got a craving for strawberries.’ Bobby glanced to his side and rolled his eyes. ‘Quit smiling, Bambi.’ He looked back at Jess, who was looking between the two of them curiously. ‘You coming? Ok. Let’s go already.’_

***

 

Bobby froze, spoonful of cereal halfway to his mouth, at the sound of a knock on the door. No-one tended to come knocking on his door late at night. Well, that wasn’t strictly true; there had been a fun few weeks when he’d first moved in, where plenty of odd characters had shown up at his door in search of Ekaterina Barinov, but most of them had got the message after about a fortnight. His only late night visitor these days tended to be Jessica, but she used his door key more often than she used her own. There was another knock, slightly more forceful, and Bobby sighed, rolling his eyes. Jessica must’ve forgotten her key, it was the only explanation. He abandoned his cereal bowl on the side and jumped down from the kitchen counter, opening the door with a flourish.

‘God, Blondie, and you have the nerve to accuse me of stalk-oh...hey, Karen.’ Bobby blinked in surprise, arching an eyebrow in query. ‘Ok, you don’t look happy...’ he added, looking her up and down. Karen offered him a half-hearted smile.

‘Good to see you too, Bobby,’ she sighed and Bobby smirked, flicking his hair out of his eyes and taking a step back to let her past him.

‘Ok, Grumpy. Come on in,’ he told her, nodding in the direction of his couch. He shut the door behind her and she made a beeline for his couch, falling heavily onto it. ‘You look like you could use some ice-cream,’ he remarked, turning to his freezer to grab some.

‘I’m fine,’ Karen dismissed and Bobby rolled his eyes.

‘You are not fine; you just showed up at my door at eleven at night. Look it up, Iowa. It’s dictionary definition miserable. Now talk,’ he retorted, handing her a tub of ice cream and a spoon. For a moment she stared at them, then glanced up at him with a slightly disbelieving smile, before taking them off him and falling back against the couch cushions.

‘Ok. Maybe I’m not that fine,’ she admitted, pulling a face at him before glancing down. Bobby simply nodded, perching on the arm of the couch and studying her carefully.

‘You want me to call Jess?’ he offered. Karen shook her head.

‘No, it’s ok. You gave me ice-cream – pretty sure that means you’re who I need right now,’ she said with a small smile and Bobby smiled back softly.

‘It’s probably for the best. If Jess knew we had ice-cream? You wouldn’t be allowed a spoon, she’d just have swallowed it whole,’ he shrugged, winking at Karen and making her laugh.

 

For a moment they sat in silence, Bobby watching Karen carefully. ‘You know I’ve got to ask what you’re doing here, right?’ he pressed after a minute had passed and Karen sighed.

‘I know.’ She glanced up at him. ‘I got into a fight with Dev.’

‘Really?’ Bobby was surprised. Dev seemed too softly-spoken to be the fighting type.

‘I was telling him about rehearsal today and...and then he started shouting at me and it just...it was too much. I needed to get out.’ Karen stabbed the spoon into the ice-cream and rolled her eyes. ‘It was just so stupid. I knew I shouldn’t have told him.’ Bobby frowned at her.

‘Wait wait wait...he was shouting at you because of rehearsal?’ He scrunched up his face. ‘That doesn’t make any sense. You didn’t take Derek home by accident did you? The British accent can confuse you you know,’ he said and Karen laughed softly, swotting at him.

‘No! It wasn’t really...look, I didn’t tell him about Derek, ok?’

‘I’m not following you.’

‘The story I told you, about me going to his place...’

‘Oh. Wow. Ok, starting to get it now.’

‘I just...I thought he would react badly. I mean, I handled it, he didn’t need to worry. And Derek’s...got Ivy now.’ Karen squirmed slightly and Bobby suppressed a smirk. ‘Anyway, I sort of let it slip by accident and now Dev thinks it’s wrong for me to even be in the same room as Derek and he doesn’t get why I didn’t run a mile from the show because of it and I just...I’d spent all day today being yelled at, I couldn’t stand being yelled at by him too.’ She glanced up at Bobby, who was looking at her with genuine sympathy, much to her surprise. ‘You’re not going to tell me to dump him just so you can go round there and claim him for yourself are you?’ she asked with a smile and Bobby laughed, sliding down from the arm of the couch to sit next to her.

‘I’m not even half as boy-crazy as Jess thinks I am, Iowa. And anyway, if he doesn’t get the theatre? I’m not interested.’ He put an arm around Karen’s shoulders then. ‘Look, for what it’s worth? This is what this business is all about. Insanity. It makes you crazy. If your nice, normal boyfriend can’t hack it, he can’t hack it. But...if he calms down after a couple of days and you move on with your life, then maybe you’ll be ok. You’ve just gotta hang in there, Iowa. Even if it ends with you going down in flames.’

‘Is that supposed to reassure me?’

‘No. It’s just the truth.’

 

***

 

 

_‘It’s the spins. I don’t know. I like watching you dance, but the spins...they’re definitely the best part.’ Bobby leant his head back against the wall, closing his eyes a moment, enjoying the feeling of Dennis leaning against him. ‘You’re kind of beautiful, you know that? But not in any definite way. You’re just beauty and strawberries and it’s killing me that you’re making me this soft this fast.’_

***

 

Karen and Jessica sat side by side at the edge of the rehearsal room, watching the boys run through the new number one final time before Derek returned. Karen found her eyes drawn back to Bobby every time, studying him carefully; the way he moved, the way he seemed to throw his whole being into it. Jessica too was watching him, a smile on her face as he threw his head back, his hair flying out at a hundred angles as he danced.

‘You remember when Bobby said I was watchable?’ Karen asked, making Jessica laugh.

‘No...but that sounds like Bobby,’ she said, nodding her head. Karen smiled.

‘Yeah, well...if I didn’t before, then I definitely get it now.’ Jessica arched an eyebrow and Karen shrugged. ‘I mean; look at him,’ she added and Jessica’s lips twitched up into a fond smile at that, her eyes once more returning to Bobby, his ever-mischievous face working overtime to sell the number to everyone watching it. ‘He’s really good at what he does.’

‘That he is,’ Jessica agreed softly, allowing herself a moment of pride in her best friend.

‘He makes people want to watch him. Without just going big. He can just...sell it with a look or a smile. And it’s strange because you wouldn’t expect it of him...you kind of just expect him to not take it as seriously as he does,’ Karen tilted her head to one side then. ‘He’s funny too. He knows the exact right way to get a laugh. I didn’t even realise the chorus were allowed to do that.’

‘Bobby is one of the best on Broadway. I’m telling you, Iowa. His CV even puts mine to shame. People want to work with him because they know exactly the standard they’re going to get. If you get someone like Bobby in your ensemble? Your show’s got a good bedrock to work with. He’s got a good reputation. He talks himself down but...Broadway runs on people like Bobby. It’s just a fact.’ Karen smiled, glancing back at Bobby once more. The boys were paused, listening intently to instructions before heading back to their places for the start of the number. Bobby was laughing at something Dennis was whispering in his ear, but the moment the music started, the switch was flicked and that was it. Bobby was _performing._

‘But I mean...he really can play the comedy. Like – how is that not the thing he’s known for when he’s so good at it?’ she remarked and Jessica rolled her eyes.

‘He can play anything, Iowa. That’s kind of the point,’ she teased. She was still watching Bobby curiously, however, her brow furrowed slightly. She hadn’t had a chance to talk properly with him for a few days and it was beginning to make her curious. He was avoiding her, she was sure of it. But why?

 

 

***

 

_‘I swear, that’s what happened! Ivy showed up, was all ‘Here, have these sunglasses, aren’t you cute, let’s all have drinks together now’ and by the time I’d scraped my jaw off the floor we were already about three drinks into it so I just bit my tongue and didn’t say anything. Jessica was actually amazed – but she’s suspicious of me anyway right now coz I’ve hardly talked to her in days. Anyway, I just want it on record that I called it first, ok?  Ivy’s up to something. I mean, I am never that nice to anybody unless I want something, never mind my sworn enemies. But you know the best part of this whole thing? Iowa is clueless. She just thinks they’ve had some sort of monumental friendship breakthrough or whatever. Oh, what, Bambi? Don’t even try telling me I’m ever that nice coz I won’t believe you and-oh. Ok. Kisses. I can do kisses. But I’m warning you, Jessica has a key to my place and no problem with barging in at 3am. Follow me up these stairs at your own risk, Bambi. And I really mean that on more levels than one.’_

***

 

‘Jess...I think I did something I shouldn’t have.’ Jessica opened one eye, just enough to reach out for her phone to check the time. She groaned when she read it and let her head drop back onto the pillow immediately, even as Bobby stood resolute in her bedroom doorway.

‘Bobby, why do you never have a Best Friend Crisis in daylight hours?’ she mumbled, scrunching her eyes shut again and curling up into a ball. She felt the movement of the bed as Bobby flopped down on it, crawling up to lie beside her, and she rolled over, opening her eyes once more to look at him. His dark eyes weren’t red-rimmed or glistening and he didn’t look upset, as such. Just...worried. Anxious. Given that he had hardly spoken to her in days, she knew whatever it was he was about to confess to was probably important, but she was just so tired. As she felt her heavy eyelids beginning to slide closed again, she forced herself to remember all the times he’d made mad dashes across town for her, all the times he’d taken care of her when one bad boyfriend or another had skipped out on her in the dead of night, and she knew she owed it to him to stay awake and listen to him.

‘What did you do that’s so bad it couldn’t wait ‘til morning, Chorus Boy?’ she sighed. Bobby stared intently at the ceiling for a moment before looking back across at her.

‘I kissed Dennis.’ Jessica’s eyes widened and she felt alert in an instant, rolling all the way over to face him and propping herself up on her elbow.

‘Don’t even joke, Bobby – are you being serious right now?!’ Bobby shrugged, looking down guiltily. ‘Oh my God. How long ago?’

‘Well...technically? A few hours ago. But...it kinda...might’ve started...a few...days ago.’ Bobby winced in anticipation of her hitting him. And Jessica didn’t disappoint, sitting herself up fully to thwack him on his chest. He cowered against the pillow, a half-smile on his lips.

‘Bobby! You kissed Dennis _a few days ago_?! And you didn’t tell me?!’ Jessica demanded.

‘I didn’t tell anyone, actually!’ Bobby protested, glancing up at her. ‘And actually, strictly speaking; he kissed me.’

‘Bobby,’ Jessica groaned, the energy draining from her as she dropped back down to lie next to him. He shrugged awkwardly, avoiding her eyes.

‘What?! He tasted of strawberries, I had no choice.’ Jessica fixed him with a stern look. ‘I like him,’ he added in a small voice.

‘Oh Bobby...’ she sighed, curling into the crook of his arm and resting her head next to his on the pillow. ‘Why do you always have to fall for the sweet ones?’ she asked, and she couldn’t help but notice how sad he looked then. Memories, she suspected. The bad ones. ‘Do you think it could actually last, or do we need to start doing damage control right now?’ Jessica said cautiously.

‘I don’t know. This is me we’re talking about. My whole life is about damage control these days.’ Jessica nudged him and he looked down to meet her gaze at last.

‘Don’t talk like that.’

‘I can’t help it. I just...I like him, Jess. But, you know...if this all blows up in my face...it could actually be worse than last time.’ Jessica frowned and Bobby shrugged. ‘Well I mean; look at it. We’re friends. We’re in the same cast. And you know what else? There’s a good chance our show’s a sinking ship.’

‘Bobby, come on, I know it’s not good right now but-’

‘Don’t even, Jess. You heard her trying to sing today. I mean; I’ve seen shows survive on less than what we’ve got but...I’ve never seen a show survive a leading lady who can’t sing.’

‘Anything could happen before Boston, Bobby.’

‘Yeah. That’s exactly what I’m worried about actually. In every possible way.’

 

 

***

 

_‘Ok, Ivy, you need to tell me what lamp you rubbed; coz I need to get me some three wishes to match the ones you’ve clearly made. Seriously. I mean, what’s next? Rebecca and Karen being involved in some freak dancing accident? And don’t even think about asking to bring the lobster back because I’m actually on my final strike and you know I’d be the one to get the blame.’ Ivy shot him a steady look, folding her arms, and Bobby flashed her a quick grin, trying his best to look innocent as he took a small step back. ‘Yeah, so, anyway...welcome back, by the way.’_

***

 

Jessica nodded absentmindedly as Bobby talked at her side. He’d linked his arm through hers as they’d left rehearsal and started talking ten to the dozen, but she was struggling to pay attention to him, watching instead as Sam and Tom stood talking outside the rehearsal room doors, an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

‘I mean, seriously, drama follows her around more than me! And yet she’s busy worrying that there’s too much music in the musical...just...wow. I certainly feel a lot better about my life, that’s for sure.’

‘Uh-huh,’ Jessica murmured, scanning around the corridor before finally laying her eyes on Dennis, sitting by himself, staring intently at his phone. ‘Hey, I just need to ask Dennis about something but...I’ll see you at the screening thing tonight, right? We’re due a really good night out.’ Bobby looked at her curiously.

‘Ok...I’ll see you there,’ he agreed slowly, not making any actual move to leave as he regarded her with suspicion. Sometimes she hated how hard it was for her to fool him and she was working harder than any Broadway actress should have to just to force a bright smile.

‘Go on, go. We can talk properly later I promise,’ she insisted, all but pushing him towards the exit before turning on her heel and setting her sights on Dennis.

 

As she approached him, she wondered how best to go about speaking with him. She would never dream of telling Bobby’s whole life story without permission – besides, if he and Dennis were going to start something, that information had to be Bobby’s to give. But at the same time, she needed to protect her friend. And there was no easy way to do that – especially not when he’d been perverse enough to start going out with another one of her friends. Slowly, she sat down next to Dennis and decided to cut right to the point, taking his phone from his hand to get his attention and looking him right in the eye.

‘Bobby.’ Dennis blinked at her. ‘Don’t even think about playing dumb with me because he told me everything. And now I need you to tell me some things, ok?’ She kept up the eye contact but she made sure to soften her expression, aware that guarding Bobby didn’t necessarily have to mean hurting Dennis, who was still looking at her in slight bewilderment. ‘Are you just playing with him? I mean...is this like a casual thing or just a kiss or...’

‘Jess, we’re not-’

‘Don’t play with me, Bambi. You do realise that when Bobby tells me everything; he tells me _everything_ , right?’ Dennis moved to protest but Jessica smiled a sly smile that reminded him strangely of Bobby and he quickly closed his mouth. ‘Everything,’ she repeated. Dennis almost laughed, shaking his head slightly as he looked at her in earnest.

‘Look, I swear to you Jess, it’s not anything major. Not right now anyway. It’s just...the same between us as it was before, more or less.’

‘So you’re saying this is friends with benefits?’

‘No! No. I don’t...look, we’re just...it’s casual but...it could not be casual, you know? If things carried on, I mean.’ Jessica narrowed her eyes.

‘Ok...’

‘I don’t know what you want me to tell you,’ Dennis laughed and Jessica let out a long sigh, slumping back slightly in her seat.

‘I don’t know either,’ she muttered, rubbing a hand over her face before looking back at Dennis from the corner of her eye. ‘Other than...this doesn’t have anything to do with Tom and Sam does it? Because if it does then you need to-’

‘Jess! This is me you’re talking to. Come on. I’m not like that.’

‘I know. I know. Look, I’m sorry, ok? But just...be careful with him? I know he’s got a smart mouth but he’s actually softer than butter. And he’s been hurt before.’ She turned her eyes to the ceiling, not knowing how best to explain it. ‘With Bobby, you need to pay attention to your words – and I know that seems ridiculous given some of what comes out of his mouth but...he listens more than you’d think, ok? So you can only say good words to him, Dennis. Only give him good things because if you give him one shred of something which could make him doubt then it could break him. I mean, even if you dump him tomorrow? Good words. It matters, ok? Because he listens to everything. Always. And then he dwells on it for the rest of his life.’ She looked away. ‘I’m not going to spill his secrets but...just know that he’s really happy right now. As happy as I’ve seen him in a long time. And it’s nice. And I want to see more of it. It’s the way Bobby was meant to be and I’m just trying to protect that for him the same way he would for me.’

 

 

***

 

_‘No, no. Tonight is all about me and my gorgeous girls, no talk of shows or movie stars. And this is not about some dumb movie I don’t even want to see. I’m getting drunk with my friends, ok? And let the history books show; I did not hit on a single bar tender the whole night, and I got Sue and Jessica home in one piece, even after buying them many cocktails along the way. Because that’s what’s going to happen. And I want it on record because you know I’ll probably never be able to manage it again. So, ladies, that’s the point at which we toast. Please, join me – okay? Here we go.’_

***

 

Bobby handed Jessica the bowl of popcorn as he flopped down next to her on the couch.

‘I’m just saying; I smell a rat. A famous one. That can’t sing.’

‘Do you ever trust anyone?’ Jessica laughed at him and Bobby rolled his eyes.

‘I trust you don’t I?’ he said, shooting her a pointed look, and Jessica smiled, resting her head on his shoulder.

‘So young and yet so cynical,’ she teased. Bobby huffed.

‘Yeah, well, you trust too many people. And Karen? She trusts everyone.’

‘Bobby!’

‘What? It’s true.’

‘So? Why shouldn’t she go out with the movie star. She deserves a little fun. And it’s not like you wouldn’t have gone if she’d asked.’

‘I didn’t say she shouldn’t go, Jess. I just said she needs to watch her back. That Rebecca is smarter than she pretends to be. And the only reason I can think for someone like her to befriend someone like Karen? Is because she knows she can use her.’ Jessica gave him a small smack on his arm but Bobby simply shrugged. ‘Protest all you like, you know I’m right.’ He looked over at her then, eyebrows raised in enquiry, and Jessica had to sigh in defeat, shaking her head and turning her attention back to the screen.

‘It’s one night out, let her have this. We can worry about her sanity later.’

‘Oh, I’m not worried about her sanity. I’m worried that she’s taking her eye off the ball. The minute you stop focusing? That’s the minute you lose track of whatever goal you’ve set. You saw all the press there was the next day. And suddenly Karen’s happy to get scraps from the movie star’s table? She went from angling after the part to playing puppy dog in a day. That is manipulation at its finest.’ Jessica gave him a nudge, looking up at him with a smile.

‘You need to stop now,’ she told him and Bobby rolled his eyes.

‘You’re no fun anymore.’

‘Oh, so that’s why you’re spending all your time with Dennis instead then is it?’ Jessica joked and Bobby pulled a face at her, something which on anyone else Jessica would’ve called a blush forming on his cheeks. But Bobby didn’t blush, of that she was confident.

‘You’re just baiting me now,’ he muttered and she grinned at him mischievously.

‘So what if I am? It’s fun to bait you.’ Jessica paused then, looking at Bobby with a sweet, caring smile, her blue eyes sparkling up at him and forcing him to look right back at her.

‘What is it, Cutie?’ he sighed, fixing her with a steady look. Jessica just beamed up at him, poking him in his ribs with her finger.

‘You’re happy right now,’ she stated. Bobby frowned slightly in confusion but Jessica’s smile didn’t waver. ‘It makes me happy that you’re so happy right now.’ She looked at him intently, trying to project the seriousness onto him. His dark eyes were smiling at her and she leant up to kiss his forehead. ‘You deserve it, Chorus Boy. Happy suits you well.’

 

 

***

 

_‘Not gonna lie; Iowa is way more interesting in these gossip columns than she ever is in real life. What! Don’t look at me like that, Jess, I don’t mean it in a catty way I just...the stuff they’re making up about her. It’s ridiculous. If they had had to coach her for a whole night – no, if they had seen her closet before Rebecca glammed her up! – they would know; this girl is not dating a movie star. Honestly. Karen is a sweetheart, don’t get me wrong. I’d give that girl a hug if she needed it, you know? But she’s not about to be the next PR sensation. If they wanted a story, they definitely should’ve called me. Stories are my calling. I mean really, who wouldn’t want to read about me?!’_

***

 

 

‘Hey, Jess, can you wait for me outside? I just need to go talk to Ivy for a minute.’ Jessica frowned, confused, but Bobby didn’t wait for her reply, hurrying back inside the rehearsal room and crossing over to where Ivy was still gathering her things.

 

‘Hi Bobby, I thought you’d gone already.’

‘I had...but then I came back – I wanted to talk to you, actually.’

‘Ok...shoot,’ Ivy smiled and Bobby took in a deep breath.

‘That song-’

‘You mean the song Rebecca wants to sing?’

‘I mean _your_ song Ivy,’ Bobby said with a smile and Ivy couldn’t help but smile back. ‘You should know that...if there’s ever been a time when I’ve just lost myself to a song in rehearsal then...that was it today.’

‘Really? You?’ Ivy asked, sceptical and Bobby smiled strangely shyly.

‘I’m not the reptile everyone makes me out to be.’

‘I don’t know, you do kind of have the mannerisms of a lizard.’

‘Nice,’ Bobby laughed and Ivy grinned playfully at him. ‘Look, it just...I really love that song, ok? And I’m pretty sure you were meant to sing it. I just wanted you to know.’ He was about to turn and leave when Ivy took a step closer to him, her smile softening.

‘Hey, why is that song so important to you?’ she ventured and Bobby paused, looking away a moment before glancing back to meet Ivy’s eyes.

‘The same reasons it’s important to you. I kind of understand broken. And I kind of understand not wanting that to scare people away.’ He shrugged awkwardly, rolling his eyes but Ivy’s gaze was understanding.

‘Yeah...that sounds familiar. But, hey, we both know we’re not beyond repair now, right?’

‘I like to think so,’ Bobby agreed quietly and Ivy smiled back at him warmly, her understanding clear.

‘Good. Me too, Chorus Boy.

 

***

 

_‘Ok, since you asked. Yes. The Derek thing is still relevant. I can’t help it, it just is. It always will be.’ Tom put down his fork and looked at Sam thoughtfully. ‘When you’re friends with someone, I mean, best friends with someone, and they turn on you, basically overnight...it doesn’t...it doesn’t go away.’ He looked down, letting out a sigh. It was late, he’d had a long day, Ivy still wasn’t texting him, and he didn’t talk about this with anyone. But here he was spilling his soul to a dancer he hadn’t even realised he was capable of getting along with until a few days ago. This is why he shouldn’t stop out all night, he thought, before looking back up at Sam, who was still watching him intently. ‘You sort of...carry it around with you. It becomes part of who you are. It’s this dreadful open wound that you don’t go a day without scratching at least once and every time it hurts like hell. And you dismiss it, you make a joke out of it, and half the time you live with it there without it hurting enough for you to need to acknowledge it out loud. But then one night you’ll be sitting there at three in the morning and it stings like hell and you realise you that you...you’ll never look at the world the same again once you’ve been wounded like that. It changes you. It changes your story. Other people have this power over you. And it makes you wary. You trust again, that’s not the issue. The issue is that it’s changed you. The way you act, the way you see things. I always thought that’s kind of a crappy pay-off to get from a friendship gone bad. The good ones change you too...but the bad ones...they never go away.’_

 

 

 


	5. The Ones On The Brink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter runs from Tech through to the gap between Season 1 & Season 2. Fun fact: at least one of the stories Bobby tells in this chapter actually really did happen to a friend of mine who is a real-life veteran of the chorus...but who is also a total sweetheart so hopefully won't mind loaning Bobby the story! For this chapter we have alongside Jessica and Bobby's friendship some Ivy and Bobby friendship, a little Karen, Bobby and Jessica, quite a good dose of Dennis/Bobby, some Tom/Sam, the faintest hint of Bobby/Kyle...and finally, a little peek of the only true OTP of Smash: Kyle/The Theatre!

 

_‘Actually, it’s interesting you should ask me that question because, you know, if you’d have asked me...a year ago, even, I probably would’ve said something completely dismissive. And people would’ve probably hated me for it. And you know what? They would be right to. So right. Considering how much of my life I’d spent being the understudy, being the chorus girl...I was pretty bad at appreciating just how talented you have to be to do that stuff. Or at least, I was bad at appreciating just how many people appreciate how talented you have to be to do that stuff. Actually, I have this friend, and he can make a whole room laugh just by raising an eyebrow at the right moment, he’s just got this knack for comedy like no-one else I know. But you know what? He’s a career chorus boy. And he’s really happy about that. One thing I’ve come to realise over the past year, is that no-one should try and take that away from him, or from anyone else for that matter, just because that’s not something they would be happy with for themselves. I’m in a place now where I can look back on all that time I spent hanging around in the chorus with people like him and I can say I’m really thankful for it. And I’m actually proud of it. Because I think sometimes it takes a special kind of person to do what the ensemble does. And the payoff is that you gain this whole family of people who will always be looking out for you. I wouldn’t be talking to you right now, even, if it wasn’t for that same chorus boy – he made sure I made it here, you know? The chorus is a bond you don’t really shake off, and there’s no other part of the theatre like it. So; am I over the moon to be starring in this beautiful show every night, winning the Tony, getting all this buzz from the audience reaction every curtain call? Absolutely. Would I say that not one of those guys behind me in that ensemble is just as happy as I am? It’s not even a question. I know some of them are. And the ones who aren’t? They’ll find something. Everyone on Broadway has had a moment where they’ve been on the brink of a breakdown. Everyone. But I promise you, if anyone’s going to talk you down from that? It’ll probably be some chorus boy, who’s never been a star, but has a heart of gold. That’s just what the ensemble is about. And good casts are built on that bedrock. So...yeah...I’ve learnt not to be so dismissive of how lucky I am to have been a part of that, even if it was for a longer time than maybe I’d hoped.’_

***

 

Jessica scanned the concourse, dragging her unruly suitcase haphazardly behind her and standing on tiptoe to see if anyone had arrived yet. Sue smirked at her excited expression, shaking her head slightly, but Jessica ignored her, looking to the spot where their fellow cast members were gathering, carefully studying all of the scattered groups of people as they flocked towards each other. Karen, Ivy and Dennis were all somewhere near the centre of the group, but Jessica hardly had time to register their presence before she was bolting the remaining space between herself and the group, finally spotting the face she so desperately wanted to see.

 

Jessica just about managed not to drop her suitcase entirely as she skidded to a halt right in front of her best friend, and Bobby’s grin told her he was just as excited to see her as she was to see him. Bobby managed to get himself half-tangled up between his bag, his suitcase and his scarf as he frantically scrambled to wrap her in a firm hug and Jessica let out an unashamedly giddy squeak as she wrapped her arms around his neck before a word had even been exchanged between them. To not spend their downtime from work together was extremely rare, but to go three whole days apart with nothing more than a brief text exchange? Practically unheard of. Of course, Jessica would’ve been more put-out by his abandonment if she didn’t know how he’d been spending his time; he and Dennis had hardly been apart in their three days away from rehearsal, being cute and couple-y and all the things that Bobby normally loathed for his relationships to be. If she didn’t know how happy he was she would’ve mocked him for the sugariness of it all. But she knew how serious Bobby was about Dennis; this meant something, she knew, because he’d decided to throw his energy into it, and when Bobby threw his energy into something? There was nothing to compare. Because, whilst so many people dismissed Bobby as flighty, the truth was actually the opposite. Bobby just operated on a different frequency to normal people; there was an intensity about him that made him vibrate in the air he occupied, and when he became focused on something, all of that energy would be imparted. Jessica knew that better than most because she’d seen it in action; he’d focused on her and their friendship so completely that sometimes she could actually feel it in the air when they were together. Like Hummingbird wings beating right by her ears. A special feeling that seemed to make the whole world glitter – everything seemed funny and magical when Bobby linked his arm through yours and whispered nonsense by your ear. Jessica gave him a grateful squeeze, letting that energy settle over her yet again, and Bobby responded by picking her up off the ground and spinning her round excitedly.

‘Hey, Glitter Bug,’ he said into her hair. Jessica smiled into his shoulder and closed her eyes.

‘Don’t ditch me for a cute boy ever again,’ she murmured, enjoying the ticklish feeling of his wild laugh vibrating through his body into hers.

 

Everyone seemed giddy, but Jessica was vaguely aware that she and Bobby were behaving even more like school children than most. They brought out the mischief in each other and – if they really had still been in school – it was certain any teacher would’ve made them sit separately a long time ago for constantly winding each other up.

‘Race you!’ Bobby exclaimed as the rush for the train began and it took Jessica a moment to react to him, barely registering him sprinting away But, once she’d grabbed her case, she quickly caught him up and they exchanged a few petty insults as they ran. Jessica couldn’t hide her glee when she finally pulled ahead of him, and Bobby could only laugh at her childish victory dance, something which slowed him down even more. Jessica didn’t stop for a moment to wonder whether he had possibly let her win.

‘I get the window seat!’ she called over her shoulder as she hopped up onto the train.

‘I hate you!’ he yelled back, but she could still hear his laugh behind her as she disappeared through the train door to hunt down a good spot to sit.

 

It was nice to have someone to be silly with again. None of her other friends would indulge her the way Bobby did, and she suspected she was the only person he knew who truly indulged him too. One of her slightly-less-terrible ex-boyfriends had once remarked that he found it difficult to understand her when she was with Bobby, insisting that they inhabited a completely nonsensical world all their own making. And maybe – Jessica thought as the two of them fought over the window seat, scaring all the none-cast passengers with their ridiculous behaviour – maybe there was a chance he had been right. Maybe. A little bit. But then, maybe she didn’t really care that much. Bobby started tickling her and she accused him of playing dirty and eventually they both ended up in the window seat, squashed together, both refusing to budge. ‘You’re such an idiot,’ Bobby grinned breathlessly, kissing the top of her head and wrapping an arm around her from behind. Jessica leant back against him, smiling sleepily to herself as she caught her breath.

‘Back atcha, Chorus Boy.’

 

They talked about stupid things. Stuff and nonsense, just the way Jessica wanted it to be. The great thing about Bobby was being able to talk about nothing at all and still have the best time. For the first hour the others left them to it – Jessica caught the odd bemused glance being sent their way, but she’d just huddle even closer to Bobby, laugh even harder.

 

‘Oh, oh! I need to show you something. Look what picture I dug out for my dressing room this time,’ Bobby gasped suddenly, pushing Jessica off him slightly to dig around in his bag. The tradition had started after another of her attempts to reform a Broadway Bad Boy had gone badly wrong, and Bobby had discovered the ex-in-question’s picture still taped to her dressing room mirror. He’d insisted she needed a picture of someone who really loved her and had turned up two days later with a picture of the two of them together, promising her there was a matching one in his own dressing room. A typical, sweet, Bobby gesture. It was when she moved on to a new job that the ritual of selecting a new picture for every new dressing room had been started, as Bobby had tried to mask his sweetness with a great show of vanity and an insistence that she should have a picture with him that displayed the ‘new levels of hotness’ he had achieved since growing out his hair. Beside her Bobby had emerged triumphant from his bag, tugging something out from under a paperclip in his laptop bag. ‘Here it is!’ Bobby handed her a photo, the corner slightly bent. However, before Jessica could even begin to take in the details, another hand was plucking the photo from her fingers.

‘What’s this?’ Bobby and Jessica looked up in unison at the sound of Dennis’ voice.

‘A photo. Jess and me always pick a new picture for our dressing rooms when we start a new show,’ Bobby shrugged, glancing at Jessica with a smile. ‘West Side Story. Backstage the night you raced across town for me. You know, the one of me looking all handsome in my costume?’ Jessica matched his smile then, nodding in recognition of the memory as Bobby turned to look back at Dennis. ‘I was first understudy. I only went on about three times – that was my first night.’ He flicked his hair out of his eyes, glancing down at his hands. The closest Bobby would ever get to shy was in that moment and Jessica smiled at him fondly, elbowing him in his ribcage and forcing him to look back up. ‘I was on the verge of a breakdown that night, not even kidding.’

‘You were _fine_ ,’ Jessica insisted.

‘I was once you got there,’ Bobby replied before turning quickly back to look at Dennis, his eyes lighting up the way they always did when he had a good story to tell. ‘She actually called in sick for me. Made this mad dash just so she could come stand in the wings and watch from curtain up. I could hear her cheering all the way through the curtain call.’ Bobby nudged Jessica with his shoulder, giving her a glittery smile. ‘She was scaring all my cast mates. It was amazing.’ He winked at Jessica. ‘It’s honestly one of the nicest things anyone’s ever done for me. Even my parents didn’t see me do that. I mean, they stopped coming to my shows a long time ago, you know? But Jess, she made it there.’ Bobby then slipped into a much slyer grin and rolled his eyes. ‘She ran the whole way too. Stalker.’ Jessica laughed and smacked him then and Bobby just smiled back at her, genuine and sweet.

‘You look good in that costume,’ Dennis remarked simply, his eyes twinkling mischievously, and Jessica would’ve almost said the smile Bobby gave Dennis in return was bashful. But that sounded so un-Bobby that she dismissed the notion immediately and let out a low whistle.

‘Need me to leave you two alone?’ she teased and Bobby elbowed her sharply.

‘Shut up, like you have any concept of privacy!’ he laughed.

‘Don’t even go there with me Mister ‘You Won’t Even Know I’m Here’ – Dennis, I swear to you, he gatecrashed a date of mine once at the worst possible moment. I mean; you don’t even want to know.’

‘Actually it was kind of hilarious,’ Bobby grinned unashamedly and Jessica smacked him.

‘He does _not_ want to know, Bobby!’ she insisted and Dennis laughed, shaking his head at the two of them with fond despair.

 

 

***

 

_‘Oh my God. Yes, Iowa. They can do that. Actually, funny story; when I was a swing with The Producers, there was this one week where I went on three times, all mid-show. Like, in the middle of a song, someone just grabs me by my shirt collar. The first time it happened, no-one would tell me what was going on. Someone starts throwing clothes at me, someone’s telling me to fix my hair, some guy’s strapping a mic on me. I mean, I was the main understudy for like...six different people. Most of them were ensemble so it didn’t make too much of a difference, but still, I was freaking out, no-one would tell me who I was going on for.  Anyway, there was this guy in the chorus called John, and he hated me; like, couldn’t even stand to be in the theatre at the same time as me. He even called me obnoxious to my face. In front of people. And he wasn’t even drunk. Seriously – I know, right?! And I was the obnoxious one? Really?! Urgh. But he was a total disaster area. He couldn’t go on stage for one song without dropping something or falling over. The guy spent more time with his physiotherapist than he did with any of the rest of the cast. So, anyway, it turns out that this guy, he’s actually managed to hurt himself, right in the middle of the opening number. He’s hobbled on for like, three songs and he’s still limping about, insisting he’s fine, but stage management are having none of it and I have to go on. So eventually they tell me what I’m going on for and they’re about to put me out on stage when out of nowhere, the guy marches up and starts having a total meltdown. Apparently I’m not worthy to take his one lousy line in the second act. It was hilarious. He tried to come back a couple shows later? Nearly breaks his neck, I go on again. And the last show of the week? Exact same story. The guy was an idiot. Anyway, the point is? Yes, Iowa. They can put anyone on at any point and you just have to be ready for it, no questions asked. That’s show business. Get used to it.’_

***

 

‘Oh my God, Jess, I was only gone ten minutes.’ Jessica looked up from where she was knelt on the floor, digging around in her suitcase for her phone charger. Bobby was standing in the doorway of their shared hotel room, holding the beers he’d run out to buy, surveying the chaos that Jessica had left in her wake. It always surprised people who knew them that Jessica was actually the messy one, whilst Bobby could sometimes be a borderline neat-freak. Their room – left in Jessica’s hands – had already been reduced to disarray, her suitcase having exploded clothes over half the floor, shoes and various beauty products all over both the beds. Nothing had been folded properly to begin with, but now it was all in a tangle around her and she could see an almost-pained expression on Bobby’s face as he looked at it. Mess, to him, was only acceptable if it meant a party was taking place, and his own suitcase had looked like a work of art to Jessica; no rummaging-around-in-a-panic-dressing for Bobby. Really, she couldn’t help but think with amusement, it was amazing their friendship had survived the first time they had shared a room. But it had, and Jessica was fairly certain Bobby wouldn’t take this much chaos from anyone else. ‘Really?’ he asked her dryly, setting the beers down and sitting down on his bed, picking up a cast-aside scarf with distaste.

‘Oh stop acting like you didn’t know this was coming. It’s the price you pay, Chorus Boy. You practically begged me to room with you, remember?’ Jessica grinned back and Bobby rolled his eyes.

‘Begged? I remember suggesting it and you jumping my bones. Get your facts right, Blondie.’ Jessica simply stuck her tongue out, her ponytail bobbing enthusiastically as she burst out laughing, ducking swiftly out of the way as Bobby threw a pillow at her.

‘See, now you just made the room even messier,’ she pointed out with a bright grin.

 

Bobby got up then and began picking things up from the floor, folding them and placing them neatly on Jessica’s bed. They occupied an amicable silence for a few minutes, Jessica still unpacking things as Bobby tidied up behind her, until Bobby found a small collection of photographs and keepsakes which Jessica had brought with her for her dressing room mirror.

‘Hey, when was this taken?’ Bobby asked, his eyebrows knitted together in concentration as he studied the photograph on the top of the pile. It was a small, professional-quality portrait, Jessica and Bobby filling the frame; both were dressed up to the nines, Bobby looking dapper with his hair slicked back and his smartest clothes crisp and clean, whilst Jessica wore a beautiful dress, her hair scooped up in a complex style, woven with an elegant rose-and-baby’s breath hairpiece. The two of them were squashed close to each other and Jessica was laughing, her blue eyes downturned as she tucked herself into Bobby’s side whilst he smiled brightly, his own eyes closed and half his face obscured entirely as he kissed the top of her head. Jessica glanced up to see the picture for herself and a distant smile touched her lips when she realised what he was looking at.

‘My dad’s wedding last year,’ she said quietly and Bobby’s lips quirked up. ‘The photographer kept telling us what a cute couple we were,’ Jessica added with a chuckle.

‘Oh my God, I remember that now. I told her we’d totally book her for our wedding,’ Bobby grinned wickedly and Jessica shook her head.

‘You were the worst! I couldn’t keep a straight face when you were talking to her.’

‘Urgh, I was amazing.’ Bobby paused for a moment, tilting his head to one side. ‘And I was incredibly drunk,’ he conceded after a beat. Jessica nodded slowly, looking down.

‘You weren’t that drunk. You were just trying to keep me smiling,’ she sighed, sitting back slightly and biting her lip. ‘I know it sounds stupid, but when he told me he was marrying Sarah...it was like...that’s it, you know? That dream I’d had since I was seven where my parents got back together and my dad came home? Never gonna happen.’ She risked a glance up at Bobby, half-expecting that devilish look to be dancing in his eyes and a sharp remark already waiting on his thin lips. But instead he was looking at her in that tender way he reserved only for the most private moments. There was an unguardedness in his eyes and it comforted her, strangely. ‘I was on the brink of a breakdown ‘til you showed up,’ she admitted and Bobby smiled kindly.

‘You pulled it together though,’ he said and Jessica shrugged.

‘A trick I learned from you,’ she replied. For a moment Bobby’s dark eyes seemed almost sad, as though the sheer effort of all his years of pulling himself together had suddenly caught up with him in that moment. But then the look passed and the very corner of his lips tipped up into a faint smile. He winked and then turned away, grabbing up a stack of Jessica’s now-folded belongings and placing them inside her open suitcase.

 

After a few minutes, apparently now satisfied with the room, Bobby flopped down onto his bed and let out a long sigh. Jessica moved over to her own bed, pulling her teddy close to her chest and sitting crossed-legged, facing Bobby, her head on one side. ‘What’s up, Buttercup?’ she asked him gently and Bobby smirked, tipping his head to look over at her.

‘I’m not five, Jessica,’ he pointed out, but Jessica’s blue eyes were determined; she knew something was on his mind and she was going to get it out of him. ‘Ok, I’ll tell you – but you’re sworn to secrecy, Jess. I’m serious; don’t breathe a word.’

‘Please, we’re practically the same person anyway. Spill.’ Bobby let out a low groan, scrunching up his face and avoiding Jessica’s piercing gaze. But he knew it was no use. When she got like this she wouldn’t take the cold shoulder as an answer; Jessica was generally quite a practical person, and doing nothing about a problem and just letting things lie never satisfied her. Bobby suspected her parents’ divorce was to blame – he was no psychologist, but even he could see it was, to Jessica, a gaping, unresolved blot on the landscape of her life and, since there was no way of fixing it, she would just have to fix everything else. She liked nice, tidy endings and happily-ever-afters. It was probably the reason she was so bad at letting go of even the worst of her exes; the endings of some of her relationships were messy and it tormented her no end. The memory of Jake the Snake briefly passed through Bobby’s mind and he almost shuddered. And people thought he was too tough a cookie for Jessica! Honestly.

‘I think...’ Bobby hesitated, biting his lip. ‘I think Dennis is embarrassed of me.’

‘What? Why would he be embarrassed of you?!’

‘I know, right? Everyone loves me,’ Bobby gushed theatrically and Jessica tried to suppress her laugh.

‘Stop. It. Come on, talk to me; why would Dennis be embarrassed of you?’

‘I don’t know, Jess, but think about it.’ Bobby squirmed under Jessica’s gaze. ‘You know he’s not exactly shouting out from the rooftops about me and him.’

‘Maybe he’s just shy.’

‘Or maybe he’s scared of me.’

‘Bobby,’ Jessica reprimanded him softly and he shot her a dark look.

‘I’m serious. I’m made of glass shards and he’s made of strawberries. Maybe he’d be right to be ashamed of me.’ Jessica felt something inside her cave in at that moment, and it hurt to hear him thinking that way. She knew with all of her being that it wasn’t true – but how could she even begin to put that feeling into words for him? Bobby glanced down. ‘I feel like I’m standing right on the edge here, Jess. And I’m about to fall for him. Hard. And he has no idea how much it’s gonna hurt if he doesn’t catch me.’

 

 

***

 

_‘Urgh. Tech is the worst. We need to go out for drinks after this. Not even kidding. I will die if I don’t have some fun. I don’t even care that we’ve only been here an hour, Jess, I need something to look forward to already or I will lose my mind.’ Bobby kicked the back of Jessica’s seat and she turned around to stick her tongue out at him. ‘You’re coming too, Iowa, no excuses. And no bringing along your stuck-up movie star girlfriend. This is a chorus-only zone. I need to bitch about our director and do shots.’ Bobby pushed himself out of his seat as Derek called the men to the stage, turning back to where Jessica and Karen were sitting, still smirking at up him. ‘But if you see me go anywhere near a lobster? You stop me, ok? Derek’s already on the edge of a breakdown as it is and I do not want to be the one who pushes him off that cliff.’ Bobby turned back and grabbed Dennis’ hand as he marched towards the stage. ‘Come on, Dennis, let’s see you spin.’_

***

 

Dennis smiled as he felt an arm wrap around his waist from behind, thin, wet lips pressing a kiss to the crook of his neck. He leant into the strength of the embrace and closed his eyes.

‘Hey Bambi,’ Bobby whispered by his ear, his voice coarse and warm. Dennis could just imagine the wicked curve of Bobby’s lips, could picture the devious glint of his eyes, there was just something about the feel of his skin against Dennis’ that spelt it out. Bobby loved to touch. It was something Dennis was realising more and more. When you were part of Bobby’s circle, he would give you words. When you were part of Bobby’s life, he would touch you. Sitting too close to each other on the floor, arms brushing, a hand on the small of a back. Kicks, shoves, kisses. Bobby gave it all. ‘You were looking good out there.’

‘Oh really? And how would you know when you were busy gossiping with Jessica?’ Dennis tipped his head to the side to try and see Bobby’s face, but Bobby simply caught Dennis’ lips with his own, pressing a kiss to them that tasted faintly of spice. Dennis let his eyes close again and allowed Bobby to pull him more tightly against his chest.

‘I see everything,’ Bobby murmured as he pulled back from the kiss, and when Dennis opened his eyes they met with Bobby’s, which were strangely bright even in the backstage darkness. ‘You know you make a good stand-in. You look good in a spotlight.’ Bobby pressed a brief kiss to Dennis’ temple. ‘I’d buy a ticket to watch you, anyway.’ Bobby chuckled and the sound felt like a purr as it travelled through Bobby’s body and into Dennis’.

 

Bobby began to tug Dennis further into the shadows, his lips back to the crook of his neck. ‘Have I ever mentioned I hate going out of town? It just leaves everyone on the brink of a breakdown and there’s never any time for fun,’ he murmured, still pulling Dennis further back from the stage. ‘It’s actually a nightmare.’ He twisted around so that he was standing in front of Dennis then, his lips curved into his trademark smirk. ‘Unless you take your chances whilst you can,’ he said, arching an eyebrow. Dennis laughed softly, wrapping his arms around Bobby’s neck and giving his lips a peck.

‘I’m supposed to be out onstage, Bobby. What if Derek needs me?’

‘What if _I_ need you?’ Bobby challenged. Dennis had to laugh as Bobby made a grab for his tie and pulled their bodies even closer together.

‘What if somebody finds us here?’

‘What if I wanted them to find us?’ Bobby glanced down then, playing with the buttons on Dennis’ shirt. ‘What if I’m sick of feeling like your dirty little secret?’

‘That’s not...’ Dennis sighed, leaning in to kiss the side of Bobby’s face. ‘That’s not what I think and you know it. I just don’t think this show needs any more drama that it’s got already. I mean; first it was Derek and Ivy and then it was Michael and Julia, now it’s Tom and Sam. You really wanna jump onboard that rollercoaster?’

‘No. What I want is to be able to kiss my adorable boyfriend who tastes of strawberries without having to find a dark corner to do it in.’ Bobby punctuated the statement by taking a firmer grip on Dennis’ shirt and pulling his mouth down to his own for a kiss. ‘Come out with me and Jess tonight. Kiss me in a public place. See how many people actually give a damn.’ Bobby released Dennis then and turned to walk away. ‘Don’t even pretend I’m not worth it, Bambi,’ he called back over his shoulder, glancing back with glinting eyes to give Dennis a wink before he breezed away.

 

They didn’t get let out until late, but any thoughts of their beds had been long banished. Bobby, Jessica, Karen and Sue were laughing as they signed out for the day, Bobby shrieking something, issuing an enthusiastic retelling of some fantastical story from his past as he linked his arm with Jessica’s and flicked his hair out of his eyes, pushing out the stage door and into the cool Boston night.

‘Hang on, hang on, that’s not even the best part-’

‘Hey, mind if I tag along?’ Bobby froze, his story ending abruptly, and he and Jessica turned in unison at the sound of the voice to the side of the stage door, Sue and Karen grinding to a halt right behind them.

 

Dennis pushed himself off the wall, his eyes only on Bobby, his smile uncertain. Bobby simply folded his arms and arched an eyebrow, but at his side Jessica was beaming, nudging him enthusiastically and all but pushing him in Dennis’ direction. ‘Bobby?’ Dennis pressed.

‘I don’t know, Bambi, you think you can handle it?’ Bobby replied sharply. Sue and Karen were looking between the two men in confusion but Jessica was looking only at Dennis, wide-eyed, her sunny face clearly urging him on. Bobby smirked slightly. ‘Prove it,’ he challenged. Dennis’ lips curved up into a smile as he took a step closer to Bobby and tugged at his jacket. Bobby didn’t bother standing his ground and he let Dennis pull him away from Jessica and they were toe-to-toe in two steps. Dennis gave one final tug and Bobby responded immediately, tipping his head just enough for him to be pulled into a kiss. Behind them Jessica let out a low whistle and it made Bobby laugh against Dennis’ mouth. Sue and Karen quickly joined in then, whistling and whooping, and finally Bobby broke the kiss, turning on his heel to glare at them playfully.

‘Seriously, what are you all, twelve?’ he said, no trace of anger in his voice and a grin on his lips. The whistles and whoops just became more enthusiastic and Bobby rolled his eyes, grabbing Dennis’ hand and turning back to him to give him one last peck on the lips. ‘Thank you,’ he whispered against Dennis’ skin, and then, in a second, he was hooking his arm through Jessica’s and pulling them all off. ‘God, you’re all such gossips,’ he whined playfully, laughing as Jessica poked at him and Sue and Karen smacked at him from behind.

 

As they all headed off down the street, Jessica caught Dennis’ eye, leaning back to mime ‘Thank you’ to him behind Bobby’s head. It surprised him slightly, that it should mean anything to Bobby – outspoken, outrageous Bobby, the bundle of spikes and snipes and things which glittered, the man he’d once seen as nothing more than some fickle and fantastic stranger who couldn’t be trusted. But that was back when Jessica had first introduced him to their group of friends, and Dennis had spent a lot more time with him since then, and maybe now it made more sense that Bobby would care; he couldn’t do anything by halves – not stories or opinions, not friendships and certainly not kisses. Bobby was an all-in person and he didn’t know how to be otherwise. But he was still an essentially good human being, at his core. The problem came, of course, when Dennis tried to explain that to other people.

 

‘What you looking at?’ It was getting late, but Bobby and Jessica were still going strong at the bar, and their enthusiasm served to egg everyone else on. Bobby dropped into Dennis’ lap with some form of exotic-looking cocktail in one hand and the kiss he pressed to Dennis’ lips tasted vaguely of pineapple juice. ‘You’re such a daydreamer, Bambi,’ he added, and though he made the comment with a small frown, there was no edge of insult to his voice. Strangely, there didn’t even seem to be a slur in that voice; either Bobby could handle his drink extremely well, or he did a very good job of making it look like he drank more than he actually did. Dennis studied his face and he noticed that those dark eyes of his were still bright, far more alert than they ought to be after the amount of shots he’d downed. ‘Seriously, what?’ Bobby laughed, flicking his hair out of his face and leaning back to meet Dennis’ eyes. ‘You’re freaking me out, Bambi.’

‘I thought you liked people looking at you,’ Dennis teased and Bobby rolled his eyes.

‘God yes. But there’s no need to stare, I can’t help that I’m fabulous’ he shot back, though he was still smiling. Dennis kissed him then, enjoying the heady mix of pineapple and alcohol. ‘Well you learn quickly,’ Bobby smirked into the kiss. ‘I was starting to think you were ashamed of me, you know,’ he added. Dennis rubbed his thumb along his cheek, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

‘I don’t know. With you, it’s like...you know how you’re not supposed to look directly into the sun?’ he said and Bobby laughed, throwing his head back and leaning dangerously far away from Dennis, making him worry he was about to fall right to the floor. But he didn’t, simply tipped his head back and looked Dennis in the eye.

‘That’s an insane excuse, Bambi. But I’ll take the compliment. Now come on, it’s Jess’ round and your glass is empty.’

 

***

 

_‘I don’t think you’re terrible.’ Bobby didn’t look up, continuing to play with the label on his beer bottle. ‘Not in that way.’ Bobby’s brow furrowed, and Kyle smiled slightly, kicking his shin under the table, his blue eyes sparkling when they finally met Bobby’s brown ones. ‘You’re terrible because you’re brilliant. You’re like this...force of nature. You’re terrible because you’re glorious and beautiful and...brilliant.’ Kyle shrugged. ‘You’re capable of anything. And that’s what really scares people...people who aren’t brilliant. Because they doubt that they’re capable of what you’re capable of. There’s doubt in them, but there’s just...all this light in you.’_

***

 

 

Sam looked up in amusement as Tom let out a strangled sound of exasperation from the other side of the room. His hair was sticking up at twenty different angles, his fingers running through it over and over as he chewed at his pencil, the very picture of frustration. Tom was more highly strung a person than Sam would usually tolerate, but he knew it came from a good place; Tom would always give everything he had to a project, even when he knew there was likely to be no reward at the end of it.

‘How’s it going over there?’ Sam chuckled, throwing down his magazine and regarding the other man with a fond smile. Tom let out a groan through his hands, rubbing at his face and falling back heavily onto the bed.

‘How do you think it’s going?’ he demanded, reaching down to grab the notepad and screw up the latest sheet of notes to be deemed unworthy, throwing it to the floor to join the rest.

‘You worry too much.’ Sam got up and moved over to the bed, picking up the discarded paper and reading it. He could feel Tom looking up at him from the corner of his eye, disbelief all over his face, but he ignored him. ‘Anyway, I thought you said you used to write a bit in college,’ he shrugged. Tom spluttered out a laugh.

‘Yeah. And why do you think I stopped?! I was terrible. Lyrics, I can do. Maybe. Ideas, sure, I can help with that. But if you want a scene?’ Tom groaned again and pulled at another chunk of hair. ‘This is a disaster.’

‘It’s not that bad. Who are you getting to do it?’

‘Bobby and Jessica. They can be trusted to pick it up fast...and you know, if Bobby can’t make it sound good? There really isn’t any hope left.’

‘Don’t be so dramatic. Jess and Bobby will pull it together for you.’

‘Easy for you to say – you’ve not got Derek breathing down your neck.’ Sam smirked and leant back on his hands, looking down at Tom, who opened his eyes and met Sam’s gaze. ‘This is karma. This is karma for throwing Julia under the bus.’

‘That’s not what you did, Tom,’ Sam said gently, leaning down to press a kiss to Tom’s lips.

‘It’s what she thinks I did.’ Tom propped himself up on his elbows, biting his lip. ‘I’m serious. This is...serious. She’s never been this mad at me before.’ Sam kissed his forehead and Tom let out a sigh. ‘This is going to end up like the situation with Derek all over again. Only this one will hurt more. This won’t just be an open wound it’ll be a...a...’ he faltered and flopped back down against the bed. ‘This will be an _infected_ open wound, a massive, infected, aching, open wound. For the rest of my life.’ Sam lay down next to him, reaching for his hand and taking a tight hold of it.

‘You know, Tom, one day you’ve gotta start realising that not everyone’s gonna turn on you.’ He kissed Tom’s temple and Tom turned his head to meet his gaze. ‘I get that it hurt. I get that one of your best friends said terrible things about you and that it hurt. That would mess up anybody. But if you let him screw you up, you’ll end up being the only one suffering.’

‘Why do you have to be so good?’ Tom sighed and Sam laughed at him.

‘I guess it’s just a hobby. Now put the damn pen down and come relax with me.’

 

 

***

 

_‘You know how you can tell that someone means something to you? You give them words. You give them stories. You give them conversations. The minute that void opens up and there’s silence there – that’s when you’ve lost it. That’s when you’ve lost them. I’m having conversations with a ghost because that’s better than...it’s better than the truth.’ Jimmy sniffed and rubbed his sleeve over his eyes, the scratch of the fabric aggravating his already-sore skin. ‘Because the truth is that I gave all the wrong words when I actually had the chance to. I gave him all the wrong conversations. So now...I’m trying to make it up to him. And I think...I think he’s still out there, listening to me.’_

***

 

 

She found Jessica and Bobby in the girls’ dressing room. Jessica was perching on the dressing table, smiling up at Bobby as he fussed over her, his fingers brushing over her fringe, making her laugh.

‘Urgh, Jess, you’re so gorgeous and perfect. I actually hate you,’ he sighed, his hands dropping to cup Jessica’s cheeks as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

‘And I hate you for not being either straight or single. Your compliments are useless to me, Chorus Boy,’ she shot back, giving Bobby a small shove in the chest.

‘Shut up. You’re cute as hell, you’ll marry a prince and live happily ever after. You’re a Disney cartoon, Jess. You’ll be fine – just take my compliments and be happy.’

 

Karen smirked at her two friends and as she came further into the room. Their heads turned in unison at the sound of her arrival, their bright gazes gleeful, and Karen could help but wish that she still felt as excitable as they did. But it was no use, as much as she hated to admit it, Dev’s arrival had somehow taken the shine off her Boston adventure. And maybe that made her an awful person, but even if it did, she knew she could rely on Bobby and Jessica to understand.

‘Hey, Iowa,’ Bobby said, folding his arms, a smirk twisting slowly onto his lips. ‘Where’d you disappear to earlier? Anything scandalous happening that I should know about?’ he asked her. Jessica smacked him on the arm and Karen shot him her best warning look as she sat down at her mirror with a sigh.

‘No. It was just Dev. He’s come to surprise me and I just...I don’t even know how to deal with him right now.’ Jessica smiled at her sympathetically but Bobby simply rolled his eyes.

‘Urgh, no dating during tech. Romance and tech? They do not mix.’

‘Says the guy who ditched me to go make out with his boyfriend in wardrobe!’ Jessica said, eyes alive and teasing.

‘That was different – my boyfriend’s actually in the show. And he fed me cake, so basically I owed him,’ Bobby shrugged and Jessica just laughed at him, shaking her head slightly before turning her gaze back to Karen, immediately all-sympathy once more.

‘You want to come hang out with us after rehearsal? Bobby’s only got eyes for Dennis now so Dev’s safe to come too,’ she offered with her sunniest smile, ignoring Bobby’s huffy protests entirely.

‘I don’t know. He came all this way, I think he probably wants to actually spend some time with just me, you know?’ Karen glanced between her two friends, a small smile touching her lips when she noticed a familiar sparkle in Bobby’s eyes.

‘Wow, Iowa, I didn’t know you had it in you,’ he remarked and she swotted at him, unable to hold back her laugh.

‘Shut up, Bobby, I’m being serious. I love Dev, I do, I just...’ she let out a long breath, her shoulders sagging, and she felt Jessica slip down into the chair at her side, wrapping a gentle arm around her and resting their heads together.

‘It’s ok. We get it. Seriously. We’ve all been there,’ she said gently.

‘I think, as a profession, we just put out too much energy. It’s like...we’re functioning on this really intense precipice that normal people can’t see,’ Bobby added, rolling his eyes. ‘I don’t like civilians. I mean, I make exceptions for hot ones, but I know it won’t last.’

‘Gee, thanks Bobby, you’re a really motivational speaker, you know that?’ Karen laughed.

‘Don’t sass me, Iowa, I’m perfect,’ Bobby shot back, flicking his hair out of his face.

‘That’s your answer for everything, you know that?’ Karen pointed out.

‘Because you can’t change the truth,’ Bobby said evenly and Karen mimicked him briefly before bursting out laughing as Bobby began to tickle her.

 

Bobby and Karen were still happily bickering when the dressing room door opened and interrupted their game. When they looked up they saw a stressed-looking Linda in the doorway, clearly fresh from being barked at by Derek.

‘Derek needs the whole company back onstage. He wants to look at History again before he can let you go for the day,’ she announced, rolling her eyes before turning promptly on her heel and disappearing down the corridor.

‘Seriously? Again?’ Bobby’s expression was incredulous and disgusted at once. ‘I’m so done with History. Not even kidding. Do you see the lift I have to do in it? I’ve got like a ten second window to get Joy up in the air and get us both off the stage. It’s next to impossible.’

‘Oh, you’ll be fine,’ Jessica said, rolling her eyes and sharing a knowing look with Karen.

‘You’re perfect, remember?’ Karen reminded him brightly, trying to hold back her laugh, and Bobby simply pouted dramatically at her, linking arms with Jessica.

‘Finally you admit it,’ he said, suppressing a grin as Karen swotted him yet again.

 

Later that evening, as she was leaving with Dev for dinner, Karen couldn’t resist peering in through the open door of Bobby and Jessica’s room. She’d hoped to spend the night before their first preview buried deep in the company of the chorus, listening to Bobby’s insane stories and dancing with Dennis, and she couldn’t help but feel a pull towards her friends. The problem was that Dev just didn’t understand – couldn’t understand – the world they existed in. Because the theatre and its inhabitants definitely didn’t exist in the same world as everyone else – it was a world above everyone else’s heads and the altitude made everyone giddy, whilst at the same time the constant threat of a fall kept everyone holding their breath. The only way to survive? Hold onto each other. Tightly.

 

Karen let out a wistful sigh, letting go of Dev’s hand to lean briefly on the doorframe. Behind her Dev stopped, glancing into the room himself, his brow furrowed slightly in confusion at the longing look on his girlfriend’s face. It was just three people and a room to him. Bobby was sitting on his bed, Jessica on the floor in front of him as he plaited her hair, and over on the other bed, Dennis was sitting cross-legged, his bright eyes fixed on Bobby as he laughed at some shared joke and took a swig from his bottle of beer.

‘So, who’s excited for first preview tomorrow?’ Bobby was asking, his voice dripping with mocking enthusiasm. Jessica’s hand shot up right away – she was beaming, her blue eyes wide, and she let out a giggle when Bobby hit her in the face with one of her plaits. ‘You don’t count, Jess, you’re always excited,’ he smirked and she stuck her tongue out at him.

‘Well _I’m_ excited,’ Dennis put in. ‘I love first nights.’

‘Yeah, come on, Chorus Boy, have a bit of enthusiasm!’ Jessica joined in and Bobby rolled his eyes.

‘Who said I wasn’t enthusiastic?’ he protested, grinning. ‘I can’t wait, actually. We should take bets on what’s going to go wrong – my money’s on Rebecca’s dying cat impression actually doing someone physical harm, like a burst eardrum or something. That or Ivy pulling another Heaven on Earth and getting so drunk she just pushes her right off the stage.’

‘If she did, she’d probably be doing us all a favour,’ Jessica said with a sly smile. Dennis simply laughed at the two of them, shaking his head. In the doorway, Karen smiled fondly, whilst behind her, Dev raised an eyebrow.

‘A real bunch of optimists your new friends,’ he whispered, chuckling softly, but Karen didn’t laugh, still watching the group as they laughed and bantered together.

‘Actually, they’re pretty amazing,’ she murmured, before slowly pushing away from the doorframe and taking Dev’s hand once more. ‘Come on. You came all this way for me not them, so let’s go.’

 

Dennis glanced up just as Dev and Karen were leaving, was only half-sure he’d even seen anyone there at all. He was finding more and more now that he didn’t see anyone other than Bobby – he was caught up in Bobby’s intensity and the way his laugh would catch the light. It was an edge he was aware he was balancing on; the edge of being far more involved with a man he’d once dismissed as nothing more than a dreadful influence. But the problem was that Bobby didn’t come with brakes; once he pulled you in, you tended to just keep travelling, everything becoming just as unstoppable as he was. Bobby caught him staring then and he flashed him a playful wink, blowing him a kiss, a quiet moment of sweetness creeping out despite the buzz of alcohol slowly sharpening his edges.

‘Dennis, music,’ he smiled, balancing his beer and the hairbrush as he tidied up the second of Jessica’s plaits whilst also fishing around for his iPod. When he found it he chucked it in Dennis’ direction and Dennis caught it with a dancer’s grace.

‘Any chance you’re hoping for a little relaxation music followed by an early night?’ he asked, scrolling through the tracks on the iPod, trying to decide which song was best to pick.

‘God no. I’m hoping for a song I can bounce on the bed and get drunk to,’ Bobby shot back.

‘It’s not a first preview if Bobby isn’t slightly hungover for it,’ Jessica beamed, her smile radiant as she glanced up to share a knowing look with Bobby. Dennis suspected there was a story there – because there was always a story there when it came to Bobby – but for once neither one of them was revealing it.

 

It was almost inevitable, Dennis thought, that half the ensemble ended up crowded into Bobby and Jessica’s room, dancing and drinking and letting Bobby hold court on the subject of Derek Wills’ ‘shellfish issues’ for a good ten minutes. No-one would deny that one of Bobby’s best qualities was that he was pure fun encased in skin and bone – and sure, some might say too much fun, but those people had clearly never had the experience of being in a cast with him.

‘I’m getting drunk and sassy – I need you keep me sweet, Strawberries,’ Bobby grinned a half-hour into the impromptu party, pressing a messy kiss to Dennis’ lips as he fell into his lap. Jessica had been sent to get more beer, leaving Bobby dancing alone, and Dennis suspected the sudden affection had more to do with Bobby wanting someone to dance with than any real concern over his conduct.

‘Since when did you care how drunk and sassy you got?’ Dennis laughed, aware that he was more than a little tipsy himself.

‘Since some dancer-boy with Bambi eyes kissed me in the street. Now get up and dance with me,’ Bobby shot back, giving Dennis another quick kiss before pulling him to his feet.

 

In the end they spent half the night caught in that pattern, Bobby laughing and squirming in Dennis’ embrace, then falling back into his lap over and over, his head tossed back and his eyes bright. Dennis’ natural inclination towards caution had been suppressed, for a few hours at least, and Bobby rewarded him with affection which was, for once, not hidden behind sharp remarks and attitude.

 

 

 

***

 

_‘But then, Jess manages to knock over this guy’s tip jar! I’m serious, I’m serious! No, shut up a second and listen. We’ve survived the bar, we’ve survived the psycho-kill-stalker-guy on the subway, we’ve survived Zak’s lethal cocktails, but Jess just seems to live for the drama because she’s pissed this guy off so much that he starts shouting – I’m already up on stage with the mic at this point, Zak is just crying with laugher, Lee and Josie have just run off and left us and somehow – I still don’t know how – Dean’s managed to cram himself underneath this table, full-on pretending he’s not with us, but he’s also knocked over pretty much everyone’s drinks in the process so they’re all screaming for him to get out. It was a disaster. I told my cousin; that’s the last time I let you give me directions to a wedding. I mean really. How did he manage to send us to the wrong wedding?! It’s amazing he even got to the wedding himself. I mean, we offered to perform for these other guys, for free, and yet they basically just kicked us all out of there without a thank you. Who even has a Frank Sinatra impersonator at their wedding when they’re getting married in New York? You don’t get married in showbizland if you don’t want fierce Broadway people to crash your wedding and put on a show. I mean seriously. Read the rulebook. God.’_

***

 

‘Get up! Get up! It’s first preview day!!’ Bobby let out a loud groan into his pillow as Jessica bounced up and down on his bed. He scrunched his eyes more tightly closed but he could just picture her bright-eyed smile and he knew resistance was futile. Jessica loved mornings, performing, sunshine and bouncing – Bobby, on the other hand, was a night owl. There was nothing Jessica loved more than winding him up first thing in the morning, positively fizzing with the sort of energy that Bobby inflicted on everyone the rest of the time. ‘It’s first preview, Lazy Bones, so get your ass up and ready.’ Jessica flopped down onto the bed and started tickling Bobby mercilessly.

‘Oh my God, you’re evil!’ Bobby protested, kicking her off him and pulling the covers up over his head. Jessica just laughed brightly, trying to get at him through the covers only to be pushed off the bed with a swift kick from her best friend. ‘You’re insane,’ Bobby’s voice came from deep inside the covers and Jessica just giggled in response. ‘Pixie Woman,’ Bobby huffed.

 

Jessica was about to go in for another attack when there was the sound of a knock on the door. She sprang to her feet enthusiastically, racing across the room just as Bobby let out another groan of protest and pulled his pillow over his head. ‘Go away!’ he yelled at the same moment Jessica opened the door to an amused looking Karen.

‘His Highness is up bright and early then?’ she joked and Jessica smirked, glancing over her shoulder at the mound of covers, pillows and cushions which her best friend was buried under. She tilted her head to one side, her hair swishing, her eyes sparkling.

‘He’s so cute when he’s grumpy, don’t you think? Like an angry kitten.’

‘I can hear you! God, I’m asleep not dead,’ Bobby’s muffled voice retorted and Jessica exchanged an amused glance with Karen.

‘Well, I came to see if you wanted to head to the theatre but...’ Karen trailed off, looking thoughtfully over at Bobby’s bed. ‘I’m guessing you guys might need more time.’

‘He might not be ready, but I am – we should leave him be anyway, he’s kind of a nightmare to be around before he’s had his coffee. Just let me grab my stuff and we can go.’

‘Yes. Please. Leave,’ Bobby put in from under the covers and Jessica rolled her eyes, hurrying over to her bed to collect her bag. She paused before leaving, leaning over Bobby’s bed and tugging at the covers just enough to reveal a scruff of dark hair.

‘Bye, Chorus Boy, see you at the theatre, bright and breezy!’ Bobby groaned yet again and Jessica laughed. ‘You’ve got twenty minutes before I call to make sure you’re up, ok?’

‘Like you even know where your phone is,’ Bobby replied, tunnelling back under the covers and rolling over.

 

Of course, for all his complaining, it only took him ten more minutes to submit to the bright sunlight Jessica had left streaming through their room – he wasn’t sure what ungodly hour she’d pulled back the curtains, but he knew that she knew it was a sure-fire way of rousing him. His first move was to pull out his suitcase and rummage through it for his sunglasses, and once he had them on, he was ready to face the world.

 

‘Hey you, you’re looking a bit more lively than when I last saw you.’ Jessica was still all smiles when he got to the theatre. She turned around in her seat immediately, reaching over and kissing him on the cheek as he flopped down into a seat behind her.

‘So, I just saw Julia outside. On the same day Michael’s back in town.’ He leant onto the seat in front and arched an eyebrow. ‘I smell drama,’ he smirked. Jessica shook her head at him, smacking him on the arm.

‘Shut up – from what I’ve heard, Derek’s going to have her locked in a room doing nothing but rewrites all day, she won’t have time for drama,’ she said. ‘Besides, that’s not even the half of it.’ Jessica glanced over at Karen, who sighed heavily, preparing to reiterate what she’d just finished explaining to Jessica ten minutes previously.

‘Ivy’s mad at me because Rebecca’s sleeping with Derek,’ she shrugged. Bobby scrunched up his face and Jessica suppressed a laugh.

‘Wait, Derek and the movie star?!’

‘Don’t even think about putting that on Twitter or I will hurt you,’ Jessica told him sternly, but the glitter in her eyes gave her away and Bobby just rolled his eyes at her.

‘As if, I’m not an idiot. But wait...why’s Ivy mad at Iowa?’

‘She thinks I knew and didn’t tell her.’

‘But you do know...’ Bobby frowned and Karen shot him a half-hearted glare.

‘Yeah, because Ivy told me,’ she pointed out and Bobby pulled a face.

‘God. Dating and tech really don’t mix,’ he sighed, resting his chin on his arms. Karen shrugged and turned back to her phone, but Jessica was still watching Bobby carefully.

‘Hey, Chorus Boy, you ok?’ she asked gently, reaching across and stroking his hair. Bobby’s brown eyes met hers and she leant in instinctively. ‘Stop worrying,’ she whispered, offering him a small smile. Bobby smiled back, shrugging.

‘This whole production’s balancing on the brink, Jess, you can’t blame me for thinking I’m next in line for a fall. Look at my track record.’

‘You’ll be fine, Bobby. Now smile form me, please? It’s first preview. We’ve got like a tonne of good luck rituals to get through after notes,’ Jessica told him softly, Bobby’s eyes twinkling his thanks at her as his lips curved into the smallest of smiles.

 

 

***

 

_‘Oh my God, I can’t believe Iowa ditched us for her hot boyfriend. On the night of her first preview! Lame. Seriously. But at least she made it to curtain without falling off anything, that’s got to be a plus.’ Bobby leant across the bar and called an order at the bartender before turning back around and widening his eyes theatrically. ‘Don’t even try and protest, Bambi. We need shots. Like, an hour ago. I mean; no applause? I bet Derek wished I’d brought my lobsters for once – at least it would’ve got a better reaction from the audience. Oh, Jess, don’t even pretend you wouldn’t have paid good money to see that! Those lobsters were probably better singers than Rebecca Duvall is anyway. The audience would’ve applauded if she’d just outright quit mid-show. Ivy and Karen could’ve fought it out onstage for the wig, we would’ve been a hit in no time.’ Bobby smiled slyly. ‘This whole show is on the brink of a breakdown if someone doesn’t pull something out the bag, you know. I wouldn’t be surprised if we got a new Marilyn before the end of the week. And don’t give me that look, Jess, I don’t care if the problem was the ending, did you see Rebecca backstage after? I’m telling you now, this isn’t over.’_

***

 

‘Get up or I’m dragging you to church in your bedsheets.’ As soon as the word ‘church’ had left Sam’s lips the day before, Bobby had seen his weekend slipping away right before his eyes. He’d had a premonition of this very moment and he hadn’t liked it one bit; in fact, the only thing worse than that premonition? The reality. As Jessica began tugging on the covers he was wrapped in, he let out a loud grunt of protest, trying to squirm free of her surprisingly strong grasp. ‘You know it’s your own fault we’re this hungover right now. If we’d just gone straight to bed when I suggested it...’

‘Ivy was the one pushing for shots.’

‘Yeah, after you spent all day drinking with her and Dennis! Besides, I didn’t see you put up much of a fight, Chorus Boy,’ Jessica chuckled.

‘She was having a bad day, I was being supportive!’ Jessica gave his sheets another firm tug and he winced. ‘Oh my God, remind me why we’re friends?!’ he groaned, taking advantage of Jessica’s moment of distraction to take back control of the bed covers, pulling them more tightly around himself and burying his head in them.

‘Um, that would be because you stalked me and made me do shots with you,’ Jessica pointed out with a roll of her eyes. ‘Are you spotting a theme?’ Bobby rolled over with another groan.

‘Well I’m re-auditioning the part. Tonight. At the bar. No morning people allowed.’

‘Too late for that, Bobby. I know all your secrets,’ Jessica smiled, grabbing up the covers once more and hauling Bobby towards her, forcing him to poke his head out from under them in order to glower at her half-heartedly.

‘I hate you.’

‘You always say that in the mornings. Now come on or we’ll be late for church.’

‘We never go to church, Jess! Why are we going to church?’ Bobby whined. Jessica couldn’t help but laugh as she looked at him; his hair a dark shock, one eye closed, the other only half-open. ‘This is why I shouldn’t make friends with good people. I need awful friends, where can I get some of-OW!’ Bobby let out a sharp yelp as one of his own shirts hit him in the face. He glowered at Jessica once more but she simply smiled warmly back at him and he sighed, admitting defeat. ‘Now I really hate you,’ he mumbled, flopping back on the bed.

‘You love me. A lot.’

‘I like you. _Maybe._ And only a little bit,’ he countered, rolling himself over until he fell off the edge of the bed, just close enough to where his suitcase was lying open. ‘I don’t get it – why do we still have to go pray when the movie star didn’t croak?’ He stared blankly at his belongings, his face all scrunched up and his hair falling across his eyes. Jessica chose to ignore him, continuing to brush out her hair instead. Bobby picked up a shirt, inspected it and wrinkled his nose before throwing it back into the case. ‘God, what do you even wear for church?’

‘Well, it’s just a suggestion, but maybe not your pyjamas,’ Jessica replied with a grin and Bobby turned to shoot her a dark look.

 

It was a whole half-hour later before the two of them emerged from their room. Dennis was too impressed that Jessica had managed to get Bobby out of bed to really mind the fact that his boyfriend barely acknowledged him; there was some sort of vague nod but it was hard to tell if Bobby was even awake behind those sunglasses of his. Bobby’s aversion to the cast’s church plans had made Dennis slightly uncomfortable. It wasn’t that he was deeply religious himself, it was just that he thought it might be nice to see Bobby express enthusiasm in a group activity that didn’t involve alcohol or snide remarks. He knew that Bobby was a good person, and he knew that he wasn’t even half as much of an attention-seeker as he made himself out to be, but every now and again, his sharp edges would catch the light and they’d make Dennis wary. There was always a possibility that Bobby actually was just hot air and spikes, there was always a possibility that Jessica had been wrong about him. Dennis regarded Bobby carefully, watching him link arms with Jessica and rest his head on her shoulder. Jessica had told him once that Bobby was only really about as threatening as a kitten, and sure, maybe he really was that docile most of the time. But kittens have claws too.

‘Well good morning, Sunshine,’ Sue laughed, looking Bobby up and down, and Dennis glanced over his shoulder at her, a small smile on his lips as the two of them shared a rueful look. Jessica simply smiled and rolled her eyes.

‘Seriously, don’t poke the bear,’ she sighed, sliding on her own sunglasses and glancing over at Bobby, whose nonplussed expression lacked, to everyone’s surprise, any sour edge to it. He simply huffed out a breath and wrinkled his nose in a show of distaste and Dennis couldn’t stop a small smile forming on his lips.

‘You’re only saying that because you’re almost as hungover as he is,’ he said to Jessica and she stuck her tongue out at him.

‘Shut up, Bambi. No-one is as hungover as I am,’ Bobby assured him, though Dennis could see the vaguest hint of a smile creeping along his lips.

 

By the time they were all inside the church, Bobby was actually doing a passable impression of someone who hadn’t stayed up half the night drinking; ‘Please, you know I’m a trained actor, right?’ had been the retort when Dennis had teased him about it, a flick of the hair, a glint in the eyes, Bobby slowly but surely coming back into his usual, vibrant self. Suddenly all affection instead of complaints, he’d taken Dennis’ hand and kissed his knuckles and Jessica had let out a small ‘Aw’ behind his back, Sue and Dennis trying to suppress their smirks. What Dennis tried to remind himself of every time he doubted Bobby, was that although Bobby was full of words and stories and was bound up in energy and colour – when it came down to it, he was a gestures man. He complained loudly about coming out to church with them, but he still came. He told Jessica he hated her, but he still kissed the top of her head. He told Dennis to shut up, but he constantly shared secret smiles and looks with him, even in the largest of groups. Dennis glanced across at him then, and Bobby seemed to sense his eyes on him because he looked up and smiled, nudging Dennis’ shoulder with his own.

‘Hey, Bambi, where’d your head go just now?’ he whispered and Dennis shrugged.

‘I was just thinking about you.’

‘Naturally, who doesn’t?’ Bobby joked, his eyes playful. But then he looked more thoughtfully at Dennis, tilting his head to one side. ‘You really don’t know what to make of me do you?’ he asked gently and Dennis opened his mouth to protest before quickly closing it again, laughing shyly and looking down at his hands. Bobby pushed himself up a little and shuffled closer to Dennis. ‘Hey, don’t feel bad. I’m a nightmare,’ he murmured, resting his chin on Dennis’ shoulder. ‘Jess only puts up with me coz she’s a nightmare too. In completely different ways but...’ Bobby rolled his eyes. ‘She’s cute but she’s evil,’ he added and Dennis laughed, looking back up at Bobby.

‘You’re not a nightmare,’ he said gently, his dark eyes meeting Bobby’s. The corner of Bobby’s lips twitched up slightly and Dennis mirrored the expression.

‘I kind of am. But whatever you say.’ Dennis smirked and elbowed Bobby lightly in the ribs.

‘No. You’re not. I just...can’t quite figure out what you are, actually. But you’re not a nightmare. Just a little intense. And maybe a little crazy. But you’re a lot sweeter than you want anyone to think.’ Bobby suppressed a smile, quickly glancing away and straightening up in his seat.

‘Sure, Bambi. Keep telling yourself that.’ Bobby looked around him then, trying to see if everyone had arrived yet. ‘Now can we get this thing started already? I’m so bored I can feel the all the fun in me dying.’ Dennis smirked and rolled his eyes, and at his side Jessica turned away from her conversation with Karen to shoot Bobby a warning look.

‘Can I actually take you anywhere?’ she sighed, blue eyes mischievous and sparkly. Bobby tilted his head and looked at her with a great show of seriousness.

‘Blondie, I hate to break it to you? But you kind of take me everywhere.’ And with that, that terror of a man settled down, listening placidly to the service, a small smile curving his lips, his head resting on Dennis’ shoulder every now and again, his sharpness and his stories temporarily packed away.

 

Of course, Dennis knew, working in their industry, stories were never far. Drama clung to the very air they breathed – theatre people inhabited their own, dizzying world and it was something that all of them thrived on to varying extents. It was one of those breezy, sunny days where no-one felt like doing anything, and for a while Bobby, Jessica and Dennis had curled up together on Bobby’s bed, watched movies on his laptop, playfully trying to rework them all into terrible musicals and falling about laughing at Bobby’s outrageous pitches for potential song-and-dance numbers at the most inappropriate times. As the day ebbed away, they drifted up to Ivy’s room, drinking and trying to keep her spirits up as best they could. And, of course, that was when Karen returned from visiting Rebecca.

 

‘Woah woah woah, sit down, come on, come here,’ Bobby said, grabbing Karen’s hand and pulling her into the room. Ivy stiffened at the sight of Karen standing there but Bobby pressed on, gently pushing Karen into the chair he had just vacated. ‘Jess, beer,’ he called out, climbing up to sit behind Karen. He began making a fuss of her, playing with her hair, constantly touching her shoulders, all his focus suddenly on trying to cheer her up. He shared a look with Jessica as she handed Karen a beer and Dennis tried to figure out what it was the two of them were communicating – trying to crack the code of their friendship and work out what they were up to. And then he saw Bobby’s gaze flick briefly to the clearly on-edge Ivy and he realised that both Bobby and Jessica had been sitting with Ivy for most of the afternoon and Bobby was clearly still worried about the distant look in her eyes. There was obviously something more than just the situation with Derek going on there and Bobby and Jessica were silently forming a guard around her, protecting her without announcing that that’s what they were doing. The look, Dennis realised, was an acknowledgement; Bobby would look after Karen, but Jessica needed to keep an extra eye on Ivy. Karen took a sip of her beer as Jessica moved back to sit next to Ivy. ‘Ok, now tell them all what you just told me,’ Bobby said gently, prodding Karen in the back.

‘Why is it that you can’t resist a story?’ she sighed, glancing up at him with a tired smile. Bobby simply shrugged.

‘Because, Iowa, stories are what Broadway’s all about. Now spill, we’re dying here.’

 

 

***

 

_‘It’s just typical. They know we’re gonna find out anyway, so why not just tell us outright? Why be so secretive about it? It’s gonna be Ivy, or it’s gonna be Iowa, it’s not like we’d not worked that out already, and unless Derek’s stashing some sort of Marilyn robot in his hotel room – ew, don’t even want to think about it – then they’re going to have to let us in before the half-hour call or the show will just have to be cancelled.’ He glanced up from his phone, looking over at Ivy and Karen then sharing a smile with Dennis. ‘You know, I could always go on. The wig fits me. And so do some of the dresses. Besides, I’m actually totally hot as a blonde. Not sure I could handle having to sleep with Derek though – you know he’s actually more of a nightmare than I am. And he just doesn’t get how lucky he is to know me – I’ve told you about the first time he ever fired me, right? Exactly. I am wasted on him.’_

***

 

Dennis was sitting in the front row of the stalls, his knee pulled up to his chest, his chin resting on it as he took a break from rehearsal to watch Bobby, who was still up onstage with Karen, laughing and joking, trying to keep her smiling. No-one was quite sure what had happened earlier, although most people had their suspicions. Admirably, Bobby didn’t push her for the details – established that Dev had screwed up and the pressure of the show was immense and then had promptly moved on, told her the story of his Broadway debut instead, embellished and exaggerated just enough to extricate laughs in all the right places. Derek got the credit for getting her back onstage, but Bobby ought to take the credit for keeping her something close to sane.

 

‘Well she recovered fast.’ Dennis jumped slightly as someone flopped down into the seat beside him. Ivy was staring up at the stage, everything about her demeanour spelling out her crushing defeat as she watched Karen and Bobby talking. Bobby was jumping excitably and beckoning someone towards him, and promptly Jessica appeared from the wings, all dressed up in her outfit for the new final number. Bobby gasped theatrically, grabbing one of Jessica’s hands and then one of Karen’s, spinning the two of them and kissing both of them on the cheek as they laughed at him. Ivy folded her arms and drew in a tense breath and Dennis regarded her thoughtfully, his eyes full of concern.

‘Ivy, you’ve both been through a lot today, but come on, you’re the strongest person I know,’ he said gently. ‘You’re gonna find something else, you know?’ Ivy laughed bitterly.

‘Are you sure Bobby’s not the strongest person you know?’ she asked, still watching the antics up on the stage.

‘Don’t be mad at him, he’s just trying to look out for Karen.’

‘Yeah. Because she’s clearly the one having a bad day here. She’s got Derek wrapped around her finger, she’s going on as Marilyn, she’s...she’s got all my friends running round after her...’ Ivy put her hands up to her face and took a deep breath. ‘So much for loyalty,’ she muttered, drawing herself up a little and glaring up at Bobby. ‘God knows why Jessica trusts him...God knows why _you_ trust him.’ Dennis frowned.

‘Ivy, don’t be mean.’

‘Coming from the guy dating Bobby? Does he have a setting other than bitchy?’

 

Over at the stage steps, Jessica stood, frozen to the spot, her mouth open in surprise at the conversation she had just overheard. She had been coming to check on Ivy, but she had quickly halted when she’d heard hers and Bobby’s names, a defensive anger rising up within her. However, it wasn’t Ivy’s words which were causing it – Ivy was upset and angry and it was natural for her to want to lash out. What Jessica didn’t like was the look on Dennis’ face. He couldn’t be taking Ivy’s words to heart, could he?

‘Look, Bobby’s complicated, ok? Can we just drop this?’ Dennis sighed, looking down at his phone and shifting awkwardly in his seat. Ivy rolled her eyes.

‘Hey, just take it from someone who knows; the dark guy making the sharp remarks does not have a soft side. Believe me. I’ve been there. Any softness you’re seeing? It’s all for show so they can get what they want out of you. You’re a few weeks of fun, Dennis. That’s all. You’ll see.’

 

Jessica was digging her nails into her hands, ready to burst out and call Dennis out for even thinking about listening to Ivy when she was in such a poor mood. But another part of her was simply aching with sadness; because Dennis had spent so much time with Bobby over the past few weeks, and she knew just how much Bobby had let him in. If Dennis still didn’t realise that beneath it all Bobby not only had a heart of gold, but a heart that could easily be wounded, then really, he didn’t deserve to be with Bobby at all. She sucked in a steadying breath, turning slowly to look back up at Bobby. He was sitting now, cross-legged, talking to Karen at a million miles an hour, tossing his head back in a wild laugh, eyes alight. He was so happy right now, but she knew she still had to tell him. Honesty – it was Bobby’s own policy, after all. She sighed and closed her eyes a moment, trying to come up with a plan of action, but she knew she had to tell him now, before she lost her nerve, so she jogged back up the steps and hurried over to him.

 

Bobby looked up in surprise as he felt Jessica’s hand on his arm, and he frowned in confusion when he saw the concerned look on her face.

‘Hey, are you ok?’ he asked gently. Jessica bit her lip.

‘Can I talk to you alone for a sec? It’s important.’

‘Sure.’ Bobby got to his feet and Jessica grabbed his hand, tugging him towards the wings.

 

Bobby didn’t visibly react when she told him. He kept his arms folded and he looked at her steadily and when she had done explaining the whole scene to him he stood very still and quiet, his gaze slowly turning towards the floor. ‘And he didn’t stick up for me? At all?’ he asked at last, his voice soft.

‘Not exactly,’ Jessica admitted, pulling a face and shrugging, still trying to judge Bobby’s emotions from his face but, unusually, failing to read him at all. ‘He asked her to drop it, but that was it...’ She reached out and squeezed his arm and he finally met her eyes. Immediately those illusive emotions were obvious to her, because she’d seen that sadness in him before a long time ago and she had hoped she’d never have to see it there again. ‘Look, Ivy didn’t mean what she said, you know?’ she tried but Bobby smiled at her lopsidedly, despondency evident in his eyes.

‘It’s not really Ivy I was bothered about,’ he said softly, swallowing hard and taking a breath. ‘I don’t blame her for lashing out. I probably would in her position. But the fact that Dennis still doesn’t trust me? That just pisses me off,’ he added, though Jessica knew better than to take those words seriously. He wasn’t pissed off. Bobby pissed off was all words and fury. No, he wasn’t pissed off. He was hurt. She wrapped her around his neck and hugged him tightly.

‘I’m here if you need me, Chorus Boy,’ she whispered by his ear.

‘I’ll be fine, Jess. Honestly? If he doesn’t get me by now, he’s just...not even worth the time,’ he replied.

 

***

 

 

‘ _Hey, Iowa, I was looking for you. I know it’s only the end of Act One but you need to know how fierce you looked out there. I mean seriously, I think even Derek was smiling. Not even joking, Karen, you’ve come a long way, you know? I’m almost proud of you. And I’m never proud of anyone but myself...and maybe Jessica...so don’t tell anyone I told you that. Just know you’re doing great, ok? Oh, ok...woah, woah, hey – hey, hey, you ok? Calm down, calm...breathe...stop looking like you’re about to cry, you’re fine. You’re fierce, Iowa, that’s a good thing! What’s wrong? Is it Dev? Ivy? The show? Is it something I said? Actually, don’t answer that. I get it, it’s everything, right? Ok. Come on, come with me,’ Bobby took Karen’s hand and began to guide her out of the wings, heading for the stage door. ‘Come on, let’s get you out for some air. Would it help if I stopped being nice to you and went back to being a sassy bitch instead?’ Karen laughed and Bobby flashed her a warm smile. ‘Thought so. Good, ok, we’re getting somewhere. I’ll call you out for being a hick in a minute, Iowa, but let’s just get outside first. Hey, Jess! Jess, Iowa’s having a moment. Yeah, go get your candy stash out the dressing room and come with. Ok, you ok? Ok. Good. Come on then, Iowa, let’s get you out of here.’_

***

 

The moment the curtain came down, the cast began to squeal and hug each other with excitement, gathering around Karen to offer their congratulations. Bobby, Jessica, Sue and Dennis were the first to reach her, with Bobby squeezing her tightly and spinning her around, forcing a timid laugh out of her as the others offered her warm words and smiles.

‘I can’t believe that went so well!’ Dennis laughed.

‘We might actually make Broadway,’ Bobby smirked, setting Karen down and stepping back to let Sue and Jessica crowd in to hug her.

‘ _I_ might actually make Broadway,’ Karen put in.

‘As if there was any doubt,’ Jessica smiled.

‘Oh there was plenty of doubt, Jess,’ Bobby joked, and for that Jessica smacked him, the other girls joining in with the attack whilst Bobby laughed mischievously.

 

‘Well done Miss Cartwright.’ The group all stilled and smothered their laughter at the sound of another voice from behind them. When they turned around, they saw Derek standing there, arms folded, his eyes fixed on Karen and no-one else. ‘I came to congratulate you, but it seems like I’m not the first,’ he said with one of those smiles of his that no-one was quite sure they could trust. Jessica and Bobby exchanged a knowing look.

‘Ok, we need to get out of here,’ Bobby whispered in Jessica’s ear and she nodded enthusiastically, slipping herself behind Bobby and peering curiously at Derek from over his shoulder. ‘Yeah, we need to leave,’ Bobby muttered as an awkward atmosphere settled on the group, and he turned, linking arms with Jessica and heading away. Sue and Dennis melted back from the group too, following Bobby and Jessica towards the wings, and when they all glanced back towards Karen and Derek they couldn’t help but notice how close the two of them were standing. ‘God, tell me she’s not even thinking about it,’ Bobby muttered, rolling his eyes with distaste. Jessica flicked another glance back and pulled a face.

‘I wouldn’t put it past Derek. But Karen? She wouldn’t go there,’ she said confidently.

 

At that moment, Sam came over to join them, his expression concerned.

‘Hey, have any of you guys seen Ivy?’ he asked and Jessica frowned, looking around and quickly realising that Ivy wasn’t with the rest of the cast. Bobby narrowed his eyes, his eyebrows knitting together slightly.

‘Actually, now I think about it...she missed the curtain,’ he said slowly.

‘That doesn’t sound good – today has been rough on her, maybe seeing Karen pull it out the bag pushed her over the edge?’ Sue suggested and Jessica’s face fell.

‘Ok, we need to find her. Now. Come on Bobby, let’s check the dressing room,’ she said, grabbing Bobby’s hand and heading for the stairs.

‘Ok, well I’m going to go check with Tom, see if he’s heard from her,’ Sam said.

‘I’ll come too,’ Sue added.

‘Mind if I come with you guys?’ Dennis called after Bobby and Jessica and Jessica looked at Bobby in questioning. He simply shrugged, avoiding her eyes.

‘Sure, Dennis,’ he said quietly. Dennis frowned, confused by Bobby’s uncharacteristic reticence, but he didn’t question it, putting it down to the concern over Ivy.

 

Sure enough, they did find Ivy in her dressing room, though all three of them could tell immediately that she was far from ok; the very air in the dressing room seemed somehow thick and heavy and they paused in the doorway a moment, suddenly at a loss for words. After all, after everything that had happened to her, what was there they could say?

 

Jessica took a tentative step into the room and then stopped still, glancing back at Bobby, her blue eyes sad, imploring him to help her. Silently Bobby brushed past Dennis and came to Jessica’s side, placing a gentle hand on the small of her back.

‘Hey, Ivy,’ he ventured quietly. But Ivy didn’t look over at them, simply sat there, staring dully ahead, her hands clasped in her lap. Then Jessica saw the empty pill bottle on the dressing table and she let out a soft gasp, nudging Bobby and nodding her head towards it, looking up at him wide-eyed. It surprised Dennis that Jessica would turn to Bobby – he’d always assumed that if it came to a genuine crisis, then Jessica would be the first with the words of wisdom. But instead Jessica leant more and more into Bobby’s side.

 

Bobby, meanwhile, appeared unphased. His dark eyes were unwavering as he gave Jessica’s arm a reassuring squeeze and moved over towards Ivy, sitting himself down in the seat next to hers and placing a gentle hand on her arm. ‘Ivy,’ he said gently, tilting his head slightly to try and meet her eyes. At his touch Ivy blinked, turning slowly to look at him. The moment her wide blue eyes saw the concern is his, a glassy film of tears came over them.

‘Hi,’ she choked out, a broken, watery smile that wasn’t convincing anybody found its way onto her lips and Bobby made the effort to offer her a smile back.

‘Hey,’ he replied, sitting up a little. ‘Tough day?’ he asked softly.

‘Tough year,’ she managed, her voice breaking a little on the words. A single tear escaped then, running down her cheek, and instinctively Bobby brushed it away with his thumb.

‘But you know, Ivy, you’re tougher.’

‘I’m really not. I pretend to be but...’ Ivy sniffed and rolled her eyes. ‘God, I just don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I mean...what’s the point, Bobby? Explain to me how, after everything, I’m still in the back of the chorus, waiting for my big break.’ She looked at Bobby, her expression lost and hopeful at the same time, and Bobby looked right back at her, his brown eyes bright and sparky, and in that moment she wondered if she’d ever felt so grateful towards anyone in all her life. Because the way he looked at her – the simultaneous faith and honesty in his eyes – made her feel, for the first time that day, like she wasn’t quite as adrift in the world as she’d thought. She had good people in her life, she had good friends – if she was really as hopelessly broken as she’d felt, would she really have someone like Bobby looking at her with such genuine warmth?

‘You want to hear what I think?’ Bobby asked then, leaning in conspiratorially, his lips quirked up in a smile which was almost mischievous. Ivy couldn’t help but raise a faint smile of her own.

‘Sure,’ she whispered, making Bobby’s smile widen.

‘We’re all in the business of stories, you know? It’s just that we don’t all realise it. I’m making a cameo in your story right now.’ Bobby shrugged, sitting up slightly, though he didn’t move his hand from where it was resting on Ivy’s arm. ‘Your favourite song – that’s a story. The way you wear your hair, the things you put on your dresser. Your whole life.’ He placed his other hand over her clasped ones, gently forcing them open and flicking a glance over the pills which were still resting in her palm. ‘And in my story, I’m front and centre,’ he continued, taking a pill and dropping it back into the open pill bottle in front of them on the dressing table. ‘In your story I’m just a chorus boy,’ he smirked, rolling his eyes playfully and making Ivy let out a soft laugh. He picked up another pill and dropped it back in the bottle. ‘As long as I’m comfortable with the story I’m writing for myself, then I’m comfortable being in the world.’ He moved to close her hand once more before taking it in his own and lifting it as Ivy watched in confusion. ‘The problem starts when you begin doubting your own story. And trust me, when you do that? You need some pretty fucking good co-stars to pull you out of it.’ Bobby dipped his head to meet her eyes, carefully prying open her hand once more and tipping it so that the remaining pills trickled down into the bottle beneath. ‘Sometimes the chorus boy saves the day, right?’ He smiled uncharacteristically shyly and Ivy felt more tears beginning to prick her eyes, only this time it was for a very different reason. ‘Look, it’s your story, so you get to choose; do you get back up and turn the page, or do you close the book right here and never know for sure how the story’s meant to go from here?’

 

Jessica finally moved then, crossing the room to come and kneel on the floor in front of Ivy.

‘You wanna talk, Ivy?’ she offered softly and Ivy shook her head. ‘You want Sam? Or Tom?’ Ivy smiled, closing her eyes and drawing in a shuddery breath.

‘No...you know I think I maybe just...want to sit with you guys for a bit,’ she said slowly and Jessica smiled.

‘Ok, that we can do,’ she nodded, reaching up to give Ivy a firm hug.

‘Come on, it’s stuffy in here, let’s go outside,’ Bobby suggested pushing himself up and taking Ivy’s hand, he and Jessica leading her from the dressing room.

 

And that was how a chorus girl in a dressing gown and one in a red dress ended up sitting on the theatre’s front steps with a with a chorus boy in a sparkling baseball uniform, all of them remaining there until late into the night. Of course, few people who saw them there ever found out the full story.

 

Bobby was exhausted by the time he got back to his dressing room, and he changed as quickly as he could before packing up his things for the night. As he was shrugging his bag onto his shoulder ready to leave, he glanced up and noticed Dennis appearing in the dressing room doorway and he grimaced slightly, knowing he still had one more thing to deal with that night before he could do the only thing he’d really wanted for hours; go back to his room, curl up with Jessica and go to sleep.

 

‘Hey,’ Dennis smiled warmly, leaning on the doorframe.

‘Hey,’ Bobby replied, his voice quiet and his expression guarded. For a moment the two of them stood in silence, Bobby busying himself by zipping his phone into a pocket of his bag and checking he’d packed everything he needed. Dennis was watching him thoughtfully, a fond smile on his lips.

‘You know, you were pretty amazing tonight,’ he said after a moment and Bobby looked up, his brown eyes meeting Dennis’. ‘The way you were with Ivy-’

‘Is the way I am with everyone I care about, Dennis,’ Bobby cut him off, folding his arms, and Dennis blinked in surprise at the clear undercurrent of frustration in Bobby’s tone.

‘I know but....the way you talked to her-’

‘Is the way I talk to Jess. The way I talk to you. Have you really not ever noticed that?’

‘Bobby-’ Dennis tried to protest but Bobby rolled his eyes.

‘Don’t even try it, Bambi. Jessica heard you talking with Ivy earlier.’ Dennis’ brow furrowed in confusion as he tried to think of anything he might have said which could have upset Bobby, but he couldn’t remember saying a word against him, even when Ivy had.

‘I didn’t say anything to Ivy about you, Bobby,’ he said and Bobby sighed.

‘Exactly. Ivy was laying into me and you didn’t stick up for me. At all. You just sat there worrying that I might actually just be another bitchy chorus boy with no moral compass. Am I right?’

‘Bobby-’

‘Look, don’t bother, Dennis. You’re sweet, you know? And I really like you. But I’m not going to waste my time being involved with someone who can’t see past my attitude.’ Bobby sighed, heaved his bag more firmly onto his shoulder and turned. ‘Goodnight, Bambi. Sweet dreams,’ he murmured as he brushed past Dennis and disappeared out the door.

 

 

***

 

_‘You ok, Chorus Boy?’_

_‘I’m fine, Jess. I don’t like strawberries that much anyway. Now can we drop this?’_

_‘Sure...but you know I love you, right?’_

_‘I know, Jess. And I love you too.’_

***

 

Kyle couldn’t hold back the grin which had spread across his face. He knew he was smiling ten times wider than anyone around him, could feel himself practically vibrating in his seat, but he couldn’t help it. There was nothing, to him, like the feeling of a finale – finales were simply designed to flood your system with every emotion possible, with electricity and hope and heartbreak, with pure joy and total breathlessness. To him, there was nothing like a show. The smell of a theatre and the way the red velvet and gold would absorb the darkness and immerse you in the magic – and that feeling when it ended, it was like a loss, like falling. The sheer excitement and happiness of what you’ve watched collides with the disappointment that it’s over somewhere around your lungs and they tighten and you grin so wide it hurts and you clap ‘til your palms are raw and the rush of it goes to your head and you need to do it again. That’s the theatre, Kyle thought with a sigh.

 

The beautiful girl playing Marilyn took her final curtsey and rejoined hands with her ensemble. A chorus boy in a baseball uniform grabbed one of her outstretched hands and with his other hand blew a kiss out into the audience right in Kyle’s direction and his smile widened even as inside he felt a little part of his joy crumbling. Because the curtain was coming down. And then it would be over. Because that was the real heartbreak of live theatre – you could never see the same performance twice. Everything would change and be turned to memory. A performer could say a certain line a certain way one night and never recapture it again – and what if no-one in the audience that night remembered it? It would be lost forever, not even a memory, hardly anything. Everything about the theatre flickered, glittered in the light and then turned and faded out entirely. And that fleeting nature gave it intensity, made you want to stay close to it, because feeling all those emotions packed in so tight...to Kyle, that was what being alive meant.

 

As always, the contrast of walking out into the coolness of the night’s air came as a jolt. A bittersweet warmth settled over his skin and he wrapped his scarf around him and dug his hands into his pockets, letting out the smallest of sighs. It was a beautiful night, it was a beautiful show. But by the time the sun rose the next morning, it would be irrevocably gone. Swallowed whole by time. A memory. A shadow. An outline of a shape in his own personal history. He pulled himself in tight and closed his eyes. Yes, that was what being alive made you feel. And sometimes it hurt.

 

When Kyle pulled his phone from his pocket and turned it on, to his surprise the screen lit up immediately. His heart sank when he saw that it was Jimmy’s name flashing up on the screen, automatically assuming the worst. Was he hurt, was he in hospital, had he got drunk and done something stupid? Was he in jail? Or worse, was he back at Adam’s? Leaving Jimmy, even for a little while, was always a risk. But Jimmy had been in a good place recently, and he’d really hoped that, just for once, he could take some time out to do something he loved without having to worry about Jimmy the whole time.

‘Are you alright? What’s wrong? Do you need me?’ he asked in a rush of breath as he brought the phone up to his ear. A slow, drawling laugh came down the line in response, and Kyle felt himself relax slightly.

‘God, I’m fine, calm down, would you? I was just calling to ask you how the show went.’

‘Since when do you care about any musical you weren’t writing the music for?’ Kyle countered with a smirk, walking away from the crowds outside the theatre doors and heading for a quieter part of the street so he could talk.

‘Well you were excited about it. I wanted to know if you were having fun. You deserve to have fun, you know? So I was just...checking in.’ Kyle couldn’t help but smile at that, genuinely touched. Because Jimmy just didn’t do checking in with anyone. He usually hated the idea of ever being responsible for anyone but himself, didn’t really care if everyone else was having a good time as long as he had whiskey or some weed and a decent place to crash. ‘Come on, Kyle. Tell me about it. I know you’re dying to – you ramble on for weeks when you see a show. Tell me now. I wanna know.’

‘Ok. Fine. It...it’s not perfect...’ Kyle admitted, biting his lip and trying to contain the rush of superlatives which were threatening to burst forth as he thought about the night he’d had. ‘It could use some work, I mean...I’m glad they fixed the ending, coz by the sound of it, that was a huge mess. But seriously, Jimmy...it was still amazing. God, I love the score so much...I don’t know what I’d do if I ever met Tom Levitt, because he’s just...’ Kyle swallowed a grin and shook his head, his blue eyes glittering dazedly as he tried to recall every detail. ‘And Jimmy, there’s this girl in it. I swear, Rebecca Duvall leaving them? It was probably a seriously lucky break.’

 

Kyle wasn’t sure how long he stood there talking with Jimmy on the phone, but by the time he hung up, the crowds had dissipated and he was more-or-less alone in the quiet night. He glanced up at the posters and the lights with a faraway sigh, wishing he had the money saved to buy more tickets for the next night. But he had a shift tomorrow night anyway, and besides, he could see it on Broadway. Well, he hoped he could. He felt a strange ache in his chest as he thought it though, an inexplicable fear that he might never see the show again. He always got like this after a performance – all melancholy and despondent – and he knew it was pathetic but he couldn’t help it. The more wonderful the night, the harder it was to leave behind, and he didn’t want to move from his spot on the street, because that would be too much like admitting it was over.

 

A minute later, a warm, wild laugh cut through the quietness and Kyle turned to see a boisterous group of people making their way across the road. When he spotted the man who was laughing, he recognised him immediately; the chorus boy who’d blown the kiss at curtain. Kyle couldn’t help but watch him, suddenly mystified by the group; theatre people, just as intense and animated as the red-and-gold world they occupied, vivacious and bright and wild. Kyle longed to run after them, burst out with a thousand compliments, somehow be part of their world just for a little while. Kyle made no distinction between the stars and the chorus; to him, if you were part of the theatre, you glittered and he was enchanted.

‘I swear, Jess! I swear. No, listen – Ivy shut up a second – I was standing in the wings and I looked over the other side and Linda was, like, _crying_ , practically. She was on the edge of a breakdown! And then Jess is just there like ‘Have you seen my dress for Smash?’ and I’m not kidding, Linda was about to throw something. I thought she was going to just walk right out on stage and quit.’ Kyle chuckled at the chorus boy’s story, glancing at the women either side of him; two bright-eyed blondes and a tall, graceful black woman, all of whom he recognised from the show, all of them laughing as well. The chorus boy laughed too, and even as one of the blondes swotted at him and attempted to tell him off, Kyle could still see affection and amusement there as her face was illuminated briefly by the theatre’s lights.

‘That was not my fault, Bobby! Shut up!’ she was protesting, but it was too late, the chorus boy was already doing an impression, the other women now laughing even harder, shaking their heads. Kyle leant back against the theatre wall and sighed.

‘One day,’ he whispered quietly, a wistful smile on his lips. ‘One day I’m going to be part of your world.’

 

 

***

 

_‘He called me a supernova, Jess. No-one’s ever called me that before. Of course I care...of course I care...’ Bobby closed his eyes. ‘I really...I really did care about him.’_

***

 

 

It was the day of their last show in Boston, and most of the ensemble had gathered on the stage for an impromptu pre-show party. Bobby and Jessica were sharing a packet of Gummi Bears, talking to each other animatedly, Bobby unable to stop giggling.

‘Oh my God, Jess, you’re ridiculous!’ he laughed, squeezing her shoulders tightly, pressing a kiss into her hair before resting his head against hers. She reached up and wrapped an arm around his head, kissing his forehead affectionately, still laughing herself.

‘You always say that but I know you still love me,’ she replied.

‘You two have clearly had too much sugar,’ Ivy laughed. She was sitting opposite them, leaning on Sam and watching them, incredulous, but Bobby and Jessica both pulled faces at her, dismissive of her theory.

‘Or maybe you just haven’t had enough,’ Jessica suggested playfully, popping another Gummi Bear in her mouth and smiling proudly as Bobby giggled even harder at her side. Ivy just laughed and shook her head, looking at Sam for back-up.

‘Can you believe them?’

‘Ivy, I’ve been baffled by these two since the day they became friends,’ he replied with a playful smile and Bobby and Jessica let out half-hearted sounds of protest.

 

 

Bobby and Jessica were still laughing and joking when Ivy spotted Dennis behind them, appearing from the wings, a distant expression on his face.

‘Hey Dennis,’ she called over to him. ‘Come, sit,’ she smiled, shuffling closer to Sam to make a space for him. Dennis offered her a half-hearted smile, sitting down slowly. ‘Something wrong?’ she asked gently. Dennis was aware that most eyes were now on him, but it was Bobby and Jessica’s gazes he was most aware of. Neither of them had spoken to  him much in the days immediately after his and Bobby’s break-up, but he realised that was more through his own avoidance than theirs. In fact, very little was different about their interactions than from back before he and Bobby had kissed. Although he knew there was a certain disappointment there. They didn’t make as much of an effort to include him anymore, and when they looked at him there was always a sadness there. Especially in Bobby’s eyes. Dennis knew he’d screwed up something good, but he wasn’t sure how to fix it. And he wasn’t sure that the information he was about to share would help with that – if anything, he worried that it might make it worse, make it seem like he was running away.

 

‘You ok, Bambi?’ Bobby’s voice was surprisingly gentle, and for that reason Dennis knew he couldn’t look him in the eye.

‘You remember that audition I did before we left?’ he asked. The very corner of Bobby’s lips twitched briefly, curving up in the smallest hint of a smile.

‘I remember,’ he said softly. Oh, he remembered. It was the day before they left for Boston. Bobby had told him he should still go to the audition; ‘Rebecca could easily kill off Bombshell just by opening her mouth. Besides, you know as well as I do; you never know in this business’. He’d waited outside the audition room afterwards, and had asked Dennis how it went, kissing him when he worried and buying him ice-cream. They’d walked around the city together talking for hours, eventually falling asleep on Bobby’s couch watching reruns of bad sitcoms and laughing more than perhaps they should have done. Jessica picked up on the wistful note in Bobby’s voice immediately and she glanced across at him with a sympathetic smile; Dennis suspected Bobby had told her all about that day.

 ‘Well...I actually got it.’ Beside him Dennis was vaguely away of Ivy smiling at him and nudging his shoulder excitedly.

‘What was it for?!’ she asked and Dennis smiled slightly shyly.

‘Wicked. I mean, it’s just ensemble but...the guy they had understudying Fiyero is leaving and they’ve offered me his place.’

‘Oh my God, Dennis!’ Jessica squealed and Dennis laughed slightly as Ivy smacked him on the arm.

‘How could you keep this from me?!’ she demanded.

‘I only found out yesterday! And I mean...I wanted to think about it before I said anything because...I wasn’t sure if I was going to take it or not.’ He flicked a glance at Bobby, who quickly looked down at his hands. Jessica caught the look and her shoulders sagged slightly, but Ivy remained oblivious, too busy telling him off for his indecision.

‘Dennis, it’s Wicked! It’s like...the biggest show on Broadway!’ She shook her head. ‘I had the best time when I was there. And you’d be _first understudy_!’

‘Technically I’m committed to Bombshell if it transfers,’ he pointed out but Ivy rolled her eyes at him.

‘Please. If Bombshell moves or not; you need to take this!’

‘When would they need you?’ Bobby spoke up and Dennis looked over at him, meeting his brown eyes and hoping Bobby saw the unspoken apology there.

‘Rehearsal would start in two weeks.’ Bobby nodded.

‘That’s fast,’ he murmured.

‘You should still take it though,’ Jessica put in gently, leaning her head on Bobby’s shoulder.

‘I know,’ Dennis admitted, looking down and shifting awkwardly. ‘That’s why I already told Derek and Eileen that I’m taking it. They said I’m free to leave as soon as we get back to New York. As of tonight...I’m kind of...out.’

 

 

 

***

 

_‘Congrats, Bambi.’ Dennis turned to see Bobby standing in the doorway, his bag over his shoulder and his jacket already on. He smiled shyly. ‘No, seriously. I’m happy for you. For real.’ He shrugged. ‘You’re a good person, Dennis. And you’re an even better dancer. You deserve this. All those Wicked fangirls are gonna love you. And hey, this way, at least I get to be the official hottest member of the Bombshell ensemble, right? I mean, it’s not Tony-recognised but, whatever. It’s probably just a matter of time.’ He pushed off the doorframe and took a step back. ‘See you around, Strawberries. And...you know...good luck.’_

***

 

 

Bobby sighed as he scrolled through his messages, bored, placid and strangely content. Jessica was asleep on his lap, her head resting on his shoulder and her breathing tickling the hairs on his neck. He absent-mindedly dropped a kiss to the top of her head, hardly noticing he was doing it, and Jessica stirred slightly, mumbling something incoherent into his skin before curling a hand into the fabric of his shirt and settling down once more. The atmosphere on the train was subdued, with everyone exhausted and more than a little sorry to see the end of their Boston adventure; the show had given them all hell at times, but that had bonded them, made them feel as though they had survived something together which only members of their group would ever understand. Jessica, however, had more reason to be exhausted than most, having spent half the night sitting up with Bobby, throwing popcorn in his mouth (with varying degrees of success) and then badgering him for more details on his emotional state. At one point she had reached over and paused his iPod mid-song, putting both her hands on his shoulders and looking him in the eye with great seriousness; ‘But are you sure you’re fine though?’. Bobby had had to laugh. He’d cupped her face in his hands and promised her he was ok and she’d kissed his nose and put the music back on before continuing with their increasingly absurd game of ‘Fuck, Marry, Kill’. It had been at least 4am by the time she’d finally let out a yawn and curled herself neatly into his side. ‘Sweet Dreams, Glitter Bug,’ Bobby had whispered, wrapping an arm around her and closing his eyes. She’d let out a half-laugh before she drifted off to sleep.

‘How do you do it?’ Bobby glanced up from his phone at the sound of Ivy’s voice. She’d been sitting opposite him since the start of the journey, idly flicking through a magazine, and Bobby had been so lost inside his own thoughts that he’d almost forgotten she was there. With Jessica sleeping on his lap and his phone in his hand, he actually felt more or less like he was just at home on a Sunday afternoon.

‘How do I do what, exactly?’ Ivy tilted her head, looking at him thoughtfully.

‘Keep going,’ she said softly at last. Bobby smiled quietly back at her then, his brown eyes sharp yet sad. He shrugged slightly, resting his chin on his hand, his gaze locking with Ivy’s.

‘The same way you do.’ Ivy frowned, clearly puzzled, and Bobby chuckled softly at her expression, flicking his dark hair from his eyes and leaning back once more. ‘I make sure I have the most amazing friends,’ he explained and Ivy smirked. ‘Seriously. Come on, Ivy, you know what it’s like. We’re both good at putting on a show, right? But what show runs smoothly without a good cast?’

‘So Jess is your star?’

‘No. I’m my star. Jess is better than that; she’s my ensemble.’ Bobby pressed a kiss to Jessica’s head and she sighed in her sleep. ‘She’s family.’

 

 

***

 

_‘The girl in the frame? She’s cute as a bug, right? Yeah. She’s uh...she’s the girl who shouted my lines up to me from the orchestra pit the night I forgot how to sing. I mean, she tried mime first but...yeah...she got me through two acts and an encore...and then she got me through everything else that came after it.’_


	6. The Ones We Gave To Strangers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is loosely running through from the beginning of On Broadway to the end of The Dramaturg, and it finally has everyone's stories starting to tie into each other's more - Tom misses out, but Ana finally arrives and Kyle also finally gets more time too. This chapter includes some sort-of Bobby/Dennis, some Kyle/Bobby and of course Bobby's friendships with Ivy, Karen and, as ever, Jessica.

 

_‘You know, I once met the sweetest guy who ever lived? Yeah. It’s true. And me and him...we had some conversations which I never told anyone about. Not even my best friend.’ Bobby looked down with a sad smile. ‘There are whole nights of my life which I gave to him and he gave to me and nobody will ever know the things we said because...because he’s gone now...and I’m not telling.’ Bobby’s brown eyes shone with secrets as he swallowed hard. ‘Sometimes the story is in the story we don’t tell, or maybe in the story of the stranger we lived it with.’ He squeezed his eyes tight shut for a moment. ‘And maybe me and him could’ve fallen in love, or maybe it would’ve just been a disaster. Maybe it was always going to be those few nights and nothing else. It’s not really important now, I don’t think. Because the fact is...I once met the sweetest guy who ever lived. Don’t you think that’s story enough?’ A shrug and a deep breath. ‘Anyway, the point is...his name was Kyle. And this next song is one that I wanted to sing for him.’_

***

 

 

‘Boring...boring...credit card bill...rent...boring...oo, something from your parents!’ Jessica followed Bobby in through his front door, inspecting the stack of mail which had amassed in his absence. He’d agreed to let her dump her bags at his place so that she didn’t have to make it all the way across town and back in time for the cast meeting later that afternoon and she was well used to abusing his hospitality by now. Bobby heaved both their suitcases into the middle of the room and turned around to shoot Jessica a withering look over his shoulder.

‘God, Jess, get your own life already,’ he said, rolling his eyes, but Jessica caught the slight upturning of the corner of his mouth and responded by sticking her tongue out at him before tearing eagerly into the package Bobby’s parents had sent him. ‘Urgh, I give up,’ Bobby sighed, smirking at her fondly as he moved over to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from his fridge. ‘It’s probably just some old photos. They found them when they were clearing out the loft and wanted to know if I wanted any...they’ve been threatening to send them ever since,’ he said, sitting up on the kitchen counter.

 

As Bobby watched from across the room, Jessica eagerly pulled a stack of photographs from the package in her hands, a grin spreading across her face as she looked down at them.

‘Aw, Baby Bobby!’ she cooed, holding up a photograph of a chubby two-year-old with ridiculously rosy cheeks and a cockatoo-like tuft of black hair. Bobby’s expression was pained and Jessica laughed wickedly, shuffling through more of the pictures. Bobby as a toddler pouting in his mother’s sunglasses, as a sassy five-year-old with a hand on his hip and his hair in his eyes, a seven-year-old surrounded by cousins with all eyes on him even then. There were several shots of somebody’s birthday party; a young Bobby in a party hat, blowing bubbles, cake all over his face. One or two school plays. A teenaged Bobby with his hair cut shorter than Jessica had ever seen it, squinting in the sunlight outside the family home. High school group-shots and the obligatory family Christmases in bad sweaters. And then...well, nothing. New York Bobby wasn’t even hinted at and as she scanned back through the pictures, Jessica frowned. She glanced up at Bobby, who shrugged and gave her a wry smile.

‘Hey, you know what my parents are like,’ he said quietly, looking down. ‘They never really got the whole theatre thing. I mean, they tried but...’ he started to bite his lip and Jessica barely managed to resist the temptation to go over there and give him a hug. ‘They hate New York, so, you know, they stopped coming to my shows as soon as the novelty of me being on Broadway wore off.’ Bobby began playing with the cap on his water bottle and Jessica crossed the room to join him, heaving herself up to sit next to him on the counter. ‘I think they think I’m just ‘settling’ or whatever. To them I’m still ‘just’ a chorus boy, when they figured I’d be front and centre by now...like, if I had to go down this path why couldn’t I have at least picked something other than the ensemble? Apparently there’s only so many times you can watch your kid perform a lift and exit stage-left before you get bored.’ Jessica rested her head on his shoulder and sighed.

‘You know they don’t mean it to come off that way, Bobby. They adore you – they just don’t understand how tough a place Broadway is.’ She nudged him gently. ‘If they knew the reputation you had in this town, they’d be here for every show.’

 

Jessica had only met Bobby’s parents a handful of times – they avoided New York like Bobby avoided early mornings – but still Jessica knew how much they treasured their son. And Bobby, for his part, loved them dearly too. The problem lay in the fact that Bobby’s world was alien to them – his encyclopaedic knowledge of all things Broadway and his hard-earned reputation as one of the best chorus boys in town was something they couldn’t quite picture as a career, assuming that Bobby’s Broadway dreams as a kid had all involved Tony awards and his name up in lights. To their credit, even though the world of the theatre had always been a foreign concept to them, they had still encouraged Bobby blindly; laughed and fawned over their outrageous son putting on shows in the front room aged four, turned up to all the school plays, swelled with pride when the neighbours called him ‘eccentric’. But no amount of pride could make them understand just how hard Bobby worked at being a chorus boy. To them all Bobby did with his life was lift pretty girls in the air and shift scenery – and not coming to New York meant they never got to see what Jessica saw; Bobby in rehearsal, his hair sticking to his face and his eyes fierce and alive with joy as he flicked that switch inside of himself and _performed_. They never heard it when the casting directors said ‘You’ll need someone like him to get this show off the ground’ or the Broadway giants like Derek picked him out as someone to be trusted to get any extra learning done in time. And yet Bobby didn’t know how to explain what a big deal that was, and so it all went unsaid, leaving Bobby a little despondent and needing Jessica to reassure him. She nudged her shoulder against his and smiled up at him, meeting his eyes. ‘Look, they’re your parents, Bobby. They’re supposed to not get it,’ she said. ‘And for everything else? You’ve got me.’ Bobby smiled back at her, nudging her shoulder right back and kissing her nose.

‘If you tell anyone about those photos I’ll kill you,’ he said, leaning his forehead against hers, and Jessica giggled, making sure to hold the photographs out of his reach.

‘Oh at least let me keep this one!’ she teased, waving the shot of chubby baby Bobby in the air and laughing as Bobby tried and failed to make a grab for it. ‘So _cute_!’ she added, her blue eyes glittering with amusement. Bobby grimaced, letting out a weary sigh.

‘I swear, the first two years of my life I was adorable, but when I turned three, I hit fabulous and never looked back. Never forget that, Jessica,’ he told her, his face serious but his eyes twinkling playfully, making Jessica laugh.

‘I love you so much sometimes,’ she said, shaking her head and Bobby smiled, pressing a quick kiss to his forehead.

‘Back atcha, Glitter Bug.’

 

Bobby jumped down from the counter then, surveying the room for a moment before scooping up his mail and beginning to tidy up. Jessica smiled as she watched him, kicking her legs absent-mindedly back and forth and biting back a laugh as he sulkily regarded her suitcase, still sitting in the middle of his room, evidently upsetting his sensibilities. He always liked his place to look magazine-ready – just the right amount of clutter scattered about, everything placed to look just the right balance; lived-in, intriguing but still immaculate. Jessica loved spending time there, in amidst the unique collection of belongings Bobby had amassed, the space just the right combination of mismatched and stylish, with plenty of spots to curl up in and be cozy, yet still always a good place for righteous laughter and late-night dancing. And there was always a story behind anything Bobby left on display; besides his poster for The Producers and the frame she had given him of the two of them, Bobby also had a pin-board filled up with ticket stubs, cards, pictures and notes, a lot of which Jessica recognised from days the two of them had spent together, as well as shows and projects he’d been involved in, even a few tickets for shows she’d done were up there, something which always touched her. On his fridge a choice selection of photographs poked out from behind magnets; him and his parents on some long-ago family holiday, with his friend Zak on their last day of high school, onstage with the other swings from The Producers as they struck various absurd poses and pulled faces on Bobby’s last day working there. Nothing about Bobby’s place was an accident. Chances are, whatever object or picture you picked up within the walls of his home, Bobby would be able to tell you something incredible or fantastical about its significance. He loved any chance he got to tell those stories – they were his favourites and he liked to keep reminders of them around him.

 

Jessica let out a contented sigh, joining in with Bobby’s humming without realising she was doing it, both of them instinctively harmonising, their performance growing in enthusiasm until the point where they both executed a perfect grand-finale dance routine, without even having to make eye contact. Bobby glanced back over his shoulder at Jessica and smirked.

‘We really need to get out more,’ he remarked and Jessica rolled her eyes.

‘More like we need to stop spending all our time with each other.’

‘It’s not our fault if other people can’t stand our perfection, Jess.’

‘Sure. Keep telling yourself that,’ Jessica laughed. She jumped down from the counter with a sigh. ‘So, are you ready to go, or do you need to vacuum and do laundry first?’ she asked, grinning playfully at Bobby’s half-hearted glower.

‘Hey, just coz you like living on the set of CSI: Broadway, doesn’t mean the rest of us have to. I mean God, Jess, you’re like something off those hoarder shows. Remind me how many half-used lipsticks you own?’ he shot back at her, a sly smirk on his lips as he fixed his bright brown eyes on her blue ones.

‘This is why I shouldn’t have let you have that second cup of coffee. You get catty when you’ve had too much caffeine.’

‘I’m worse without,’ Bobby pointed out with more of a grin than was necessary.

‘That’s true,’ Jessica conceded with a smirk, tilting her head to one side and regarding him out of the corner of her eye. ‘Speaking of which – are you going to play nicely with the other children today, Chorus Boy?’ Bobby pulled a face.

‘Hey, when the other children stop being bitches, then I’ll stop treating them like bitches,’ Bobby said bluntly, shrugging on his jacket. She simply shook her head and smiled.

 

She couldn’t blame Bobby for not being as willing to join in with the cast’s group fun of late. The fact was that things had changed in the cast of Bombshell; Karen and Ivy were in a worse place than they had ever been, worse even than at the workshop, and that put their mutual friends in an awkward position. Jessica herself felt terrible; she loved Ivy and she had seen what she’d been through over the past few months, but at the same time, she could see Karen’s side. To Jessica, Ivy had crossed a line in sleeping with Dev, something which, as much as she hated to admit it, Jessica knew had made her draw closer to Karen. Bobby’s moral code, however, worked differently. The way he saw it, Ivy had served her punishment; she missed out on Marilyn, things with Derek had disintegrated, everything had hit at once and, hollow and wounded, she’d shut herself in a dressing room with a fistful of pills. He didn’t understand why, after all of that, Ivy had to be forced to endure Karen’s cold shoulder as well. He just didn’t think she should have to put up with the filthy looks Karen sent across the wings or the knowing smiles every time Derek doted on her after a show. So Bobby chose to draw closer to Ivy, surrounding her with his protection in the way he reserved for his closest friends – something Ivy was clearly immensely grateful for, rewarding Bobby with more of her care than she had ever offered him before. When Jessica pressed him about it all, he told her it was simple; Karen had become everything she had accused Ivy of being back in the workshop days, taking on all those hard qualities she had been so quick to criticise Ivy for in the beginning. Ordinarily, he wouldn’t blame anyone for the odd backstage glare, but to him, it was just double standards on Karen’s part and he wouldn’t stand for it. And then, of course, Bobby’s first loyalty was always to the ensemble, it was just his instinct; Karen’s new-found air of superiority irked him, simple as that. Jessica tried to remind him that it was all just Karen’s take on a brave face, nut although Bobby accepted the point, he couldn’t help the fact his sympathy lay with Ivy, and after a few days, Jessica had stopped trying to convince him otherwise.

 

When they made it to the meeting, Bobby made a beeline for Ivy and Sam as soon as he got through the doors – a shriek of ‘Hey!’ echoing around the space and alerting everyone to his arrival. Jessica had to laugh as she watched people instinctively cluster around him; he always gave off the impression that something exciting was happening and if people didn’t listen to him they’d be missing out. It was strange to be watching set-apart from it though. Jessica was so used to being in the heart of that feeling, being able to look around and feel like she was sitting in the VIP section of a club everyone else was queuing to get into. It was jarring to suddenly be watching from a distance; there was a simultaneous longing to watch the spectacle and to stake her claim as this magical creature’s best friend. For a moment she stood by the doorway and just watched him go, a smile on her lips. Ivy’s weary, cautious expression was quickly being worn down into a laugh by his persistence, a quality of his which even the thickest-skinned individual was not immune to. As Jessica regarded him, she realised how bright he was looking that day, an air of confidence and lightness about him, every step a bounce and every look a twinkling one. His hair was more unruly than usual, a hint of its natural waviness just visible – it was possible he was in need of a haircut, given that it was falling across his eyes in a dark sweep, but Jessica quite liked the look on him. It made him seem fresh and open. Lively in a different way to his usual sharp-edged sparkiness. Bobby was a city-boy – a New York city-boy – and being back amidst the hubbub of New York was clearly doing him good.

 

‘Remember when he used to talk to me like that?’ a voice came from behind Jessica and she turned in surprise, glancing up to see Karen leaning on the doorframe, watching Bobby talking to Ivy with an expression which was almost wistful. Jessica hadn’t realised just how attached to Bobby Karen had become – not that she was surprised. Karen had always got Bobby’s sense of humour, and surprisingly she was always happy to let him poke fun at her, even venturing to banter back with the odd quip of her own. ‘But then, even I hardly remember those days...now he’s just stopped talking to me at all,’ Karen added, pulling a face. Jessica folded her arms, giving Karen a disappointed look.

‘Bobby is _not_ not talking to you, Iowa,’ she said evenly. ‘He still likes you, he’s just hardly seen you these past couple of weeks. It’s not as if any of us get much chance to talk to you when you’re always off conspiring with Derek,’ she reminded Karen with a playful smile.

‘We’re not conspiring,’ Karen protested weakly, looking down at the ground, unable to meet Jessica’s sceptical look. ‘He was just...there for me when I needed him, that’s all.’

‘Bobby was there for you too, remember. And unlike Derek? He didn’t have ulterior motives,’ Jessica reminded her gently, arching an eyebrow. ‘Look, I know you’re not in the ensemble anymore, but you’re still one of us. This has nothing to do with your big break, Karen. We’re all happy for you, I swear. Just...make the time and Bobby will talk to you again. All he asks is that you don’t forget where you came from. Or who helped you out along the way.’ Karen nodded her head in acknowledgement and Jessica smiled, satisfied, turning slowly back to look at Bobby, tilting her head thoughtfully to one side. ‘But please, whatever you do? Don’t let on that you’ve missed him. I don’t think I could bear the ego-trip that information would put him on!’ she said with a mischievous grin.

 

 

***

 

 

_‘I miss him. I know he’s right there and I could just...talk to him and say sorry but...’ Jessica sighed and looked down at her hands, suddenly intensely interested in the chip in her nail polish. Ivy gave her a sympathetic smile. ‘You know, there was this one time...Bobby got sick. I mean couldn’t-get-out-of-bed ill. He was supposed to be on vocal rest but...well, you know what it’s like getting Bobby to shut up.’ Jessica glanced up and pulled a face, making Ivy laugh. ‘I spent a whole two weeks at his place just feeding him soup and watching musicals with him in bed.’ Jessica laughed softly tipping her head back and rolling her eyes. ‘He’s such a bad patient and all he does is whine but...I don’t know, you forgive him anything when he gives you one of his hugs, you know?’ She sniffed, brushing self-consciously at her eyes. ‘So anyway, he gets better and basically has to get straight onto a plane to go and join up with this out-of-town try-out he was involved with.’ She shook her head and let out another quiet laugh, looking down. ‘He was so excited to finally be outside again – he said to me; ‘Jess, I love you, but I need to see other people’ – he just thrives on company, you know? So he packed his bag, told me to call him every day, and then he was gone.’ Jessica sighed. ‘Two days later? I get sick. And when he calls me that night to let me know he got there safely, he just knows. Like, immediately, he knows that I’m not ok. I keep telling him I’m fine but...you can’t fool Bobby. And I was pretty rough. But I just didn’t want him to feel bad about it. Anyway, I get off the phone with him, go to bed...and when I wake up the next morning, guess who it was on my doorstep?’ She smiled, starting to fiddle with the small silver cat pendant on her necklace. ‘He’d literally dropped everything and come running just to come look after me...’ Jessica shook her head. ‘God, I am such an idiot. He’s my best friend in the whole world and I miss him so much – but I just don’t even know where to begin making this right. One stupid conversation and everything changes. And we might as well be strangers because...I just don’t know what to say to him anymore.’_

***

 

 

‘Stop looking at me like that!’ Ivy protested weakly as Bobby fixed his best ‘told you so’ gaze upon her. He simply rolled his eyes at her and flicked a glance across to where Karen, Jessica and the others were standing talking with Eileen.

‘Just don’t come crying to me when she booby-traps your dressing room,’ he sighed, folding his arms and leaning back slightly. ‘Or when you get cut from the chorus altogether,’ he added and Ivy’s face fell as she looked over at him in concern.

‘Please tell me you haven’t had a call from your agent yet...have you?’

‘No. But he hates phone conversations with me. He says I lack ‘focus’...but I don’t know whether he’s talking about my career or just my general attitude. I don’t really listen to him when he talks. He basically just insults me.’ Ivy laughed and shook her head at him. ‘But you should probably be warned; Jess heard this morning. She was basically the first person to be confirmed. Because everyone loves her. Even Karen.’

‘Bobby, you’re reading too much into this. It’s a song at a party – I’d have picked Jess to sing with me and you know it. And Beth and Joy are good too...’ Ivy reasoned. ‘Are you trying to tell me Jessica wouldn’t be _your_ first call?’ she smirked and Bobby pulled a face.

‘Shut up, of course she would be.’ He sighed. ‘Do you have any idea how hard it is when your best friend is as cute as her? It’s like trying to walk a Labrador puppy; everyone just keeps stopping me and wanting to pet her and scratch her behind the ears,’ Bobby pouted. Ivy shook her head at him, trying not to laugh.

‘Please, never describe me,’ she told him playfully and Bobby smirked.

‘Oh don’t even; everyone wants to be described by me: I tell the best stories. Anyway, you’re a diva – no-one could say anything to make you look bad.’

‘Oh, I don’t know, I bet Karen would give it a try,’ Ivy remarked, biting her lip. Bobby nudged her shoulder with his own.

‘Hey, she crosses the line and she’s dead to me. Promise. I’ve got your back, Ivy, you know?’ he said gently and Ivy glanced over to meet his gaze, a small smile tugging at her lips when she saw the intensity in his brown eyes.

‘I know. And don’t think I’m not grateful, Chorus Boy,’ she replied. Bobby winked at her and she rested her head on his shoulder. ‘Don’t tell but...I think you’re probably my favourite person,’ she murmured. Bobby smiled, looking down at her fondly. For a moment he was caught off-guard, but he recovered himself before Ivy could notice, flicking his hair from his face and glancing back over at Jessica.

‘You know, I hate to spoil the moment...but...I kind of already promised Jess that she could be mine,’ he said with a sly smile and Ivy laughed, giving him a shove. ‘What! I was just being honest!’ he smirked and Ivy just shook her head, smiling at him fondly and linking her arm through his. He leant his head on hers and sighed. ‘Did I ruin it?’ he asked softly and Ivy gave his arm a squeeze.

‘No. If you changed you wouldn’t be you. And I like you how you are.’ She looked down, biting her lip again and shuffling her feet. ‘I mean it, Bobby. What happened in Boston...’ she trailed off and Bobby turned sharply, placing his hands on her shoulders and fixing her with a sympathetic look, immediately all-seriousness.

‘Hey, did something happen in Boston? Coz I don’t remember a thing,’ he said looking her in the eye with a conspiratorial smile. Ivy’s eyes shone up at him, full of gratitude, and she smiled too, leaning in.

‘Just...thank you, ok?’ she whispered. Bobby gave Ivy a small wink in response, pulling her back to him and squeezing her shoulders.

 

At that point Jessica bounded over, her sunny grin dazzling – she hadn’t stopped bouncing since Boston, still beaming impossibly wide even when she was half-asleep with Bobby tugging her behind him all the way away to the station. For Bobby, he couldn’t help but revert to his natural setting of scepticism – he took a frank and honest view of the world when it came down to it. But Jessica was so different to him – and instead of that making him bristle, it only made him love her more. He couldn’t do anything but smile when he saw her skipping up to join him and Ivy by the door; the world had often let Jessica down, but you’d never know it to look at her. Bobby was always in awe of her faith, her natural inclination to keep believing and to do it with a smile. It wasn’t that Jessica was dishonest about the world – she was just honest in a different way to him. Where he would weigh up the odds and tell the brutal truth that the world was big bad place, Jessica would simply be true to what she believed in, and what she believed in was that there was an innate goodness in all things and that everything would come right in the end.

‘I get to sing at the party!’ Jessica beamed and Ivy offered her a small smile.

‘That’s great, Jess. You’ll do great,’ she said softly and Jessica looked over at her, her blue eyes warm and shining with sympathy.

‘Sorry, Ivy...I’m just excited that’s all.’

‘It’s fine. You deserve it,’ Ivy shrugged. Bobby took a step towards his best friend then, slinging an arm over her shoulders and squeezing her close.

‘I hate that you’re so precious, just so you know,’ he sighed, pressing a kiss into Jessica’s hair. ‘I’m always having to share you,’ he added, pouting playfully as he rested his head against hers. Jessica laughed, wrapping her arms around his waist.

‘You’re such a dork,’ she murmured, squeezing him tightly before glancing across at Ivy. ‘Hey, you want to hang out with us today? We’re going shopping with all the money we don’t actually have,’ she offered.

‘In other words; Jess is going to try on five hundred dresses before buying the first one she saw, and I’m going to go with her and carry the bags. But hey – it might take your mind off things?’ Bobby put in, his thin lips twisting into a wry smile.

‘Take your mind off what? What’s wrong?’ Jessica frowned and Ivy sighed.

‘Bobby thinks Karen is plotting my downfall.’ Jessica bit her lip and looked down.

‘Oh. Yeah...we should shop,’ she nodded and Bobby smirked.

‘See – even Little Miss Sunshine reckons you need to watch your back,’ he pointed out and Ivy shook her head at him, trying not to laugh.

‘Will you quit it? I’m going to be there when this show reaches Broadway. Whatever it takes,’ she replied. ‘Anyway, thank you for the offer, but I’m going out with Sam,’ she added with a shrug. ‘I’ll see you at the party tomorrow, though. Join me for drinks? There’s a chance I’m gonna need ‘em,’ she sighed, beginning to move away.

‘See ya. Wouldn’t wanna be ya,’ Bobby called after her, getting a shove from Jessica for his troubles. Ivy turned to shoot him a withering look, but she could barely hold in her laugh and Bobby expressed no shame, even as Jessica smacked his arm.

‘You can’t say that!’

‘Why not? It’s the truth. Would you want to be on the other end of Karen’s wrath right now?’

‘Hey, Karen’s your friend too.’

‘Yeah, and I never said I wasn’t impressed she had it in her to be that much of a bitch,’ Bobby replied with a wicked smile and Jessica tried her best to shoot him a reprimanding look. Bobby shrugged. ‘What? She knows I’m blunt with my friends, she’ll get over it.’

‘Yeah – you’re blunt with your friends. And everyone else who crosses your path,’ Jessica said with a laugh, prodding him in the side and rolling her eyes fondly. ‘What did I do to deserve you?’ she smirked.

‘I know, right? I’m a prize,’ he shot back with a grin.

 

It was nice to be back to just the two of them. Well, the two of them and all of New York. The problem with tech and previews and out-of-town try-outs was that everyone was tightly packed and the energy was frenetic and it was next to impossible to just be lazy and stupid. Bobby always craved the feeling of being in New York; the way he could simultaneously be at home but still be in the centre of everything. They’d been out all afternoon and he could feel the energy of the city settling over his skin and he liked it. He sighed to himself, watching Jessica as she twirled back and forth in front of another shop mirror, trying on a tenth possible party dress. She looked beautiful in anything, but he knew she wasn’t happy. He knew Jessica well – frighteningly well. This was the part of being together which he’d missed in Boston; the part where they just co-existed in silence, going about their lives, completely aware of each other and connected but still somehow disconnected too. It was something which always happened to them when they were left without interruption from outside forces; they would just sync up unprompted. The two of them knew each other so well that they could conduct entire conversations across the auditorium of a Broadway theatre without a single word being spoken.  In the small space of the shop, Bobby could practically hear Jessica’s thoughts rattling round in his own head and he couldn’t help but roll his eyes as she stopped twirling and stood, staring discontentedly at the mirror, biting her lip. ‘Jess, just buy the first dress you tried on. We both know you’re in love already,’ he sighed and Jessica glanced over her shoulder at him, her brow furrowed.

‘Are you sure I shouldn’t keep looking?’ she asked and Bobby smiled at her, leaning back and shaking his head at her.

‘You look beautiful in everything, Jess,’ he said softly. Jessica continued to stare at him plaintively and he laughed. ‘Seriously. Get the first one. We both know if you don ‘t buy it you’ll be up all night imagining yourself dancing round in it and wishing you’d listened to me. Try it on one more time if it’ll make you feel better but for God’s sake buy it after, ok?’ he added and Jessica tilted her head to one side in acknowledgement, smiling brightly.

‘Thank you,’ she said, hopping up onto her tiptoes to give his cheek a peck and Bobby just smirked, watching her spin on her heel and head back into the changing room.

 

She re-emerged two minutes later, the first dress back on, her blue eyes glittery and giddy. ‘How did I function before you?’ she asked happily, twirling in front of the mirror once more, this time with a smile filling up every corner of her face.

‘I ask myself that question every day,’ Bobby sighed playfully, widening his eyes for dramatic effect. But instead of smacking him and telling him off like she normally would, Jessica simply turned to look at him, her head on one side, her expression suddenly thoughtful. ‘What?’ Bobby frowned.

‘Nothing I just...do you ever think how weird it is that we ended up friends?’ Jessica laughed when she saw Bobby’s confused expression, crossing over to him and wrapping her arms around his neck. ‘I mean, we were just two total strangers who happened to do a one-night-only show together. What if I had been too drunk to give you my number correctly that night? Or too hungover to pick up when you called?’ She leant back to look Bobby in the eyes. ‘What if you’d been called back to Hairspray last minute – or if you hadn’t even had that week off at all. There’s so many ways we could not even remember each other right now. But instead you’re here picking dresses for me. I just think it’s pretty random, that’s all.’ Bobby kissed her nose and flashed her one of those smiles of his that made her feel like she was being let in on some sort of magic trick.

‘No way would we just be strangers, Jess. Not unless we were like...special strangers with a tonne of memories,’ he insisted in a whisper. Jessica smiled up at him gratefully and he leant his forehead against hers. ‘You wanna know what I think?’

‘Well, duh! That’s why I asked you the question you dork,’ Jessica laughed.

‘Even if I hadn’t gotten your number or you hadn’t picked up your phone, even if I’d been called back to Hairspray last minute or whatever...I know I’d still be talking about how I met this cute little pixie-girl one time and how much she made me smile. I’d be all ‘Hey, Zak, guess what – I met the sweetest girl in the world last night and we had the most amazing time. How crazy is that?’ And, even if I never saw you again, the stuff we talked about that night? I’d remember it. We’d have changed each other’s lives, one way or the other. That night was a great story, Jess. It was always gonna be, whether we kept making more stories from it or not.’ Jessica smiled up at him incredulously, shaking her head slightly, her blue eyes shining as they looked deep into Bobby’s brown ones. Bobby simply scrunched his face up slightly, narrowing his eyes into a conspiratorial almost-wink before he suddenly leant back and grabbed her hand, twirling her gracefully. ‘And for the record? This is _so_ the dress.’

 

 

***

 

_‘Oh my God, keep your wig on, it’s not even the half-hour yet.’ Bobby rolled his eyes and pulled his leg up to his chest, resting his chin on his knee. ‘So anyway, I’m there, I’m fierce, I’m in the moment...and this girl comes along. And I swear to you – she’s like, the cutest thing you’ve ever seen. I mean, seriously. This girl should not even be legal. So I just go up to her and I tell her; you, me, best friends from now, it makes sense, come do shots with me. And don’t look at me like that Alex coz I’m not introducing you to her coz she is too good for you.’ Bobby flicked a glance at his phone. ‘She’s coming to the show today – Jackie owed me a favour so I got her front row. Her name’s Jess and she’s an angel and if any of you idiots mess with her I’m gonna throw you in the orchestra pit and that’s all you need to know.’ He smiled, widening his eyes before looking down. ‘There’s totally a story there if you look hard enough; I met the most adorable girl on the planet and she’s coming to my show. I don’t see why I should have to say anything else but that.’_

***

 

‘Jess, get your foot out of my face!’ Bobby complained. He rolled over, squinting against the morning sunshine as he poked his head out from under the covers. Jessica wriggled around for a moment, twisting so that she could smile innocently up at him. They were top-to-tail on his bed; a bright idea of Jessica’s at three in the morning when it seemed pointless for her to bother going back to her own place since her suitcase was already at his. Her pigtails were fluffy and tangled from a night of sleep, but her blue eyes were wide and sparkling as she stretched out, all the grace of a dancer but all the care of toddler as her limbs once more invaded Bobby’s personal space.

‘I get to perform at a party tonight!’ Jessica half-sang. Bobby fixed her with his darkest look.

‘Yeah, as Karen’s back-up singer,’ he reminded her, yawning and running his fingers through his fringe before letting his head thud back against the pillows.

‘Don’t spoil this for me, Grumpy Guts. You get to come to the party too; there’ll probably be cocktails...’ she smiled mischievously, struggling out from under the covers and crawling up the bed to lie next to Bobby. He’d managed to pull the covers up to his eyes, leaving only the very top of his head visible, a matted mess of dark hair fanning up in a messy tuft that stuck out above the sheets. ‘Don’t even pretend you’re not excited that you get to be back on Broadway soon,’ she added, poking and prodding at the covers, trying to find Bobby’s ticklish spot; she knew the exact point on his ribs where she could make him squirm, could even tell you the exact freckle to aim for to make him laugh the hardest.

‘You can’t tickle the enthusiasm out of me, Blondie, so quit trying,’ Bobby mumbled, wriggling away from Jessica and aiming a kick in her direction, but Jessica knew him too well and had already read the smile in his eyes.

‘I’m never going to quit trying, Chorus Boy!’ she beamed, pulling the covers off him and grabbing both of his hands. She stood on the bed, hopping her way backwards and jumping down to the floor, pulling Bobby slowly to his feet as she went. ‘Now let’s make pancakes! I don’t have to leave for rehearsal for another hour and I know you always have pancake mix in the cupboard.’

 

Bobby knew that Jessica attempting to cook would often end in something exploding or something burning – and one memorable time she had truly surpassed herself when an attempt at baking cupcakes had ended with both – but he was hungry and in need of a sugar-rush, so he let Jessica tug him towards the kitchen without protest. ‘I can’t reach in your cupboards!’ she complained, pouting at him sweetly, and Bobby smirked, rolling his eyes and feigning a put-upon sigh. Before Jessica could protest, Bobby had come up behind her, lifting her up with ease – a skill which came of being an experienced Broadway chorus boy, used to having to scoop up dainty chorus girls in a single note. Jessica laughed, throwing her head back and trying to kick him, but Bobby’s arms were strong and he looked far too pleased with himself for remorse. ‘You’re ridiculous,’ she told him, grabbing the pancake mix and rolling her eyes.

‘You said you wanted pancakes,’ Bobby replied all innocence, brown eyes glinting mischievously as he set her down on the counter and took the box from her hand. ‘See; step one, retrieve the pancake mix from the cupboard. I don’t know what you’re complaining about.’ Jessica stuck her tongue out at him, but he simply winked at her, offering her one of his rare, sweet smiles as he moved away to start getting out everything they were going to need.

 

Jessica swung her legs back and forth as she sat up on the counter and helped Bobby work. She knew that he was aware of the mess she was making of his kitchen, but he passed no comment, keeping up their idle conversation without even attempting to clear up around her. She was the only person Bobby ever allowed to mess up his personal space; for someone so bold and open, he valued the privacy of his home and was careful who he shared it with. Flicking a glance around the place, she couldn’t help but wonder if he’d spent much time here with Dennis. Normally between the two of them no question was too intimate and no topic off limits. There wasn’t a thing one didn’t know about the other, and there certainly wasn’t a crisis one had been through without the other’s help. But for some reason Jessica couldn’t bring herself to ask him too much about Dennis and about what Bobby may or may not have allowed Dennis to see. If she was really honest with herself, she knew it was a sliver of jealousy which really prevented her from asking the question aloud, because she  knew that even that small a hint of jealousy would be detectable in her voice; Bobby knew her too well to miss that kind of a clue, and she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted him to know she was capable of being so irrational as to be jealous of one of his exes. It was the first time the problem had ever arisen, because all of Bobby’s previous boyfriends had started from a point of being strangers, meaning she’d always had the upper, always been confident she was still the one who knew Bobby the best and who was allowed to be the closest to him. But with Dennis, he’d known Bobby almost as long as she had. Surely Bobby would’ve let him in more? Would Bobby have let Dennis mess up his kitchen and leave his things all over the floor? Or was that privilege always hers, as his best friend who knew everything about him and never judged? ‘Hey, where are you right now, Glitter Bug?’ Bobby’s voice made Jessica jump and looked back over at him, forcing out her sunniest smile.

‘Nowhere. I was just...promise me we’ll always be like this? I mean like...best friends who make breakfast together and tell each other everything?’ Bobby narrowed his eyes at her, clearly curious as to where the sentiment was stemming from, and for a moment she thought he was onto her. But then his thin lips twisted into an amused smile and he put down the plates he was holding, pulling himself up to sit next to her on the small counter space.

‘That’s why they call it best friends _forever_ , Blondie. You’re basically stuck with me.’ He nudged her shoulder against her own and she looked up into his face sceptically.

‘Even when we both have amazing boyfriends and jobs with massive, hit Broadway shows?’ she asked and Bobby laughed.

‘Promise,’ he said. He kissed her forehead and she relaxed a little, nodding and giving him a smile, her blue eyes brightening instantly. ‘Now get your butt off my kitchen counter, Blondie. There’s pancakes to eat and a party to prep for – and honestly? Your chaos all over my kitchen? It’s giving me a headache.’ Jessica laughed at Bobby’s mischievous smile and elbowed him in the side.

‘You live for my chaos, don’t even lie.’ Bobby winked at her and then jumped down from the counter, handing her their plates before turning his back to her. Jessica let out a squeak of excitement when she realised what he was doing and she pushed herself to the edge of the counter. ‘You’re the best friend on the planet, Chorus Boy,’ she said, balancing the plates carefully as she wrapped her arms around his neck, and Bobby grabbed her legs, giving her a piggy-back all the way over to his couch.

‘Remember that next time you’re telling me to shut up,’ he replied, and Jessica could just see his lips curving up into a smile.

 

As Bobby flopped down onto the couch, Jessica scooted closer to him, crossing her legs.

‘So, I’ve been meaning to tell you; I was talking with Beth yesterday, and she was telling me all about this friend of a friend she was going to meet up with later. Anyway, long story short; guess who has _finally_ made it back to Broadway?’ Jessica’s blue eyes were wide and excited as she looked over at Bobby, who was narrowing his eyes in thought as he picked at his food.

‘Ok, I give up,’ he huffed, putting his plate down and looking over at her. ‘Who do we even know who’s been out of New York for more than a few months?’ He screwed up his face in distaste and Jessica rolled her eyes at him, laughing softly.

‘Think stage rigging and my Guys And Dolls days.’ Bobby winced, falling back against the couch cushions and letting out a loud moan of protest.

‘Jessica, no. Jake? Seriously?!’ he groaned, closing his eyes. Jessica sighed and kicked him in the side.

‘Don’t be like that.’

‘Jess, why do you even care what he does with his life? Even when you were together he didn’t care about you,’ Bobby said, opening his eyes to fix an all-seeing stare on his friend. She looked down at her plate and shifted uncomfortably, unable to meet that gaze of his. Because, although she knew he was probably right, she didn’t want him to be. Bobby had always been a lot angrier at Jake over his bad-boy ways than Jessica ever had. She couldn’t help it; she really had loved him, and a small part of her still did. Even though she knew he wasn’t the best person in the world, she’d still cared about him and she’d never been entirely convinced that Bobby had given him a fair chance.

‘I can’t help that I care, Bobby. I was with him long before you even met me...we actually used to be good together.’

‘Yeah, maybe. When you actually were _together_. But come on, Jess, you broke up every five minutes! And even then he cheated. like...all the time.’

‘But you don’t know him like I do.’

‘I know enough, Jess.’

‘You never gave him a chance, Bobby! We were going through a rough patch when you met me, that’s not a fair way of judging it.’

‘I still saw the way he treated you, Jess. And I’ve always known you’re better than that.’ Jessica rolled her eyes but Bobby ignored her. ‘You shouldn’t waste your time on him. He’s so not worth it.’ He fixed his steady gaze on her, but Jessica didn’t look up, staring down at her plate determinedly, a pout on her lips.

‘Since when was it up to you to decide anyway?’ she asked. Bobby pulled a face, also looking away, his eyes turning downwards.

‘I don’t I guess.’ He shrugged awkwardly. ‘But are you seriously telling me you’ve never judged any of my boyfriends?’ He looked over at her then, arching an eyebrow. ‘You never once warned Dennis that he was expected not to hurt me? Never told Kurt he was a jerk for the way he broke up with me?’

‘That was different!’

‘Yeah; Kurt actually had his reasons for turning on me the way he did. Jake was just a jerk to you for no reason.’

‘Well at least he was willing to have a serious relationship with me – how many of your ‘boyfriends’ have actually been anything more than a fling?’ Jessica shot back. Pain flickered across Bobby’s face and Jessica felt a stab of guilt in the centre of her chest. Her mouth moved to apologise, but Bobby was already looking away from her. ‘Look, Bobby, it’s not like any of this matters anyway. He’s back in town but he’s not beating down my door, begging for another chance, ok? He’s just...back. And maybe it’d be nice to catch up with him some time.’ She shrugged and sighed. ‘He meant something to me once and...I have missed him. I’m sorry that you don’t approve but...I can’t help it that I cared about him.’ Jessica pushed herself up from the couch and stepped over him, heading for the bedroom. ‘Look, he might not meet your high standards, but I can’t change my history just to suit your stories, Bobby.’ The bedroom door slammed behind her.

 

The two of them had only ever had one truly major falling out in the history of their friendship. The fight – and ensuing cold shoulder – had lasted thirty-four hours, and Bobby knew that because he’d counted. It had been agony. And the cause of the argument which started it all? Jake. Bobby had always disliked him. One of the first conversations the two of them had ever had had been about him. Jessica’s on-again off-again bad boy boyfriend who worked on Broadway as a backstage dogsbody, setting up theatre rigging and flirting with every chorus girl who crossed his path. But the more times she had gone back to him, the more Jessica had insisted to Bobby that Jake was more than his flaws. Even when he cheated on her, lied to her, called her horrible things and mocked her career, she always saw a goodness in him. It had driven Bobby mad – he didn’t mind having to pick up the pieces, because Jessica was his best friend and he would always be there for her, but he hated seeing her hurt. He couldn’t understand how Jake wasn’t torn apart by the fact he was the cause of that pain, and it was his firm belief that someone as bubbly and bright as his Jessica deserved someone who would treat her like a princess. Yet Jessica’s taste in men was far from the Prince Charming type, to Bobby’s eternal frustration. And even when the argument over Jake had ended, the issues had never really been laid to rest; it was forever a point of difference between them that Jessica refused to let her bad-boy exes go.  Bobby had never apologised for his opinion, and Jessica didn’t ask him to because she knew he never apologised for being honest with his thoughts. And in the end it hadn’t mattered; she and Jake had broken up by the end of that week and he had disappeared from New York altogether, almost without a trace. She had known that that break-up was the final one, because unlike all those times before, she never got any pleading texts or emails, and no phone calls full of apologies. Jake had left her, and New York, behind him. That had been the end of that. But him coming back? It had brought it all back up again. It was something Bobby had hoped would never happen – he knew all too well that Jake was not only Jessica’s weakness, but he was also the one chink in their friendship’s armour. He lasted five minutes, pouting on the couch with his arms folded, before he had to go and make peace with her.

 

Bobby knocked tentatively on the bedroom door, ignoring the ‘Go away’ which was shouted back at him, because Jessica was a sweetheart with a stubborn streak. They probably wouldn’t be best friends if she wasn’t at least a little bit feisty, but sometimes he regretted making friends with the one person in the world in whom he had met his match.

‘Ok, first off? That isn’t your bedroom, it’s mine; so if anyone’s gonna sulk in there? It’s going to be me,’ Bobby pointed out, shoving his hands in his pockets and straining to hear any signs of life on the other side of the door. ‘Second? We cannot be fighting over a guy that neither of us is even dating right now. That would just be ridiculous.’ He kicked lightly on the door and waited a beat. Slowly, the door opened a crack, Jessica’s face appearing in the gap. She was trying to keep her expression neutral, but he could see the light in her blue eyes and it made a small smile tug at the corners of his lips. ‘And third? I made you pancakes, so you can’t be mad at me today,’ he finished. Jessica’s expression cracked in an instant and she smiled up at him, tilting her head to one side.

‘You suck, you know that?’ she said and Bobby grinned unashamedly. ‘But you’re my best friend. And I’m not going to fight with you just coz you want the best for me,’ Jessica told him quietly and Bobby kissed her forehead before leaning back against the doorframe.

‘Ok. No more fighting.’

‘Deal.’

‘Now come on, Glitter Bug; you have a rehearsal to get to, and I promised Zak I’d go say hey when I got back to town.’

 

After rehearsal, Jessica had finally returned to her own place, having agreed to meet Bobby and Ivy at the party. As she got ready, Bobby provided her with a live, text-feed of a row between a couple who were sitting opposite him on the subway, adding in his own sharp-edged observations and making Jessica laugh more than she probably should have done. Bobby had an uncanny ability to get away with saying things which she wouldn’t tolerate from almost anyone else; she supposed it was easy to justify his smart mouth when you took into account how frank he was about it – it wasn’t as if he would have any scruples with telling these poor strangers exactly what he thought of their argument. In fact, she half wondered if he already had when she saw the wicked smirk on his lips when he finally greeted her outside the party later that night.

‘What did you do?’ she asked before he even had chance to call out ‘Hey’ to her.

‘Why do you always assume I did something?’ he countered and she hit him with her clutch, trying to suppress her laugh. ‘Ok, so I may have suggested to her that sleeping with his best friend at that wedding wasn’t such a good idea. But hey, we all screw up, right? I mean, I told her about Derek and the lobsters to try and make her feel better, but I don’t think she quite got why it was relevant...’ Bobby shrugged. Jessica, whose hand was over her mouth in the picture of shock, couldn’t help but laugh at his nonchalance, hitting him with her clutch one more time and resting her head on his shoulder.

‘You’re a terror,’ she sighed. Bobby simply smiled.

‘You look gorgeous by the way. You’ll be playing Marilyn by the end of the night if you’re not careful,’ he told her and Jessica smiled shyly, giving him a small shove.

‘Don’t stir the pot, you know I’m not after that part,’ she reprimanded him, but he grinned at her knowingly and she rolled her eyes. ‘I wouldn’t say no, but.. _so_ not why I’m here,’ she added. ‘Anyway, you don’t look so bad yourself, Handsome. You must have a pretty great best friend with pretty great taste in birthday presents, am I right?’ Bobby tried to suppress his smile and failed. He folded his arms and flicked his hair out of his face.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ he insisted. Jessica nodded sarcastically and Bobby shrugged. ‘It’s not an achievement buying me a jacket I like, Jess; you live in my head,’ he sighed, brown eyes all aglitter and his thin lips curling up into a smirk.

 

 

At that moment, the sound of heels hurrying up behind them caught their attention, and they turned in time to see Ivy hurrying towards them down the street.

‘Hey, guys, sorry I’m late. Today’s just been so hectic, I’ve hardly had time to sit down,’ she sighed. Jessica leant into Bobby’s side, smiling sympathetically at Ivy.

‘It’s ok, we get it,’ she shrugged.

‘So; you planned what you’re gonna say to Karen yet?’ Bobby asked, flicking his glance up and down Ivy’s body, one eyebrow raised in enquiry. As soon as rehearsal had ended, Ivy had poured her heart out to Jessica, whose main advice had been to talk to Bobby. It was advice she’d followed – because Broadway problem solving with Bobby was as entertaining as it was helpful – and the two of them had talked for a good half-hour. In the end Ivy had come to the conclusion that she and Karen had to have it out, one way or the other, and that the party could well be her last hope if she wanted to stay with the show. Jessica had been called for confirmation and the decision had been made, but still Ivy couldn’t help the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach at the idea of talking everything over.

‘I’m just going to wing it, I think. If I have to tell her about Boston...then so be it. She needs to know just how stupidly far we’ve both let this rivalry get,’ Ivy sighed. Jessica’s eyes were caring, but Bobby’s expression remained characteristically sceptical.

‘You know, I’m not sure she thinks it’s so stupid,’ he pointed out.

‘Can you blame her? I’ve been in this business years, and it took some smart-mouthed chorus boy putting me in my place before I got it,’ Ivy said with a wry smile. The corner of Bobby’s mouth twitched up slightly at that – an almost shy smile, if Ivy had to label it – but his eyes were downturned. ‘I’ve got to try, though. I have to know that I did all I could to stay with the show. If I go down, I want to go down fighting.’ Ivy nodded her head as though in confirmation of her own words and then turned determinedly towards the doors. ‘So come on, let’s get in there before I lose my nerve.’

‘Ivy Lynn lose her nerve? Never,’ Bobby grinned, linking his arm through hers.

 

***

 

_‘There is nothing fun about being forgotten. And it’s one of those things where I sort of hoped it would never happen to me. But it did once. So I sort of made it my mission to never be forgotten again. I don’t know if it’s working...I guess you’d have to ask my friends.’_

 

 

***

 

‘Good job Frank didn’t know about me and Dennis, his list of inter-cast disaster would’ve been even longer.’ Jessica jumped, turning to see Bobby slide up beside her and hand her a cocktail, his eyes on the scene in front of them. He took a sip of his own drink, barely able to hide his smirk, and Jessica let out a bewildered laugh, turning to watch as a mortified Julia hurried away after the retreating back of her husband. Ivy too had made herself scarce, whilst Michael Riedel greeted an uncomfortable-looking Karen.

‘I think he managed enough of a scene even without that information,’ she sighed. She bit her lip, flicking a sidelong glance at her best friend. ‘Giving Riedel gold like that? We’re doomed,’ she added. Bobby smirked.

‘Hey, it’s publicity,’ he grinned and Jessica laughed, elbowing him sharply, trying to smother her smile. ‘You reckon Eileen’s going to kill Derek now or wait ‘til after the party?’ he added mischievously and Jessica had to work even harder to bite back her laugh.

‘Actually, I haven’t seen her...think something’s happening?’

‘Urgh – with this show? Probably.’ Bobby rolled his eyes. ‘We couldn’t even make it through a workshop without drama. And this is Broadway; anything could’ve gone wrong in the last twenty-four hours. I’m just glad that for once it isn’t my fault.’ Jessica smiled sympathetically up at him then. Sometimes she wondered whether it was Bobby who chased drama, or if it was the drama which chased after him, because the fact was – whether he was directly responsible for it or not – nowhere Bobby went ever stayed calm for long.

‘There’s still time, Chorus Boy,’ she teased and Bobby shot her a playful glare.

‘I’m not going to sleep with Derek if that’s what you’re suggesting,’ he said and Jessica smiled, eyes dancing with amusement. ‘Unless he offers me a raise, then I’d consider it.’ He shrugged. ‘What can I say? I’m shameless.’

‘Dream on. Derek’s only got eyes for Karen these days.’ Jessica pulled a face. ‘It’s kind of creepy actually.’ Bobby laughed, leaning his head against hers and giving her shoulders a squeeze. For a moment the two of them stood and watched the people all slowly breaking off into smaller groups, whispering and flicking curious glances every which way. Karen had long-since disappeared and Tom had hurried off after Julia, but Sam could still be seen, hovering anxiously by the piano and looking tense. A strange atmosphere had settled over the room, as if everyone had simultaneously become aware that perhaps tonight wasn’t going to end the way it had been expected to. ‘Bobby – do you think I’m actually going to get to sing tonight or should I just not bother hoping?’ Jessica asked after a while. Bobby looked at her with an almost-pained expression, his nose wrinkled, his face scrunched up.

‘Honestly?’ he asked and Jessica tipped her head to look at him sternly.

‘Since when were you anything but honest?’ she asked, trying not to smile. Bobby tilted his head to one side and looked around the room, letting out a heavy sigh.

‘Ok, well...on the bright side; you look really pretty tonight,’ he said hopefully, looking back down at her with a caring smile. Jessica laughed and leant into his side.

‘I was afraid you were going to say that.’

 

It was getting late by the time the party began to wind down. Somehow the word was taking a while to spread that the show was as good as dead, but even so the people of New York were experienced enough to spot when a show was heading south, and they didn’t seem to care to stick around to find out the details. Karen supposed they were all safe in the knowledge that the blogs and gossip columns would fill them in the next day. Still, she retreated to the stairs just in case. She didn’t feel like pretending she was happy when her Broadway dreams were going up in smoke – but she didn’t feel like spilling her guts about it either. And as for dealing with Derek...well, it was a can of worms she couldn’t open right at that moment, not when her emotions were so shot already. She’d been sitting halfway down the stairs, staring into her half-empty glass for a good while when she heard it; a high-pitched shriek, some sort of singing, and a cackling laugh. Bobby mid-story was an unmistakeable thing and she couldn’t fight the smile which formed on her lips. As she turned round she wasn’t surprised to see Bobby and Jessica arm in arm, making their way down the stairs as Jessica laughed disbelievingly at Bobby, who was talking ten-to-the-dozen, all spark and animation.

‘For real! I didn’t know where to look! It was like the audition from hell. And all Zak could say about it was-IOWA!’ Bobby beamed, losing his train of thought the moment he spotted Karen in front of him.

‘Hey, guys,’ Karen smiled tiredly, shifting her position slightly as Bobby and Jessica made it down the last few steps, both of them immediately sitting themselves down either side of her.

‘From the look on your face, I’m guessing you heard about the show,’ Jessica remarked.

‘Yeah...but I didn’t realise anyone else had.’

‘Please; being with Bobby and his phone is like working in a newsroom just for Broadway,’ Jessica replied with a wry smile and roll of her eyes and Karen glanced over at Bobby with raised eyebrows.

‘I basically know people from every show...and gossip spreads fast in this town,’ he shrugged idly, his face impassive for a moment, until he met Karen’s eyes. His expression softened into sympathy and he offered her a gentle smile. ‘How’re you holding up?’ he asked softly. Karen sighed, looking down.

‘I don’t know...I’m fine, I guess. There’ll be other shows.’

‘Hey – it’s not over ‘til it’s over. For all we know this could just be a rumour; they spread like crazy in this town and no show is safe. Especially not ones which have been trouble from the start,’ Jessica pointed out but Karen gave her a sceptical look.

‘You really believe that, Jessica?’ she asked and Jessica pulled a face, looking away.

‘Maybe not. But still...we don’t know the facts yet.’

‘My agent’s going to hate me even more than he did already,’ Bobby whined and Karen laughed softly, hitting him on the arm.

‘My big break is over and you’re worried about getting an earful from your agent?!’ she reprimanded him, unable to hide the amusement from her voice.

‘Yes, I am. God, Iowa, the whole world doesn’t revolve around you,’ he shot back with an overdramatic sigh and a roll of his eyes and Karen gave him a half-hearted shove, still laughing as she shook her head at him.

‘No, the whole world clearly revolves around _you_!’ she said mockingly.

‘Exactly!’ Bobby grinned, letting out a wicked chuckle as Karen smacked him. ‘You want us to stick around, Iowa?’ he asked once the laughter subsided.

‘We were heading off for the night but...you know Bobby never says no to a drink,’ Jessica put in, nudging Karen’s shoulder with her own and offering her a warm smile.

‘Yeah – and _she_ never says no to me,’ Bobby added mischievously, getting a playful glare from Jessica in return. Karen smiled at the two of them, grateful for their sympathy. But it was no use; she wasn’t able to muster any enthusiasm for anything after the night she’d had.

‘It’s ok, guys. I think I just want to go home and sleep. And besides, the good thing about living with Ana? She gets it,’ she replied. She glanced over at Bobby then, tilting her head to one side. ‘You know, I think you’d like Ana. She’s kind of a smart-mouth like you...although...she’s definitely a lot less insane,’ she added with a smile.

‘I feel honoured and insulted all at once,’ Bobby shot back dryly, but his eyes were sparkling.

‘You should come over some time. It sounds like we’ll all be wanting to drown our sorrows pretty soon...and it’s ridiculous that you’ve known me all this time and never met my best friend.’

‘Ok – text us with a time and we’ll be there,’ Jessica nodded, looking at Bobby for confirmation. Bobby shrugged.

‘Hey, you said it yourself; I never say no to drinks,’ he said, flicking his hair out of his eyes and winking at Karen. ‘But if this new roommate of yours turns out to be anything less than fabulous, you owe me a refund,’ he told her and Karen laughed as she saw Jessica’s head drop into her hands in despair.

‘I’m so sorry. If I could control him, I would,’ she sighed, looking up from between her fingers at Bobby’s unashamed grin, trying not to smile.

 

 

***

 

_‘I swear, Bobby, have you ever seen a chorus boy get turned to dust by sheer willpower? Because that is what is going to happen to you if you do not get off the chair, put the Best Actress Tony down and stop singing. Right now!’_

***

 

Jimmy looked up at the sound of the door to the loft being pushed open. He was all ready to get up and start shouting at his friend for disappearing on him, but when he saw Kyle’s anxious face he softened slightly, trying to cool the anger which had built up over the day.

‘Dude, where’ve you been all day?’ he asked, unable to help the frown on his face. ‘You disappeared so fast after your shift I blinked and missed you.’ He pushed himself up on the couch to make room for Kyle to sit next to him, but Kyle seemed reluctant to come over, suddenly very interested in his feet.

‘I was meeting someone, that’s all,’ he muttered, shifting awkwardly. Jimmy frowned.

‘Meeting who?’ he asked. Kyle let out a long sigh, biting the inside of his cheek. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell Jimmy; he told Jimmy everything. But he didn’t know how to say it without making him mad. For whatever reason, Jimmy had decided he wanted nothing to do with Karen Cartwright, unless that something involved a bed and not very many clothes. Kyle screwed up his face in disgust at the thought, shuddering slightly before looking cautiously back at his best friend, who was still sitting staring up at him with those stormy eyes of his, murky and dangerous. He half-suspected that Jimmy knew, deep down, exactly where he’d been – because Jimmy knew him better than anyone, even if he didn’t always act like it.

‘Will you promise not to get mad at me?’ Kyle ventured, sitting on the arm of the couch. Jimmy just rolled his eyes.

‘Sure, whatever.’ Kyle swallowed hard and let himself slide off the arm of the chair and down onto the couch cushions, the whole time feeling Jimmy’s eyes on him.

‘Ok. Fine. Look, I went to meet Karen, ok?’

‘Kyle, what the hell?!’ Jimmy groaned but Kyle glared at him.

‘Hey, just because you’re only interested in her for the one thing she’s not going to give you does not mean I can’t be interested in being her friend.’ Jimmy clenched his jaw and Kyle could see the muscles in his cheek twitching. Anyone else and Jimmy would have gone off at them by now, justified or not. ‘Look, Jimmy; when I saw her in that show, she took my breath away. She’s a real life Broadway person with real life Broadway connections. She’s part of a world that I’ve wanted to be a part of _my whole life_. I’m not going to not be friends with her just because you think she’s uptight.’

 

Kyle pushed himself up off the couch, with every intention of heading for his bed so he could grab some time alone before the party that night. But Jimmy caught his arm and tugged him back to face him.

‘Look, I never said you couldn’t talk to her – I just don’t get why you think we need her help. If you want to talk to her, fine. I never said you couldn’t have friends, Kyle, God.’

‘No, you didn’t say I couldn’t be friends with her, you’re right. Instead, you just said I couldn’t ask her to help make any of my dreams come true,’ Kyle muttered, shaking Jimmy off him. But Jimmy was persistent, and he sprang to his feet, moving swiftly round the couch to stand in Kyle’s way.

‘She’s a stranger, Kyle! Why would I let you risk any of your dreams on some girl you don’t even know?’ He looked at Kyle so pleadingly that he almost wavered. But the problem was, he caved in to Jimmy all the time, and he knew he probably did it too much. But this was something he knew he had to take a stand on, because this was Broadway and he wasn’t sure just how many chances he would get. This was the possibility of getting closer to everything he had ever dreamed. This meant too much. Maybe this actually even meant more to him than Jimmy did – as strange a thought as that was.

‘The problem is, Jimmy, this whole time, I’ve been pinning my dreams on the guy who’s been my best friend since we were kids. And so far? It hasn’t exactly got me very far.’

‘Kyle, please don’t be like this,’ Jimmy sighed. Kyle looked him up and down, the fight going out of him when he saw the genuine anguish in his friend’s face.

‘Look, Jimmy, whatever, I don’t want to fight over this anymore. I invited her to the party tonight – you think you can try and show her why I bother being friends with you?’

‘You mean you want me to play nice with your Broadway Baby?’

‘I mean _be yourself_ , Jimmy. You’re a good person when you want to be – at least give her a chance to see that, even if you won’t show her your songs.’ Jimmy smiled slightly and glanced away, shaking his head.

‘Ok, Kyle. I’ll try. But I’m telling you – a girl like that? She won’t even know where Brooklyn is.’

 

***

 

_‘I still haven’t been paid for Boston, I’ve done three crappy auditions today, some stranger on the subway told me I couldn’t sing – I think he was confusing me with someone else coz I swear I wasn’t even singing at the time – and then on the way over here, I got a call from Zoe at the bar? She can’t guarantee me a slot on the rota for another two weeks. And my rent is due tomorrow. So yes, please, let’s go for drinks at Karen’s before I throw myself off something. God. This week is a disaster. And for once it’s not even my own fault.’ Bobby paused for a moment then pulled a face. ‘Ok, so maybe I didn’t need to buy new clothes the other day...but come on, if I’m going to be broke, I want to look fabulous whilst I’m doing it. And don’t even mention my new headphones, Jess, or I swear to God I will hurt you.’_

***

 

‘...so anyway, my dad was just laughing his head off, my whole family is like, gathered round what’s left of the tree, I’ve got most of the Christmas chocolate on my face, and my aunt’s pet cat is-’

‘You must be Bobby.’ Jessica and Bobby looked up to find a girl they didn’t recognise standing in the apartment’s open doorway. She was eyeing them with a mixture of suspicion and amusement, her eyes lingering on Bobby (something Jessica had seen happen all too many times before – it was his energy, she supposed, more than anything, and she tried not to take it too personally.) ‘I’m Ana, by the way. And I’m just going to let you know now; I won’t be buying any of your bullshit,’ the girl added, arching an eyebrow, her prettily pouting lips curving into a mischievous smile and her eyes twinkling the same way Jessica had seen Bobby’s twinkle a million and one times before. There was a spark in Bobby’s eyes too, immediately taking up the challenge being laid before him, and he folded his arms, matching Ana’s smile with one of his own. Jessica didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when he waggled his eyebrows at Ana as she stepped back to allow the two of them past her, closing the door behind them. ‘Karen, your crazy chorus friends are here,’ she yelled. Karen appeared from down the hall, her smile bright, and she was about to greet them when Bobby fixed her with his most serious look.

‘I like this one,’ he stated simply, nodding his head in Ana’s direction before turning to look her up and down once more. ‘But just so you know? None of my stories are bullshit,’ he added flicking his hair out of his eyes and smirking confidently. ‘I speak the truth so fabulously it hurts, that’s all.’ Ana laughed and looked at Jessica in questioning.

‘Is he always like this?’ she grinned and Jessica smiled, looking at Bobby fondly.

‘I would love to tell you no, but...’ she trailed off, flashing Ana a grin. Bobby rolled his eyes theatrically and Jessica simply laughed, shaking her head and shrugging. ‘I’m Jessica, by the way.’ Ana nodded.

‘His minder?’ she joked.

‘Ladies, I love you both; but I’m standing right here,’ Bobby remarked airily and both girls laughed at him.

‘Ok, we need beers and we need take out,’ Ana said decisively.

‘On it!’ Karen beamed, springing into action at once.

 

Once they were finally all sitting down to eat, Jessica couldn’t help but watch Ana and Bobby as they talked. The two of them had hardly stopped their banter since the moment they’d met and they both seemed to have exchanged life-stories in minutes, falling easily into a blur of words and stories which even Jessica was struggling to keep up with. The two of had clicked in an instant; they both had the same knack for delivering outrageous remarks and sassy put-downs without anyone blaming them for it. The two of them were like firecrackers and their energy filled the space, bright and bold and fascinating. To an outsider it would’ve been intimidating – and Jessica couldn’t help but wonder if this was what people felt when they walked in on one of hers and Bobby’s frenetic late-night conversations. But even as she was laughing at something Bobby had said, Jessica couldn’t help flicking her eyes back and forth between the two of them, trying to judge just how much of a connection was forming. They were talking ten to the dozen, wide-eyed and laughing, tearing each other down with just the right amount of attitude – and it frightened Jessica how easily it came to them. She felt a twinge of jealousy curling inside her once more – because as far as she knew, she’d been the only stranger Bobby had ever taken to as quickly as he was taking to Ana. Of course, Bobby generally had an ease and animation with anyone he met – but he rarely looked without judgement, and she’d hoped she was a rare exception. Yet he looked at Ana like she was endlessly fascinating to him, in a way that Jessica worried she could never be. Because even though she was feistier than she looked, she knew she didn’t have the same edge to her that Bobby had. But this girl? She did. She had that thing about her that made her maddening and wonderful. And maybe she wasn’t quite as ferocious in her views or as blunt with her honesty – but she still had that thing about her, that sudden-flash-of-light-in-the-dark thing that Jessica had only ever known Bobby to have before.

 

‘Yeah, but is he hot?’ Bobby was asking Karen mockingly, making Ana laugh.

‘She hasn’t stopped going on about him since she heard him sing so...he better be.’

‘Urgh – you would be _that_ girl, Iowa,’ Bobby whined.

‘Shut up; just wait ‘til you hear some of his songs,’ Karen protested.

‘Show me,’ Bobby shot back.

‘What, you gonna sing for us, Chorus Boy?’ Jessica teased lightly.

‘I could if I wanted to – you know I can read music on-sight coz it’s how I got that last-minute gig with JP last fall,’ Bobby told her sharply, though to her disappointment his gaze flicked to Ana and he leant towards her conspiratorially. ‘But I do also have this gift for improv...and Jess _so_ does not appreciate my gifts as much as she ought to.’ He giggled as Jessica cuffed him round the back of the head and Ana smirked at them, shaking her head.

‘You’re something else, you know that?’

‘I’ve been telling people for years,’ Bobby agreed.

‘Bobby, shut up and concentrate on the problem at hand, would you?’ Karen sighed, smacking Bobby lightly on the arm. ‘Ana, get your keyboard,’ she insisted as Bobby simply laughed at her. ‘You need to hear this guy’s songs and help me figure out how to hear more.’

‘Wait, you can play?’ Bobby asked, turning to Ana, who nodded, smiling smugly back at him. ‘Wow. I’m actually impressed.’

‘If you think my life is complete now I have your approval, you’re wrong,’ Ana told him with a smirk, getting to her feet and disappearing down the hallway.

 

 

***

 

_‘My last show there? The thing collapsed. Like straight out from under me. All hell was breaking loose, coz I’m pretty sure half the cast thought I’d died or something, and guess who shows up? Seriously. Jessica. It’s like the one time I didn’t have it covered, the one time I totally lost it. It was my last show, I was emotional, I was in serious pain from falling and I just didn’t know what to do. And Jess had come to watch the show that night and she just shoots out from the wings and pulls me up. She held me up through the whole thing and when it ended I literally fell to my knees and cried for about a half-hour straight. So, no. I’m not invincible. But I do know how to make it look like I am. Maybe if it wasn’t for Jess I’d have lost it by now. I don’t know. It scares me actually. That’s why I don’t tell that story very much. Well, except to Jess anyway. She thinks I’m going to give up on her sometimes – but she’s not half as scared of that as I am of her giving up on me.’_

 

 

***

 

When Jessica asked him about it years later, Bobby’s lips remained sealed. They’d simply curve up into a quiet half-smile, never giving up a word of the secrets they knew about that night. It was the shortest story Bobby had ever told her; the one where he met the sweetest boy who’d ever lived.

 

‘Wait...don’t I know you from somewhere?’ Dark brown eyes regarded Kyle carefully, narrowed slightly, glittering just enough to probably be up to something. But there was somehow a familiarity to them, something Kyle trusted instinctively.

‘How much Broadway do watch?’ the man asked and Kyle smiled shyly, looking down.

‘Too much, probably,’ he admitted before looking back up at them man anxiously. ‘Please don’t tell me I’m talking to...like...a Tony winner or something coz...I sort of live and breathe the theatre and that would be really embarrassing.’

‘God no – I’m way more amazing.’ Kyle’s brow creased and the other man smiled playfully back at him, those brown eyes still glittering; somehow that look was wild and gentle all at once and Kyle couldn’t help but stare, bewildered. ‘I’m Bobby. Career chorus boy,’ the man added, flicking his hair from his face. A slow smile formed on Kyle’s lips and he put the pieces together in his head.

‘Did you come here with Karen Cartwright?’ he asked and Bobby nodded, clearly confused, his expression making Kyle smile shyly. ‘And you’re from Bombshell too right?’

‘Yeah...well, I was. Who knows anymore. But...how did you know that?’

‘I saw the show in Boston and...I actually remember you.’ Kyle shrugged, avoiding Bobby’s gaze. ‘You were kind of brilliant, actually.’ He winced. ‘And now I sound like a total idiot,’ he sighed, risking a quick glance up at Bobby’s face. He was surprised to see he was still smiling at him, a softness in his expression as he looked at him from the corner of his eye, his head to one side. For some reason Kyle knew with unwavering conviction that Bobby didn’t usually look at anyone that way; un-judging and gentle, a smile with no hidden edge.

‘I don’t think you sound like an idiot...hey, I can be very distracting,’ Bobby shrugged, making Kyle laugh.

‘I’m not going to lie; you did a backflip I was convinced was going to end in disaster,’ he admitted and Bobby seemed almost guilty as he looked upwards, his mouth twisting into peculiar half-grin. He put his hands in his pockets and winced theatrically.

‘Actually? My backflips used to _always_ end in disaster. I’m like...the most accident-prone chorus boy on Broadway. Not even kidding. There was this thing with some lobsters once...’ Bobby pulled a face and Kyle laughed. ‘Not pretty.’

 

Kyle was about to press Bobby for more details, when Jimmy called across to him, and his heart sank a little at the idea of having to cut the conversation short. The truth was, it wasn’t Bobby’s backflip he remembered him for; it was seeing him outside the theatre that night, his laugh bouncing off the coolness of the air. There was something fascinating about him, an energy that danced in the air around him. And, strangely, it was still there, even now, away from the theatre lights and his castmates, without any trace of his glittering baseball uniform or the kiss he blew out into the auditorium. But even stranger? All that energy was being focused on him. Kyle Bishop. Official Nobody of New York City. The only other person Kyle knew who gave off such an intense and overpowering energy was Jimmy, but with Bobby it was different. Less dangerous, less damaged. He glanced back at those brown eyes and caught Bobby’s unphased smile.

‘I’ll go with you.’ It was an offer Kyle wasn’t about to refuse.

 

As they stepped outside, Kyle could feel Bobby’s eyes on him, and he glanced up nervously, not sure what exactly it was the other man was thinking. He was never confident with reading people like Bobby, people who seemed so self-assured and confident. The problem was that they seemed – to him – to be flirting with everyone, pulling whole rooms into them without even trying. So how could he tell if someone like that was genuinely interested in talking to him, when they made the whole world feel like they cared about only them? Bobby’s smile was bright and alive yet strangely soft – it fitted his face well but still seemed special when it appeared and Kyle couldn’t help but watch the way it curved.

‘So come on – be honest; no-one remembers chorus boys for their backflips. What did you really see me do, Daydreamer? I didn’t mess a line up did I?’ he asked after a moment and Kyle laughed. His blue eyes were so bright in the orange glow of the streetlamps that Bobby wanted to do whatever he could to catch a better look at them. There was such genuine light in those eyes – there was an honesty about this guy that Bobby appreciated, mostly because it was a different honesty to his own. Perhaps it was naivety and would only hurt the poor guy in the end. But still, Bobby liked the untainted curiosity of that face, the shyness of that smile. Awkward but hopeful, shy but unable to stop talking. A little bundle of messy contradictions, tied up with a sweetness it was impossible to define. ‘Did I insult you at stage door? Coz trust me, that’s happened before.’ Bobby rolled his eyes, flashing Kyle a self-deprecating grin that made him laugh.

‘No. God, no. That’s not what happened...it was kind of the opposite, actually. I mean, I did see you after the show but...you were with your friends and I didn’t want to run up and be a total goof by asking you to sign my Playbill.’ Kyle squirmed slightly, looking down, his lips curving and twisting as he thought twice before going any further. ‘But, honestly? The reason you stuck in my mind was...at curtain, you blew this kiss...’ Kyle stopped and closed his mouth, flicking a glance over to Bobby, who nodded knowingly.

‘Did it land on you?’ he asked mischievously. Kyle opened and closed his mouth and Bobby laughed, though it wasn’t a cruel laugh, and strangely it put Kyle at ease. He risked stealing another glance at Bobby, who immediately caught his eye. ‘I do that every night, every show I’ve ever done. It’s like...my signature or whatever.’ Bobby shrugged, flicking his hair out of his face and sighing. ‘Every night at curtain, I blow one kiss. I just pick a spot at random and send it out there. I figure...it might make someone’s night, you know?’

‘That’s really sweet of you,’ Kyle murmured, but Bobby just kicked at a stone and flashed Kyle a half-smile.

‘I don’t know why – I’m not really that sweet of a person.’ Kyle looked at Bobby thoughtfully, his brow furrowed slightly as he tried to figure him out. ‘But I guess, the best part about the theatre is how many stories you get to be in; there’s always some complete stranger out there that you can make a difference to – there’s always a chance someone will notice, even if you’re just in the chorus. You can make someone’s day and never know it.’ Kyle nodded and Bobby saw his eyes begin to sparkle and dance. It was beautiful, really, how he listened to him, how he cared what he said and didn’t dismiss it as some chorus boy’s tall tale.

‘That’s how the theatre survives, I think,’ Kyle said quietly. ‘People like you, telling a new story every night. Giving everyone who comes in something new to take away.’ Kyle paused, holding his breath, suddenly all nerves again. ‘I can’t believe I just said that out loud.’ He shook his head and stared determinedly down at his feet, quickening his pace. But Bobby stepped out in front of him suddenly, forcing him to stop. He bent slightly so that Kyle had to meet his gaze; those brown eyes of his shining so brightly, glinting with a thousand different stories – songs and secrets and conversations and so many things and people, seen and known and heard. But of all those things there, the thing that startled Kyle the most was that he knew he was the only thing Bobby saw in that moment. All the stories in those eyes and yet the only outline they could form was his own reflection, everything that had gone before forgotten for the sake of their own quiet moment right then.

‘Hey, why do you doubt yourself so much?’ Bobby murmured. Kyle’s mouth moved but no sound came out, and Bobby’s brow furrowed slightly. ‘You’re like...the sweetest guy I’ve ever seen. And you want to tell stories for a living.’ Bobby smiled impishly then, his eyes widening briefly, his whole body seeming to thrum with energy as he leant back and folded his arms. ‘You’re a doll, Kyle. And you hold all the cards; tell the right story and you’ll shine brighter than the whole lot of us.’ Bobby tilted his head. ‘You know, we’re not the ones you should be in awe of; Broadway forgets its chorus boys. But it heralds its writers forever. Especially the ones with a smile like yours. Everybody loves you – you’ve just got to take a deep breath and point it out to them.’

 

Talking with Bobby was so unlike talking with anyone else Kyle knew; he was capable of turning in an instant, from still and thoughtful to alive and laughing. He had a careless way of throwing words around which could have been so dangerous if it wasn’t for the fact every word he said shone in his eyes; believed in, known and true. He was the first person Kyle had ever met who could match him musical for musical and then some – Bobby knew something about every light on Broadway, never mind every show, and he had an opinion on each one too. Kyle couldn’t help but smile, his awkwardness falling away from him as he fought his corner against Bobby’s brazen remarks. He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had indulged him like this, just let him talk and talk and not judged him when he wasn’t able to stop. It was a nice change from the usual routine of being mocked for his gleeful enthusiasm.

 

He supposed he should’ve known there’d be a price to pay for enjoying himself. But for once he hadn’t worried about it until it happened; Bobby had relaxed him, made him laugh. He’d been having too much fun and his guard had come down. He’d stopped preparing for the worst and just enjoyed himself. And when you were Jimmy Collins’ best friend? There simply wasn’t time to do that. Most of the best nights of his life had ended like this; chasing Jimmy down the street, begging with him to listen to reason. It had never worked in the past but he always did it, always hoped. Because hoping was kind of his special skill. And besides, he was used to it by now; abandoning his own happiness for the sake of safeguarding Jimmy’s. But even as he was half-believing that Jimmy was right to be mad, he couldn’t help but think back to the way Bobby had looked at him. The man was such a blazing creature, but his dark eyes had fixed on Kyle like he was the one who shone. _You’ll shine brighter than all of us. Everybody loves you._

 

As he rounded the corner, he kept his head down, determined not to make eye-contact with anyone at the party in the hope of being able to make it as far as his bed unseen. He wanted to just curl up somewhere and be alone, but his home was full of people and he was starting to doubt if getting mad at Jimmy was really going to solve anything. The fact was that if Jimmy didn’t want to share his songs then he wouldn’t – sulking with him wouldn’t make it better, it would probably just make it worse.

‘Hey, are you ok?’ came a gentle voice, startling him from his thoughts, and he looked up to see Bobby standing there, hanging back from the retreating forms of Karen and their other friends. His brown eyes looked almost amber in the strange shadows of the New York night, and they glimmered in that same all-seeing way that had disarmed Kyle so easily before. For a moment Kyle hesitated, almost considering spilling the lot right then, the whole story all the way back to when him and Jimmy were kids. But he owed Jimmy more than to pour his heart out to a stranger so he simply shrugged and looked away.

‘I’ll be fine – it’s not like he’s never lashed out at me before,’ Kyle sighed, but Bobby still regarded him steadily, his head on one side, his eyes bright.

‘Look, we’re going for drinks...you wanna come with?’ Kyle glanced up in surprise, trying to judge if the offer was genuine. Bobby simply met his gaze, genuine concern on his face. ‘Seriously, what’s the point in having a face like yours if it never smiles?’ he asked softly. Kyle stared at him, his lips parting ever-so-slightly, his blue eyes shining.

‘He’s my best friend.’ Kyle didn’t know why he said it, but Bobby merely shrugged, unphased and still smiling back at him warmly.

‘The sweet ones always hang out with the losers – my friend Jess? She’s an angel. I don’t know how she puts up with me.’

‘You don’t seem all that bad,’ Kyle laughed nervously, looking down and Bobby smiled a distant sort of smile that Kyle felt sure there was a story behind.

‘Well if you really believe that; come with me,’ he said. Kyle looked at him carefully, watching as he held out a hand. ‘I’ll tell you about the time I yelled ‘Sing something’ in Leigh Conroy’s face; and she actually did...’ Bobby offered playfully and Kyle felt the corners of his lips turn up as he let out a soft laugh.

‘Ok.’

‘Ok?’ Bobby beamed and Kyle’s smile widened.

‘Ok,’ he nodded, laughing as Bobby grabbed his hand, his eyes suddenly alive with mischief once more as he turned swiftly and searched the street for his friends.

‘Hey guys, wait up – Kyle’s coming with,’ he called after them, beginning to tug Kyle along behind him as he ran down the street towards his waiting friends.

 

 

***

 

_‘Look, I don’t know what you said to him that night and...and maybe I shouldn’t, you know? Maybe it was just...your gift to him or whatever. Something between the two of you and no-one else. But...thank you for seeing him. I mean really seeing him. For looking at him like he was brightest thing in the room.’ Jimmy swallowed. ‘The one time he actually talked about you? He kept calling you unstoppable. Over and over. He’s unstoppable, he’s a supernova. And I asked him what he even meant and he just said ‘Why does there need to be any more to that story?’ – and honestly? I thought he was just doing it to blow me off...didn’t want to give me anything I could throw back in his face later. But I think I get it now, you know? Some people are just bright enough on their own. They don’t need you to shout it out for them. Even when they’re a total stranger to you; they just shine. On and on.’ Jimmy closed his eyes. ‘He had that quality too; unstoppable. You showed him that, I think. Showed him he was like that. He certainly didn’t realise it before you, anyway.’ Jimmy smiled distantly. ‘But look at him now...everybody knows his name.’_

***

 

Bobby looked up from his phone as Jessica flopped down beside him, trying unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn. Their dance class didn’t start for another ten minutes, and Jessica didn’t seem in any rush to change into her dance shoes, choosing instead to curl into Bobby’s side, closing her eyes and letting out a long sigh.

‘You have a rough night, Glitter Bug?’ Bobby asked softly, turning back to his phone and letting Jessica rest her head on his shoulder.

‘Between auditions and dance classes and trying to pick up shifts at the store? I feel like I haven’t slept in a month. And I haven’t been hanging out with you enough at all; we haven’t had a night out together since...wow, since we went to that party with Karen.’ Jessica sat up, her eyes suddenly wide and awake, glittering mischievously as she looked at him. ‘Speaking of which; you heard from that cutie again?’

‘Who, you mean Kyle?’

‘Duh. That boy was precious – and he _so_ liked you. He did nothing but talk to you all night!’

‘Er, he talked to both of us all night. And Ana...until she ran off with that guy. He talks to everyone. It’s kind of adorable actually.’ Bobby sighed and looked up at Jessica with a grin. ‘Karen would’ve probably warned him off me if she hadn’t have gone home early to mope...I can totally see her sitting in between us and refusing to move.’ Jessica laughed and elbowed him in the ribs, rolling her eyes fondly.

‘Shut up. So you’re seriously telling me you haven’t called this guy? Texted him? Nothing?’ Jessica looked at him in disbelief, but Bobby simply shrugged, looking back down at his phone, the picture of nonchalance.

‘Sometimes you have conversations that you know you’re never gonna have again. It’s what makes you know they mattered. They’re a one-time-only thing and it’s special...unless you start trying to recreate them over and over again.’ Jessica smiled fondly, resting her head back against his shoulder.

‘That’s nice. I like that. I’m going to remember that next time I try to recapture something with some old flame,’ she murmured, closing her eyes.

 

The two of them sat in silence for a while, listening to the sounds of other people starting to arrive. No-one approached them in their spot in the corner, leaving the two of them to their own devices. They were actually good friends with most of the group, but most people knew better than to invade Bobby and Jessica’s Best Friend Time, waiting to be invited in rather than arriving unannounced. ‘Hey, did you get a rehearsal time yet? I know some people went back in today but I haven’t heard anything yet,’ Jessica said suddenly, looking up at Bobby hopefully, but he simply laughed, a wry smile on his lips.

‘You mean for Bombshell, right? Coz in that case; no, I haven’t been called yet. But honestly? I’m not even sure it’s going to happen.’

‘Why, what have you heard?’ Jessica frowned, sitting up. Bobby grinned and showed her his phone.

‘Text from Sue. Derek’s about ready to jump off a building by the sound of it. And Karen? Getting her head bitten off over nothing. You think Derek wants his old Marilyn back?’

‘You mean Ivy and not Rebecca I’m assuming,’ Jessica smirked and Bobby narrowed his eyes at her, trying to suppress his grin. Jessica shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I caught up with her at an audition the other day, and she said Karen was at his place last time she went to see him...but then...Ivy is the one who saved the show, if you believe the blogs...’

‘ _Always_ believe the blogs, Jess.’ Bobby paused then and looked up from his phone. ‘Or...never believe them. I’m not sure. It’s one or the other,’ he said and Jessica rolled her eyes at him, smiling fondly.

‘Did you see the video online of her performance though? Someone sent me the link last night. Ivy is crazy good on Moving The Line...you could understand if Derek changed his mind. Or maybe I’m just bias.’

‘Urgh. You think Ivy would duet with me on that? I want it. So badly. That song just calls to me – I could totally hit those notes.’ Jessica just laughed and shook her head at him, flicking him playfully on the temple. He stuck his tongue out at her in return before turning back to his phone.

‘Ok, I’m going to go put my hair up before class. Back in a minute,’ she sighed, getting to her feet. Bobby just nodded vaguely, still not looking up from his texts. ‘Yeah. Love you too, Chorus Boy,’ she told  him with a shake of her head.

 

As Jessica headed back towards the studio, she noticed someone standing just outside the door, looking in through the window. She frowned slightly, her pace slowing, and she took a moment to stand and watch the man, her head on one side. She knew that silhouette. And she couldn’t help but feel like this couldn’t be a good thing.

 

‘Dennis, what are you doing here?’ Dennis jumped slightly at the sound of Jessica’s voice as she came up behind him, peering through the window to see what he was looking at. Bobby was warming up in front of the mirror, lost in his own world as he danced, his expression determined, his brown eyes full of intensity. She had to admit; she could understand why Dennis would be watching. It was hard not to watch Bobby when he threw himself into a dance or a song; he’d once performed a song at a benefit concert, alongside a host of well-known Broadway stars, and yet, if you looked it up online, it was Bobby’s solo which had the most views. And yet, as self-possessed as Bobby was, it was strangely not something he ever boasted about – Jessica almost wondered if he enjoyed being able to take people by surprise with his power. She flicked a glance at Dennis and sighed. ‘If you came here for him then...I’m not letting you go in there. He’s happy, he’s doing fine, he’s having a good day...I’m not going to let you bring him down right now,’ she said, folding her arms. Dennis looked down, biting the inside of his cheek. Jessica noticed how he couldn’t meet her eyes and for a moment she felt guilty. Until she remembered the wounded look on Bobby’s face when she’d told him Dennis hadn’t stuck up for him. Her blue eyes narrowed slightly. ‘Come on, spill, Bambi.’

‘You can stand down, Jess. I didn’t come here for him – I have class upstairs. I just...I thought I saw him and...I can’t not watch him, you know?’ Dennis laughed and shook his head, a shy smile touching his lips as he glanced back to look at Bobby through the window. ‘He likes spins, I like...whatever that thing is he does.’ He shrugged. ‘Don’t worry about it, ok? He sent me a good luck note the other day...we’ve cleared the air.’

‘Trust me – you really haven’t,’ Jessica replied bluntly and Dennis blinked in confusion.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean...Bobby can’t stand the idea of friends becoming strangers. It’s just...it’s a hang-up he’s got after a bad break up. But that doesn’t mean you can just keep showing up in his life, Dennis. You need to back off and give it time. Don’t invite him to come see you in Wicked, don’t stop by the Bombshell rehearsals to say hi...just...remember his birthday and send him a Christmas card for a couple of years and eventually...you can maybe start showing up at the odd party. But that’s it. That’s all you are to him from now on – and that’s all you deserve if you don’t realise just how special he is.’ Jessica gave Dennis a lopsided smile, shrugging sadly and giving Dennis a pat on the arm. ‘Look, no hard feelings, ok? Just...don’t give me any reason to be mad at you? Coz for him, I will get mad at you, Dennis. I swear.’

 

 

***

_‘So I said to him, like, this guy I saw was the most ridiculous thing and he had this dark hair that kept falling in his face and these shifty brown eyes that he could actually make dance with the music and a voice you can’t even explain. And he goes; Oh, ok, I think I know who you mean – I bet he had the whole crowd in stitches, right? And I said yeah and he was like; Yeah, that’s Bobby, and trust me, you won’t need me to point him out. Yeah, understatement. It turned out he was right – this guy comes down and he’s got this ridiculous grin on his face, telling some story to his friends. When I asked him if he’d been on the last week he shrieked – full-on shrieked – and hugged me and couldn’t stop asking me questions and I couldn’t answer coz I was watching his face...and behind all of this insanity he actually had the sweetest smile. He just put all this attention onto me – like I was the one coming out after a Broadway show not him. I had the best day coz of him. And he didn’t just make my day he made my year. I got a photo with him and he made us both pull stupid faces and he got his friend to take the photo so he could put both arms around me. And the stupid part? Two years later, when I was back at another stage door, he remembered me. He came over and he hugged me the exact same way, asked me how I was. I looked him up online and back then there was only this one video, some charity thing he did a year or so before. I put it on my iPod and...he doesn’t know it but he probably saved my life. It was him singing to me every night that got me through the stuff that happened that year. If I ever saw him again I don’t know what I’d say. Other than thank you for standing in that day...or for being on just the right part of the stage to blow me a kiss at curtain two years later. So that...that is why I have a Playbill only signed by one guy from the back of the chorus. And why I always watch the ensemble when I go to a show. I know it’s stupid...but it matters to me.’_

***

 

Bobby looked up from his magazine with a bored expression at the sound of the door opening. It was another uneventful afternoon shift at the bar, and he was sulking with the world as another day of Bombshell rehearsals was going on without him and he felt like he was missing out. Of course, the last thing he was expecting was for Kyle Bishop to come walking through the door, looking uncertain as he scanned the bar.

 

Bobby straightened up, quirking his lips upwards into a confused smile as he watched Kyle pause in the doorway and offer him a small, shy smile. His hands were buried in his pockets and he looked just about ready to turn and run away, so Bobby crossed over to his side of the bar and leant on it, meeting Kyle’s eyes with his own twinkling gaze.

‘Hey – you looking for me?’ he asked. Kyle let out a long sigh. Bobby was still watching him curiously, but that didn’t make him feel as uncomfortable as he’d expected, and as ridiculous as he had felt hunting down this chorus boy he hardly knew, when Bobby looked at him like that, he felt like it didn’t matter. Bobby’s eyes saw nothing but sweetness in him, didn’t judge him for whatever stupid thing came out of his mouth; his judgement had begun and ended with that soft-hearted smile the night of the party when he’d asked him if he was ok.

 

Kyle stepped over towards the bar and pulled himself up onto the barstool opposite Bobby, keeping his eyes trained carefully on his hands.

‘Hey...yeah...I was actually...’ he huffed out a nervous breath, glancing up briefly at Bobby before looking back down at his hands, fidgeting with them anxiously, working up the nerve to say what he’d come to say. ‘So...I kinda need you to tell me that thing about me shining again,’ he said in a quiet, self-conscious voice, the words directed mostly at the wood of the bar. But Bobby’s soft laugh made him look up, and he was surprised to find that there was no mockery in that laugh; Bobby was still looking at him without judgement, his face crinkled up slightly, his brown eyes intent upon no-one but him. ‘I just...I kind of need to hear it right now...because...I feel like I’m not...enough...or something...but you...you made me feel...different. Better. And I just...I need that a lot right now,’ Kyle admitted and Bobby quirked an eyebrow. His arms were folded and he was leaning back to look Kyle up and down, his lips curving into a thoughtful smirk. ‘I know it’s stupid but...you think you can do that again?’ Bobby smiled.

‘Ok, I’m going to grab us a couple of beers and we’re going to go sit in that booth over there, and then you can tell me what it is I need to say to you – just give me five minutes, alright?’

‘But don’t you have to work?’

‘Please, you see any other customers in here?’ Bobby grinned and Kyle laughed, inclining his head to agree. ‘Exactly. So go sit over there and I’ll be over in a minute.’

 

Kyle looked up as a beer bottle was placed on the table in front of him, and he smiled gratefully at Bobby, who slid into the booth, sitting down opposite him and taking a sip of his own beer.

‘Ok, first of all; how did you even find me here?’ Bobby asked with a grin and Kyle couldn’t help but laugh, rolling his eyes and looking away.

‘I uh...talked to Karen’s friend Ana? Told her you’d left your phone at the loft,’ he shrugged and Bobby let out a wild laugh that took Kyle by surprise.

‘God, good job you didn’t talk to Jess. She would’ve never believed that excuse.’ Bobby shook his head as if remembering some anecdote before looking back up at Kyle with a grin. ‘My phone is like...my joint-best friend and I’m pretty sure she’s jealous of the attention I lavish on it,’ he explained and Kyle smiled back at him. ‘I know, I’m shallow.’

‘No.’ Bobby looked up at him in confusion and Kyle shrugged self-consciously. ‘I don’t think you’re shallow,’ he admitted quietly. ‘I don’t really know what you are...but...shallow isn’t it.’ Bobby’s lips twitched into an almost-smile and he looked down, picking at the label on his beer bottle.

‘Ok...now I don’t say this often, so make the most of it; but this isn’t about me.’ Kyle chuckled and Bobby flashed him a quick grin. ‘So come on, why do you need me to tell you you’re adorable? Are there no mirrors at that place of yours?’ he asked softly and Kyle looked up at him, his blue eyes shimmering in the dim light of the bar. Bobby leant in – part of him wanting to see how those eyes changed colour in the shifting light. ‘I meant what I said before, Kyle. The writers hold the cards in this town. And you? You’ve got the smile to match.’ Kyle sighed, biting his lip.

‘I guess I...I need you to tell me if I’m crazy for even hoping...I mean, one meeting with Derek’s already fallen through, I don’t even know where Jimmy is right now...which is bad for reasons I can’t even begin to explain...and then...I just can’t help thinking; why should anyone want to listen to me?’

‘Because people like baby-faced dreamers,’ Bobby replied gently, his tone playful but his expression genuine. Kyle looked up at him in earnest. ‘And I don’t know, maybe you’re a nightmare, maybe you can’t write, maybe you’ll be awful. There are so many ways it could be wrong,’ Bobby admitted. ‘But come on, Daydreamer; you still shine. Either way – win or lose – people will remember you for something. Even if it’s just for your heart.’ Bobby looked back down at the beer in his hands, peeling a little more at the label. ‘I think that’s all anyone on Broadway can ask for; that some stranger somewhere remembers their smile.’

 

 

***

 

_‘I kissed a stranger once because I liked his smile and he said something nice about me. I don’t tell that story often. Yeah...even my best friend doesn’t believe me, actually. But I know the truth. And so did he.’_


	7. The Ones We Never Saw Coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter stars at The Song and goes through to the end of Musical Chairs and it has plenty of different characters making cameos: we have Tom back, Dennis is back, there is yet more Kyle, there is Tom/Kyle, Bobby/Kyle, Bobby/Dennis, Derek and Tom build the smallest of bridges, Bobby gives Karen his blessing and Bobby and Jessica get a lot of best friend time. Hope you enjoy...

 

_‘I think the best love stories? They aren’t even about those great romances. They’re about those people who just...come out of nowhere and hit you like speeding train, you know?’ Bobby smiled, playing with the straw in his drink. ‘They’re about the girl who flat-out tells you you’re an idiot the first day you meet her and doesn’t go a week without telling you it since. Or, you know, the guy who knew you...what, ten days? But you never really forgot him. There are these epic ten-minute love stories in the world about conversations people just never saw coming. You carry that stuff with you...and you use it. In a dance or a song or in the advice you give to somebody else. And then the love story comes full circle, coz you’ve just created one of your own.’ Bobby smiled; a soft, genuine smile that lit his dark eyes. ‘You think yours and his love story didn’t last but...it lasted for his whole lifetime. And you learned from it...which means it’ll last you all of yours too.’ Bobby shrugged, sitting up a little straighter in his chair and glancing down. ‘You know, there’s this moment when you’re stood backstage before a show? It’s like a ten-second gap right before curtain-up and...if you hold your breath and listen? You realise you can’t hear a thing. It’s like this perfect moment where...anything can happen. And by the time the curtain comes down? Those possibilities, those fragments of whatever-it-is we do out there? They’re gone. Unrecreateable.’ The very corners of his lips twitched up thoughtfully. ‘But...they happened, right? They came up out of nowhere and they bowled you right over and...it was good. That’s got to matter. The things you never imagined...they’re what you remember, I think. Even when they don’t last, you remember.’_

***

 

Bobby sighed, staring blankly at the fridge door, studying the various notes and lists tucked in amongst the photographs. He had so much to do in the coming weeks, it was tempting to crawl straight back to bed and make the most of the time to sleep. But as much as he loved his lie-ins, he liked being out in the world having fun much more, and there wouldn’t be much time for either once Bombshell got back to a more regular rehearsal schedule. In any case; he’d made it this far, he might as well eat whilst he was here. Sighing heavily, he fixed himself a bowl of cereal, the whole time with one eye on his phone, trying to play catch-up with what the world had gotten up to whilst his slept. Broadway didn’t tend to stop just because most of the city was sleeping, and sure enough the morning’s theatre-gossip columns were full with new titbits; if the blogs were to be believed, most of Broadway would be closed before the end of the month. But Bobby simply rolled his eyes. He could write these columns better than most of the people who did, he certainly had more contacts than they seemed to. He’d been around long enough to know which stories to believe and which were pure drama just from one skim-read. He loved stirring the pot, but he wasn’t stupid; Broadway was the home of drama queens, of course there were always stories flying back and forth. The trick was in spotting those little details which made the whisperings of disaster that bit more believable.

 

As he pulled himself up onto the kitchen counter, he began scrolling through his texts. A drunk-dial from Zak that made no sense, an update on the Veronica Moore rehearsals from Karen, a promise to see him soon from Ivy, and, unsurprisingly, a message from Jessica to say she’d be over later. He smirked and rolled his eyes fondly, shovelling more cereal in his mouth. Jessica saying she was coming over on his day off was more dependable than the sun rising each morning. It was less of a grand statement about their friendship and more of a testament to Jessica’s peculiarly endearing brand of chaos; she envied his television, because, unlike her own, there was no massive crack across one side of the screen and abandoned clothes never obscured the view of it. He shook his head slightly and hit reply.

‘Radical idea: don’t spend all your money on shoes and maybe you could watch TV too,’ he smirked aloud, typing each word swiftly before moving quickly on. There was always a steady stream of information coming through his phone’s inbox; an exchange of drama between his many gossipy friends which he repaid in kind with updates of his own. This morning’s instalments were largely mundane, but he couldn’t help noticing one reply in particular from a friend he’d called in a favour from just after getting back from Boston. He became so absorbed by the message that he didn’t notice his front door being carefully opened, Jessica backing into his place, her hands full and her smile that little-bit-too wide.

 

‘Hey, Monkey.’ The sound of Jessica’s voice startled Bobby so much that he nearly choked on his cereal and he looked up in time to see her bumping the door closed with her hip, a cup of coffee in each hand, her hair pulled up into a high, bouncing ponytail.

‘God, Jessica; boundaries! At least knock when you use my place like your own – I could’ve been naked in here!’ Bobby muttered, widening his eyes for emphasis and flicking his hair out of his face before executing a perfect jump down from the counter-top. Jessica simply stuck her tongue out at him and handed over one of the coffees.

‘Please, like I’ve not walked in on that before,’ she said playfully, turning on her heel and making a beeline for the couch. ‘I’m actually way more traumatised by the time I walked in on you dancing to the Spice Girls with a tiara on your head; you can’t get a picture like that out of your head _ever_ , idiot.’ Bobby raised his eyebrows and smiled idly, clearly unashamed.

‘It was New Year’s. Who doesn’t wear a tiara and dance to Spice Girls on New Year’s?’ he said and Jessica laughed, looking at him with best despairing look, her ponytail swaying from side to side behind her as she shook her head.

‘Just be quiet and get over here,’ she said, settling back against the cushions and setting her coffee down on the floor as she got comfortable. ‘They’re having a Dance Moms marathon and I need some serious couch time with my best friend,’ she added as she pulled one of the cushions to her chest grabbed up the remote. Bobby frowned then, tilting his head to one side. He watched her carefully for a moment and he knew that something was wrong immediately.

‘Hey, is everything ok, Glitter Bug?’ he asked. Jessica didn’t look back at him, simply shrugged, her eyes trained on the TV screen.

‘Just tired,’ she insisted, but Bobby’s eyes were narrowed. Slowly, quietly, he reached across to the drawer, extricating a spoon before heading straight for the freezer. He was never without Jessica’s favourite flavour ice cream and she was never without his – it was an unspoken agreement between the two of them.  ‘So come on, Chorus Boy, I know you’ve probably done your morning rounds by now; what’s the latest gossip?’ Jessica was asking, but Bobby was rolling his eyes as he crossed the room.

‘Er, the latest gossip is that something’s up and you’re not telling me what – so spill it. Not even kidding, Blondie,’ he said flatly.

 

When Jessica looked up, Bobby was standing behind her, his brown eyes studying her thoughtfully in that way that told her he knew her far too well to be trusted not to force the issue. He smiled at her softly and offered out the tub of ice cream, tilting his head to one side and winning a small smile from Jessica immediately. ‘Come on, Jess, you’ve got a face on you like an understudy reading reviews. And Dance Moms? That dance teacher gives you nightmares and you know it. Seriously. You only ever watch that drama when you need a distraction.’ Jessica laughed softly and inclined her head in agreement as Bobby flopped down next to her on the couch. ‘Talk to me, Blondie,’ he said gently, handing her the ice cream and spoon. Reluctantly she took them, admitting defeat. She didn’t know if Bobby overpowered people with his sheer force of will or his starburst personality, but whatever it was, she had decided a long time ago he was someone you wanted on your team.

 

Jessica stuck the spoon into the ice cream, still shaking her head slightly, incredulous at the mix of bold and sweet which was her best friend. No matter how many years she had known him, no matter how many times he had forced information out of her, he never stopped bowling her over backwards and taking her by surprise. He was maddening and incredible. And so were so many of their conversations. But this was one thing she really hadn’t wanted to talk to him about – she hated fighting with him, and she only knew of two things which could ever pit them against each other; differing opinions on So You Think You Can Dance contestants, and, even more than that, Jake.

‘It’s seriously stupid and you’re going to hate me for caring,’ she said quietly, playing with the spoon and drawing patterns in the ice cream. Bobby gave her a soft kick to the side and forced her gaze up.

‘I could never hate you,’ he said determinedly. ‘Not even kidding.’ Bobby met Jessica’s eyes with his most intense gaze and the corner of her lips twitched up briefly in a grateful smile before she looked down again. ‘Jessicaaaa,’ he pushed, a mix of care and frustration coming out as something close to a whine. Jessica let out a long sigh. As she sat chewing her lip, she noticed a photograph she hadn’t seen in a long time propped up against his photograph frame of the two of them; a large group-shot of everyone before curtain-up on the one-night-only show where they’d met, the two of them sitting side-by-side even then. When she looked to her side and saw him still sitting there now, she knew he meant it; he’d forgive her anything.

‘I saw Jake.’ She risked a glance up at Bobby, but his expression wasn’t as hardened as she’d expected. His head was tipped to one side, those brown eyes of his intent as they studied her face, sympathy clearly shining in them.

‘Like...saw him across the street or...?’ Jessica laughed.

‘See – you nearly hated me for a second there, right?’ she teased and Bobby gave her another playful kick in the ribs. ‘Across the street, I didn’t seek him out. I mean – it’s Broadway. You see everyone across the street at some point, right?’ Jessica sighed and shrugged, looking down again. ‘He was with his new girlfriend so...I didn’t really want to go say ‘hi’ to him or anything.’ She pulled a face then, shuddering slightly at the memory. ‘I mean, the two of them looked pretty busy to me anyway so...’ she scrunched up her nose slightly and rolled her eyes and when she looked over at Bobby she expected to see similar disgust just from the mere mention of Jake’s name. But there was no pointed look on his face, there wasn’t even a remark about the poor girl not knowing what she was in for on his lips. There was just...understanding there. His shoulders sagged and he dipped his head just enough to meet her eyes and they were warm and brown and glinty and she wanted to squeeze him tight with gratitude for that look.

‘I’m sorry, Sweetie,’ he said gently. Jessica swallowed and forced herself into making a half-smile.

‘It’s fine. I shouldn’t even care.’

‘But you always care,’ he said, a quiet statement but an emphatic one which forced her to look at him. ‘That’s what’s special about you, Glitter Bug,’ Bobby smiled, crawling across the couch to wrap his arms around her. Jessica gladly curled into his arms, pressing her cheek against the fabric of his shirt and closing her eyes a moment. Bobby always smelt like caramel and coffee and his body was warm and solid against her own. It would probably seem absurd to an outsider, but she just felt that there was something so safe about Bobby. His eyes were wild and flashing and his smile was dangerous – but him, the flesh and bones and heart of him, was sturdy. What people feared and adored in equal measure was his energy – and they were so content to stand back and watch him go that sometimes they forgot to lean in and listen to that unwavering heartbeat of his which lay just beneath it all.

‘Maybe you’re no gentleman. And you’re certainly no saint. But I’m pretty sure you’re my hero, Chorus Boy. Don’t forget that next time I yell at you for stealing my scarves,’ she sighed into Bobby’s chest. He laughed and the sound vibrated through her bones.

 

 

***

 

_‘Yeah, maybe I’m just some chorus boy to you – but I work hard, ok? I’ve been taking classes since I was eight, I’ve been in studios every week since I got to this town, and you know what? I’ve auditioned for some of the top producers out there. So many people have called in so many favours from me it’s ridiculous. So yeah, I am telling you to stop calling her. And I’m telling you to stop showing up at her door. And if you breathe one word to her ever again? Then I will call up every one of those people who owe me and I will run you out of this town, even if it takes me dancing ‘til my feet bleed in some shitty no-pay no-hope workshop. Because she is special and you don’t deserve her. Go ahead, Jake. Try me. I know people in every theatre on Broadway already. Even if you don’t stay gone? I can still make you wish you had. Some chorus boy? I mean, seriously. You’re an idiot if you still haven’t worked out just how much influence some chorus boy can have.’_

***

 

Tom felt his whole spine stiffen as Derek slid up beside him, glass in hand, steely eyes staring resolutely forwards. Derek was the strangest mix of sharp and bright; like glass shards, always ready to cut but kind of twinkly in the light. Tom knew better than to trust it, but that didn’t mean he was immune to watching it catch the sun. He hated that a part of him would always admire that power Derek had over people – because he knew it wasn’t a good thing. People feared it. But they respected it too, Tom knew. He demanded attention, for better or worse, and attention was what even the best of human beings craved.

 

As Tom eyed Derek suspiciously, he could tell the other man was uncomfortable, something about the way his face twitched and the sound of him clearing his throat

‘I need to talk to you.’ It was rarely a good thing when those words came out of Derek’s mouth, but Tom turning to face him anyway, folding his arms and quirking his eyebrows in enquiry.

‘Oh really. And what did I do wrong exactly?’ he sighed airily, leaning back and looking at Derek sceptically, studying his expression carefully, immediately on guard. To his surprise, Derek seemed confused by his defensiveness and he scrunched up his face, reluctantly turning to look over at Tom properly.

‘What?’ he asked bluntly and Tom sighed heavily.

‘Well, I assumed you came to lecture me about something. It’s kind of how our relationship goes now, isn’t it? I put on an amazing show for you and then you tear me down.’

‘Oh grow up, Tom. I came here to say thank you. Although, for your information, _I_ put on the show – the musical director does the music. The clue is in the name.’ Tom blinked, the barb sliding straight off him as he tried to process Derek’s initial remark. ‘Oh don’t look at me like that, it’s bad enough that I have to come over here don’t make me regret opening my mouth,’ Derek huffed, looking away again so he could watch Karen across the room, talking animatedly to Veronica and Jimmy. ‘Look, what you said about...about me caving...’ Derek stopped, closing his eyes a moment as though he were in pain. To Tom’s surprise he wasn’t enjoying seeing Derek squirm all that much – because in a strange way it just reminded him of the friendship they had lost. They never used to have awkward pauses between the two of them; he and Derek had once been almost as good as he and Julia at reading each other’s minds. Derek was never one to let anyone finish his sentences for him, but that hadn’t meant Tom wouldn’t have been able to do it. To go from that to...whatever it was they had become since – the notion had always bothered Tom. Strangers who actually knew each other better than so many other people in their lives. Something damaged as much as it was lost. Derek trying to come up with the right words and Tom not having a clue how to help him – wasn’t that a sad place to have come to? Derek rubbed his hand over his face and sighed. ‘Just...you’re not always as wrong as I like to make out, ok? And maybe...maybe there’s a chance that you know what you’re talking about and maybe there’s a chance you’re right about that kid. As much as it pains me to admit it...you probably know me better than anyone else who’s here right now. And today you knew me better than I did. So...thank  you.’ Derek took a long swig of his drink. ‘And now this ridiculous conversation is over, let’s never mention it again, ok?’ He put his drink down on the side and turned on his heel. ‘Fantastic,’ he muttered under his breath, his voice heavy with sarcasm, his face twisted up as though he’d just bit into a lemon.

 

Derek didn’t wait for Tom to find the words to reply. Instead, he stalked off as sharply as he could, making a beeline for the drinks, leaving Tom to stare at his retreating form in amazement.

‘You’re welcome,’ Tom managed at last, rolling his eyes. But he wasn’t quite able to shake all the sentiment from his words. Because really – it had felt good to be able to help Derek today. But right now? He wasn’t sure what to do with Derek’s words. As blindsided as he had been by them, he wasn’t able to stop replaying them in his mind, overanalysing. After everything, he couldn’t believe that his traitorous heart wanted so badly for the two of them to be those people they were before, to have that friendship back. He knew it was impossible, he knew too much had happened. He could never trust Derek again – and frankly, the people they had both become since those days when they were close? They weren’t people who could be that in-tune anymore. But a part of him ached at the realisation of just what had been lost. The lost memories, the absence. And above all he ached for the lost possibilities. A grief for things he had never even had. Tom bit his lip, studying who was left in the room and planning an escape route; when his mind started over-thinking like this, he couldn’t be cooped up making small-talk, he needed to get out into the New York air and let his eyes be distracted by the blur of the crowds and the theatre lights. He was sure no-one would miss him too much, and frankly, after the day he’d had, he couldn’t be bothered saying any goodbyes.

 

As soon as the cooler outside air hit his face, Tom felt his head clearing. He leant against the wall and closed his eyes a moment, listening to the sounds of the city surrounding him, drowning out the sound of his own thoughts whirling around his brain. And then he heard the door opening again behind him.

‘Hey...are you ok?’ Tom looked up in surprise at the sound of a voice, and when he glanced back over to the doorway he saw Kyle Bishop standing there, his blue eyes shining in a hundred different hues in the shifting shadows. ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked I just...I came out for some air and you...you just looked how I felt and I...oh, God, now I’m rambling. I’m sorry.’ Tom couldn’t help but chuckle softly as Kyle fumbled for his words, not knowing whether to stay or turn and run down the street.

‘It’s fine, Kyle. Stop apologising.’

‘Sorr-’ Kyle froze immediately, cringing. ‘God. I’m such an idiot,’ he sighed, shaking his head shyly and turning his eyes skywards. ‘I just...you’re _Tom Levitt_.’ Kyle looked at him with awe-filled eyes, a grin touching his lips as he shook his head incredulously.

‘That I am,’ Tom laughed softly, pushing himself up off the wall. ‘But you’re Kyle Bishop – I got the impression from you that Broadway was in your future,’ he said with a smile, and Kyle blushed, looking down and shrugging awkwardly.

‘It’s probably not but...I’m working on it. And anyway; you’re already there,’ he pointed out quietly, before glancing back up at Tom. ‘I’m sorry about earlier by the way – when I get a project in my head I...I kind of can’t see anything else, you know?’ He let out a rueful laugh. ‘Maybe it’s for the best I was focused though – I probably would’ve just made an even bigger idiot out of myself otherwise.’ Kyle rolled his eyes and gave a self-deprecating smile ‘I basically lose all control over my mouth when I meet anyone from Broadway. And you...I mean, your music it just...’ he drew in a long breath before letting it slowly out, looking Tom in the eye as he tried to communicate the magnitude of what he was trying to say but without getting himself caught up with words. There was one of the most genuine smiles Tom had ever seen on Kyle’s face and it made him smile too.

‘Thanks,’ Tom said softly and Kyle gave a curt nod, looking down.

‘Anyway, I should...I should go. So...thank you. For everything,’ Kyle nodded, starting to back away and head out into the New York night.

 

Tom watched the younger man walking away for a moment, trying to think of something to say and wishing he was quicker with words. He knew he should thank Kyle, try and express how touching it was to know that his music mattered. But at the same time he didn’t want to spoil the moment by saying the wrong thing; it would be easy to come across as too arrogant if he didn’t think it through – it was something he knew he was guilty of doing to others in the past and he hated it, because really, taking a compliment was just not his forte, but always brushing people off with a joke never showed how much their words mattered and he just couldn’t find the balance. So, with a sigh, he turned away, securing his bag on his shoulder and stepping towards the street, leaning out in the hopes of spotting a cab. ‘Hey, by the way...can I ask you something?’ Kyle’s voice drifted back down the street towards him and Tom looked over his shoulder in surprise, searching the street for Kyle, and smiling warmly when he spotted him standing only a little way off.

‘Sure; ask away.’ Kyle’s lips twitched into a small smile and he took a few tentative steps back towards Tom, his eyes on the ground as he bit his lip.

‘What’s it like?’ he asked after a moment.

‘What’s what like?’ Tom frowned, tilting his head.

‘Having all that music in your head.’ A slow smile touched Tom’s lips and he folded his arms, taking a proper look at Kyle. He had such an open face; the kind that was trusting and trusted. But it was those eyes which stood out; it wasn’t the colour of them so much as the way they glittered. Kyle’s heart shone there, and how many people like that were there around in Broadway? How many people like that were even around in the world?

‘You’re a different one, Kyle Bishop, I’ll give you that,’ Tom murmured after a moment, chuckling before taking another few seconds to think how best to explain it. ‘Well...Karen said you were a writer; what’s it like having all those stories in _your_ head?’ he countered gently. Kyle’s smile was soft, distant, and those blue eyes of his still shone. He took a beat but eventually he nodded, looking up to meet Tom’s gaze.

‘It’s...sort of...overwhelming,’ he answered without hesitation and Tom’s own smile widened.

‘Overwhelming,’ he nodded. ‘Yeah. That sounds about right.’

 

 

***

 

_‘Who looks back on their life and remembers the day they woke up and there was nobody new at rehearsal? The show where nothing went wrong? Who is seriously out there telling stories about all the times someone arranged to meet them at a place to do something and they met and they did it and nothing else happened. Who remembers the guy who asked the same question everyone else always asked you? Come on. That’s not what we do this for.’ Bobby flicked his hair out of his eyes and offered his best friend a small smile. ‘You remember the days you fought with a drag queen. You tell people how the stage manager turned up drunk one Friday night. You care about the things you don’t expect, you know? The guy who tastes like strawberries. The secrets you told to some stranger.’ He shrugged, taking a sip of his drink ‘I don’t think people give enough credit to once-in-a-lifetime these days. They always want more, trying to drag everything out.’ Eyes flashing, he looked up, his grin bright. ‘That’s what this business is though – no two nights are ever what’s expected. I mean, God, who doesn’t get their heart broken after a night at a theatre? Not even kidding. This business is madness and goodbyes and moments you can never get back. Travelling shows pack up, play a new town, move on. Casts on Broadway have their run and then they leave, and you know that that group of people? They will never all be together like that again. No two performances are ever identical and even the best cast recording in the world isn’t perfect. And, yeah, sometimes you kiss the guy and never see him again.’ Bobby rested his chin on his hand and quirked his eyebrow as if in challenge. ‘But come on. It doesn’t matter one way or the other as long as what you do means something, right?’ He tilted his head. ‘I’m ready to laugh, Jess. And get my heart broken. And be mad about it. And move on. You don’t make stories by being ok all the time, you make stories when you don’t expect to make them. I mean...that’s how I met you, isn’t it? Are you really saying that’s a risk you wish you hadn’t taken?’ Jessica’s lips curved up and Bobby’s eyes sparkled fondly back at her. ‘Exactly. So let me do this. And I promise I’ll tell you all the stories I make. Even the ones I don’t tell to anybody else.’_

***

 

 

‘Get up, Sleepy Head, you’re being lame.’ Jessica groaned, opening one eye and rolling over in bed, finding herself tangled up in her own covers. Disorientated from sleep, she was convinced she had to be imagining Bobby’s voice, because he was rarely the first awake of the two of them and she was sure that he hadn’t even been there when she’d gone to bed last night. ‘Seriously. Get up. I have news.’ Jessica felt someone kicking her ribs and slowly she managed to get her head out from the covers, lifting it slightly from the pillow to look up and find Bobby sitting on her bed. ‘I brought bagels,’ he beamed when he saw her confused expression, and he waved his own half-eaten one brightly. Jessica laughed sleepily, rubbing a hand over her face and sitting up a little in bed.

‘What are you doing here, Chorus Boy?’ she asked through a yawn.

‘God, like you’ve never shown up in my bedroom uninvited?’ Bobby sighed, rolling his eyes and looking down at his phone. ‘Iowa needs people for a read-through. I said we’d both be there.’ He shrugged and looked up. ‘I figure if her and Derek can hedge their bets then so can we,’ he added, widening his eyes theatrically and flicking his hair off his face.

‘Why, you think there’s still a chance Bombshell could bomb on us?’ Jessica smirked, pushing the covers off her and pulling her knees up to her chest. Bobby simply pulled a face.

‘I think I was promised a read-through and they always end in drama so...I need to be there. And you need to be with me so we can gossip about it later.’

‘What’s it for anyway?’

‘You know that guy she’s been stalking? Handsome, high...kind of obnoxious?’

‘Oh...’ Jessica blinked in surprise. If a read-through was being done, then that musical must have come a long way in a very short time. ‘I guess that Ronnie Moore gig is giving him the kick he needed, huh?’ she added, arching an eyebrow. Bobby looked up from his phone.

‘Or Karen is,’ he shot back with a sly smile and Jessica smacked him on the arm.

‘Shut up! You know nothing about that situation,’ she said, trying not to laugh, but Bobby shrugged, his smile not showing a hint of fading.

‘Hey, I call it how I see it, Jessica. And the way I see it? Karen’s seen something she likes.’ His brown eyes glinted dangerously as he quirked his lips into a wicked grin. ‘I wonder how Derek feels about that,’ he added, laughing wildly as he ducked away from Jessica’s kick.

‘I’ll tell her you said that,’ Jessica warned him, unable to hide her smile from her voice.

‘Go ahead, Blondie. I already said it to her face like five times.’

 

After an in-depth review of the morning gossip pages, Jessica reluctantly set about getting herself ready, climbing off the bed and surveying the mess. Her whole bedroom was blanketed in discarded clothing and, even though he would never be able to stand it in his own room, Bobby thought it suited Jessica this way. The space was decorated largely in bright pinks and oranges, with an excessive number of cushions covered in sequins and beads and photo-frames of diamante and glitter. The slight sparkles and shimmers of all the scarves and dresses and odd shoes which were strewn on every surface caught the morning sunshine, making the whole room bright and hazy and it was hard not to smile in the dancing light. Jessica picked her way around the space, singing to herself, and Bobby watched her out of the corner of his eye, looking disparagingly at the items she was picking out. ‘Don’t wear that, why do you even have it?’ he sighed theatrically, barely looking up from his phone. Jessica simply threw the offending article at him, sticking her tongue out before disappearing into her closet to look for an alternative.

‘Why’s it even matter what we look like?’ she asked, before spinning back and leaning out of the closet with a playful grin ‘Does it have anything to do with that cutie-pie writer?’ she sing-songed, wolf-whistling for effect and finally getting Bobby’s full attention as he looked up at her and attempted to glare, grabbing one of her cushions and launching it across the room. She ducked back inside her closet, but the cushion still managed to hit her squarely on the back of the head, making her laugh. ‘You know that when you do that that I know I’m onto something, right?’ she asked him, looking back over her shoulder. Bobby chucked his phone down onto her bed and sighed, leaning back on his hands.

‘Kyle’s sweet, not gonna lie. But that’s kinda the problem, Jess. We all know how that story ends, don’t we?’ Bobby got up off the bed and began picking up items of clothing and Jessica sat herself down on the closet floor, crossing her legs to wait for him to pick her outfit for her. ‘It’s not even the point anyway. We’re going because I like new projects. Broadway pays the bills...barely. But a read-through with a piano and some friends? That’s kinda the reason we’re even in this business, isn’t it? That’s where the joy is.’ Jessica smiled at him softly, blue eyes bright with affection. ‘Well, that and a good show.’ Bobby grinned, pretending to think for a moment before inclining his head. ‘And Tonys.’ He shrugged and pointed a warning finger at her and Jessica stifled a laugh. ‘But not cute boys. That’s got nothing to do with it, ok?’ As Bobby turned back to examine one of the tops he found on the floor, Jessica pulled her knees to her chest and sighed, watching him incredulously.

‘Hey Monkey; when people say you’re honest like that’s a bad thing?’ Bobby turned to look at her and she smiled. ‘That’s coz they don’t know how beautiful your honesty can be.’ She winked and Bobby winked back before tossing a shirt in her direction.

‘Wear it, don’t wear it – just get ready already so we can go have fun.’

 

When they got there, Jessica and Bobby knew from page one what they were in for. Their eyes met immediately, Jessica quirking an eyebrow at Bobby to gauge what their strategy should be. Bobby wrinkled his nose, looking back down at the pages in his hand and sighing deeply, not bothering to hide from Jessica the glance he flicked at Kyle. After a moment he leant forward to whisper in Jessica’s ear.

‘No-one should step on a daydreamer. No-one should step on anyone that...good. It’d just be wrong.’ Jessica looked up at him, her smile lopsided. She understood what he meant, but at the same time, she’d never known him be able to bite his tongue.

‘You really think it’s the right thing to do to not be honest with him? This is his future,’ she murmured, her head tilting to one side as she watched Kyle talking to Jimmy and Karen. She knew what Bobby meant; Kyle was a good person and it shone out of him, he wasn’t someone she wanted to hurt.

‘Maybe it gets better as it goes along,’ Bobby sighed and Jessica looked up at him sceptically. ‘What, like you’ve never seen a terrible first page in your life?’ he remarked and she laughed.

‘Maybe I have. And I’ve definitely seen worse than this. But...you really think Derek’s going to come running for a first page that isn’t _amazing_?’

‘Hey – you really think Bombshell’s gonna crash and burn so bad that Derek’s going to care?’ he shot back, raising his eyebrows. Jessica sighed and looked back over at Kyle, her lips curving down and her eyes sympathetic.

‘Poor guy...either way, someone’s going to end up crushing his dream,’ she murmured. Bobby smiled.

‘Welcome to Broadway. Don’t call us...’ he flicked a glance and Jessica and she smiled sadly up at him.

‘We’ll call you,’ she finished with a nod, looking back down at the script in her hands.

 

***

 

_‘Oh my God, I have no idea how I wasn’t fired last night. Did you see it? It was a nightmare! Everyone basically thought I must’ve been drinking all day. I fell up the stairs to the stage! Like up them! Right in front of everyone. My hat fell off. Like flew off my head. And it hit Jess in the face so she was practically blinded for the next five minutes. And you know that bit where go like this with the newspapers?’ Bobby gestured dramatically, falling into character with ease and making the others laugh. ‘Yeah – I sent mine flying off the stage. Right into the wings. Nothing I could do to get it back. It was ridiculous. I was miming for the rest of the routine! And when I was supposed to pass it to Jess? She looked at me like I’d lost my mind coz I was literally just holding out an empty hand. I was passing her air and just expecting her to pick up my mime where I left off. She’d only just got her sight back from the hat incident and then I was handing her invisible props. The whole dance was screwed coz apparently I can’t make a single gesture without it being drama! Everyone on stage knew I’d messed up coz this piece of air was having to be passed down the line in one giant group mime act.’ Bobby sipped his drink, rolling his eyes. ‘There was this girl on the front row who was staring at me like I was the biggest screw up she’d ever seen on a stage in her life. I caught her in the interval reading her Playbill all like ‘How has he had this many jobs on Broadway when he can’t hold a newspaper?’. By Act Two she was full-on glaring at me the whole time. It was insane. I need to do damage control like all next week to make up for it. Seriously. I might never work again. Literally the worst show of my career so far. If my agent sees that? It’ll be ‘don’t call us we’ll call you’ for the rest of my life. I hope no-one was filming a bootleg.’_

***

 

‘Ok, guys, you can break there. Great run-through everyone. With any luck we’ll have you all out there for real soon.’ Bobby watched from the wings as the group onstage began to disperse, smiling as one or two familiar faces passed him on their way back up their dressing rooms. He still wasn’t convinced he should even be here and he made sure to keep his expression neutral, not wanting to run the risk of any of them coming up to him and making conversation. The text had come in from Leah a few days before, telling him that the first cover run for the new cast members at Wicked was scheduled for that morning; she was an old friend from his Hairspray days who owed him a favour, and, as she was one of the longest serving members of Wicked’s current ensemble, he’d gone to her the moment Dennis had left Bombshell. Leah had been surprised when Bobby asked her to look out for Dennis and let him know how rehearsals for the new cast members went; she’d expected Bobby to ask more of her after all the times he’d covered for her with their bosses back at Hairspray, but she was happy to help,  and when Bobby had asked her not to press him for his reasons, she’d not wanted to force the issue. For his part, Bobby wasn’t sure entirely why he wanted to check up on Dennis. Technically they were still friends, technically they’d parted on good terms. But things were always a little bit more complicated than that with an ex. And besides, he wasn’t stupid; he knew Jessica had been playing guard dog and there was no way Dennis would risk her wrath – everyone hated when Jessica was mad with them because they all knew just how much it took to get her that way and it was strange to see her sunlit face turn stormy. But as much as Bobby appreciated her kindness in telling Dennis to stay away, he didn’t want to lose a friendship over a failed romance. Whatever Dennis’ reasons for not trusting him, Bobby knew he was sweet and talented and deserved any break he got; Wicked was one of the most successful shows on Broadway and for him to be part of that and understudying such an important role was a big deal. So he was doing what he would do for any of his close friends; coming to support them.

 

As tough as it had been to risk his reputation and ask for a morning off from Bombshell, Bobby had to admit that Dennis had been worth it when he watched him; he made a beautiful Fiyero. Bobby stepped a little closer to the stage, peering across the stage to where Dennis was still standing, catching his breath and stretching out before gracefully jumping down from one part of the set to another, executing a perfect spin before he landed, that sweet smile on his face. He was looking down, unaware of Bobby, and Bobby knew it was his last chance to sneak out unnoticed. But, whilst Dennis might have given up on him, Bobby rarely gave up on anyone; he would mend this bridge if it killed him.

 

‘Hey Bambi – is this what you ditched us for?’ Dennis jumped at the sound of that voice, spinning around in surprise. That sound, the texture like coffee in winter, was recognizable in a heartbeat and the murmur of it washed through Dennis’ whole body; the recognition was instant before he’d even focused on where the sound had come from. He couldn’t help the smile which spread across his face when he saw him; leaning back with his arms folded, cocky and casual and ever-so-sly, his bright brown eyes glinting in the backstage light, one eyebrow arched as he flashed that dangerous smile of his. He was like that flash of colour when a prism caught the light, bright and unplaceable, and Dennis felt a pang of guilt because he knew – he just _knew_ – there wasn’t an ounce of anger there. But really, there should be, shouldn’t there? ‘Hey Dancer Boy, I came all the way over here and you’re not even going to speak to me? Come on. Are you coming over here or what? Now or never,’ Bobby grinned and Dennis laughed, shaking his head and quickly crossing the rest of the stage.

‘Are you going to let me hug you?’ he asked, hesitating a moment to regard Bobby carefully, never quite confident he knew what Bobby would say or do.

‘Ugh, fine – but don’t let anybody see it, Bambi. I’m the Bitch of Broadway, remember? And no-one here can know any different.’ Bobby flicked his hair out of his eyes and gave Dennis his most put-upon look as he let him hug him tightly, but Dennis caught the way he wrapped one arm around him and made no move to pull away sharply once their bodies met.

 

‘What are you even doing here?’ Dennis asked over Bobby’s shoulder after a moment, reluctantly pulling back to look into his eyes.

‘God, you go away for a few weeks and suddenly you forget all about me; I know people, Bambi. I’m basically _everywhere_ in this town,’ Bobby said, rolling his eyes, but he wasn’t able to hide his smile from Dennis. ‘You know Leah? Yeah, well, we were in Hairspray together. I told her not to date this guy Alex from my dressing room? And then she did and they’re still together now. She keeps in touch just to rub it in,’ Bobby added and Dennis laughed. ‘It’s a nightmare. I can’t get her to leave me alone. Really.’

‘What, so she just spontaneously told you it was my first cover run today?’ he said and Bobby shrugged.

‘Hey, what can I tell you; she’s a weird one. She dates Alex, after all.’ Dennis nodded, not even pretending he believed it, and Bobby didn’t put up much of a fight, not a hint of guardedness in his face. Bobby’s expression had softened and he gave Dennis a playful shove, breaking the moment. ‘So anyway; you looked great out there. You nervous?’ Dennis pulled a face.

‘I don’t know. It’s one of the most popular shows out there right now...it’s a lot of pressure but...I’m kind of excited. It’s fun, you know?’ He glanced away, looking out towards the stage and avoiding Bobby’s all-seeing gaze. ‘I miss you guys over at Bombshell though,’ he admitted quietly, biting the inside of his cheek.

‘We miss you too, Bambi,’ Bobby replied, giving his shin a small kick in order to pull his gaze back. Dennis looked back at him immediately, their eyes meeting, and somehow he knew that Bobby understood a lot of the words he couldn’t bring himself to say, and for that he gave him a thankful smile.

‘So...’ he breathed out, trying to untense his muscles. ‘Did you really just come here to tell me that or...?’ Bobby simply shrugged, his eyes still intent upon Dennis’ own.

‘Hey, Jessica doesn’t speak for me, ok? I don’t know what she said to you but...I’m guessing she said something, right?’ Bobby quirked an eyebrow and Dennis laughed shyly, glancing down with a small nod. ‘Yeah. Well, she can get feisty when she’s mad. And I know she just wants to look out for me coz...maybe I’ve given her reason to be worried in the past. But...the point is? You’re still my friend, Bambi. And I come see my friends do cover runs all the time.’ Bobby smiled lopsidedly, before straightening up a little and narrowing his eyes at Dennis playfully. ‘You’d better show your face at Bombshell some time though, ok? Coz we might actually get to Broadway this season...providing Derek doesn’t piss any more leading ladies off anyway,’ he grinned.

 

Dennis was about to ask after Jessica and Karen when another voice caught his attention.

‘Bobby?’ Dennis had been a dancer long enough to be able to read people’s body-language pretty well, and he saw the way Bobby’s spine straightened at the sound, his shoulders tensing immediately. He turned slowly, and Dennis was sure that he was holding his breath. It wasn’t like Bobby at all – the stillness and the caution – and it wasn’t something which Dennis enjoyed seeing on him. He frowned in confusion as he watched him, studying the way he trained every muscle in his face, the way there was nothing Bobby could do to keep his dark brown eyes from betraying him.

‘Kurt,’ Bobby said flatly as he saw who was standing there, and Dennis glanced between Bobby and Kurt curiously; Kurt was one of the new principals, a fairly well-known face on Broadway, but Bobby had never mentioned that he knew him, which struck Dennis as odd, because usually Bobby had stories about all his friends and he was always more than willing to share them.

‘What are you even doing here?’ Kurt asked, his expression hard to judge. Those green eyes of his were murky, his lips a straight line, but there was still a softness to his voice, whether that was from guilt, regret, or even hope, Dennis found it impossible to tell. What intrigued him more was Bobby’s expression; a conflict was playing out there, sadness and anger and a need to be strong, brown eyes shining in a way Dennis wasn’t used to seeing. He was standing close enough that he could hear the judder in Bobby’s breathing – even as he managed to flick his hair out of his eyes and quirk his lips into a line which was almost straight. Dennis could feel the energy rolling off him in waves as he used all of his concentration, determined not to crack, and Dennis could tell that whatever had happened between these two, it had been a serious event in Bobby’s life. He couldn’t help but think back to those last rehearsals before Boston and Jessica’s warnings about Bobby’s past – it had been so hard for him to think of vibrant Bobby as a broken thing then, but he saw it now and he wanted more than anything to try and fix him, but he wasn’t quite sure how, or if Bobby would thank him for trying.

‘Look, I didn’t come here to thrash anything out with you, ok? Dennis is a friend, I came for him, now I’m leaving. That’s all,’ Bobby said evenly, adjusting his bag on his shoulder and straightening up a little more. Kurt finally seemed to register Dennis’ presence then, glancing at him over Bobby’s shoulder with something almost like suspicion. Kurt seemed to make some sort of judgement on Dennis, his head nodding almost imperceptibly before he trained his gaze back on Bobby’s face, folding his arms.

‘There’s nothing to thrash out, Chorus Boy.’ Dennis saw Bobby wince at the sound of Kurt using that nickname – a reminder of affection lost, perhaps? ‘I think I was perfectly clear with you the last time we talked,’ Kurt added and Bobby looked down at the floor, his nerve finally losing out to the coldness of Kurt’s tone. For a moment Kurt watched him, his jaw working as though he wanted to defy his own words and keep talking, as though he desperately wanted to fix the crackling air between them, but instead he simply turned on his heel and stalked quickly away.

 

For a moment Bobby stood rigidly still. Dennis could still hear the shake in his breath and he placed a gentle hand on his arm.

‘Hey, are you ok?’ he asked. Bobby swallowed and glanced over his shoulder, looking out towards where Kurt was now standing onstage, talking with some other members of the company, his back turned pointedly to the wings.

‘Yeah. I’m ok.’ Bobby’s voice was smaller than Dennis had ever known it and he wished Jessica were there as he knew she was the only one in the world who would be able to fix it. ‘Kurt’s just...somebody that thought he knew me once,’ Bobby murmured sadly, before finally looking back into Dennis’ eyes with a small smile. ‘Turned out he didn’t. Know me, that is. Just in case you were wondering.’ Dennis matched his smile and gave his arm another small squeeze.

‘It’s his loss, Bobby.’ Bobby nodded, giving Dennis a tight smile. His brown eyes were shining with what Dennis knew were tears, but he would never tell. Bobby gave him a small nod then, slowly glancing away and breaking their shared understanding. Dennis quietly let his hand drop from his arm, but he still watched him in concern. ‘Are you sure you’re ok?’ he asked and Bobby looked back up at him sharply, rolling his eyes, suddenly all attitude once more.

‘Hey,  what did I tell you about having a reputation to protect?’ he warned and Dennis laughed softly, nodding. ‘Look, don’t be a stranger, Bambi,’ Bobby said, taking a step back and beginning to walk away. He glanced back over his shoulder to give Dennis one last smile. ‘And by the way? Don’t let Jessica bully you – she likes to think she’s a terror but she can’t stay mad at anyone for long.’

 

By the time Bobby got back to rehearsal, Jessica was about to lose her mind. She’d been struggling to concentrate all morning, knowing full-well that Bobby would never ask for a morning off if there wasn’t something important happening. But once Dennis texted her, she had come to realise that knowing what Bobby was up to was actually a lot more difficult than not knowing. Concentrating on rehearsal had become an impossible task when she realised where Bobby had been; two exes in the same show, one of them the worst ex of all, and yet Bobby had willingly walked in there? Jessica couldn’t stop fidgeting. No-one could mess up Bobby like Kurt could – and the only person who had come close? Dennis.

 

They were on a break when the rehearsal room door was finally pushed open and Bobby appeared. Jessica felt the relief at seeing him flood her entire system in an instant and she was on her feet before anyone else had even spotted him, abandoning a very confused Karen and Sue as she tore across the studio floor. She ran over to Bobby and barrelled into him, jumping up to throw her arms around his neck and holding onto him for dear life, not caring how much of a spectacle she was making, too relieved to see Bobby was still standing and not burying himself in bedcovers instead.

‘Hey, Glitter Bug. It’s good to see you too,’ Bobby laughed, perplexed by her obvious anxiousness but still lifting her up to return the hug.

‘Don’t even bother – Dennis texted me and I know everything,’ she told him firmly, leaning back just enough to look him in the eye. ‘You knew Kurt had joined Wicked and yet you still went over there?’ she asked and Bobby rolled his eyes. ‘Bobby!’

‘Hey, I can handle Kurt, ok? So stop worrying. And I can handle Dennis too, by the way,’ he said, but Jessica simply shook her head at him and sighed.

‘Just because you can doesn’t mean you have to, Bobby,’ she said softly and Bobby smiled up into her face, leaning their foreheads together.

‘Please; of course I have to. I always get the last word, remember?’ he told her softly.

‘But did you? Get the last word?’ Jessica pressed, hopeful. When Dennis had sent her that text she’d been scared Bobby wouldn’t show up to rehearsal at all; after everything it had taken to get Bobby out of bed the last time Kurt had spoken to him, she’d been worried it was going to end the same way again. But Bobby didn’t seem as panicked by the encounter as he would’ve been even a few months before, and that made her so happy she just wanted to hug him and not let go for a week..

‘With Kurt? Not so much – but honestly? He’s a lost cause and...I’m ok with that. Let him think what he thinks. You still love me, don’t you?’ Jessica shot him a withering look and he smiled, kissing her forehead and then leaning back. ‘Good,’ he said softly before giving an idle shrug. ‘And everyone else seems to like me just fine too... so really, what’s one enemy on Broadway?’ Jessica smiled softly at him, winding her arms around him more tightly and burying her face in the crook of his neck.

‘I love you, Chorus Boy. You’re the best person I’ve ever known.’

‘Back atcha, Glitter Bug. Now come on – stop being soft and give me all the gossip I’ve missed.’ Bobby made no move to let Jessica go and she smiled into his shirt.

‘Shut up, Bobby. I’m trying to have a _moment_ here,’ she muttered, enjoying the feeling of Bobby’s laughter bouncing against her ribs.

 

 

***

 

_‘You want to know something surprising about Bobby?! God. I don’t even...everything about him takes you by surprise! He’s just this...unpredictable bundle of energy! And when you’re with him, you never really know what’s going to happen next. But um...you know, you can name any country song and he will probably be able to sing you a word-perfect rendition on the spot. He can always make you laugh...but I guess that’s not so surprising really. Although sometimes those laughs will take you by surprise and it just makes everything ok with the world, even when it isn’t. Um...he once stole the photo of me and my boyfriend from by my bed and replaced it with this little Prince Charming doll...you know, the Disney one? Yeah. Coz he hated that boyfriend and he said I deserved better. Oh, and he can make the most amazing brownies, and he always has pancake mix and ice-cream in his kitchen. He cannot stand paper cuts, cracked phone screens or messy rooms and he likes folding things. Packing is one of his favourite things to do…and...and he is the kindest, funniest, most honest person you will ever meet. He’s just this...unexpected terror. And a thoroughly gorgeous soul.’_

***

 

Bobby groaned as he slid his key in the lock, barging the door open tiredly. He dropped his bags down to the floor at his feet the moment he was across the threshold, kicking the door closed behind him and tossing his keys in the general direction of his coffee table. As soon as the door thudded shut, Bobby let his shoulders sag, rubbing his hands over his face and letting out a yawn, all attempts at pretending he was fine quickly falling away. It had been a long day at rehearsal followed by a shift at the bar, which he’d ended up having to run the whole way to; Derek had asked for a few of the boys to stay behind and help him and Josh run through a few changes for the choreography in Act Two, and it had been a chance that Bobby couldn’t say no to, no matter how much his muscles protested. He knew it was a mark of respect to be trusted for the job, and it was the kind of favour his entire reputation was built on, so, with one eye on the clock, he’d agreed, even when he knew he’d end up working his bar shift half-dead.

 

It took a moment for him to collect himself, but finally Bobby pushed himself up off the door with a sigh, stepping over his bags and making his way towards the kitchen, the thought of his practically-bare fridge filling him with dread. When people dreamt of Broadway, they probably didn’t dream of the insane schedules that had to be kept to, or the dodgy TV dinners which were the only things you had the time and spare cash to eat. But even as he examined the desert of shelves in his kitchen, Bobby couldn’t bring himself to be annoyed. He still loved Broadway, even the bits no-one warned you about when you started out.

‘I could always try alcohol for dinner,’ he remarked dryly into the silence of his kitchen, rolling his eyes as he prodded at something encased in plastic that looked like it might have gone off. ‘After all, Jess isn’t around to tell me off,’ he added with a smirk.

 

Just then, Bobby heard a tentative knock on the door and he straightened immediately, turning around slowly. ‘Ok, there is no way she can have heard me say that from all the way across town,’ he said, widening his eyes as he crossed the room. He opened the door with a theatrical sweep, fully expecting to see Jessica on the other side. But it definitely wasn’t Jessica standing there. For a moment Bobby blinked, his brain struggling to catch up with his eyes, but then his lips twisted into a curious half smile and he tilted his head. ‘Kyle.’ Kyle Bishop. He gave Bobby a small nod, his hands still firmly in his pockets as he bit his lip, shifting shyly from foot to foot.

‘Hi...sorry to...Ana mentioned that you lived here and I...I’m sorry, this is stupid.’ Kyle sucked in a breath and for a moment Bobby thought he was about to turn right around and leave. Kyle clearly wavered, his body almost turning to leave before he suddenly straightened and looked up at Bobby, his expression pinched. ‘Look...do you um...do you maybe want to go somewhere?’ Bobby’s expression was still confused, and Kyle shrugged awkwardly, squirming slightly under that beady brown gaze as it scrutinized him. ‘I just...it’s been a tough night and...and I need somebody to talk to who won’t lie to me.’ Bobby arched an eyebrow. ‘I need someone to talk to about...everything. And the first person I thought of was...you.’ Bobby felt his lips curving up at the corners.

‘Are you sure about that?’ he asked tentatively, and Kyle let out a soft laugh. ‘I kinda have this bad track record for taking people by surprise,’ Bobby added, getting a wry smile from Kyle in return.

‘Yeah. I definitely got that,’ he said, rolling his eyes playfully and making Bobby smile as leant his head against the door. He was trying to get a better look at those sparkling eyes, to try and judge where this was going. ‘Listen, about what I said to you at the read-through...’ Kyle’s mouth kept moving but no words came out, and he looked up earnestly, his wide blue eyes meeting Bobby’s immediately.

‘It’s fine, Daydreamer. I was pretty harsh with you too,’ Bobby said, shrugging idly.

‘You were just being honest – I get it, you know? No-one gets it right first time and I...you were just trying to help. I get that now. It’s just hard when you work so hard on something and...you still can’t get it right.’ Bobby smiled quietly back at him.

‘But you figured it out,’ he said gently, and when Kyle looked at him in confusion he pulled a face, glancing away. ‘Karen showed me what you did to it when I left; you really pulled it together, Bishop.’ Kyle laughed shyly.

‘You saw that?’

‘Wow, so you think I just bitch and run, huh?’ Bobby grinned mischievously at Kyle, whose incredulous smile twinkled in his eyes as he laughed uncertainly. ‘I told Karen to show me what you did with it. Hey, I never said I didn’t like your ideas,’ he added with a roll of his eyes. ‘Anyway, Daydreamer, there’s a place down the street we can talk if you still want to. And more importantly? I can finally get a drink.’

 

It didn’t surprise Kyle at all that Bobby was the kind of person who would just accept his request without question; there was something about him that meant the unexpected rolled right off him, as though he’d taught himself to go into life without set expectations of any day, preferring to find surprise in everything instead. Kyle watched him at the bar, the way he leant across it laughing, those eyes of his wicked and bright as he exchanged some remark with the bartender, grabbing up the beers and pushing himself up like it was a dance, a few people turning their heads at the sound of his voice, knowing smirks on their faces as he glided past them. There was something about him which burst through the background hum of the atmosphere, and he smiled at Kyle like he knew all his secrets. To Kyle’s surprise that didn’t make him as uneasy as he thought it should. Bobby looked at him like he knew that too.

 

‘I read the reviews,’ Bobby stated simply as he flopped down into the booth, setting down a bottle of beer on the table in front of Kyle, another bottle in his own hand which he took a long swig from. Kyle winced a little and Bobby arched an eyebrow, his smile that same devilish one he’d had when he looked Kyle up and down back at the party. Yet when Kyle risked a glance up at him, he was surprised to see that the look in his eyes was much softer, quieter. The mention of the reviews had flooded his system with anxiety, but those eyes stilled him with a look. Besides, the thought of the mood Jimmy had been in earlier was enough to convince him to stay in his seat – if he didn’t then he had to face Jimmy’s anger and, frankly, he just didn’t have the strength. Jimmy sucked all the energy right out of him – but Bobby had energy to spare. And, for some reason which Kyle couldn’t fathom, whenever Bobby looked at him, he projected all that energy right onto him, like he was the only person on the earth who mattered at all.

‘I know it could be better, ok?’ Kyle murmured at last, looking down at the bottle in his hands, his brow furrowed. He heard Bobby let out a soft laugh and felt a soft kick hitting his shin under the table. When he looked up, Bobby’s eyes were still trained on him. The rest of the bar be damned – Bobby’s brown eyes saw only the bright blue of Kyle’s, that was clear.

‘Hey, I work at Bombshell, remember? Trust me, just because it’s on a stage doesn’t mean it’s ready to go. Everyone knows that, they make allowances.’ He shrugged. ‘I get it, you know? You did what you could – but the people in this town? They can be pretty awful.’ Bobby’s lips quirked up into a playful smile. ‘And remember – they might not get it coz it’s not _Broadway_. It’s not what they’re _used to_.’ He widened his eyes at Kyle pointedly, laughing wickedly when Kyle attempted to glare at him. ‘Did I get enough of the righteous anger in that or do you wanna try it?’ Bobby teased, and it was Kyle’s turn to aim a kick under the table, making Bobby giggle, putting his hands up in mock surrender before leaning back a little and taking a swig of his beer. ‘Look, you did good, Kyle,’ he said after a beat, suddenly all gentleness, catching Kyle off guard all over again. He looked up at him and Bobby offered him a wonky smile. ‘On paper...it works.’ Kyle smiled back at him gratefully.

‘Thanks...but...that’s not really what the people who saw it thought.’

‘You had a last minute stand-in. And _not_ one of the good ones like me or Jess. The people were expecting Karen – and since I basically trained her up? The people were expecting amazing,’ Bobby reminded him and Kyle couldn’t help but laugh in disbelief.

‘Do you just know everything?’ he teased and Bobby smirked, flicking his hair out of his face and striking a pose.

‘Basically, yeah,’ he said airily, making Kyle grin even wider, and Bobby smiled back at him, slumping back down and taking another swig of his drink. ‘Look, this business is terrible at giving out chances. But, you’ve got a second shot at it tomorrow – my advice? Hold your head high and plough on through. It’s how you survive in this town, Daydreamer. That’s just a fact.’ Kyle looked thoughtfully over at Bobby then, his eyes suddenly dazzlingly alert as they studied his face.

‘And is that what you do? Plough on through and survive?’ Bobby could see it in the way Kyle watched him that somehow he could see it; the fracture lines across the image he projected to the world. He looked down, staring at the corner of the label on his beer bottle, suddenly fascinated by the way it was peeling slightly. He began bending the paper back and forth with his thumb, but he could still feel Kyle watching him, eyes intent and unwavering. Bobby swallowed, steeling himself slightly, trying to smooth out the broken edges of himself as best he could before he spoke.

‘It’s what I’ve done, yeah.’ He took a breath. ‘Most of the time, anyway,’ he added quietly, giving Kyle a one-shouldered shrug before flicking a brief glance back up at him. ‘I try not to care but...despite the rumours? I am actually only human,’ he added and Kyle smiled a small, sympathetic smile. ‘The truth’s a bitch and so am I, I guess.’ Bobby swallowed, flicking the label on his beer bottle and taking another swig. ‘You probably think I’m terrible, right? I wouldn’t blame you...you certainly wouldn’t be the first.’

 

Bobby didn’t know how long they sat opposite each other in silence. That word ‘terrible’ – it hung in the air. It was sticky and humid and it tasted sour on his tongue. But Kyle didn’t seem to taste it, because his eyes didn’t flicker or cloud. He watched Bobby thoughtfully, his head leaning lazily back, his fingers drawing patterns in the condensation on his beer bottle. And then he leant in a little.

‘I don’t think you’re terrible.’ The words were so soft, so quiet, they almost disappeared into the sounds of the bar still buzzing around them. But they vibrated along Bobby’s skin and he felt his spine straighten, though he wouldn’t look up, still playing with the label on his beer bottle instead, afraid to look up for fear Kyle would see the shudder running through him. Kyle shifted slightly and Bobby could feel those blue eyes on his bowed head. ‘Not in that way,’ Kyle added in a murmur. Bobby’s brow furrowed and Kyle smiled slightly, kicking Bobby’s shin under the table, his blue eyes sparkling. That won him a look and finally he met his gaze, an uncertainty in his face which somehow Kyle didn’t feel belonged there. ‘You’re terrible because you’re brilliant,’ he said, shaking his head as though in disbelief. He set down his beer bottle and leant forward a little more, his eyes intent upon Bobby, who watched him silently, those thin lips of his curving into the faintest of smiles. ‘You’re like this...force of nature,’ Kyle sighed, gesturing with his hands for emphasis and making Bobby’s smile widen just a little more. ‘You’re terrible because you’re glorious and beautiful and...brilliant.’ Kyle paused, grasping for more words, his eyes turning skywards for a moment until he shrugged and looked back over at Bobby with a rueful smile. ‘You’re capable of anything,’ he insisted softly. ‘And that’s what really scares people...the people who _aren’t_ brilliant.’ Kyle looked down at his hands then, his smile fond and lopsided. ‘Because they doubt that they’re capable of what you’re capable of.’ He glanced back up into Bobby’s now-twinkling gaze. ‘There’s doubt in them. But there’s just...all this light in you.’

 

Kyle broke the gaze quickly. It was his turn to bite his lip and play with the label on his beer bottle. His turn to draw in a steadying breath. ‘But what I don’t know is...is how you even do that.’ He shook his head slightly and pursed his lips. ‘How...in all this craziness that happens in New York...in life...just...how? How do you do it?’

‘Do what?’ Bobby asked, resting his chin on his hand and Kyle laughed, rolling his eyes.

‘That magnetic, bowl-people-over thing,’ he smirked, incredulous that Bobby could possibly not know his own power. Bobby smiled wryly, leaning back in his seat with a chuckle before regarding Kyle carefully.

‘Ok. Broadway lesson time,’ he said, setting his beer down abruptly before sliding around the booth until he was sitting right next to Kyle. At the sudden movement Kyle had to look up, watching Bobby in confusion as Bobby smiled back at him unphased, a new mischief in his expression which danced in his eyes, lighting them right up amber. ‘You know...maybe I surprise people because I’m all _this_ and all _that_ ,’ he said, snapping his fingers in time with his words, striking two sharp poses before falling easily out of them and back into that strangely sweet yet sly smile of his, looking Kyle right in the eye. ‘But you know what, Daydreamer? _You have that too_.’ Kyle frowned at him but Bobby just shrugged like it was the simplest thing in the world. ‘It’s just different, that’s all.’ Bobby flicked his hair out of his face and arched an eyebrow at Kyle, who looked at him, wide-eyed and cautious. ‘People remember you coz there’s there are all these little sunbeams that fall out of you when you smile.’ Bobby touched a hand to Kyle’s chin, leaning in, and Kyle held his gaze without wavering. ‘That’s beautiful, you know?’ Bobby whispered.

 

Bobby’s kiss tasted of lip balm and cinnamon and Kyle leant into it, letting his eyes close for a moment as Bobby’s body twisted closer to his own. The kiss could’ve lasted a whole night or it could’ve only lasted a minute, Kyle couldn’t be sure. But he knew when Bobby broke away from him, with those eyes of his still glinting, that it was a kiss he would never have again.

 

Bobby slid round and pushed himself up from his seat and Kyle watched him in silence as he stood up, slowing turning back to face him, his thin lips forming a pale, gentle smile – a smile which Kyle never forgot. ‘In my opinion? You shouldn’t have any doubt in you either, Kyle Bishop. When the sun comes up tomorrow, you need to walk right back to Fringe and show everyone you’re not going to quit. One day all those people who slated you? They’ll just be a footnote on your story.’ Bobby smiled softly, taking a step back and shrugging. ‘There’s light in you too, Kyle Bishop – just stop forgetting to switch it on.’

 

 

***

 

_‘Yeah...that’s him. Bobby.’ Kyle watched the group, his head on one side, a distant smile on his lips. Bobby looked smart in his velvet jacket, his hair slicked back, his pretty best friend looking up at him excitedly as she told him some story about something. Jimmy frowned and followed Kyle’s eyeline, trying to figure out what the look meant and failing. ‘But there’s no story. I told you. It’s not a big deal, Jimmy. He’s just...something else. You can’t help but look at him, you know?’ Kyle shrugged. ‘Maybe it’s stupid but...I don’t want to risk him ever being anything less than unexpected to me. He’s like this supernova – and who wants to know the science behind that? You want it to just stay amazing and brilliant and far away.’ Kyle’s blue eyes glittered and he looked back up at Jimmy. ‘Why does there have to be a story? He’s the story, Jimmy. He’s unstoppable. I mean...look at him. He’s unstoppable. He’s...incredible. And...I don’t think he’s anything you think he is. That should be enough for you to be fascinated, Jimmy. So...I’m not going to tell you anything else.’_

***

 

‘So that’s it? You’re not going to tell me?’

‘Basically, yeah.’ Bobby was leaning idly against the barre, barely looking up from his phone as Jessica pouted at him. ‘Oh my God; look what Zak just sent me.’ Bobby tipped the phone screen in Jessica’s direction, ignoring her disgruntled look entirely. ‘I can’t believe he can afford a vacation right now, he’s like...the worst dancer on Broadway. Seriously. He actually dropped a girl right out of a lift once. She forgave him but the director never did. He was blacklisted for six months after that. It was ridiculous.’ Jessica rolled her eyes and huffed out a breath as Bobby’s eyes went back down to his phone screen and he began tapping out texts once more, his eyes narrowed in concentration. For a moment Jessica watched him, biting at her lip and trying to read Bobby’s secrets out of his face, but it was no use, there was nothing there for her to find. She wasn’t used to him not caving to her; Bobby would put up a fight with anyone, and would usually win, but against her he rarely even tried to stand his ground. His view on secrets was simple; they were only fun when you had someone to whisper about them with. And she was used to being his go-to person.

‘Ok, I can’t do it. Seriously! What are you up to, Chorus Boy?! You _have_ to tell me or I will burst!’ Jessica let out at last, coming out of her stretch to stamp her feet in frustration. She saw the corner of his lips curl into a smug smirk but he still refused to look up at her so she gave his arm a light smack. ‘Why won’t you just tell me where you were last night? Please?! I’m going to go insane with your games; you’re acting like it doesn’t matter and that makes me know, for sure, _it mattered_ ,’ she whined, folding her arms and staring him down. But Bobby was just as good at being stubborn as she was and he simply stretched his lean body out, catlike as he tipped his head backwards and closed his eyes, his expression somehow simultaneously knowing and mischievous as the sunlight washed over his skin. Jessica gave his arm another smack and Bobby chuckled softly at her pouting. ‘I know you were doing something, coz your phone was off for two  hours and that’s just not something you do unless you’re up to something. Or on a date...oh my goodness, were you on date?!’ Bobby rolled his eyes disdainfully and the excitement in Jessica’s eyes quickly cooled.

 ‘You should not know how long my phone was or wasn’t on for last night, it’s just creepy,’ Bobby said airily, laughing as Jessica aimed another smack in the direction of his arm, missing horribly when he ducked away at the last second. ‘Look, I told you; I went out for a drink and the rest is none of your business. I’m not telling on this one, Blondie. Move on with your life already.’

‘But you tell me everything,’ Jessica pleaded, blue eyes wide. It was a technique she’d practiced on her dad a hundred times as a child; she’d got Broadway tickets out of it one time, new dance shoes and countless items of clothing and jewellery. But Bobby was the first person she’d ever met who was immune to the bat of her eyelashes and her little pink pout. ‘Pretty please with a hot guy on top?’ she tried, quirking an eyebrow at him hopefully. Bobby laughed and shook his head.

‘Not telling, Jess. Get over it,’ he said with a grin, turning his attention back to his phone. Jessica sighed, deflating in an instant, and Bobby rolled his eyes, giving her a playful shove. ‘Stop sulking with me. I give you enough gossip already without you trying to find some where there isn’t any. God, Jessica.’ Jessica stuck her tongue out at him and both of them attempted to glare at each other, failing horribly as they broke down into giggles.

 

For a while they returned to an amicable silence, Jessica still half-heartedly attempting her stretches whilst Bobby didn’t even bother pretending, his eyes still firmly on his phone as he tapped out text after text at an alarming speed. But Jessica simply wasn’t capable of biting her tongue; no matter what he said, Jessica knew that something must have happened last night. Bobby was never unreachable – it just didn’t happen. He only turned his phone off when a conversation really mattered to him.

‘I just don’t get why you’re being so secretive.’ Bobby looked up with a smirk to find Jessica staring at him again, one hand on her hip, her eyebrows quirked up at him hopefully. ‘I thought we’d made a pact to not even try and have our own lives anymore,’ she added, wrapping her arms around Bobby and resting her chin on his shoulder, making no attempt to hide that she was reading from his phone screen as she did so. Bobby’s face creased into amusement, but he kept his lips in a firm line as he turned his head to look her in the eye.

‘I don’t remember signing anything, actually’ he pointed out and Jessica prodded him in the side. ‘What! I don’t!’ he laughed, elbowing her off him. ‘You just want to live vicariously through me, crazy lady,’ he added, brown eyes sparkling as he arched an eyebrow in Jessica’s direction.

‘Says the guy who had time to make me brownies the other day,’ she said with a grin, shaking her head at him. Bobby just wrinkled his nose and looked back down at his phone.

‘Ok. Stop. Seriously. I can- _not_ have people thinking I can bake. Not even joking,’ he muttered, widening his eyes for effect, but Jessica saw a slight smile on his lips all the same.

‘You’re sweeter than a candy-cane, you just hate admitting it,’ she grinned, wrapping her arms back around him and kissing him on the cheek.

 

It was a few minutes later that the rehearsal room door creaked open, and neither Bobby nor Jessica was paying sufficient attention to notice someone sticking their head in and scanning the room. Bobby was too busy texting and Jessica was too busy reading over his shoulder, and that was why, when Tom finally stepped fully into the room, the sound of his voice made both of them jump apart in alarm.

‘Bobby! Just who I was looking for.’ Tom was raking a hand through his hair as he crossed the room, his expression pinched but his blue eyes bright with excitement. The moment he heard those words, Bobby felt a thousand different rehearsals and concerts flash through his mind, his whole life playing out in people saying those very words to him and it ending badly, and he widened his eyes comically at Tom.

‘It’s never good when people say that to me,’ he remarked dryly and Jessica suppressed a laugh, elbowing him in the ribs as Tom shook his head slightly, looking Bobby up and down.

‘Is there ever a moment where you _don’t_ have your phone in your hand?!’ he joked, folding his arms, one eyebrow quirked, and Jessica looked up at Bobby pointedly.

‘Well there was a two hour window last night which he won’t tell me about,’ she said under her breath and Bobby slowly turned his head to look at her, his brown eyes narrowed as he fought off a smile. Jessica beamed innocently back up at him and he sighed, rolling his eyes before looking back at Tom. He smiled overly brightly at the older man, making a great show of sliding his phone into his pocket with a put-upon sigh and Tom smirked at the performance.

‘What did you want me for?’ Bobby asked, flicking is hair from his face and scrutinizing Tom cautiously. He was trying to work out the strange air of nervous excitement which was rolling off Tom in waves, attempting to gauge what he might be getting himself into. When Bobby looked at him like that, Tom was sure he could actually feel all of his secrets being pulled from him and it unsettled him slightly, so he straightened himself up a little. An old teacher’s voice rang in his head going ‘Think tall’ and so he tipped his chin up a little and sucked in a breath, giving Bobby a determined nod before he forged ahead.

‘Yes – I er...you’ve probably heard that I’m doing a little experiment with Heart, right?’

‘Sure.’ Tom didn’t even know why he bothered asking; if it was happening, Bobby knew about it, he’d learnt that a long time ago.

‘Good. Ok...well, I’m trying to get a few of the guys together but I’m short a DiMaggio today.’ Jessica raised her eyebrows at that, looking up at Bobby, her eyes sparkling in anticipation of what Tom was about to offer. ‘Now this needs to go well today or we lose Heart from the show, so I need someone I can rely on to get where I’m going with this, ok? Someone who’ll pick up fast and do a good job for me.’ Tom looked at Bobby hopefully, tilting his head and trying to judge if Bobby was following his chain of thought. ‘You think you’d be up for that?’ Bobby’s face cracked into a wide grin – a genuine happiness lighting up his brown eyes and making them sparkle in a way that Tom didn’t think he’d ever seen before. Jessica squeezed his shoulders tightly then, only just managing to hold in a squeak of excitement. It might only be for one song, but she was proud of Bobby for being everyone’s go-to when they needed someone. ‘You in?’ Tom pressed and Bobby pursed his lips in an attempt to hide his smile, leaning back a little and shrugging.

‘Yeah, I can help you out,’ he said, a playful glint in his eyes. ‘I get a raise though, right?’ he teased and Tom laughed, shaking his head.

‘ _Five minutes_. In the other room. Don’t let me down, Bobby – I’ve got Jerry and Eileen due in an hour,’ he said, before turning on his heel and leaving the room.

 

As soon as the door closed behind Tom, Jessica was bouncing, her hands clasped together as she grinned broadly up at Bobby.

‘This is so much fun!’ she said and Bobby laughed at her fondly.

‘God, anyone would think you were the one being pulled in for back-up,’ he said, wrapping one of his arms around her and tucking her into his side.

‘Stop. It. Will you just admit that you’re proud of yourself, for once?!’ Jessica said, looking him in the eye and folding her arms. ‘Your name is always first on everyone’s lips – and don’t you dare say “Of course it is, I’m fabulous” because I swear I will hurt you.’

‘But I am!’ Bobby protested with a wicked smile, getting a half-hearted smack on his chest from Jessica. ‘And anyway, should we really be so upbeat about this? I mean...when Derek sees Tom’s been playing round with his show, he’s going to lose his mind. I mean seriously. We’re talking day of the lobsters all over again and this time? It won’t even make as good of a story coz I won’t be the centre of it.’ Bobby rolled his eyes. ‘Tom is roadkill when Derek’s finished with him...you think Ivy could smuggle us into her show?’

‘Shut up,’ Jessica scolded him lightly. ‘Tom will save the song, Derek will be happy, Julia will stop sulking and we’ll all get to go to Broadway. This show is finally done with the drama and it’s going to stay that way.’

‘You’re so perky. It’s actually painful.’

‘I’m not even listening to you right now, Chorus Boy.’

‘Diva.’

‘Idiot.’

‘Princess.’

‘Secret-keeper.’

 

Bobby had a knack for spotting trouble, and occasionally for actively encouraging it, and Jessica supposed that, by now, she should be used to his predictions coming true. She was well-used to knowing looks of his being flashed at her across rooms when a situation turned sour at the exact moment he’d predicted it would and when Derek’s expression began turning stormy, she’d begun to prepare herself for the coming ‘I told you so’ speech when the inevitable argument brought rehearsal to an abrupt end. But, she suspected, even Bobby hadn’t guessed that Derek would outright quit. The stunned rehearsal room all had their eyes trained on the departing back of their snarling director, blinking dazedly, matching looks of astonishment on their faces. The door banged shut behind Derek and Jessica flinched slightly at the sound, biting her lip anxiously as she risked a glance over to the creative team. Tom threw his hands up despairingly, turning round to look at Julia, whose wide eyes turned slowly across to Eileen and Jerry. And then, out of the corner of her eye, Jessica noticed Bobby. His expression had been as shocked as everyone else’s less than a second ago, but now his eyes were narrowed slightly. Though his lips were still parted just a little, he was no longer watching the space where Derek had been. Instead, Bobby’s brown eyes were intent upon Karen. She was still staring at the door, her own eyes wide, her expression almost forlorn, and as Jessica looked between her and Bobby she realised Bobby was counting down under his breath. Five...four...three....Jessica looked back at Karen then and saw her flick a glance between the creative team and the door, as though she wanted desperately for them to take some kind of action and chase after Derek for her. Two...Karen let out a small, frustrated sigh, shaking her head slightly. One. Karen took off after Derek and Bobby quirked his eyebrow knowingly, shaking his head and looking down, trying to hide his smirk.

 

As Eileen fled the room, it was Julia who suggested they call an end to the day’s rehearsal, and the whole cast let out a collective breath they hadn’t even realised they’d been holding. Jessica quickly scrambled to her feet and dashed up to Bobby, wrapping her arms around him from behind, her eyes wide.

‘Oh. My. God,’ she breathed. Bobby was biting on his thumbnail, his eyebrows both raised as he tried and failed to hide how the developing scene was entertaining him, but when he caught Jessica’s eyes in the mirror he couldn’t hide his snigger.

‘Guess I’m not the biggest drama queen on Broadway after all,’ he grinned and Jessica tried to stifle a laugh, giving him a playful dig in the ribs and shaking her head at him.

‘You think he’s coming back?’ she asked softly and Bobby glanced down at her sceptically.

‘I don’t know...he didn’t look like he was planning on it,’ he remarked and Jessica tipped her head in acknowledgement. ‘I don’t think he feels like this show is anything to do with him anymore, actually. I mean...you saw him in the Public Relations run-through before. It looked like he was in actual physical pain. Seriously.’ Bobby widened his eyes and set about biting his thumbnail again, eyeing Tom, Julia and Jerry thoughtfully.

‘You really think he’ll just walk away though? Because Tom choreographed _one_ song?’ Bobby shrugged, looking down at Jessica with a rueful smirk.

‘He’s walked out on Tom before, though. All of Broadway knows that.’

‘But what about Iowa. Isn’t she his muse now or something?’ Bobby let out a chuckle and Jessica frowned up at him in confusion. He rolled his eyes at her, unapologetic.

‘Jess, I love you, but you’re insane if you think she can talk him down from anything. Honestly?  I think whatever connection he had with this show before? It’s gone. For real. Iowa or not, Derek’s not coming back. Swear to God.’ Jessica sighed, slumping slightly against Bobby, her forehead creasing in concern.

‘So what does that mean for us?’ she asked softly and Bobby let out a long breath, his expression doleful at best.

‘With this show? I wouldn’t be surprised if Marilyn Monroe herself showed up. It’s like the show that won’t die...we’re still going to be here when we’re eighty, Jess. Which is so not how I pictured my life going.’

 

By the time they were walking home, an uneasiness had settled over the two of them which they couldn’t really place. Derek quitting – even after everything else the Bombshell cast had been through in their time together – was a cataclysmic event which shook the foundations of everything. A new director could mean a whole new show, it could even mean a whole new cast. A chasm of uncertainty had opened up before them, and even with their years of Broadway experience, it felt dangerous to them. Bombshell was just one of those shows; one of those ones you couldn’t predict because it never took the easy path, yet always seemed to struggle on for the next leg of the trip, constantly adapting to adversity. But there had to be a limit to what a show could take before everyone involved just gave up and moved on – another of those classic theatre tales of a whole lot of work by a whole lot of people which would simply end up in a whole lot of nothing.

 

‘Bright side – if you thought we were having a rough rehearsal? Check this out.’ Bobby passed his phone over to Jessica and she took it eagerly, linking her arm through his as she read the article he’d brought up. A piece on Liaisons’ press day, which wasn’t promising great things. Bobby quirked his eyebrows, his eyes still on the article as Jessica skim-read beside him. ‘Sounds like Ivy’s actually had a worse day than us,’ he added. ‘I told her not to work with another movie star.’ Jessica shot him a half-hearted glare before turning back to the phone screen.

‘Be nice. According to this, they _love_ Ivy – it’s the rest of the show that’s the problem.’

‘Duh. Of course they love Ivy. She’s amazing.’ Jessica laughed and Bobby shrugged. ‘It’s just a fact. Anyway. That’s not the point. If the rest of the show sucks? People aren’t going to buy the tickets. Ivy’s perfect. Movie stars? Not so perfect. Nine times out of ten they can’t carry the shows the way people want them to so people would rather not spend the money to see the disaster. Just like if the show doesn’t have a director...’ Jessica gave Bobby a smack and he smirked at her unapologetically. ‘Ivy’s not even told us the half of what’s going on in that show, you know. I heard that there was some serious crazy going down in rehearsal. I mean complete insanity. We’re talking call-the-men-in-white-coats stuff here, Jess. It’s drama. Honestly. I have my spies and I know they wouldn’t lie to me.’ Jessica shook her head and handed him his phone back, trying not to let him catch her smile.

‘You’re a nightmare, Chorus Boy. Stop stirring,’ she said through a laugh, resting her head on his shoulder. ‘Ivy has been freaking out over this and all you can do is angle after gossip.’

‘Oh my God, you’re not seriously going to make me feel bad about that. I would die if I didn’t have stories to tell, Jessica. How many years have we even known each other? Check the BFF terms and conditions, Blondie; I can get away anything, ok?’ Bobby gave her a playful shove and Jessica laughed, shoving him right back.

‘Shut up – you get away with _nothing_ with me.’

‘Oh really? Then where was I for two hours last night?’ Bobby asked, eyes flashing as he waggled his eyebrows at her, his mouth curved into a smug smile.

‘I hate you,’ Jessica told him, sticking out her tongue. Bobby laughed and rested his head against hers and pulling her more tightly to his side.

‘You love me,’ he assured her. She tried to glower back up but he simply winked at her, releasing her from his grip with a smile on his face. ‘Everyone does, actually.’

 

 

***

 

_‘Wait...so...Tom is our director now?’ Bobby set down his drink, scrutinizing Karen’s face sceptically. ‘Oh my God. I can’t decide if I want to drink to forget or drink to celebrate. First-time director takes troubled show to Broadway? I can see the headlines now.’ He looked over at Jessica, arching an eyebrow. ‘You think I should bring back the lobsters to liven things up?’ Jessica swotted at him, laughing, and he grinned unashamedly. ‘Shut up, Tom likes me. It’s fine. Or we could always bring your dad’s dog – you wanna fill Karen in on your professionalism, Jess? Coz seriously, Iowa, she acts like it’s all me with the crazy drama, but there was this one time when Jess ended up on the stage in nothing but a towel and the director nearly had a heart attack. It was kind of beautiful actually.’_

 

 

***

 

‘It’s official; I’m never moving from this couch again.’ Jessica smirked and rolled her eyes as Bobby flopped backwards onto his couch. Bobby looked up at her incredulously. ‘Oh my God. You’re laughing. How are you laughing?’ he groaned. His arm was slung dramatically across his face but he peered out at her from under it, his eyes narrowed in a show of distaste. ‘You’re obviously getting more caffeine than I am – coz this right here?’ He gestured in the general direction of Jessica’s smiling face, frowning. ‘Too much.’ Jessica shook her head.

‘I forgot how much you hated tap,’ she laughed fondly, leaning across to slap lightly at his legs. Bobby shifted them without question, instinctively making just enough room for Jessica to nestle next to him amidst the couch cushions. ‘Come on, Chorus Boy – own up. You miss Derek, don’t you.’ Bobby let out a long whine of disapproval, scrunching up  his face and giving Jessica a half-hearted kick in the ribs when she laughed.

‘I don’t miss his barking, if that’s what you mean,’ he countered, widening his eyes and pouting slightly. ‘I miss being able to actually breathe in National Pastime, yeah. But I _do not_ miss the barking. Oh my God. I will never miss the barking.’ Jessica smiled, crawling over to lie next to Bobby, resting her head against his chest as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

‘You have to pay a high price for oxygen in this town,’ she sighed and Bobby rolled his eyes.

‘You have to pay a high price for everything in this town,’ he muttered, flicking his hair out of his eyes. ‘God, I had like the cheesiest grin on my face for that whole three minutes – it was killing me. I was ready to hit him over the head with that baseball bat by the end.’

‘Who, Tom or the new choreographer?’

‘Neither of them – I was talking about Derek for quitting,’ Bobby grinned wickedly and Jessica laughed, elbowing him in the ribs. ‘Ok fine. Maybe the new choreographer...what’s his name even? Travis? Tripp? I think I’d lost consciousness by the time it actually came up.’

‘Don’t ask me – I was busy counselling Iowa.’

‘Oh my God. Please tell me we’re not gonna have to train her up all over again. I do not have the strength. Seriously.’ Jessica pinched Bobby lightly and he yelped. ‘Hey! What was that for? You know you were thinking it too.’

‘Yeah but I didn’t say it, jerk!’ Jessica laughed. Bobby laughed softly, pinching Jessica right back and eliciting a muffled squeak from her. She pushed herself up a little and narrowed her eyes at him. ‘You’re proving my point, Chorus Boy,’ she pouted playfully and Bobby kissed her nose, winning him a smile. ‘You’re so much nicer when you don’t talk,’ she teased.

‘Shut up, Blondie. I’m feeling bitchy and oxygen-deprived.’ Jessica smirked.

‘And you’re grumpy when they make you tap dance,’ she added.

‘Yeah. Because I’m not a dancer, I’m a chorus boy. There’s a difference,’ Bobby huffed, wrinkling his nose slightly. ‘One advantage of the Dark Lord Derek? He hated tap as much as I do.’ Bobby paused, a rueful smirk forming on his lips. ‘Well... _almost_.’ Jessica laughed, shaking her head at him.

‘Karen wants him back you know,’ she said and Bobby rolled his eyes.

‘I figured from the way she keeps moping round the rehearsal room. Iowa is so easy to read when she’s miserable – it’s like the Lost Puppy School of Pouting.’ Jessica began to protest but Bobby ignored her. ‘What? It’s the truth isn’t it?’ He shrugged. ‘Honestly, I’m Team Tom. He’s got some good ideas, you know? And we’re not constantly waiting for the next rant.’ Bobby gave Jessica a sidelong glance then. ‘You know Karen’s been sneaking round behind our backs telling Derek everything that’s going on, don’t you? I saw her texting him in rehearsal the other day. She wasn’t holding back either.’ Jessica bit her lip, looking down. She knew Bobby was right, but she didn’t want to lose a friend over a difference of opinion on directors in some show. ‘She’s being a pain, Jess. I cannot be dealing with her anymore.’

‘Bobby,’ Jessica whined and Bobby rolled his eyes at her.

‘I’m sorry, ok? I’m just telling you the truth. But hey, I promise I’ll say it to her face if it comes up,’ he offered with a smile and Jessica looked up at him, her expression somewhere between amused and incredulous.

‘Like that will make it better?!’ she laughed and Bobby shrugged.

‘What?! God. There’s no pleasing some people,’ he teased. ‘Anyway, Iowa isn’t as dumb as she looks. She saw us laughing all the way through rehearsal, I’m pretty sure she knows full well I find her and Tom endlessly entertaining. Hey, I’m rooting for her to be a pain – more fun for me to watch. I mean...hurry up and fight already. Give me something I can really laugh at.’

‘Oh shush, don’t be mean,’ Jessica protested weakly.

‘You were the one giggling, Blondie,’ Bobby grinned, his eyes devilishly bright and Jessica shook her head, glancing down. ‘You think coz your smile’s so sweet and you bury your face in my shoulder that nobody knows? But actually, we all know. Don’t even try and lie about it,’ Bobby smirked, giving Jessica a prod.

 

For a while the two of them settled into silence, Bobby’s eyes trained on a spot on the ceiling, his mind seemingly somewhere else entirely. Jessica curled herself more tightly into his side, pressing herself against his chest and enjoying the feeling of the rise and fall of his breathing and the muffled sound of the city outside. ‘You know, dancing is supposed to just be fun. Performing is supposed to be fun. This business wears you down every day with sweat and gossip and drama. But when you nail a number? It’s supposed to feel amazing. But with Iowa...I feel like she’s one of those people that needs to be bleeding by the end to feel like she’s achieved something. She’s striving for _art_. That’s why the chorus wasn’t enough for her – we were all having too much fun.’ Jessica smiled sadly and Bobby sighed, blowing his hair of his face. ‘I think that’s why she likes Derek so much. All that suffering makes her feel more like she’s achieved something at the end.’

‘Maybe,’ Jessica agreed quietly, closing her eyes a moment. ‘God. The theatre is such a lousy place sometimes,’ she murmured into Bobby’s shirt. He squeezed her and planted a kiss into her hair.

‘Theatre is awful. We should all hate Broadway already,’ he told her, resting his chin on top of her head. ‘But it is still magical too.’ Jessica felt the corners of her lips twitch up. It was moments like this that she knew that she had a best best friend on Broadway. Because Bobby was honest and cynical and sharp, but he had an unshakeable belief in what he did. He was one of those rare creatures in the modern world; someone who believed it was possible to find magic at a matinee. ‘You know, when I was a kid, my parents were basically convinced I must have been dropped in the house by aliens or something.’ Jessica laughed and Bobby shared a smirk with her, rolling his eyes for effect, the light dancing in them as he remembered. ‘I was basically the weirdest kid in the whole neighbourhood. Everyone knew who I was coz they all kept asking my parents if they were sure I was ok,’ he grinned. ‘I scared the neighbours so much they practically begged my parents to put me in classes or something. But it was just this hugely weird concept to them – that it was something people did, you know? They’d never even been in a theatre and they had this kid who knew more about Broadway than they ever had. They’d go to yard sales sometimes and buy me old Playbills and cast recordings and I’d go learn these shows off by heart and teach myself steps and they saw how happy it made me so they’d keep doing it. I’d been performing so long I think the idea of putting me in classes for it was weird to them – I’d started it off my own bat, you know? I think they figured it could stay that way. I had to beg them before they took it seriously. They had an eight-year-old swearing to them he’d be on Broadway someday and it was so ridiculous to them but they had to do something just to shut me up.’ Bobby smiled and glanced down at his hands, giving a small shrug. ‘No-one in my family believed me, right up until I got the swing job at Producers.’ Jessica smiled fondly up at him, squeezing him tightly. ‘The whole idea of what Broadway is...it was magic to me. But I came from a family that didn’t really believe in magic being a thing once you got past the age of twelve.’ Bobby rolled his eyes and Jessica let out a laugh. ‘But seriously? When a show comes together and the whole cast hit their marks and the audience is just lost to it? That is the only form of magic that’s even left in the world now. How is anyone supposed to grow out of that?’

‘I guess they’re not,’ Jessica whispered, her blue eyes glittering with affection as she looked up into Bobby’s face.

‘Exactly.’ Bobby widened his eyes for emphasis, making Jessica laugh softly. ‘The theatre is a nightmare and Broadway is awful – but when you walk down and see all the posters and the lights? You have to forgive it. It’s what all of us do. I mean, look at Ivy.’

‘You’re like a regular little Peter Pan, Chorus Boy,’ Jessica teased, flashing a mischievous smile up at Bobby, who pulled a face at her.

‘Ok, you did not just say that.’ He pushed himself up on the couch, rolling off it and getting to his feet. ‘So I’m going to get us some food and pretend we never had this conversation already.’ Jessica laughed at him.

‘You’re so uptight,’ she retorted, knowing that Bobby wouldn’t stand for the put-down and beaming when she saw the flash of mischief lighting his eyes. She let out a shriek as he pounced on her.

‘You bitch!’ he laughed as he set about tickling her, ruthless as ever. As he fell back onto the couch he was quick in using his superior upper-body strength to push her back against the cushions and pin her down, leaving her helpless with laughter, attempting to kick him off her but to little avail. They playfully wrestled for control, both laughing as Jessica squirmed.

‘Bobby!’ she yelped feebly, and Bobby paused a moment, his hair falling in his eyes.

‘What do you say?’ he asked, one eyebrow arched. Jessica tried to catch her breath, smiling up at him, blue eyes sparkling.

‘Sorry?’ she tried and Bobby grinned.

‘Exactly.’ He let himself fall back to the other end of the couch, trying to get his own breath back, his brown eyes still dancing wickedly. ‘Now what do you want; pizza or Chinese food? Or do you want to insult me some more and see how far it gets you?’

‘Pizza please,’ Jessica smiled, batting her eyelashes at him sweetly and Bobby nodded, giving her one last playful kick before getting up off the couch and reaching for his phone.

‘Done.’

 

As Bobby phoned for the pizza, Jessica made her way over to the kitchen to grab the beers, trying to smooth her hair down, her cheeks still hurting from laughing. Given all the drama at Bombshell, the past few weeks had been mostly spent with the rest of the cast, dancing, drinking and gossiping about the future of their show, and as much as both she and Bobby loved being out with the rest of the ensemble, it made a nice change to spend the night in.

 

Jessica pulled her hair out of its ponytail and reached for the fridge door, but her hand stopped halfway when she spotted something odd in amongst Bobby’s notes and photographs. Poking out from behind a magnet was an article she hadn’t seen before, something which Bobby had obviously taken the time to cut out of some tiny column in a magazine.

‘Hey, what is this, Chorus Boy?’ Jessica asked, frowning slightly as she leant in to get a better look. Bobby glanced up from his phone, curious.

‘What’s what, Glitter Bug?’ he asked, putting his phone down on the side and pulling himself up to sit on the kitchen counter. Jessica lifted the article out from under its magnet, studying it carefully, her brow still furrowed in thought.

‘This article...hey is this Iowa’s thing? That bad-boy composer and his sweet little writer friend?’ She glanced up at Bobby, who was looking down at the floor, biting his lip guiltily.

‘It’s nothing,’ Bobby insisted, looking back up at her with a roll of his eyes. Jessica arched her eyebrow sceptically.

‘Spill,’ she demanded and Bobby laughed.

‘Honestly it’s just...’ Bobby stopped and let out a long sigh, leaning back on his hands and taking a moment to figure out how to explain his peculiar attachment to Kyle Bishop. ‘You remember the other week when I disappeared for a couple of hours and I wouldn’t tell you why?’ Jessica’s eyes went wide and she gasped.

‘I knew it! You like the writer don’t you! Did you go see his show without me? Is that why you didn’t want me to know?’ Bobby laughed at her enthusiasm, shaking his head.

‘God, Jess, calm down. He came to see me – he wanted to clear the air, I think.’

‘You two did part on awkward terms,’ Jessica acknowledged dryly and Bobby flashed her a wry smile, looking down thoughtfully.

‘Yeah. Well...he wanted to talk to me. And we talked. And that was the end of it.’ Jessica narrowed her eyes at him.

‘Seriously?’ she asked and Bobby shrugged.

‘Seriously. That’s the beginning and the end of the story. He’s sweet, we talked, it was nice and now we’ll probably not ever see each other again.’

‘Then why do you have something about his show up on your fridge?’

‘Coz,’ Bobby shrugged. Jessica smacked him on the leg and he laughed, looking back up at her. ‘What?! I just wanted to know that...that he did it. I needed to know that what I said mattered, that’s all. I’m not moping around over this. I swear. It’s not even...it’s just a thing that happened. And...I’m glad it happened and I wanted to remind myself of that. That’s all, ok?’ Bobby smiled lopsidedly, his expression almost wistful. ‘It was one of those nights you don’t talk about with anyone else, Jess. You save ‘em so that nothing changes the memory. And that’s all I’m ever gonna say, so...let’s drop it, ok?’ Jessica studied Bobby’s expression before letting out a reluctant sigh.

‘Fine, Chorus Boy. It’s dropped.’ She leant in, meeting his eyes. ‘But if you want to talk...?’

‘Hey, you’re my go-to girl, ok? Always.’

 

 

***

 

_‘Is there stuff we don’t tell each other? God no. I mean, honestly? Jessica lives in my head – if I’m not telling her something she will know about it. Seriously. Like, we have secrets, but there’s sort of...an understanding between us that even if we don’t talk right away? It will come out. It’s just what we do. It’s like the one thing in my life I can absolutely depend on and I’m fine with that. The last time I kept anything big from her it all came out in the end and it turned into the worst fight we’d ever had and I hated it. But just coz we already know all the stories, it doesn’t mean we ever quit having these total what-the-hell moments with each other. I’ve had conversations with Jess about the most random stuff. Like, we never stop surprising each other. Swear to God. The day I know exactly what will happen on a night out with Jess is a day our friendship stops being fun.’ Bobby grinned mischievously. ‘It’s never gonna happen though. Come on, this is the theatre – who even knows what ridiculous situation we could be thrown into next. She came into my life and all these stories and stupid conversations came with her. And I’m pretty sure she’d tell you the exact same thing about me.’_

***

 

‘BOBBY!’ Jessica’s laughter echoed down the street, followed closely by the clicking of her heels. ‘Slow down, I can hardly walk in these shoes!’ It was the night of Liaisons’ opening and somehow Bobby had managed to get tickets for the two of them, perhaps for more selfish reasons than they’d care to admit in front of Ivy; Bobby liked any excuse for drinks and a dance and Jessica liked any excuse to dress up and buy new shoes. Besides, Ivy had been dropping subtle hints all afternoon that they would be in for a surprise come curtain-up and Bobby could never resist a good story. ‘Bobby! Seriously!’ Jessica squealed, tottering down the street after her best friend, who laughed remorselessly and made no move to slow down.

‘Catch me if you ca-an!’ he sang, spinning around to skip backwards, sticking his tongue out at Jessica before running on ahead.

‘Oh my God, you’re a _nightmare_!’ Jessica cried after him, running precariously after him and just managing to grab a fistful of his jacket, slowing him down enough to make a leap for his back. But Bobby didn’t miss a beat, catching her easily and grabbing her up into a piggy-back, both of them still laughing somewhat breathlessly.

‘God, Jess, what did you have for breakfast? You weigh a tonne,’ Bobby complained as Jessica wrapped her arms more tightly around him and she smacked him round the head with her clutch.

‘Shut up and run,’ she told him, trying not to laugh and Bobby smirked, turning sharply and suddenly to spin her round, making her shriek yet again.

‘BOBBY!’ Jessica gave him another smack but she couldn’t hide her laughter and it mingled with his in the cool evening air, echoing all the way down the street. ‘I’ve lost a shoe, you idiot!’ Jessica gasped out and Bobby rolled his eyes.

‘You can’t even walk in them, what does it matter?’ he countered, but with another smack from Jessica’s clutch he let her down from his back, watching with amusement as she hopped up and down the street, grabbing up the shoe and  wobbling dangerously as she balanced, trying to slip it back on.

‘Ok, ready,’ she said triumphantly, hurrying back over to him, and instinctively Bobby turned around, just in time to catch Jessica as she jumped up onto his back once more.

 

They were still laughing by the time they reached the bar, arguing good-naturedly about Jessica’s shoe collection and Bobby’s willingness to make a show of himself. He set her back down and held the door open for her in a sweeping gesture any chorus boy would’ve been proud of as Jessica continued to mock him.

‘It’s called showmanship, Jessica,’ he told her dryly and Jessica pulled a face at him.

‘It’s called being an exhibitionist, actually.’

‘Wow, it’s like you’re not even grateful that you know me.’

‘Oh I’m grateful that I know you, I’m just not sure I want to be seen with you.’

‘Shut up.’

‘Only if you do.’ Bobby shot Jessica a glare, trying hard to fight off his smile, and Jessica stuck her tongue out at him, pulling herself up onto a barstool and flashing him her sweetest smile. ‘So, are you buying us the drinks, Chorus Boy? Or am I going to have to find myself a new BFF?’ Her blue eyes glittered with mischief and she rested her chin on her hand, batting her eyelashes at him. ‘I think Sue’s free tonight...or I could always give Iowa a call...’

‘Please. We both know I am irreplaceable,’ Bobby sighed with a roll of his eyes, sitting on the bar stool next to hers and leaning across to catch the bartender’s eye. ‘Hey Luke, you think you could get us some drinks over here? This one’s getting tetchy already,’ he called. Jessica prodded him in the side.

‘I don’t know why I come out with you,’ she pouted and Bobby grinned.

‘Er, because I’m amazing? I mean, honestly. I don’t know why you ever come out _without_ me, actually.’ Jessica shook her head despairingly at him but chose not to argue. After all, she’d be lying if she said she’d ever had as much fun on nights out without him.

 

The two of them huddled together conspiratorially as they drank, lost to their own world entirely separate from everyone else at the bar. Bobby’s laugh was wicked and bright as he told stories from his school days, which they both knew Jessica had heard before but could never bring herself to be tired of. This was the bar they’d come to the first night they met, and being back again took Jessica back to that memory. Bobby had come out of nowhere and taken her life by storm that day – in a burst of colour he’d come along and made himself a part of every corner of the city, transforming New York into a map of their friendship. Every street was a memory now, every corner a story. There was something about being back in the spot where it had started that brought on a rush of gratitude and she smiled over at Bobby, leaning in even closer so she could look him in the eye.

‘Hey, Chorus Boy, do me a favour? If there ever comes a day when I tell you I don’t want to be your friend anymore? Please don’t believe me for more than like...a second.’ Bobby smiled back at her, also leaning in and keeping his face close enough to hers that she could count every one of the colours in his eyes.

‘If there ever comes a day when you tell me you don’t want to be my friend anymore? I will be throwing a drink over your head, you bitch,’ he grinned, and Jessica laughed as he lifted his glass up to hers in a toast. He flashed her a quick wink as their glasses clinked together, his smile assuring her that he had faith in her. ‘Now come on, you need to drink up or we’re gonna miss the show. And we both know Ivy would not be impressed if we ditched her for cocktails...again.’

 

It was a cool night, and Jessica shivered slightly as they stepped outside. The breeze stung her cheeks, whipping her hair across her face, and, whether it was the alcohol or the change in temperature, she felt suddenly fragile. Wordlessly, Bobby shrugged off his jacket and handed it to her, unsure how he even knew but immediately feeling something in her still and calm, the fragility gone and replaced with affection as he helped her slip the jacket on. She kissed him on the cheek and linked their arms together.

‘You’re a star.’

‘I’m a chorus boy, actually.’

 

By the time they got there, the theatre’s foyer was overflowing with people and Jessica couldn’t help but laugh as she saw Bobby mentally cataloguing them all. He could never walk into a room without working out who was who, who he knew and who he knew would give him a story to tell later. As late as they’d left it to arrive, the doors were obviously still not open, and various journalists could be seen swooping about, their beady eyes doing a similar sweep of the room to Bobby’s, creating the exact same maps in their mind of who was there and what information those people could give them. If it wasn’t for his distaste for passing bad information, maybe he could’ve made a good Broadway gossip columnist – but then the thought of Bobby anywhere but on a stage was strange to say the least and she shook it off, turning to Bobby to voice the absurdity to him, keen for one of his snappy put-downs and some banter. But as she turned to look at him, she saw that his eyes had come to rest on one person in particular, a distant smile on his lips which she didn’t see there often. She followed his gaze and raised her eyebrows in surprise when she saw who he was looking at.

‘Is that your daydreamer?’ she asked. Bobby’s smile widened.

‘If you mean is that Kyle? Then first of all? He’s not mine. And second of all? Yeah, that’s Kyle...and Jimmy...and...I think that’s Tom, actually,’ he said, his eyes still looking Kyle up and down thoughtfully. Jessica tried to gauge the look on his face but she couldn’t quite place it and she gave him a small prod in the side, determined to force him to look her in the eye so she could try and get to the bottom of whatever was going on in his head. ‘What?’ Bobby asked, attempting to keep his expression neutral. But Jessica knew ever muscle in his face and she looked back at him levelly.

‘Are you sure you two just talked the other night?’ she asked him bluntly and Bobby laughed.

‘Oh my God. Yes. I’m sure,’ he replied, rolling his eyes before looking back over at Kyle. Jessica frowned and folded her arms but Bobby simply tilted his head to one side, his expression turning thoughtful. ‘I mean...I kissed him. Once.’ Jessica’s eyes widened but Bobby’s expression remained quiet, his brown eyes shining almost amber as he smiled a soft smile. ‘I kissed him. And it didn’t taste of strawberries.’ He looked over at Jessica and shrugged, their eyes meeting, that amber colour making them glitter even more brightly than usual as he locked his gaze with hers. ‘It was a moment, you know? It was one of those moments that should only happen once. I kissed him. And now we’re back to being strangers – only now we’re strangers who kissed each other once, just to find out what it tasted like.’ Bobby’s smile widened and his eyes shone as Jessica looked back at him incredulously.

‘I don’t believe you,’ she countered and Bobby shrugged.

‘Then don’t.’ He laughed softly as Jessica’s surprised expression, shaking his head and looking over at Kyle’s now-retreating form. ‘It’s not the point, Jess.’ He looked back at Jessica with a shrug. ‘I’m pretty sure he’s the sweetest guy I’ve ever known. And...that’s the only story I want to tell on this one. Besides, I’m pretty sure he’s in love with his best friend so...’ For a moment Jessica paused, studying Bobby’s face, until suddenly something he’d said struck her and she straightened a little.

‘Wait... _it didn’t taste of strawberries_?’ she asked. Bobby smiled almost shyly, looking across at Jessica, his brown eyes regarding her in way which told her no-one else would get away with asking him that question. ‘Is that relevant to this story?’ she pressed.

‘It didn’t taste of strawberries, no.’ He looked down, bumping his shoulder against Jessica’s and biting his lip. She studied his face carefully and was sure she could see the dimples in his cheeks. ‘But...maybe I don’t mind that.’ Jessica raised an eyebrow. ‘Maybe I’m holding out for a better strawberry kiss.’ Jessica smiled and slipped her hand into Bobby’s, resting her chin on his shoulder. It was a confession which took her by surprise slightly, but when she saw the look on Bobby’s face, she didn’t want to question it. It was his heart – he was allowed to risk it getting broken if he thought it was worth it. She gave his hand a squeeze.

‘Then I hope you get that strawberry kiss you’re holding out for, Chorus Boy.’ Bobby glanced over at her and she smiled at him, her blue eyes shining. ‘I’m rooting for you.’

 

 

***

 

_‘Well that was one for the scrapbook – OW! Jess, quit it, I’m trying to text. Ivy, can you deal with her whilst I spread this gossip, please? Your show is dead already so, honestly, I don’t even see the problem. God, and stop glaring, both of you! I’m telling you the truth. We all know you’ll get another job in a heartbeat – I don’t see why a movie star falling off a swing is some big secret. The press all saw it too, I’m just trying to beat them to the story. It’s basically the reason I was put on this earth and you cannot stop me so don’t even try.’ Bobby shrugged casually, regarding Ivy out of the corner of his eye. ‘You know, you should maybe try being nice to me. I just got a text from Iowa...I think you might wanna hear what she said...’_

***

 

‘Well hey, stranger.’ Bobby looked up from over his shades, resting his chin on his hand and flashing his brightest smile at Karen as she flopped down into the chair opposite him. ‘I got you coffee. Hope you know it’s your turn to buy next time.’ Karen took the coffee from his hands with a smile, shaking her head at him.

‘You’re unbelievable, you know that?’

‘Says the girl who called me to come get coffee with her on a Sunday morning.’ Bobby rolled his eyes. ‘This better be good, Iowa; Jess is probably at my place right about now, dialling 911 to report me missing.’

‘Well sorry for trying to stay friends,’ Karen laughed and Bobby laughed too. ‘I just needed some advice, that’s all.’

‘Wow – and you came to me? I’m touched.’ Bobby took a sip of his coffee and flicked his hair out of his eyes, leaning back in his chair. ‘And not gonna lie? I’m more than a little intrigued.’ Karen smiled at him and Bobby grinned back at her over the rim of his coffee, quirking an eyebrow at her. ‘Remember when you were new and inexperienced and you thought I was the devil who couldn’t be trusted?’ he teased.

‘I never said that!’ Karen protested weakly and Bobby chuckled.

‘Keep telling yourself that, Iowa. We both know the truth. What I don’t know is when I became your go-to advice guy on a Sunday morning. Especially since we’re not even in the same show anymore,’ he said. Karen nodded, looking down into her coffee with sigh.

‘Yeah. This is kind of about that actually.’ She flicked a look back up at Bobby, whose brown eyes were regarding her carefully, looking her up and down the same way he had back in the early days at Bombshell. ‘You know Broadway better than anyone else – Ana’s my best friend and she’s no fool but...she doesn’t know the theatre the way you do. Even Jessica doesn’t. So I need to you be honest with me...do you think I made the right decision quitting Bombshell?’ Karen bit her lip, looking cautiously over at Bobby, whose thin, pink lips were curved into a smile she couldn’t quite read.

‘Well I know Ivy thinks so,’ he remarked, eyes glittering. ‘And Tom too, actually. And probably Derek and Kyle and what’s-his-name with the mood swings.’ Karen couldn’t help but laugh and Bobby smiled warmly back at her, shrugging. ‘Hey, it’s true. Everyone has an opinion in this town. And it’s usually whatever works out best for them. Even you know that by now, right?’ Bobby regarded her out of the corner of his eye and Karen rolled her eyes at him, smiling softly. ‘Yeah. Exactly. The point is, when you take away the lights and the Tonys and the drama – you’re supposed to be here because you live for seeing what new thing the theatre’s going to throw at you each day. We’re supposed to pick shows we want to be in because we’re excited to be part of them, not because you think they can fast-track you to the stars. You’ve got to figure out what matters more, Iowa. Starring in a Broadway show this season, or following the thing that came out of nowhere and knocked you right out.’ Bobby looked at Karen with those knowing eyes of his and she felt sure he could read every one of her thoughts. His smile was gentle but his gaze intense and she looked down quickly, letting out a sigh. ‘Honestly, I think you made the right choice. Not coz I want you gone, not coz I want your part...not coz I want anything out of you.’ Karen risked a look back up at Bobby then, curious. ‘I’m saying it coz – I love being part of an ensemble. And I don’t think anyone should judge me for that. And you love the songs in that show. No-one should judge you for that either.’

 

 

 

***

 

_‘Hey, Bobby. It’s Dennis. I was just calling to say...to say...actually, you know what, it’s late and I should probably just...it was nothing anyway. It was nothing. Sweet dreams, Chorus Boy. I’ll see you around sometime, maybe.’_


	8. The Ones When We Were Defeated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter runs from the start of The Bells And Whistles to the end of The Surprise Party and it's got a lot of things going on: more Bobby backstory, more Bobby and Jessica friendship, some Ana and Kyle friendship, Ivy and Tom friendship, Ivy and Bobby friendship, there is more Bobby/Dennis and some Tom/Sam, Tom turns to Bobby for advice, Sam turns to Bobby for advice and Jessica deals with someone from her past, there is even the barest whisper of some Bobby and Jimmy interaction if you squint. There's a lot going on, in other words, so let's get on with the show...!

 

 

_‘Honestly?’ Bobby huffed out a breath. ‘Yeah.’ He shrugged. ‘Yeah. It is your fault.’ His gaze turned downwards. ‘I’m not going to bullshit you, Jimmy. Not even today.’ Jimmy’s expression was twisted, pain, anger and disbelief all fighting for dominance, but Bobby didn’t break, still staring resolutely away from him. ‘It’s your fault.’ A small pause. ‘It’s your fault for being an ass and it’s Karen’s fault for not leaving well enough alone. It’s Derek’s fault for always pushing everything to breaking point and it’s some driver’s fault for not stopping fast enough.’ A small pause. ‘It’s the universe’s fault for trusting this fucking city with someone with a smile like his.’ Bobby bit his lip. ‘Hey, maybe it’s my fault too. Maybe I’d should’ve taken a chance and called him...first time in my life I settled for one kiss and it ends like this.’ He flicked a glance up at Jimmy, his brown eyes a haunting amber under the Broadway lights. ‘I get it, you know? You fought him – you fought everyone – and you lost. And you’re just left feeling stupidly helpless, right? But at the same time...you just know it has to be all your fault, there has to be a reason why it’s all because of you.’ Bobby smiled a smile that didn’t come close to reaching his eyes. ‘Yeah. Dictionary definition defeat.’ He rolled his eyes and swallowed. ‘So you’re just left staring at the wreckage, convinced there must have been something you could’ve done better. And it sucks.’_

***

 

The air was cool as Jessica finally bounded out into the street that morning, doing a complicated half-skip step to avoid tripping herself up as she rummaged around in her bag for her still-ringing phone. Dodging people and traffic, her heels tapping rhythmically on the tarmac, she tried to sort through the debris, grabbing up a tangle of headphones, keys and make-up and digging through a layer of random trinkets from post-rehearsal drinking sessions with Bobby, trying to find where the dim light of her phone screen was emanating from. She finally spotted what she was looking for a half second before the ringing stopped; the image of her and Bobby – their faces slightly-too-large as they grinned too close to the camera, Bobby’s brown eyes absurdly wide – flashing one final time before fading out to be replaced by the missed call sign, the words ‘Chorus Boy’ in block capitals underneath. With a rueful smirk, Jessica rolled her eyes and swiftly slung her bag back over her shoulder before making a breathless dash across the street and picking up her pace once more, bobbing and weaving her way through the city.

 

She’d sent him the distress signal well over an hour ago; she was running late and wouldn’t be able to meet him for coffee before rehearsal. He’d texted her back in seconds with a promise that he’d get the coffee to go and meet her at the usual spot – because Bobby was a star who never needed telling what to do in a crisis. Of course, since then she had managed to make herself even later; not being able to find anything in the sprawling mass of clothes and sequins which was her bedroom was part of it, though if she was honest, stopping to put on a full song-and-dance musical number when her favourite song of the moment had come on the radio was probably the real reason that she was now having to run just to keep her lateness down to ten minutes. But she knew Bobby would wait.

 

Eventually, she spotted him from halfway down the street, and, somehow, he’d already managed to pick her out in the crowd, those beady eyes of his dancing playfully as he smirked at her half-jogging towards him. He was leaning against the wall, his body twisting, cat-like, making him look as though he had been poured into place at sunrise to watch New York rush by him. His limbs were languid and his posture almost lazy, but those eyes of his were all life and he licked his pale pink lips slightly as he pushed himself up off the wall, unfolding himself slightly and flicking his hair from his eyes.  
‘Hey, Loser,’ he greeted, no irritation in his voice at her later-than-late arrival. ‘Coffee,’ he added as she came closer, holding out a coffee-to-go that smelt reassuringly strongly of vanilla. Bobby had had her order memorized since the week they met – a small thing but something which always touched her nevertheless.

‘Your karma is golden, Chorus Boy,’ Jessica half-hummed, closing her eyes a moment as she took a sip of the proffered coffee, letting out a contented sigh as its warmth slid down her throat.

‘I want that in writing,’ Bobby shot back, linking his arm through hers, his smile affectionate, even as she elbowed him lightly in the ribs.

 

‘Sorry I’m late,’ she said after a moment, because she felt she should apologize, even though she knew he didn’t require one. Bobby’s thin lips twisted into a wry smirk and he regarded her out of the corner of his eye.

‘You’ve been saying that since that day we met, Jess. I’m kinda getting used to it by now,’ he remarked, flicking his hair from his eyes yet again and looking away, his smirk becoming a grin. ‘Literally, actually – weren’t they some of the first words I ever heard you say?’ He laughed when she nudged him in half-hearted protest. ‘So what was it; your clean clothes and your washing piles merge again? Or were you starring in your own movie-musical in time to the radio?’ Jessica pouted; he officially knew her too well. ‘I mean after you slept through your alarm, by the way. We’re talking about the other fifteen minutes it took you to get here now.’

‘Shut up,’ Jessica laughed, nudging him again. But when Bobby met her with a knowing sidelong glance she had to roll her eyes in defeat, trying to hide her smile by taking another sip of her coffee. ‘Fine. It was both. And your karma is getting less golden by the second,’ she muttered from behind the rim of her coffee cup, barely managing to conceal her smile when Bobby let out a wicked laugh in response. ‘Thank you for giving me caffeine before you mocked me,’ she added dryly and Bobby smiled, glancing down with a casual shrug.

‘That’s because you’re my friend – special treatment.’ Jessica shook her head fondly.

‘Aw, I’m touched,’ she retorted and Bobby gave her arm the tiniest of squeezes.

 

For a minute or so, the two of them walked wordlessly, Jessica leaning close as Bobby steered them through the New York crowds.

‘So...I got a call this morning,’ Bobby said quietly, sliding on his trusty sunglasses as the brightness of the morning sky began reflecting of the city’s polished exterior, and Jessica looked over at him from the corner of her eye, trying to read his face and finding his expression unusually guarded. ‘My parents.’ A smirk briefly graced his lips as he flicked a brief glance in Jessica’s direction. ‘They send their love to the daughter they never had, by the way.’ Jessica smiled softly and Bobby shook his head, a small chuckle escaping him. There was another moment of quiet in which Bobby let out a small sigh and Jessica watched him thoughtfully, blue eyes bright with concern. ‘Anyway, they told me they probably couldn’t make it out here for Bombshell any time soon.’ Bobby shrugged. ‘I mean, God, I was expecting it, but at least wait ‘til my show’s opened, you know?’ Jessica smiled sympathetically, leaning her head on Bobby’s shoulder.

‘I’m sorry, Chorus Boy.’ She looked up at him, her expression turning playful. ‘But I promise I’ll come see you in Bombshell every night,’ she added. The corners of Bobby’s lips curled up and he laughed softly, planting a kiss on the top of her head.

‘Thank you,’ he murmured into her hair and she squeezed his arm.

‘Don’t even,’ she warned gently, nudging him slightly as they exchanged understanding smiles. ‘Besides, who says Bombshell won’t run forever?’ Bobby laughed.

‘Er – everyone? Literally half of Broadway. Seriously, Jess, your optimism is terrifying,’ he shot back, eyes flashing, but Jessica ignored him.

‘Have a little faith. We’re getting Ivy back, remember – and you know she won’t go down without a fight.’

 

‘Are my ears burning?’ As if on cue, Ivy Lynn’s voice drifted through the air, and Bobby and Jessica turned in unison at the sound, Jessica’s blue eyes wide and excited.

‘Ivy!’ she exclaimed, beaming with more glee than a six-year-old who’d just seen the toy they wanted in a shop window. She bounced on her heels, handing off her coffee to Bobby, before rushing over to wrap Ivy in a tight squeeze. Bobby and Ivy laughed at her fondly, exchanging smiles over Jessica’s shoulder.

‘Well it’s good to know someone’s missed me at least,’ Ivy smiled, returning the hug. ‘And what about you, Chorus Boy?’ she asked, her and Jessica both turning their expectant blue eyes on him, their eyebrows arched in matching expressions of inquiry and mischief. He leant back slightly, giving them his most put-upon sigh.

‘Oh my God, do not even start with me,’ he said, barely smothering the smile on his lips, and Ivy shook her head at him.

‘I’ve missed you too, Bobby,’ she chuckled and Bobby flashed her a wink.

‘Course you did, I’m amazing.’

‘Regretting taking this job again?’ Jessica laughed, glancing up at Ivy with a playful grin.

‘Oh, please, by this point I’m just amazed the part is still here for me to have.’ Ivy couldn’t hide the happiness from her face and she let out a long sigh, glancing over at the building, hardly believing she was really standing outside for her first day back with the rest of the cast.  ‘I might be asking you guys if I’m dreaming for the next few weeks, if that’s ok with you?’ she added glancing back at Jessica and then over to Bobby, who simply rolled his eyes.

‘Please, if this was a dream right now? I would not even be with you. I’d be on an island somewhere drinking cocktails with hot guys who adore me. Instead? I’m stuck in a room full of girls, running Let’s Be Bad for the millionth time. Seriously.’ He pulled a face and both Jessica and Ivy laughed at him, exchanging a knowing glance. Ivy folded her arms, attempting to smother her smile into a pout.

‘Don’t I at least get a hug, Chorus Boy?’ she asked and Bobby’s lips quirked into a sly grin. She half expected him to come up with some sharp retort, but then she noticed that those brown eyes of his twinkled much more softly than usual and he took a step towards her, wrapping his arms around her in an embrace which surprised Ivy with its warmth. This was the sort of hug Bobby usually only reserved for Jessica.

‘Was it worth keeping the book open for?’ he asked her quietly, his breath tickling her ear slightly. She squeezed him a little tighter, smiling a smile which was made up of too many emotions to really count. Although affection for the bitchiest chorus boy on Broadway and his peculiar sweet streak was definitely in there.

‘ _So_ worth it,’ she murmured back. She pulled back from the hug to look him in the eye, keeping her hands resting on his arms. ‘Seriously, Bobby – thank you. So much. For Boston...for having more faith in me than I had in myself, for not letting me do something really stupid...just...for everything. You’re a real friend. And God knows there’s precious few of those in this business.’ For a moment Bobby held her look, an understanding smile resting briefly on his lips before he quickly straightened his body and tipped his head to one side, one eyebrow quirked.

‘Wait...I don’t remember anything happening in Boston. Jess?’ Bobby glanced over at Jessica and Ivy did too, finding her smiling knowingly.

‘Can’t think of anything,’ she confirmed. Ivy laughed, shaking her head slightly and looking between her two friends thoughtfully.

‘Well, thank you for nothing, then. I mean...that is why I’m actually having this moment right now. And I can’t thank you both enough,’ she said softly. Jessica leant her head on Ivy’s shoulder then, wrapping an arm around her and squeezing tight, and Bobby simply winked at her, brown eyes dancing with light.

 

Bobby’s capacity for gestures had always been something Ivy had liked about him, even in the days when she’d dismissed him as some outrageous chorus boy with a big mouth and an even bigger ego. And, in one of his finest gestures to date, as the three of them had neared the rehearsal room, he had unhooked his arm from hers, tugging Jessica gently ahead and insisting that Ivy wait a while and give herself the grand, solo entrance she deserved. She’d laughed at him fondly as he’d said it, but now, with the cast all flocking round her with whoops and claps, she took the gesture more seriously, another rush of gratitude overcoming her. As Sue and Beth both wrapped her into a firm hug, she could just see Bobby over their shoulders. He was leaning on the barre at the back of the room, a knowing smile on his lips. Like everyone else he was clapping, though he had one eyebrow arched as he met her eyes, Jessica standing at his side, beaming brightly, raising her coffee cup in a toast as the rest of the cast chattered away excitedly to Ivy, completely oblivious to the two people hanging back from the fuss.

 

Once Ivy finally made it to the back of the room, Bobby didn’t look up from whatever gossip it was he was reading on his phone, but his lips did curl into a devious smile.

‘Told you a grand entrance is always better,’ he said, and Ivy simply shook her head at him despairingly, setting down her bags.

‘So, guess who’s coming to stay with me this week?’

‘The Queen of England?’ Bobby asked, not looking up from his phone, and Jessica smacked him on the arm. ‘God, Jess, it might’ve been,’ he said huffily, rolling his eyes and rubbing the spot on his arm Jessica had just smacked.

‘Go on, Ivy,’ Jessica smirked, giving Bobby a small dig in his side for good measure.

‘You’re gonna look really stupid when she says the Queen of England,’ Bobby muttered, turning back to his phone. Ivy smacked him on his other arm. ‘Oh my God, what is wrong with you people? It’s like you don’t even appreciate being in my presence,’ he wined, sliding his phone into his pocket and sighing theatrically. ‘Is it Sam, by any chance?’ he asked and Ivy just stared at him a moment, her mouth open.

‘Did you seriously just ruin my surprise?!’ she asked him through a laugh. Bobby shrugged.

‘Mormon’s got downtime. I hear things,’ he said, smirking slightly as Ivy continued to stare at him incredulously.

‘He’s been my best friend for years, I don’t even notice him doing it anymore,’ Jessica put in, shaking her head at Bobby slightly before wrapping an arm around his waist and resting her chin on his shoulder. ‘So Sam’s back, huh? You got anything planned?’ she asked.

‘Please say cocktails, please say cocktails...’ Jessica gave Bobby yet another smack for that and his face creased up into laughter.

‘Ok, first of all? Sam is more of a beer at a sports bar kind of guy. And second – it’s downtime from tour. I’m basically resigned to him doing nothing but sleep for a week.’

‘Urgh. I could never take a tour,’ Bobby said, wrinkling his nose slightly.

‘What if I was on tour?’ Jessica asked him.

‘Shut up. You wouldn’t do that to me, Blondie.’

‘I might.’

‘Not gonna happen. You couldn’t live without me supplying you with brownies.’

‘Wait, you supply Jess with brownies?’ Ivy asked, wide-eyed.

‘Don’t go getting any ideas, Marilyn. I do not have the time. Not even kidding.’

‘He hates when people find out he can bake...he doesn’t like people knowing he actually has a heart in there.’

‘Oh my God. _Jessica_. Seriously.’ Bobby widened his eyes for emphasis, folding his arms and pouting slightly.

‘See,’ Jessica giggled, making Ivy laugh.

‘Shut up or I’m never talking to you again,’ Bobby told her, trying not to smile.

 

It wasn’t until lunch that Bobby touched on the subject of Sam again, flopping down onto the couch in the corner of the room and nearly knocking Jessica off the arm of it.

‘This is going to end in disaster.’ Jessica rolled her eyes at him.

‘Be nice,’ she chided him, wondering how many times they had had the same exact exchange over the years. ‘What are you even talking about anyway?’ she frowned.

‘Sam coming back here.’ Jessica’s frown only deepened. ‘Ivy’s just gone out to meet him, said she was going to try and talk him up here.’ Bobby shrugged idly, looking up at Jessica with expectant eyes. ‘It’s going to end in disaster.’

‘Oh don’t,’ Jessica sighed, giving his shoulder a small shove, and she pulled her knee up to her chest to rest her chin on it. ‘How?’

‘Sam hates the tour.’ When Jessica looked at him in questioning Bobby rolled his eyes. ‘I told you; I hear things.’ Jessica laughed at him softly.

‘I don’t see why that means the end of the world, Chorus Boy.’

‘Oh my God. Do I have to do all the brain work around here? Seriously. It’s like you’re not even trying, Jess.’ Bobby pushed himself up a little, leaning across conspiratorially, his glittering eyes turning in Tom’s direction, looking him up and down that way he so often did. ‘Sam hates the tour. Tom loves pleasing people. Sam loves Tom. Tom hates being alone,’ Bobby said in low whisper, arching an eyebrow and looking back up at Jessica before falling back against the couch cushions with a flourish. ‘Disaster,’ he said simply, folding his arms. Jessica bit her lip.

‘You really think it could end in tears?’

‘This is Broadway; you actually think there’s any other way it can end?’

 

On another day, Jessica would’ve liked to have pushed him, countered him – because really it was nothing to do with Sam or Tom or anyone, it was about their friendship and the way the two of them communicated. They had their own language fraught with what an outsider might have mistakenly labelled as dysfunction, but the two of them were content to play with it always, enjoying the ease with which they could trade insults and disagreement without either one taking it to heart. There was something reassuring about bickering with Bobby; Jessica thought he was too much of a pessimist and Bobby thought she was too naive, but neither one of them would’ve wanted to change the other for anything. And so there was a familiarity to their arguments which Jessica found comforting; the tit for tat and the way it would usually end in him calling her names and her sticking out her tongue at him like they were two six-year-olds fighting over lollipops in the playground. He’d even pulled her pigtails before now, eyes all mischief as he told her she was an idiot for the millionth time since they’d met. It was safe in a way that fighting with anyone else wouldn’t be. They were always arguing about insignificant things which somehow became big and important to the two of them, all of it coming back to the fundamentals of who they were as people and the way they looked at the world. But Bobby’s eyes were already down at his phone now, and Sue was already at his ear, and people were hovering around them, someone – Jessica thinks it’s Beth – is asking for one of his stories, because they could all use the laugh given the workload in front of them before Bombshell reaches opening night. Bobby, of course, indulged them all, his grin sly as he told them all about the time his friend Zak had dropped a pizza on the head of the mayor, and when Joy insisted that he had to be lying, Jessica smirked instinctively.

‘You haven’t met Zak,’ she muttered, rolling her eyes, just catching Bobby’s glance and not being able to help sharing in the knowing chuckle he let slip.

 

Bobby began matter-of-factly going over the story of his and Zak’s friendship, Jessica still perching on the arm of the couch with a faintly amused smile on her lips, shaking her head and rolling her eyes with fond despair at all the right moments – chipping in with information where she could, filling the convenient gaps Bobby left in his story in a vain attempt to hide the fact that he was almost as big an idiot as Zak was. As usual, their group hung on Bobby’s every word, and Jessica knew he was enjoying the attention; his head tipped back to just the right angle, his posture all lazy nonchalance but his smile devilish and proud. She loved him then, or at least, she loved him in a more conscious way than usual, in a rush that brought a smile to her face. Just for the sheer ridiculousness of him, of his ego and his stories and the way he let her interrupt him, even though no-one else would be allowed to.

 

They were all still laughing when Ivy returned, so caught up in the story of Jessica’s first encounter with the famous Zak that they almost didn’t notice the familiar figure at her side. Naturally it was Bobby who stilled first; always with one eye on the doorway, looking for his next story. Jessica was laughing softly, and her lips were just curving upwards at the corners as she leant across ever-so-slightly to continue her story when she felt Bobby’s elbow jab lightly into her side. She followed his gaze and her blue eyes widened in surprise.

‘Sam!’ she smiled before folding her arms and arching an eyebrow. ‘I can’t believe Ivy coaxed him up here,’ she remarked and Bobby simply smirked, eyeing Ivy and Sam as they made a beeline for Tom.

‘Disaster,’ he sing-songed, watching the conversation between Tom and Sam with twinkling eyes, and Jessica smacked him on the shoulder, trying to hide her laugh.

 

He only quietened when Sam came over, something about Sam’s presence cooling him, subduing him in a way, and he sagged back against the couch cushions ever-so-slightly, letting the others fire greetings and questions Sam’s way. Jessica knows that Sam is one of the few people in New York who Bobby doesn’t always feel comfortable around; he’s had a long-held suspicion that Sam merely tolerates him, as opposed to actually enjoying his company. Sam is a proper adult – a grown-up with sense and standards and solid advice – and Jessica isn’t quite sure that any of the rest of them are, least of all Bobby. His advice is solid but he’s anything but sensible. And she knows that Sam isn’t one for laughing on the bedroom floor at 3am, although she thinks that’s a shame, because those are some of her best memories since moving to New York. And yes, those memories were Bobby’s specialty. To everyone’s surprise, Sam offers Bobby a sheepish grin and admits, with a shake of his head, that his missed him hanging around. The people on tour don’t tell stories the way Bobby tells stories apparently – and it’s as close to an admission of outright misery as Sam is going to give to anyone other than Ivy.

 

 

***

 

_‘I don’t think I was wrong. I don’t think I was the only one who wanted you back in New York and I don’t think I was the only one who wanted that night to end up the way it did. But don’t think for one moment that I won, don’t think I got what I wanted because...Sam, if I got what I wanted you’d be in my show right now and you’d be...you’d be with me.’ Tom swallowed hard, giving the tiniest of shrugs as he bit down on his lip. ‘I still don’t think I was wrong – in the way I did it maybe but not in what I did. But I’m sorry. You know in...in some people’s lives that is actually enough.’ He looked down and let out a half-laugh half-choke. ‘I’ve lost more than you realise, you know. But I understand...for you? I can’t ever be sorry enough. And you’re probably not the only one.’_

***

 

He found him on the stage with Rachel, absentmindedly kicking his legs back and forth as he dangled them over edge. His smile was sweet and his eyes were wide and enthusiastic. He was _so_ Bobby’s type; carefree and easily broken. Kurt sighed – a little huff that he liked to think was anger but was perhaps more an expression of loss. He didn’t admit to anyone that he missed the taste of Bobby’s kisses or the stupid remarks he made under his breath at parties. It was less complicated if he just told people he hated him, even when they arched their eyebrows and made sceptical comments when they thought he was out of earshot. ‘But Bobby’s a doll!’ was popular, ‘He has claws but he doesn’t use them really’ a frequent refrain. Kurt bit at the inside of his cheek and wondered which Dennis’ protest might be.

 

‘Dennis.’ The other man turned at the sound of his name, pausing half-way as he reached for his water bottle, a quirky smile on his lips. Kurt would put money on Bobby and Dennis being more than just friends; no-one who looked like that could be around Bobby without him kissing them. ‘Hey, so um...the other day...I’m sorry about Bobby and me.’ Dennis stilled, his easy smile giving way to something more wary. ‘I didn’t mean to seem...’ Kurt faltered and shook his head, letting out a breath he was only half-aware he’d been holding. ‘I bet he told you I was the bad guy, right?’ he asked, aiming for wry but sounding more frustrated, and Dennis’ wary look became almost closed-off. He had an open face, the kind that won friends easily, with light in his eyes and a curve to his lips. But he didn’t seem so smiley in that moment. Cautious. Concerned. Like someone who had seen what sweetness Bobby had to offer and didn’t want to be reminded about those claws nobody seemed to be as afraid of as Kurt thought they should be.

‘Actually...he didn’t tell me anything,’ Dennis said slowly, his dark eyes studying Kurt’s face. ‘Believe it or not, Bobby can keep a secret.’ Dennis shrugged, a half-smile curving his lips briefly. ‘Maybe you should keep whatever secret it is you clearly want to spill to me, coz I’m pretty sure I don’t want to hear it.’

 

For a moment it throws him. It’s not the usual defence – Dennis doesn’t even wait to hear the story, he just locks it up before it can escape and starts to walk away. Kurt thinks of the kisses again then – like coffee and caramel – and he wavers.

‘Is he still best friends with Jessica?’ He doesn’t know why he asked but it gets Dennis to stop at least, a soft chuckle escaping him.

‘You really want to live in a world where those two aren’t best friends?’ Dennis’ grin is genuine and it makes Kurt smile too, and he ducks his head to hide his slip.

‘Constant. Like gravity,’ he says to his shoes and he hears Dennis laugh softly and a frown creases his forehead. ‘He stabbed her in the back too,’ he says after a beat. ‘Like he did me. Difference is she doesn’t know it.’ He risks a glance up. Dennis doesn’t smile now – the wariness has been replaced by nervousness. Kurt’s pretty sure Dennis was right about not wanting to hear this. ‘He’s gorgeous and he’s dangerous. And he’s a total bitch. And that’s what makes you want to kiss him.’ Kurt swallowed. ‘But he’s terrible, too. He can be terrible. And he breaks things. If you let him.’

 

 

***

 

_‘You know what I miss? About us?’ Kurt pressed his back close to the wall and closed his eyes. ‘It’s you on the couch in your sweats telling stories.’ He laughed softly. ‘You always told the best stories. I’d describe to you the most annoying people in the audience that night and you’d make up names and facts about their lives until I laughed.’ Kurt risked a glance at Bobby then, a sad smile on his lips. ‘You’re a stunner, Chorus Boy. You always have been.’ He swallowed. ‘You are incredibly flawed. In all the best ways to make you...glorious. And for what it’s worth...I’m sorry that I misunderstood that about you. Coz, Bobby, I’ve got to tell you...I’ve lost a lot of things. Stupid things and big things. Keys and jobs, friends and numbers, maybe even a summer or two. And we both know that, whatever way you look at the rights and wrongs of it, I lost you. But you? You never lose anything, not really. You just pack it up in your bag of tricks. And I think I get it now; it’s not that you don’t care. It’s just that...you’re stubborn. You’re not going to let go of something because you’re told to. It just becomes another story...it’s always going to be all words with you.’_

***

 

 

‘Jess, it’s drinks at Tom’s, not cocktails at the Ritz; just wear your hair loose and let’s go already.’ He was lying across Jessica’s bed, half-covered in the contents of her closet and playing with the tangle of colour and sequins which was her scarf collection. Jessica loved scarves and probably had more than any one person needed. It was just a particular quirk of hers; she was practically incapable of walking out of the door without one, even in summer. There were scarves of every variety, and Bobby smiled as he found one he’d given her a few birthdays ago, tossing it dramatically around himself and flopping back against the pillows with a sigh as Jessica inspected her hair from yet another angle.

‘Ten more minutes,’ she said absently, picking up a feathery hair clip and holding it up to her head for a moment before dropping it back down on the dresser and beginning to rummage through her drawers once more. Bobby simply smirked.

‘You said that when I got here,’ he remarked, shifting uncomfortably and pulling out a ridiculously high heeled pink shoe from under him with a roll of his eyes. ‘And for the record? That was a half an hour ago.’ He was smirking even as he said it, and he knew Jessica didn’t mean the glare she shot him. ‘You look beautiful, by the way,’ he added, more gently, meeting her eyes in the mirror. They shared a smile, briefly, before Bobby’s phone broke the moment by chirping loudly to announce the arrival of a text.

 

As he was distracted, Jessica took a moment to regard his outfit carefully, quirking an eyebrow and smothering a smile. She loved to take the time to plan her outfits, finding the exact right earrings and shoes to complete a look and deciding what to do with her hair. But Bobby – well, he loved to look good too, but his approach was much more down to fluke. He had an annoying habit of being able to reach one arm into his closet and come out with the perfect look for any occasion. He made simple look good, it was his forte, and tonight was no different; crisp white shirt, smart black tie, white jacket which was ever-so-slightly too big for him, jeans to keep things the right side of formal and his dark hair falling loosely across his face, tamed but not styled. He might be teasing her about how long she was spending in front of her bedroom mirror, but she could tell that he had made an effort too. ‘Dean’s dropping out of some wedding on Sunday – so there goes my weekend,’ Bobby muttered, rolling his eyes as he fired off a reply to his friend before pushing himself up off the bed and coming to join Jessica at her dresser. He briefly cast his eye over the collection of hair accessories, scattered about in a haphazard pattern from being picked up and discarded several times over. After a second he picked up one Jessica didn’t even remember fishing out, and he handed the red flower-shaped object to her wordlessly, a knowing smirk on his lips. ‘You know I’m right,’ he told her before glancing back down at his phone. ‘Now hurry up, Glitter Bug, before the champagne and dancing starts without us.’ He kissed her temple and she smiled after him as he disappeared from her bedroom.

‘You’re unbelievable, you know that?’ she protested weakly, though she fastened the clip in place as she said it, a smile curving her lips reluctantly upwards as she looked at his choice in the mirror and saw that yes, he was right. Of course.

 

They arrived just late enough for Bobby to make an entrance, but close enough to on-time to avoid making a scene, and it’s times like that that Jessica thinks they’ve known each other too long, because she’s sure he timed it down to the second, though how he managed it is beyond her powers and she knows he won’t tell. Tom is conspicuous by his absence, but Jessica spots Sam looking very-much-at-home by the piano and she heads over towards him immediately, blue eyes bright and enthusiastic. She’s not sure when her hand slips from Bobby’s, but she can hear him laughing somewhere behind her and it absolves any guilt she feels for abandoning him the minute they come through the doors. People expect them to arrive together and stay joined at the hip, but they’ve spent most of the day together already and they’re both in need of a change.

 

‘Hey, Chorus Boy.’ Bobby’s thin lips twisted into something which he was determined wouldn’t be a smile as he pulled himself up onto the countertop next to Ivy and let her hand him a flute of champagne. ‘I’m not sure if we’re celebrating Tom’s reign as director, my return, or Sam’s freedom from the Mormons. But whatever it is? I’m sooo glad it’s happening. I feel like I’ve spent the past year of my life worrying – time for a party that actually ends well for a change.’ Ivy’s smiling too broadly for Bobby to hold off his grin any longer.

‘You know, you almost sound like a well-rounded, emotionally stable human being here, Centre Stage.’ Bobby’s brown eyes were anything but cruel and Ivy laughed at him fondly, giving him a half-hearted elbow in the ribs. Earning a nickname from Bobby was like a badge of honour, and Ivy still found herself ridiculously touched by it every time he used hers. Centre Stage – it had started in Boston, a couple of days after, when things were settling down and it was safe for him to tease her again; he was the perpetual chorus boy and proud of it, she wanted more and he had every confidence she would get it. Bobby and Jessica were the only ones who ever used it; Sam didn’t want to risk upsetting her and explaining it to anyone else would mean telling them about what really happened in her dressing room that night, and she wasn’t sure she wanted them to have that information. Peculiarly, for all that he was a gossip queen, Bobby hadn’t breathed a word to a soul and still insisted nothing had happened whenever she brought it up – something she was grateful for. Where Sam was mature and sensible and determined, talking through all her issues with her and making sure she worked on them, Bobby was more of a co-conspirator, always willing to whisper dirty jokes and gossip as a pick-me-up instead of forcing her to relive her missteps. She was aware that she needed both influences in her life, though, and she wound an arm through Bobby’s and pulled him close, planting a kiss on his cheek that left a lip-stick mark behind it.

‘You’re a doll, Bobby, you know that?’

‘It’s a gift,’ he sighed airily, taking a sip of his drink and regarding her out of the corner of his eye. ‘But seriously; you seem good right now. Are you? Good right now?’

‘You know...I think I am.’ Ivy jumped down from the counter and turned to look at him, blue eyes sparkling affectionately as they met with Bobby’s all-seeing brown ones. ‘But if this thing is going to make it in front of critics again...it’s ok to still have you on speed dial, right?’ she asked, tilting her head. Bobby leant his own head back against the cabinets, the very corner of his lips curving into an understanding yet somehow still playful smile.

‘Which number?’ Ivy laughed.

‘Three. And you should be honoured, Chorus Boy. That’s right behind Tom and Sam, you know.’ Bobby inclined his head, considering her offer, and she was grateful that he didn’t bring up what she felt sure he knew; that was the spot Derek used to be.

‘Jess has me on one,’ he sighed after a moment.

‘That’s because you two are the most co-dependent people I’ve ever known,’ Ivy shot back, rolling her eyes, her comment free from malice. She took a step back, heading off to try and find Tom. ‘Try not to throw any champagne on the furniture, Chorus Boy,’ she threw back over her shoulder, barely biting back her laugh as Bobby protested behind her, several heads turning, knowing expressions coming to their faces at the now-familiar refrain.

‘I didn’t throw it! It just exploded! God.’

 

Once everyone’s tipsy enough, Tom’s absence becomes even more keenly felt; Jessica and Sam want to sing, Ivy and Bobby want to dance, and a half-dozen others want to at least tap their feet in time to a rhythm, and for some reason, even though several of them – Bobby included – are capable of playing a tune, or at the very least of putting on a CD, they want Tom to be there, because really, he’s one of them, even now he’s the director. Giggling, they go in search, and find him holed up with Julia, working, much to Bobby’s distaste. He pulls a face and makes Jessica laugh as the others drag Tom away. Bobby hangs back slightly, choosing to loop his arm through Julia’s instead. He thinks Julia’s always liked him more than Tom. It’s not that Tom doesn’t like him, it’s just that he thinks Tom doesn’t quite know what to make of him. But Julia likes his jokes and his lack of bullshit and she smiles at him happily as he pulls her along with the others, off towards the piano. He winks at her and she laughs, shaking her head, and she looks at him the same way Jessica does; fond confusion, vague disapproval and amusement all fighting for dominance.

 

In the end, Jessica gets her song, Bobby gets his dance, and apparently, Sam gets a job. Bobby is surprised – and even more surprised to find he’s genuinely pleased. A small part of him has missed Sam playing parent to them all. More drinks are poured before he can express this to Jessica, however, and so the evening descends into the two of them telling stories to anyone who’ll listen, Jessica’s smile wide and her blue eyes glittering as she bounces at his side. Everyone spends more time laughing and Julia is left incredulous by the stories the ensemble tell her – no-one admits how much those stories have been embellished because the look on her face is just too much fun as she stares wide-eyed at Bobby, not sure whether to laugh or smack him. Because he’s a better person than people give him credit for, Bobby doesn’t mention the fact that Tom and Sam don’t leave each other’s sides for the rest of the night. Jessica thinks he’s just too buzzed from the alcohol to bother passing any sarcastic remarks under his breath when Sam is standing with Tom by the door, handing out people’s coats. Actually, the truth is, Bobby doesn’t have the heart. He’s happy for them; contrary to popular belief, he actually likes stories with happy endings.

 

‘So what were you and Ivy whispering about earlier?’ Jessica asked as they stepped out into the New York night. She was shivering, and Bobby laughed softly, slipping his white jacket over her shoulders without invitation; she’d forgotten to bring a jacket of her own and Bobby didn’t mind the cold so much. ‘I saw you two laughing in the kitchen,’ Jessica added, linking her arm through Bobby’s and resting her head sleepily on his shoulder, a small sigh escaping her. Bobby smirked, glancing down at her briefly and shaking his head.

‘Oh, you know. Which one of us is the fiercest diva, that sort of thing.’ Jessica’s eyes were closed now, and the smile she gave was fuzzy and fond. He was lying, she knew he was lying and he knew that she knew. But she wouldn’t force him to betray a confidence to Ivy. ‘What about you and Sam? You two seemed to be getting into it until Tom showed.’ Bobby glanced down at her again and she shrugged, yawning into his shoulder and letting him guide her across the street.

‘He was complaining to me about tour life.’ She opened her eyes briefly, looking up into Bobby’s with a small grin. ‘He _hates_ it, Bobby. I mean _hates_ it. He misses Tom. A lot. And he misses New York. Everyone’s nice, you know, but...he says it’s like one long school trip. No personal space, lots of pranks and jokes and...he’s just exhausted.’

‘If he wanted personal space, he maybe should’ve chosen a different line of work, Glitter Bug.’ Bobby grinned playfully, flicking his hair off his face and shrugging. ‘When was the last time you remember having personal space?’ Jessica smiled sleepily, closing her eyes again and letting out a long sigh which was partly muffled as she turned her face into Bobby’s shoulder.

‘Before I met you,’ she murmured at last. Bobby snorted.

‘Oh my God. I am so not to blame for your lack of boundaries,’ he retorted, but he planted a kiss to the top of her head anyway before nudging her slightly. ‘Hey, this is where we’re supposed to part ways, Blondie.’ Jessica blinked, lifting her head from Bobby’s shoulder and looking around in mild confusion. ‘Call me to let me know you’re home safe, ok?’ Bobby asked her, watching her carefully. ‘Jess?’ Jessica stifled a yawn, nodding and sucking in a deep breath, trying to wake herself up.

‘Yeah. Yeah. I’m awake. I’ll be fine, Monkey. You better get home safe too though, ok?’ she replied, flashing him as bright a smile as she could. Bobby simply folded his arms, arching an eyebrow at her. ‘What?’ she asked, though she knew full-well.

‘I still have some stuff at your place – come on,’ Bobby sighed and Jessica smiled quietly back at him, tugging on his arm to plant a kiss on his cheek.

‘I’ll be fine.’

‘No arguments, Glitter Bug. I’m coming back with you. You’re not gonna fall asleep on the subway. Again.’ Jessica let out a small laugh, looking down.

‘Fine. But just so you know? This is definitely the reason we’re both single.’

 

After ten minutes of digging around in her closet, Bobby had found an old gym bag of his, as well as a couple of sweaters and a shirt, and Jessica had made them both hot chocolate before bed – hers with marshmallows and his with whipped cream – as the two of them moved around each other in comfortable silence, the feeling of routine and normalcy washing over them. Jessica suspected it shouldn’t feel so comfortable, suspected that a psychologist would have a field day with the two of them, but as she curled up in her bed with Bobby lying top-to-tail at her side, she didn’t care if it wasn’t healthy or grown up. After all, there’s no-one in the world she loves as much as him, and there’s no-one in the world who stands much of a chance of being loved in such an innocent and uncomplicated way; they’re jigsaw pieces and she likes it like that. It isn’t messy, it’s all just clean lines and it makes sense to her. She likes the childishness of their friendship, because there’s an innocence to it; it’s always there, even in the times you wouldn’t have expected to be, when their problems are very much those of adults and their exhaustion comes from having actual jobs rather than last-minute homework.

 

‘I hope I’m wrong.’ Bobby’s voice is soft and low. Scratchy, even. They’ve been lying in the dark for about ten minutes when he says it, and she’s actually a little surprised because she thought he’d already fallen asleep. She shifted her weight just slightly, glancing down to where Bobby was lying, flat on his back, brown eyes catching flickers of the city light as he stared up at her ceiling. There’s a lipstick smiley face up there somewhere and she thinks that’s what he’s looking at; he drew it after a particularly bad break-up between her and Jake, told her it was his way of always being able to cheer her up, even on the rare occasions when he went back to his own bed.

‘What about, Chorus Boy?’ Bobby doesn’t take his eyes off the ceiling, his lips don’t curve, he doesn’t even blink. Just sighs tiredly, sighs like his bones ache.

‘Tom and Sam.’ His eyes flutter closed and he swallows. ‘I want to be wrong.’ Jessica smiles softly, and she thinks she understands.

‘You need to believe in theatre romance?’ She sees a half-smile touch his lips.

‘Maybe.’ Jessica nods, nudging him slightly with her foot.

‘You need to believe in break-ups not always being the end?’ Bobby doesn’t say anything, but that curve is still on his lips and Jessica nods again. They stay in silence for a moment before  Jessica props herself up on her elbow. ‘Dennis?’ she asks quietly. Bobby licks his lips and shifts his head on his pillow.

‘Maybe,’ he murmurs. She still watches him and after a moment he opens his eyes to meet hers. His smile is sad then. ‘Or maybe...definitely,’ he says. Jessica crawls down to his end of the bed and curls into his side, resting her head on his shoulder.

‘You got it bad, huh?’

‘Urgh. Don’t, Jess. Please. Just...don’t.’ Jessica takes his hand and gives it a squeeze.

‘I hope you’re wrong too, Chorus Boy,’ she replied.

 

 

***

_‘No, but I think Eileen might actually kill him. I mean seriously. Did you not see the look on her face? She hasn’t looked like that since Boston. No...wait...the party, she looked like that at the party, when Derek was getting accused of harassing the ego-tastic movie star. But still. It’s been a while. And just so you know? I’m putting money on us not doing that number. It can go with all my winnings from the bet I had that Ivy would be the Marilyn that made it to Broadway...and the money Sue’s paying me to not tell Ivy she bet against her...’_

 

 

***

 

 

‘I’m not having this conversation with you.’ Kyle laughed – anxious, awkward – and turned his eyes downwards, suddenly fascinated by his coffee cup. At his side, Ana’s laugh was carefree, teasing without being cruel, and she shook her head at him fondly.

‘Actually? You kind of are.’ Kyle shot her a look, not entirely appreciating the joke but unable to really be annoyed with her, and she simply shrugged, tilting her head enough to look him in the eye. She’s wild and warm at the same time, just the right side of dangerous, with a wicked smile and kind eyes. He knows he can trust her in a way that, actually, he can’t even trust his best friend. ‘Come on – tell me I don’t have to go all Parent Trap on you. I haven’t done that since I was thirteen, and honestly? It didn’t end well.’ Kyle can’t help but laugh then, a proper laugh that actually reaches his eyes.

‘It’s not that,’ he said softly and Ana quirked an eyebrow, intrigued. He can tell she’s genuinely trying hard not to tease him some more and he’s actually touched by that, because he can just tell it’s a struggle for her. Honestly, he wouldn’t mind if she did tease him, really, because he knows she doesn’t mean it. Ana’s a pit-bull in all the right ways and he’s fairly sure she’d tear apart anyone who dared tease him for sport. No. This was pushing between friends and it was nice to not be scared of being snapped at any moment; he hadn’t realised how anxious he always felt around Jimmy (even at the best of times) until he started spending time with Karen and Ana, whose judgement of him was never laced with that spite which Jimmy was capable of. ‘I know you think...I know you think it’s just about Jimmy.’ Kyle swallowed and looked down again and Ana sat back a little in her chair, her expression still inquisitive, though her eyes sparkled kindly. ‘But...Jimmy’s not...he’s not the only thing.’ Kyle pulled a face and looked back up at Ana with a shrug. ‘That I want but can’t have.’

‘Wow, I underestimated you, clearly,’ Ana grinned, waggling her eyebrows at him playfully. He couldn’t help but laugh, shaking his head slightly, almost blushing. ‘No, but seriously? If you can’t have him, don’t waste your time thinking about him. Whoever he is.’ Ana paused then, leaning forward slightly. ‘But you are going to tell me who he is...right?’ Kyle found his mouth moving helplessly, no actual words coming out but something dangerously close to an admission hovering on his tongue.

‘I...I don’t know if I should.’ He shifted in his seat, scrunching up his face, aware of Ana watching him carefully, still all intrigue and care, and possibly there was still a trace of amusement in her smile. ‘I don’t know if...if I’m supposed to.’

‘Well now you have to tell me,’ Ana smirked and Kyle couldn’t resist flashing her a smile. She was brazen, but without the frighteningly honest edge of...of _him_. He huffed out a breath and bit his lip. ‘Come on. I promise not to tell anyone.’

‘I just don’t know if...I think it was kind of...supposed to be a secret? Just between me and him?’ Kyle tipped his head back, his lips twisting into a distant smile as he remembered a kiss that tasted like alcohol and lip balm. ‘I’m pretty sure it was supposed to be this one-time thing and I’m pretty sure that I wasn’t supposed to take it to heart.’ He flicked Ana a glance and she nodded as though she understood.

‘But you did, right?’

‘Do you think it’s weird for someone to kiss you and then never call you again?’

‘Wow. You really need to get out more if that’s your idea of weird,’ Ana said with a shake of her head and Kyle rolled his eyes.

‘That’s not...it wasn’t just a kiss. It was...something...different. Like he was giving me a memory or something. And we’re only allowed to remember that and never actually even...talk again. At all. Only...I did really like him. He’s like...crazy-beautiful. Except not in any way you’ve ever seen before.’ Kyle blew out a breath. ‘But I don’t really know if it’s worth risking a really great memory for the sake of finding out how he feels about me.’

‘Ok. I think I get it.’ Ana pulled her knee up to her chest and leant in even closer. ‘So, am I allowed to know this mystery guy’s name who made such an impression on you or was part of the deal that you never even mentioned each other again either?’ she whispered. Kyle’s smile was soft, distant, and his blue eyes shone in a way which told Ana she would probably never get an answer out of him. ‘Ok. In that case? My point still stands. Let it go, Kyle. There are plenty of good things you _can_ have, you know. And there’s nothing wrong with some good things just...staying as a memory. If it never becomes anything more, it’ll always be good – you can keep it then when reality goes wrong.’

 

***

 

_‘It was you, wasn’t it.’ Ana smiled faintly. ‘The crazy-beautiful guy who kissed him for no reason.’ She laughed, sniffing slightly and brushing at her eyes self-consciously. ‘Of course it was you. Who else on Broadway would even think of that?’ She shook her head, flopping down into a chair. ‘Wow. When you do something you really go for it...he had stars in his eyes already but...I think you actually managed to put a few more there.’ She looked at Bobby thoughtfully, swallowing hard. ‘Seriously, you should consider making a career out of it or something...touching people’s lives in the most stupid, unexpected ways.’ Her eyes were glassy. She didn’t care if he noticed. ‘Just because something doesn’t last forever, it doesn’t mean it’s not one of the most important things to ever happen, right? A moment can change everything. Give one guy one life, even if it’s a short one, and he can make everyone else’s lives somehow...more ok.’ Bobby’s lips curved up and he nodded slightly. ‘Exactly. Short doesn’t equal unimportant. So that makes one kiss the most important thing to ever happen in history – to someone. And one stupidly star-struck kid the most important guy who ever lived – to us.’_

 

 

***

 

‘Oh my God.’ Jessica jumped as Bobby crashed into her back, half-whispering, half-giggling, glancing back over his shoulder at where Tom was packing away his things. ‘Seriously. Who gave Tom a backbone?’ Jessica gave Bobby a sharp smack for that, trying to bite back a laugh as he carried on giggling shamelessly, his hair falling in his eyes as he crumpled against Jessica’s shoulder, linking their arms. ‘They really shouldn’t have, not even kidding,’ Bobby adds as Jessica steals a glance over to where Tom had just been standing, noting, with relief, that he’d already ducked his head and made a speedy exit from rehearsal.

‘I guess it was bound to happen eventually,’ she reasons with a shrug, glancing up at Bobby with a playful smile. ‘I mean, he’s the director now. He can’t be one of us anymore – otherwise his chorus boys would just spend all rehearsal on their phones.’ Bobby pouted at her for that and she smirked at him, shaking her head as she unlinked their arms and moved to grab her bags.

‘I wasn’t even texting. I was _reading_ a text. God. There’s a difference, Killjoy.’ Bobby folded his arms sulkily, widening his eyes for emphasis and flicking his hair from his face.

‘Stop being a drama queen – at least you haven’t set any lobsters on him yet.’

‘Urgh. If that happens? Just have me put down. I cannot go through that again. Seriously.’

 

Jessica was still smirking at Bobby as she turned away from him, rummaging in her bag for a brush as she let her hair down. Bobby flopped down onto the floor next to her, huffing out a breath. ‘Working hard is lame. When does this thing get past previews so I can start slacking?’ he asked through a yawn, and Jessica threw him an amused glance.

‘Please, like you’ve ever slacked in your whole career,’ she retorted, rolling her eyes. Bobby pulled a face, glancing at her from the corner of his eye.

‘I’ve thought about it.’

‘I’ve thought about it,’ Jessica mimicked in her best sulky voice, sticking her tongue out at Bobby and forcing a laugh out of him.

‘Shut up.’

 

The two of them were just getting back to their feet when Ivy appeared, her expression even more pained than Bobby’s had been.

‘Don’t suppose either of you guys wants to invite me somewhere and strong-arm me into coming with you?’ she asked with a heavy sigh. ‘I want to go anywhere but home right now.’

‘Sam?’ Jessica guessed and Ivy pulled a face.

‘This is why you don’t let one best friend date another, right?’ Ivy smiled half-heartedly, giving a little shrug. ‘Really, I brought it on myself by letting them go out; now I have to listen to Sam complain about Tom for three hours straight.’ Jessica’s face was sympathetic, but Bobby couldn’t hide his mildly-amused smile and Ivy couldn’t help but give him a small smile back. ‘What, Chorus Boy? You got an ‘I told you so’ waiting?’

‘I’m not even going there. Honestly. We all know my mouth is too big for my own good, and seriously, I am not ending our friendship over the fact I’m always right,’ Bobby sighed airily. Jessica gave him a playful grin, shaking her head slightly.

‘Was that self-awareness, Chorus Boy?!’ she teased, standing on tiptoe to put a hand to his forehead. ‘You _must_ have a temperature,’ she insisted, laughing as Bobby shot her a glare.

‘You’re not funny,’ he told her and Ivy chuckled.

‘Oh, I’m pretty sure she is,’ she told him breezily.

‘I hate both of you,’ Bobby muttered, shaking his head and trying not to smile, and Jessica rested her head on his shoulder by way of a peace offering.

‘So, Mr. ‘I’m Always Right’ – got any advice for me on whose side I should take in this break-up?’ Ivy looked at Bobby with hopeful blue eyes, but he simply smirked back.

‘Wait and see what Tom’s like as a director?’ he suggested mischievously and Ivy rolled her eyes at him.

‘Yeah, you’re not funny either, clearly,’ she told him with a grin.

 

Ivy doesn’t know Bobby well enough, Jessica suspects, to spot the slight downturn at the corners of his mouth. There’s a tight smile on her own lips as she says goodnight to them, and her mind is probably already trying unpick Sam’s problems; Bobby is very much Jessica’s responsibility and, as they step out into the night, she curses the fact she has to meet up with an old school friend who has decided to drift into town for a marathon catch-up. She needs time to be able to pick information from him, because he never gives up his troubles easily but she’s the only one who stands a chance of getting anything out of him.

‘Hey, you ok, Monkey?’ The wordless space between them had been comfortable enough, but Bobby’s eyes were still distant, in a way they rarely were, and Jessica couldn’t let them part ways without at least letting him know she was there if he needed her. She bumps his shoulder slightly with her own as they walk, just for good measure, and Bobby glances across at her slowly, a tired smile on his lips.

‘I’m fine, Jess. Don’t worry about me.’ He laughs when Jessica gives him an uncertain glance. ‘Promise; I’m fine. Sometimes nobody wins, that’s all.’ He shrugged. ‘Tom isn’t the out-and-out bad guy, you know? I get that. I’m just not sure anyone else is going to, if Sam gets his way.’ Jessica inclined her head in partial agreement, memories of the workshop days when Karen was persona non grata on Ivy’s command and little else; sometimes people were made the villains for the sake of other people’s consciences, that was just the way it went.

‘You think Tom and Sam were the real deal?’

‘I think they both thought that. And I think Sam sees this as the final betrayal; he can’t see it for what it is. He’s still pissed that Tom recommended he take the tour anyway – reckon he sees this as just another way for Tom to push him away.’

‘And you have inside knowledge that that’s not what he’s doing?’ Jessica asked, sceptical, but Bobby simply let out a soft laugh, rolling his eyes.

‘Please. Come on, Jess. You saw his face at that party; he was _dying_ to find a way of pulling Sam back in.’ He shrugged. ‘This? This is business.’

‘ _Show_ business,’ Jessica added and Bobby smirked, giving a small nod.

‘Yeah. Exactly. The business where everybody’s drama affects everybody else and the show that is cursed from the outset? Will not just pick up one day and go to Broadway.’

‘You think we’re all doomed?’

‘I think I have spent too much of my life singing History for this to end in disaster – but will it end in drama? Yeah. It will.’

‘You always say that.’

‘Exactly. And I’m always right.’

 

 

 

***

 

_‘Oh my God. I can see it now; drinks, hot guy, he works in the theatre, obviously, knows me by reputation alone and is begging me for a story. And I’m there, dazzling smile, naturally. And it’ll be; I did this show with Leigh Conroy one time? Yeah, she’s a legend but she totally adored me so that makes me a legend by association. He’ll laugh, I’ll smile. Then it’s; but that’s not even the good bit – first day in rehearsal, she and her daughter got in the bitch-fight to end all bitch-fights and it was a beautiful moment that we all got to share.’ Bobby glanced over to where Tom and Eileen were deep in discussion with Leigh, arching an eyebrow and grinning slyly. ‘I know it’s wrong of me, but I actually can’t wait for rehearsal to start today...’ He glanced at Jessica, who was giving him a half-hearted glare. ‘I know. I’m a bad friend. You still love me though, so the joke’s on you, Glitter Bug. And you know you’re hoping for a showdown too.’_

 

 

***

 

‘Who was it?’ Bobby glanced up from his phone to see Ivy standing over him, shifting from foot to foot, arms folded, her body all tension. At his confusion she stilled, briefly, biting her lip. For a moment it looked like she’d thought the better of her question, and Bobby caught the way her gaze briefly lingered on the door before she moved to sit down next to him.

‘I don’t-’

‘When I first sang Second Hand White Baby Grand, you came up to me after rehearsal.’ Bobby’s whole body went rigid, Ivy saw the moment it happened. ‘You said you understood,’ she added tentatively, pressing on even though she could see Bobby’s guards going up.

 

Sometimes it was so easy to forget that Bobby had a history, had a story of his own beyond the outrageous anecdotes he told over cocktails. Bobby had come from somewhere and things had happened to him – he hadn’t just emerged one day with a smirk on his lips and a sarcastic remark to offer. He was human, and, like a lot of humans, his story wasn’t as simple as he wanted it to seem. ‘I think that what you said was...I think you said that you understood broken,’ Ivy said, her blue eyes wide as she studied his face, willing him to catch onto her meaning and just answer her questions without having to be pushed. As she looked she was surprised that, what she’d thought was his guard going up, was actually just tension, nervousness, as though he was building up to something. And it startled her a little, that it might actually be that easy; just asking him. It was simple. She’d expected to see the walls going up – perhaps she’d even expected Jessica to come running back in with a breathy ‘Not now Ivy’ as she pulled Bobby away from her, some sort of best friend instinct kicking in and making her want to protect him. But no. There was just quiet. Stillness. Held breath. And then Bobby’s eyes met hers and it was as easy as reading the page of a book; clear and bright and shining, glinting almost. Bobby’s wounds. Bobby’s past. A flicker, albeit brief, of Bobby’s pain. He glanced down and swallowed, suddenly very interested in the tiny scratch on the side of his phone. (Jessica’s fault, a bad throw across a bar three months ago. She’d found it hilarious how annoyed he’d been – she almost always found it funny when he got mad.) ‘Bobby please. Who was it...who made you understand broken?’ Ivy asked softly. ‘Who was it who made you feel the way my mother makes me feel?’ She was ready to cry, if she was honest. Had been since the moment her mother had walked through the door, though she’d masked it as best she could. And somehow, seeing the way Bobby winced, every-so-slightly, made her know he understood her better than anyone else in the room. Sure, he covered it. He complained that there wasn’t enough drama, that she and her mother were being too nice. But in reality? He was on her side.

 

‘His name’s Kurt.’ Bobby’s voice was so low that Ivy almost didn’t notice him starting to speak, too lost in her own thoughts to catch the soft murmur beside her. She watched him for a moment after he spoke, watched as he wet his lips like he was about to say something more, only to purse them into a determined line instead. Ivy shifted her weight beside him, leaning in closer, trying to make him look her in the eye. It’s strange seeing Bobby be anything other than brazen and it makes her throat dry.

‘Jessica told me once...no details just...you know, trying to persuade me you were human I think.’ A half-smile ghosted across Bobby’s face and he ran his nail along the groove of the scratch on his phone, moving it back and forth a few times before rubbing his finger along it instead, pressing it hard into the line there.

‘You didn’t believe her, right?’ he asked quietly, glancing up with a look which was almost playful. Ivy chuckled, rolling her eyes.

‘Maybe not at first but...I got there.’ Bobby nodded, and it was nice to see a smirk on his face once more.

 

The two of them settled into a comfortable silence for a minute or so, Bobby still rubbing the scratch on his phone, Ivy still watching him thoughtfully. After a moment Bobby’s hand stilled and he glanced up at Ivy with a self-conscious shrug.

‘I really loved him, actually.’ He looked away again. ‘Kurt, I mean.’ Another shrug. ‘I’m pretty sure some part of me still does – it wouldn’t hurt if I didn’t, right?’ Ivy smiled ruefully at that, turning her eyes skywards briefly and giving a small shake of her head.

‘Well, that’s how it seems to work with my mother,’ she said through a sad laugh and Bobby gave a small nod of understanding, his eyes still downturned.

‘Kurt was sweet,’ he said after a moment.

‘You have a type,’ Ivy put in and Bobby pulled a face.

‘God, you sound like Jess.’ Ivy laughed, resting her head on his shoulder.

‘He didn’t stay sweet?’

‘He got the wrong idea.’

‘What happened?’

‘A lot of things. It didn’t end well.’ Bobby glanced down. ‘He laid it all out there for me about how awful I was, told me he’d tell anyone who would listen until I had no friends left. But...well, I guess he doesn’t know as many people in this town as I do. Maybe he doesn’t tell a story as convincingly anyway.’ Ivy couldn’t help the lopsided grin that touched her lips at that, and when Bobby noticed he nudged her lightly, his eyes briefly lighting up with mischief. ‘I’m basically the centre of the universe, don’t even lie, Centre Stage.’ Ivy barely suppressed a laugh and Bobby nodded, pleased with himself. ‘Anyway...he hit a nerve, I guess. I’m not like Jess, I can’t just smile all the time and make people like me. And sometimes it gets hard to pretend I’m ok with that – depends who’s judging, you know?’

‘Been there,’ Ivy half-whispered.

‘I stayed in bed for about a week. And Jess turned up, because she’s actually a saint and you can’t tell me otherwise.’ Bobby smiled fondly, shaking his head and letting out a half-chuckle. ‘And eventually she dragged me back into the real world. Literally, almost. And...as long as I’m nowhere near Kurt? I know that I was right. And that he was wrong.’

‘And what about when Kurt _is_ there?’ Ivy asked nervously. Bobby met her gaze, a sympathetic smile on his face.

‘Then I basically question everything about myself and struggle not to lose my mind.’ Ivy sighed, looking down and she felt Bobby wrap his arm around her waist and squeeze her tightly. ‘I don’t know. It’s getting better but...maybe it’ll always be there. I just...try not to be defeated by it, I guess.’ He pressed a kiss to her temple and, surprisingly, the understanding behind the gesture helped more than anything Sam had said to her the night before. It wasn’t that Sam wasn’t a good friend, or even that he didn’t understand, it was just that...this was what Bobby was good at. Honesty. Lack of bias. Willingness to accept. _Gestures_. ‘Tom crossed a line, didn’t he,’ Bobby murmured into her hair.

‘Guess you got bumped up my speed dial, Chorus Boy,’ she replied, nuzzling into the crook of his neck slightly the way she’d seen Jessica do so often. ‘And just so you know? You’re really not awful.’ She sighed. ‘You’re brilliant, actually.’ She can _feel_ how much those words mean to him; it’s in the steadiness of his heartbeat pressed close to her, and in the curve of his smile against her hair.

‘You breathe a word of this conversation to anyone and I will most likely push you into an orchestra pit, Ivy Lynn. Remember that when you’re telling this story to your grandkids, ok?’ Ivy laughed. Yes, Bobby was definitely human. But maybe that was best being one of Broadway’s more magical secrets. She drew in a deep breath and untucked herself from under his chin, looking up at him and biting her lip.

‘So...out of interest...would now be a bad time to ask for a favour?’ She got the feeling from his groan of half-protest that Bobby already knew what was coming next.

 

The strange thing was that, although Ivy was something of a focal-point of their group, Sam an organiser and a leader, and Jessica a willing friend to everyone, still none of them had the power over people that Bobby had. Perhaps it was something to do with his frankness; people knew his opinion mattered somehow. He was a good judge of character, a good reference-point. Even with Sam quietly seething and Ivy doing battle with her mother – if Tom was going to be deemed the cast’s enemy, it was Bobby’s nod that would have to be given. And Ivy couldn’t help but understand his reluctance; even though it was clear he sided with her, outright punishing Tom for his choices and the way he’d handled them didn’t seem to be Bobby’s first preference. She wasn’t even completely sure if it would be her first choice if she just waited a few days and let her anger cool. Bobby, though, was actually a lot more loyal than anyone but Jessica gave him credit for – he didn’t just turn on people because they screwed up a couple of times. And even though he and Tom weren’t close, there was a mutual respect there; Tom was one of those people who Bobby could always count on for a recommendation or a reference. But the thing was, Bobby was a lot more loyal than anyone but Jessica gave him credit for – he didn’t just abandon people who needed his help. And if Ivy was going to survive opening a Broadway show with her mother? Then she needed Bobby’s help badly, even if it was for nothing more than petty vengeance on a man who was supposed to be one of her best friends.

 

She ended up hugging Bobby for a solid minute when he agreed. He bitched about having a reputation to protect, but he didn’t move away.

 

And so it gets decided over drinks after rehearsal; they toast to it and everything. Ivy is the one who brings it up but Bobby agrees quickly and Jessica follows; they do their jobs for the sake of Eileen and Julia and the show, and of course, for the sake of their own necks. But Tom gets no slack, no smiles and no socialising. He’s on the Director’s Minimum and, as Bobby says they should all drink to the drama, Jessica fixes Ivy with a look that screams ‘How did you get him to agree to this?’ – because really, she knows him far too well. Ivy simply shrugs and continues to watch Bobby as he changes the subject, turning to Sue to ask her if she remembers some person he introduced her to at a party months ago, a gleam in his eye that tells everyone a story’s coming. It’s nice, Ivy thinks, to see him flicking his hair from his eyes and grinning devilishly round at the group, all attitude and teeth. Bobby’s back to being Bobby, and that comes as an odd relief to Ivy; Jessica is on his lap as he launches into his story, absurd as ever and  involving a cat, a bus, three of his cousins and a curling iron. Everyone’s laughing and insisting he’s making it up but Jessica says she’s seen the photographs and Sue has heard the eye-witness accounts, so really at most he can only be embellishing. The verdict makes Bobby unbearably proud of himself. As she watched him, Ivy found herself half-wondering if she’d dreamt that wounded look in his eyes earlier, imagined the scratchy whisper with which he’d told her about Kurt. But then he catches her glance and it’s there; the softness. They exchange smiles before he turns to Jessica, some dirty joke waiting on his lips.

 

 

***

 

_‘Wow. First day of tech and Tom’s already gone all crazy eyes on us. This might actually be more stressful than Boston...except without the movie star threatening to ruin all our careers by the sheer weight of her lack of talent.’ Bobby leant against the doorframe of the dressing room, barely stifling a yawn. ‘Remind me why we do this job?’ Jessica rolled her eyes at him and he stuck his tongue out at her. ‘Fine, don’t. But I’m telling you, this is why the kids at school called us losers when we auditioned for the school play. I’m telling you, Jess; someone had clearly told them how a director gets when his lighting cues don’t work and they got out whilst they still could.’ He closed his eyes and sighed. ‘I seriously need a drink, and if you say you’re too tired then I’ll just follow you home and make you drink with me there. Because honestly? It’s tech. I’m only going to survive if I can view it all though the fog of a hangover. I mean really. It’s the only way this nightmare can be bearable.’_

 

 

***

 

‘He-ey, Birthday Girl.’ Ivy made no attempt to hide the smile which came to her lips as she glanced up from the sign-in sheet. Behind her, sitting on the stairs up to the dressing rooms, were Bobby and Jessica, matching pixie smiles on their faces. Jessica’s legs were tossed casually across Bobby’s and she was cupping a mug of something which looked suspiciously like hot chocolate in her hands, looking ridiculously perky for the time of day. Bobby, on the other hand, was all narrowed eyes and a wicked smile, phone, as always, in one hand and his eyebrows quirked up.

‘How’s it feel to be a whole year older?’ Jessica asked brightly, tilting her head, her smile turning mischievous. She was practically bouncing, her eyes sparkling cheerfully in the dim backstage light – her hair was mostly loose today and she looked carefree in a way that Ivy envied. Bobby, however, was rolling his eyes, regarding her with a judging expression that Ivy doubted he really meant.

‘That’s a stupid thing to ask, Jessica. Why would you even ask that? Seriously.’

‘My dad always asks me on my birthday.’

‘Yeah, exactly. Grown-ups ask that question, you don’t need to.’ Ivy laughed at that, shaking her head and making her way over to the bottom of the stairs.

‘We are grown-ups, Chorus Boy,’ she reminded him, folding her arms and fixing him with a pointed look, barely managing not to smile. Bobby scrunched up his face in disapproval.

‘Speak for yourself, Marilyn,’ he shot back.

‘It’s my birthday, you should be nicer to me.’

‘I bought you a birthday present, what more do you want from me?’ Bobby offered matter-of-factly, as though the gesture made up for any and all teasing he would undoubtedly inflict upon her. He couldn’t keep his face straight, however, when Jessica punched him on the arm, nearly spilling her drink the process, her expression halfway between amused and annoyed.

‘Hey, _we split that present_ , Idiot,’ she told him, the corners of her mouth still turned up as she shook her head at him. ‘It’s in your dressing room,’ she said, turning back to Ivy with a roll of her eyes, Bobby still snickering next to her.

‘Thanks, Jessica,’ Ivy said and Bobby’s laughing stopped abruptly.

‘Hey!’ he protested, making Ivy smile.

‘And thank you to you too, Chorus Boy,’ she added pointedly, with a little incline of her head, and Bobby gave her an acknowledging nod in return.

‘Yeah, I should hope so. I found it, I get the thank you,’ he told her, grinning wickedly as Jessica gave his arm another punch.

‘Don’t push it, Chorus Boy,’ she warned through a grin.

 

Ivy laughed as her two friends play-fought, Jessica coming dangerously close to losing a grip on her hot chocolate entirely as they squabbled. The mood she’d been in recently, it was strange to see two people being so happy and relaxed. Really, nobody should be smiling. They were in the middle of the tech from hell and the standoff between Tom and the cast had reached a point which made every minor discussion into an arduous war. But she knew Bobby found the tension hilarious – and as much as the endless run-throughs frustrated Jessica, there was never a point at which she lost heart. But unlike them, Ivy was one best friend down, and one mother up, and between all that? There wasn’t very much time for blowing off steam or having fun; she hadn’t even had a proper night out with her friends since tech had begun, much to Bobby’s disapproval, of course. She’d always imagined that, at some point, the pieces of her life would just fall into place, and when she’d got Marilyn back, she’d been sure it was going to be the start of her life making sense again. But it hadn’t really worked out that way, and she was at a loss to see how far she’d really come at all in the year since her last birthday. Work was better, but everything else? Still a mess.

 

‘I should be happier right now, right?’ Ivy asked the still-bickering duo with a sigh, leaning against the wall and looking up at her two friends as they stilled, slowly bringing their attention back to her. They briefly exchanged a glance, Jessica shrugging and letting Bobby take the lead.

‘Ok; Broadway show about to open?’ Bobby said.

‘Check,’ Jessica smiled brightly.

‘Star of the show?’

‘Check.’

‘ _Marilyn_?’

‘Check!’

‘Birthday; meaning party, presents and cake?’

‘Check.’

‘Fabulous night ahead of you?’

‘Check.’

‘And amazing friends to share it all with?’ Bobby looked over at Jessica with a grin.

‘Check and check,’ she beamed as she pointed to Bobby and then back to herself before giving a little nod and fixing Ivy with her most dazzling smile. Ivy laughed and Jessica took a sip of her drink, leaning back a little as though her work was done. Bobby, meanwhile, continued to watch Ivy carefully for a moment, tilting his head slightly to meet her gaze.

‘You don’t have to be happy about everything, you know. But you can’t be sad about it all either – that’s not the way it works,’ he said gently.

‘It’s been a crazy year, that’s all,’ Ivy replied quietly, eyes turned down. ‘I’m sitting here and I know things are good but...it’s like winning one battle and then waking up the next day and realising...the war’s not over.’ Bobby’s brown eyes were still watching her, she could feel them. And somehow she knew he understood. Because after all, she knew now that Bobby had a past that he hadn’t escaped from entirely unscathed. It wasn’t just something she guessed at, it was something he’d shared with her, something he’d trusted her with. It was real and it was impossible for it not to colour everything about the way she saw him, the way she took his words and his glances.

 

When she finally looked back up, she met with Bobby’s eyes immediately, and he flashed her the softest of smiles. It made her feel, if not better, then at least a little less like she was alone.

‘You got out of bed this morning, Ivy.’ His voice was agonisingly gentle and as Ivy looked at him, she saw the tight hold Jessica had taken of his arm, the way she looked just as sympathetically at Bobby as she did at her. ‘That voice in your head, the one that sounds like your mother and only has horrible things to say about you? Yeah. It needs to shut up. Coz you got out of bed this morning. And judging by the number of cards in your dressing room? People love you.’ Bobby glanced at Jessica, flashing her a brief, secret smile before looking back down at Ivy. ‘Honestly? A war is a hell of a lot easier to win when you’ve got an army.’ Then he pulled a face, eyes suddenly shining with mischief. ‘Or someone to make pancakes for you,’ he said, shrugging. ‘Your choice, honestly, but I’d take the pancakes.’ From the way Jessica smiled at him, Ivy suspected this was one of the ways Jessica had coaxed him out from his bed covers when Kurt’s damage had been in full effect. The thought made Ivy feel a sudden pang of loneliness; because sure, she might be loved, but she didn’t have anyone to come home to. Bobby and Jessica might be single, but they had each other in a way that she didn’t feel like she had her own best friends any more. She sighed and shook her head.

‘You say this now, but you’re forgetting; we have to get through a whole day of tech,’ she reminded him, rolling her eyes, and Bobby quickly pulled a face of distaste.

‘God. I’m so tired it’s beyond a joke. Don’t talk to me about tech. Talk to me about the party tonight. And about presents...I need to talk with someone about presents because I have no money but I seriously need the thrill of new stuff or I will lose my mind. Not kidding.’

‘And whose fault is your bankruptcy? Really,’ Jessica smirked and Bobby pouted at her.

 

Ivy laughed, and she was surprised to find her chest actually felt a little lighter than it had when she’d woken up that morning. As she listened to Bobby and Jessica, suddenly talking at a million miles an hour to each other about his spending habits, she realised just how different their friendship was to any of hers, even before all the drama started. It was the absolute equality of it, the honesty and the idiocy. She remembered the Jessica she had first met; a little less comfortable in her own skin, still radiant and sunny, but somehow a little more fraught, a little edgier. And Bobby? She didn’t know. But if she had to take a guess, she’d say he’d probably been a little crueller, a little more sullen. They were joined at the hip because perhaps it was too dangerous separating them – the grooves on a key go well in the lock, but you scrape them along the side of someone’s car and you’re going to do some damage. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t envy them a little bit; it’s not that she doesn’t appreciate the friendship she has with Sam, the friendship she has – _had_ – with Tom, but it was a lot more complex than whatever it was Bobby and Jessica had. It was right for her, right for them, but it didn’t come with the same level of balance. It wasn’t as innocent. And perhaps it wasn’t as all-covering either.

 

‘Hey, can I ask you guys kind of a weird question?’ Ivy said, interrupting her friends’ arguments and causing them both to blink at her in mild bewilderment.

‘Bobby is my best friend. There is nothing you can say to me that will scare me,’ Jessica assured her, smirking as Bobby let out a whine of protest.

‘Do you ever wonder what you life would be like without the theatre?’

‘Boring,’ Bobby said immediately, his brown eyes suddenly dull and despondent.

‘So boring,’ Jessica agreed and Ivy’s brow furrowed slightly.

‘That’s it? Boring?’ She bit her lip, glancing down. ‘You don’t think you’d just go insane?’

‘Yeah. Because we’re all so well-adjusted _with_ the theatre,’ Bobby smirked.

‘It’s the only thing you can depend on though – the shows, the magic, it’s always going to be there. And people? People won’t. Even a terrible show makes you feel _something_. And people do too it’s just...when they go, they make you feel lonely. The theatre? That’s the exact opposite. It stays with you for the rest of your life.’ Ivy shook her head slightly, her mind dwelling on Tom and her mother for a moment. The theatre hadn’t always treated her well, she’d thought about throwing it all in, but the magic of it, the importance of it, that could always be depended on in a way that other things in life couldn’t. ‘And.at least the show has a script, you know? Out here in the real world? People don’t follow the rules. They’re all busy improvising and screwing up your cues.’

‘Ivy, just because Tom hurt you, it doesn’t mean everything else has to fall apart,’ Jessica sighed, her expression agonisingly caring.

‘I know, but look at me, Jess. I finally get the starring role on Broadway and look at the cost – my mother and I can barely talk to one another, Tom and I _aren’t_ talking to one another...and as for my chances of having a healthy relationship with anyone...’

‘Not knowing is what’s supposed to make it fun, Ivy,’ Bobby pointed out, a little more gently than she expected, and she gave him a ghost of a smile.

‘Yeah, but you can say that, Bobby. You have Jessica. As long as you have her, you don’t need the theatre to hold you together, even after everything that’s happened.’ Bobby looked down at that, the reminder of what he’d told her about his past seeming to jolt him slightly.

‘You have plenty of people,’ he told her, quiet but firm, but Ivy still shook her head.

‘Not like that I don’t. Everything in my life is complicated. Except the theatre. And honestly...I don’t know that’s a good way to be at all.’

 

Ivy pushed herself to her feet before either Bobby or Jessica could protest. She was tired and maybe the fact it was her birthday was making her too willing to be emotional, but either way, nothing good could come out of complaining any longer. And besides, they were due onstage soon, and she really wanted a chance to open her cards before another arduous day of tech. Seeming to sense her mood, Bobby and Jessica simply watched her go, Jessica leaning against Bobby slightly, a concerned look in her eyes.

‘She sounds defeated.’

‘It’s crazy, right?’ Bobby replied, looking over at Jessica with a shrug. ‘How long have we been listening to her say how much she wanted to be a star, how much she wanted Marilyn – now she has it, all she wants is a normal life.’ He pulled a face and Jessica nudged him reprovingly, shaking her head.

‘Stop. It. She’s not complaining. She’s just...worried she’s maybe been focusing on the wrong things all this time.’ Jessica paused then, something suddenly occurring to her. She looked over at Bobby thoughtfully, her eyes softening as she scanned his face.

‘You told her.’ It’s not a question; she knows. Bobby doesn’t look up at her but he doesn’t jump to protest either, simply sighs and leans back a little.

‘Yeah. I told her. But only because she asked me nicely.’ Jessica smiled faintly.

‘How much did you tell her?’

‘Enough to answer the question. She got the idea.’ Bobby shrugged slightly, looking up finally with a rueful little smile that Jessica was relieved to find did reach his eyes. ‘It’s just a thing that happened, right? It’s just a guy I knew who actually didn’t have his facts straight anyway.’ Jessica tilted her head and Bobby laughed softly. ‘What? It’s the truth. It shouldn’t matter anymore.’

‘But it does,’ Jessica pointed out softly and Bobby sighed.

‘Hey, I didn’t win that battle with him. But I got out of bed. That’s a victory worth celebrating, right?’ Bobby shrugged again before his smile turned mischievous. ‘I got out of bed this morning too...eventually.’ Jessica laughed at him and his grin widened. ‘Now that was a battle – it only took ten minutes of shouting abuse at you. I think that’s a record.’

‘Shouting abuse? Not so much. It was more...a muffled groan which I could decipher no actual words from.’ She rested her chin on his shoulder and widened her eyes at him, her expression so sunny and affectionate that Bobby had to smile back at her. ‘But you’re right; you got out of bed. Eventually. Just like you always do.’

 

When she thought about it, Jessica couldn’t help but wonder if Ivy thought she knew Bobby the same way she did now. Knowing his story a little better, knowing that he wasn’t just a flighty chorus boy with a big mouth – did that make it seem like she knew why Jessica loved him so much? Because really, if that was what she envied of their friendship, then Jessica couldn’t help but think she should set her straight. Because knowing Bobby wasn’t really about knowing his story, you didn’t need it to understand him and he’d probably rather you didn’t. He never liked to think it was the only reason anyone could think of him as being worth trusting. No. Knowing Bobby was about knowing those strange facts that you could only get through to by _really_ talking to him. Like the fact his birthday was New Year’s Day, the first baby in the hospital that year and he still had the little certificate the hospital had given his parents to prove it. Or that his four-year-old cousin Allie adored him because he made up crazy fairytales for her whenever she wanted and played theatre with her whenever she was in town. The fact his favourite songs weren’t upbeat pop songs, but actually sad country ones with heartfelt choruses. The fact he would pout for the rest of the day if he somehow ended up with a paper-cut and that, if he didn’t get coffee in the morning, he would end up falling asleep at lunch. But then maybe all that didn’t matter to Ivy as much as it did to Jessica – Ivy knew the side of Bobby she needed to know, knew him in a way it was important for her to know him. The rest? That was Jessica’s, that was the story for her to tell when old school friends asked who the man was in all her pictures, fully expecting her to give them details of some super-sweet romance and not some semi-dysfunctional friendship. Not that they ever seemed to appreciate how much more of an interesting story Bobby was than the stupid romantic comedy tale she just knew they’d really been hoping to hear.

 

‘Bobby. Jessica.’ Jessica blinked, startled by the sound of Tom’s voice from the bottom of the stairs. At her side, Bobby, cool as ever, didn’t even flinch, a slight smirk curling his lips as he looked over to where Tom was standing. ‘Isn’t it time you two were out on the stage already?’ Tom warns, though the warning isn’t backed by the cold confidence Derek had had, and for that, Bobby feels comfortable rolling his eyes.

‘Yeah. Coz we’re just so vital to the lighting of this show,’ he sighed and Jessica barely held in her laugh as the two of them got to their feet. Bobby grabbed her hand, grinning at her, and as the two of them scurried up the stairs, he cast a glance back over his shoulder at Tom, still standing awkwardly at the foot of the stairs like a parent who grounded their kid only to be met with indifference and laughter rather than the expected temper tantrum.

 

‘Bobby.’ They both stop at the sound of Tom’s voice, almost pleading, behind them, and Bobby pauses, half-turning round, half-not. Jessica keeps going for a couple steps after he stops, but when she comes to a halt too, she looks back at Bobby in confusion. His lips were still curved up in amusement but he sighed like he knew he was better than running away from that slight note of aguish in Tom’s voice. Jessica sighed too, giving his shoulder a small nudge.

‘It’s fine. I’ll see you onstage,’ she said with a smile, before turning and heading back up the stairs, leaving Bobby to turn back slowly and look at Tom.

 

‘If you’re going to fire me, then honestly, can you please fire the rest of the cast too? Because we’re all kind of ignoring you right now and I’m not even the one who started it,’ Bobby muttered, coming down a few steps to get a better look at Tom’s face. Tom gave a tense little sigh at the dig but he seemed to decide to let it slide, folding his arms and looking down.

‘Look, I just need someone who’s going to be honest with me.’

‘That sentence rarely ends well for me. Not even kidding.’ Tom chuckled slightly, shaking his head, and Bobby studied him carefully, trying to judge his mood. ‘Seriously, you’re not going to fire me are you? Coz if this is how you do it, I’m going to need you to do it in a cruel and unusual way so I can bitch about it to Jessica later.’

‘Look...I know what I did, ok?’ Bobby’s shoulders sag slightly when Tom says that, because he can see the conversation coming a mile off and he doesn’t want to have it. Tom had crossed a line, Tom shouldn’t be pitied. He folded his arms and sucked in a breath.

‘I think we all know what you did, Tom,’ he shot back dryly and Tom almost winced.

‘Ok; ow. I’m still your director, you know, you could be a bit nicer to me.’

‘You said you wanted honest,’ Bobby reminded him, widening his eyes to make the point, and Tom sighed a small, frustrated little huff.

‘Yes. I did.’ He rubbed his hands over his face, scrunching his eyes tightly closed, and he was aware of Bobby still watching him, his dark eyes beady and curious. ‘What if Jessica was mad at you?’ he asked suddenly, risking a glance up at Bobby. The other man visibly softened, albeit for a fraction of a second, and Tom knew he’d hit a nerve.

‘I’d die, probably. I mean if she got this mad at me, anyway,’ Bobby confessed quietly, shifting slightly. Tom nodded.

‘I know what I did. But I cannot go through this again, ok? Anger I can live with. But this complete shut-out? This complete unwillingness to hear my side...’

‘You’re not entitled to a side, Tom. You crossed a line.’

‘Look; I know you know what happened between Derek and me – most people on Broadway know...and you know more than most people, Bobby.’ Tom searched Bobby’s face for any trace of the sympathy which had briefly been there, but all he saw was an impressive mask of indifference and he realised that this was always going to be a problem with befriending trained actors. ‘I just...I can’t go through that again, ok? I had a friend, we nearly killed each other with anger and now...even if we’ve reached some sort of truce? It can never be the same again.’ Tom rubbed at his temple. ‘I can’t afford to lose another friend, Bobby.’

‘Yeah. Ok. I get it, you’re miserable,’ Bobby sighed, rolling his eyes and turning, about to head back up the stairs before he paused, looking back at Tom thoughtfully. ‘Sometimes you can’t fix things, you know? Some people just...can’t forgive you, whether it’s right or not, that’s their problem, but the damage is done. There is no making it right – you can’t please everyone. And I know that that’s like...your main goal in life, but...it’s not always gonna happen. And it might not happen this time. Just admit defeat and move on already.’

‘So you’re saying that’s it? Ivy’s just...never going to talk to me again?’

‘I wasn’t talking about Ivy,’ Bobby said quietly and Tom flinched. Sam’s name hung in the air between them for a moment and Tom nodded slightly, looking away, suddenly regretting picking Bobby, of all people, to approach over this. Because Bobby was honest, yes. But he was too honest. And too knowing. And too outspoken.

‘I had to do it – all of it – for the sake of the show. It had to come first,’ Tom murmured and Bobby gave him a half smile, shrugging slightly.

‘That’s Broadway, right? It’s a terrible place for terrible people to make magic in. Welcome to the club.’ Bobby rolled his eyes then, straightening up slightly and flicking his hair off his face to fix Tom with a pointed look. ‘Now can I go back to ignoring you? Because honestly, I don’t want to lose any friends either, and you’re kind of not everyone’s favourite director right now.’ Tom laughed a sad, hollow laugh, raking a hand through his hair.

‘Sure.’ Bobby began to leave and Tom watched him for a moment before he called after him. ‘But thank you.’ Bobby glanced back at him, eyebrow arched, and Tom gave him a small smile. ‘Well...I think.’

‘Whatever. I’m pretty sure you’re cursing me in your head,’ Bobby remarked with a grin before he disappeared up the stairs.

 

 

***

 

 

_‘Jess is a lot of things. A mess mostly – and I mean that literally, coz really, have you seen her bedroom?’ Bobby smiled sadly, shaking his head. ‘But she’s not an idiot. She has a limit. I obviously pushed her to it. Funny...you want someone to see that there isn’t good in everyone only to find out that that means they don’t want to see the good in you anymore either.’ He played with the photograph still tacked to his mirror. ‘There’s nothing to say, Ivy. I can’t tell her how to feel about it, I’d suck even more than I already do. And I don’t want to disappoint her, honestly. Not anymore.’ He shrugged, sighing deeply. ‘I’m not going to lie and say I regret what I did, because  I don’t. But I’m not going to fight her on it either, not this time. We’ve fought about everything, you know? Every day we argue about things. She’ll call me an idiot and kick me under the table and it’s over. Simple as that. I think we do it because we know it doesn’t matter. Like – we’d always be able to be ourselves with each other, even when we disagreed. Might as well let it out with someone who’ll still love you after the showdown, you know? But this time? There’s too much at stake. It’s our whole friendship on the line on this one. So I surrender, ok. She’s not going to kick me under the table and call me an idiot and still be there in the morning to get coffee with. One wrong sentence? And it’s game over. So I’ll take what I’ve got and I’ll get out alive. And I’m pretty sure she’s gonna do the same.’_

                                                                                                                                 

 

***

 

Most people can tell when Bobby is coming. The air around him changes. Vibrates. His whole body thrums with an unmistakeable energy that you can feel through walls. He can shift a room’s centre of gravity just by knocking on the door; a natural phenomena yet to be studied by science.

 

It was just starting to go dark when he appeared. As if out of nowhere, dark eyes dancing. A flash of teeth. And Dennis had felt him coming, had realised the moment his eyes had locked onto his back. It felt a lot like falling, a lot like a rush of air to the lungs, and it made all the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

‘Hey, Bambi. Slow down. God, anyone would think you’re avoiding me.’ Dennis risked a glance at him and he felt the street tilt slightly; that smile was so disarming it was easy to forget, briefly, that this was a conversation he wasn’t sure he wanted to have. ‘I tried to call you, you’ve been impossible to reach though. You’re actually the most annoying person I know, for the record.’ Dennis swallowed, a ghost of a smile playing on his lips. Bobby looked good, dapper and charming; hair swept up off his face, smart sweater, phone clutched in hand, as always. The coat Dennis recognised and that made his smile widen, briefly – Bobby had had to charm his landlord into giving him an extra few weeks to pay his rent because of that coat (and one or two other overpriced items) and he had spent the next few weeks taking every wedding booking in the New York area to cover the difference. Jessica was always saying she loved Bobby for his details; even the stupid ones like his inability to budget. Dennis was surprised to find that he’d begun cataloguing those details too. And maybe, just maybe, falling a little bit in love without realising. They were absurd little quirks, pieces of information he hadn’t even realised he’d noticed about him, but he knew them. And he knew they all made him smile. ‘Earth to Bambi? You ok over there?’ Bobby leant back slightly, trying to meet Dennis’ gaze, and Dennis blinked rapidly, searching the other man’s face for a moment, surprised at how lost he felt. ‘Oh my God, how can you even be ignoring me in person now?’ Bobby smirked, rolling his eyes, not a trace of anger on his face. The guilt Dennis felt was acute. ‘So anyway – I’ve been trying to call you. But apparently, you never turn your phone on. So here I am.’ Bobby’s smile was neither shy nor sweet; it was regular, unapologetic Bobby through and through and Dennis ached with regret for not calling him back at least one of those times. Because really, he should’ve known that it was impossible to avoid Bobby, should’ve known the other man would just outright seek him out if he didn’t pick up the phone. It’s who Bobby was; he had to _know_ and he had to _talk_. ‘I’m in charge of the guest list for Ivy’s birthday party tonight – and I know you’re not technically in Bombshell anymore...and she may have said something about wanting me to invite straight guys but...I figured after your show tonight, you might want to stop by? I know Ivy would love to see you. And Jess. And I guess I could put up with your stupid face for one night. If I have to.’

 

The odd thing was, that even after spending all this time avoiding him, Dennis knew he would find it so easy to just agree, to just follow him. Bobby was so dazzling when he was like this, so unstoppable. Refreshing, almost. There was a pull to the idea of agreeing to just follow him, to falling in with him again, and when Dennis looked at him, at the carefree way he was smiling back at him, it was hard to match up his anxieties with the man himself. Bobby was wild, sure, devilish, even. But he was charismatic. And fascinating. And mostly well-meaning. He was nothing like anyone else Dennis knew, though. And maybe that was what really scared him.

 

‘Bobby...’ Dennis faltered, glancing down. He could still feel Bobby’s eyes on him, could practically sense the curiosity in them burning his skin. ‘I um...I talked to Kurt.’ He risked a glance back up then, just in time to see Bobby’s jaw clench. His whole expression had changed – even the light in his eyes had disappeared – and if Dennis hadn’t felt bad before, he definitely felt bad then. Because Bobby could be dark and cutting, but his eyes almost always danced.

‘And was this before or after you started ignoring me?’ Bobby asked quietly. Dennis couldn’t meet his eyes and Bobby simply shook his head slightly, looking away. ‘Wow, Bambi. I didn’t know you were so quick to judge people,’ he remarked. Dennis sighed, looking at Bobby earnestly.

‘Bobby, it’s not like that.’

‘Oh – so what is it like then?’

‘I’m not judging. I just...people don’t get that cut up about their ex unless...unless something happened,’ Dennis said, still looking at Bobby with wide, pleading eyes. But Bobby stared back at him coldly, his disappointment palpable. ‘Look, just...just tell me what happened between you two, help me get why he’d be so... _wary_ of you. Why would he want to warn me about you if you did nothing wrong?’ Bobby winced, biting at the inside of his cheek and looking down at the floor.

‘Oh my God. I can’t believe you’d even ask me that.’ He pulled a face. ‘And I’m the one that should be wary of him, actually,’ he muttered.

 

The middle of the street wasn’t the time or place, but Dennis couldn’t help but feel that, if he didn’t press Bobby now, then he’d simply never tell, he’d just turn on his heel and walk away for good. And somehow Dennis knew that was much worse than him being angry with him.

‘So...what happened?’ he asked softly. Bobby’s lips curved into a sad smile.

‘Good question,’ he remarked, shaking his head. ‘Me and Kurt used to be...God, inseparable, practically. Him, me and Jessica – we went everywhere together, didn’t have our own lives at all, basically.’ Bobby let out a soft laugh, rolling his eyes. ‘I guess I got Jess in the break-up.’ He and Dennis shared a small, brief smile then, before Bobby turned his eyes back to the floor, shrugging slightly. ‘I loved him. A lot.’ That was barely above a whisper and Dennis had to strain to hear it over the sound of the city moving around them. But it was there. Sad and distant. Dennis felt that pang of guilt again, stronger this time.

‘Why’d you two break up then? If it was so good?’ Bobby swallowed.

‘Oh, you know. Ridiculously sweet guy, ridiculously catty boyfriend. What do you think happened, Bambi?’

‘Bobby,’ Dennis said, half-reprimand, half-sympathy. Bobby simply bit his lip, avoiding Dennis’ eyes at all costs.

‘It’s kinda complicated.’ Bobby shoved his hands in his pockets and huffed out a breath. ‘Even I don’t know, really. I mean...things got out of control, I guess. And I don’t know why Kurt took it the way he did or why he didn’t...but I didn’t do anything wrong, you know. I don’t know what he told you about me but...it probably wasn’t true.’

 

There was a pause. A moment of quiet where neither one of them wanted to speak. Or perhaps neither one of them dared. Dennis studied Bobby’s face, trying to get some sort of clue, still hoping for the rest of the story. But Bobby wouldn’t look at him, his head clearly a million miles away.

‘He said you’re gorgeous, actually. And that’s true, right?’ Bobby finally looked up. ‘And he said you’re dangerous. And a total bitch...and that it made him want to kiss you. I don’t think he was lying about that.’ Dennis sighed, swallowed, shifted uncomfortably. ‘He said you stabbed him in the back,’ he added more quietly and Bobby rolled his eyes.

‘Trust me, Bambi; you have no idea.’

‘Then _tell me_.’

‘You’re my friend, Dennis! You’re not supposed to need to ask. You should know who I am and what I’m capable of.’

‘Well maybe I’m asking because I don’t think you’re just a friend, ok?’ Dennis shot back, only realising just how much he’d let slip when the words were already out there and Bobby was staring back at him with a mixture of surprise and anger.

‘Even more reason why you should just trust me then,’ he whispered after a moment and Dennis closed his eyes, rubbing his hands over his face.

‘It’s that bad? It’s that bad that you don’t want to even give me a clue?’

‘I didn’t say it was bad. You just assumed,’ Bobby said icily, before shifting his weight slightly, taking a step back to lean against the wall. He scuffed his shoe lightly against the floor. ‘He thinks I cheated on him. To help a friend get a part.’ Bobby swallowed, turning his eyes skywards. ‘To help a friend get a part over him, actually. Coz, you know, he didn’t think little of me enough already, apparently.’ He leant his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. ‘Truth is, my friend Zak? Yeah, well, he was going through his own nightmare at the time. When he caught me sneaking out at all hours to go look out for him, he lost it. Asked me to choose. I chose Zak.’ Bobby shrugged. ‘Zak’s an idiot. And he can be kind of obnoxious sometimes...maybe that’s why we get on so well. But he’s my oldest friend, you know? It wasn’t my place to tell anyone what was going on with him. And it wasn’t my boyfriend’s place to be telling me to choose. He should’ve trusted me when I told him I wasn’t cheating on him.’

‘What happened?’

‘I told him I wouldn’t choose. Explained as best I could without giving away Zak’s secrets. He dropped it. Or I thought he did. We called a truce...and then the audition came up. I don’t know how I even let myself get dragged into it, honestly. He was up against a couple of friends of mine, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. We all went for drinks after the audition and he accused me of flirting too much with them. And yeah, I probably did, but I went home with him. And they’re my friends anyway – there’s a reason none of us were going out with each other already. Anyway...he didn’t get the part. One of my friends did. The weeks leading up to the audition, I was still dealing with Zak...but because of what had happened before? I made excuses. It was dumb, I know but I just...didn’t want another fight with him. Anyway, he called me out on one of my lies, I couldn’t cover in time, he stormed out. He was still hurt about not getting that part, I think, coz he put two and two together so quickly I didn’t even see him doing it. He added it up and worked it out at about a hundred and five and it was ridiculous.’ Bobby picked at something on his jacket, still avoiding Dennis’ eyes. ‘He called me a terrible person...said I ruined stuff, that I corrupted things.’ Bobby shrugged, straightening up a little. ‘I didn’t leave my bed for a while. Someone you’ve been that close to turns around and says that...someone you thought would never say a bad word about anyone? You have to wonder if they have a point.’

‘Bobby...’

‘Save it, Dennis. You basically think just as little of me...and you’ve known me almost as long, so don’t even go there, ok?’ Bobby said sharply, suddenly meeting Dennis’ gaze. ‘Jess picked me up, and honestly? Jess is a better person than you and Kurt combined so...yeah. She had faith in me. And she put me back together and I got on with my life again. And just in case Kurt tells you I started false rumours about him and told everyone his secrets? I didn’t. His secrets never left my lips. I didn’t even mention him to anyone but Jess after we broke up, swear to God.’ Bobby exhaled slowly. ‘I know who did say that stuff about him. I didn’t make much effort to stop them but...I never passed anything on and I always set people straight if they said anything directly to me. Besides, if I’m not passing it on? It doesn’t tend to go far.’ Bobby nodded slowly, pushing himself up off the wall. ‘So there you go, Bambi. My story. You can believe me if you want, it doesn’t even matter anymore.’ He took a step back. ‘I have a party to get to...but I just uninvited you so...don’t show up. Not even kidding.’

 

For a second, Dennis was frozen, his mouth refusing to form words as he watched Bobby turn on his heel. There were a lot of things he could say, some things he ought to say. But somehow he knew that what he actually did say, was the one thing he definitely shouldn’t have.

‘He said you stabbed Jess in the back too.’ Bobby stopped immediately. ‘Was that a misunderstanding as well?’ Dennis was aware of how small his voice sounded, and he was surprised Bobby had even heard him.

‘She’s my best friend,’ Bobby replied, a low determination in his voice that Dennis felt in every nerve in his body. ‘She’s basically the best person in the whole of New York. I would never stab someone I love that much in the back, ok?’

‘So then why did he say it?’ Bobby pursed his lips, eyes turning down, and Dennis practically held his breath. Because he knew there was a story there; there always was with Bobby. Bobby sighed, glancing off into the street, the corners of his lips turning down ever-so-slightly.

‘Because I ran a guy out of town without telling her.’ Dennis’ eyes widened and Bobby shot him a glare. ‘Don’t even judge me, Bambi. It was one time, ok? The only time I passed bad information on purpose and the only time I did anything she didn’t know about. I swear.’ Bobby searched Dennis’ face, and evidently, whatever he found there disappointed him, because he shook his head and closed his eyes, turning away once more. ‘Look, whatever, Bambi. Fine. I’m awful. Obviously. But you know how Jake treated her...you know what their relationship was like, you were there for some of it. Jess is too good of a person to keep going through all that. No matter how many times they broke up, he’d always show up again. I love that she loves seeing the good in people – it’s basically the only reason I have her, because she actually sees the good in me – but fixing things that are broken doesn’t always work out so great for her, you know? So she’d always take him back and she’d always get hurt. I needed him out of town so she could get over him. So I did what I had to do.’ Bobby shrugged again, looking Dennis in the eye finally. ‘Look...I’m not a terrible person. I say stupid things sometimes but...I’m not terrible. And at least I don’t pretend to be this sweet, lovable guy who wouldn’t say a bad word about anyone...that? That is all you, Bambi.’

 

And if Dennis stood there for ten minutes after Bobby was gone, trying and failing to convince himself that he’d done nothing wrong, then he didn’t admit it. At least, not for a long time. Not until another New York night when the air was humming and it was just starting to get dark.

 

***

 

_‘Seriously, Bambi. How can you not want to know? Ask me anything; I’ll answer you.’ Bobby’s eyes were sparkling as he laughed, his head tossed back and his hair flying wildly about his face as the breeze picked up. ‘I’m going to mess up, Bambi. It’s what I do. I’m going to be a total bitch and you’re going to hate me.’ He shrugged, carefree. ‘But we’ll have fun. And don’t even think about telling me you don’t want know – I know you want to know. Because you’re still here. So that means I’m more than just some bitchy chorus boy to you. So admit you were wrong about me. Admit defeat and admit you like me, even before I’ve had my coffee in the mornings.’ He looked Dennis up and down, the corners of his lips curling. ‘Or don’t. It’ll be your loss though.’_

 

 

***

 

 

‘You’re taking this well, Chorus Boy.’ Bobby let out a long sigh. He was perched on the bar, texting out the last few party reminders and swinging his legs back and forth absentmindedly, humming to himself. Jessica had been sticking candles into the birthday cake, but now she had turned to face him, her head on one side, eyes narrowed as she scrutinized him. He smiled idly back at her, leaning back on his hands with a small shrug.

‘Yeah, well...I have a party to help make happen, don’t I? And besides, Dennis is being kind of a jerk. I mean...who even believes when someone’s ex boyfriend just spontaneously offers them information? It’s ridiculous. And I’m not gonna let it bother me.’ Jessica smiled softly back at him, giving him a small nod of approval.

‘Quite right too,’ she said and the two of them shared a grin before she spun back around, sticking the final candle in place. ‘I can’t believe Kurt just took it upon himself to warn Dennis off you, though. I mean...how did he even work out you two had a thing?’

‘Body language?’ Bobby smirked, leaning back and quirking an eyebrow. Jessica chuckled. ‘Maybe he just took a look at Dennis. Have we or have we not established that I have a type?’ Bobby added, rolling his eyes theatrically. Jessica glanced back at him, shaking her head.

‘Point taken,’ she agreed, jumping up to sit next to him on the bar. ‘I’m still impressed you’re taking this so well, though,’ she added, bumping her shoulder against his. ‘You’ve come a long way, Monkey. I’m proud of you,’ she said softly. Bobby met her soft smile with one of his own.

‘You shouldn’t be. I’m totally trying to work out how to use this for sympathy ice cream at your place later,’ he said, his smile curling into a grin, though his brown eyes stayed warm.

‘You’ll get the first piece of cake after Ivy and like it. _Maybe_ ,’ Jessica laughed, jumping back down and scooping up the cake so she could hide it away for later.

 

Bobby looked at Jessica properly for the first time since he’d arrived then. Her hair was loose, falling in soft waves around her still-smiling face, her eyes bright and sparkling, sunny even under the soft glow of the bar lighting. She was wearing one of her favourite dresses, for once not bothering with a plethora of accessories. She looked happy, that was what it was. She looked gloriously, stupidly content. More comfortable in her own skin than she had when he’d first met her, certainly, and he could help but smile.

‘Hey, Glitter Bug.’ Jessica spun around, her dress swishing. ‘You look crazy-beautiful tonight, you know that?’ Jessica laughed at him, rolling her eyes.

‘You’re still not getting ice cream,’ she said and Bobby stuck his tongue out at her.

‘Ok, that was a genuinely sweet moment, and you just ruined it by being a brat,’ he protested as she turned back, still giggling. ‘God. This is why I’m not nice to people,’ he added with a smirk, returning to his phone and pretending he didn’t see her pulling faces at him as she skipped off with the cake.

 

Truth be told, he knew there was a part of her that didn’t quite believe him when he said he was ok; he knew that she’d probably be calling him every morning for the next week or so, making sure he was out of bed and asking if he needed pancakes. But that was fine; worrying about him was what Jessica did, and he loved her for it. Besides, he actually really was ok. He wasn’t sure why it didn’t hurt; maybe he really had gotten over everything that happened, maybe Dennis didn’t mean as much to him as he’d thought, or maybe he was just doomed to have a delayed reaction to it all and wake up three months later with that horrible pressing-down feeling on his chest and a desperate need for one of Jessica’s pep-talks. Just because he was fine, of course, that didn’t mean he wasn’t running it all back, over and over in his head. Both Dennis and Kurt had hurt him, in their own ways, and although the wound didn’t sting as much as it might’ve done in the past, it didn’t change the fact that it was a wound. It was something that mattered to him, it was something that he needed to untangle in his head. As far as Dennis was concerned, his feelings were more simple; there was an overwhelming sense of disappointment in someone who he’d thought had had a better heart than that, who he’d thought would just come to him and tell him what his ex had said rather than trying to avoid him for days before demanding to be told his secrets. But at the same time, he could understand the need for information – he always wanted answers, he always needed to know the stories behind the things he heard, could he really be angry at Dennis just for doing the same? Especially when Dennis had let slip why he needed those answers; he still cared for Bobby as more than a friend. That information alone was significant. Because as angry as he was, and as disappointed as he was, Bobby still liked Dennis too, still thought of him as someone special. Still remembered that he tasted of strawberries.

 

But then Bobby thought of Kurt. He let out a sigh, staring across at where Sam was sitting making phone calls to potential suitors for Ivy. Jessica was back now, standing by Sam at the table, pouring glasses of champagne. Bobby was grateful that she had her back to him, because he knew for sure that if she looked up, she’d know immediately what he was dwelling on and would start fussing over him before he could explain. Because yes, he was thinking about Kurt. But he was surprised to find that he didn’t feel the same total devastation overcome him like it used to. Because really, what had Kurt won? He hadn’t won the argument, because all of their mutual friends had picked Bobby’s side when it was all said and done. None of them had thought he was terrible. And for whatever reason, all of them had known Bobby could be trusted, and more importantly, had decided that Bobby was the person of the two who they most wanted to keep in their lives. Yet it was more than that; Kurt clearly hadn’t won, because he was still walking round with their break-up as an open wound, an active presence in his head, pervading everything. It wasn’t like that for Bobby anymore. It was something that he thought of when he was reminded of it, something that made him sad if he thought about it, but no longer ruled the way he lived his life. Kurt? Kurt was giving out free lectures on why Bobby was an awful person to anyone he thought might make the mistake of liking him. And the interesting part of that lecture? It included notes on how Bobby was gorgeous and still made Kurt want to kiss him. Bobby arched an eyebrow, his lips curling at the corners. Kurt still wanted to kiss him....he was pretty sure that meant he was the one with the power in that situation. After all, what was it Kyle had told him? He is terrible, but not in that way. ‘People fear what they don’t understand,’ he half-sang under his breath before jumping down from the bar and heading over to Jessica to steal one of her just-poured glasses of champagne.

 

‘So, what do you reckon?’ Bobby turned from his conversation with Amber to see Sam flopping down into the seat next to him, his eyes on the door to the bar. The longer it was taking Ivy to break free of Tom’s birthday surprise, the jumpier Sam had gotten, and Bobby suspected that had less to do with Sam’s desire for Ivy to have a great birthday and a lot more to do with Sam’s need to get back at Tom. Taking a sip of his drink, Bobby leant back in his seat, arching an eyebrow and trying to hide his smirk.

‘You’re going to have to be a little bit more specific if you want to use my expertise, Strickland,’ he sighed and Sam shot him an unimpressed look.

‘I mean about Ivy. You think Tom stands a chance of talking her down or what?’ he asked, his eyes going back to the door and then down to the phone in his hand. Bobby simply rolled his eyes and shrugged.

‘How should I know? Tom and me aren’t exactly BFF,’ he replied. Sam gave him another withering glance, and it occurred to Bobby that maybe he shouldn’t push him. Sam had never really had time for his games, had never looked at him as someone with whom he could have an adult conversation either; there was something to be said for the idea of proving him wrong.

‘Look; you know everything about everything,’ Sam said folding his arms and fixing Bobby with a serious look. ‘And the last time I checked? You weren’t exactly shy about offering an opinion. So I’m asking yours; what chance do you think Tom has of getting Ivy back?’ Bobby studied Sam’s face carefully before letting out a long sigh and setting down his glass.

‘Ok, first of all? I don’t think anybody’s ‘winning Ivy back’, ok? She’s your friend, not some shirt you lost in a game of poker,’ he muttered, wrinkling his nose. Sam glared at him again for that but Bobby ignored him, leaning forward just enough to look him in the eye. ‘And second? What does it matter? Ivy being friends with him again doesn’t mean you have to forgive him; he committed separate offences against separate people, Sam. And say what you like about the guy? But he loves Ivy. I doubt there’s a point at which he’s going to just stop and admit defeat, you know?’ Bobby flashed Sam a wry smile. ‘You’re supposed to be the mature one around here. Go grow up and get over it already – it’s what you’d tell Ivy to do if roles were reversed,’ he added. Sam rubbed a hand over his face and sighed.

‘Maybe I’m tired of being the only adult around here. Maybe I’m just tired in general.’

‘Is that why you decided to pick on the biggest child in the room to come to with your problems? Coz, honestly? I think this is the longest conversation the two of us have had. And I mean ever. In the entire time we’ve known each other.’ Sam let out a soft chuckle, glancing across at Bobby with a small smile.

‘I don’t know. I’m not sure I buy the whole immature routine anymore, actually,’ he said and when Bobby frowned at him in confusion he shrugged. ‘Ivy told me about Boston. You probably did a better job than I would’ve, honestly.’ Bobby smiled faintly and looked down into his glass. ‘I’ve just felt so lost lately, you know? After everything that’s happened. Maybe I was hoping you’d sprinkle some of that magic dust on me. I think I’d like to be carefree for a while.’ Bobby smirked.

‘I know; I make it look good, right?’ he grinned and Sam laughed.

‘Yeah. Something like that.’ Bobby nodded and the two shared a smile before Bobby let out a sigh and finished off what was left in his glass. Sam swallowed. ‘So...if Ivy asked, would you call off the pack?’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ Bobby said dryly, his brown eyes glinting mischievously. Sam shook his head, smirking.

‘Uh-huh. So, you know nothing about persuading an entire cast to freeze a guy out then, huh?’

‘That was Ivy’s idea.’

‘You made sure it happened. Nothing happens in this cast unless you want it to, we both know that.’ Bobby tried to smother his smile and Sam nodded knowingly. ‘So be honest with me here; if I wanted him to stay frozen out, but Ivy wanted him back in...’ He watched Bobby carefully, and Bobby, for his part, kept his eyes downturned as he mulled over the thought in his head. Eventually he looked back up at Sam with a shrug.

‘You really want the answer?’

‘So that’s a yes then.’

‘Yeah. It’s a yes. But trust me; I have my reasons.’

‘Like what?’

‘Like...you hated Mormon. You were always gonna quit – Tom just gave you an excuse. You’re mad it didn’t work out but...it’s easier to be mad at Tom than admit just how mad you are with yourself, right?’ Bobby arched an eyebrow and Sam simply stared at him in disbelief.

‘I hate you right now,’ he said simply and Bobby smirked.

‘Not the first time I’ve heard that this week.’ He rolled his eyes and smiled ruefully. ‘But hey; we all know you people would actually die of boredom without me.’

 

As the party began to die down, the usual core was left behind; Jessica was dancing with Sue, Sam was involved in an intense debate with Beth as the two of them shared a slice of cake, and Bobby sat at the bar, showing the barman how to mix some of his own-recipe cocktails whilst simultaneously trying to work out if he was single. In Bobby’s opinion, this was how only the best parties ended.

‘Hey Chorus Boy, you promised me a birthday hug over an hour ago; I’m still waiting.’ Bobby turned around in his seat to see Ivy coming towards him, beaming playfully, and he immediately grinned back at her, hopping down from his barstool to wrap his arms around her in a tight hug.

‘I totally hugged you when you got here, by the way. This is just a bonus coz it’s your birthday,’ he told her, giving her an extra squeeze and smiling as he felt her laughing over his shoulder. Her hair tickled his cheek and he scrunched up his nose in mock-protest. ‘Ok, now you have to put me down before my chances of getting a date with the bartender go completely out the window,’ he informed her, pulling back from the hug and climbing back onto his barstool. Ivy rolled her eyes at him fondly, sliding onto the barstool next to his as he called the barman over and ordered her a drink. ‘So; you haven’t told me what you and Tom got up to earlier,’ Bobby continued, resting his chin on his hand and widening his eyes at her for emphasis. ‘Was it awful?’ he asked with a wicked laugh and Ivy swotted at him half-heartedly.

‘Hey; hasn’t Jessica warned you already? It’s my birthday, you have to play nice, Chorus Boy.’ Bobby let out a groan of protest and Ivy simply laughed at him, shaking her head.

‘I saw the two of you talking outside. How did that go?’ Bobby asked her, his voice turning soft. Ivy gave him a half-smile half-shrug, accepting the drink the barman handed her and taking a long sip.

‘As well as it could. I don’t know...it’s something new for us. When he’s just been...the composer of the show I’m in, it hasn’t changed anything, you know?’

‘But now he’s Mr. Director...’

‘Even if I forgive him for hiring my mother? Which...I’m not saying I completely have but...I’m getting there. Still...it doesn’t change the fact that...I can’t be around him as much as I could before. I’ve already had to listen to his voice all day, I don’t want to have to listen to it all night as well.’

‘I get that,’ Bobby conceded gently, sipping on his own drink. ‘And was he ok with it?’

‘I’m not sure. I guess it’s scary for both of us right now; it’s my first lead role, his first time directing...the one time we can’t be there for each other and it’s the one time we need each other the most,’ Ivy sighed, pulling a face of distaste.

‘Wow. Sucks to be you,’ Bobby drawled and Ivy laughed, kicking his shin.

‘Seriously, Bobby?’ she demanded as Bobby chuckled, his whole face scrunched up with mirth. Ivy couldn’t help but laugh too, soft and defeated. Her blue eyes were fond as she regarded him, and she thought to herself, briefly, that it was nice to know that she still had one friendship left which was unaltered by the drama. Bobby was Bobby, no matter what else happened, that wouldn’t change. It was a different sort of friendship to any of her others, but it was nice, and she valued it greatly in that moment. Bobby could always make her smile. ‘You want to know what his big surprise was?’ she asked him suddenly, her eyes wide and dancing with excitement. Bobby raised an eyebrow.

‘Shock me, Centre Stage,’ he said and Ivy leant in even closer.

‘Liza. Minnelli.’ Bobby’s jaw dropped.

‘You’re shitting me.’

‘Nope. And that’s not even all he did; he wrote me a song and he had her sing it to me.’ Bobby’s eyes were comically wide and Ivy giggled mischievously as she watched him take in what she had just told him.

‘Ok – I’m going to need you to give me Tom’s number and let me be his new best friend. Because really, I deserve to be sung to by Liza Minnelli next year and honestly? Jess just isn’t doing enough to make it happen.’ He didn’t cave into his laughter until Ivy burst out laughing herself, punching him soundly on the arm as she did.

 

 

***

 

_‘No arguments, Jess. I’m taking you home. You’re sleepy and tipsy, and honestly? That bartender totally isn’t my type anyway. So shut up and put my coat on before you freeze to death. And then move your butt before we both freeze to death. God, you’re like a child – stop pouting! You lost this one. Get over it before I carry you home already...Oh my God, you were not supposed to like that idea, quit trying to jump in my arms before someone thinks I’m straight! This is why you should never be allowed cake and champagne. You’re ridiculous.’_

***

 

Jessica jumped at the sound of her phone ringing. It was the last day of tech and she was already last out – even Bobby had given up on her, although that was mostly because his cousin Allie was in town and he wanted to spend some time with her before the craziness of dress rehearsals and opening night descended upon them all. Performing an intricate balancing act with her many bags, Jessica attempted to discover where the ringing was coming from whilst also signing herself out for the day, almost dropping all her bags in the process. This was why she had a best friend she was joined at the hip with; it made life easier when you could count on a second pair of hands.

‘Please hold on, I have like...ten bags here!’ she whined, rummaging through a sea of headphones and hairclips before finally spotting the glow of her phone screen.

 

When she finally reached it out of her bag, her face fell. It was a long time since that number had been on her phone screen. ‘This can’t be happening,’ she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut. ‘Allie, I love you, but why did your parents have to pick this fortnight to bring you here?!’ she muttered. Because really, other than Bobby’s phone, her only other competition for his affections? His – admittedly adorable – cousin. The problem? She only ever seemed to be around when Jessica needed Bobby most. Jessica blew out a breath and looked back down at her phone. Still ringing; he always had been persistent, though never at the times she wanted him to be, of course. She’d told herself – and Bobby, when he asked – that if ever Jake phoned her again, she was finally ready to call him out as a jerk and hang up straight away. But now that the moment was here, she wasn’t so sure she was that strong. And she wasn’t so sure that her feelings towards him were all that simple either.

 

‘You gonna get that?’ Jessica gasped in surprise, spinning round and coming face to face with Sam, who was looking at her with concern.

‘Sam! I didn’t know you were still here.’

‘Yeah, I forgot my phone. Hey, you alright?’ Sam pressed, looking at her curiously, and Jessica let out a small, flustered laugh, glancing back down at her phone and shaking her head. There was a lot to be said for her and Bobby’s silent understanding; if he’d walked in on her ignoring a phone call, he wouldn’t even have brought it up. Probably would’ve hung up for her and carried on telling her all the latest Broadway gossip.

‘I’m fine, Sam. Just an old friend,’ she dismissed, the tension in her body ebbing away slightly as the ringing finally stopped. ‘How do you just...turn off caring about someone?’ she asked with a rueful smile and Sam smirked at her.

‘I’m probably the wrong person to be asking. I just tend to put my acting skills to good use. Bottle it all up, save it for another time, you know?’ Jessica nodded, giving him a sympathetic smile.

‘I know...it’s still a really crappy feeling though, right?’ Sam chuckled.

‘Nobody likes to admit defeat,’ he agreed.

 

 

***

 

_‘I don’t get it. Why do people constantly think you’re not talking about something important just coz you’re not telling them a story about the end of the world? I wanna talk about the end of a summer. Or that feeling you get when the sun starts coming up after a perfect night. What is so wrong with caring about the ends of relationships? It’s like...people dismiss musicals because everybody’s dancing and singing, so it’s all gotta be cotton candy, right? And no-one realises that, for most people? It’s the small defeats that kill them. Meteors landing, ice caps melting, people killing each other in far-off continents; it’s like it’s too big to process. So we make it small. We focus on our own dramas. Shows mean something. Stories mean something. Because they let people know that...yeah, there is someone out there who gets that, to you, the end of a summer? It’s the worst pain imaginable. And you know what I’m gonna going do, Jess? Like, seriously? Right now? I’m going to tell a story about that stuff to anyone who’ll listen. People should see why the theatre is so important – whatever side of the curtain you’re sitting on.’_


	9. The Ones Which Got Away From Us [Part One]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, so this one turned out to be a long one - so long I've had to split it into two parts! Ok, so, what to expect in this chapter...a lot of Bobby/Dennis, hints of Bobby/Kyle, a lot of Tom with Tom/Kyle and Tom/Sam that's thrown in with some Bobby and Tom friendship for good measure. Karen comes back, Ivy is in there quite a bit, Ana makes quite a significant appearance and there's even some Jimmy. And Jessica and Bobby...well...read and find out...! The practical stuff - the two parts of this chapter encompass The Dress Rehearsal through to (more or less but not quite the very end of) The Producers. Kyle is safe for now for anyone still not ready to acknowledge the end of The Producers though! Hope you enjoy!

_‘Hey…it’s er…it’s me…Bobby. I just wanted to call you and…but it’s stupid and it’s like…three in the morning and I have a show tomorrow.’ There was a silence, but he didn’t hang up – listening closely you could still hear the sound of his breathing down the line, hitching slightly, raspy like he’d been crying. ‘Look, I just…wanted to talk to you, I guess. And now I just sound like an ass saying this to your voicemail but…’ An uncharacteristically unsure pause; Bobby was rarely unsure and it was strange to hear him that way. But he blew out a breath and his voice sounded more determined, less likely to crack, by the time he spoke again. ‘Look, I just thought you should know that…I’m sorry. I’m sorry for whatever happened. I’m sorry for whatever I did. Just…everything. I’m sorry for all of it. I’m sorry for the way it happened and for however it might’ve seemed, ok? I should’ve…been more tactful or whatever. I should’ve tried to talk to you more. But I guess the conversation just always got away from us. Conversations always get away from us, I guess, right?’ There was another long pause and a swallow and something that sounded like a sniff of tears, which was what stopped him from deleting the message right then. ‘Look, Kurt…a guy died last night. A really sweet guy…he got hit by a car and uh…he didn’t…he was just a kid, you know? He was just…this incredible guy with the dumbest smile and the sweetest laugh and…now he’s just gone and I…I’m pretty sure he died without having a fucking clue how much I cared about him…what I really thought of him or…whatever. Look, I just…I can’t stand having you out there not knowing anymore, you know? So…I’m just…I’m sorry, ok?’ His voice little more than a hoarse whisper, he let out a heavy sigh. ‘I’m sorry that I’m a bitch sometimes and I’m sorry that I’ve never bothered to connect up my mouth to my brain…I’m sorry for whatever it was I did to make you think I’m that bad of a person…I’m sorry that you’ve spent all this time thinking that I didn’t love you…didn’t care, didn’t…whatever it was I didn’t make you feel…I’m just…sorry. I’m so sorry. But I did love you. And yeah, you were a bitch too sometimes and you talked crap to me a lot but…I kinda liked that about you. Made you human. Made me seem like I wasn’t so bad. You’re one of the only guys left alive who’s ever made me feel like that…and I just needed you to know. Just in case...look, I’ll see you around, Kurt. Maybe. But if I don’t…I’m just…I’m sorry. And maybe you’re sorry too. And maybe we should both just…try and remember each other in a better way in future, ok? Just in case.’_

***

 

Bobby half-fell out from the stage door, a huffy sigh on his lips and his hair mussed and falling in his eyes. Too exhausted to really care, he slumped against the theatre wall and glanced down at his phone. Another missed call from Dennis: he rolled his eyes and closed the notification, beyond done with the whole saga. Jessica had stuck a ‘Boys are stupid’ sticker on his phone case and, as far as Bobby was concerned, that had been the end of the matter. He’d decided a long time ago that he shouldn’t let people close enough to totally destroy him – Jessica was the only exception and it had obviously been a mistake to even consider that Dennis could be trusted the way she was.

 

Besides, for all that he liked to be untameable and wild, Bobby was still professional to his core. He belonged – body and soul – to his shows, especially when they needed him most. With Bombshell so close to opening, Bobby threw all of his energy into it, allowed it to consume his time and his emotions. There wasn’t time for personal drama when Bombshell was capable of generating enough of its own. But, even now, as he ached to his bones, he didn’t begrudge the show any of it: the theatre was his passion and his show needed him. There was a reason directors everywhere trusted him, even despite the odd lobster here and there – he was one of the hardest working chorus boys on Broadway and he came through every time. A fact Tom seemed to have latched on to quickly – and now he was clinging to it for dear life as he slowly descended into stress-induced insanity.

 

The air was crisp, stabbing and cold as it hit Bobby’s cheeks. He stifled a yawn and straightened his spine, flattening it against the theatre wall as he tipped his head back, enjoying the moment of stillness. He’d been in long before the majority of the company, summoned early to help the swings run some numbers – complete with notes – which they were struggling to pick up, but things were already tense and the air in the theatre had practically begun to vibrate once Tom had entered the building, the man’s nervousness bouncing off every surface and jarring Bobby’s own nerves more than he was comfortable with. He didn’t tend to get the dress rehearsal jitters – didn’t really even get opening night jitters, if he was honest. There was a detached confidence to Bobby which a lot of people mistook for arrogance, and he rarely faltered; he was always step-perfect by the time the invited dress rolled round and, whilst people would judge the work, they would never be able to fault his execution of it, so he didn’t let himself worry, even when things went wrong. You do your best then no-one can take that away from you – everything else that happens is just the universe getting in your way: his grandmother had taught him that. Besides, he had found that over time he had come to reach a point where his shows became a part of him, possessed him like a calming, unstoppable force. And yet even he couldn’t help but feel rattled by Tom’s restlessness, and he needed to get away from the lip biting and the chaos before it ruined the well-honed coolness that had allowed him to survive so long in the business without losing his mind.

 

It was the sound of heels running on concrete which finally stirred him, a knowing smirk forming, unbidden, on his lips, and a heaviness lifting from his shoulders immediately at the interruption to his thoughts. He promptly pushed himself up off the wall and turned in one swift, cat-like move, just in time for a small, laughing body to thud, with force, against his own. Bobby let out a low ‘uff’ from the impact, only just managing to react in time to catch his best friend in a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist.

 

‘Morning, Chorus Boy!’ Jessica hummed, her laughter tickling the back of Bobby’s neck, though he couldn’t help but grin at her enthusiasm despite himself.

‘God, Jess, what did you do? Put cocaine in your coffee this morning?’ he grumbled good-naturedly, not entirely managing to hide the laughter from his voice. Jessica pulled a face at him as he set her back down on the ground, her ponytail still bobbing behind her.

‘I’m just excited – can you believe this show even got this far?!’ Bobby smirked, folding his arms and arching an eyebrow at her.

‘It’s the invited dress, how are you this worked up already?! Coz let me tell you, I saw Ivy earlier, and ‘excited’ was not a word in her vocabulary,’ he smirked softly, his brown eyes unable to hide the fondness he felt when he saw Jessica’s shamelessly giddy smile.

‘Shut up. I told you: my dad’s coming,’ she shrugged, her blue eyes glittering. Bobby nodded knowingly back at her, bumping his shoulder against hers and regarding her out of the corner of his eye, his lips turned up mischievously at the corners.

‘Actually, what I remember you telling me is that Sarah is out of town this week and your dad was under the impression there was no way you could possibly get him tickets for the both of them to come see you on opening night,’ he said slyly and when Jessica narrowed her eyes at him in mock-anger his smirk only widened. ‘Hey, I’m all about the details, Jess,’ he reminded her and Jessica sighed, pouting lightly.

‘Or maybe you know me too well,’ she countered, scrunching up her nose in a show of distaste that didn’t quite convince.

‘Yeah, I also know you’re like a half hour late – did you get stuck on the subway or did you just get distracted by a cute puppy again?’ Bobby pressed and Jessica smacked him lightly.  
“That was one time!” she protested.

“Hit me all you like, Glitter Bug, doesn’t make it any less true. And also? It doesn’t change the fact that you probably ought to get inside now before Tom has an actual stroke.’ Bobby widened his eyes exaggeratedly and shuddered a little at the thought of their antsy director and the atmosphere that had been building inside the theatre since his arrival. Jessica caught his look and pulled a face.

‘Urgh, I take it things aren’t pretty in there?’

‘Oh my God, ‘not pretty’ would actually be an improvement. Seriously,’ Bobby muttered, shaking his head and blowing out a breath, leaning back against the theatre wall and flashing Jessica a devilish smirk. ‘You know that bit in West Side Story when everyone’s running around looking for Tony and then Tony gets shot anyway?’ Jessica tried not to laugh but Bobby trained his expression into one of complete seriousness before rolling his eyes and tipping his head back. ‘Yeah, it’s kinda like that. Except no-one’s doing any pirouettes this time. Oh, and instead of screaming ‘Tony’, Tom keeps screaming ‘Linda’. And at this point Linda would probably welcome being shot, actually.’

 

Jessica frowned playfully then, tapping a finger lightly against her pursed lips, blue eyes twinkling with mischief.

‘I’m not sure there are any actual pirouettes in that scene, though,’ she said and Bobby shot her a half-hearted glare.

‘Please, like that’s even the point I was trying to make.’ Jessica chuckled, linking their arms once more and rising up onto her tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek.

‘Oh, cool it, Action, I’m only teasing. Come on, let’s get inside,’ she said softly, a pretty pink smile curving her lips as she tugged gently on Bobby’s arm. The two of them exchanged a knowing look before Bobby slowly peeled himself off the wall and let Jessica pull him towards the stage door.

‘That’s First Cover Action, to you,’ he muttered, twisting his face into a show of petulance, his glittering eyes betraying his amusement. Jessica simply laughed and Bobby winked back at her, moving out of her grasp in order to hold the stage door open for her and usher her through theatrically, half-bowing as she passed him. Jessica shook her head at him, skipping daintily in through the door and blowing him another kiss. ‘Thank you, Chorus Boy,’ she half-sang, half-laughed and Bobby sighed with mock-despair.

‘You’re welcome, Glitter Bug,’ he said, following her in with a flourish.

 

The backstage air was thick and clammy and too many bodies were moving in too small a space. Jessica wrinkled her nose and squeezed through a small gap in the chaos, making a break for the sign-in sheet and keeping her head down, knowing better than to get sucked in by the fractious atmosphere. There were people wheeling overstuffed clothes rails past at top speed, whilst others balanced boxes of props in their arms as they negotiated their way up the stairs, narrowly avoiding disaster as they stepped over the lost-to-the-world cast members sitting there, heads bent over scripts as they compared notes and double-checked any last-minute tweaks. At the foot of the stairs, Amber and Beth were doing a restrained run-through of Public Relations, each with their headphones in – they didn’t utter a word to each other as they moved, but they fell into perfect time, their expressions focused, their eyes on some place in the middle-distance as they murmured the words under their breath. ‘Don’t say I didn’t warn you,’ Bobby purred somewhere near Jessica’s ear and she glanced up at him with her eyebrow arched in admonishment before turning back to sign herself in.

 

‘Bobby!’ Jessica and Bobby both looked up at the sound of Bobby’s name being half-barked into the cramped space. The two of them twisted in perfect synchronicity, just in time to see Linda picking her way down the stairs, narrowly avoiding a collision with Beth before making a beeline for the two of them.

‘Ok, whatever it is? I didn’t do it. I swear. Jess has been with me for like…fifty percent of the time I’ve been gone, she can vouch for me,’ Bobby said quickly, putting his hands up in mock-surrender, brown eyes wide and playful as Linda shot him a withering glare, her irritation only partially masking her amusement.

‘Tom needs you onstage. He’s decided you’re the only chorus boy in New York he can trust to remember notes and he has plenty.’ Linda glanced up from her clipboard at Bobby. ‘Congratulations,’ she added dryly and Bobby groaned.

‘Oh my God, if he makes my quick-change times any shorter I will kill him. Like, I will actually stab him with a coathanger. Not even kidding.’

‘Get in line,’ Linda deadpanned, slipping her headset back into place and turning to leave before she suddenly stopped, turning slowly on her heel and unclipping something from her clipboard. ‘Jessica: this came for you. Some guy came by earlier looking for you, asked me to pass it on…because clearly I don’t have enough work to do already.’ Jessica frowned in confusion as Linda produced a bright yellow envelope, taking it cautiously from her hands and looking down at it curiously. Linda turned and pointed a warning finger in Bobby’s direction. ‘Bobby: onstage. Now.’

‘I’ll be there!’ Bobby was whining theatrically, flicking his hair haughtily and rolling his eyes for effect, but Jessica had already stopped paying attention to him, too busy staring down at the envelope in her hands. All it had to identify it was her name scrawled untidily across the front. But still, she knew that handwriting. And it occurred to her, somewhat distantly, that Bobby would know it too, and that made her feel oddly panicky.

 

‘Hey, Glitter Bug, you ok over there?’ Jessica jumped slightly at the sound of Bobby’s voice, instinctively pressing the envelope to her chest, her blue eyes wide as she tried her best to raise a smile for her best friend.

‘I’m fine, why?’

‘Er, coz you’re pulling a face like your stalker just sent you a lock of his hair? Come on, Jess, it’s me you’re talking to – you’re not fine. Who’s the card from?’

‘No-one, just an old friend. Seriously, Monkey, everything’s fine, just go help Tom,’ Jessica insisted, nodding her head enthusiastically, her ponytail swishing furiously behind her.

‘You’re lying,’ Bobby informed her bluntly. ‘You can’t lie, Jess, you’re really bad at it; you bob your head way to much when you lie.’ Bobby narrowed his eyes at her. ‘Did you get a boyfriend and not tell me?’ Bobby was still studying her thoughtfully when suddenly his eyes widened and he straightened up instantly. ‘Oh my God, it’s Jake isn’t it,’ he gasped and Jessica started slightly, not quite sure how it was possible for him to know just from looking at her. She squirmed under his gaze, trying to avoid his eyes and failing miserably. ‘Jessica, seriously…tell me you didn’t take him back.’

‘No!’ Jessica exclaimed, giving Bobby an indignant smack. ‘He just…he found out I was in Bombshell somehow and…he’s been calling me and I tried really hard to just ignore it but…he kept calling and…well, now he thinks we can just be friends again or something, that’s all.’ Jessica sighed, looking up at Bobby plaintively. ‘Don’t be mad at me.’

 

Bobby’s thin lips twisted into a fond smirk and he sighed, moving to stand next to her, leaning against the wall and meeting her eyes.

‘I’m not mad at you, Jess. I’m pissed at him for bringing you down from Skipping Pixie Jess to Crazy Secretive Jess with one stupid card that I know you’re not even going to let me read.’ Jessica’s lips twitched up into a smile and she was filled with a whoosh of love for her best friend which prompted her to raise up onto her tiptoes and wrap him into a tight hug.

‘Sorry I didn’t tell you he called me.’

‘You better be,’ Bobby murmured into her hair, kissing the top of her head and squeezing her close before slowly leaning back to look down into her face once more. ‘I’m gonna go get bossed around by Tom for a bit – meet me onstage in ten minutes?’

‘Sure,’ Jessica nodded, releasing Bobby and watching him head down the corridor for a moment before looking back down at the envelope in her hands with a sigh.

 

‘Oh, and Jessica?’ Jessica looked up to see Bobby leaning back around the corner, his lips curled into a bright smile but his brown eyes intense as they locked onto her. ‘When you pretend to me later that you didn’t go read his card right now and cry over him before saving it with all the other things of his you’ve kept that you think I don’t know about? Appreciate just how much restraint it will be taking me to not give you – and him – a lecture on why you are so much better than that idiot, ok?’ Jessica laughed softly and Bobby raised his eyebrows at her in an attempt to emphasise his point. ‘One card now does not make up for all the birthdays and opening nights he forgot, Jess,’ he added gently. ‘Remember that.’

‘Promise,’ Jessica said with a small smile before tilting her head to one side thoughtfully. ‘You’re my best friend, you know that, Chorus Boy?’ Bobby’s smile softened, and though he glanced down to try and hide it, Jessica knew his face too well to miss it.

‘You’re just saying that coz you want me to bake you good luck cookies for opening night, Jess,’ he shot back with a roll of his eyes. ‘God, you’re so demanding,’ he sighed airily, then he paused, his smile turning soft again. ‘But maybe you’re my best friend too…I guess. If I had to choose.’ Jessica laughed at him as his smile turned back into a mischievous grin and he suddenly bounced on the balls of his feet, flicking his hair and sticking his tongue out at her before making a speedy exit in the direction of the stage.

 

Jessica stood for a moment, watching the space where Bobby had just been with a silly smile on her face that she couldn’t quite explain; there were moments sometimes where their conversations got away from her, jumped out of her grasp before she could get them back under control. Because Bobby was always too quick, too good at reading her every move, understanding every rise and fall in her voice, every flick of her eyes. It ought to terrify her, how good he was at that. But instead she found a comfort in it – it took some of the pressure off to know that, if she went flying off the edge of the cliff, Bobby would probably come flying off with her, parachute pre-packed.

 

Once she got to her dressing room, she was both relieved and surprised to find it empty but for a scattering of dance bags and make-up across the surfaces, a few jackets and scarves tossed over the backs of the chairs. It hadn’t taken long for the girls of Bombshell’s ensemble to make themselves at home in their Lily Hayes dressing room and pictures and trinkets already adorned every mirror. Sue’s corner of the dressing room was immaculate and well-presented, because she was immaculate and well-presented in everything she did, and Jessica couldn’t help but cringe slightly at her decision to take the mirror next to hers. Jessica’s space in the dressing room was chaotic at best, over-full of useless trinkets, hair products and sprays, tissues and make-up brushes, a small stuffed cat clutching a shamrock sitting in the middle of the mess – the cat had come everywhere with her since her debut in Chicago, the peculiar yet somehow adorable creature had been a good luck gift from Bobby, left in her dressing room as a way of lifting her spirits after she’d had an attack of nerves the morning before her first show and had cried all over him when he told her he couldn’t make it in person to the show that night. Her mirror was just as colourful and cluttered as the dressing table, half-covered with notes and photographs – as per tradition, it was a photograph of her and Bobby which took pride of place, and this time she had chosen a picture which Ivy had taken on the cast’s journey home from Boston, Jessica asleep with her head on Bobby’s shoulder, Bobby’s head resting on top of hers as he glared down at her in mock-annoyance. Jessica looked from the picture to the envelope in her hands, dropping her bags to the floor with disinterest as she flopped into her chair.

‘Glare all you want, Chorus Boy, I’m still opening it,’ she murmured, briefly looking back up at the photograph with a small pout before down-turning her eyes and biting on her lip, tracing the edges of the envelope and drawing in a deep breath. ‘Wanting to know isn’t the same as still caring, right?’ she whispered, slipping one finger under the flap and slowly, tentatively beginning to tear at the yellow paper.

                                                                                    

Down in the theatre’s wings, Tom had spent the past five minutes going into far too much detail over a trivial note on suitcase placement and Bobby was starting to get bored. He had made an art form out of the job of the chorus boy and had built a reputation out of being able to cope with a script change or new direction mid-show without batting an eyelid. Tom _knew_ that – so why on earth was he still lecturing him like this was his first time on Broadway? He let out a small groan of protest as Tom asked him yet again if he understood what was needed, folding his arms and fixing his director with a piercing stare, one eyebrow arched in irritation.

‘Yeah, I think I can probably cope with that,’ he remarked in an arch, bored tone. Off Tom’s blank stare he rolled his eyes. ‘Seriously, I get it already, ok? If you want me to make sure the suitcases are left in the right spot then I’ll put them there, God. You know there are some directors who have actually _asked for me_ before now, right? Being a chorus boy is kind of my career, I’m not planning on screwing it up any time soon. Trust me: your ensemble is the least of your worries.’ Tom eyes went suddenly wide, his expression growing pinched, and Bobby almost felt sorry for him, a tiny part of him wondering if he should let him keep rambling for a little longer, just in case it would help relieve some of the stress. But then Tom blinked dazedly, nodding his head with frantic enthusiasm and raking his fingers through his hair.

‘Right…right, of course. Of course. It’s your job. It’s fine. It’s going to be fine.’

 

Bobby regarded him sceptically for a moment and Tom let out a strangled laugh. ‘Stop looking at me like that. I’m the director, I’m the grown-up here. It’s fine, don’t worry about it. It’s all going to be…absolutely fine. Better than fine, in fact.’

‘You know saying it a thousand times doesn’t make it any more believable, right?’ Bobby pointed out dryly.

‘Everything’s fine. I promise, it’s fine. Like you said earlier: it’s just a dress rehearsal. It’s fine.’ Bobby wasn’t sure which one of them Tom was trying to convince by this point and so he allowed a pause in the conversation, watching Tom cautiously as he seemed to temporarily seize up. ‘It’s fine,’ Tom said one final time, nodding once. ‘Good. Ok. Next problem.’ And with that, he turned on his heel, heading over to where Eileen and Julia were standing at the front of the auditorium, both of them watching him with almost pitying looks on their faces. Bobby could only roll his eyes; if he was like this for the invited dress, then he really didn’t want to have to deal with him on opening night.

 

‘How’s he holding up?’ The voice came from behind him, soft and caring, and Bobby’s lips curled into a smirk as he glanced over his shoulder to see Ivy sidling up to him, her eyes on Tom, her head tilted to one side, sympathy all over her face.

‘How d’ you think?’ he retorted, folding his arms as his own gaze travelled back to Tom, who was pacing up and down the aisle of the auditorium, rambling to Eileen about some new crisis, his hands raking through his hair yet again. ‘Yeah, he’s kinda freaking out a little bit,’ Bobby observed wryly, glancing at Ivy out of the corner of his eye. ‘You two still not BFFs again yet?’ Ivy shot him an unimpressed glance and Bobby shrugged, unapologetic. ‘What? It’s just a question. Coz, you know…if Jess was losing her marbles? I’d probably be over there talking her down. It’s kind of your job when you’re friends with someone: you have to handle their crazy.’

‘You think anyone can talk him down from this?’ Ivy shot back quickly, eyes twinkling as she met Bobby’s gaze, and both of them managed to suppress their snorts for little more than a second before giving in and laughing, Ivy smacking Bobby on the arm and Bobby elbowing her straight back as the two lent into each other conspiratorially.

‘Hey, no-one’s judging. Everyone’s allowed their share of crazy, right?’ Bobby said, his lips twisting into a devilish grin. ‘Did he give you the Suitcase Placement Lecture too or am I special?’ Ivy rolled her eyes.

‘Please, we all know how special you are, Chorus Boy,’ she told him, eyes playful as she flicked a sidelong glance at Bobby, leaning her head against his shoulder when he pouted. ‘Besides, why would he give me a Suitcase Placement Lecture when he’s already asked me ten times this morning if I got his notes on the lead-in to Mambo from yesterday?’

‘Wow…I can’t believe he managed to find more notes to give on the lead-in to Mambo.’

‘That’s the thing though – they’re not new notes! It’s just the same things over and over. He’s just second-guessing himself and it’s stupid. He was actually a really great director up until yesterday…then he just…lost it…’ Ivy sighed heavily, her expression sad and distant.

‘Yeah. And then he developed crazy eyes,’ Bobby muttered, widening his own eyes for effect and getting an elbow in the ribs from Ivy in return. She was smiling again, but her eyes were still clouded and Bobby’s own expression softened when he looked at her, nudging his shoulder gently against hers to get her attention. ‘Hey, Centre Stage – how’re _you_ holding up?’ Ivy’s smile widened at the genuine tenderness in Bobby’s voice.

 

It was a relief to not really have to explain; one look at Bobby and she knew he knew. As much as she loved Sam and Tom, neither one of them could give her that right now: Tom was too caught up in his own drama, and Sam was too fond of tough love to really allow her to indulge in moments of weakness, far more comfortable with telling her off for her doubts than just letting her lean on him for a moment in peace. Yet that was exactly what Bobby did. She offered him no response, no explanation, but he smiled at her anyway, resting his head on top of hers. ‘Hey, it’s the invited dress, come on – your friends and family won’t even be looking at you…they’ll all be watching me. Just like everyone else in the audience,’ Bobby told her, his voice somehow managing to sound gentle and dry all at once. Ivy couldn’t help but laugh, lifting her head to look up into his eyes.

‘But what about the _suitcases_ , Bobby?’ she asked, her eyes playfully wide, her tone edged with light mockery. Bobby snorted.

‘If the New York Times review comes in opening night and my suitcase placement isn’t praised, then I will be crying in the bathroom and you will be expected to console me. Not even joking…my whole life has been leading up to this, Ivy, I cannot mess it up.’ Ivy laughed at him and rested her head back on his shoulder with a sigh.

‘You’re an idiot, you know that?’

‘God, why does everyone keep telling me that?!’ Bobby huffed, but he was grinning and Ivy knew it. ‘You people are all so jealous of me.’

 

For a moment the two watched in silence as Linda appeared and dragged Tom somewhere in the direction of the foyer, Ivy wondering idly to herself if Linda had any tranquilizers handy. ‘You’ve gotta forgive him sometime, Ivy,’ Bobby murmured after a moment, so quietly Ivy almost thought the voice was in her own head.

‘I have forgiven him…I just can’t be friends with him right now. Not when he’s like this.’ Ivy bit her lip. ‘He’s still…the director that hired my mother. For my own sanity, that’s how I have to see him right now.’ Bobby glanced down at her then, his eyes dark and glinting, a thoughtful furrow in his brow.

‘Ivy…look, I’m not criticising, ok? I’m just being honest here and if you tell me to shut up I’ll shut up…but this thing with your mother? You cannot let it eat you alive. Get over it however you have to – I mean, you can have your moments or whatever but…life goes on, you know? And more importantly? The show goes on. You _have to_ realise that.’ Ivy avoided Bobby’s searching gaze. ‘She drove all that way to come see you in Boston, you know.’

‘Yeah, to see me as _Marilyn_. Did you see her at the stage door after the show? Was she the one in my dressing room telling me it was going to be ok when I didn’t get the part?’

‘Er, do you remember how willing to kill for that part you were? You found out Jess and me were having drinks with Karen and you practically had us excommunicated for a week. Look, Ivy, I’m not saying she’s always done things the right way. She was selfish as hell for the fact she couldn’t stand to stick around and see you go on in the chorus – I’m not saying that it’s fair or right that she just closed her eyes and pretended it wasn’t happening every time bad things happened to you. I’m just saying…I don’t think she could handle it. She wanted the best for you and it hurt her to see you go through that stuff so she just sort of…pretended it wasn’t happening. And all the little digs and comments? They were just more attempts to convince you this path wasn’t for you…well, that and maybe she was kind of jealous that her career was more or less over and yours was just beginning.’

‘Bobby-’

‘Broadway stars don’t just come out of retirement every week, Ivy – and definitely not for troubled projects with first-time directors. Open your eyes, Centre Stage. You got Marilyn and now she’s doing everything she can to make sure you don’t have it taken away from you again. Besides, that drive to Boston? Basically more than my parents have ever done, ok? And my parents love me – I mean, of course they do, I’m amazing – but they just…don’t get me. Or Broadway. But your mother? She gets it all, Ivy. She’s just really bad at knowing what to do with that information.’

‘She’s belittled me for years, Bobby. I’ve told you some of the things she used to say after my dance recitals – how am I supposed to just get over that? At least your parents told you they loved you, the best I ever got was a ‘that’s nice, Sweetheart’ to keep me from going completely insane.’

‘Had it ever occurred to you that she was scared to death? Broadway is big. And nasty, sometimes. My parents had no idea what they were sending me into – they just reminded me to look both ways before crossing the street and that was it.’ Bobby shrugged. ‘But she knew. And she hated the idea of her daughter being eaten alive by that. Doesn’t mean she didn’t think you were talented – plenty of talented people fail, Ivy. She was just trying to stop it being an issue by trying to put you off the idea entirely. It’s a crappy strategy but…it’s not as heartless as it looks.’

 

Ivy risked a look at Bobby, letting out a tiny, plaintive sigh and shaking her head before turning her eyes down to her shoes.

‘You don’t understand.’

‘Oh my God, you did not just say that to me,’ Bobby said, elbowing her sharply and forcing her eyes back up to him. His expression was somewhere between hurt and amused and Ivy gave him an apologetic smile. ‘Come on – you know I get where you’re coming from, Ivy. And for the record? I can hold a grudge with the best of them. Seriously.’ He looked down, his smile turning a little distant. ‘But everyone’s got their own issues, Iv. Even people who say shitty things that break other people in two have their issues.’ He swallowed. ‘I just think…she’s here, you know? That’s more than I got out of the guy who broke me.’ Ivy leant up to press a fond kiss to Bobby’s cheek at that, her smile sad and affectionate simultaneously.

‘When did you get so wise?’ she asked and Bobby snorted, arching an eyebrow.

‘Guess you’ll just have to wait for my autobiography.’

 

 

***

 

_‘See, Bambi, that’s the part I don’t get: people talk about other people like they can put them in boxes. A or B, black or white. The way I see it, everything is like this giant grey area. You learn people out of their stories, their conversations. And if you don’t give them the time to have those conversations, and you don’t listen to their stories carefully enough…you could end up missing out.’ Bobby smiled slyly, looking at Dennis out of the corner of his eye. ‘I’m not saying what Ivy did to Iowa was right. But I’ve listened to her reasons and made a call. I don’t think Iowa glaring at her all day is right either, but hey, I’ve listened when she’s told me why. I’ve never pretended to anyone that I like everything they do – I don’t even like everything I do. But things happen. You have to work out which stories you want to pursue, Bambi. I mean…that’s why it took you so long to kiss me, right? I didn’t fit into any of your boxes…but you still wanted to listen to my stories.’_

***

 

Dennis was perched on one of the large black trunks which occupied the backstage area, his knee pulled up to his chest, chin resting on it as he watched some of the day’s understudies run through  a section of the opening number with the dance captain. His eyes had glazed over a long time ago and all he really saw was a blur of moving shapes in pastel colours, his head somewhere else, his mind on other things. It was Rachel who found him there, the sound of her footsteps jolting him, her pretty grin forcing him into a half-hearted smile.

 

Pint-size and all vibration, Rachel was one of the youngest members of the cast. She was pretty, in an untameable kind of a way. She was bubbly, with wide and wild green eyes and an impressive collection of brightly coloured shoes, and Dennis adored her.

‘Hey, Dennis, what are you doing here?’ She was in a short denim skirt and red suede boots, her hair in loose waves of amber and blonde which flowed all the way down her back, bobbing behind her as she made her way over to him with a jingle of bracelets, her eyes glittering in the dim backstage light. ‘Isn’t it Bombshell’s invited dress today? I felt for sure you’d call in sick and go sneak off to see your friends,’ she smiled, executing a perfect dancer’s spin in order to hop up to sit next to Dennis on the trunk, bumping her shoulder against his as she landed. There was always rhythm in everything she did and a natural elegance to her movement which he suspected came from a childhood spent mostly in ballet lessons. ‘Were you worried they might have made it better without you?’ she added playfully, tilting her head to try and meet Dennis’ eyes, and he couldn’t help but laugh softly at her enthusiasm. The glare he shot her was half-hearted at best, the smile on his lips widening.

‘Actually, I was…basically _un_ invited a few days back. By an angry chorus girl who owns even more sparkly scarves than you do,’ he sighed, shrugging in the hope it would hide the edge of hurt from his voice. ‘I decided against going after that.’ Rachel’s green eyes twinkled, but the playfulness was replaced by genuine sympathy and she leaned into him slightly.

‘It sounds like there’s a story there, Babe,’ she whispered gently and Dennis gave her a rueful look, shaking his head slightly and leaning back on his hands with a sigh.

‘She’s the best friend-slash-bodyguard of a…a kind-of ex-boyfriend of mine.’

‘A _kind-of_ ex-boyfriend?’ Rachel quirked an eyebrow, her tone mischievous and sceptical all at once. ‘Spill.’ Dennis laughed.

‘It’s nothing.’

‘Oh, ok. So, you’re sitting back here alone, daydreaming, but clearly it’s nothing so I’ll just drop it,’ Rachel snorted, smacking him on the arm. For a moment Dennis was struck by the fact that Rachel was somehow the best of Jessica and the best of Bobby all bundled into one person. ‘How does someone even have a _kind-of_ ex-boyfriend? Is that some sort of code for ‘it’s complicated’ or what?’

‘I shouldn’t have said anything,’ Dennis mumbled, avoiding Rachel’s eyes. ‘He’s just…he’s been one of my friends for…I don’t even know how long. I dated him when we were in Bombshell together. We broke up, it was my fault, he didn’t stop being a good friend to me…until I upset him and then…well, I haven’t heard from him since. Just our other friend Jessica. Who I’m pretty sure didn’t tell him she was banning me, so technically he hasn’t specifically asked me to stay away, but still.’ Dennis shrugged. ‘It’s nothing, though. I needed to be here anyway.’

 

For a moment the two of them sat in silence, Dennis playing with a loose thread on his shirt and Rachel kicking her legs idly against the trunk and watching her shoes, which Dennis suspected to be brand new.

 

‘Rach, can I ask you something?’

‘Sure.’

‘Is someone’s past always off-limits? I mean…are you supposed to just trust someone, purely because they want you to? Is that the only way of caring about someone? No safety net just…blind trust?’

‘Not necessarily. But I mean…I don’t know, it depends what your reasons are for not trusting that person, I guess.’

‘What if someone’s your friend, and you would still like it if maybe they were more than just your friend…but then someone tells you something about them that…that isn’t good, that makes you doubt them…is it really so bad to confront them? To…I don’t know, just…just to ask what they did that made someone say those things about them?’ Dennis looked up at Rachel then, eyes wide and hopeful, and Rachel sighed, biting her lip. Her brow was furrowed as she considered what he’d said.

‘That depends…how long have you known this person?’

‘We’ve been friends for years…I can’t even remember exactly when it was I first met him – I just remember how much he made me laugh that night. He’s just…always been around.’

‘And what about the person who told you the stuff about him, how long have you known them?’ Dennis winced slightly at that question, looking down and shifting uncomfortably.

‘A few weeks.’ Rachel stared at him, eyes flashing with light reprimand, and Dennis laughed slightly despite himself. ‘What?’

‘You know what. Come on, Babe. Trust is earned – the guy who’s been in your life so long you can’t remember when he arrived? _He’s_ the one you believe.’ Rachel studied Dennis’ face and her expression softened a little. ‘So, you confronted him then?’

‘I hurt him,’ Dennis said quietly. Rachel gave him a sympathetic smile. ‘He’s just…he’s just this fearless personality, you know? A force of nature. He’s unstoppable. And that terrifies me. I always play it safe. I mean…I quit Bombshell. I could’ve stuck it out, I could’ve risked it…he did. But no. I came here instead. I picked the established, successful show because…I knew I’d be ok here. No drama.’ Dennis shrugged and Rachel smiled at him sympathetically.

 

The two of them both fell quiet for a moment, Rachel still watching Dennis thoughtfully and Dennis still avoiding her gaze.

‘Do you want to know what the single, straight, Broadway debutante thinks of your kind-of-ex-boyfriend drama?’ Rachel asked softly after a while, and Dennis laughed sadly.

‘Go for it.’

‘I think you love him.’ Dennis raised an eyebrow but Rachel’s smile didn’t waver. ‘That’s the bit that scares you. Not his past, not his attitude, not his chorus girl best friend.’ She shrugged casually, leaning back a little like her point was as good as proved. ‘You love him.’

‘I didn’t trust him,’ Dennis reminded her and Rachel rolled her eyes. ‘I still kinda wanted to kiss him but…I didn’t trust him. The first bad thing I heard and I turned on him.’ Dennis shook his head slightly as he thought about it. ‘You know the guy who told me the stuff that made me doubt him? His ex. And not just any ex: his worst ex, the one who screwed him up the most. Ever. _The_ nightmare ex. And _I knew_ that. But I still couldn’t just…drop it.’ Rachel stared at him, cuffing him lightly around the back of his head before folding her arms.

‘Ok. So, that is possibly the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard but…Dennis, come on, be honest with me: did you believe whatever he told you when you confronted him? Actually, scratch that; were you ready to believe him before you even ran into him? Was there any doubt in your mind that he was that guy that you kinda wanted to kiss and that nothing anyone said made you want to kiss him any less?’

 

Dennis bit his lip and Rachel dipped her head and fixed him with a knowing look. ‘You let the conversation get ahead of you, and you let him get away…but really, you knew going into it, didn’t you? You’d have believed him if he’d told you he was actually James Bond or if he’d said he was a long lost member of the Kennedy family. You’d have believed him no matter what.’ Dennis swallowed. He could hear his own heartbeat in his ears and he looked up at Rachel slowly, shyly, his brown eyes sad.

‘But that’s what scared me, Rach. The police could’ve been there telling me he’d been found over a body, with a knife, and…I still would’ve believed him no matter what terrible alibi he was selling. I still probably would’ve wanted to kiss him too. And…and if he really had done something, screwed up, make a mistake, done something awful, whatever…I would still believe he had his reasons. And that…that’s what scares me the most. I believe in him more than anyone else…even though I know he’s capable of anything at any moment, even though he’s unpredictable and unashamed. I still believe his heart’s in the right place. And believing in him that much? That’s not playing it safe. But I just can’t help myself.’

 

 

***

 

_‘I don’t care if he’s the director. I don’t care if he’s the composer. I don’t care if he’s the newly elected Pope come to bless us before Act Two. Tom Levitt is not coming backstage because everybody is already freaking out and I do not need any more people coming to me to ask me how I stay so calm.’ Bobby rolled his eyes. ‘It’s times like this I wish I’d kept the lobsters. A couple of those guys would chase him out of here…I mean, you should’ve seen those guys go when they saw Derek. Wow.’_

***

 

Kyle stood on tiptoe, looking over the tops of people’s heads to try and spot where Tom had disappeared to after Julia kicked him out of the auditorium when his fidgeting had officially become unbearable as the intermission dragged on. He wasn’t hard to spot; Kyle could feel the high level of energy coming off him from the other side of the foyer and he couldn’t help but smile slightly. It made a change, for him, being the calm one, being the one who was confident in his work, watching someone else doubt and question themselves. There was something comforting about knowing that even someone as talented as Tom could go crazy from second-guessing themselves; maybe he wasn’t so weak and naive after all, maybe he actually belonged with these people. Maybe Jimmy was wrong about him – Kyle pushed the thought away as quickly as it entered his head, and he turned eyes quickly down to his shoes, feeling a little ashamed.

 

Taking a deep breath, Kyle looked back across to where Tom was sitting on the theatre stairs, knee bobbing up and down, hands constantly moving, eyes darting to his watch. The smile was quickly back on Kyle’s face and he let out a small chuckle as he moved towards him. They say you should never meet your idols, but so far the experience was working out pretty well for Kyle; Tom wasn’t just someone who was talented and inspiring, he was someone Kyle understood. He was human and flawed and little bit crazy…and Kyle liked that. It made him feel more at ease in his own skin, made him see Tom as a kindred spirit. Besides, Tom loved Broadway almost as much as he did – for some reason that was the thought that most calmed Kyle’s starry eyes, because really, when it came down to it, they were both just at the mercy of the twinkling lights and the red velvet and gold trim. They were both overwhelmed and enchanted and human.

 

‘Hey.’ Tom jumped, startled, at the sound of someone directly addressing him. Most people felt the tension rolling off him and backed away quickly, but when he looked up, he found Kyle Bishop smiling at him brightly, his blue eyes slightly less awe-filled and more amused than usual. For a moment Tom couldn’t form words, for some reason his brain was busy trying to think which piece of music it was Kyle’s eyes reminded him of. He knew it was a piano piece…his mouth moved for a moment before he blinked and shook his head.

‘Hi,’ he managed after a moment and Kyle let out a small, tentative laugh. ‘Am I allowed back into my intermission yet?’ Tom asked, shooting for playful but suspecting his sounded more desperate and strangled.

 

Kyle didn’t seem to mind, though, if he noticed at all, and his smile widened as he let out another laugh.

‘You’ve got nothing to be worried about you know, the show looks-’

‘Unprepared,’ Tom cut Kyle off but Kyle simply laughed again.

‘I was going to say amazing but it sounds like you wouldn’t have believed me anyway.’ Kyle shrugged, a little awkwardly, and for a moment Tom felt his body relax, a small smile creasing his lips.

‘The show’s a mess,’ he sighed quietly. ‘And everyone thinks I’m insane,’ he added, rubbing his hands over his face with a groan. He heard another of Kyle’s soft, shy laughs and he risked a glance up at him through his fingers. ‘You know, one of our chorus boys – Bobby, of course, because who else would do it – he actually banned me from going backstage. I tried to go back there just now, but he actually marched me right out again. Told me to do them all a favour and lock myself in a closet ‘until sometime after the Tonys’ – now if I was Derek, I would’ve told him he was fired. But I, on the other hand, just let him shut the door in my face.’ Tom flicked another glance up at Kyle, smiling despite himself as he saw how hard he was trying to hold in his laughter. ‘Pathetic, right?’

‘Actually, I’ve met Bobby…and I think even Derek would have a hard time firing him, honestly.’ Tom shook his head slightly, half-despairing, half-amused.

‘Of course you’ve met Bobby. Bobby knows everyone in this town,’ he remarked, before straightening up slightly and letting out a short, sharp breath. ‘Do me a favour, if you see him again, tell him I’m planning on firing him as soon as I figure out a way to get backstage.’ Kyle suppressed a laugh, quirking an eyebrow at Tom.

‘Bobby is amazing at his job, no way would you fire him when you’re just about to go into previews,’ he said and Tom was surprised by both Kyle’s sudden boldness and his conviction. ‘I saw the show in Boston, remember? I always pay attention to the chorus,’ Kyle reminded him and Tom nodded, though his brow was still knitted slightly in thought. Because there had to be more to it than that; Bobby’s very name had instilled a confidence in Kyle and that didn’t happen from two people meeting in passing at a stage door.

‘Well, Bobby’s not so amazing he could stop Ivy’s mic from cutting out, can I fire him for that?’ Tom sighed.

‘I’m not an expert or anything, but…I don’t think that’s actually his job,’ Kyle laughed and Tom smiled back at him slightly, glancing down at his watch again, a muscle in his cheek twitching involuntarily as he realised how long it had been since the intermission began.

‘No, thank God. Can you imagine giving Bobby free reign on a sound desk?’ Tom shuddered slightly after a beat before blowing out a long breath. ‘This intermission has been going on for half an hour – what is taking them so long that they don’t want to tell me about?’ Tom let out a low groan and dropped his head into his hands once more, closing his eyes tightly and trying to remember a time when he didn’t feel this stressed – but all his memories seemed to have been replaced with information about lighting cues and moving scenery. ‘Maybe Bobby’s leading some sort of strike action back there.’

 

When he finally lifted his head again, Tom was surprised to see Kyle was still standing there, his blue eyes kind, even if he was standing a little awkwardly, hands in pockets and shoulders tight. ‘When did we get to the point where I was the one needing your pity, exactly? I seem to remember you needing me to get you and Jimmy a song in a show not so long ago.’ Kyle smiled quietly, looking down at his feet in an attempt to hide his blush. He kicked his shoe against the carpet and shrugged.

‘You’re opening on Broadway soon, I think you’re allowed to be a mess,’ he said softly, looking back at Tom out of the corner of his eye. ‘Besides, I…I kinda feel like I know what I’m doing now. Soon as I stopped trying so hard to please everyone else and really…looked at the problems the book had…I guess it just kinda clicked for me.’ A smile touched Tom’s lips at that and he nodded thoughtfully.

‘Good…I’m happy for you. I’m glad someone in this town knows what they’re doing.’

‘You do realise it’s not been in front of actual people yet, right? It could still be a disaster…just, one I’m proud of, that’s all.’

‘No.’ Kyle looked up from his feet in surprise to see Tom’s eyes firmly fixed on him. ‘Derek wouldn’t leave Broadway for a disaster. And anyway…you’ve got it, Kyle.’

‘You’ve not read anything I’ve written,’ Kyle pointed out with a nervous laugh, but Tom simply flashed him a lopsided smile, shrugging offhandedly.

‘Don’t need to. You’re a people-watcher, like Julia. You know the theatre better than I do…and by the sound of it, Bobby’s given you the time of day, which, actually, tells me more than enough.’ At Kyle’s confusion, Tom chuckled lightly, eyes shining briefly. ‘You see the world in stories – something Bobby loves. You see the stories behind the people you meet and the world around you. That’s how I know you’re a writer – I’ve got a writer for a best friend, I know these things, I promise.’ He quirked an eyebrow at Kyle, whose face split immediately into a shy grin. ‘You’ll do ok. You’ll probably have a better career than I do when this is over, actually’ Tom sighed, gesturing around him and pulling a face.

 

Kyle’s expression turned thoughtful then and he watched Tom carefully, biting his lip.

‘So…if I were to tell you something – about this show, I mean – you’d listen?’

‘Sure.’

‘Ok…so, I know you think it’s a mess and everything, but…from what I’ve seen? It’s exactly what people come to Broadway for. It’s all of the joy and pain of theatre and it’s the best of Houston and Levitt…and, I should know, because I’ve actually been to all your shows.’ Kyle pulled a face then. ‘Or at least watched the bootlegs.’

‘I could report you for that,’ Tom smiled good-naturedly and Kyle laughed.

‘Who to? The theatre police?’

‘Maybe I’ll come watch your show sometime and film it, see how you feel.’

‘You’re laughing, but I would probably die. The fan in me would not be able to process that at all,’ Kyle grinned. ‘But…my point is? You did a good job with this. Your cast are amazing – they’ll be ready. The critics will say what they want but…it won’t be because the show is flawed, it’ll be because they hate that it’s not flawed enough and they’ve bitched about it all this time for nothing.’ The corner of Tom’s lip twitched up reluctantly and he shook his head, glancing down at his clasped hands.

‘You’ve seen Boston and one act in dress,’ he pointed out. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Kyle blush slightly and he felt bad then, because it occurred to him, somewhere in the back of his mind, that it had probably taken all the courage Kyle possessed to speak to him the way he had. Maybe he was still that star-struck kid after all, or maybe he was just shy, but either way, Tom knew he was just trying to help. He wrung his hands together and was about to open his mouth and apologise when Kyle interrupted his thoughts.

‘Ok then…so…how bad is Act Two, exactly?’ For a moment Tom blinked up at him, mouth slightly open in surprise. And then he saw the tiniest of nervous smiles just touching the edges of Kyle’s lips and the mischief dancing in those blue eyes. Tom felt a laugh bubble up out of him and he was surprised at how genuine it was, at how there wasn’t even an edge of stress to it. He nodded his head in acknowledgement, trying to stop the grin that was spreading far too rapidly across his face but ultimately failing.

‘You know what, Kyle Bishop? It’s pretty terrible, I’d get out now if I were you,’ he managed to chuckle at last and Kyle’s own smile widened.

‘I don’t believe you, you know.’

‘I know,’ Tom agreed, his voice suddenly very soft. He looked up at Kyle slowly, meeting his eyes and giving him a small smile. ‘Thank you.’

‘Anytime.’

 

 

***

 

 

_‘God, Jess, calm down – Ivy’s fine.’ Bobby waggled his eyebrows mischievously. ‘And hey, this is going to get us some press even if nothing else does, right? OW! Don’t pinch me – you know I shriek when you pinch! God. How would that sound in the middle of a tender moment – like this dress rehearsal hasn’t had enough problems!’ He smirked. ‘I’m not going to lie, though, I actually thought Brian’s swan-dive off the steps in Public Relations was going to be the end to the drama…but did you see my little cover-up for it? Where I slid down the bannister and pretended to crash into him like it was all a big joke? No? Seriously? God, Jess, I swear, you are so ungrateful about being on a stage with my brilliance. I’m not even kidding. I deserve so much more credit for my improvisation skills. I bet you ten bucks your dad noticed - and shut up! No, I am not going to miss my cue. It’s fine. I’m a master of the quick change, don’t even lie.’_

***

 

 

‘Hey, Most Embarrassed Girl In The World; we’re going out for greasy burgers and extra fries. Wanna make sure you’ve got some clothes on then come with?’ Ivy paused halfway through packing away her things, doing her best to maintain an unimpressed look but still smiling despite it. She folded her arms and turned to see Bobby standing in her dressing room doorway, eyebrows raised hopefully, a small smirk on his lips. He was exhausted; Ivy could see it in the dark circles under his eyes and the way his hair fell in tousled, untamed waves, a few strands still sticking to his forehead – it occurred to her that he actually did a lot more work than he made it look like he was doing, and she knew from personal experience that the ensemble were always the ones who carried the weight of the workload when a production got hectic. But all the same, she could see that Bobby’s brown eyes still danced and he still had a smile on his lips that suggested he knew secrets and was willing to share them. Inviting, brilliant and dangerous; Ivy could feel her willpower being tested.

 

‘The night before our first preview, you want me to go out and eat junk food with you? Really, Bobby?’ she sighed, but before Bobby could reply Jessica appeared behind him.

‘It’s my fault, I begged him,’ she put in, bouncing up behind her best friend and flinging her arms around his neck as he caught her without flinching, allowing her to piggyback and barely reacting at the impact.

‘Jess’ dad had to take off, so I promised him I’d look after her,’ Bobby was explaining as he hoisted Jessica a little higher on his back, his smile soft, and Jessica pressed an affectionate kiss to the side of his face, squeezing him tightly.

‘Come on, Ivy. _Join us_. You know you want to,’ Jessica beamed in her best pleading voice.

 

Her blue eyes were sparkly and bright as she turned her gaze from Bobby to Ivy, not a trace of exhaustion there to be found, and Ivy wondered, briefly, if Jessica’s dad had really got it right about who needed to look after who. She didn’t have the same fatigue at her edges that Bobby did – her smile was excited, her hair swept in immaculate waves which framed her face, her scarf and hat mismatched perfectly in a clash of bright colour. ‘Bobby’s buying,’ she was half-singing and Ivy blinked out of her stare, laughing when she noticed Bobby’s subsequent pout of objection.

‘We have the exact same wages, why am I always the one who pays?’ he muttered with feigned annoyance that made Ivy smile and she sighed in defeat, swinging her bags over her shoulder.

‘Fine, I’ll come. But can Sam come too? I kind of promised him I’d try to take his mind off the whole Brian injury crisis thing,’ she said, pulling a face and shaking her head slightly. Jessica smiled sympathetically, but Bobby rolled his eyes.

‘Wow. This night is gonna be fun. Like, really. I can feel the excitement already,’ he remarked dryly, nose wrinkled, and Jessica gave him a light thwack with the end of her scarf.

‘Be. Nice.’

‘How many times do you have to tell him that? I mean like…per year. Ballpark figure,’ Ivy joked and both she and Jessica laughed as Bobby huffed.

‘I hate both of you,’ he said conversationally, turning on his heel and leading the way towards the stairs.

‘We’re crushed, Chorus Boy. Deeply,’ Ivy smirked, shaking her head fondly and following him out, pulling the dressing room door closed behind her.

‘You will be when I make you pay for your own burgers,’ Bobby shot back with a grin.

 

The place they ended up at wasn’t one Ivy knew; tucked away and hard to spot from the street, a tatty sign on the window was the only indication that food was available on the premises. As they ducked through the doorway and out of the rain, Jessica’s head was thrown back in a laugh, her hair fanning out wildly behind her. She was still on Bobby’s back – his own hair hanging in damp tendrils – and Ivy guessed from the absence of any reaction to their grand entrance from the staff that this was one of their more regular haunts. Her suspicions were confirmed when Jessica hopped down from Bobby’s back and flopped straight into a booth as though she were in her own home. Ivy could only laugh at the two of them, slipping down into the seats opposite them. She felt giddy by association; the sound of Bobby and Jessica’s bickering and the way their laughter vibrated in the air made it so easy to forget about Broadway and dress rehearsals from hell. A tiny wisp of nostalgia curled in the pit of her stomach then, thinking about all those times in the ensemble, being able to just enjoy the drama of opening shows, laughing at the back with Bobby and Jessica as stars and directors had mental breakdowns before their eyes. She jumped slightly as she felt Sam elbow her lightly in the side and she turned to see him looking at her in concern whilst Bobby and Jessica bickered on oblivious, squabbling to get control over Bobby’s phone.

‘Hey, you ok, Iv?’ Sam asked softly and Ivy smiled at him, tilting her head to one side thoughtfully as she considered the question.

‘Weirdly…yes,’ she said after a moment before glancing over at Bobby and Jessica, now play-wrestling like six year-olds, Bobby holding the phone just out of Jessica’s reach. Ivy smirked fondly and glanced back at Sam with a shrug. ‘I’m not so sure about them though,’ she joked and Sam laughed softly.

‘Hey, Dumb and Dumber – you think you could let us know what’s good here so we can get some food?’ he interjected and Bobby and Jessica broke apart, pouting lightly.

‘Only if she’s the dumber one,’ Bobby remarked petulantly, sticking his tongue out at Jessica when she let out a squeak of protest. Ivy laughed, shaking her head.

‘You two are ridiculous,’ she pointed out and Bobby rolled his eyes, flicking his damp hair off his face before twisting in his seat to summon the waitress with a flourish.

‘I think you’ll find we’re adorable, actually,’ he countered and Jessica nodded enthusiastically.

 

The staff knew Bobby by name and he ordered without the menu, Jessica occasionally chipping in over his shoulder, her smile sunny.

‘This is our go-to place for crazy days,’ she explained to Ivy with a shrug as Bobby and the waitress continued to talk. ‘Don’t remind me that this is why we’re both single – we’re painfully aware of our co-dependence, actually. But it’s kind of too late for us to change,’ she added with a shrug.

‘Do you guys have like…a cheat sheet of all the traditions and in-jokes somewhere? Because I’ve gotta say, I’ve never met anyone with as many rituals as you guys. It’s kind of frightening, honestly,’ Sam put in with a shake of his head, an amused smile curving his lips.

‘This from the man who still remembers the first conversation we ever had, _almost_ word perfectly,’ Ivy said with a grin and Sam feigned outrage.

‘Oh, like you don’t?’ he challenged. Jessica laughed, wrapping an arm around Bobby to attract his attention and resting her head on his shoulder.

‘First thing Bobby ever said to me? ‘I can’t help it if I’m fabulous’ – he said it because I was late to rehearsal and he tried to steal my part,’ she grinned, glancing up at Bobby, whose expression was deceptively dismissive, though his thin lips had begun to twist into a smirk that betrayed him.

‘Hey, we started how we meant to go on,’ he shrugged, brown eyes glittery with affection. ‘I’m not complaining, though. It worked out pretty well – Jess turned out to be kind of amazing,’ he added more softly, turning his gaze down so that his hair almost fell in his eyes. Jessica looked at him with a soft smile, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek.

‘And you’re _still_ fabulous,’ she said and Bobby’s eyes snapped up immediately, his smirk instantly falling back into place.

‘Whatever, Loser, I’ve moved on with my life since then. Now I’m better than fabulous and you know it.’

 

As the waitress disappeared to place their order, Jessica and Ivy made a beeline for the bathroom, both muttering things about fixing their rain-soaked hair. For a moment Bobby watched them go, his head on one side, his eyes more on Jessica than they were on Ivy. ‘She has a letter from her ex in her bag, you know,’ he remarked, distantly, and Sam frowned in confusion, glancing over at him to try and gauge why Bobby would offer that information unprompted. But when Sam looked at him – really looked at him, that is – he realised that Bobby wasn’t really offering the information up for discussion. His brow was knitted slightly and he was biting persistently at one spot at the very corner of his bottom lip, his thumb running back and forth along the edge of his phone where Sam could just see a dent in the cover. ‘Whatever. I got involved before, I’m not going there again. Ball’s in her court now.’ Sam raised an eyebrow but Bobby still didn’t acknowledge him, looking down at his phone instead, suddenly more interested in his text messages than anything else. Sam couldn’t help but wonder how many hours – days, months, years – Bobby had been holding that particular admission in, but for once he didn’t press. Bobby, he was beginning to realise, was one of the most capable people in New York and there was nothing he wasn’t willing to tackle head-on. Bobby had a grip on his own life that, if Sam was honest, he envied. There was a time he liked to think of himself as the wise head of their little group, certainly superior to the chaos of Bobby’s world, but now he was becoming less and less certain of that. The longer he spent with the swings, and the more he failed to untangle the thoughts and feelings Tom brought up in him, the more he found himself watching Bobby, and it made him a lot less certain as to whether he’d even had it together to begin with, never mind now.

 

Bobby raked a hand through his damp hair, pulling a face of disgust but not making any move to fix the damage. For a minute he and Sam fell into a silence which was almost-uncomfortable, though they were both so lost in their own thoughts they hardly noticed it. The two of them had always had a strange relationship; two marks on opposite ends of the spectrum within their wider group of friends. Each saw the other as focusing on the wrong things in life, not that they ever really called each other out on it, and though they got along well when others were there to start up the conversation, when it was just the two of them they usually ran out of things to say. Sam appreciated Bobby’s stories, Bobby appreciated Sam’s humour, but when it came to out-and-out understanding they usually fell far short of the mark.

 

But then Sam had watched Bobby help pick Ivy up from the floor and set her back on her feet in Boston and suddenly he’d become more than just a cartoon chorus boy to him. What he was starting to realise was that that 2D picture Bobby projected was a front for something a little more complex, and a lot more real. He was like a broken hunk of glass making crazy rainbows in the sun; the edges were sharp and the patterns didn’t always make sense, but the whole world bounced through him and off him and when you looked at it through his eyes, you saw colours and patterns you hadn’t even realised were there. The emphasis was quirky, different, and sometimes a little too crisp and honest for comfort, but it was always interesting. Sam, meanwhile, had always divided things up, had done his best to see the world in opposites, to keep things in neat little boxes of eithers and ors, rights and wrongs, fixed starting points and destinations. There was a way to be and there was a way to look at things and when one thing went wrong, you turned around and you took option B and you got on with your life, because that’s what grown-ups did and he intended to play by the rules that way. But lately he had begun to wonder if everything really could be so neat and tidy. If there were simple rights and wrongs in everything in life, then why couldn’t he just get over him and Tom and Bombshell and Broadway? Why couldn’t he pack it into the ‘wrong’ box and walk away?

 

‘Hey, can I ask you something?’ Sam’s own voice surprised him slightly, the question slipping out without any real permission, and he didn’t look up at Bobby as he spoke, watching the rain outside instead, trying his best to keep his expression neutral. He could feel Bobby’s eyes on him – sharp, beady and knowing – and he could hear him sigh, though whether the sigh was one of boredom or pity, Sam didn’t know him well enough to judge.

‘You can ask. Not sure how motivated I’ll be to answer, but you can always ask. That’s kind of the rule that defines my existence,’ Bobby said after a beat and Sam risked a look over at him. ‘Nothing offend me. And all judgement is fair, even when it’s not welcome,’ Bobby added with a shrug. ‘You know I have no desire to have this conversation with you, right?’ he added with a small, devilish grin, and Sam laughed softly, tipping his head in acknowledgement, because somehow he just knew Bobby had already guessed what was coming next.

 

‘Spit it out already, Sam, I can feel myself aging here.’ Sam shook his head slightly and Bobby raised an eyebrow. ‘You wanted to ask me something?’ he pressed, gesturing for Sam to proceed, and Sam smiled wryly, blowing out a breath.

‘What do you think my chances are…of going on tomorrow, I mean,’ he ventured, deciding to start with the smallest part of the problem first. Bobby let out a crisp laugh, shrugging and dropping his phone down onto the table, smiling with a brief flash of teeth. It was that wildness in him which Sam had so often distrusted in the past, but now he found it oddly comforting – he couldn’t get a straight answer from his own head, and Ivy was too busy with Bombshell to deserve being lumbered with his issues, but with Bobby? It might be raw, it might sting, but it would probably be the most unbiased opinion in all of New York.

‘Well…I don’t know. That’s Tom’s thing and he’s kind of insane right now so anything could happen.’ Bobby paused, tipping his head back and sighing. ‘I can tell you what I _do_ know…’ he sight, dragging out the words, and Sam shot him an unimpressed glance. Bobby smiled back at him unapologetically.

‘Which is what?’ Sam asked after a moment. Bobby’s smile turned more sympathetic then.

‘That you’re the only one of those swings I didn’t have to teach the new staging of History to one thousand times this morning,’ he said softly, meeting Sam’s eyes. Sam couldn’t help but give him a small smile, nodding slightly before glancing down.

‘But?’

‘But…’ Bobby drawled with a wince and Sam flinched slightly. ‘You’re technically the newest in the company.’ He shrugged. ‘You know, when I was a swing? I would’ve probably clawed your eyes out if you got in ahead of me.’

‘Oh, come on!’ Sam laughed softly and Bobby smirked.

‘What? I’m a bitch, what can I say?’ he grinned. ‘Look, Sam, I’m just saying…you know how these things work. We’ve both been in this town long enough to know that. Ability? It isn’t always what wins out. Look at what Ivy’s been through.’

 

Bobby was still watching Sam carefully, but Sam couldn’t bring himself to meet his gaze, and he kept his eyes trained down at his feet, even as he nodded in agreement. ‘It’s not fair but it’s just the way it is. There’s a lot of talent out there – sometimes things other than talent can seem more important. We’re all underrated half the time anyway, even when we do get a show.’

‘I know,’ he conceded quietly. ‘I mean, you’re proof of that,’ he added with a shrug. Across from him, Bobby’s expression shifted suddenly as he frowned, straightening up in his seat.

‘What about me?’ he asked sharply, and Sam finally looked up at him once more, his smile bordering on incredulous.

‘Come on, Bobby. Are you seriously telling me this is what you want out of your life? Chorus Boy and Broadway Gossip? _That’s_ your career? You have the talent to go further than that, you know.’ Bobby’s eyes glinted dangerously at that.

‘Ok, you need to get down off your high horse, Strickland. Seriously. Just because you took a wrong turn doesn’t mean you get to judge me for what I do. I’m happy, you’re not. Accept your own shitty life choices before you judge mine, ok? Not even kidding.’

 

Bobby folded his arms and arched one eyebrow, holding Sam’s gaze until the other man wilted slightly, resting his elbows on the table and holding his head in his hands.

‘Look, I’m sorry, ok? I didn’t mean it to sound like I was judging…I just…I don’t know how you do it. You were in at, what, seven today? To do someone else’s job for them. For no extra pay and no credit. And what do you get at the end of it? You don’t even get your own bow at curtain. You’re chorus. You’re the guy that comes out that stage door at eleven every night and everyone’s looking over your shoulder for the person they actually recognise. How does that not bother you?’

‘God, you sound like my parents. Is there no-one in the world who gets it? I’m not _a_ chorus boy, Sam. I’m _the_ chorus boy. _The_ chorus boy that you call when your swings can’t take notes on anything and you don’t have time to deal with it, _the_ chorus boy you bring in when your show is falling apart around you and you need the ensemble to at least be functioning efficiently.’ Bobby’s lip curled slightly. ‘I’m not _a_ gossip, either, for the record. I’m _the_ guy you go to when you need information that your producer doesn’t dare tell you. I’m _the_ guy you call at three in the morning when your shitty boyfriend dumps you and you need him barred from all your favourite post-show cocktail places.’ Bobby sighed then, tilting his head back, sympathy returning and the anger dissipating almost immediately. ‘And, apparently, I’m _the_ guy you talk to when you’re pissed off that you’re stuck in the swing section because your boyfriend got you to quit your tour and join his show.’

 

Bobby regarded Sam for a moment, noting the way he was now staring out of the window as if weighing up the pros and cons of doing a leap right off the table and bursting out of there. He rested his chin on his hand and did his best to keep his tone soft. ‘So are you thinking about quitting?’ he asked after a beat. He was blunt but still somehow gentle and Sam started slightly, looking over at Bobby with a slight frown, blinking in surprise.

‘Excuse me?’

‘I asked if you’re gonna quit,’ Bobby repeated, his tone suggesting he thought Sam was an idiot, though his smile was still pleasant enough. ‘You sit around all day complaining about being a swing again, but you never do anything about it. And yet you’re the one who decided to stick around. We both know you could’ve got out when the part fell through – you could’ve got away from Tom, too, actually, coz your other thing these days? Glaring at him like he’s making a coat out of Dalmatians.’ The corners of Bobby’s lips turned up mischievously and he waggled his eyebrows at Sam, who laughed slightly, shaking his head and looking down, his expression pensive. ‘So…why’d you stay? Why are you still here? No-one in this town is convinced about Bombshell, some people think it’s insane to stay even when you have an actual part – but you don’t even see the stage half the time, yet you’re still here. I’ve heard of, like, three casting calls in the last few weeks that you’d be perfect for. Even _my_ agent’s been calling me, and you know he hates talking to me. He also knows I wouldn’t leave a show with Jess for all the money in New York,’ Bobby pressed, before wrinkling his nose slightly. ‘Ok, seriously, I don’t know why I said that. I’d leave for a new sweater and we both know it.’ Sam let out a chuckle despite himself, looking back up at Bobby incredulously. The other man simply smiled back at him. ‘Come on, you could get out if you wanted. But you don’t. You just sit around and complain about it. You get pissed off because your career isn’t going the way you want it to, but you get mad at all the wrong people. Tom screwed up, yeah. But so did you. And I’m not just talking about your career now. We both know you still love him – why else would you spend so much time hating him?’ Bobby rolled his eyes.

‘That’s not-’

‘Oh, don’t even. Seriously. You know, for the sanest member of this cast? You can be pretty dumb sometimes,’ Bobby sighed theatrically, picking an invisible bit of fluff from his sleeve and flicking it away with a flourish before fixing his eyes back on Sam, his head on one side and his smile sympathetic. ‘We’ve all been there. The guy that screwed us up so bad we couldn’t work out whether they were the love of our lives or the biggest idiot we’ve ever met? And, I’m not saying you’re gonna totally get over it any time soon. Maybe not ever. But, you do need to snap out of it already, before we all get bored of your endless moping.’ He shrugged. ‘There is a seriously grey area in all this, Sam. Whose fault was this, who should’ve done that. It’s not as simple as ‘Tom is the devil who doomed you to an eternity in the swing section’. And you’re not Saint Sam either. So get over it already and make a decision.’ Sam stared at Bobby a moment, wanting to be angry with him but finding himself more annoyed with how close to the bone the words were than with the man who was speaking them. ‘Where do you want to be, Sam? Close to the guy, hoping he’ll magically redeem himself and you two can live happily ever after? Or at an audition, taking Broadway by storm? Stop acting like this mess isn’t just as much your making as Tom’s and do something about it already. Either that or tell him how you feel – just please, rip the band aid off before you go insane.’

 

It was that moment which Ivy and Jessica chose to return to their table; Sam and Bobby locked in a stare-off which Sam knew he wouldn’t win. Jessica was the first to pick up on the air of tension, knowing Bobby well enough to recognise the glint of challenge in his eyes from halfway across the room. She glanced between the two of them as she came up to the table, folding her arms and arching an eyebrow.

‘Please tell me you two aren’t getting into it over who ate the last of the brownies again,’ she sighed, and Ivy groaned at her side, shaking her head and letting out a fond chuckle.

‘Please no,’ she pleaded, sliding back in next to Sam, finally forcing him to break free from Bobby’s stare, much to Bobby’s satisfaction.

 

The spell was broken, and Bobby leant back in his seat, flicking his hair and sighing in a great show of exasperation.

‘Oh my God, it’s like you people don’t even get it.’ For a moment Sam thought he was going to tell Ivy and Jessica everything, and he looked over at him wide-eyed. Bobby smirked at him slightly, rolling his eyes before sitting up a little and affecting the most irritated glare he could muster. ‘I just think that if you bake them, you should get first dibs on the last one.’

‘Why do you care so much?’ Ivy asked, shaking her head at him.

‘ _Because_ ,’ Bobby muttered, as though that was a good enough argument, and Ivy laughed at him, her head still shaking and her eyes dancing with amusement.

‘Sam didn’t even eat them,’ she told him with conviction. ‘If he says he didn’t, I believe him,’ she added, resting her head on Sam’s shoulder in a show of support.

‘Pretty sure I saw Sue sneaking the last one out actually,’ Jessica agreed, though she was looking at Bobby as though she knew he had played her.

‘Urgh, I’m not even going to try and talk to you anymore. You’re insane. I know it was Sam and you’re never going to hear the last of it.’

‘You want more then bake ‘em, Chorus Boy,’ Jessica grinned mischievously. Sam frowned at that, looking over at Bobby in surprise.

‘Wait…you were seriously the one who baked those?!’ Ivy laughed at him.

‘Please, it’s the worst kept secret on Broadway,’ she pointed out, sticking her tongue out at Bobby who was still sulking to himself, Jessica prodding him playfully in his side to try and coax out the smile she knew he was suppressing.

‘Well no-one told me,’ Sam protested.

‘Yeah, well, that’ll teach you not to look when I forward you my headshots – it’s written on the back under ‘special skills’. And I’m not even joking,’ Bobby retorted, a wicked smirk creasing his face as he and Jessica exchanged a knowing glance before they both let out soft laughs.

‘He’s actually not. It’s a little bit tragic, really,’ Jessica put in with a smile.

‘And now you’re going to have to find a new best friend. And someone else to bake for you too,’ Bobby muttered dryly, though he flashed a wink in Jessica’s direction before looking back at Sam. ‘I’ll make you some brownies for tomorrow, though,’ he said, shrugging. ‘Just in case.’ Sam couldn’t help but respond with a small smile, momentarily taken aback by Bobby’s soft side.

‘Thanks. That’d be nice.’

‘Any time.’ And, strangely, Sam was sure that Bobby truly meant that.

 

‘So, what were you and Sam really talking about earlier?’ Jessica didn’t press the issue until she and Bobby were by themselves once more, walking back towards his place for a pre-previews movie night. She regarded him out of the corner of her eye, trying to judge if it had really been an argument or something more complicated. One thing she knew for sure; Bobby had won whatever power-struggle had being going on in the staring contest afterwards. Now, in the half-light of the cool, damp evening, Bobby’s eyes shone, flecks of gold twinkling in the shadows which criss-crossed over his face as they walked. ‘Was it something to do with Tom?’ she speculated, studying his expression for clues as she looped her arm through his. The corners of his lips curled up in amusement at her wheedling tone.

‘How come you can’t bear it when I have secrets, but when I ask you what you’re going to do about Jake, you look at me like I told you to go pour the cookie dough ice cream down the drain?’ he sighed. Jessica could hear a lightness to his tone that told her he wasn’t really that annoyed, and she knew from experience that Bobby wouldn’t push her unless he felt she was in imminent danger of an emotional breakdown. But still, she couldn’t help glancing down with a twinge of guilt, triggered mostly by his endless capacity for sympathy, even when she was pretty sure she was being an idiot.

 

Bobby nudged her softly with his shoulder, still smiling at her kindly, his usual edge all gone as he let his guard down in the privacy of the New York shadows. ‘Come on, why does Sam ever even talk to me? Think about it. He wanted information. Wanted to know who I thought would go on tomorrow.’ Jessica looked back up at him then, arching an eyebrow.

‘And _that_ got you two locked in a stare-off? Chorus Boy, I know you better than that. Your mouth is way too big for you to have just done the sensible thing and answered the question and moved on,’ she said and Bobby spluttered out a laugh.

‘Wow. If I ever end up in court? Remind me not to have you as my character witness.’

‘What do you mean ‘if’?’ Jessica challenged mischievously and Bobby stuck his tongue out at her. ‘Please will you just tell me?’

‘Fine. I might’ve asked him if he was going to quit.’

‘Bobby!’

‘May also have followed it up by telling him to grow up – though, not necessarily in those words,’ Bobby added, unable to stop the grin on his lips despite himself.

 

Jessica shook her head at him, her expression somewhere between fondness and despair.

‘You’re unbelievable.’

‘I was curious,’ Bobby shrugged.

‘And you wonder why people are scared of you,’ Jessica sighed, giving his arm a squeeze and standing on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek. ‘So is he? Going to quit?’

‘I don’t know, he didn’t say.’ Jessica frowned and touched a hand to Bobby’s forehead.

‘ _You_ didn’t get an answer out of someone?!’ Bobby laughed and swotted her away.

‘Hey, I don’t get answers out of you sometimes. There are some conversations you just need to let get away from you. I mean…if you say too much and keep talking too long, people miss your point and you’ll just end up saying something to piss them off. I didn’t want to run that risk…coz I think Sam needs to do some thinking, and I don’t want to be the one that messes with his head. I want to be the one who helps him…I’d like to be the good guy for a change.’ Jessica leant her head on Bobby’s shoulder, giving his arm another squeeze.

‘Chorus Boy, you’re always the good guy to me. You’re kind of the sweetest boy in New York, when you get past the bitching.’

‘Finally she sees it!’ Bobby said, rolling his eyes and flicking his hair off his face with an airy sigh. ‘Now come on, Glitter Bug, we need to hurry up if I’m gonna get those brownies baked and watch a movie with you in one night.’

‘Like a movie takes that long.’

‘It does when we have to argue for an hour before we decide which one to watch.’

‘If you just agreed with me we wouldn’t have these problems.’

‘Now who’s unbelievable?’

‘Shut up, you love me.’

 

Jessica didn’t understand how there were any adults in the world who thought they were too old for sleepovers. Sitting on Bobby’s kitchen counter, eating ice cream and teasing him about his perfectionist attitude to baking, she couldn’t have been more content; because sure, maybe when she was sixteen she’d thought that the excitement of growing up would be in Broadway shows and staying out all night at fancy clubs, but really, when it came down to it, being with Bobby, in his kitchen, laughing and knowing she could just curl up on his couch at any minute and no-one would complain or tell her what time she had to be home, that was where she really felt the benefits of her adult freedom.

 

Bobby’s iPod was on in the background, playing country songs Jessica had never even heard of, and they’d had to abandon their film halfway through because Bobby kept making sarcastic remarks under his breath during all of Jessica’s favourite moments. But Jessica didn’t begrudge him any of it.

‘Hey, earth to Glitter Bug – your phone’s ringing.’ Jessica blinked in surprise before quickly hopping down from the counter to run over to her bag, rummaging through it frantically until her phone finally emerged from underneath her rehearsal clothes. And then she faltered. ‘Who is it?’ Bobby’s tone was deceptively casual, but Jessica knew he was no idiot, he’d seen her expression change when she looked down at the screen.

‘Would you believe me if I said it’s no-one?’ she asked, not looking away from her phone as she let it ring out. Bobby waited until her ringtone had finally given up before he replied.

‘Like I said: sometimes you have to let the conversation go, right?’ Jessica glanced over at him with a small smile and he met her eyes, shrugging and giving her a smile of his own. ‘Just promise you’ll let me in some time, ok?’ he said softly and Jessica nodded, dumping her phone back into her bag and crossing the room towards him, holding up her little finger.

‘Promise,’ she told him and Bobby grinned, taking her finger with his own and linking them with a quick wink.

‘Okay then. Well in that case…what do you say we make some cookies to go with these brownies?’

 

 

***

 

_‘That’s the funny thing I’ve realised about Bobby. People are always underestimating him. And not even people who don’t know him: his family, his friends, his boyfriends. I mean…I did it.’ Ivy shook her head, linking her arm with Sam’s. ‘But of all the people to underestimate, why him? He’s like a force of nature. And for all his moaning and complaining, he’s a good person. In fact, I think it’s the moaning and complaining that makes him such a good friend: you always know where you stand. You never know where the conversation's going to end – or if you’re going to have any say in stopping it before it gets there. But you know what you’re going to get out of it. It makes a change, honestly. And right now, I think it’s probably what I need.’_

***

 

Bobby’s bedroom was small, but Jessica loved it. It may have been half the size of her own room, but Bobby kept it far more neatly than she ever managed to keep hers. The bed took up the majority of the space; Bobby could reach his bedroom window without leaving the bed, albeit at a stretch, and boxes, hooks and rails lined the walls either side as a means of preventing too much actual furniture taking up valuable room. To one side of the room was Bobby’s ‘closet wall’, with his clothes all neatly folded on shelves or hanging on rails and hooks beside the bathroom door. The opposite wall had boxes stacked along the length of it, sitting neatly in rows beneath the window, each housing wires, chargers, DVDs and other vital trinkets, whilst on top of those sat stacks of magazines, sheet music and books as well as Bobby’s laptop, iPod dock and his beautiful bedside lamp (a simple cylinder of chrome at first glance, but really a more intricate affair with cut-outs of the New York skyline which made pretty patterns on the dark greyish-blue walls of the room.) Photographs, ticket stubs, cards and notes were the ever-presents of Bobby’s world, and a string ran the length of his window-ledge with a small collection of mementoes pegged to it with musical-note-shaped clips. On top of one of the boxes a framed photograph from Bobby’s birthday three years back was sitting, and Jessica always smiled when she saw it, proud that of all the people there that night, it was her standing, front and centre, with him, the two of them posing, balancing precariously on a chair, their arms wrapped round each other as the rest of the party crammed themselves into the background. The back wall of the room was all exposed brick, and above the bed an old wooden stage door sign hung at a quirky angle, whilst on the wall opposite a narrow, floor-length mirror was propped up, a selection of ties hanging from the corner of it. Bobby’s favourite hoody hung from a hook on the back of the bedroom door, the sleeves worn and the fabric soft and dull, the West Side Story badge frayed a little and coming off at one corner, the dates of his time there still brightly embroidered beneath. It was all so Bobby, and it felt like home to Jessica.

 

Bobby hadn’t bothered putting the blinds down on his bedroom window the night before, and so now early morning sunlight fell across the room, giving everything a fuzzy white halo, even Bobby himself, who was lying spread-eagled, half-tangled in his red tartan blanket, yawning loudly and prodding Jessica in the ribs with his foot.

‘You awake?’

‘How could I not be with your toes in my ribcage?’ Jessica shot back, propping herself up on her elbows and sticking her tongue out at him. She’d managed to steal all the bed covers in the night – Bobby’s sheets were too soft to resist and they smelt of vanilla – and she knew she was the only reason Bobby kept the tartan blanket (a long-ago going-away present from his grandmother) in his bedroom rather than on his couch where it had belonged before she had come into his life. ‘You checked online yet?’ Jessica asked him, her eyes glittering with excitement, and a sly smile touched Bobby’s lips. He stretched, yawning again before fixing his mischievous brown eyes on her, arching one eyebrow in challenge.

‘Not yet. Wanna race me?’ he said, his grin slowly growing wider. Jessica could feel the smile on her own face growing and she pushed herself to sit up properly.

‘Wanna bet I can find the first article before you do?’ she countered and Bobby snorted.

‘Like that has ever happened.’

‘Hey – no texting your spy network, Chorus Boy. I want a fair fight this time!’

‘Fine. Are you ready?’

‘Born ready.’

‘Ok. 3…2…1!’

 

Both of them sprang at once towards the edge of the bed, scrambling over the top of each other to grab up their phones from the bedroom floor. They were both laughing, elbowing each other playfully as their limbs became tangled, and they reached their phones almost simultaneously, both of them affecting a grab and roll technique so that they could lie on their backs side-by-side as they hunted down news from yesterday’s dress rehearsal. Out of the corner of her eye, Jessica could see Bobby with his tongue just poking out of the very corner of his mouth as he concentrated – his eyes were narrowed and his fingers moved in a blur. If she hadn’t have been determined to beat him, she probably would have laughed at just how intense he looked.

 

‘Got it!’ It had taken Bobby less than a thirty seconds to secure victory. He was bouncing up on his bed, kneeling up to wave his phone in Jessica’s face, laughing at her pout before falling back against his pillows and continuing to read the article he had found. ‘Oh we need to show this to Ivy,’ he snickered as Jessica crawled up to lie next to him, resting her head on his shoulder and squinting up at his phone screen.

‘No. Freaking. Way.’ Bobby was still giggling as Jessica took the phone from his hand for a closer look, and she gave him a half-hearted smack on the arm. ‘Ivy’s gonna freak,’ she told him, though she couldn’t help a soft laugh from undercutting her words.

‘Hey, we needed something to sell tickets, right?’ Bobby took his phone back from Jessica, his brown eyes flashing amber through a combination of morning sun and amusement. ‘Naked Marilyn might just do it – and when they find out Ivy’s hot _and_ talented?! We might just make a decent run.’ Bobby paused, his fingers flying over his keypad as he scanned for more news. ‘It’s still early as well, the big Broadway blogs haven’t even picked this up yet. By the time we get to the theatre, we’ll probably have enough to make Ivy a whole scrapbook.’

‘You’re evil,’ Jessica told him with a wicked smile of her own and Bobby pursed his lips in a desperate attempt to hide his laugh. ‘You think we should give Sam a heads up?’

‘Please. Sam is too busy with his own drama – Brian’s injured, remember?’ Bobby pointed out, scrolling back to skim-read the first article once more before skipping on to see what other Broadway news he might have missed whilst he was asleep. Bobby had a tendency to treat his Twitter feed like a morning newspaper, and he had a knack for knowing exactly what combination of people he needed to follow to get the very best quality information on everyone on Broadway.

 

‘What do you want for breakfast, Glitter Bug?’ he asked after a minute, his focus still on his phone even as he kissed Jessica’s forehead. Jessica’s eyes were closed, but a sleepy smile curled her lips and she snuggled closer to Bobby in gratitude. ‘I have doughnuts and I have bacon. Pick one now or I throw them both out and you get what’s left of the Cheerios,’ Bobby added, glancing down at her. Jessica’s smile widened and she rolled onto her stomach, resting her chin on his shoulder and sighing thoughtfully.

‘Can I pick both?’ she asked at last and Bobby rolled his eyes at her fondly, elbowing her lightly in her side.

‘You think Sue is having doughnuts and bacon for breakfast, Jess? This is the reason her dance partner doesn’t have his chiropractor on-call, you know that, right?’ he muttered, flashing her a wink before pushing himself up off the bed.

‘But her dance partner doesn’t have my unconditional love, Chorus Boy. And anyway, you only have to lift me once in the whole show, the rest of the time you’re with Amber.’

‘Yeah. But Amber doesn’t expect me to piggy-back her home,’ Bobby retorted with an exaggerated sigh, flouncing out of the door and ducking out of the way with ease when Jessica launched a pillow at him. ‘Nice. Try and kill the guy who’s getting your breakfast. You’re a great friend, Jess. Really,’ he laughed, sticking his tongue out at her before chucking the pillow straight back in her face and promptly shutting his bedroom door behind him to prevent any further attack. Jessica simply grinned, shaking her head before falling back against the remaining pillows with a contented sigh.

 

Stretching out, she found a patch of sunlight just warm enough to lull her back towards sleep, and she curled around one of Bobby’s ridiculously fluffy pillows, drinking in the familiar vanilla scent of his sheets and smiling to herself as the sound of Bobby singing in the kitchen drifted through the bedroom door, various thuds and clatters combining with the faintest smell of bacon (because Bobby was far too good to her, really.) Normally she was the morning person out of the two of them, but Bobby was obviously in a good mood and Jessica couldn’t help but want to take advantage. She knew she ought to get up and get dressed, do something about her hair, at the very least make Bobby’s bed for him, but sleep was so inviting, and in that moment, in her little patch of sunlight, she could barely even remember the fact that she had a full day at the theatre ahead of her, previews the furthest thing from her mind. But, of course, the universe had other plans for her, and less than a minute passed before the sound of her phone chirping from somewhere in the bed forced her to lift her head from the pillow with a small groan.

 

It took her a while to locate her phone, which she’d managed to lose beneath the bed covers, and by the time she picked it up, the missed call symbol was flashing on the screen. And, yet again, it was Jake’s new number beside it. She should have known the moment she’d taken the risk and called him that this is how it would end; because simply letting her have one conversation with him to clear the air was never going to be enough for someone as stubborn as Jake. No, he’d rather pester and dig until she showed some sign of caring about him – because that was what he really wanted, the knowledge that she, and the rest of the female population, could never dream of being immune to him. Jessica gnawed at her lip as she studied the number – she’d deliberately not saved it into her contacts, her small attempt at putting her foot down – but she knew he’d keep calling until she picked up. And then he’d keep showing up until he got whatever it was he wanted. But she wasn’t like Bobby, she couldn’t stamp her foot and make some fiery remark then walk away – she could still remember all the good times, far more clearly than the bad, and she felt like she was betraying that good side of her former boyfriend by simply ignoring his calls. And sure, maybe Bobby felt that way too sometimes, but he usually had the conviction that he was ultimately right. Jessica couldn’t quite find that sort of self-confidence, though. She had it in almost everything else, but when it came to dating, she always faltered. Bobby had once tried to tell her it all went back to her parents’ failed marriage, but they had both been too drunk to make much sense of his attempt at psychoanalysis.

 

A moment later a text came in and Jessica rolled her eyes; yes, Jake was well aware of her weakness, always had been, and she couldn’t deny that his determination to use her innate goodness for his own gain was actually just as irritating as Bobby had always told her it was. And that had to be progress, didn’t it: the fact that she could see that now when before she’d always found ways to dismiss it? She huffed out a breath and opened the text, her shoulders tense as she read it through. ‘I thought you ringing me meant you wanted to talk? Ignoring my calls? Jess, come on. Grow up. This down to that idiot friend of yours? He’s just jealous Jessie. Get over it already. Call me soon. J x’ – Jessica pursed her lips in annoyance at the dig at Bobby, not understanding why she should ever have to defend Bobby to Jake when Jake was the one who constantly belittled Bobby and not the other way around. They’d never gotten along, and Bobby made no secret of it, but as far as Jessica knew he’d never been outright nasty to Jake, yet Jake had still never approved of their friendship and he never failed to let that show when they ended up in a room together. Jealousy over their closeness? Maybe, she’d had the odd boyfriend since who had been that way, sure. But Jake had always seemed more threatened by how comfortable Bobby was in his own skin – Bobby was what Jake tried to be; cool and confident and strangely magnetic, without being outright nice. But where Jake had to work at it, Bobby fell into it with an ease which frightened people who tried as hard as Jake did. For Bobby, it was simply who he was, and that was enviable, Jessica supposed, but still, there had to be more to Jake’s bitter tone than just that, didn’t there? Because Jake could be childish, but he still had a bit more maturity than that. She hoped.

 

Jessica bit down on her lip and quickly pushed herself up from the bed, her phone still in her hand as she made for the door. She padded through to the kitchen on bare feet, stretching her limbs out as she went. Bobby was still humming to himself, eating cereal whilst simultaneously checking something on his phone – he was standing in an accidental pose, framed by sunlight, hip jutting out to keep the fridge door open, his head turned the opposite direction in order to look at his phone, his hair falling in perfectly dishevelled criss-cross patterns and flopping down into his eyes. He barely acknowledged her as she came into the room, but Jessica didn’t mind: it was a sign of just how used to having her around he was. She silently pulled herself up to sit on the kitchen counter and watched Bobby kick the fridge door closed and dump his cereal bowl beside his phone in one swift move. As he spun around to face her, she smiled a lopsided smile at him and held out her phone, waving it slightly in the hope of tempting his curiosity without having to actually find the words to explain. Bobby frowned at her slightly, but he took the phone, because he could read her expressions well enough to know it was the only way he was getting an answer, and, after one last study of her face, he looked down at the screen, his eyes skimming quickly over the still-open text.

 

She could see the exact moment the confusion cleared from his face and the understanding set in, his whole expression softening, the light in his eyes changing subtly. He glanced up at her and echoed her lopsided smile with one of his own, and it was odd how much comfort flooded through her just from that one simple gesture.

‘You called him?’ Bobby’s voice was so soft, sad without being disappointed, and everything in his body language told her exactly the mix of resignation and sympathy he felt.

‘But you already knew that,’ she countered with a shrug, not able to meet his eyes, because she knew he’d guessed it the moment she’d got that card the other morning. It was the kindness in his face which bothered her, though, because she wasn’t sure she deserved it. She was pretty sure she was being ridiculous and weak to even give Jake the time of day.

 

‘Well…I’m touched he remembers me,’ Bobby joked softly and Jessica couldn’t help but let out the laugh which bubbled up at that. Shaking her head she looked over at him once more, her expression fond and amazed at once.

‘That’s all you have to say, Chorus Boy?’ Bobby shrugged and smiled back at her.

‘You ok, Glitter Bug?’ he asked her quietly, tipping his head enough to force her eyes up to meet his. His voice was still morning-rough but his eyes were bright and clear and focused only on her. Jessica swallowed, giving him a small nod and leaning back on her hands, her shoulders doing a little half shrug as she looked back at him from under her eyelashes.

‘I’m fine. I’m the idiot, not you. I shouldn’t have called him. You were right: one card after all this time? It shouldn’t make up for it,’ she murmured, looking away again.

‘Hey – I’m pretty sure the guy who showed up drunk at your door at midnight after standing you up on your birthday but was still surprised when you dumped him is the only idiot in this situation, actually.’ Bobby pulled himself up onto the counter next to her and elbowed her gently. And if ever there was a time when he hadn’t known her this well, hadn’t been able to look after her this well, then Jessica could no longer remember it.

 

It was as though they’d always been this way and she wanted – powerfully, strongly – for them to always stay this way. She looked up at him, meeting his gaze immediately, and he gave her one of those smiles of his that somehow said everything she needed without losing that playful curve which was so Bobby, so beautiful and unique, that you couldn’t help but smile back at him. He leant in a little, dropping his voice to a half-whisper, and she leant in too, instinctively curious and hopeful at the sight of that light dancing in his eyes. ‘He was never this bothered about talking to you when you were actually together, Jess. Maybe you should think about that.’ He kissed her forehead then before hopping swiftly down from the counter and turning on his heel. ‘Breakfast,’ he announced, reaching for a plate of bacon from the side and handing it to her. ‘They say it’s the most important meal of the day, you know,’ he told her with a pink-lipped grin that made a laugh erupt unexpectedly out of her as she took the plate from his hands.

‘Thank you.’

‘It’s what I’m here for, Jess. But please, eat fast, coz we only have an hour before we need to leave and I know you take forever to get your hair done.’

 

If Bobby had wanted to lecture her, then he did an impressive job of hiding it. All day Jessica found herself waiting for the lingering look or the not-so-subtle remark, but it never came. That morning he channel-flicked while she ate breakfast and he read her all the highlights he found online which mentioned Ivy’s wardrobe malfunction, but he didn’t once open a sentence with a leading ‘So…’ or let out any huffy little sighs when her phone would ring.

 

For someone so sharp, so forthright, it was impressive how good he was at letting certain conversations go, and Jessica suspected it was something which could be traced back to the break-up with Kurt. Because as wrong and as awful as Kurt had been in all of it, Bobby was honest enough to admit he was no saint – it was something Jessica admired about him, his ability to throw his hands up and confess to his own flaws. He knew that there were times when he cared too much, that he let it get the better of him; the caring made him say _too_ much, be _too_ honest, made him poke and pester more than he should. Or at least, it used to. But that had led to conversations getting away from him in a different way: the words coming out before he could stop them, things being said that could never be unsaid, permanent imprints of a darker side of him being forever left behind on someone else.

 

He’d once confessed to Jessica – one night when they were lying side-by-side in the dark of his bedroom, sharing secrets – that there were times when he scared himself. At first she hadn’t known what he’d meant, but, as he’d explained it to her, she started to understand. A lot of people shied away from things which Bobby had no fear of, he was undaunted in times where other people’s survival instincts taught them to be cautious. ‘I’m dangerous’ – those had been his words to her. But Jessica didn’t think of it that way. To her he was amazing. He was cutting, but he wasn’t ruthless – he gave the impression that he was, but he wasn’t – if you really listened to him. Because if he really was ruthless, he wouldn’t use his honesty the way he did, he wouldn’t help people, he wouldn’t be so painfully aware of words and how they came across to others. And he certainly wouldn’t be able to shrug off conversations. He’d be unable to do anything but dig, if he was really, truly only out for the rawness of reality and truth and the personal gain of information. No, that wasn’t how he was. Bobby wasn’t ruthless. Bobby was clumsy sometimes, sure, said the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time, couldn’t stop his thoughts spilling over or clamp a hand over his mouth when maybe it would be wise to. But when it really counted, with people he really cared about, with people who mattered and people who were broken…in those times, he was actually pretty selfless. He knew when he’d given just the right number of words and when it wasn’t his place to offer any more. He knew when he didn’t need to know any more.

 

He didn’t sit with her at the theatre. But if that was out of hurt feelings or disappointment then he wasn’t communicating the message very clearly, because Jessica could hear his laughter from the other side of the auditorium. He was sitting with a small gaggle of the other chorus boys in the stalls, his head thrown back as he played with the chords on his hoody, and Jessica couldn’t resist reaching for her phone, snapping a quick picture of him which, one day, she would probably have to show to some future boyfriend by way of explanation: he’s not crazy, he’s just…wild… _see_. She smiled softly to herself at the thought, shaking her head.

 

‘Did you put extra sugar in his coffee this morning?’ Sue asked from behind her and Jessica looked up in surprise, not realising anyone had noticed how closely she’d been watching her best friend for the past five minutes. She opened her mouth, searching for words, glancing back over at Bobby before letting out a soft laugh and shrugging.

‘No. I think he’s just…in a good mood. He got an honourable mention in one of the Broadway blogs about the dress, you know? I think they said something about him having the best backflips in the business and called him a ‘Broadway stalwart’ or something. Pretty sure that means he’s going to be gloating all week.’ Jessica shrugged and Sue smirked, shaking her head fondly as she leant back in her seat and turned back to the conversation going on around her. But Jessica still watched Bobby, a smile curving her lips. If only the bloggers knew the whole story of Bobby the Chorus Boy – and how much fun there would be in the telling of it.

 

 

***

 

_‘I love it. So much. No, but seriously – I love when I get to go into the audience in a show. Like, I’m not crazy about the quick-change after it, and I’m not exactly into the whole ‘having to learn a new way of staging a song a couple hours before performing it for an actual paying audience’ thing, but I’m used to it; that’s the job I signed up for when I decided I was born for the chorus. But the part when you get let loose on an audience? That part is my thing. I love when you get those moments when you can make a person remember you – you know, when you can catch someone in the audience’s eye and you know that you’re selling it so hard that no matter what else happens that night, they will go home and maybe remember you, even if you are ‘only’ ensemble. And besides: I get to do backflips down a theatre aisle. That’s like…a life’s ambition fulfilled right there.’_

***

 

Kyle looked up anxiously at the sound of the door opening, instinctively trying to make himself look smaller. It was his natural reaction to conflict, especially conflict with Jimmy: try to blend into the wall and hope he’s too focused on being angry to realise you’re even there. As much as he was proud of himself for finally putting his foot down and insisting the show be put first, it still felt a little like a betrayal of their friendship, though it stung that Jimmy would try to use that guilt to his advantage, that Jimmy had become so used to getting his own way that he’d throw Kyle’s newfound confidence back in his face and try to twist it, make it something it wasn’t. No. He’d sided with Derek because he knew Derek was right; he finally had some courage in his convictions when it came to his writing, and that gave him a sort of elation he’d never really known before, except possibly for one or two nights at the theatre. Not that that counted for much in the end. After all, Jimmy couldn’t just be happy for him, he had to try and take that confidence away. And Kyle had a horrible feeling he was succeeding.

 

As he twisted to see who was coming, his shoulders instantly relaxed. It was Ana who had pushed out through the door, peering around it first before spotting Kyle and smiling sympathetically, crossing over towards him and folding her arms.

 

He was sitting on the floor, his back pressed close to the wall and his knees pulled up towards his chest, and although the position clearly stated ‘I’m not even here’, Ana remained characteristically unphased. She sighed and tucked her hair behind her ear before turning on her heel and sliding slowly down the wall, her eyes on him the whole time. Initially she mirrored his position, but slowly, and with a fond roll of her eyes, she shook her head at him and kicked her legs out in front of her, crossing them over at the ankle in what was almost a dance move as she simultaneously tipped her head back to rest it against the wall.

 

‘I thought I might find you out here,’ she said softly, regarding him from under her long lashes, her smile all kindness and mischief and something else which Kyle couldn’t put a name to, but he was drawn to it all the same. He looked over at her with a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes, and her smile turned lopsided as she shrugged her shoulder nonchalantly. She was chewing on a stick of gum and she quickly reached into her pocket to produce the packet, offering it over to him. A simple gesture, maybe, but Kyle drew an immense amount of comfort from it, that and the way her head was bobbing in a half-nod of unspoken understanding as he took a stick of gum for himself. It occurred to him then just how much of an anomaly Ana was; all choppy edges and sidelong glances, but with the kind of soft centre that made you want to be around her. The sort of strength and sweetness that made Kyle feel safe in a way he very rarely had with anyone in his life. A brief image of Bobby blowing out a kiss into a packed auditorium flashed into his mind, the similarities between the two of them not lost to the writer in him. Bright, lightning people – simultaneously magnetic and dangerous and yet somehow the furthest thing from being _really_ dangerous he could imagine. He shook his head slightly, looking away, returning to picking at a thread in his jumper and letting out a heavy sigh which he felt had been building all week.

 

‘Derek told you then?’ he asked her quietly, determinedly training his eyeline away from her, even as he tried to catch a glimpse of her expression. Ana inclined her head, her smile dancing on the edges of mischievous as she shuffled a little closer to him, leaning in in that conspiratorial way of hers that made everything feel like the biggest and best secret in New York that she was sharing only with you.

‘Actually, no. But Jimmy’s stomping around back there like a toddler on steroids, so I kinda figured it out,’ she told him, laughter in her voice, her eyes sparkling. ‘You ok?’ she asked more softly and Kyle chuckled dryly.

‘You’d think it would feel better to get your own way, wouldn’t you?’

‘I don’t know about that. You’re a pretty sweet guy. In my experience, people like you would rather everyone else was happy before they were,’ Ana remarked and Kyle glanced at her in surprise. He hadn’t noticed her becoming one of his best friends until she had already made herself at home in the role, and now she was there, she seemed to be taking it a lot more seriously than Jimmy had in a long time. Her faith in him startled him slightly – the same way Bobby’s had before. The lightning people saw him, believed in him. Wanted to be near him the same way everyone else wanted to be near them. It was a nice feeling, and a stark contrast to the way Jimmy had made him feel just minutes earlier.

 

‘He told me I was jealous of him and Karen,’ he murmured quietly, unable to look at Ana as he spoke, too shy and uncertain of how much truth there might be in Jimmy’s words and too nervous of seeing any trace of scepticism which might be lurking in Ana’s pretty grey eyes.

‘Well then he’s an idiot,’ Ana told him bluntly, no trace of hesitation in her voice, and Kyle instantly felt a small laugh escaping him, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth despite himself as he risked a look up at Ana, who looked back at him without any hint of wavering. ‘You made the right choice, Kyle. You _have_ to know that.’ Kyle quirked his eyebrows at her playfully, tilting his head.

‘You sure you’re not just saying that because you get to sing ‘Karen’s song’?’ he teased and Ana’s eyes widened in a show of outrage as she smacked him lightly.

‘Oh that’s how it is, is it?’ she laughed, giving him a shove for good measure and shaking her head, eyes twinkling with amusement. ‘Derek is a lot of things – a sleaze, a pain in the ass, a total nightmare. But mostly? He’s a genius. He wouldn’t make a change that big, this late on, if he didn’t think it was for the best. And if _he_ wouldn’t? Pretty sure you wouldn’t either.’

 

Kyle nodded slightly, his smile softening as he looked down.

‘Yeah. Except out of our friendship? _Jimmy_ is the genius. Not me. I’m just the guy who follows him around cleaning up the messes he makes. And apologizing to all the people he’s pissed off along the way.’

‘Er, you’re also the one who writes amazing books for musicals,’ Ana put in, her voice soft but firm. ‘Come on, you know it’s true. It took you some time to get there but…you can do this now, Kyle. You’ve proved that to all of us. And you keep getting better; look at the stuff you’ve come up with for the Diva.’

‘I know it’s good…I can just feel it, when I’m onto something, you know? And I know I believe in it and I know other people believe in it too. And that ought to matter, but then one word from Jimmy and I feel like-’

‘Stop.’ Kyle immediately closed his mouth and looked over at Ana, who rested a hand on his arm and leant in, tipping her head so she could look him dead in the eye. ‘He wants you to think like that, Kyle. Because it suits _him_. I’m guessing he’s not really used to not getting his own way…?’ Kyle laughed at that, nodding slowly and biting at his lip.

 

Ana gave his arm a squeeze before sitting back against the wall, tipping her head back. ‘That’s what I thought.’

‘He’s just…an intense person. He gets so focused on things. Which is great…you know, when we’re both focused on the same thing. But with Karen…’

‘She has a way of doing that,’ Ana sighed, pulling a face which Kyle suspected was meant to hide the subtle trace of hurt at the edge of her words.

‘I don’t think he likes the fact that I’m getting good at something. Honestly he…he’s my best friend, we’ve known each other for forever, you know? I’m always going to care about him. Or at least…about who he is when he lets himself be. But I don’t know how much longer I can deal with him needing me to be in that place where he’s the leader. _All the time_.’ Kyle picked at his jumper again then, shaking his head. ‘I think sometimes he knows exactly how to make me seem like the needy one. He plays the ‘I know you’re secretly in love with me’ card because it makes him feel better about the fact that _I’m_ the one who is constantly saving his ass.’

‘If you’re the needy one, he can be the hero, right? He can be who he sees himself as. Instead of the guy with the drug problem getting fished out the gutter.’

‘Something like that.’

‘And is that who you two are? Even now?’ Ana pressed and Kyle let out a long sigh, looking up as though the answer might be written above his head.

‘I don’t even know anymore.’

 

Five minutes or more passed, the two of them sitting side by side in companionable silence, and Kyle could feel all of his muscles slowly un-tensing, a strange peace overcoming what remained of his self-doubt. It was something different, for him; having a friend who he could just be comfortable and quiet with. He loved Jimmy and, for all the hurt of it, he would never trade the friendship they shared. But Jimmy was all restlessness and barely-contained energy – you could never simply sit with him, you always had to be on alert, waiting for the next spark, the next flash, the next moment of intense fear or wonder or sheer hysteria. Everything was always amplified. And it was very rarely quiet. Never like this; calm, safe. Content. A slight haze of sunlight, the buzz of Ana humming next to him as she studied something on her phone. Kyle smiled and blew out a breath. It would be ok. It would all be ok. Even Jimmy would be ok…eventually.

 

‘Maybe you should talk to Bobby again.’ Kyle was startled out of his thoughts by Ana’s voice, her tone something unreadable. There was possibly mischief there, but it was hidden beneath a layer of something else which he couldn’t quite identify; something like surety and caring, something that knew too much. ‘I have his number, if you want it.’

‘Wh…what?’ he managed to stammer out, his brow knitted slightly, and Ana’s smile changed then, turning devilish and wicked as she looked up from her phone screen at last and quirked an eyebrow at him.

‘You heard me,’ she said, elbowing him softly before letting out a low chuckle. ‘Come on, I’m serious. He’s good at pep talks. By which I mean; he’s good at telling people what to do with their lives and judging their choices,’ she added with a shrug.

‘We haven’t even spoken since he-’

‘Kissed you? Yeah. I got that,’ Ana smirked and Kyle felt his cheeks warming.

‘I never told you that was him.’

‘I worked it out,’ she shrugged, her grin wide and unapologetic. Kyle laughed and looked away, shy and awkward that she’d unpicked his little secret.

‘What about Blake?’ he pointed out and Ana let out a sharp, loud laugh that forced Kyle to look at her once more, his eyes wide. She shook her head at him, eyes sparkling as she widened them at him theatrically.

‘I said talk to him, not jump his bones,’ she joked, before pulling a face. ‘Although, knowing Bobby, he probably wouldn’t say no.’

 

Kyle’s blush intensified and he closed his eyes, turning away from her quickly as she chuckled. ‘Come on, I know you like him, but Bobby is good for other things too. He’s like the cheapest therapist in New York. You buy him a cocktail and he will listen to you venting for the whole night and give you top quality advice at the end of it. I’ve seen Karen do it enough times.’

‘He’s opening on Broadway, he has bigger things to worry about. You know I went to their dress yesterday? Trust me, Tom does not need me adding to his cast’s workload.’ Kyle shook his head, determined. ‘It’s not a conversation that’s going to happen. We had what we had, you know? And now…he’s probably forgotten I even exist.’

 

 

 

***

 

_‘A media blackout, though, Jess? Seriously. I can’t even tell you how short-lived that’s going to be. She’s going to be Googling before breakfast, I’m telling you. And you want to know something else? It won’t even be sensible, Chorus Boy-approved Googling. She’s going to find all the worst comments from all the dumbest people. This is a travesty, ok? And if I didn’t have a serious suspicion that’s she’s gone sneaking off to go sleep with Derek like we don’t all know that’s a thing again then I would seriously be chasing after her right now to go and make it stop. Like…really? You pass up the opportunity for me to find the quality blogs? I give up with you people. I am a gift and you just don’t even see it.’ Bobby sighed theatrically. ‘One day I’m going to hunt down all the people who I’ve had conversations with I shouldn’t have let get away and I am going to tell them all the stories I didn’t get to finish. And you know something else? They’re gonna love me. And they’re actually going to realise that maybe there’s a chance I’m not awful…and maybe just maybe I can be brilliant instead.’_

***

 

Outside the stage door of the Lily Hayes, the busy New York streets were slowly quieting, the Broadway bloggers and autograph hunters receding into the dark as soon as the word got around that Marilyn, DiMaggio and JFK had all long since gone home. But just up the stairs, the dull orange glow of the dressing room lights still snuck out onto the landing of the theatre. It was late – stupidly late – before the ensemble could be budged from their own private party; beers and stories in the boys’ dressing room, no named parts allowed.

 

The last to leave were those elite few: the original Bombshell cast, the ones who’d endured three Marilyns, two directors and too many changes of the script to count (they were still word-perfect for their first preview though – ‘We have to drink to that’ had been their motto to get them through the night.) They were tired but too hyped-up to fall asleep, and it took a long time for the company to be whittled down to the most stubborn few; Jessica, Sue and Bobby were the dawdling three.

 

Bobby was perched on the dressing table, Jessica sitting next to him, Sue sitting elegantly opposite, draped across her chair, bottle in hand, telling some story or other that Jessica had stopped listening to. Next to her, Bobby’s laugh was rough around the edges, simultaneously warm and jagged as it echoed out into the now mostly-darkened building, and it buzzed against her skin making her look up. He was sipping on the dregs of his beer, his brown eyes bright in a way which contrasted with the tiredness in his voice; same old Bobby, all opposites and vibration.

 

‘Oh my God, you lie like a dog,’ he drawled at Sue, eyes flashing. ‘Like you’d even stop up this late if it wasn’t for how endlessly entertaining I am,’ he added with a sigh, slamming down his empty bottle dramatically and throwing his bedraggled hair off of his forehead with a flourish. Sue laughed at him and Jessica smiled fondly, smacking lightly at his shoulder. ‘Seriously. I’m not letting you accuse me of losing my edge: I am the edge, ok? And no-one can do a show on one-to-three hours of sleep better than I can. Besides, one of you can’t make it through a party without needing me to carry her home, and the other one?’ Bobby leant forward enough to pluck the bottle from Sue’s hands and inspect it. ‘Has been drinking water all night.’

‘We have more previews tomorrow!’ Sue protested with a smirk, but Bobby rolled his eyes.

‘Yeah, which we will only get through if we are hung-over. God, when did you people forget the rules of how to open a Broadway show?’ Bobby folded his arms and arched one eyebrow mischievously. ‘Did you not get the pamphlet I sent round? Visit my website? Buy your Idiots’ Guide To Being Cool on Broadway? You’re worse than Iowa and her doe-eyes, seriously.’ Bobby shrugged, unphased even as Sue swotted at him and Jessica laughed, her eyes wide, incredulous and amused.

‘You did not just say that, Chorus Boy!’ she exclaimed, suddenly wide awake again and trying to decide whether to laugh or smack him.

 

Bobby’s grin glinted in the dressing room’s amber light and he let out a long and put-upon sigh, glancing at her from the very corner of his eye as though judging how well she was taking the bait.

‘What? I said it: you and Sue are boring. If you want an apology then I have some really bad news to give you about the nature of my character, Glitter Bug.’ Jessica pinched him playfully on the arm and Sue rolled her eyes. ‘Hey, you’re the ones with the power to prove me wrong,’ he added, pretending to examine his nails and trying to smother the wicked smile which was still dancing at the corners of his lips.

‘I’m going home now,’ Sue said with flat determination, smirking at him fondly as she pushed up from her seat. ‘You two can do what you want, but I want to get some sleep before notes tomorrow.’ Bobby let out a low groan at that, wrinkling his nose.

‘Don’t mention notes. You’re making me want to drink even more,’ he complained, setting down his bottle and making a grab for his coat. ‘Come on, at least come back to mine – we can drown our sorrows in hot chocolate? I even have leftover cookies; and I risked my life protecting those things from Jess, so really, you can’t even justify turning the offer down.’

 

He didn’t stop. Even as the three of them were swinging their bags onto their shoulders and clattering down the dark stairs. Jessica didn’t really catch all of it, offered no real challenge to his absurd remarks. Instead she watched him, watched the changing lines on his face as he talked far too fast to be taken seriously. And God, hadn’t she known him a long time? That strange, dazzling creature which had sprung unexpectedly from the back of some chorus line somewhere, sharp-tongued and sarcastic and telling her to come with him for drinks. She could’ve said no; she’d been exhausted from rehearsal and drained from another go-around with Jake, it wasn’t like they’d spent enough of that day together to inspire any sense of duty from her. But he’d persuaded her with a grin that had glinted in the backstage dark, his eyebrows arched the same way they were now. And he’d made her smile – a hundred wide, new smiles, each one brighter than the last as he told her some stupid story or touched an understanding hand to hers when her own secrets had somehow been spilled (coaxed out by his strangely sweet brown eyes and too much alcohol, she suspected.) Nights with Bobby were warming, pooling like hot chocolate in the pit of her stomach, settling there in a comfortable weight.

 

She looked over her shoulder at him as she signed herself out for the day, a lopsided smile on her face that was all fondness and history. Stubborn, ridiculous and still talking, Bobby caught her glance and rolled his eyes at her, not pausing for breath in his sentence. She let out a soft laugh and smacked his arm.

‘Will you shut up for five seconds?’ she asked him, no hint of annoyance in her tone, her eyes twinkling playfully as she sidestepped towards him, allowing Sue past her to sign out. In response Bobby rolled his eyes again, resting his head back against the wall and folding his arms, breathing out through his nose as if she were testing his patience.

‘It’s not like you were even listening, Jess.’ There was a smile on his lips too though, and Jessica suppressed a smirk. So he was sly, so he liked to whine. So he had a grin which was all sharp edges and a dangerous laugh. But he had a heart of gold in there too – something else she might not ever have known if she’d turned him down that first time.

 

The night was one of those magic ones. Winter in New York: crisp and black and twinkling, rows of theatres’ house lights like distant constellations stretching off into the dark. Jessica shivered and pulled her coat around her more tightly, waiting as Bobby held the door open for Sue and listening to the icy scratch of their heels on the street, echoing down the surprisingly empty road. A siren hollered somewhere in the distance but the sound disappeared quickly into the night and Jessica sighed, stifling a yawn and linking her arm through Bobby’s.

 

They were just turning away from the theatre – heading in the opposite direction to all of Bobby’s favourite bars, because as persuasive as he was, Sue would take very little of his nonsense past eleven o’clock on a show day – when someone’s voice called out to them, soft and hopeful, and the three of them turned in time to see Ana pushing herself off the theatre wall and taking a step in their direction.

 

‘Hey.’ Ana seemed uncharacteristically self-conscious for a moment as she came up to join them, and Bobby quirked an eyebrow and leant in towards Sue conspiratorially.

‘Hide your bad reviews, the enemy who stole our director has arrived,’ he stage-whispered, eyeing Ana with a grin.

‘Trust me: not why I’m here,’ Ana smirked, holding up her hands in mock-surrender and stepping further away from the stage door shadows. In the light, Jessica could see just how tenacious the gleam in her eyes was as she stared Bobby down with a grin of her own, a grin which was every bit as sharp and charming as his was. She flicked her hair, earrings dancing dramatically, and Jessica almost wanted to laugh at the two of them as she glanced from one to the other. They were like twin images, wild and scribbled at the edges, but the same bold colours splashed across them, both of them stirring up their own vortexes of energy in the still night, making the air vibrate. ‘I come in peace, I swear,’ Ana shrugged, adjusting the strap on her bag and scuffing her shoe against the floor.

 

Her eyes turned downwards then as she gnawed on her lip, seemingly debating something inside her head before looking back up with a roll of her eyes. ‘I’m kind of in search of alcohol, actually. Figured since you guys had your first preview tonight, you might be going for drinks somewhere loud and tacky and utterly perfect for being a bitch.’ Bobby’s spine straightened a little at that and he narrowed his eyes, intrigued but determined to appear aloof.

‘I thought you were in the theatrical event of the season – haven’t you got your own cast party to go to?’ he asked and Ana laughed, though the laugh was surprisingly short and sharp and it was obvious to Jessica there was a story there.

‘So you heard about that, huh?’ Ana sighed and Bobby produced his phone from his pocket, waving it dramatically by way of an explanation.

‘I hear about everything,’ he added with a shrug, and Ana tilted her head in acknowledgement of the point before burying her hands in her pockets.

‘Yeah, well…we already had our cast drinks. But me and Karen are fighting and…I kinda needed to vent.’

‘You want to vent about Iowa?!’ Jessica asked, surprised, because she’d thought that Karen and Ana’s friendship was beyond that sort of fragility, but beside her Bobby simply smiled a slow, dry smile and shook his head.

‘It’ll be just like Boston; getting drunk and calling Karen names…you don’t want to bitch about Derek too, do you? Because if you want to, I have _so_ much material saved up from the workshop it’s ridiculous.’ Jessica swotted at him but he rolled his eyes. ‘What?! She knows I call Karen names. I call Karen names to her face – she wanted a bitch, I’m being a bitch!’

 

Ana laughed as Jessica gave her best apologetic look, and she raised her eyebrows hopefully at the two of them, looking from one to the other with a smile.

‘So, is that a yes?’

‘I’m taking off. But I guarantee you? Bobby will drink with you,’ Sue remarked, looking over at Bobby with amusement, and Ana bit back a laugh of her own when she caught the way both Jessica and Sue were looking at Bobby, whose expression was somewhere between devilish and affronted.

‘His place isn’t far from here, and I left my bag there this morning anyway, so you won’t have to put up with him on your own,’ Jessica suggested with a smile. ‘I happen to know he always has beer in too,’ she added with a smirk, glancing across in time to see Bobby roll his eyes in a show of exasperation.

‘Yeah, because you always end up back at my place drinking it,’ he retorted, unable to completely hide his smile from his words. He looked over at Ana, finally offering her one of his softer, kinder smiles, the sort that showed his guard was officially down. ‘Come on, my place is this way. But don’t expect Jess to last past one beer – she’s a lightweight after a show, it’s actually embarrassing being friends with her, honestly.’

 

Ana was all eyeliner and sighs, one of those people who was constantly moving, her eyes wide and her lips pink and pouting. Jessica couldn’t help but watch her, fascinated by the jagged flicks of her hair and the way her jewellery rattled as she talked. She had softer smiles than Bobby, and a softer lilt to her voice. Her energy was somehow more contained than his, more targeted and less likely to break free at the wrong moment. But she widened her eyes for emphasis the same way he did, regarded people out of the corner of her eye as she spoke just like him. She let her rings clink carelessly against her beer bottle as she chatted animatedly, all choppy edges and enthusiasm. Watching her triggered a small pang of envy in Jessica, because she couldn’t help but think it must be nice to just be a bombshell, to just be red and gorgeous and dangerous – a nice contrast to the soft pink blush of being ‘cute as a bug’ and always smiling. Bobby always told her she could rock a smoulder if she just took a deep breath and let go a little, but still, she wasn’t convinced she could ever match up to a fireball like Ana. And maybe a small part of Karen had the exact same fear – though Jessica didn’t put a voice to that thought.

 

‘God, I’m sorry. I sound like a bitch, right? I know I do, you don’t have to tell me.’ Ana took a long gulp of her beer and sighed, flopping back against Bobby’s couch.

‘And? Karen was a bitch first,’ Bobby responded unflinching, taking a sip of his own beer and giving Ana a shrug. The two of them were sitting side by side on the floor, just in front of where Jessica had nestled sleepily in the corner of Bobby’s couch, and from her vantage point behind them, Jessica could see the way they formed mirror images of each other, their knees pulled up to their chests and their heads tipped back lazily against the couch cushions.

‘I just can’t believe she actually dismissed you like that. She’s your friend – she should see how talented you are. She should respect it too,’ Jessica sighed softly and Ana flicked a glance up at her, offering a small smile – preceded by only the slightest glint of teeth.

‘Well, I can believe it. She’s had a superiority complex since before Bombshell even had a title,’ Bobby put in, rolling his eyes dramatically and barely reacting as Ana thumped him on the arm. ‘What?! It’s the truth. She’s a nightmare when she gets going, I swear.’

‘That’s still my best friend you’re talking about,’ Ana warned him through a laugh and Bobby shrugged idly.

‘Yeah. For now. ‘Til she stabs you in the back to try and get that song back,’ he remarked slyly, getting a shove to the back of his head from Jessica in return.

‘Be. Nice,’ she warned lightly and Bobby pulled a face.

‘I am nice! But I’m also honest. Iowa knows what I think of her,’ he said simply.

‘And she learnt the hard way about this business from Bombshell, remember?’ Jessica chided him softly and Ana smirked, shaking her head slightly. ‘She’s been through a lot,’ Jessica added quietly. ‘Besides, we all know Derek likes to play mind games.’

‘Yeah, I bet he likes to play other games too,’ Bobby remarked slyly and Jessica outright kicked him, making Ana laugh.

 

‘You know, when she told me about you guys? She told me about all this stuff you were telling her, about how she didn’t respect Broadway and did this whole ‘I’m so far above you’ thing and all that…and I thought you guys must be crazy. I was like: Karen’s the sweetest, screw you. I was all ready to kick both your asses. But I think I get it now – feed her enough of the spotlight and Karen goes crazy on you. She flat out said, to my face, that I wasn’t good enough to have deserved this. That’s what it amounts to anyway. She thinks it’s all Derek’s games, nothing to do with me maybe being good at my job…because she’s the only person to ever sing a song and make people feel anything. _She_ stole that part off _me_ by quitting Bombshell, and I was even happy for her! I stuck around because that’s how the theatre works, is it so wrong that I expected the same from her when my chance finally came around?! ’ Ana rolled her eyes and Bobby nodded enthusiastically.

‘That’s it _exactly_ ,’ he said in a rush of breath. ‘She thinks she’s special because she’s talented, but honestly, in this town? Talent is _so_ not even the point.’

‘But do you trust Derek not to cave? We all know she’s his ‘muse’,’ Jessica pointed out and Ana laughed, though there was no humour in the sound.

‘Does anyone trust Derek?’ she demanded, glancing up at Jessica, who smiled understandingly and looked down, tilting her head in acknowledgment of the point. ‘I’ve got Kyle on my side, though. And the New York times. And…since Karen started hooking up with Jimmy…’ Ana trailed off, her eyes flashing suggestively.

‘Dark Derek went all moody and stopped being quite so inspired by Karen’s charms?’ Jessica guessed and Ana nodded.

‘She says it’ll go back when he gets his head around her bad boy boyfriend but…I’m not so sure. For Derek? The show is king. And whether I was playing the Diva or not, I’d say his way is better,’ she shrugged. ‘I don’t think he’s even that bothered about Karen anymore. This show’s become his baby. If he axed me tomorrow, I’d still trust it was for the best.’

‘Please, you _made_ that character. I saw the video on YouTube: you owned Derek with that Beyoncé number. Hit List was dying for you to come in and set everything on fire, don’t even lie. Whether Karen likes it or not, you made a story right there. And Broadway lives off of stories.’ Bobby smiled slyly. ‘Derek could be sleeping with the whole cast and you’d still be given that opening number. Not even joking.’

 

Ana glanced at Bobby, her face suddenly unguarded, self-doubt and gratitude mingling there as she took in his words. For a second she met his eyes before smiling a tiny, uncertain smile and looking down.

‘Thanks,’ she managed before shrugging lightly and Bobby shot her a small wink. Ana’s smile widened and she looked down with a soft laugh. ‘Anyway, Karen’s too caught in her little Jimmy bubble to even realise Derek doesn’t care anymore,’ she half-whispered, picking at the label on her beer bottle.

‘Urgh. Never try and start a relationship when you’re opening a show. It will not end well,’ Jessica said, pulling a face.

‘Oh my God, it doesn’t even matter at this point. Iowa could sleep with Derek tomorrow and it still wouldn’t even be close to the point,’ Bobby said softly, looking up at Jessica with a small, wicked smile. ‘She doesn’t get the rules, Glitter Bug. Broadway isn’t about who the star is and it isn’t about who’s sleeping with the director. It’s definitely not about talent. Broadway is built on stories. God – why else is it that the show’s name is the biggest thing on the poster? You can have the best cast in the world, but if the story doesn’t work, you’ll be closed in a week. The story is the star in this town. And that means the only people whose opinions even matter are the writer and the director. Everyone else is just set dressing. Pretty much literally.’ Ana smirked and offered out her beer for a toast. Bobby grinned and quickly clinked his own bottle against hers in salute. ‘If the story needs you to sing that song, you’re singing that song. The sooner Iowa gets her head around that the better, or she’s going to end up with no friends left.’

 

‘I should get going.’ Jessica doesn’t know what time it is when Ana sighs out that admission, but she knows it must be late. Being that Bobby was never parted from his phone, he’d never felt the need to invest in any handy time-telling device for his walls, but Jessica was exhausted to her bones in a way that could only mean that they were well past midnight, and, given that she had another preview to get through tomorrow, she ought to have been in bed hours ago.

 

‘I’ll walk you back,’ Bobby said through a yawn and Ana smirked softly, rolling her eyes.

‘You don’t have to do that, you know. I’ve lived in this city long enough, I think I can handle it.’ She pushed herself to her feet and stretched elegantly. ‘Besides, who’d mug me? I’m broke. You’d think stealing songs off your best friend would pay better, but apparently off-Broadway doesn’t work that way.’

‘Shut up, I’m walking you home already. Just because you _can_ handle yourself, doesn’t mean you _have_ to,’ Bobby retorted, his voice soft but firm as he got to his feet. ‘Just let me get a thicker jacket so I don’t freeze to death.’ He stretched out too then turned on his heel. ‘I’m not losing my paying Broadway gig to frostbite. I’m probably losing it to a hangover, but not fucking frostbite,’ he cast back over his shoulder as he disappeared into his bedroom.

 

Ana glanced over at Jessica who smiled a smile which was part-amusement and part-pride.

‘Is he always like this?’ Ana asked her and Jessica shrugged.

‘My advice? Don’t argue with him. I don’t think I’ve been allowed to walk home alone since I met him.’

‘Wow,’ Ana remarked and Jessica couldn’t quite read the tone of it. It wasn’t as hard-edged and sarcastic as Ana wanted it to seem, and from the curve of her lips, Jessica would guess that she was actually immensely grateful – there’s something about the way she looks at Bobby when he re-emerges from his room that betrays a note of vulnerability to the tough, feisty young woman. ‘Thank you for this, you guys,’ she murmured as she turned towards the door. ‘I almost didn’t bother, but…I’m glad I did. It’s nice having somewhere to go where it’s ok to talk about things without having to worry people will judge you…or that it’ll all end in some big drama. Things are pretty intense when you work a show with Jimmy Collins. And when you add Derek and Karen to the mix as well…’ she trailed off and rolled her eyes.

‘We work at Bombshell. Trust me, we get it,’ Bobby assured her dryly, coming over to join her by the door before casting a look back at Jessica. ‘Hey, Glitter Bug – go get some sleep already. I don’t want to find you passed out on my couch when I get back, ok?’

‘Thanks, Monkey,’ Jessica smiled tiredly. ‘Night, Ana. You know where we are if you need us,’ she added and Ana nodded before turning on her heel and heading out of the door.

 

It was bitterly cold outside and Ana shivered as they walked, hunching her shoulders slightly in order to burrow down into her thick coat. A breeze swirled down the streets, bringing with it ripples of sound from the roads beyond, a car horn here or there, the odd shriek of laughter as partiers stumbled home. The city hummed with energy; a deep, low thrum just below the surface, always there, but somehow more noticeable in the dark. The intensity of everything that happened seemed magnified in New York, like someone was constantly drumming out a beat on the earth beneath the city.

 

In the amicable quiet, Ana found herself falling into step with Bobby, and she flicked a glance across at him, watching the curve of his lips and the way the shadows danced in his eyes.

 

His gaze was turned up to an open window across the street from them, the curtains blowing out into the night, raised voices reverberating down the road. A woman appeared at the window, a mass of clothes and belongings in her arms. She threw them out of the window with a flourish before disappearing once more, still yelling, and Bobby bit back a snigger, exchanging a glance with Ana, who laughed and raised her eyebrows.

‘Wow,’ she muttered dryly. ‘I didn’t realise people actually did that in real life,’ she added, widening her eyes in mock-judgement, and Bobby flashed her a grin.

‘Please, I thought you said you used to live round here? We’re all bad soap opera characters in this neighbourhood. In my building alone we have the camp gay drama queen – also known as me – the mother-of-two with relationship problems getting weekly visits from a guy who says he’s a plumber, although I’m pretty sure doesn’t even know what the word ‘plumbing’ even means, and then there’s the creepy old guy who likes to keep track of what time all of us make it back each night and who we make it back with.’ He shuddered for effect then blew out a breath. ‘I’m still waiting on the dramatic plot twist where mother-of-two’s husband starts up his steamy affair with me,’ he added and Ana worked hard not to burst out laughing, desperately trying to suppress her grin.

‘Yikes,’ she said simply, a soft chuckle escaping her. Bobby flicked his hair with a flourish, affecting an air of weariness that didn’t match the wicked twinkle in his eyes.

‘Exactly,’ he intoned. ‘I can barely keep up, honestly.’ Ana couldn’t keep the laughter down at that, and he laughed with her, his hair falling in his eyes. He looked younger then, less cynical for a brief moment, and it struck Ana that this whole night had somewhat gotten away from her. She’d ventured out in the hope of one particular conversation, and found a very different one instead. But it had been better. And this felt better than the bitter taste that blind ranting about her long-term best friend would have left in her mouth.

 

As they rounded the corner, Ana took a moment to look at Bobby more carefully, taking in the detail of him for the first time since Karen had introduced them. The breeze picked up a little, rippling against his shirt and sending his coat billowing out behind him briefly. But if the sharpness of the cold stung him, he didn’t show it. Unflinching, his lips still curled into a smile, Bobby simply tossed his hair out of his face and cast a glance over his shoulder to where the woman was still unloading armfuls of belongings onto the street below. He chuckled again and stuck his hands in his pockets, looking down and trying to hide his impish grin, as though he knew he was in no position to judge a fellow drama queen. It was strange, seeing him boyish and playful – he gave off that cutting, jaded vibe so well that it was easy to forget that, for all the cynicism he spouted, Bobby loved New York and Broadway, he even loved the grimy underbelly of it all, late night rows and sleazy neighbours included. She settled into the quiet with him, chewing on her lip and wondering just how odd it would be for her to share any of this with him, for her to try and express just how grateful she was. But the walk was too short to have time for any of it, and she could already see familiar outlines of buildings in the distance. She sighed and decided he probably knew – he was a born conversationalist that’s for sure, and maybe Kyle’s right, maybe he forgets half the people he shares his gems of humour and insight with, maybe he won’t even remember her tomorrow.

 

‘You know, not many people know it, but I was actually in Billy Elliot for a while.’ Bobby offers the information, unprompted, a good five minutes later. The two of them are coming to a halt in front of her building’s front steps when he speaks and it cuts off any goodbye which might have been forming on Ana’s lips. ‘About a year before it closed, maybe a bit longer,’ he added then, and Ana paused a moment in her rummage for her keys so that she could look over at him. He was looking down, scuffing his shoe against the ground lightly, hair falling untidily across his face once again. His eyes were quiet and serious, his hands rammed deep into his coat pockets and the corners of his lips turned down, though not in a frown, more out of concentration, as though he was trying to follow the thread of some memory before it got away from him. But then he caught Ana’s arched eyebrow and chuckled softly, pulling a face. ‘I know – I don’t think my agent even knows how I got that job. I so did not fit the casting call.’ That made Ana laugh and match his grin with one of her own.

‘Big butch miner not your usual gig?’ she enquired lightly, folding her arms and turning back to face him more fully.

‘Not so much. I know, it’s crazy, right?’ Bobby smirked, his eyes glinting darkly in the half-light before he cast them downwards again, his expression softening. ‘I loved it there.’

 

Another chuckle escaped him then, a memory bubbling up from him unbidden. ‘You know, in the opening number? We’re all supposed to sing, from offstage? Yeah. Six months in, the sound guy tells me he forgot to turn my microphone on for that bit – that entire time. I mean like…seriously. I’d been singing that whole time and no-one in the audience would’ve even known about it. The whole cast laughed at me. The sound guy too, he never let me live it down. But…I didn’t even care. I _loved_ that show. It was everything I wanted. You know, all of us, we were being upstaged every night by these little kids and it didn’t even bother us. We all just lived for it. And those kids were crazy-talented anyway – age ten and they had more comic timing in their little fingers than some guys I know have in their whole bodies, seriously. They’re pint-size and churning out pirouettes whilst the rest of us are backstage scrabbling around for an inhaler coz this guy Duncan overdid his quick-change.’

 

Bobby laughed a low, fond laugh, and, though his eyes were still on the floor, Ana could see the sparkle in them as he remembered – she could almost picture the scene just from the way he smiled, could picture Duncan and a mad cast scramble, some wardrobe girl trying to ram on his shoes for him before his call time, Bobby making unhelpful comments from the sidelines. And she finally thought she got it then. Got why someone as determined as Karen put up with his country-bumpkin jokes and his eye-rolling. Why someone as sweet as Jessica would want him hissing and huffing at her side like a shadow. Why Kyle would care so much about one stupid kiss. Why half of Broadway knows the guy’s name and can’t say it without a lopsided smile, and even Derek occasionally mutters to himself that he wishes he could steal Bobby away from Bombshell because ‘this lot wouldn’t even know where to begin.’ She gets it in that moment, when his laugh is soft and distant and his eyes are amber with memories. _It’s because he’s a contradiction_. He’s everything, all at once. Because as much as he cuts through everyone’s bullshit, he _sees_ through it too, sees beyond the hardened disbelief other people try to protect themselves with. He sees what other people try and convince themselves not to: the impossible and the fantastic. He still believes in magic like no-one ever told him that Santa wasn’t real. And that’s _glorious_ , Ana thinks, smiling. That’s beautiful and unique and _so necessary_. That’s important.

 

‘Anyway, it was probably one of my favourite jobs. I wanted to have the poster framed at my place but…they’re surprisingly hard to get hold of. I have a Playbill hanging up with some tickets and cards and stuff in my bedroom though, for old time’s sake. There’s never been a show I snuck into the wings to watch as often as I did at Billy. Something about that story…’

‘The story is king, right?’ Ana put in quietly, a slow smile spreading across her face as it occurred to her why he was telling her all of this. Bobby nodded, meeting her eyes.

‘Sometimes it’s the only thing that matters, whatever side of the curtain you’re sitting on. That was something I’d always thought but…I don’t think I really got it ‘til Billy. I used to make sure I was ready for the curtain call early, just so I could be back there every night for that last scene – have you seen it?’ Off a slight, acknowledging tilt of Ana’s head, Bobby smiled and shrugged, looking off into the night like he was watching the show unfold out there in the street. Ana could just imagine him sitting in the wings, a dumb half-smile curving his lips as the music swelled and the curtain edged down. ‘It’s that bit when Billy’s leaving…and he gives his friend Michael that kiss goodbye and the kid just sits there and watches him go. There was one pair of kids in those parts, I swear…they had everyone holding their breath. The music and the lighting helped but…those kids got the story. They played it so you couldn’t not cry. You’d just feel this charge down your spine and you just knew… _that was the moment_. That was when that show became more than just a night at the theatre. People went home thinking about that – people went away not able to fucking shake that.’

 

Bobby swallowed and looked down. ‘I guess I got it; a kid whose family don’t really get him – he’s kind of crazy and different or whatever…and in the end he has to leave it all and they still don’t really understand but they let him do it.’

‘You were that kid once, right?’ Ana guessed and Bobby gave her a wry smile.

‘Not going to lie, I definitely had an easier time of it. No broken family and no demands I pack it all in and live in the real world, no dramatic political backdrop. My parents actually even bought me Playbills from yard sales sometimes, just to humour me. But…they still don’t really understand me. Or Broadway. Or why I do this. So…yeah…that story mattered to me. And honestly, I even left a thank you card for those kids when we had our cast change. Never told ‘em to their faces but I thought they ought to know; it matters what you do out there. The story matters, even to the other people in your cast. Broadway isn’t about stars and it’s not about stabbing your friends in the back. It’s about stories. And whether your character has one song or ten, one line or one hundred…if you care about them, then someone else in that audience will too. You just have to _make them_ care.’ Bobby met her eyes, his expression fierce and determined at once. ‘Whatever happens with Karen and Derek…you can bring that part alive, you know. You can make it count. And Karen will get that too, eventually, when she comes up for oxygen from kissing the Bad Boyfriend and takes a look at that show for what it really is.’ Ana couldn’t help but smile then, a wide, soft, grateful smile, and she let out a small chuckle.

‘And what it is is a damn good story, right?’ she asked quietly and Bobby grinned, clearly pleased with his work as he leant forward just enough to make it seem like their little secret.

‘ _Exactly_ ,’ he breathed, winking, and Ana chuckled again, shaking her head. Bobby’s smile grew a little wider and he shrugged casually, leaning back. ‘It really is an amazing show you’re in, you know. And I’ve only _read_ it – onstage? That story must be amazing. There are so many shiver-down-the-spine moments there, those are the things which people won’t be able to get out of their heads when they go home. And if Karen doesn’t get that, then everyone will be paying more attention to your character anyway, whichever one of you sings that song. Although, honestly? I think she’ll get there. I know I give her hell but…deep down I can acknowledge she’s not half bad…like…half the time…maybe.’ His smile was sly but sweet and Ana laughed.

 

Bobby stepped back slightly then, and Ana’s instinctive response to the loss of closeness was to edge forwards, stepping back into the circle of his energy in order to wrap her arms around his neck in a firm, grateful hug. As she gave him a small squeeze, she even surprised herself. She didn’t often hug, not unless a friendship was longstanding, but Bobby seemed to have earned her trust all the same.

‘Thank you…seriously, I mean it. You were exactly who I needed to talk to tonight.’ She stepped back and looked him square in the face, her eyes determined and shining. ‘I was honestly just looking to get drunk and vent to someone who wouldn’t judge me for it but…I actually found some pretty solid advice. And the exact words I needed to get over myself. You’re one of a kind, you know that?’ Bobby smirked.

‘Please, it’s written on the back of all my headshots,’ he shot back, but his airy tone didn’t match the genuine warmth in his eyes and Ana smacked him lightly, shaking her head and pressing a single kiss to his cheek.

‘See you around, Chorus Boy,’ she told him, moving back and delving back into her bag for her keys. ‘But just so you know? If anyone asks: this never happened,’ she told him with a smirk, turning around and heading for the steps. ‘I don’t do hugs and I have a reputation to protect as a badass. And honestly? I don’t really like chorus boys that much normally.’ Bobby quirked an eyebrow at her as she glanced down at him over her shoulder, all amusement, and for a moment he held her gaze before shrugging, suppressing a grin.

‘Whatever you say, Cuddles. I was never here,’ he replied, and despite herself she laughed.

‘You’re never going to stop calling me that are you?’ she sighed, amused, and Bobby grinned up at her shamelessly.

‘Probably not. But you know you love it.’

 

Ana was about to turn back to the door when she paused, her mouth moving, her brows knitting together briefly.

‘So…’ Bobby regarded her in confusion as she stuttered, half-turned back towards him and half-turned away, her body seeming to jerk for a moment before she finally turned back fully, coming down a step and leaning forwards ever so slightly. ‘So…this might seem like a random question but…you remember Kyle Bishop, right?’ Bobby blinked, and, though he quickly trained his features into a mask of nonchalance, Ana caught the brief flicker of a smile that crossed his thin, pink lips, and his eyes were dancing gold in the shadows.

‘Pint-size, blue eyes. Impossibly adorable. Sure, what about him?’ Ana tilted her head, a crooked smile forming on her face; that answer betrayed more than Bobby meant it to, she suspected, and she folded her arms, suddenly surer that she should press the issue.

‘He’s had kind of a rough day today too. I told you it was his call that gave me that song in the end, right?’ She flicked a glance at Bobby and saw him give her a small nod. ‘Yeah, well. It wasn’t exactly easy for him.’

‘Let me guess – Captain Broody didn’t like his girlfriend losing her big number?’ Bobby said, his voice strangely soft and tender. Ana smiled, seeing again why it was that this oddball chorus boy could have made such an impact on sweet, painfully good Kyle Bishop.

‘My understanding is that he played the jealousy card. He’s really pushing for that BFF of the Year trophy, actually.’

 

Ana couldn’t hide her irritation at Jimmy’s games and she was glad to see a look of understanding on Bobby’s face, as though he’d dealt with bad boys before and knew all the tricks of their trade well enough to rise above them.

‘Does he mind that Iowa is trying to beat him out for that trophy?’ he joked slyly after a beat and Ana laughed, shaking her head and pointing a lightly warning finger in his direction.

‘I should slap you.’

‘Wouldn’t be the first time someone did that, actually,’ Bobby sighed theatrically before straightening up slightly and tilting his head to one side in curiosity. ‘But I’m still not seeing where I fit into this,’ he said, eyes narrowed. Ana sighed and came down another step.

‘Look, I don’t know exactly what happened between the two of you. But I do know Kyle had stars in his eyes about the whole thing afterwards. Just saying your name in his presence makes him suddenly think he can conquer the world – and that? That is something pretty special to just walk away from, if you ask me.’

‘Yeah, well…maybe. But I heard he had a boyfriend these days so-’ Ana cut him off with a sharp laugh, tipping her head back and turning her gaze skywards in mild exasperation before fixing him with a piercing look, eyes twinkling with amusement and frustration.

‘Do I look like the type of girl who’d enjoy playing Cupid?! God. What is it with you two that the first thing you think I’m suggesting is that you jump into bed together? That is so not the point here.’ Ana’s smile softened as she looked back over at Bobby, whose eyes were now turned down, a strange half-smile on his lips, even as he bit at the corner of them. ‘Look, I don’t know whatever pact the two of you made or why, Kyle didn’t even tell me it was you, actually – but there’s not that many chorus boys in this town with the power to make people feel better about themselves over a couple of beers, so I kind of figured it out. But…whatever happened…you both obviously cared about it. And whatever it was you said to Kyle…it pushed him to feel like he could actually do this, with or without Jimmy’s help. And honestly, right now? I think he’s kind of starting to doubt that. I’m not saying jump his bones, Bobby. I’m just saying…call him? Drop by a rehearsal? Just….sprinkle some of that Bobby stardust on him that you’re so good at giving people. Think about it? Maybe? He could use a good friend right now, since his own best friend is a pretty crappy one.’ She tilted her head just enough to get his attention, his eyes coming back up to hers. His lips twitched slightly and she knew she’d got through when he gave her a small nod. Then, as quickly as the smile had appeared, Bobby had smoothed it out, suddenly standing a little taller and taking a step back from her.

‘Sure. I’ll consider it. But just so we’re clear: Bobby Stardust? I’m totally stealing that. I think it might be my new stage name.’ Ana stared at him, incredulous for a beat, before succumbing to a laugh, turning her eyes briefly skywards. Because really, he was a nightmare. Impossible to deal with, let alone keep up with.

‘Goodnight, Chorus Boy. And please: don’t ever change.’

 

He spent the first half of his walk back playing idly with his phone. His thumb ran back and forth over the familiar scratch – a nervous habit of his, a way of dispelling energy without giving too much away. He felt suddenly guarded and uncertain – not lacking in confidence, as such, but realising he needed to hold by his own belief that words mattered. He was used to being the one who blurted things out; truth and sarcasm and things which other people didn’t dare put a voice to. The one who said not-quite-the-right-thing at definitely-the-wrong-time. But there were people who thought of him differently. People like Jessica and Ana, those people who had heard the best of his words and who suspected his talent lay in saying exactly-the-right-thing at the perfectly-unexpected-right-time. He suspected the person he really was lay somewhere in the middle; capable of the right words but often letting his bluntness get in the way of them, never quite managing to shape his brand of honesty into anything other than a bitter pill. But Ana had told him his words had mattered to Kyle. His words had mattered to Kyle and they hadn’t been taken bitterly, hadn’t been difficult to swallow.

 

But, let’s be honest here, Bobby, since honesty is what you always demand of everyone else in your life; this isn’t just about words. _His kiss had mattered to Kyle._ It wasn’t supposed to matter. Not to either of them. It was a whim, a memory, a passing gift. But it had still mattered. And now that meant that Kyle mattered to him. And Kyle’s pain mattered to him. And he wanted desperately to help. But the problem with people mattering? You couldn’t say the wrong thing. You couldn’t blurt out a truth and not care if it hurt them. You had to know what they needed. You had to let them know they mattered, too, just in case your carefully chosen words went wrong. To reach out to Kyle meant risking it, it meant putting himself out there and not knowing for sure which side of his nature was going to come out to play. Because for all his good advice hits, he’d had plenty of misses, with people who didn’t understand his good intentions. He had no filter, no sixth sense that told him when he’d opened his mouth too wide, spoken too loudly. It didn’t bother him normally – most of the time, it didn’t matter to him what people thought of him, not really. He tried to help them and if they didn’t like what he had to say then to hell with them, let them figure out by themselves that they were throwing their lives away. After all, if they were the kinds of people to misunderstand him, then they would probably never survive a friendship with him, what with all his sidelong looks and meaningful sighs and that stupidly sharp tongue of his, so often used without discretion. But some people mattered more than others. Some people deserved the best of him – some people deserved to be rewarded with his silence, and really, did he want to risk interfering with someone who he had left just the right impression on?

 

Jessica woke when he came back in. Or at least, she mumbled something into a pillow and rolled over, eyes squinting as he turned on his bedside light. It was late, stupidly late, but she watched him a moment anyway, lying there as he collapsed next to her on the bed, his eyes on his phone even as he murmured a ‘Go back to sleep, Glitter Bug’ and kissed the top of her head. She offered him a sleepy smile and curled more tightly around the pillow, pulling it so that it was pressed against her body and squeezing it tightly. She lifted her head briefly, groggily studying the half-crescent of his face. He was ever-so-slightly turned away from her, his forehead creased in concentration, and she could see more clearly how tired he looked, how oddly still his body was. Bobby was constant movement, even when he was exhausted he seemed to vibrate somehow. But tonight he was just sitting, shoulders taught, eyes determined as he tapped something out on his phone. Jessica realised that restlessness was being forcibly pushed down, something she could tell from the tension in his spine and the way he strained slightly as he peered down at his phone’s screen. The shadows from his bedside lamp cast dapples of light across his skin, forming a soft outline of New York across his cheeks; he looked strange and beautiful, somehow not like himself, and Jessica inched closer to him, trying to see what he was doing. He flicked a glance her way as she shifted her weight, a lazy smirk twitching at his lips as he tipped his phone away.

‘Go back to sleep, Glitter Bug,’ he repeated in a whisper and Jessica laughed, flopping back down against the pillow reluctantly.

‘Who are you texting?’ she pressed, her hair falling across her face. Bobby’s smile turned soft but his eyes were back on his phone, flecks of gold shining there in a way she didn’t think she’d seen before.

‘Someone who needs a friend, that’s all.’ Through her eyelashes she could still make out his silhouette above her, his spine suddenly a little more relaxed. ‘Now will you go to sleep already? I don’t want you crabby in the morning.’ She offered him a small smile for that, before she drifted quickly back to sleep.

 

 

***

 

_‘I think I get it now. What you are, what you do: you pick up the stuff other people have let slip through the cracks. Conversations. Secrets. Moments.’ Tom looked down. ‘And people, too,’ he added quietly. ‘Kyle saw that in you – he told me about seeing the show in Boston, about you blowing him a kiss at curtain. And at first I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why it mattered.’ He swallowed hard. ‘But I get it now. Sometimes, when you’re sitting in the dark…it’s kind of nice to have someone look you in the eye and acknowledge you. It’s kind of nice to know that you being there actually matters. Sometimes it’s just…nice to think that maybe, even if you don’t ever get to say a word to that person again, you mattered. Even if it was just for a moment.’ Tom sniffed, looking back up and meeting Bobby’s eyes. ‘I’m glad I’ve got you in my show, Bobby. Not enough people know how to make moments into stories like you do…and it’s nice to know that there’s someone out there on stage every  night not letting those moments get away.’_

***

 

A low buzzing was what woke him up, not that he remembered even climbing into bed in the first place. Groaning, he rolled over onto his stomach and squinted around the room – half-bathed in light from the city outside and still but for the slight movement of his phone as it vibrated one last time against the floor. The phone gave up before Kyle had even processed that that had been the source of the noise, and the screen remained bright for just a moment more before peace descended on the room again. Kyle regarded it with a tired, confused frown, his eyes barely open and his head aching from lack of sleep. He stretched slightly, his hair falling, matted, across his face, before pushing himself slowly up from the bed, picking his way around the notecards and files he had left strewn there in order to collect his phone from the floor. One new message blinked up at him – unknown number. Yawning, Kyle let himself drop softly down to sit cross-legged on the floor; usually the only people who phoned him from unknown numbers in the early hours of the morning were ‘friends’ of Jimmy’s, letting him know that Jimmy had gone off the deep end and asking him to come fetch him and calm him down. But a glance over his shoulder confirmed that Jimmy was in for the night, the sound of his snores muffled but definitely there.

 

He couldn’t help his curiosity and he looked back down at his phone quickly, rubbing his eyes in order to focus properly on the text in front of him, already feeling slightly more alert than before. His brain took a moment to catch up with him – his lashes were still stuck together with sleep and it took him a second to make sense of what he was reading, but gradually the blur of text before him smoothed out to form actual words. The first thing to truly sink in was how the message had been signed off: _Bobby x_ followed by a pasted link. A sleepy laugh escaped him then, because seeing that suddenly altered everything, and now he could almost hear that ridiculous dry drawl of his in his head as he reread the whole message – and he realised that, had he been more awake, then he probably would have guessed the sender immediately, because really, those words sounded just like him – ‘Told you so. Congrats, Daydreamer’ – and who else would be brazen enough to track down his number and text him in the early hours, dancing along the edges of teasing, full of unexpected wisdom and affection like it was nothing. _Told you so._ Really, at half-past three in the morning, it shouldn’t be such a beautiful sentiment. But it was. _Typical Bobby_.

 

Kyle tilted his head to one side, reading the message back three times with a lopsided smile and swallowing down the emotion it provoked in him, trying to contain whatever mix of hope and affection it was that had stuttered back to life at those words. Because it’s complicated in a way he doesn’t expect it to be; thoughts of laughing with Tom and holding hands with Blake all coming to mind, and then, of course, the inevitable: _kissing Bobby_. That man was frightening and magical – and here he was, showing up on his mobile in the early hours of the morning, just to…just to what? Make him smile? Same reason he’d kissed him, right? God, _kissing Bobby._ He licked his lips instinctively, as if he half-expected to still find the taste of alcohol and honey lingering there. But no. Just his own cherry-flavoured lip balm – less cloying and somehow irritating to him now, like he’d somehow done something wrong by putting it on.

 

Sighing, he reread the message one more time, still smiling despite himself, before he finally followed the link at the bottom of the message, unable to deny his curiosity any longer – what was it Bobby was so sure he was right about, precisely? Kyle was smiling, but for all he knew the link could just be nonsense, the message could just be a jab. Somehow, Kyle couldn’t imagine it though. Slowly, his phone screen lit up with the banner of some obscure Broadway gossip blog – to find a site like that had to take some digging, Kyle suspected, because he was a regular on all the Broadway sites and yet this was completely unfamiliar to him, neither the look of its page-header nor the title recognisable, but, scrolling, he quickly realised why Bobby had sent him there; the post he had been taken to was headed up with a promotional photo of Karen, one that had been taken only a couple of days before, but it was the title which caught Kyle’s eye. _This Kid Can Tell A Story (Without Your Help, Hollywood.)_ Kyle felt another smile tugging at his lips and he allowed himself a moment of pride untainted by anything, a thrill of excitement running down his spine.

 

The rain drummed softly on the window outside, casting patterns across the room – Kyle could feel the shadows across his face. It was that weird time of the morning, that late-early time when you could stretch out your fingers and feel like it was tomorrow, when everything was still, quiet enough that you could make out the sound of the earth turning round beneath you. That lost time when you woke up with a feeling of devastation embedded in your chest and you couldn’t get it out.  But in that moment, Kyle forgot the time and place and the dull ache which usually permeated the three-in-the-morning-dark. All he could think of was Bobby’s voice calling him ‘Daydreamer’, the sound of it low and sharp on his tongue, his eyes glinting with fiendish excitement, like that was the best thing in the world a person could be.

 

Blowing out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding, Kyle skimmed his eyes over the post Bobby had linked him to. The start was the usual spiel, a plot summary and a few wry observations about Derek, Karen and the whole Bombshell debacle. But then Kyle saw it – saw what Bobby had thought was worth waking him up in the early hours of the morning for.

‘Whilst Wills’ direction and Cartwright’s voice may be what initially sells this show, should a Broadway run be in its future, it is definitely Bishop’s book which will allow the show to endure. From the few open rehearsals which have been held so far, it’s clear the book is still rough around the edges, but what would you expect from a first-time writer? And who cares, really, at a time when Broadway is in dire need of stories – and I mean stories which aren’t backed by a movie or a book. I want original stories, something which can come to matter to me in its own right, without the help of nostalgia. And trust me, this kid is doing it. This guy is trying to _tell us a story_ all of his own, and in his own way. And honestly? I want to hear it.’ Kyle whispered the words under his breath, as though they were a spell he was afraid of casting. He bit his lip to squash the grin which threatened to break out. ‘So there may be no set plans to take Hit List to Broadway…yet. But come on. The Broadway regulars would undoubtedly come in numbers to see Wills back to his best, and I have no doubt that the tourists would leave happy after hearing Jimmy Collins’ undeniably catchy songs. But if this show were to run and run, no-one could take more credit, surely, than Bishop himself. Bishop’s book gives us characters we want to care for, root for, and sometimes, root against. He makes you _feel something_. This is a story which will resonate long after you leave the theatre, and I, for one, am rooting for more of that to return to the Great White Way.’

 

Kyle let out a choked sound that wasn’t quite a laugh and wasn’t quite a yelp, staring down at his phone screen and rereading those words over and over, making sure he hadn’t misunderstood. How long had Bobby stayed up searching for that? And just to make him smile? Really? To make some daydreamer he’d barely met feel better? To prove he had meant it when he’d said he believed in him? The gesture was overwhelming in its sweetness, and startling in its power. A man who hardly knew him, and yet he’d done what no-one who knew him better had been able to do: restore his faith. Kyle sighed, running a hand through his tangled hair and trying to picture it; Bobby cross-legged across town, dark eyes dazzling and seeing everything, even from all those miles away. Revelling, no doubt, in proving his point. God, Kyle could almost hear him: _Told you so, Daydreamer – you know I’m always right, so go on, read it again, you’ll see_. Kyle laughed at the thought, though he couldn’t deny it felt good, warm. _Take a risk, Daydreamer, there are people out here rooting for you._ Now that, that was more than just his imagination, right? That was Bobby’s voice just then. Kyle opened his eyes and glanced around, but there was no chorus boy there, of course, and he sighed, looking back down at the open page on his phone and skimming over the post one more time. Bobby’s laugh was low and soft in the back of his mind.

 

It felt strange to be able to read something so good, so genuinely interested in _him_ – not in Jimmy or Karen or Derek, not in the scandal or the turbulence, the romance or the artistic temperaments. This was about him, and about the story he so badly wanted to tell. It felt so good to know that, after everything, he was learning to tell it the way he wanted to. He could do it now – he’d watched, listened, and learnt, and he could feel himself getting better. Yet it was still surreal, to know, without doubt, that this wasn’t just some cruel trick. He felt excited and grateful and overwhelmed, sure. But he also felt like someone had _understood._ Like this was something earned, rather than some fluke or trick or piece of luck. The thing was, in school, as much as kids had picked on him, as much as he’d felt like the odd one out, he’d still always had Jimmy to fight his battles for him, had always had him just over his shoulder, snarling and protective, so really, there hadn’t been much need to grow a spine of his own. It hadn’t occurred to him until later on, probably on some night when he was fishing Jimmy out of a gutter somewhere, that relying on a man with as many issues as Jimmy had was almost laughable in its absurdity. But then thinking that had just led to him feeling like a fool for ever making that mistake in the first place, and his self-confidence had suffered even more as a result. That was until Karen walked into his life – bringing chaos with her, sure. But also other things. Like Derek. And Ana. And Scott.

 

And then there was Bobby.

 

Kyle blinked, suddenly sitting up a little straighter, his mind immediately latching on to an idea. Closing the blog post, he quickly brought up YouTube on his phone screen, scrolling with swift fingers down a list of favourites until he found the one he was looking for. Copying and pasting the link into a text, he smiled to himself softly, his heart feeling tight in his chest from a mix of gratitude and genuine fondness (maybe even a little boyish nervousness, if he was honest, because Bobby scared him in a way he didn’t really understand.) ‘Thank you. Really. And don’t ever forget: chorus boys are pretty special too,’ Kyle murmured under his breath as he typed, then gave a little nod, pleased with his work. Quickly, before he got the chance to overthink it, he pressed send, dropping the phone immediately back down onto the floor and wincing a little at the loudness of it thudding against the ground in the dark.

 

The video was one he’d found just after he’d seen Bombshell in Boston. Oddly captivating, like everything else associated with Bobby. He must have watched it a hundred times before he’d even met the chorus boy, because Bombshell had done that thing shows did to him, imprinting itself on his soul and making him chase every chance he could find to get a little piece of that magic back. But then, he wouldn’t like to count how many times he’d watched it even since meeting Bobby, because there was still an amount of wonder in him, even now, when those people descended from the stage and they were _real._ And maybe it was even somehow more important to him now he knew Bobby offstage, because here was this person, this magical person, in the real world, touchable and tangible and alive. That reminder that there was a presence to the magic, that it wasn’t something unobtainable outside of a theatre…that was what made the video precious to him.

 

And sure, maybe it had also been his go-to in the moments of weakness where he’d wanted to get his number off Karen, to call him and see if there was more than just one kiss there. The silly thing was, the clip was only brief. It was someone’s blurry recording of Bombshell’s final Boston curtain call. The camera panned up and down the rows of ensemble members, jolting slightly as the person filming attempted to clap when the cast all took their final bow, Karen stepping back into the line and taking the hands of those standing beside her. She dipped in a curtsey as everyone else bowed, and at her side, one dark-haired chorus boy started to giggle, whispering something by her ear and getting a sharp elbow in his side in return even as Karen herself laughed along with him. After more clapping and acknowledgments, the cast bent down once more, that bittersweet rush of an ending seeping out through the pixels. When the cast rose from their last bow, their hands broke apart and they began to clap and wave to their audience, soaking in as much of that energy as they could before the curtain edged down before them. The camera began to skim across the row of cast members one last time. Only this time, whoever was filming couldn’t help but pan back halfway, the camera’s focus caught immediately by that laughing chorus boy again, his head briefly thrown back and his eyes flashing like he knew a secret. A girl beside him cheered excitedly, doing a little half-skip on the spot, and for a moment she had all his focus and he rested his head against hers briefly. But then he spotted the camera being trained on him from the second row. With a mischievous grin he tilted his body slightly, eyebrows quirked in a challenge as he leant his body back, his face all angles and his grin quick and sharp as he blew the camera a kiss. The person filming could be heard gasping in delight and whispering excitedly to an off-camera friend, and the chorus boy was smiling still as the curtain finally came down. He flashed the camera one last wink before he disappeared from view. There was just time to see his smile soften and it was easy to see in that moment that that was what he lived for. Whoever was filming obviously caught the genuine warmth of the look too, because they let out another squeak, suddenly forgetting the camera and clapping enthusiastically, the video becoming a blur of red velvet and fractured noise. As the clip faded out into pixels and darkness, it was just possible to hear an ecstatic whisper of ‘That has made my week, Kat!’ as the video came to an end. The comments below were full of how sweet a gesture it had been, but it was one in particular which Kyle hoped Bobby would see: ‘People like that are what make the theatre special – the guys who remember these little moments count to the audience! Theatre’s there to make you believe in magic as much as anything else.’

 

Everything was bathed in a thin lilac haze of dawn light the next time Kyle was woken up by the sound of his phone buzzing against the floor. When he’d staggered back to bed, he’d taken it with him, cradling it anxiously in the hope that Bobby might just text him back, but he had obviously dropped it since, probably a result of his fitful, anxious sleep as he began to doubt his own boldness in sending Bobby that reply. He had to squint blearily into the room to see where it had come to rest, just slightly away from the head of his bed, and he reached for it with a forced slowness, trying to tell himself he didn’t care if the text was from Bobby or not, that he didn’t care what it said even if it was from him anyway. He rolled onto his back, holding the phone close to his face and biting his bottom lip.

 

_One kiss._

 

Kyle felt a tiny smile creep onto his lip and he closed his eyes, resting the phone against his chest and taking a moment to try and even out his breaths. He laughed softly, his whole body full-up suddenly as he tried to flatten out the grin that had now spread across his face. One kiss. No words, no conversation. But he didn’t need it; he understood – and there was something gorgeous about that fact that Bobby had trusted him to. There was just something gorgeous about Bobby, though, wasn’t there – his closeness and his distance, his sweetness and his sharpness. Kyle blew out a breath and rolled over onto his side. Alcohol and honey and the faintest traces of lip balm and cinnamon; there was a story in that somewhere, he thought, distantly. Yes. A story of someone who was built out of edges and glass, full of stories and magic. And his kisses tasted like alcohol and honey and lip balm and cinnamon, and he held conversations just out of everyone else’s grasp.

 

 

***

 

_‘I loved him like you love a secret. Like a secret or…or a star, you know? From a distance. And in a lot of words that weren’t ever going to be said. And I’m not saying I knew him and I’m not saying it was actual love like a real relationship or that he was the love of my life or that how I feel even comes close to how you’re feeling right now. But I did love him…in a way that meant something to me. And I know…it mattered. As crappy as it all feels right now, that thing we had? Whatever it was? It mattered, to me. And maybe to him too. And who’s gonna remember that if I don’t? Who’s going to know that he meant anything if we all just crawl off into our bedrooms and never talk about him again?’ Bobby shrugged, looking down. ‘The mattering…the memories? That stuff doesn’t go away just coz he has. And, honestly? You have to wear your scars like a badge of honour, Jimmy. Stop keeping secrets, stop not saying the words. Go out there and say that it fucking sucks that this thing happened and that this amazing kid you loved and who loved you is dead. Do anything, scream it if you want, whatever. But don’t do this…don’t just give up. You can’t just throw yourself in front of a car for the sake of finding out whether he hurt for those last few seconds – don’t even think about that stuff. Don’t torture yourself.’ Bobby sighed. ‘You’ll drive yourself insane if that’s how you remember him, you know. And honestly, is that really all you want to give other people to remember him by? Your broken bones, your blood on the road? A bit more broken glass? Who is that helping, exactly? If you do that, then all you’ll be is another dead kid. And all those memories? They’ll become stories you never get to tell again. Then who exactly is it that you expect to be around to remember him in all those ways that only you two ever knew? How will anyone know how much he mattered, then, if you’re gone too? If you never leave your bed again, if you jump off a building or get off your head or whatever it is you’re thinking right now…if you do that? Those conversations are gone. Forever. It’s as if they never even happened, actually. And no-one can ever bring them back after that. So…suck it up already, Crazy. Get over yourself and get on with it, ok? Because yeah, it sucks. And it hurts. And yeah, you want to die and you wish you could see him again. But the fact is: he needs you now – so step the hell up, already. Cry your eyes out then get up tomorrow and do something. Make up for every time you ever let him down and prove everybody wrong about you. Coz the bonus? If you do that, then you prove Kyle right. And that’s something good for us all to remember him by, don’t you think? Honestly, I think that would be the best tribute of all, actually. Coz we could all do with remembering to believe in magic and second chances. If you stopped being mad at the world for five minutes, then you could make people see that. How amazing would that be if that was you best friend’s legacy?’_

 

***


	10. The Ones Which Got Away From Us [Part Two]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's part two. In case anyone would like to know, the song Bobby sang to Dennis the night they met which Dennis refers to here is Slow Dancing In A Burning Room by John Mayer. It's not really relevant I guess but hey! Parts of this were written at like 5am so....sorry if they didn't turn out so well...but I was still somehow pretty pleased with this little lot. Especially Bobby and Dennis...so yeah, I hope you enjoy!

The backstage air always smelt of make-up and mothballs in the late afternoons. It was one of those curious facts you learnt at your first job and never forgot, something you came to take comfort in amidst the shifts and chaos of Broadway. Like the low buzz of whispered conversations in corridors, the dull vibration of technicians and assistants murmuring into walkie-talkies, and the swish of dancers doing stretches in dressing room doorways. There’s a feel to a theatre in the late afternoon, and every chorus boy and girl, Broadway star and swing, knows it. It’s something which has always made Jessica smile. Bobby was the first one to point that out to her, the first one to touch his little finger to the corner of her lips fondly and tell her she had a specific smile when she pushed through a stage door. So, even though she’s late and it’s opening night, she still takes a moment to stand in the doorway and appreciate it, rolling her eyes slightly as she remembers Bobby’s soft laugh, the feeling of him poking her in the ribs, his eyes sparkling. _You’re still six years old at heart, Glitter Bug_ – she’d never forgotten the way he’d said that, because it had so clearly been a compliment. The usual hard edge to his words hadn’t been there, replaced instead by a tenderness that stemmed from the dreamer in him, the side of him that loved the theatre more than his lungs loved oxygen. Jessica smiled to herself and moved out of the doorway, signing in swiftly and taking the stairs to the dressing room at a half-jog. She wasn’t sure where Bobby was or how much earlier than everyone else he’d turned up to the theatre, but she wanted to find him, an urge to hug him tight bubbling up within her.

 

There was a thrill in the air of the upstairs corridors, though Jessica knew from experience that that was at least partially due to the promise of the opening night party; the chance to dress up and drink champagne until the early hours with the full approval and backing of their creative team was not something which any actor would take lightly. Broadway was tough, but it had its perks, Jessica thought with a chuckle, rounding the corner to the girls’ dressing room and shifting the weight of her bags on her shoulders, heaving the garment bag up a little in order not to trip over it, aware of the fact she had no back-up plan if she ruined her after-party outfit now. She was surprised not to find Bobby leaning up against the doorframe, beady eyes knowing and amused as he tapped at an imaginary watch and shook his head. Instead, the only person there to greet her was Sue, who was sitting a little way down the corridor, talking in a murmur on her phone – she offered Jessica a smile as she passed her.

‘You have a visitor,’ Sue told her, arching one perfectly manicured eyebrow as she covered the phone with her hand, and Jessica frowned slightly, looking over to the dressing room door in confusion. She was about to ask Sue for more information, but when she turned back to her friend she was already absorbed in her phone conversation once more, so, with a sigh, she pressed on, cautiously pushing on the dressing room door and peering around it.

 

‘I hope you don’t mind – the Chorus Boy let me in.’

‘Daddy!’ Jessica was through the door and across the room in a heartbeat, shedding bags carelessly from her shoulders as she went, and she barrelled into her father at speed, throwing her arms delightedly around his neck. ‘I thought you had meetings all day,’ she said into the crook of his neck, and the feel of his fond laugh vibrated through her as she squeezed him.

‘You really think I wouldn’t find the time to wish my best girl good luck before opening night?!’ he beamed in reply, finally setting her down and kissing the top of her head.

 

Jessica’s dad was six foot five with broad shoulders and a smart sweep of salt-and-pepper hair, and she had had him wrapped around her little finger from the moment she’d been born. She’d always adored her father, and one of her earliest memories was of him leaving for a business trip, her hugging his legs and crying her eyes out, making him over an hour late for his flight. He loved the theatre almost as much as she did, and he had never missed a single school play, dance recital, out-of-town-try-out or Broadway show she had been involved with. He was charming and smart and fiercely protective of his daughter and there were only two things they had ever argued over: him divorcing her mother and him marrying Sarah. Still, he always forgave her every sharp remark and she always pretended to smile in Sarah’s presence, saving her complaining for phone sessions with Bobby the moment her dad was out of earshot. Not that Bobby was always on her side; he and her father were alarmingly friendly, and her father made a point to go to as many shows of Bobby’s as he could, frequently inviting Bobby to join them for father-daughter dinners and never forgetting his birthday. ‘I’m sorry I was too late for tickets for tonight, Sweetheart,’ her dad smiled and Jessica rolled her eyes fondly, shaking her head.

‘You don’t want to come to opening night – it never ends prettily when Bobby’s around.’

‘Oh really?’

‘Really. It’ll end in the two of us standing on chairs in the middle of a bar somewhere with glasses in our hands, singing off-key.’ She shrugged at her dad’s sceptical expression. ‘He’s a bad influence on me,’ she added with a nod and a sly smile and her father chuckled.

‘There did seem to be a certain gleam in his eyes when I ran into him at stage door this morning. I put it down to the fact he hadn’t had his morning coffee yet.’

‘Urgh, Bobby’s under-caffeinated?’ Jessica said, wrinkling her nose, her eyes sparkling mischievously. ‘You should probably count yourself lucky he didn’t throw a tap shoe at your head or something.’ Her dad laughed and Jessica stuck her tongue out at him. ‘Seriously, I’m starting to think he loves you more than me.’

‘Actually, Sweetheart, I’m pretty sure you’re Bobby’s favourite person in the world,’ her dad countered, leaning back against the dressing table.

 

He fixed her with his piercing blue eyes then, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. ‘And speaking of Bobby: he told me you and Jake were talking again.’ He quirked his eyebrows at her and Jessica shot him a half-hearted glare in response.

‘He shouldn’t have told you that,’ she replied, trying to sound annoyed but realising she just didn’t have the strength of feeling to sell it.

‘Go easy on him. He’s been a good friend to you over the years. I asked him how you were, he tried to lie to me…then I broke him down with my Concerned Parent stare. He thinks he’s tough but actually he’s a pussy cat,’ her dad chuckled, shaking his head slightly, and Jessica couldn’t hide her fond smile, shaking her head in resignation and leaning her weight against her dad’s shoulder with a sigh.

‘True. But aren’t pussy cats supposed to have claws?’ she remarked. Her dad simply smiled and leant in close.

‘Jessie, I’ve never known anyone not related to you by blood who loved you as much as that boy loves you. Try and remember that next time you’re berating him,’ he said.

 

She laughed and he straightened up a little, his expression softening. ‘Actually, I think even the stupidest act on his part would probably stem from a well-intentioned place,’ her dad added then and Jessica tried to suppress her grin, but he knew her too well and he elbowed her lightly. ‘See, you know it too. In fact, we both know he has a heart of gold behind that steely glare. Now, Jake, on the other hand…you know me and Bobby remember the last time, Sweetheart. We’re always going to be on our guard when you and him get talking.’

‘I know. And I get it, I do. But you really need to stop worrying about me, Dad. I’m a big girl, I can look after myself.’

‘To me you’ll always be five…in pigtails and still small enough to be carried round on my shoulders. And, with that in mind…do I need to be worried about you and Jake? Should I be dusting off my Angry Dad speeches or does Bobby have this one covered?’ Jessica laughed at him, giving him a half-hearted shove.

‘Pretty sure Bobby’s got it covered, Dad. Have you ever seen him on the rampage? It’s pretty amazing to watch, actually. It’s almost worth letting someone piss him off just to watch him go – he’d give your best Angry Dad speech a run for its money, I swear.’ She looked up at her dad who was still staring her down with those beady eyes of his. For a terrifying moment she could almost make out the same glint that Bobby’s eyes held; that knowing, determined shine that was dangerous and beautiful and saw everything. But then the moment passed, and he was just her dad again, his blue eyes gentler than Bobby’s brown ones would ever be. ‘Come on, it’s just talking, Dad, I swear. I’ve learnt my lesson about Jake, ok? We’re talking again but it’s all texts and Twitter and it doesn’t mean anything – I’m done with his nonsense, promise. Now stop fussing and give me another hug.’

 

Ten minutes later and her dad was gone, out into the cool afternoon air with a promise to come and see the show again soon, the worry still not entirely gone from his expression. She stood and watched him hail a cab, traced the path of it as it disappeared up the street for a while before sighing and heading back inside. It occurred to her then just how quiet it was back there, the stillness and the lack of movement jarring her. No shrieking, no laughter – and she knew the reason why. Her best friend was conspicuous by his absence and the calmness made her feel restless: time to track him down. Fiddling with the silver cat pendent around her neck, she bit her lip, trying to think where he might have got to if he wasn’t in any of the dressing rooms. He wouldn’t leave the theatre, that was for sure, but that didn’t narrow down the number of hiding places quite enough. It didn’t take long for a thought to occur her though, because figuring Bobby out came as naturally to her as breathing. It was still a while before the company warm-up, but Jessica headed for the stage anyway.

 

Bobby loved a stage. It was one of the first things Jessica had learnt about him. But he didn’t just love a stage to perform on – he loved looking out into an empty auditorium from a half-lit stage door. It was one of the first places where she’d seen that light in his eyes shift and soften. She remembered how much it had endeared him to her; realising that he still believed in impossible things. When he looked out over the red velvet and gold of an auditorium, there was always a genuine reverence in his eyes, an understanding in the way his voice would drop to a rough whisper. Jessica suspected it was a mark of recognition as much as it was a mark of respect; something in his soul recognised the dull thrum of energy which came from a stage, recognised that capacity for creating magic, because it lived in him as much as it lived in the red and gold of the Broadway auditoriums. She’d even tried to tell him once, when they’d both been drunk and he’d been feeling uncharacteristically down on himself, but he’d refused to meet her eyes, dismissing her with a shrug. ‘I like stages coz I’m a show off, actually.’ God, it was sad to hear him dismiss himself like that – because, the terrifying part was, back then he meant those things more than he meant his boasts, back then he suspected there was very little to him beneath the surface, that it was all just an illusion he’d constructed for himself to justify the things he did. Nothing she’d said that night had changed his mind. He was simultaneously the most confident and the most uncertain person she knew, when they’d first met and for some brief periods in between. But still, Bobby loved a stage. Bobby felt he belonged on a stage; dancing, laughing, idly kicking his legs back and forth, dangling a hand over the edge the same way little kids dip their fingers into the ocean.

 

And that’s how she found him; idling on the stage, his weight shifted back onto his hands as he kicked his legs out in front of him, dangling them over the edge. People moved around him, but Jessica’s eyes stayed on the hum of his body as it twisted into a nonchalant pose, the light hitting him at new angles now and then, the shadows shifting behind him as the stage lights clashed with the houselights, changing the colours and patterns of his outline, catching a different line of his profile. He looked huge and tiny all at once, sitting out there on his own, just enough space around him to make him the sole focus should anyone pause and glance up from either the auditorium or the wings. Jessica stilled a moment, watching him, tracing his shape, which was framed against the backdrop of velvet and the high, domed ceiling. His whole being screamed ‘look at me’ and she was sure that should be more obnoxious than it was. But no, instead it was just strangely enchanting. She smiled and crossed the stage as quietly as she could manage, sitting down beside him wordlessly and bumping her shoulder lightly against his in greeting before mirroring his pose.

 

‘You’ve been telling tales to my dad, Mister.’ Her voice was soft, even in the peace of the auditorium, and neither one of them looked at the other, both instead choosing to watch as people milled about in the stalls. Out of the corner of her eye, Jessica could just make out Bobby’s profile, could see the curve of his smile at the sound of her words. It made her smile too – wry and amused – and she shook her head slightly, leaning even more of her weight back onto her hands with a contented sigh. The calm of it made her feel suddenly and strangely grown up; the opening night excitement was there, but there was something else too, a sense of surety and security that came of being with Bobby on a stage. The quiet confidence radiated off him, magnified under the whirr of the stage lights, and it rolled off him and over her. They had grown up together in all the ways which were important, hadn’t they? And now here they were. This was how things were supposed to be.

 

‘I should be so pissed off at you,’ she added then, in a low, amused voice, turning to look at him, her ponytail swishing behind her. She watched him for a moment, watched the twist of his lips as he forced them to purse in an attempt to hide his grin. The action was so unashamed, so _Bobby_. And she wanted to be mad at him, wanted to want to stick up for Jake and for her privacy and for her best friend to not be all-too-comfortable with talking to her father about their lives. But she found she couldn’t even muster any real irritation. Because sure, maybe he wasn’t the person who had been in her life the longest. But he was the person who had been in it the most consistently, the only person she could think of who had walked alongside her, matching her stumble for stumble. And there were definitely worse things he could have told her dad. She felt her muscles relax a little and she smiled. ‘It is nice, though. Just…having someone around who knows all my secrets and what to do with them,’ she said softly, and Bobby glanced over at her then, his smile quiet and his dark eyes lit with flecks of gold. She shrugged at him, squirming slightly under his knowing look, and he let out a soft, barely-perceptible laugh, flashing her a wink before turning his gaze back out to the auditorium. Jessica wrinkled her nose and smacked him lightly on the arm. ‘Stop smiling, you big idiot. I know all your secrets too, remember,’ she laughed, but Bobby’s smile didn’t falter.

‘Oh sure, you think you do,’ he muttered slyly and Jessica smacked him again, biting back a laugh. Bobby’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he sniggered and she shook her head at him fondly, leaning back on her hands with a sigh.

‘You’re maddening.’

‘Yeah, but only the best friends are, Glitter Bug,’ he countered, his voice simultaneously gentle and amused.

 

They lapsed into silence for a while, both of them watching the small army of theatre staff do a check of the stalls. Up in the mezzanine, Linda was standing with one of the lighting technicians, pointing down to something below and rubbing at her temple, frowning. Down in the orchestra pit, the musical director was already sitting at a keyboard, scribbling notes onto a score whilst the first of the orchestra drifted in around him, dumping instruments beneath seats and nodding brief greetings before disappearing once more. At the sound desk, three technicians were arguing with some distant voice on the other end their walkie-talkies, whilst a forth stood in the theatre’s central aisle listening intently to his headset and making complicated signals with his hands to someone out of Jessica’s view. To her right she could see Bobby with his head on one side as he watched one of the theatre staff do battle with a broken seat in the front row.

 

‘You know, when me and Dean were in Billy Elliot together, he used to have this girl who’d come to the stage door for him. He still knows her, actually, and they’re like…firm friends and whatever, but that’s a completely different story.’ He offers the information suddenly, and Jessica glances over at him in surprise, but his eyes are distant and his mouth is still open ever-so-slightly, the rest of the story waiting to be told as Bobby takes a moment to wet his lips. ‘He invited her to lunch with us after a matinee one time, coz she still kept up with some people from the last show he did and they got talking  and catching up, so for once no-one was remotely interested in my gossip.’ Bobby smiled, letting out a soft chuckle and looking down. ‘I knew she meant something to him though, coz he hugged her and called her ‘Hon’ – and you know what Dean is like…the least touchy-feely person ever, and yeah, he’s also the sweetest, but we’d known each other a long time by that point and  he still wasn’t that soft with me, or anyone who wasn’t his girlfriend, actually, so, yeah, I didn’t whine that much about it, let them talk, got coffee with them, laughed at all Dean’s stories about his last show. But then this girl…she finally properly noticed me, reintroduced herself and we got talking. And so I asked her for the full story, you know, about why she poured so much of her life and her money into turning up just to see Dean say his one line and then drop back into the ensemble. And I am not kidding you, that girl…her eyes just lit up. She launched into this explanation, about how Dean was the first person from a show she’d ever talked to at stage door and how the whole world of the theatre had sucked her in the moment she’d started meeting people offstage and learning our ‘language’ and whatever, you know? And then she said…she said ‘Theatres are the closest thing most people ever get to extraordinary, impossible things’…and she was smiling, but it was…it was sad, actually. I asked her why she looked like she was about to cry and she laughed and she gave me this dazzling smile and then shrugged like it was obvious.’ Bobby bit his lip and Jessica nudged him.

‘And?’ she prompted after a beat, and the corner of Bobby’s lips twitched, forming a bittersweet smile which she just knew was a copy of the one that Dean’s girl at stage door must have given.

‘She told me it was coz theatres are the most transient places on earth – you get all these wonderful nights that never come round again and that’s…that’s _so_ sad, you know? Coz it’s just lost, in a way. But it’s kind of amazing, too.’

 

Bobby’s smile widened, briefly, and he shook his head. ‘Then she started talking about this theory she had about theatre walls holding all those nights like secrets.’ He chuckled. ‘She went: ‘Can you imagine, if a theatre was ever quiet or still for long enough? It’d be like that moment when the overture creeps into the darkness of the stalls – all the secrets just filling the air up.’ For some reason the sound of her laugh when she said ‘I bet those secrets look gold in the dark’ always stuck with me. It was one of those moments where you realise that…for all the drama and the craziness or whatever…we do something pretty special and important, you know? We’re part of giving people those ‘impossible’ moments she just lived for.’ Bobby shrugged, squirming slightly, and Jessica’s smile widened, an excitement creeping over her at the thought. ‘You know there are nine hundred and twenty-two seats in this place? Every last one of them is gonna be filled tonight,’ Bobby added quietly, looking back out towards the auditorium. Jessica followed his eyeline, nodding slowly, her eyes glittering.

‘And all it takes is one person sitting out there in the dark, listening…right?’ she murmured and Bobby grinned at the recognition in her voice.

‘ _Exactly_ ,’ he breathed, brown eyes twinkling, and Jessica reached across to give his arm a brief squeeze as the two of them raised their gazes up to the domed ceiling, taking a moment to contemplate what colour their own secrets might be when mixed in with all the other stories the Lily Hayes’ walls held. ‘Anything can happen in a theatre…how scary is that, Glitter Bug?’ Bobby licked his lips, his smile devilish and distant. ‘How _amazing_ is that?’

 

It was the sound of Bobby’s phone buzzing in his hand which finally broke the spell that had settled over them. Jessica couldn’t help but tilt her head towards Bobby as he looked down at the screen, her curiosity getting the better of her as he held the phone in his lap and let out a long breath which she was surprised he had been holding. A dart of his fingers and she saw the screen change, a message being pulled up. There was suddenly a tenseness to his shoulders, to the way he held his body, and he began to bite on his bottom lip, staring down at the phone, brown eyes shadowy, for longer than it could possibly have taken to read the text.

 

Jessica regarded him with mild concern for a minute before giving in to her curiosity and concern, silently reaching over to take the phone from his hand. To her surprise Bobby put up no resistance, and she regarded him with mild alarm. He was uncharacteristically placid about being parted from his beloved phone – something he never let her take from him without at least a play-fight – and it was almost child-like the way he sat and waited for her to read the message for herself, his eyes staring ahead as he continued chewing on his bottom lip. But when Jessica finally looked down at the screen, understanding hit her immediately and she let out a soft, sympathetic sigh.

‘Dennis,’ she said quietly, scanning the text. It was brief; he called Bobby ‘Chorus Boy’ and wished him good luck for opening night, signing it with a single kiss and a ‘Bambi’. Yet as brief as the message was, it was still somehow heavy and loaded, all hidden meaning and significance. Maybe it was as close as they’d ever get to the conversation they ought to have, the one that stayed just out of their reach – Bobby too stubborn and Dennis too shy for them to broach what had happened between them. And maybe a part of Jessica didn’t really want them to have that conversation, hurt on Bobby’s behalf and filled with a righteous conviction that Bobby deserved so much better.

 

Jessica looked over at Bobby again, tracing the lines of his face with gentle blue eyes. ‘Have you two actually talked since…’ she trailed off and Bobby smirked humourlessly, drawing a pattern on his thigh with the tip of a finger.

‘He’s tried to call me a couple of times…sent some texts, but…’ Bobby shook his head and sighed. ‘Most people can believe what the hell they like about me, you know? And I don’t care. But there’s just some people who should know me better, you know? I choose those people and…I don’t choose them easily. But Dennis…I let him close, Jess. Really fucking close. And he…he should’ve known.’ Jessica squeezed his arm and she felt him lean his weight against her slightly. ‘I forgive everyone, eventually. And they get used to it, and they think it doesn’t hurt. So they do it again. When most people fuck it up though…it doesn’t matter…but… _he_ _matters_. He matters too much for me to keep forgiving him.’

‘You still love him,’ Jessica whispered, the realisation a statement rather than a question.

‘Yeah,’ Bobby replied after a beat, his voice quiet but not uncertain. ‘You want to know another secret?’ Bobby chuckled dryly and Jessica lifted her head briefly to look up at his face; the corners of his lips were downturned but his eyes were amber and bright. ‘I’ve been in love with him since that New Year’s we all spent together, do you remember? He kept telling me ‘I like your words, Bobby. I like your stories.’ And he got the giggles and he couldn’t stop for forever. That was the night I learned you could make him blush if you looked at him right out the corner of your eye and arched your eyebrow. Or, you know, you could just tell him a dirty joke. And then he told me what he felt like when he danced and how much he loved ballet when he was twelve…then we made up complicated backstories, one sentence each, for every stranger we could see from our spot at the bar. I figured out that you can tell he’s stuck on something by this one little line on his forehead – you only see it when he gets frustrated. And he can’t keep a poker face for anything. I learnt that that night too. He laughed in the face of this totally baffled bartender when I whispered stories about him in his ear – it was the sweetest, stupidest thing I’ve ever seen.’

‘You didn’t kiss him at midnight, though.’

‘No. I kissed you. And he kissed Ivy – I watched him out the corner of my eye for the rest of the night. Then we all went back to yours and he slept on the couch and I woke him up way too early with pancakes…and I still didn’t kiss him.’

‘And all those years later he just came up and kissed you…totally out of the blue?’

‘Yeah…and he tasted like strawberries. And was a little bit less scared for a day or so.’ Bobby swallowed and pulled a face. ‘And yeah…I still call him Bambi. And he hates it. But it always makes him smile – he’s always wanted a nickname. I know that too.’ Jessica smiled and Bobby caught her eye, smiling back lopsidedly and shrugging. ‘He loves stories as much as I do.’

‘ _I like your words, Bobby. I like you stories_ ,’ Jessica repeated in a murmur, a slow, fond understanding coming over her. ‘And you like his stories too,’ she said and Bobby grinned, meeting her eyes, his expression grateful and his smile reassuringly wide. Jessica nudged him lightly in the side, smiling back at him and flashing him a quick wink. He laughed, kissing the top of her head affectionately.

‘I _so_ didn’t plan on talking about this today,’ he said into her hair, and Jessica smiled in amusement, curling a little closer to him by way of reassurance.

 

Bobby’s skin was warm against her cheek as he pulled her tightly to him. There was always a smell of bananas and cinnamon which lingered on his clothes and it made her smile. The two of them were both laughing – Bobby giggling silently, his body humming with it – and they elbowed each other in the ribs, squirming like two six year olds and forgetting where they were completely. Jessica was the first of the two to come up for air, glancing over her shoulder with a sudden self-consciousness, smacking Bobby on the arm when he teased her. The stage had filled up a lot whilst they’d been talking, people arriving early and forming small groups, standing and sitting about chatting as they waited for the warm-up to begin. Towards the back Sue was already stretching – always precise and efficient, she was their cast’s dance captain, and she took her role frighteningly seriously, and Jessica knew that she would take no prisoners whenever she finally got her first chance to lead the company warm-up at the Lily Hayes.

 

Twisting against Bobby’s grip, Jessica strained to see any sign of Ivy, but Bobby had tightened his hold on her and she had to give up, another laugh escaping her as he wrestled with her.

‘Get off me,’ she protested weakly, breathless and laughing, but Bobby simply cackled harder, falling back and pulling her down on top of him. ‘God, I hate you,’ she groaned, finally managing to break free from his arms and pushing herself up, trying to get to her feet. Once she was standing, she smiled down at Bobby brightly, her eyes twinkling with affection as she looked down at her best friend, who was still giggling like a little kid who’d just managed to get one-up on his big sister.

‘If you meant that, you would’ve ditched me a long time ago, Glitter Bug,’ he pointed out, slowly rolling onto his stomach and stretching, letting out a long yawn. ‘Urgh, so I guess they really are making us do a show tonight then?’ he said dryly as he surveyed the scene, his thin lips quirking into a smirk as he flicked a glance up at Jessica. She shook her head with fond exasperation.

‘Please, even you wouldn’t want to miss out on opening night,’ she countered and Bobby’s eyes gleamed with mischief as he finally pushed himself to his feet, bumping his hip against hers and arching an eyebrow.

‘Maybe not. But I thought they might at least let us cut straight to the after-party,’ he told her and Jessica laughed, wrapping an arm around his waist. She stood on tiptoe and pressed a kiss to his cheek, leaning in conspiratorially.

‘All it takes is one person out there in the dark, remember,’ she whispered and Bobby’s smile softened as he looked down and met her gaze. He leant his forehead against hers, kissing her nose, and he was close enough for her to count every colour in his eyes.

‘Well then let’s make this theatre’s secrets _golden_ tonight,’ he replied.

 

 

 

***

 _‘Give Bobby a stage and he’ll give you a show,’ Jessica said firmly, sitting down by Karen and ignoring her sceptical look. ‘But give Bobby a_ chance _, and he’ll give you more of his stories, a lot of his attitude…and also? He’ll give you his total loyalty. On his terms, in his own way…but I promise you, you won’t regret it, ok? And if you actually want to make on Broadway? It really can’t hurt to listen to him. I promise you. You could do a lot worse than pay attention to my Chorus Boy, Iowa. He’s one of a kind. Ask anybody in this town.’_

***

 

 

Kyle juddered to a halt at the top of the stairs leading down to Bombshell’s opening night party. His hand was resting lightly on the bannister, his lips just parted; he could feel his breath hitch, a sudden tightness in his chest. There was that familiar ache, the post-show thrum (part headache, part giddy rush, the echoes of those last soaring notes of the finale still dancing through his bones) but it was dulled the moment he took in the scene before him. The room glowed a dim gold, heat and laughter making the vast space seem smaller. Conversation and soft music mingled in the heavy air, the sound of glasses chinking rippled over the tops of people’s heads. Kyle let out a small laugh, the sound slightly strangled, and his lips twitched as he tried to stifle the disbelieving grin which threatened to spread across his face. It was strange, but all this time – working on Hit List, meeting Karen’s friends – it had never occurred to him that this was _his_ world now too, that he’d been invited into this circle, the other-side-of-the-curtain-circle with these people who made spells in the air for a living. These people – these _theatre_ people, these _firework_ people – were present and real and human in a whole new way and, standing there on the staircase, looking down at the glitter of Bombshell’s opening night party, it suddenly occurred to Kyle that…it wasn’t over when the curtain came down any more, and it wasn’t over when the stage door was locked behind the last of the cast’s departing backs. No. Now, this was his life. _This was his life_.

 

He turned the thought over in his head for a moment, his eyes still bright, scanning the crowd and instinctively picking out people he recognised from the show, and those who, even if he didn’t recognise them, he just knew had their name written in a Playbill somewhere. The air around them hummed and they caught the light in a way which other people – the _not_ theatre people, the _not_ firework people – just couldn’t, didn’t and never wanted to. They had their own language, their own way of moving, existed in schedules and hierarchies which carried on in parallel to the rest of the world, never quite touching the ground. And Kyle hadn’t even noticed himself falling into step with them.

 

‘You actually going down there at any point or are you just gonna stand here all night and watch them having fun without you?’ Kyle jumped slightly at the sound of Jimmy’s voice behind him, and he glanced over his shoulder to see him standing one step above him, eyebrows raised, a sarcastic smile colouring his lips. Kyle met his eyes and gave him his best attempt at a glare, shaking his head before turning his eyes back to the party.

‘Shut up. I was having a moment, ok? That’s all.’

‘Oh yeah? Coz it looked to me a lot like you were chickening out of going down there,’ Jimmy shot back dryly, coming down a step to stand at Kyle’s side and nudging his shoulder in a gesture of brotherly teasing and affection.

 

When Jimmy was like this it reminded Kyle why they were still friends despite everything, why he fought so hard when Jimmy was on a downward spiral; this was the Jimmy he was protecting, trying to preserve through all the crappy things which happened to him (and because of him.) He tried to shoot him another glare but when his and Jimmy’s eyes met he caved instantly, flashing him a smile instead.

‘I’m not chickening out,’ he said firmly and Jimmy laughed.

‘Oh, sure.’

‘ _I’m not_. I was just…you know, it just finally occurred to me that this is really happening to us. This is really happening right now…all because of our show,’ Kyle sighed, looking out over the party and beginning to gnaw on his bottom lip once more. ‘I just…I can’t believe we actually made it. That thing we scribbled in old notebooks for years? It changed _everything_. Don’t you think that’s crazy?’

‘Maybe…but, come on, man. You deserve this, Kyle. You got us here…you earned this night. And our opening night too…you deserve that even more,’ Jimmy told him softly. Kyle’s lips curved up at the corners and he turned his eyes down, enjoying the feeling of one of Jimmy’s rare compliments.

‘We _both_ deserve it, Jimmy,’ he corrected quietly.

‘Yeah…I’m not so sure about that,’ Jimmy admitted with a sigh, and Kyle elbowed him lightly. Jimmy still didn’t look at him though, his brow furrowed and his eyes downcast. ‘No, I mean it, Kyle. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. I might not even be _alive_ if it wasn’t for you, honestly. But you? You would’ve made it on your own. You’re a good person, Kyle. You would’ve got here with half the hassle without me screwing your life up all the time…pissing off all your other friends…picking fights.’

‘Hey: I wouldn’t have made it _out of high school_ without you, Jimmy,’ Kyle said, his voice firm and earnest and edged with more history than either of them should really be old enough to have. ‘You’ll always be my best friend, ok? We’re a team, yeah? Even when I’m mad at you, I’d rather have you on my side, pissing off my friends, than be here on my own.’ Jimmy smiled at that but he didn’t reply and Kyle simply bumped his shoulder against him once, forcing a low chuckle out of him, before turning his eyes back out towards the party.

 

There was a group of ensemble members gathered right in the centre of the room, and when a crowd at the foot of the stairs shifted, it was possible to see that the gaggle of cast members were all clustered around their star; Ivy Lynn stood, flanked by a tall, elegant black woman and an even taller blonde. Kyle watched for a moment as she hugged some of the group, offering effusive thanks through tense-lipped smiles. He deduced that she was worrying about the reviews in an instant; considering just how brilliant an actress she was, her brave face was painfully brittle, and he felt a powerful pang of sympathy for her. He doesn’t know her, but he recognises a fellow breath-holder when he sees one and he understands that fear. After a moment, though, her whole face suddenly changed, lighting up. Some of the shadow seemed to fall away from her, something shifting in her eyes as she stood up a little straighter, her gaze on something just obscured from where Kyle is standing. Her whole body had become stiller and a more real smile broke across her face, changing the whole atmosphere of their group, so much so that even Jimmy looked across towards the commotion, finally stopping scanning the room for any sign of Karen and following Kyle’s gaze instead. Ivy pointed straight in front of her in a come-hither gesture, cocking her hip playfully; her smile was lively but even from where he was standing, Kyle could see a certain vulnerability in the honesty of that expression, and there was unmasked affection in her laugh as the crowd parted to allow two figures through. And as the bodies finally shifted and the figures came more clearly into view, an honest smile touched Kyle’s lips too.

 

Jimmy frowned in mild confusion at the scene as it played out, unsure what it was that had made Kyle’s eyes light up so brightly and so suddenly. A pint-size girl with a big red-lipstick-smile and her hair in a cute-yet-stylish up-do is the first to appear, half-skipping the final distance between herself and her friend. As the two women embraced, Jimmy glanced over their shoulders at the second figure. He was lean, black hair swept smoothly back off a handsome, angular face. His lips were thin, and there was a catlike smile playing on them as he watched the two women with dark, mischievous eyes. The pint-size girl stepped out of the hug, glancing back over her shoulder at him with a laugh before prettily twisting herself out of the way, stepping neatly aside so swiftly it was like a dance step. The man and Ivy Lynn seemed to have a moment of silent communication then, which was broken abruptly when the man let out a high-pitched ‘Ahh!’ that made Ivy laugh and open out her arms to him. He laughed too then, folding her into a bone-crushing hug, and she murmured something by his ear – something that was clearly in too low a voice for anyone around them to hear – and he murmured something back and squeezed her a little more tightly, the lines of his face suddenly seeming softer than they had just moments before. Then, in a blink, the man stepped back, turning to face the group to make some snappy remark, deliberately engineered to cut the moment. The sound of his voice was energetic and sharp, almost musical, and suddenly he was all movement, his energy attracting glances and wry smiles from all over the room. Jimmy raised his eyebrows as he watched, bewildered.

 

‘What just happened exactly?’ he asked after a moment, though when he glanced over at Kyle, he was surprised to find he was smiling a soft, fond smile, still watching the dark-haired man intently like he was in on the same secret as the rest of the room.

‘ _Bobby_ just happened,’ Kyle replied softly, letting out a small chuckle and shaking his head. ‘He’s from the Bombshell ensemble,’ he added, his voice distant and quiet, yet still matter-of-fact, as if that was explanation enough, and Jimmy looked back over at the man again, still confused. Kyle didn’t notice Jimmy’s frown though, didn’t even register really how poor an introduction to Bobby that was. Because…God, he was so much more than Bobby from the ensemble, wasn’t he? But how could he even begin to explain that to Jimmy, to someone so sceptical about the whole musical theatre scene? Where would you even begin with Bobby anyway? Bobby and all his contradiction and his light.

 

He watched as Bobby threw his head back in a laugh, unable to stop himself grinning at the sight. He loved that face – all sarcasm and stories – and with his hair swept up like that it was easier to see the sharp line of his jaw, the crinkle in his nose when he laughed, the brightness of his eyes. He was all edges and glints. Kyle shouldn’t have to explain that, really. Not when Bobby was laughing like that – loud and shameless, with his body all restless energy and movement. He looked good tonight – the thought was dim and unbidden in the back of Kyle’s mind – and his dark velvet jacket emphasised the lean lines of him, his crisp shirt and tie giving off a polished, savvy air that matched the sureness of his smile. Bobby was twisting and smirking, and the way he looked at Ivy when he spoke made her smile in a way which was more genuine than the way she’d been smiling before his arrival. From his vantage point on the steps, Kyle could see her wrap an arm around his waist, could see him lean into it instinctively without breaking from his story, his eyebrows quirked comically. His face is impossibly expressive and he speaks with his whole body, all hand gestures, shoulder-pops and eye rolls. Kyle wants to laugh, because even without hearing it, the punchline to whatever story Bobby is telling is still somehow tangible enough for him to be amused by it, and he finds he doesn’t need the words or the details.

 

‘Do you remember I told you about one of Karen’s friends from Bombshell who I talked to a few times?’ Kyle asked after a minute had passed, not taking his eyes from Bobby. Beside him Jimmy was still watching Bobby too, his face a mixture of curiosity and confusion, and Kyle glanced from Bobby to Jimmy and back again. ‘He’s the one who convinced me to keep trying with Hit List. Started calling me ‘Daydreamer’ and told me my biggest problem was doubt.’ Kyle laughed at the memory of Bobby snapping his fingers and flashing his eyes. ‘People remember him because he’s all _this_ and he’s all _that_ ,’ he added, mimicking Bobby’s own words and tone and then rolling his eyes fondly as an afterthought. ‘And people who aren’t as dazzling as him say stupid things about him and call him names, because they’re scared they’ll never be _that_ dazzling, you know? They’re jealous. So they doubt him and they don’t trust him. And they’re wrong…coz he’s kind of the most amazing person in any room he goes into.’ Kyle shook his head slightly, almost disbelieving, as he watched Bobby’s sharp movements and tried to equate them with that soft, all-knowing tone and the taste of honey and alcohol. ‘And I’m telling you, Jimmy, if you’re ever scared or lost or hopeless, if you feel like you have no friends left in the whole world? He’s probably the only person in this town who will still listen and take you seriously. No matter how low you sink, he’ll listen.’ Kyle sighed thoughtfully, his smile turning wistful. ‘He doesn’t necessarily see light in everyone…it’s more like…he sees the truth. Or the story, maybe. Something like that.’

 

Kyle shook himself slightly, scrunching up his face, as if trying to reorganise his thoughts, and Jimmy raised his eyebrows, surprised at just how much this stranger seemed to mean to his best friend. ‘He was the one person building me up at the point when it felt like everybody was tearing me down. And he knew what to say without overselling it. And I’d say thank you to him but…I’m pretty sure he gets it anyway.’ Kyle shrugged. ‘He’s crazy, brave, unstoppable. And kind of amazing, honestly.’ Jimmy tipped his chin slightly in acknowledgement, a hazy memory coming to him, and he glanced over at Kyle thoughtfully.

‘Wait…I think I remember now. He’s the guy who was at the read-through, right? You said he knows Broadway inside-out…determined, unstoppable…made you smile for like…a week straight and you still won’t tell me how he managed it.’ Kyle laughed uncomfortably, his gaze staying on Bobby as the chorus boy twirled his best friend dramatically, pulling her into his side afterwards and kissing her temple. ‘Yeah, you’re going to need to tell me more now, because I _know_ there is a story there. You called him unstoppable like…ten times, when you were telling me about him. And I know that’s the word you usually use to describe me, and in your world it’s compliment.’ Jimmy looked over at him pointedly and Kyle squirmed slightly. ‘Look: you can’t take your eyes off the guy! You’re telling me all you two did was talk?’ Jimmy laughed and elbowed Kyle, who was now blushing slightly, though his eyes were still on Bobby all the same. ‘That’s the guy, right?’

‘Yeah…that’s him.’ Kyle’s head was on one side, a distant smile on his lips as he spoke, and Jimmy couldn’t work out exactly what look that was in his friend’s eyes. It was a look he’d never really seen before, but it lit up his eyes and that had to mean more than a couple of conversations. ‘Bobby.’ Kyle popped the sound of the Bs, his expression almost playful. ‘But there’s no story. I told you,’ he added quickly, clearly sensing Jimmy’s sceptical look. ‘It’s not a big deal, Jimmy. He’s just…something else,’ he shrugged. ‘You can’t help but look at him, you know? Maybe it’s stupid but…I don’t want to risk him ever being anything less than unexpected to me. He’s like this supernova – and who wants to know the science behind that? You want it to just stay amazing and brilliant and far away.’ Kyle’s blue eyes glittered and he finally looked back over at Jimmy. ‘Why does there have to be a story? _He’s_ the story, Jimmy. He’s unstoppable. I mean…look at him. He’s unstoppable. He’s…incredible. And…I don’t think he’s anything you think he is. That should be enough for you to be fascinated, Jimmy. So…I’m not going to tell you anything else. And I’m not going to go down there and talk to him. Don’t make it into a bigger deal than it needs to be.’

 

They stood in silence for a moment, watching Bobby touch a hand to his friend’s arm and say something to her which earned him an eye roll and a light smack. He laughed, unapologetic ( _unstoppable_ ), and made some aside to the group at large before stepping away from them, starting to push his way through the melee, making a beeline for the nearest cocktail waitress. He was halfway there when he happened to glance up towards the staircase, and it wasn’t lost on Jimmy that he spotted Kyle immediately. A mischievous smile lit up his whole face and he stopped almost immediately, standing up a little straighter. He paused for a moment, holding himself very tall and very still and making sure to meet Kyle’s eyes, his smile still playful and unabashed. And then, theatrically, he brought one hand up to his lips, performing the gesture with a flourish and an arch of one eyebrow. Beside him Jimmy heard Kyle laugh, but he didn’t look away from Bobby, whose dark eyes twinkled brightly as he made a great show of blowing Kyle a single kiss. He threw his hand in the air dramatically as he sent the kiss out across the room, and then, in one fluid gesture, he bent at the waist, his hand sweeping back down in a perfect curve in order to emphasise the drama of his low bow. When he finally righted himself, he was outright grinning up at Kyle, and the two men held each other’s gazes for a moment, their smiles matching in amusement and affection.

 

Finally, Bobby laughed and looked down, taking a step back and giving a curt little nod of acknowledgement before turning away, pivoting on his heel. Kyle and Jimmy watched him wind his way towards the nearest tray of cocktails, still smirking and taking the odd sly glance back over his shoulder before he reached his destination, smoothly picking up a cocktail and taking a sip. He plucked the cherry from his drink like he was performing a dance move, and then he pivoted on his heel once more, turning in a sharp right angle and pushing his way back through the crowd. Kyle watched him retreating for a moment, Bobby again smiling slyly in such a way that suggested he was watching Kyle too, and eventually, he looked up properly, flashing Kyle a quick wink before disappearing in amongst the crowd.

‘Sure,’ Jimmy said dryly, giving Kyle a small smack on the back as Bobby vanished from view. ‘No story there.’ Kyle shot him a half-hearted glare.

‘I’m not having this conversation,’ he warned, his smile soft as he smacked Jimmy’s arm in retaliation. ‘Which means that, when _you’re_ done chickening out? I will be over there, enjoying the party we were invited to,’ he added before taking one tentative step down, pausing to take one last look at the scene at large before swiftly heading down the remaining stairs.

‘Hey, I am _not_ chickening out,’ Jimmy called after him with a smirk, shaking his head ruefully as he jogged after his friend, swiping a drink for himself as he went.

 

Across the room, Bobby was winding his way around the back of the crowd of people, reaching into the inside pocket of his jacket and casting a sidelong glance back towards his friends. They had managed to find themselves a table since he’d left them, and Jessica was posing for a picture with Beth, her smile dazzlingly bright and her arms wrapped tightly around the other girl’s shoulders. Smirking fondly, Bobby ducked in the opposite direction, slipping into one of the side rooms in order to find a quiet spot to check his messages; Jessica had put a ban on him checking his phone, and in any case he was too good of a friend to Ivy to read un-vetted gossip or reviews in front of her when she was clearly already psyching herself out. Still, he needed to know; it was an aspect of his personality which hadn’t changed since he was a toddler, constantly wandering away from his parents at every opportunity, always trying to find out goodness-knew-what and usually discovering (or creating) nothing but trouble. The whole neighbourhood had known about it once Bobby had been old enough to walk any significant distance on his own.

 

His phone seemed to take an age to come on – Jessica had insisted on watching him turn it off, because she knew him too well and would not accept his suggestions that he just put it on silent – and he tapped impatiently at the scratch mark on it as he waited. He barely looked up from the screen as he ducked and weaved his way across the smaller room he had come to, but out of the corner of his eye he had spotted a quiet space in the opposite corner, and he angled his body expertly, dodging around bodies like he was following choreography, all the while managing to sip casually at his drink without spilling it. Anyone who had spent enough time around the theatre probably could have pegged him as a chorus boy at fifty paces – but then, wasn’t that what he’d worked so hard for all these years anyway? He smirked lightly and began to cast an eye over his messages.

 

A lot of late good luck wishes filled his inbox, and one or two congratulations. His friend Alex – a friend from his Hairspray days who was perpetually ill, injured or hung-over and more sarcastic and cynical than even Bobby himself, though essentially warm when it came down to it – had sent him a sweet but snappy message suggesting Bombshell had only even made it to opening night through Bobby’s own sheer force of will. Zak was the next one down – bright, enthusiastic and genuine – offering to buy him a celebratory drink next time they met up. Dean had remembered him too, of course; the man was funny, friendly and charming, and, though he was the sort of grounded, down-to-earth personality who would usually wince at Bobby’s sharp edges, he had appointed himself as a sort-of big brother figure, and he made sure to never forget him when it counted. In between two cousins and a friend from dance class was, surprisingly, a message from Sam, who had actually come to see the show that night for Ivy’s sake, but had stayed away from the party to avoid any run-ins with Tom. Even Bobby’s parents had managed a message, their enthusiasm for the state of his career having recently been boosted slightly by the discovery of his name being listed in an article under the heading of ‘Bombshell’s strong and experienced ensemble’ and his own mention, in passing, of Tom trusting him to run numbers with the swings. After his parents’ brief congratulatory message and probably-empty promise to come and see the show sometime soon, was a text from his friend Dawn – a smiley, frizzy-haired dancer he’d done a few workshops with – who had sent him a message with a ridiculous number of kisses and exclamation marks and a block capitals virtual hug. He couldn’t help but laugh, because he could just picture her ridiculously sunny face and her tiny-voiced squeak of excitement as she bubbled over with genuine enthusiasm. The two of them had met at a time when Jessica had been buried deep in a tech week from hell and Bobby had been drawn to Dawn’s energy immediately, recognising the similarities between her and his best friend – Jessica always joked that Dawn was his ‘back-up plan’ for if the two of them should ever come to part ways.

 

Bobby was still smiling fondly down at Dawn’s message when his phone vibrated suddenly and a new name filled his screen. _Dennis_. He had come to an abrupt stop in the centre of the room, but no-one around him seemed to notice, all too distracted with their own conversations to even take in that he was there. His body was rigid, his jaw suddenly clenched, and it took him a moment or two before he managed to blow out a calming breath, gradually twitching his fingers, forcing them back into action. He blinked, as though he’d just stumbled out into daylight after a matinee, and he glanced around self-consciously, more as an excuse to take a moment to gather his thoughts than out of any genuine anxiousness at someone seeing him.

 

After a beat, and a deep breath, he looked back down at his phone. Dennis’ name seemed to glow, the curve of the letters somehow more pronounced than anything else on the screen, and Bobby bit his lip, his eyes tracing the lines back and forth for longer than was strictly necessary. Excitement and anxiety fought for dominance, creating a tightness in his chest, and he couldn’t quite stop his lips from curving into a distant smile. It had to say something that – despite receiving nothing but radio silence in return – Dennis wasn’t quitting. Attempts to call had admittedly faded into random texts here and there, but it was something. An uncharacteristic show of stubbornness and fight from the usually softly-spoken, over-cautious and gentle dancer. He might have kisses which tasted like strawberries, but he obviously wasn’t all sweetness and light. Bobby was impressed by that, if he was honest. Or maybe it just gave him more hope than he really wanted to own up to. He touched his thumb lightly to the screen, hardly noticing he was holding his breath as the message opened.

 

Ivy had mentioned that Dennis was coming to see the show – she had been the one to secure tickets for him and his Wicked castmate Rachel – but Bobby had barely reacted when she’d told him. It wasn’t that he hadn’t heard the expectant, hopeful lilt to her voice, the way her blue eyes studied the muscles of his face, looking for a twitch. He’d known she’d been hoping for some sort of explanation, of course he had known. But he’d barely even talked to Jessica about the state of his and Dennis’ relationship, and he wasn’t about to start pouring his heart out now. He might not be a good enough actor to fool Jessica, but Ivy – especially when preoccupied with opening night – was a lot easier to decieve, and he’d managed a ‘How sweet of him – but who’s Rachel? I don’t think I’ve heard of her, what’s she been in?’ which was impressively even in tone. Ivy had frowned, clearly put out, but she’d allowed the subject change and Bobby had managed to block the information out of his mind before the curtain went up that night. In fact, Dennis being there was something which he had almost forgotten entirely until the moment the message finally opened and Bobby saw a grainy picture lighting up his phone screen, his own sharp, angular face looking back at him, surprisingly clear beneath a shock of theatre lighting. The angle suggested a dress circle seat, and the shot was distorted slightly by the harshness of the stage lights, but despite the odds, the picture was still good, the crispness of the moment captured making up for what the photograph lacked in actual image quality. Bobby could tell from his costume that the picture had been taken during History Is Made At Night, but the angle made it seem as though he were the only one onstage, his head thrown backwards, his body twisting idly as he leant languidly against a railing, his back curved in an elegant arch. There was a casual smile curling the corners of his lips – sly, slow and faraway – and his eyes were fixed on something off to the right, dark and focused and lit up by the spotlights. A lock of hair had come loose from where he had gelled it back, the hair gel most likely melted by the heat of being onstage, and it fell in a small, solitary dark curl across his forehead. Underneath the picture, Dennis had simply written: No photos allowed but I couldn’t resist – you were captivating, Chorus Boy.

 

Bobby felt his breath hitch slightly in his throat. Dennis had never been one of those gushing Broadway types; he was careful, considered and quiet, and he didn’t like to throw around big words. He liked the way people’s bodies move when they were dancing and he read people’s smiles. He watched, he understood, he smiled back. But unlike Bobby, he never _spoke_ it, he just took it in. Appreciated it. And yet there was that word, clear as day: _captivating_. The word was like a spell and Bobby could almost hear the way Dennis would say it, could hear the breathy, distant way he’d murmur it and picture the shy, embarrassed half-laugh half-sigh he’d give afterwards as he turned away to pretend he hadn’t said a thing. Bobby felt that familiar tightening in his chest again, and he laughed at himself, the sound coming out as nothing more than a rush of air.

 

Maybe there had been a point where he could have convinced himself that what he felt for Dennis was that same powerful, unwavering and warm sensation as the love he had for Jessica, all sweetness at the edges. But Bobby wasn’t one to shy away from honesty, and he knew better than to think the bittersweet smile which touched his lips was from wistful affection for a friendship damaged. His jaw set and his eyes determined, he hit reply without flinching, a strange calm settling on his shoulders as he typed and quickly hit send. The words he really wants to say – I’m still mad at you ( _I want you_ ), I miss you ( _I want you_ ), I want you ( _I want you I want you I want you_ ) – he lets get away in favour of a simple ‘Thank you, Bambi’ followed by a single kiss. And they’re the first words he’s offered Dennis in weeks, but he can’t bring himself to question if they’re enough. Because maybe a man who’s willing to send words (words like _captivating_ ) out into the ether is sharp enough to see the words meant (like _I want you_ ) behind the words which are actually given.

 

Bobby pocketed his phone in one sharp movement, sucking in a breath and flicking his head back with determination. Because after all: he was still Bobby. He didn’t mope and he didn’t get hung up on dancers with Bambi-eyes. Or at least, if he did, he didn’t let it spoil his night. He forced his eyes wide, pushing his eyebrows up in what he hoped was an open, excited expression, already wondering what his chances were of hiding this from Jessica, before turning sharply on his heel, and, to his surprise, crashing immediately into another body.

‘Oh, my gosh, I’m so sor-’ began a familiar voice before the they had both properly righted themselves. Bobby felt a genuine smile crease his face immediately as he took in the person in front of him. ‘Bobby!’ The smile became a broad, amused grin and Bobby leant back, one eyebrow arching as he raked his eyes unashamedly up and down the elegant frame of Karen Cartwright, her hair swept stylishly back off her face, her hazel eyes wide and surprised.

 

Twisting his lips into a smirk, Bobby folded his arms, taking in her dress and make-up approvingly before finally meeting her eyes once more. Her smile was turning from startled to soft and she blinked a him dazedly for a second before coming in for a quick hug, which Bobby returned with a chuckle.

‘Well hey, Stranger,’ Bobby remarked over her shoulder as they hugged, and by the time they broke apart, Karen’s face had smoothed into that half-affectionate, half-frustrated smile she often gave him, as though she was anticipating some tease to trip off his tongue at any moment, and Bobby’s eyes glinted obligingly as he altered his posture accordingly, tilting his head to one side in a show of idle disdain. ‘So what happened, exactly? You lose my number or do you only hang out with the hipsters off-Broadway now?’ he asked, his voice thick with sarcasm and amusement and just the tiniest dash of genuine hurt. His eyes twinkled and his lips quirked into a devilish smile that coaxed a soft laugh out of Karen, even as she gave him a half-hearted whack with her clutch bag.

‘Shut up, Bobby – you know I’ve missed spending time with you!’ she insisted, still smiling back at him, and Bobby chuckled, making sure to keep his eyebrows arched in scepticism but unable to hide the warmth from his smile. ‘Things have just been crazy lately, that’s all,’ Karen added, rolling her eyes dismissively at him as he continued to look her up and down, as if he were trying to stare the truth out of her. ‘And what exactly was stopping _you_ from calling _me_ , out of interest?’ she asked, giving him a small nudge for emphasis, her lips pursing in amusement and frustration, making him snigger. He straightened up slightly, airily turning away from her in order to hand his now-empty glass to a passing waitress.

‘You know, Iowa, the whole world doesn’t actually revolve around you,’ he remarked over his shoulder, sighing as he slowly turned back to face her. He smoothed his lips into a straight line, which only curved up the tiniest bit at one corner, the suggestion of mischief there rather than outright judgement.

 

His tone had been flippant, one eyebrow still arched playfully, but Karen must have read the look in his eyes because she crumpled slightly, regarding him warily, her eyes almost plaintive.

‘You’ve been talking to Ana, haven’t you,’ she sighed, and Bobby simply laughed – the sound not as unkind as she’d expected. He shrugged casually, offering her a roguish grin by way of reassurance.

‘Hey, I talk to a lot of people. And I’ve learnt not to judge off of one side of the story…’ Karen smiled at him gratefully, and for a moment she was struck – not for the first time since meeting him – by just how unconventionally good of a person Bobby was. He was all force and determination and he gave it to everyone equally. No-one was exempt from the sharpness of his tongue, the force of his will or the honesty of his opinions. No-one was exempt from the music of his laugh, either, though. Or the quiet nod of his acceptance. The wry smile as he listened to a story.

 

She sighed uncomfortably, about to make some excuse, but Bobby simply bumped his hip against hers, dipping his head to meet her eyes. His smile was so quiet, and it was nice to see his expression properly for a change, his dark hair brushed back off his face, accenting every line and shadow. His eyes danced with amusement as he narrowed them at her, as though trying to read something out of her face, but his smile remained kind and soft. ‘You wanna talk about it?’ he asked her in a hushed tone, and she pulled a face.

‘Not really.’ Bobby inclined his head in acknowledgement. He shifted his body away from her slightly and she felt an unexpected amount of disappointment at the loss of his closeness.

‘Okay then,’ he said simply, and Karen regarded him sceptically out of the corner of her eye, because as much as she trusted him as a friend, she also knew he was pathologically incapable of simply biting his tongue when he had an opinion. As though hearing her thoughts, Bobby flashed her another smile, slightly more sly and almost crooked, making her laugh softly. ‘I will say this though…’ he conceded slowly, and she nodded in a playful show of resignation that only seemed to make his smile widen.

‘Knew it,’ she muttered softly and Bobby elbowed her in mild rebuke.

 

She looked back up then, gazing at his face intently. He was tilting his head and grinning in amusement and it made his face appear like a half-crescent from the angle she was standing. He looked at her the same way he had back in the early days of the workshop – when the initial judgment and amusement had faded and a genuine interest and affection had taken their place. And maybe she should have made more time for him, despite everything, because maybe there wasn’t really a better listener (or advice-giver) in this town. But then there was the chance that she didn’t really want to hear what it was he had to say – because unlike a lot of her friends, he would not just tell her what she wanted to hear. The truth wasn’t always pretty, especially not in the theatre. And especially not the way Bobby told it. ‘What is it, Bobby? Just say it whatever it is,’ she sighed, her resolve fading, and Bobby’s smirk was playful as he placed his palm ever-so-gently to the small of her back and leant in like he was about to whisper all his secrets to her.

‘All I was going to say was that if you think you can’t make a song your own, just coz someone else sang it earlier in the show? Maybe you’re not as amazing as you and Derek keep telling everyone you are.’

‘Bobby!’ Karen gave him a shove but Bobby just laughed, shrugging.

‘Hey, you asked, Iowa. And you know my mouth and my brain don’t really connect up most of the time.’

 

She attempted to glare at him, but Bobby wasn’t one known for caring when people objected to his honesty, and he barely acknowledged her stare. ‘You know I make more sense than anyone else in this town, don’t even lie.’ Karen smiled at him disbelievingly and Bobby smiled back without a hint of an apology in his eyes. ‘I’ve looked your show up; you’re doing a pretty special job over there, actually. But do you want to know who the real star is?’

‘Let me guess, you’re going to say Ana, right? Or the ensemble, maybe?’ Karen sighed, trying to scowl at him but not quite managing to hide her smile.

‘God, no. I mean, your friend Cuddles is fabulous, but she’s so not the point. And yeah, the ensemble are great, but they don’t have me so, whatever.’

‘Wait, what did you say? Did you just call Ana ‘Cuddles’?!’ Karen laughed in confusion, but Bobby ignored her.

‘But you and her and Crazy Eyes – who I hear you’re dating or something, by the way, so…congrats on that, good luck taming him and whatever – the three of you all have one person to thank for every bit of praise your little show is getting.’ Bobby fixed Karen with an expectant look, but she simply looked back at him blankly, her brow furrowed slightly, and Bobby rolled his eyes in despair. ‘ _Kyle_ …you remember him, right? He wrote that story you’ve been acting out every day? And basically pushed for its entire existence?’ Bobby shook his head. ‘Karen, look…you came to the show tonight: Ivy was amazing, right? Don’t even think about lying –she was amazing, ok? And we all know _I_ was amazing. Jessica was amazing too, actually…not as amazing as me, but…don’t tell her I said that.’ Karen laughed and Bobby flashed her a quick wink before letting out a small sigh. ‘But the point is, Iowa, that in ten years’ time, not one of us will be there. Or at least, I hope we won’t, coz that would be a crazy amount of time to be doing the one show.’ Bobby rolled his eyes. ‘But the story? _That_ will still be there, Karen. Maybe not on Broadway, who knows…but it’ll be out in the world to be told long after people have stopped caring about the people who told it first. None of us are really that important, in the grand scheme of things. We all just like to think we are.’

‘Yeah, especially you,’ Karen laughed teasingly and Bobby shot her a theatrical glare.

‘Please. I’m The Best for a living, Iowa. Don’t pretend you weren’t looking at me the whole time tonight,’ he joked. Karen smiled, shaking her head at him.

‘You’re ridiculous, you know that?’

‘Sure I am. I’m also right, though.’

‘Maybe.’

‘No, definitely, actually. You’ll see,’ Bobby retorted with a nod, clearly certain that the matter was settled. ‘Broadway would carry on without us, Karen. Even if all of us quit tomorrow, all the theatre really needs to survive? Stories. And there’s a hundred of those round every corner.’

 

Karen shook her head, looking Bobby up and down with a mixture of fondness and resignation.

‘You’re a pretty good friend to have, you know that?’ she murmured after a beat, and Bobby’s smile softened instantly. He looked down at the ground, his expression something resembling shyness – which Karen thought looked foreign on his face, yet somehow beautiful too. ‘Seriously, most people would’ve just…sided with Ana and bitched about me never calling for five minutes before storming off.’ Karen sighed, turning her eyes up to the ceiling and shrugging awkwardly. ‘I probably would’ve deserved it, actually. I know I should have called…or at least said hi instead of just waiting for you to crash into me,’ she said with a small laugh and Bobby’s lips quirked up briefly into a smirk. ‘You know, you and Jessica are probably the only reason I’ve survived the Bombshell insanity in one piece, actually. You especially, Chorus Boy. I kind of miss you making me laugh in rehearsal – some days when it’s getting crazy, I actually look over…but then I realise you’re not in the same show as me anymore. And when you’re not there pulling faces behind Derek’s back and taking bets against me on the side, it makes me kind of sad. You made a lot of the chaos more bearable, just so you know.’ Bobby looked up at her then, his pink smile dangerous and dancing, his eyes all lightness. ‘So I guess what I’m saying is that...I’m sorry for not calling.’ She looked over at Bobby hopefully and he rewarded her with a grin, his eyes flashing as he waggled his eyebrows at her expectantly. ‘Coffee next week?’ she asked through a laugh.

‘Well, if you think you can find the time,’ Bobby teased and Karen moved to smack him on the arm again, though he ducked away just in time. ‘My friendship really doesn’t come cheap, Iowa. Not even kidding; off-Broadway or not, you’re buying – you said it yourself, you basically owe me everything, so I’m raising the stakes to lunch. And maybe a beer.’

‘Er, I don’t think that’s what I said, actually,’ Karen laughed and Bobby grinned.

‘I read between the lines,’ he told her with a smirk.

 

For a moment they held each other’s gazes, Bobby’s expression softening to something quieter and fonder than before. ‘But seriously, Iowa…you ever need a refresher course? I’m here. You’re part of my circle now – which means free access to my infinite wisdom any time. Even the times when you’re being kind of a bitch; I don’t judge, just listen.’ Karen nodded, a soft smile on her lips as she wrapped an arm around him in a grateful half-hug, resting her head in the crook of his neck, closing her eyes for a moment and taking in the achingly comforting thrum of his body, breathing in the spicy scent of him.

‘Did you just call me a bitch?’ she asked him quietly, suddenly feeling very lost and very tired. Bobby’s chuckle was strangely reassuring to her, and the sound vibrated, low and warm, against her hair.

‘You look hot tonight, Iowa. You might want to stop pouting about Ivy being a better Marilyn than you and go have fun instead.’

‘I was not pouting! And who says she’s better than me?!’ she demanded, only getting a knowing smirk in return. ‘It doesn’t answer my question anyway,’ Karen protested weakly as Bobby arched one eyebrow sceptically.

‘Like I said: you look hot tonight,’ he said, speaking slowly, like he was trying to emphasise whatever words he wasn’t saying to help her hear his real point. ‘Not as hot as me, but…I’m the hottest person in this city, don’t even think about denying it.’ Karen smiled, nodding slightly to let him know she understood. ‘Learn to take a compliment, Iowa,’ he added, smirking dangerously at her and wiggling his eyebrows knowingly, and Karen laughed at him fondly, shaking her head and watching him as he turned. ‘Call me, ok? Or I come find you and tell all your new castmates about how you nearly knocked half the set over on opening night in Boston,’ he called over his shoulder, before melting smoothly away from her, weaving his body elegantly in and out of the crowds and slowly disappearing from view.

 

No sooner had he managed to fight his way back into the main room, Bobby felt a small hand clamping down on his bicep, dainty fingers forming a vice-grip that made him wince, even through the smart velvet of his jacket. He closed his eyes and tipped his head back, his face scrunching up in only-slightly guilty resignation as he came to an abrupt halt. He didn’t turn around, not even as he felt a gentle smack to his forearm, and when he opened his eyes again he could see Jessica’s face finally appear in his peripheral vision.

 

‘Give me the phone,’ she demands without preamble, and Bobby can’t help but laugh. Her face is open and wide, just as expressive as his own but with softer lines, and her blue eyes are dazzling as she looks up at him, determined and amused all at once. He huffed slightly, letting his head drop forwards again. A low groan of protest formed in his throat and he closed his eyes in a grimace. ‘Seriously!’ Jessica half-laughed in response, her hand falling from his arm as she elbowed him lightly in the side to drive home her point.

‘I’m not handing over the phone, so don’t even try,’ he retorted, opening one eye to regard her with fond amusement. ‘Anyway, how’d you know I wasn’t just off meeting new people?’ he demanded. ‘I’m not always up to no good, you know…I only do that about half the time, actually.’ Jessica rolled her eyes, folding her arms.

‘Please: I know you.’

‘Fine,’ Bobby muttered, pulling a face. ‘Maybe I checked my phone. But you’re still not getting it off me.’

‘Well is it turned off at least? I want to have _fun_ tonight, Chorus Boy, not worry about reviews,’ Jessica whined, wrapping her arms around his middle and pouting lightly, making him chuckle. He regarded her for a moment, eyebrows arched, and she stared him down determinedly, blue eyes gleaming with excitement and hope.

‘I already promised, ok? I just checked my texts, that’s all,’ he told her and Jessica narrowed her eyes at him, studying his face for any clue that he might be lying. ‘Come on, you know I don’t dance on a full inbox, Jess. Please – be reasonable,’ he smirked and her expression changed to something more amused.

‘Ok, I’ll let you off; just this once. But if I see you sneaking off again then I’m taking away your phone privileges,’ she insisted, jabbing him in the ribs and scrunching up her face. She looked ridiculously adorable, with her hair up and her furry white stole all but dwarfing her, and Bobby couldn’t help but let out a slight cackle at her attempt at authority. ‘And I mean it so don’t laugh!’ Jessica added though a giggle of her own, but it only made Bobby’s smirk widen and he eyed her doubtfully. ‘I’m being serious. Tonight is about celebrating all our hard work – not about critics or gossip or anything else. We’re finally back in a show together and – despite the odds and all your cynical comments for the past year – Bombshell actually made it all the way.’

 

Bobby smiled, inclining his head in agreement.

‘Ok, I get it: you think that opening night should be a reality-free zone,’ he said, smiling even wider when he saw the way Jessica crinkled her nose in mild annoyance at his tone.

‘Stop. It. You know what I mean.’ She softened slightly, pausing to study his expression. ‘Did you parents remember?’ she asked after a beat and Bobby met her eyes immediately.

‘Seriously?’ he sighed, pulling a face when she simply smiled up at him. ‘Yes, they remembered. And now I know it’s because you obviously _told them_ to remember, which kind of makes it less magical, don’t you think?’

‘Says the guy who still believes that his special pre-show handshake ritual is the only thing standing between his performance and disaster.’

‘Yeah, that’s because it is, Jess,’ Bobby shot back, rolling his eyes for effect and getting a reproving yet amused smile from Jessica in return.

‘How did we end up best friends?’ she asked, her voice edged with despair but her blue eyes shining up at him with boundless affection.

‘I ask myself that question every day,’ Bobby answered, half-sigh, half-drawl, and he playfully elbowed her off him, laughing at her squeak of protest and the hearty shove she gave him in return before she quickly latched herself back to his side, linking their arms.

 

They stood like that for a moment, both of them watching with matching looks of sympathy as Ivy made her way across the room, keeping her eyes down to avoid anyone pulling her in for conversation. She was all tense shoulders and tight-lipped smiles as she weaved in and out of the groups of people determinedly before finally ducking out of view. Jessica’s head tipped to one side and she bit her lip, as though wondering whether to follow after her. Bobby silently squeezed her closer – a wordless plea. He and Ivy may not have known each other as long as she and Jessica, but Bobby recognised a part of Ivy very few people in her life did: the sharp, fierce part that was unapologetically ambitious. This was one moment of weakness Ivy was determined not to show.

 

Another minute passed, Jessica still watching the space where Ivy had been, but Bobby’s mind had wandered, and he began to gnaw at the inside of his cheek. Blowing out a slow breath, he straightened his spine a little and – sensing the tension which suddenly rippled through his body, Jessica looked up at him curiously. ‘Dennis texted.’ He murmured the words, turning his eyes down as he said them in the hope that – if she couldn’t see the pained expression on his face – Jessica would break the habit of a lifetime and not ask him to elaborate. He could feel her steady gaze on him, though, could just make out her quietly caring expression from the corner of his eye. Maybe he should’ve run off to hide with Ivy. He took another deep breath, narrowing his eyes slightly as he picked a spot in the middle-distance to concentrate his energy on, trying to smooth out the knot which had formed in his chest. ‘I want so badly to be mad at him, Jess,’ he whispered, wincing at the catch in his voice. ‘But I…I can just feel myself forgiving him.’ He shook his head. At least he had Jessica, he thought, dimly. One of the few people in the world who would never doubt the strength in him, even when he stuttered. Her grip on his arm didn’t tighten or loosen, but it stayed constant and present and kind. There was a reason he trusted this girl with his secrets.  ‘I always forgive everyone for everything, you know? People can say what they like about me but I always forgive them once they get to know me and they apologize or…whatever, you know? And I guess I just…he wouldn’t reach out if that…if that wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have…if I wasn’t someone he still wanted to know.’

 

He felt the gentle pressure of Jessica’s body against his own, could smell the dusky, flowery scent of her perfume, and it made a surprising calmness overcome him as he spoke. ‘He wouldn’t reach out if I wasn’t…someone who’s still important to him…somehow, anyway.’ Bobby started biting the inside of his cheek again, turning his attention to his cufflinks as if they might prove a better distraction. ‘I don’t know, maybe I don’t even blame him that much. I’m supposed to be so honest and so open and I pride myself on just owning who I am but…I didn’t exactly give him much reason to trust me, did I.’

‘Oh, come off it,’ Jessica protested but Bobby shook his head, cutting her off.

‘No, Jess, I…I didn’t.’ He swallowed hard. ‘He was the one person I wasn’t honest with because I…he has been so much more important to me than I have been to him for _so long._ I just never bothered telling him. I was happy to lay my head in his lap and let him stroke my hair, or pull faces at me in crappy rehearsals and make up stories with me when we got bored in bars…but I never told him how much I _lived_ for those moments. Even after he kissed me I just…I just let him think I was ok. Because even more than I want to be honest…I…I want to be _on_ , you know?’ Bobby risked a glance at his friend, meeting her kind gaze hesitantly. ‘I want to be ok. All the time, no matter what. And sometimes it’s _exhausting_ …but I still do it.’

‘Bobby,’ Jessica said softly, and her saying his name shouldn’t help as much as it does, but her voice is achingly patient and understanding and a hundred different other things that don’t have names, and he hears it all.

 

She rested her head against his arm, squeezing comfortingly at his bicep and not flinching when the powerful pack of muscle there twitched slightly beneath her fingers. This conversation had gotten so far away from him and he had no idea how to pull it back, and he was more grateful to his best friend than he could really express, because he knew that, to her, it didn’t change anything. To her he was still Bobby – strong, stupid and sarcastic, ploughing on shamelessly. He closed his eyes a moment and squeezed her back, knowing she knew him well enough by now to hear the words which went unsaid, and she pressed her forehead against his shoulder silently.

 

‘I’ll figure it out, Jess. Eventually,’ he sighed at last, swallowing hard and trying to stand a little taller. He glanced down at Jessica with a lopsided smile. ‘Come on, Glitter Bug. Right now I so don’t want to be talking about this, ok?’ Jessica opened her mouth to protest, but Bobby narrowed his eyes at her. She was surprised to see those dark eyes of his were suddenly alive and twinkling roguishly back at her, in that usual, dangerous, Bobby way, and she raised her eyebrows at him expectantly. ‘Seriously; I want to be dancing already. And drinking…God, I need to be drinking. _So badly_.’ Jessica’s face creased into a mixture of amusement and mild concern, but Bobby met her eyes without wavering. ‘Hey: you know me, ok? I’m indestructible, it’ll be fine.’ She laughed softly and rested her head back against his arm.

‘True,’ she murmured fondly, and Bobby pressed a kiss to the top of her head for that.

‘I’m not letting it get to me, Jess…so that means we need to stop talking about Dennis before I start to cry. And _that_ means a need a cocktail, like, _right now_. Seriously.’

 

 

***

 

_‘Wow. A fight broke out and it wasn’t even between Ivy and Karen – I feel like we’ve reached some strange new world where nothing makes sense anymore. Hey, Jessica, please confirm that I am still fabulous so that we can rule out this being some parallel universe where Ivy and Karen are actually making peace…and don’t look at me like that, ok? I’m not saying I don’t like the idea of them being friends. I’m just saying it makes me slightly uncomfortable…and if I were Derek I think it would make me even more uncomfortable. But hey, I’m sure he doesn’t have to worry: pretty sure this is one truce that won’t last for long. Not even kidding. If I’m wrong then the end of days just might be upon us…which, let’s face it, would really make sense. I mean: if any musical was going to open and end the world? This musical would probably do it. I swear, how we’ve made it to Broadway is a mystery – and you know if even I’m saying that? Then it must’ve been crazy. Thank God the cocktails here are worth surviving all the disasters. Well, the cocktails and being in a show with my best friend – and shut up, Blondie, ok? If you say ‘aw’ one more time I’m finding a new best friend.’_

***

 

The party was beginning to wind down, the crowds thinning out and the steady rumble of conversation and laughter dissipating into a contented murmuring, punctuated only by the clink of glasses being cleared away. Tom had extricated himself from the ensemble’s table a good while ago, making some pathetic excuses about needing to mingle which no-one was really buying, but he could still hear Bobby’s voice from the other side of the room, thrilling and musical, like a vibrant piano solo which dipped and looped around the background hum. Tom glanced back over his shoulder, smiling distantly at the scene, all rosy-cheeks and laughter, their energy rough and warm and somehow infectious. Ivy was still with them, beaming and smacking Bobby on the arm, and Jessica was sitting on Bobby’s lap with her head thrown back in a girlish mix of excitement and laughter. For his part, Bobby was now laughing so hard no actual sound was coming out, his head bent forwards slightly, his face crinkled up in delight.

 

Tom shook his head with a rueful sigh and turned back, downing the last of his drink. Earlier he’d been so sure that he couldn’t bear having so many people around him, but it had occurred to him since that he couldn’t bear being alone either, and he felt dislodged and lost, standing on the fringes of everything, looking at the people around him like they were distant specks and he was floating off somewhere in space. At least there had been a slight feeling of belonging at Ivy’s table; the group had been a core group of those who had been around since the workshop, the ones who had endured all of Derek’s mood swings and Tom’s own frazzled state, making it through every cut scene, casting change, creative disagreement and out-of-town-trauma which had befallen Bombshell on its way to this night. And perhaps that belonging he felt with them had stemmed from all of that, from the sense of having survived something together. They were so happy – all full of in-jokes and mischief and affection, and he understood all their references and they actually _wanted_ to talk to him, unlike most people at the party, who seemed to feel uncomfortable being around him since the Times’ review had come in. Like they didn’t know what to say to him, or they pitied him…or worse, they thought he wasn’t really worth their time anymore. His cast, though, were unflinching. Bobby was full of dark, hushed sarcasm and flashing eyes, but he wasn’t cruel. Honest and biting, perhaps, but not actively making any jokes at Tom’s expense – a fact which Tom knew shouldn’t have surprised him as much as it did. In any case, any time his tongue seemed to become sharper Ivy and Jessica had had great fun throwing things at him until he shut up, and the subject had been changed seamlessly, leaving a soft, lopsided smile on Tom’s lips. He hadn’t had to force anything with them – his smiles were more genuine than forced, and though sadness still gnawed at his edges, the pride he’d felt at curtain had returned too, and perhaps something resembling relief. And yet still he couldn’t change the fact that, ultimately, he was their director, and he didn’t really have a place with them when they were letting loose. They deserved their night of excitement, of wildness and pride and stupidity and celebration at a long, hard job well done. They deserved at least one night of feeling like their jobs were secure, glorious, stable things and that their director wasn’t waiting around, silently policing their behaviour.

 

No. He belonged at Julia’s table. But Julia had left already, and he suspected his company wasn’t something she wanted any longer anyway. Which pissed him off as much as it saddened him – because if roles were reversed, he knew he still would’ve been there for her. He was always there for her, no matter how much he disapproved of her choices.

 

He closed his eyes for what he thought was a minute, trying to remember the other reviews, the ones which had actually liked him. But he winced as a memory of Julia, glaring at him from across the room, came, unbidden, to the forefront of his mind, and he pinched the bridge of his nose, blowing out a long breath to try and dispel the tension from his shoulders.

 

‘Hey, Mister Director.’ Tom started slightly at the sound of a voice behind him, sharp and unapologetically flippant. He must have had his eyes closed for longer than he’d realised, because Bobby had definitely not been standing that close the last time he’d checked. He felt his spine straighten instinctively, as though his body had gone into high alert for mischief, and he turned slowly to face the chorus boy, a sigh on his lips and his expression tired.

‘Please don’t call me that,’ he said simply as he focused his eyes on Bobby, folding his arms and giving Bobby what he hoped was a stern look. But Bobby simply smirked at him knowingly, quirking an eyebrow and looking him up and down with those annoyingly impish brown eyes of his.

‘Wow. Tetchy.’ His words were crisp and sharp, but his body language was too relaxed for them come across as any sort of challenge, and there was a soft chuckle before he spoke again. ‘You know, anyone would think I was the guy who once spilt champagne all over you at a party,’ he added, giving a casual shrug.

 

Tom laughed softly despite himself, dipping his head slightly and regarding Bobby out of the corner of his eye.

‘What do you want, Bobby?’ he asked tiredly, rubbing a hand over his face. He could feel something inside him crumple slightly under Bobby’s piercing gaze, and his tense muscles relaxed a little in defeat; he suddenly felt exhausted and he ached to his bones – a fact he didn’t voice to Bobby, because he knew the chorus boy would only remind him that he wasn’t the one who’d just done a full show, eyes gleaming like some victory had been won.

‘ _We_ are heading out,’ Bobby explained, jerking his head back slightly in order to indicate a ramshackle group of ensemble members who, along with Ivy, were making their way towards the stairs. Bobby turned back to look at him, eyebrows raised in invitation. ‘Wanna come with?’ His smile widened. ‘There’s a bar across the street where the bartenders all know me. I mean…I’ve slept with half of them but…it didn’t end as badly as you might think.’ He let out a snigger and rolled his eyes dismissively. ‘They let me mix my own cocktails and dance on the bar and I always get first dibs on the mic.’ Off Tom’s disbelieving look, Bobby let out a bright laugh, pulling a face. ‘Seriously. It’s going to be fun – you’ll be missing out if you stay around here pouting, you know.’

 

Bobby allowed a pause, his eyes still intent upon Tom, and it was almost disconcerting how determined that gaze of his was. ‘Ivy’s gonna sing…’ His eyebrows waggled in what Tom assumed was an attempt at enticement. ‘And me and Jess are definitely going to get drunk enough to dance on tables coz, honestly, it’s the only reason we even put ourselves through the stress of new musicals in the first place,’ he added in a sing-song voice, flicking his hair slightly and standing a little taller. Tom fought a smile.

‘You all have a show to do tomorrow, you do realise that,’ he sighed, trying to find a balance between the exasperation and the amusement in his voice, but realising he must have failed when he saw Bobby’s amused expression.

‘And?’ he sniggered and Tom narrowed his eyes at him.

‘And: I’m the director. I could fire you, you know.’ Bobby rolled his eyes.

‘Seriously, five minutes ago you didn’t want me to remind you, now you’re holding it over me?’ he asked, arching one eyebrow, his mouth forming an unimpressed pink line. ‘Like it would be the first time a bunch of chorus turned up hung-over the day after opening night anyway…half my training I did hung-over. And most of tech. And previews.’ Tom narrowed his eyes at him but Bobby remained unphased. ‘It’ll be fine, I promise.’ He shrugged then, his mouth suddenly curving up at the corners ‘You wouldn’t fire me, anyway. I’m the best chorus boy you have and you know it – since Sam and Dennis up and quit, I’m also _the_ most experienced person in your ensemble. I beat out Jess by one more Broadway show,’ he said, his expression smug and amused at the same time.

 

Tom let out a small, helpless laugh, shaking his head at Bobby, unsure whether to be impressed or frustrated with him.

‘Actually…you know something, Bobby?’ He looked Bobby up and down, weary and amused. ‘You’re probably right.’ Bobby narrowed his eyes at him, clearly looking for the catch, and Tom chuckled quietly. ‘I really wouldn’t fire you. You’re the best I got.’

‘Ok…I’m sensing a ‘but’ to this,’ Bobby said, resigned. ‘People don’t usually just outright tell me they wouldn’t fire me. Even my own agent keeps telling me he wants to drop me.’ His dark eyes were still twinkling, though more from curiosity than mischief now.

‘Yeah? Well…maybe I’m a pushover then,’ Tom replied, shrugging idly. ‘But I really wouldn’t fire you.’ Bobby studied him carefully but Tom simply smiled a tight, tired smile. ‘Ivy probably wouldn’t forgive me, for one. And I can’t really afford to piss her off again…so…there’s that.’ Bobby smirked and Tom smiled distantly, looking down and shaking his head slightly. ‘But…’ He let the word hang a moment. ‘ _But_ …you are…incredibly annoying…’ He could just make out Bobby’s lips curling into a smile out of the corner of his eye. ‘You’re loud, maddeningly sarcastic…you never put your phone down, not even in rehearsal. When I’ve told you to stop texting. _Five times_.’ He glanced back up at Bobby with a small, lopsided smile. ‘ _And yet_ …’ he said, drawing in a breath. ‘And yet, you are, without a doubt, one of the sharpest performers I have ever worked with – and I’ pretty sure you were born for this job.’

 

Bobby’s expression was unreadable – somewhere between amused and startled – and Tom’s smile widened briefly. ‘You’d still pick up choreography even if it was given to you ten minutes before curtain, you could keep a show going even if the set collapsed around you (whilst still selling it better than anyone.) You can pull a laugh or a gasp out of nothing, and you can teach swings better than I can. You’re the master of looking like you’re slacking off whilst doing more work than anyone. And you can bring a cast together even when half of them hate each other. And you always listen, despite going to great lengths to make it look like you don’t. And you’re honest…which is more than most people in this town. So…yeah… _that_ is why I wouldn’t fire you.’ He paused and rolled his eyes slightly as if to dismiss everything he’d said. ‘That and…I like holding it over Derek that you like me better,’ he added with a brief, playful smile, and Bobby let out a soft laugh, his lips twisting into a wry grin as he nodded his head in acknowledgment of the compliment.

‘I don’t like you better, actually. I like Broadway pay better. Oh, and not being the first one to be cut out of a number that’s going badly…you set a couple of lobsters on a guy _one time_ and suddenly you can’t be trusted.’ Tom spluttered out a laugh at Bobby’s deadpan, and the sound coaxed a rare, genuine grin from Bobby.

‘You’re unbelievable, you know that?’

‘People tell me all the time.’ Coming from anyone else, that airy tone could’ve been mistaken for genuine arrogance. But not from Bobby. Tom smirked and nodded, before letting out a sigh.

‘Just be on time for the show tomorrow,’ he told Bobby dryly before turning back around, leaning against his table to stare into his now-empty glass.

 

He wanted another drink, but he suspected he’d had too much already. Behind him he heard Bobby walking away, and for a moment he thought the interrogation was over, but really, he should’ve known that Bobby was more stubborn than that. Two minutes later and a drink was being set down in front of him, and when Tom looked up, Bobby was standing there, watching him quietly. ‘What now?’ Tom groaned, but Bobby simply rolled his eyes.

‘God, most people would just say thank you,’ he said, his smile taking the edge off his words, and Tom smiled back at him somewhat reluctantly, taking a sip of the drink Bobby had given him. ‘You know…me and Julia get along pretty well. She’s one of the only people to ever just… _like_ me. And I mean like me without thinking I’m the scariest thing ever first.’ Tom stilled, refusing to look up into Bobby’s face, though he could feel his eyes on him. ‘Yeah, I don’t get it either,’ Bobby sighed and Tom let out a small, low laugh, nodding. ‘Anyway, she…she kinda unloaded on me earlier. I didn’t ask, but hey, it happened. Not even kidding; I didn’t even _want_ the drama and it still came to me – she thought I was someone else and just started ranting and I was like: can I not go one night without being the centre of the chaos?! Welcome to my life, seriously.’ Tom almost smiled and Bobby seemed to sense it because he leant forwards a little, close enough that Tom got a brief waft of the spicy scent of his aftershave. ‘I’m _really_ not kidding: all I said was ‘Hey’ and she kinda didn’t stop insulting you for five minutes straight,’ he was saying, and Tom glanced up at him, nonplussed, but Bobby shot him a quietly entertained smile, closing his mouth and inclining his head slightly, as though for once he’d managed to engage his mouth and his brain and had prevented himself saying the wrong thing. ‘Anyway, the point is…unlike everyone else in this show? I think I get the real reason why you’re over here pouting,’ he finished after a beat.

‘I’m not pouting,’ Tom protested lamely; a half-denial in attempt to deflect Bobby, which he knew would fail, because Bobby was nothing if not stubborn.

‘Please, you’re _so_ pouting.’

 

Bobby let out some low, aggravated chuckle from the back of his throat, almost a groan, and he glanced over his shoulder towards his friends, clearly weighing up his options, before finally turning back to look at Tom. ‘Pouting is not going to take it back, you know,’ he said at last and Tom’s brow knotted slightly as he took a wary glance back up at Bobby.

‘So then why are you even talking to me? If I’m so awful?’ Bobby smiled quietly, lifting one shoulder in an idle half-shrug that was strangely more kind than annoyed.

‘Because I know I’ve only got half the story,’ he said simply. ‘And I’ve never been good at letting a good story get away from me…or, you know…minding my own business at all. And hey, maybe I’m just a little awful too, so I kinda know something about feeling like someone’s making you out to be the bad guy when it’s not exactly true.’

 

Bobby paused for a second, as though trying to remember a time in his life where he hadn’t been that way, but then he simply pulled a face and rolled his eyes. ‘But, seriously, where’s the fun in minding your own business anyway?’ he added, honest and abrupt, and Tom couldn’t help but smile.

‘And you think I’m just going to spill my guts to you? Bobby, have we ever had more than five full, non-show-related conversations in all the time we’ve known each other?’ He met Bobby’s gaze, but unsurprisingly the chorus boy didn’t even flinch, simply arched one eyebrow and smirked, evidently entertained by Tom’s dismissiveness.

‘Fine, be like that. It’s _definitely_ not my problem – I have a best friend with a thing for bad boys, an ex who hates my guts, and another ex who, I’m pretty sure, could snap his fingers and have me back in a second…so, yeah, I seriously do not need any more drama right now. I mean _really_. Why else do you think I’m more than ready for some bar-dancing action?!’ Bobby huffed out a breath. ‘Look, Tom…I get that your head is a mess right now. And I get that Julia probably overreacted and you probably screwed up too and that tonight it not turning out how you wanted. But…there’s still plenty of people in this town who know you’re special.’ Tom looked up in surprise and Bobby offered him a small smile, as if to acknowledge how startling it must be to hear him give a compliment so easily. ‘Seriously, if Julia and the New York Times don’t see that then…maybe you should spend your time with the people who _do_ see it. I mean…Ivy forgave you for _hiring her mother._ And, I happen to know that…Dennis? He had a crush on you the entire time you all were rehearsing Heaven On Earth and that didn’t stop even when you forgot his name. And you didn’t call him back. And you barely noticed the whole time. I mean: he told me not to ever tell anyone that but…he _seriously_ owes me right now, so…whatever.’ Tom laughed and Bobby smothered a smirk, suddenly turning his eyes down. ‘Just…there is a Team Levitt out there, you know? And maybe it mostly consists of all the people Derek has pissed off but…it’s something.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Definitely. I mean, I’d probably never set lobsters on you for a start,’ Bobby said, widening his eyes for emphasis, the smile on his lips crooked and playful, but the look in his eyes determined nonetheless. ‘But, honestly…sitting round on your own moping? It’s kind of pathetic. Really. I mean: look at yourself right now. It’s opening night and you’re pouting in a corner.’

 

Tom tried to shoot Bobby a glare for that but it turned into a sad half-laugh and Bobby continued despite him. ‘Get out and have some fun already…do something without overthinking it for once in your life. Maybe call Sam and actually have that conversation the two of you should have about how you’re kind of made for each other but both too proud to admit it….yeah, I said it, whatever, just coz everyone else is skirting round it, doesn’t mean I will. You already said I’m amazing so you can’t take it back and fire me now.’ Tom laughed, disbelieving, frustrated and amused in equal measure.

‘You’re seriously telling me this?’

‘Yeah. I seriously am.’ Bobby arched an eyebrow. ‘What you need right now is something which makes you feel alive and happy and loved and makes all the things that Julia and the Times have said and all the crappy things you’ve gone through because of this show just seem…ridiculous.’ Bobby’s tone softened slightly. ‘You’re actually kind of a star in this town, Tom. Even if you don’t feel like it. And there are plenty of us out there who know better than to trust the critics to know anything about actual talent. I swear half of them actually hate the theatre. I think it’s like a ‘those who can’t do teach’ type of thing, honestly. And those of us who have actually worked with you? We know better. We know you have something.’ Bobby shrugged and took a step back, his body twisting as he began to move towards the waiting group on the stairs. ‘Just…try and remember that when you’re downing your next drink on you own.’ Bobby raised one critical eyebrow, looking Tom up and down one final time and turning on his heel. ‘You’ll thank me later, Levitt,’ he cast back airily over his shoulder, before finally walking away.

 

And maybe he should have thanked Bobby. Not that it occurred to him at any point that night, or even the next morning; but it did occur to him later. A lot later – months, years later – in quieter moments, when he caught sight of a Hit List poster as he ran errands, or felt the briefest taste of cherry on his lips. But at the time, he actually cursed him a little, because in some dim corner of his brain he had felt he was being reckless and he wasn’t entirely sure whether it was Bobby’s words or the amount of alcohol he’d drunk that night which had impaired his judgement the most. He’d never been able to handle his drink well – at least not when mixed in with emotional turmoil anyway – but then he’d never had much success with chorus boys either, so who could be sure what exactly it was that made him speak up when he saw Kyle Bishop heading for the door.

 

Thing was, there was just something different about him…wasn’t there? Not just in that moment or on that night, but always. Something that had been there since the first time Tom had met him. Babbling, wide-eyed Kyle; that first impression did him no justice at all, the more Tom thought about it.  Because really, he was as fierce as anyone Tom had ever met – just as certain, just as ready to go down fighting, and perhaps, in his own quiet way, more passionate that almost everyone else in this town put together. There was something in those wide, blue eyes of his. Because for all that he could be starstruck and stammering, there was a determination about Kyle Bishop; an unplaceable sureness that New York would never break the secret promises he felt it had once made to him. The slightest crinkle at the corner of his eyes exposed it: that boundless capacity to hope that he had. And, perhaps selfishly, Tom had wanted some of that hope to reflect back out onto him, that it might make him remember some of those secret promises he himself had once heard New York whispering in the night. Because when Kyle Bishop looked at him, he felt, for a moment, like he was someone again. Not someone exceptional, necessarily, or even someone magical or famous. Just someone… _good_. Someone who – to at least one other person out there – _mattered_. Someone who provoked a smile that crinkled the corners of another person’s eyes and made them look up at him through their lashes. It was intoxicating – more overpowering than any amount of alcohol – to hear that light in someone’s voice when they spoke to him; animation and excitement and genuine interest. It was like that moment at a stage door when someone recognised you – or better, like the moment an overture began to seep through into a darkened auditorium.

 

By the time they’re in the back of a cab and bound for his place, Tom realises there’s something oddly powerful about the silence between them. It’s both peaceful and heavy as they drift past the Broadway lights, and he likes the way it feels – a calmness he hasn’t felt in weeks, maybe months, washes over him and he closes his eyes for a moment, a tired, wry smile tugging on his lips. When he glances across at Kyle, he can’t help but be entranced as New York’s lights make patterns across the soft, expectant lines of Kyle’s face, glittering reflections dancing in his eyes as he gazes out of the window. He doesn’t seem to notice Tom’s eyes on him, his face pale and his smile soft and quiet in the shadows of the taxi. And maybe he’ll think this was a bad idea in the morning (he won’t) but in that moment he’s grateful for Kyle’s presence.

 

‘You’re looking up at those lights like you’ll never see them again,’ Tom murmured after a moment and Kyle’s smile turned lopsided as he glanced down.

‘I know it sounds stupid but…I sort of…feel like I won’t.’ Tom’s forehead creased in a mixture of intrigue and confusion and Kyle huffed out a self-conscious little laugh, shaking his head slightly and glancing back out of the window. ‘You know that feeling, after a show? When you’re about a block away from home or…you’re in the back of a cab or on the subway…and it’s so quiet – quieter than usual anyway – and you look around you and…there’s hardly anyone around, but the people who are there are just…carrying on. It’s like…nothing ever happened. It’s like it’s just another day. And it’s just over and you feel…’ Kyle bit his lip and looked down once more. ‘Empty? Full? Terrible? Incredible?’ He shook his head, frustrated that the words weren’t there. His eyes were glittering in the darkness of the cab and Tom smiled softly, resting his head back a little.

‘It’s just that I feel so sad these wonderful nights,’ he murmured, regarding Kyle with a smile which was both wry and warm. Kyle turned to look at him, eyes narrowed and inquiring, and Tom quirked an eyebrow before continuing. ‘I sort of feel they’re never coming again, and I’m not really getting all I could out of them,’ he added, more softly, lifting one shoulder in a half-shrug that was both self-conscious and self-deprecating. Kyle’s curious expression deepened and Tom pulled a face. ‘Fitzgerald,’ he clarified quietly. ‘In college we had an assignment…to compose a piece based entirely on a quote. The professor gave us a whole list of suggestions and that one…hit a nerve, I guess.’ Tom swallowed and risked a glance up, meeting Kyle’s eyes. He was looking at him in that wondrous way of his, blue eyes bright and dancing as he studied Tom’s face. And the spell of that simultaneous feeling of loss and awe suddenly overtook the despair which had been lingering in the pit of his stomach for half the night.

 

He wasn’t sure which one of them moved first. It could have been him, but he thinks it was Kyle, remembers distinctly the feel of his body, arched and stretched across the back seat, though he also remembers the feel of Kyle’s cheek, his neck. He remember him letting his fingertips brush the cool, pale skin there.

 

Kyle’s lips were soft and they tasted of cherry Chapstick, and through the kiss Tom could still feel the curve of his shy, awed smile.

 

 

***

 

_‘Seriously, Jimmy I have no idea what I’m doing but…I really like Tom. He’s funny. And kind. And he thinks way too much about way too much and I like that because…I understand that, you know? He’s broken and he probably cares too much about things and about people. But I feel like we’re probably never going to have a conversation about it – it’s never going to get there. It’s not serious. It’s not. It’s not a thing, ok? But I just…I wonder if it might be…if we ever dared let the conversation get far enough to ask.’_

***

 

 

He woke up too early, his bedroom covered by a thin film of greyish light and his sheets tangled around his body. As he opened his eyes and squinted into the pale, sticky light of the early morning, he traced the outline of the silhouette of his bedroom. He was alone. And the moment he realised it he collapsed back a little against his pillows, closing his eyes tightly once more and letting out a heavy sigh. He was alone. And he hadn’t expected that fact to sting as much as it did. The thought of Kyle sneaking out before he woke up, the mental picture of him slipping swiftly out the front door and being sure to close it quietly behind him, didn’t sit well with him, though he wasn’t sure why. Whatever last night had been, it wasn’t something intended to last; at best it was a moment of madness and at worst it was a one night stand, and he simply wasn’t one of those people who thought spending a night with someone had to mean more than just that. But he still didn’t like it, didn’t like the idea that Kyle had felt the need to go, had felt awkward enough to want to slip away without even speaking to him. He hoped Kyle didn’t regret it – or worse, blame him. Because after all, wasn’t he the one in the position of power there?

 

For a moment Tom tried to think of any way in which he used that starstruck streak of Kyle’s against him, but all he could come up with was a memory of those blue eyes of his narrowing, a glint in them that was part-mischief and part-determination. The thought of it calmed Tom a little and he opened his eyes, a smile that was both sleepy and lopsided touching his lips. No. Last night hadn’t been about star-fucking. Thank God.

 

Pushing himself up in bed, he suddenly realised his bedroom door was open, and when he peered out of it, he noticed the shadows outside it moving. He wasn’t sure why but relief filled him immediately. _Kyle didn’t leave._

He found him by the piano – standing in last night’s slightly-rumpled clothes and peering up at the shelves, running his fingers along the spines of the many folders kept there. For a moment Tom simply watched him, his head on one side as he leant on the doorframe. There was something gorgeous about Kyle Bishop, even in the colourless light of the early hours, a smile as light as gossamer on his pink lips and his blue eyes shining dimly in the grey of the room. There was something calming about being in his presence, Tom realised, and maybe that was why he’d felt that initial panic when he woke up and thought he was gone. Kyle made him be that person he’d been a long time ago – the one who had existed before the stresses of getting shows to Broadway, before Derek Wills had gone on the attack, before the many times he’d given everything to someone he called a friend only to have it thrown back in his face the moment he wasn’t prepared to give any more without a little take in return.

 

‘It’s six in the morning and you’re inspecting my back catalogue?’ he asked softly at last and Kyle jumped slightly, glancing back over his shoulder with a tentative smile.

‘Sorry…I just…’

‘It’s fine. You need to stop apologizing all the time, Kyle Bishop.’ Tom shrugged idly, coming into the room and sitting down at the piano, his smile lazy and warm as he met Kyle’s eyes. ‘I don’t think there’s anything about you to apologize for. And if anyone has made you think any different, they’re wrong.’ Tom’s voice was rough and soft, an earnest honesty to his tone, but the smile on his lips was mischievous and it made Kyle laugh, glancing down with a shy little shake of his head. That hint of a blush was gone now though, and when he looked back up at Tom it was with an easy grin and a shrug.

‘You hang around with Jimmy long enough then you do nothing but apologize.’

‘Ah, of course. And have you heard from him since he got kicked out last night?’

‘I turned off my phone after the fifth text from one of his so-called friends begging me to come and get him.’ Kyle winced slightly, glancing away. ‘I’m _not_ looking forward to going back,’ he sighed.

 

Tom couldn’t help the sad smile that curled the corners of his lips and he sighed softly.

‘You know, I think I’ve had that friendship,’ he half-murmured, looking down and running his fingers through his hair. Kyle wondered, briefly, if Tom had ever stopped moving since they’d met – because he was always fidgeting with his hands, always restless and distracted and not entirely _happy_. And then he remembered the two of them sitting in the back of the taxi the night before and his lips twitched involuntarily. _Tom had smiled when he kissed him_. ‘I’ve had that _relationship_ actually,’ Tom was saying, seemingly lost within his own thoughts now as he stared off into the middle distance, his forehead ever-so-slightly creased as he bit his lip. Those eyes of his looking less blue and more slate-grey in the early morning light. He laughed an empty, humourless laugh and looked up at Kyle again with a shrug that was supposed to be joking but simply came across as strained instead. ‘You know, I always seem to end up in that place…I give everything I can think of to give, you know? The people I care about – the people who matter – there is nothing I won’t do for them. I want them to be ok so badly that looking after them becomes more important to me than my own life.’

 

Kyle sat down next to Tom on the piano stool and Tom looked down, beginning to fidget with his hands, his hair falling forwards slightly as he did so. ‘I drop everything and come running time after time. And I don’t even wait for them to ask, it’s just understood; whatever you need, you know? And I offer my opinion but I don’t judge when they ignore it and I sit and listen to endless hours of rants and tears…and I try so hard to do the right thing by them, even when it costs me something.’ Tom met Kyle’s eyes then and for a moment he smiled – a tragic, lost smile that didn’t reach his eyes, but Kyle understood, more than he wanted to, and he couldn’t help but offer the smallest smile back. Tom nodded almost imperceptibly before looking back down. ‘Then one day, you turn around and ask them for something. Time, understanding, patience…just, a lack of judgement when you screw up…and they don’t like it. And suddenly you’re listing all the things you’ve ever done for them as if you’ve been keeping score the whole time and you know it’s wrong but you just need them to _listen_ , to see how much you need this chance to be selfish, just this once…’ Tom trailed off, biting his lip and wincing slightly. ‘But then you realise they’ve got the trump card; they get to say ‘I never _asked_ for your help…your opinion, your sympathy, your time, your company.’ And all of a sudden _you’re_ the bad guy, you’re the guy who kept showing up in their life, picking up after them because apparently you were actually always expecting something in return. And it’s wrong and you both know it’s wrong but it’s too late…friendship over. And despite it all, you still feel like it really is all your fault.’ Tom’s voice creaked on the words and he closed his eyes, his whole face pinching as though he’d been physically stung. ‘I didn’t ask for your opinion. I didn’t ask for your help – it just becomes as case of: I didn’t ask _for you_.’

 

For a moment they were both quiet. Tom still gnawed at the corner of his lip and Kyle watched his face, suddenly fascinated by the muscles there, the way they moved and shifted from anger to devastation and back again. And the worst part was: he understood it all. ‘You know what my last boyfriend told me? He told me that apparently it’s my world and everyone else just lives in it. He came over here…wanted to tell me in person that he had to get out of my show because he physically couldn’t stand me anymore.’ Tom let out a dry, strangled chuckle and Kyle felt an ache he’d never known before. Because he knew Tom was a better person than that, that he was just flawed and struggling like everyone else on the planet. ‘He said he understood where I’d been coming from but…that he just couldn’t stand the way I always had to be the one on the moral high ground, controlling everything. And…God, I really…I really didn’t think that’s what I was trying to do.’

‘ _It wasn’t_.’ Kyle was slightly surprised by the sound of his own voice, but even once his mind had caught up with his words, he still knew, with a powerful conviction, that he was right. Because whatever Tom had done – to his exes, to Julia, to whoever else had turned their back on him for the same reasons – he had probably meant well. He was a good man who unwittingly let himself get tangled up in bad situations. And maybe he cared too much, interfered too much. But he never really expected anything in return as he did it; everyone was selfish sometimes though. ‘You’re only human, right?’ Kyle whispered and Tom met his eyes, offering him the smallest of smiles that lit his eyes at least a little. Those eyes were brilliant and blue, just like Kyle’s own.

 

 _Only human_. Kyle turned the thought over in his head for a moment as he traced the lines of Tom’s face with his eyes. This man, who was capable of amazing things, could also be an idiot, could be a villain, could be hurt and sour and soft and sad. And he could quote Fitzgerald and make him laugh. But this was still Tom Levitt…and, didn’t that somehow make this stupid? Ridiculous? Whatever this was, anyway. One night stand, relationship? He already had a boyfriend. So how did he justify this? Was he just drunk and starstruck? Sharp, sweet, sensible Tom, who talked to him about the theatre like he understood…he was a different person to the Tom Levitt he had hero-worshipped for so long. But surely he was still just Kyle Bishop: young, hopeful and desperately naïve.

 

‘Do you play?’ The sound of Tom’s voice startled Kyle from his thoughts suddenly, and he blinked dazedly for a moment before realising Tom had moved slightly, his fingers now resting lightly on the keys as he began to play a soft, lilting tune.

‘No…no, the music has always been Jimmy’s thing. We had this old music teacher at our high school who I used to debate musicals with…he was all about Rogers and Hammerstein, but I was obsessed with Sondheim.’ Kyle smiled shyly, shrugging. ‘I used to spend lunch in the music room with him…and on the days Jimmy actually showed up to school? He’d go with me. The actual conversation left him bored out of his mind but…Mr.Donaldson liked him. I think he saw him as a project or something. He taught him to read music and to play a little, and Jimmy taught himself the rest. It actually helped him for a little while…but…you know, Jimmy’s…’

‘Difficult?’ Tom suggested, raising one eyebrow, his smile playful and amused. Kyle couldn’t help but laugh, meeting Tom’s eyes as they glinted back at him.

‘Something like that,’ he acknowledged, appreciating the lack of judgment in Tom’s grin as he tipped his head in acknowledgment before turning his gaze back to the piano, all the while still playing the faintest strains of a meandering half-tune. ‘It still helps him…sometimes. But when things get really bad he…he stops. He just shuts down, like it’s too hard for him to even write about it.’ Kyle shook his head, his brow knitting in remembered frustration. ‘He shouldn’t do that, though. When he writes about that stuff it’s…it’s beautiful, you know? I wish he realised that sometimes…instead of just thinking it’s some stupid way to pass the time when he’s run out of weed.’

 

For a while the two men let those words hang there. It was as though there was a shared resignation there, a shared understanding that it was their fate to care too much and always lose. In the peace Tom continued to play, and Kyle couldn’t help but smile as he finally picked up on the thread the notes were following; a slow Bombshell medley that dipped in and out of ‘Don’t Forget Me’ between songs. In the quiet they both assessed their losses and gains from all the giving they had done, tried to asses if the stands they had taken were simply attempts at shameless selfishness or if they were actually the right thing to do. And there were not answers to be had, but for some reason it didn’t matter, because just being with someone who understood brought a strange kind of calm to the both of them. And, Kyle realised faintly, Tom was almost entirely still beside him, but for the slight movement of his fingers on the piano keys. That knowledge made him smile, because he knew how rare it was for him to be that way at all.

 

‘Did you know Bobby can play piano?’ Kyle asked suddenly, enjoying the way Tom’s eyebrows shot up in surprise before his whole face quickly creased into confusion at the unexpected redirection. ‘Karen came to this party we were having and Bobby was with her…I honestly didn’t know what to make of him.’ Kyle grinned mischievously at the memory and Tom smirked. ‘Anyway…it was one of those nights, you know? When Jimmy decided everything was my fault…and Karen’s…he was having a bad day and it was somehow our fault for having dreams that didn’t involve barely surviving, stumbling round New York getting wasted. And when Jimmy feels awful he usually makes you feel awful too.’ Kyle pulled a face. ‘Anyway, that’s when Bobby showed up. Annoyingly knowing exactly the right thing to say.’ Kyle shook his head slightly, his smile turning more wry and distant, and Tom couldn’t help but chuckle, rolling his eyes.

‘Yeah. He has a way of doing that,’ he remarked dryly, making Kyle laugh.

‘I’d noticed,’ he murmured, rolling his eyes in a gesture that Tom could only read to be a mix of despair and gratitude (Bobby’s signature calling card.) ‘You know what he said to me? He told me there was no point in having a face like mine if I didn’t smile.’

‘That…that definitely sounds like Bobby.’

‘I went out for drinks with them after, and Bobby started telling me all these crazy stories about his friends. Like; this guy called Dean, who taught him to play piano. They were in Billy Elliot together and, according to Bobby, every time Dean sings, an angel gets its wings.’ Kyle glanced over at Tom with an amused smile, and Tom spluttered a laugh, shaking his head. ‘Those were his exact words, I swear. It was kind of sweet, actually.’ Tom nodded and Kyle shrugged, the corners of his lips turning down again, just slightly. There was a little line that crinkled across his forehead, and, Tom realised, it was a line which only appeared when Kyle was thinking of Jimmy. ‘I just remember thinking: it must be nice for it to be that easy to tell people about your friends. It must be nice to have friends you don’t have to defend all the time,’ Kyle sighed, his eyes no longer focused as he stared off into the middle distance.

 

Again the room became quiet as Tom’s fingers stilled on the piano keys. The pallid morning light made the room a grey silhouette, and beside him Kyle was half-lit, blue eyes downturned, lips a pale pink sigh. Tom turned his body towards him, just slightly, his heart suddenly aching for him. It was toxic and tangled, the thing that existed between Jimmy and Kyle, and a certain helplessness lingered in Kyle’s eyes. Tom wanted desperately for it not to be there, couldn’t help but think of the way those same eyes sparkled in the moments where Kyle was able to relax. There was a sadness that surrounded him though, even when he smiled. Tom couldn’t pinpoint it, not exactly. But it was there and he wanted to make it go away, wanted to see Kyle Bishop just shine. All he wanted was a Broadway show and a best friend who was going to be ok – it wasn’t asking the earth.

‘Maybe you should come back to bed for a while. You should get some sleep before facing Jimmy,’ Tom murmured after a while, and Kyle glanced up at him thoughtfully, his blue eyes dancing but his smile reserved.

‘Are you sure you don’t say that to all your conquests?’ he deflected, his voice low, soft and hurt. Tom looked back at him without flinching, touching a hand to his cheek.

‘You’re so much more than a conquest, Kyle Bishop.’

 

The ridges of Tom’s fingers were rough as he let them brush along Kyle’s jaw. Silently he lent in for a kiss and Kyle felt his heavy eyelids flutter closed.

 

***

 

_‘A real story is in the details, Bambi. Like the fact your favourite colour is purple and that you love the sound of the rain. That’s why being in the ensemble matters so much: you give the show its personality, its details.’ Bobby took a sip of his beer and leant forwards slightly to look Dennis in the eye. ‘Ok, so besides the fact that we’re chief prop-passers, star-lifters, set-movers, mistake-hiders, accident-preventers and quick-change-makers…we’re out there to make sure that the world of the show feels real.’ He shrugged. ‘So, I liked you for being sweet and cute – doesn’t make a bit of difference without knowing your details, you’re just some dancer who’s nice to look at, I’m not hooked into the story. Then I find out you taste of strawberries, and suddenly its’s like magic. Shows are like that. Someone sees you look a certain way, lift a certain eyebrow, follow through a certain dance move…and suddenly they buy it that little bit more.’ He glanced away then, somewhat sadly. ‘I wish people understood that more. Or at least…I wish my parents did. I try to explain but…the conversation always seems to move on before I can really get the words out. It’s like…one of the only times I can’t bring myself to just spit it out.’ He caught Dennis’ eye and smiled slightly. ‘And would you look at that, Bambi: I just gave you one of my details.’ He laughed softly. ‘Do what you want with it, I guess. I won’t hold my breath for magic – I know you’re still trying really hard just to figure me out at all.’_

***

 

Jessica slipped quietly into the dim backstage light, dodging a crate of props and zigzagging through the quick-change stations, following the tinny sound of music. The scene on stage was mostly in silhouette from where she was standing, a yellowish glow surrounding the figures who were out there. Most of the cast had already gone home for the night; the PR rollercoaster that Eileen had had them all riding for the past week had left them exhausted and, whilst Ivy was still being shuttled from interview to interview, everyone else was able to enjoy four days of respite from it, though they were still expected to turn up for their regularly scheduled eight shows a week, of course. The only slight intrusion on their peace was a visit from Document Broadway, who had sent a writer and a photographer to cover Broadway’s newest addition for their glossy, photo-heavy magazine. Stunning and evocative backstage shots of people standing at mirrors, faces half-lit, and people in silhouette as they did their stretches ebbed seamlessly into colourful shots of the chorus laughing and messing around, Ivy blowing a perfect Marilyn kiss and smirking wardrobe mistresses sewing people back into torn costumes mid-show. The life of the theatre was perfectly captured, and Jessica couldn’t deny she was excited for the spread to appear with its accompanying additional photo gallery online; she had her heart set on somehow wrangling a print of a picture she’d seen on the photographer’s laptop that featured herself and Bobby standing onstage waiting for warm-up, Bobby with his arms folded and his eyebrows arched in apparent sarcasm, his lips twisted in an attempt to smother a smile whilst Jessica herself hung off the crook of his arm, her hair in bunches and her face lit up by a laugh, her free hand poised just above Bobby’s forearm, ready to smack.

 

Now, though, Jessica was officially done for the day and only had one duty left: to let her best friend know she was heading home. She had come to a halt in the wings and she paused to watch the ramshackle group on stage. They were performing a hybrid routine that was part-warm-up and part-choreography she recognised from the show, whilst the Document Broadway photographer moved around them, crouching and leaning and then starting again from a new angle. And there, at the head of the group, was the unmistakable outline of Bobby. His head was thrown back, his thick, dark hair wild, and part of his fringe plastered to his forehead, an expression of intense concentration on his face. The smile on Jessica’s lips was somewhere between amusement and admiration and she shook her head slightly, watching him push through a turn section with a grace that gave away nothing of his lack of downtime since Bombshell’s opening.

 

Bobby was usually all for slacking off in the immediate aftermath of opening nights, and he spent most of his time in rehearsals and warm-ups finding ways to make as little effort as possible without getting fired, but Jessica suspected he was going the extra mile in Bombshell for Ivy’s sake, doing whatever was in his power to help make it a success for her. The morning that the Document Broadway duo had arrived, Bobby hadn’t even let out one whine of protest when Eileen had appointed him their official chaperone, gladly giving them any information and insights they needed, helping them set up their shots and hunting down the people they wanted interviews with, organising good times for portrait sessions and the like, all the while talking them through the routines and rituals of the show, as well as giving them the full Chorus Boy Guided Tour, which mostly involved telling them as many salacious secrets as he thought he could get away with whilst walking them down seemingly endless corridors. Jessica didn’t know where he found the energy, although that wasn’t to say she hadn’t noticed him splashing cold water onto his face to wake himself up before the show that night, even spotting him stifling a yawn in the middle of History Is Made At Night.

 

‘That’s great guys – you think you could take a break for a minute while I see what shots I got?’ the photographer shouted over the sound of the music, standing up and glancing to Bobby for the ok as the group of dancers came to a skidding halt.

‘Sure, no problem,’ Bobby answered through heavy breaths. Jessica could hear the exhaustion behind his words but he managed a passable smile as the photographer disappeared from view. Bobby turned slowly and moved over to his speakers in order to pause the music, grabbing a towel up from the floor beside them. ‘Go get some water, guys, I can yell if they need us back,’ he told the others, glancing back at them over his shoulder and rolling his eyes with feigned disinterest. Stand-in dance captain for the after-hours session clearly wasn’t a job he was relishing, but Jessica was sure he loved the fact that he was getting to boss people around. She could even see the faint sparkle in his brown eyes as he reached for his water bottle and took a swig, watching idly as the group dispersed. They were mostly swings, likely happy just to get a chance at being more involved and therefore more willing to stay behind for extra work, but Jessica recognised a smattering of ensemble members and wondered to herself, briefly, just what Bobby had said to them to persuade them to stick around for whatever it was Document Broadway had asked of him.

 

Bobby turned around, bending his head and, with a flick of his hand, produced his phone as if by magic. With her best friend distracted, Jessica decided to take her opportunity and quickly stepped out onto the stage, tiptoeing over to him before bouncing the final inches up to his side, bumping her shoulder into his back.

‘I hope they’re paying you extra for this, Chorus Boy,’ she said, leaning in with a mischievous smile, but Bobby didn’t even flinch, that feline smirk of his instant as he turned to glance back at her, eyes sparkling.

‘Oh, hey, nice to see you too, Jess,’ he remarked dryly, turning to face her. ‘And please, like I want to risk depriving the world of seeing my face,’ he added, flicking his hair from his face and striking a pose.

 

Jessica rolled her eyes and pinched his bicep playfully, ducking expertly when he swotted back at her.

‘You know they don’t had out Tonys for the Biggest Ego On Broadway, right?’ she teased.

‘This is why I like the Document Broadway people: they actually _appreciate me_ ,’ Bobby sighed, before slowly letting his smile soften. ‘So, Loser – you cutting out on me?’ he asked, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. ‘Hey, I get it. Publicity Quest Broadway is not for everyone.’

‘You’re just jealous of the full twelve hours of sleep I’m going to get,’ Jessica laughed, elbowing him in his side and looking up at him from under her lashes, blue eyes glittering.

‘Urgh,’ Bobby groaned, suddenly letting out a yawn. ‘Seriously? I can’t remember the last time I went to bed for longer than five hours. And I don’t mean that in the good, fun, cocktails-and-dancing-‘til-dawn way.’ He pulled a face. ‘Eileen’s really gone overboard with the PR – this has got to be the craziest schedule I’ve ever pulled for a show, even a new one.’

‘Tell me about it,’ Jessica mumbled, nuzzling into her best friend’s side and trying to stifle a yawn of her own.

 

Bobby’s skin was warm against her cheek, his heartbeat steady and familiar, and she let her eyes close for a moment, leaning her weight against him in a well-worn pose of theirs. The moment of calm struck her as strangely comforting when she thought back over the chaos of the past few weeks, and she smiled to herself, twisting to look up into Bobby’s face, the edges of which were unusually soft. His arm had gradually wrapped around her more tightly so that her cheek rested against his bicep, and he was watching with mild disinterest as the photographer reappeared, reaching into his camera bag before doing something complicated with various lenses.

‘There is nothing glamourous about Broadway,’ Bobby murmured then, his stare blank, and Jessica smirked fondly.

‘Hey, you love Broadway,’ she scolded.

‘No. I love you and attention. And that’s it. That’s all the appeal.’ He flicked a glance down at her, meeting her eyes and barely smothering his grin, seemingly sensing that the word ‘lies’ was on the tip of her tongue and not wanting to let her say it. ‘Now shut up and go get some sleep, Glitter Bug. I’ll see you tomorrow for notes, ok?’

 

For most of the walk home it was all Jessica could do to keep her eyes open. The New York air was cold and harsh against her cheeks, but she burrowed down inside the soft, royal blue cashmere of her scarf – a birthday gift from Bobby – and turned her music up a little louder, pressing on towards home with sleepy determination. The thought of curling up in her bed, surrounded by cushions and blankets and stuffed animals, made her smile and quicken her pace slightly. As much as she loved her best friend and his immaculate home, when it came down to it, she knew the two of them could never live together on any sort of permanent basis without driving each other crazy; he was forever teasing her for her chaotic bedroom, the plethora of cushions in clashing patterns and colours piled high on the bed, a mismatch of sparkles and feathers on every surface, abandoned clothes, blankets and stuffed animals haphazardly decorating every corner, all of it lit by criss-crossing strings of fairylights which hung above. It wasn’t organised or tidy like his bedroom, but Jessica thought it had its own, unique charm, and she insisted there was nowhere better to curl up in winter with a hot chocolate and a movie – it was a point even Bobby reluctantly conceded, though only when pressed and never without some reference to how she was still the messiest person he knew. Jessica smiled and ducked down a well-worn shortcut.

 

As she finally made it to her building she began to wind her headphones up hastily whilst simultaneously fishing around for her keys. Juggling two bags and her headphones, she tottered up the stairs, hardly bothering to look up as she came to her floor, walking in an untidy zigzag towards her front door without once noticing that there was someone already sitting outside of it.

 

‘Jessie.’ Jessica jumped, letting out an alarmed gasp and jumping backwards instinctively as a figure shot suddenly into her line of vision; a man, bouncing to his feet and unfurling to his full height, towering dangerously above her, even in her heels. It took a moment for her eyes to focus properly, and once they did she wasn’t sure whether she felt more or less afraid; it was Jake. Volatile, sarcastic, boisterous, ex-boyfriend Jake was standing in front of her, looking every bit like he’d just tumbled out from one of her old photographs. He was effortlessly stylish in his leather jacket, distressed jeans and tight-fitting black henley. His brown eyes were sharp and glinting, his face lean and guarded in the shadows. He was as handsome as ever – painfully handsome – and the brooding look he wore on his face seemed – impossibly – to emphasize that fact. Jessica felt suddenly self-conscious and out of place, standing in front of him with her wind-pinked cheeks, flyway hairs sticking to the sides of her face. Her hair was in haphazard bunches, nothing like the usual immaculate hairstyles she constructed for herself after a show, and she supposed the look clashed somewhat with the smart coat and shoes she’d chosen to wear that morning.

 

Jake opened his mouth and then closed it again, digging his hands into his pockets and biting his lip. ‘Jessie,’ he said again, more softly this time, and Jessica used the relative quiet to gather her wits. ‘I didn’t mean to scare you, I know what it looks like me showing up here like this but I didn’t…I mean, you’ve been ignoring all my calls and I-’

‘And you hunted me down?’ she cut in sharply, suddenly standing a little straighter. Whilst she’d always had a weakness when it came to Jake, she had never been a pushover, and she was not impressed that her ex thought it was still ok to drop by unannounced after so long not even being in her life. ‘Jake, what are you doing here?’ she asked, her tone exasperated and her blue eyes sparkling defiantly and she looked him up and down.

‘Come on, Jess, you remember our talk a few weeks back, right? Please…are you not at least going to invite me in before we do this, Jessie?’

 

Jake laughed uncomfortably, rubbing the back of his neck in a gesture which was painfully familiar to her. She blew out a steady breath, folding her arms and pursing her lips. ‘Jessie,’ he wheedled and she glared back at him for a moment before reluctantly stepping around him to get to her door.

‘This is still not ok, Jake,’ she muttered through gritted teeth as she set about unlocking the door. Behind her Jake shuffled his feet awkwardly but didn’t offer an apology, and Jessica rolled her eyes. She suddenly, desperately wished she’d taken Bobby up on his offer that morning to walk her home – but at the time the extra three quarters of an hour she would have had to wait for him to be finished and ready to go had simply seemed like too much wasted time away from her bed. She regretted it bitterly now.

 

The lock was tricky, and there was a knack to pushing the door open which only she and Bobby had ever mastered, but she was grateful of having something to take out her aggression on. As she heard the lock clunk she gladly put her full weight into pushing open the heavy door and, in a determined, sweeping motion, she burst through it and made straight for the centre of the room, dumping her keys and bags on the nearest surfaces as she went before executing a sharp, perfect turn on her heel in order to face Jake, who stood by the door, his hands by his sides and his dark eyes taking in the tiny room, no doubt cataloguing what changes had been made since the last time he’d been there. Jessica put her hands on her hips and stared him down, trying not to catalogue the changes in him (more tan, more muscular, the vaguest hint of laugh lines forming around the eyes.)

 

‘Why are you here, Jake? You have two minutes to explain and then you need to get out of here, because I’ve just opened a show on Broadway and am in the middle of PR madness right now, so this needs to be good.’

‘Ok, Jessie, I get it,’ Jake sighed, his voice soft and rough and his eyes sad. It didn’t get to her as much as it used to, though, and she didn’t so much as flinch. Jake let his head fall back and he stared up at the ceiling for a moment. ‘I tried calling again. I wanted to talk to you properly, meet up for coffee or something.’

‘Why?!’ Jessica asked, impatient and frowning, and Jake looked back at her then, eyebrows raised. He had expressive eyebrows, Jake did. Could tell you more with one raised eyebrow than he could with words sometimes. One of those few things he actually had in common with her best friend.

‘Jessie don’t be like this.’

‘ _One_ minute.’ She folded her arms. ‘And don’t call me Jessie, like you’ve been in my life at all since you _dumped_ me. Or had you forgotten?’

‘I just want to talk to you, Jess. Have you back in my life again. I miss you…I’ve missed you so much, Jessie. Whilst I’ve been out of town I’ve really realised how good we were, you know? But now I’m back and I want to make things right.’

‘That would take some doing, Jake,’ Jessica murmured, finally looking away and biting on her lip.  Jake mistakenly took it as her weakening and stepped a little closer. Jessica instantly looked back over at him and he stilled, just for a moment, recognizing the steel in her eyes.

‘Will you please just…just let me try?’

 

Jessica stared at him and he stepped a little closer, causing her to take a protective step back. He let out a small, almost imperceptible, huff, stopping again and fixing her with his most pleading look. This was clearly harder work than he had anticipated; and he so hated when people made him work for what he wanted, Jessica remembered that very clearly.

‘Jessie, please. Listen to me…you and me…we were good together, weren’t we?’ Jessica let out a derisive laugh but Jake ignored her. ‘I know we fought but we were young when we got together, you know? And I think the time apart was good for us. I grew up a lot working out on the road, Jess. And I missed you like hell.’

‘Yeah?’ Jessica asked, shaking her head. ‘Well I didn’t miss you. Not…not for a long time now, anyway.’

 

Jake had never been one for not getting his own way, and his natural reaction to an obstacle was usually anger. Strangely, Jessica found she was as relieved as she was frustrated to see the shift of emotions across his face. She saw him clenching and unclenching his fists and it sparked off a hundred different memories in her head; he was never violent, just constantly restless, always moving, his hands always needing something to keep them occupied. Antsy and temperamental. He’d always been that way – she had a sketchy outline of his troubled past and suspected a psychiatrist would have a field day with him and his dancing fingers and his quick, dark wit and his sad, moody eyes. He was fascinating, funny and troubled in equal measure, and having him standing in front of her again reminded her of all the reasons she loved him, though that love was reassuringly distant, she realised now. He shifted his weight a little, eyes darkening, and she drew in a sharp breath, ready for the familiar hit of his irritation and the sharp, cruel glint in his stare. But, to her surprise, it didn’t come. Instead all his bitterness seemed reserved for one person – and it wasn’t her.

‘This is about you little friend Bobby, isn’t it?’

 

For a moment Jessica blinked back at him, uncomprehending, but even as the silence stretched out between them, Jake’s stare lost none of its heat or intensity, as though he expected her to understand what any of this had to do with her best friend, as if the fact she still knew Bobby at all was an obvious crime.

‘What has any of this got to do with Bobby?!’ Jessica managed at last, looking back at Jake incredulously. ‘He’s my best friend and I love him more than anything but he knows it’s my life – I make my own decisions. Bobby doesn’t own me any more than you do, Jake.’

‘Oh please,’ Jake scoffed and Jessica scowled back at him.

‘I mean it, Jake. _Bobby_ understands that.’ She shook her head in irritation, turning around and tugging frustratedly at her hair. ‘God, why have you always hated him so much?! It’s just always been the same with you.’

‘Because that prissy _queen_ is always hanging around you, running your life.’

‘That ‘queen’ is my _best friend_ , actually, and he’s _always_ looked out for me, even when you haven’t, so don’t you dare talk about him like he’s somehow less. You _always_ do this! You can never resist a dig at him – and for what?! Caring about me? Making me feel like I deserve better than you? For being everything you _wish_ you were?’

 

But as she stared at him with righteous anger, she realised his expression was changing again, disbelief slowly starting to settle across his features, his lips parting slightly, and it made her nervous. Jake shook his head and flashed her a humourless smile.

‘Oh my God, he hasn’t told you, has he?’ For a moment he regarded her, his eyes raking over her in assessment – the look he gave her was unnerving, a delicate balance of pity and self-satisfaction that only Jake could ever manage. ‘Wow.’ He dragged out the sound for effect and leant back a little, folding his arms. The leather of his jacket strained across his biceps and he seemed to be standing a little taller suddenly, as if he felt the balance of power had shifted. ‘You know, I never thought you should trust him the way you do…but at least I never thought he was a coward. Guess I was wrong, huh?’ he remarked with a brittle laugh that was arrogant and cruel and made Jessica’s anger rise. She drew in a shaky breath and braced herself.

‘Shut up. You don’t know anything about him so you don’t have the right to judge him,’ she snarled, but Jake simply smirked, taking a step towards her.

‘Yeah? Well your precious little friend’s been keeping secrets from you, Babe. Which is almost impressive, given the size of his mouth.’

 

Jessica opened her mouth to protest but Jake arched an eyebrow and she stilled. It was strange but, as much as she wanted to shout him down, to disagree, to defend the best friend who she loved and trusted more than anyone else in the world…she still felt a tendril of dread beginning to curl in her stomach. Because Jake had always been cocky, cool and self-assured. But when it came to Bobby, he’d never looked so _sure_. Mean comments, pouts, muttered remarks made in passing when he thought she wasn’t listening, oh sure, there was plenty of that. But a stand-up fight? Jake didn’t like to start those unless he thought he stood a chance of winning.

‘Bobby is my _best friend_.’ She realised how much that sounded like a plea, heard the catch in her own voice. But Jake didn’t seem to care just how precious the thing he might be about to destroy was, too focused on the satisfaction he had always drawn from winning an argument.

‘Your _best friend_ is the reason I quit town, Jessie.’ She saw a flash of teeth when he spoke.

‘You’re lying, Bobby wouldn’t-’

‘Bobby wouldn’t, what? Go behind your back?’ Jake laughed, rolling his eyes.

 

He’d always liked to imagine she was so naïve and he clearly saw this revelation as some sort of triumph. Panic, disbelief and devastation warred for dominance and Jessica felt an icy cold come over her, goose bumps prickling along her upper arms. She shook her head, not really sure what it was she was denying but desperate to make it all stop. ‘He came to me a week after our last break up, Jessie. Whilst you were still hiding out at his place and blocking my calls.’ Jake glanced away, pulling a face. ‘I know I gave you a lot of crap that time, Jessie, I know it was bad and I get that he wanted to make up for that but…the guy _drove me out of town_ , Jessie. Told me not to call you again or he’d call in some more favours and make my life hell. I was already looking at a lifetime stuck dying in regional theatre because of his stupid gossip grapevine, I couldn’t risk it! Do you know how hard rigging jobs on tour are? The rigs change on each venue, things don’t fit, you’re taking stuff up and down and reworking it constantly…my career was going nowhere because of him, Jessie. What did you expect me to do?!’

 

For a moment, Jessica said nothing. Tears were pooling in her eyes as she stared at a point just above Jake’s head. In her head she was slowly cataloguing every interaction she’d had with Bobby since the time Jake had disappeared – without a word to her – from New York, trying to detect any hint of deception, trying to remember if he’d outright lied or just left out enough details to avoid the truth. She searched desperately through her memories, trying to think of any moment where he might have been about to tell her and she’d stopped him, or where he’d confessed all and she’d misunderstood. But she came up with nothing. Her best friend had run her most significant ex-boyfriend out of town and told him not to call her…without once asking her permission, or at least telling her what he’d done. She wanted to collapse, curl up, cry about it, maybe even scream. But something stopped her, Jake’s words finally making it through the shock: _what did you expect me to do_. She blinked suddenly, everything snapping into focus as she stared at him in dazed fury.

‘What did I expect you to do?!’ she repeated, loud and incredulous. Jake flinched, confusion registering across his handsome features, and Jessica leant forwards, keeping her arms wrapped around herself protectively even as she glared across the room at her ex. ‘I expected you to _tell me_ , Jake! I expected you to maybe show me that you were worth all the heart-ache by finding me, not giving a damn about what my best friend might or might not have said to you, and telling me you were _wrong_ or that you were _sorry_ or that maybe you realised that I deserved a hell of a lot better than your lies! But no – you did what you always do, Jake. You protected yourself, all the while totally ignoring the fact that _no-one speaks for me_! Not even Bobby!’

‘Jessie-’

‘Get out!’

‘Jess,’ Jake tried again, taking a tentative step forwards, but Jessica’s eyes flashed and he stopped in his tracks.

‘Get. Out. I’m done with you Jake. And not because of Bobby or because of my job or because I don’t want a relationship; it’s because I don’t want _you_. And I haven’t for a long time and I’m never going to again because you’re a jackass and I deserve better. Now get out and don’t ever bother me again – I don’t care what your excuse is. I’m _done_. Goodbye, Jake. Get out of my place. Now!’

 

Jake stared at her a moment, a frown on his face, his lip curling slightly in a mixture of anger and confusion; he didn’t like to lose, he hated it actually, but he didn’t seem to like the idea of a girlfriend willing to call him on his bullshit either. He took a step back and held his hands up in mock-surrender, forcing his muscles to unclench slightly as he rolled his eyes at her – she could still see one muscle twitching in his cheek, though, betraying his agitation.

‘Fine. Have it your way, Jessica. But that fag is screwing you over way more than I ever did.’ And with that parting shot, he backed away slowly, casting her his best disdainful look before disappearing through the door with a sweeping flourish and an elegant turn on his heel. Jessica stood watching the space where he had been standing, caught between fury and pain, every nerve-ending in her body tingling and her eyes still stinging with unshed tears.

 

She wasn’t sure how long she stood there – the silence broken only by the sound of her own body vibrating with a hundred conflicting emotions – but for some reason she couldn’t seem to will herself to move. Her breathing was shaky and scratchy in her throat and she covered her face with her hands, taking a moment to try to slow down her haywire heartbeat. And then a sound startled her: the vaguely-muffled sound of music coming from across the room. She peeked out from between her fingers, turning towards the sound as it grew stronger. It was coming from her phone, still inside her bag which was slumped in the corner of the couch where she’d hastily dumped it as she’d stormed into the room. It took her a moment to really process that someone was calling her, but she still didn’t move. Because she knew who was calling: the one person she couldn’t speak to right now. _Bobby_. She was supposed to check in with him, let him know she got home safely, and he’d probably keep calling all night if she didn’t answer. But should couldn’t bring herself to do anything other than stare blankly as her phone rang out inside her bag.

 

 

 

***

 

_‘So I come back, and I find her fast asleep in the middle of the floor, covered in glitter, using this wrapping paper as a blanket, and all I could think was ‘I am gonna end up making so many memories with this girl’ – you know? It was like…she was already my best friend, but suddenly I realised she was actually on some whole other level. Seriously. She was ridiculous and crazy and the sweetest person I’d ever met and I wanted her to be in all my stories, and I wanted to be in all of hers. And when she woke up the next morning and we were in my kitchen together talking, she didn’t tell me off for the fact I’d let everything descend into disaster. She just kept laughing, telling me she hadn’t ever known anyone like me…and she looked at me like I was special.’ Bobby pulled a face, looking away self-consciously. ‘God, Ivy. I shouldn’t even be talking about this – we’ve got to make half-hour and you’re not even ready yet.’ He sighed. ‘I just hate thinking that the one person who ever really looked at me like that has changed her mind about it all, you know? I hate that that is just always in the back of my mind now. Like…maybe I was wrong. And maybe she would’ve been better off without me in her stories after all.’_

***

 

The Lily Hayes was a hive of activity when Jessica finally made it into work the next day; a fresh wave of positivity seemed to have descended on the cast, although Jessica suspected that had more to do with the fact that almost all of them had had their first full night of sleep in weeks the night before. Music tumbled out of one of the chorus dressing rooms; the door was all the way open and there was a gaggle of girls sitting on the floor in the doorway, all staring down at something on one of their phones. Amber and Sue were standing just behind them, Sue leaning elegantly against the doorframe whilst Amber stood on her tiptoes, attempting to peer around her to see whatever it was the others were looking at. Jessica ducked her head as she passed them, trying as hard as she could to make her footsteps lighter and wishing she knew some secret backstairs which she could sneak up instead of having to make her way through the busy corridors. Unlike everyone else, Jessica was surviving off five hours of patchy, disturbed sleep and she wasn’t in the right frame of mind for her castmates’ questions. She would have called in sick, but then she knew Bobby would have come running, all worried about her and putting her tired eyes down to a case of the sniffles as he made soup and fussed over her. God, any other day and that thought would’ve made her smile, would’ve made her seriously consider making the call. She bit down on her lip and headed determinedly for the next flight of stairs – why the boys were all in the upper floors was beyond her but at least the higher stairs seemed to be quieter than the lower floors.

 

Up on the top floor, where Bobby’s dressing room was tucked away at the end of a dimly lit corridor, almost no sound could be heard. Leaning on the top bannister was Jack – a shy swing and the youngest member of the cast – talking in a low, dejected tone on his phone. He didn’t look up as Jessica climbed the stairs, instead focused on a point in the middle-distance, rubbing his forehead tiredly before letting his shaggy blonde hair fall back across it. Jessica paused, her good nature forcing her to seriously consider stopping, asking him what was wrong, seeing if she could help, or at least make him feel a little better. But he let out a sigh and began talking to whoever was on the line once more, so she stepped back, letting him having his privacy. As much as a distraction would be nice, she really wanted to face up to her own problems whilst she still had the nerve. She hated seeking out answers she knew she didn’t want, but at the same time, the gnawing doubt and mistrust made her feel ill. She took a deep breath and pushed herself forwards, down to the second of the two boys’ chorus dressing rooms.

 

The door was slightly ajar and inside all was dark and quiet. Jessica paused cautiously at the door, peering around it nervously, but no-one was inside and she let out a breath she suspected she’d been holding ever since she’d left her place that morning. Bobby’s seat was by the door on the right hand side of the room, and she saw his dance bag dumped beneath it, one of his favourite scarves hanging neatly over the chair-back. So he was in then.

 

She pulled the chair out and flopped down into it, flicking on the lights which surrounding the mirror and smiling despite herself when his neat little corner of the theatre was revealed in all its glory. His dressing table was precisely laid out, an assortment of hairsprays and gels lined up beneath the mirror, arranged by size and colour, and a smart, red washbag adorned only with the words ‘Attention Seeker’ in black glitter sat half-open in the middle of the space – Jessica toyed with the sparkly keychain on the zip. She took a moment to study his mirror; it was lined with so many cards and pictures that there was only a specifically Bobby-height rectangle of space which it was actually practical to look at yourself in, and at the top of the rectangle was a cheesy inspirational quote cut from some magazine. Jessica smiled sadly, shaking her head slightly – it was another of Bobby’s many random traditions, picked up from a dear friend of his who spent most of his time on world tours and the like, making Bobby miss him more than he’d ever admit. Jessica always thought it was funny how someone so cool and sharp could be so oddly sentimental at times. She squinted up at the quote and smirked. Where usually there was something supposedly profound that Bobby would read aloud ironically before particularly dreaded performances, an excerpt of Katy Perry’s ‘Waking Up In Vegas’ had been placed instead. She could just imagine Bobby’s deadpan drawl reading the words out before some dreary December matinee, and she laughed despite herself.

 

Bobby had fewer good luck cards than she did – most of his friends texted those sorts of sentiments to him – but there were a couple from his family, one from his friend Dawn, a crayon scribble which she assumed had come from his cute little cousin. The same friend who had started the Inspirational Quote Tradition had sent a card, and she wondered idly what corner of the world it might have come from this time, though she managed to stop herself from looking inside in search of clues, her appetite for information turned in only one direction for now.

 

She turned her eyes down, stopping only briefly when she noticed the picture of the two of them he had chosen for his Lily Hayes dressing room; a selfie-style shot of the two of them huddled together, wrapped up in a hotel room blanket, their hair sleep-mussed but their smiles all bliss and contentment. Jessica remembered that day. Out-of-town try-out of a musical about New York in the 30s – the whole idea a bad rip-off of West Side Story in terms of plot, the director a flake and the funding so bad that the cast had had to help source their own costumes. God it had been fun though. And one morning she and Bobby had woken up early, grey dawn light falling across the room and making everything seem hazy and distant and cool, crisp air dancing in with the vaguest hints of sunbeams, the result of a window left open the night before. It had been one of her bouts of homesickness that had coaxed Bobby over to her bed, wrapping the two of them up in it and laughing into her hair as she wriggled around complaining about his freezing cold hands. They’d shared stories, Taylor Swift blasting out of Bobby’s iPod (from a time before she got played on anything other than Country radio), before hunting down the remote for the room’s TV and settling on some obscure music station, laughing at the worst of the music videos and re-enacting them until they couldn’t stand anymore for laughing. Bobby had pulled the blankets onto the floor and Jessica remembered thinking she wasn’t so sick for home after all. Bobby was home. Or at least, all the same safety and comfort could be found in him as could be found in her childhood room or her dad’s arms, under her apartment’s fairylights or on her couch in winter. She wondered if she could ever feel like that again, knowing what she knew now.

 

 ‘Oh, whatever, I’m not even talking to you anymore!’ Jessica glanced back over her shoulder, her back straightening at the sound of Bobby’s voice – flat and droll – echoing down the corridor. ‘Hey, seriously, Jack, don’t worry about it, ok?’ The muffled sound of Jack’s response was drowned out by Bobby’s laugh, and a moment later the dressing room door creaked open.

 

Bobby seemed to do a double take when he spotted her, stalling slightly in the doorway, his face splitting into one of his rare, wide, genuine grins. ‘Well he-ey!’ he beamed, folding his arms and kicking the door closed behind him, one eyebrow suddenly arching as he fixed his beady brown eyes on her. ‘What happened to you last night? I was worried! I tried to call to check you got home safe but you never picked up.’ Jessica glanced down into her lap as he leant forwards to drop a casual kiss to the top of her head before spinning swiftly away from her, reaching for a chair and dragging it over to be next to hers. ‘I knew you were tired so I just figured you’d crashed out on your couch, but I swear, I was like _this_ close to calling the cops.’ She could see him out of the corner of her eye, could see the moment he stopped and really looked at her. She could even feel the path of his eyes as he studied her face. ‘Hey, Jess, look at me,’ he said softly, so softly she actually obeyed the command despite herself, meeting those deep brown eyes of his properly for the first time since he’d entered the room. ‘Hey.’ It was even softer now, tender and concerned, and he leant forwards slightly, his brow furrowed. ‘What’s wrong, Glitter Bug? You ok?’ Jessica looked down at her hands and drew in a breath.

‘Were you the one who drove Jake out of town?’

 

She could barely manage more than a whisper and there was a catch in her voice. But the room stilled when she spoke all the same, those words seeming to hang in the air around them, making it thick and dense. She knew he heard the silent plea beneath her words: please say no. But she also knew his face, could see the flinch he tried his best to hide. ‘Jake came by my place last night. Camped out on my doorstep in some hair-brained scheme to win me back. When I told him where to go, he just assumed I wasn’t capable of making decisions on my own, figured I needed my best friend to come and speak for me.’ She looked into Bobby’s eyes once more, her mouth forming a hard, cold line. ‘He told me you threatened him into leaving, that _you_ were the reason he stayed away as long as he did.’

‘God, he’s been back in town five minutes and he’s already giving you a hard time, Jess,’ Bobby protested, but Jessica shook her head, standing and starting to pace the room.

 

‘Bobby,’ she hissed, hating the slight crack in her voice as she did. He looked away, and his face told her everything. She stopped still and turned to face him. ‘So it really is true then? You went _behind my back_ to get him to go?’ He didn’t reply and she felt a prickle of irritation in her chest. ‘Because, what? You thought I was too weak to make a decision for myself? Or did you just not like him and wanted him out of my life regardless?’

‘Jess-’

‘No, no, you don’t get to do that, you don’t get to speak to me like that guy who’s my best friend who tells me everything. _You lied to me_ , Bobby!’

‘I never lied, Jess,’ Bobby shot back quickly, standing sharply and folding his arms defensively, a little of his fire suddenly coming back to him.

 

Jessica whirled round to face gihim, her face all disbelief, her blue eyes wide.

‘It was a lie of omission, Bobby! That doesn’t make it ok!’

‘I was looking out for you! I didn’t tell you coz I knew you wouldn’t like it – but I knew he wouldn’t leave you alone if I didn’t do it! You needed space, time – I bought that space and time, that’s all. I never told him to never come back.’

‘And if it was all so good for me and so innocent and so right, then why would you hide it from me? Why would you not tell me?’ Bobby looked away, shaking his head. Jessica thought she could see the beginnings of tears in his eyes.

‘Because that’s not who I am with you, ok? Calling in favours, spreading rumours, screwing with someone’s life…it’s not who I am with you. I just didn’t want to risk that over a lowlife like Jake, you know? I wanted to protect you but I couldn’t find a better way of doing it. So I broke some of my own rules just for the sake of screwing with him. And I’m not going to apologise for buying you the time and space you needed to get over him. He deserved what he got and it’s as simple as that: he called me so many awful things it got to the point where I was almost driving him out for both of us.’

 

Jessica stared at him, watched him look back up at her, brown eyes defiant. He shrugged. ‘I’m sorry you’re hurt, Jess. You have to know how sorry I am about that. And I’m sorry that it sucked and I’m sorry he told you before I did. I meant to tell you some day but…the longer it went the more I thought it didn’t matter. And then it was too hard to even bring it up. But I’m not still sorry that I did it. And I’m not sorry that I didn’t come to you when you were still wrecked over that last break-up and start asking you to make calls you’re too good of a person to ever have made.’

‘Are you serious?’ Jessica let out a sharp, humourless laugh. ‘You’re seriously trying to make this all sound so noble and right and good, like you did this big thing for me – but you didn’t! You screwed with someone’s _whole life_ , Bobby! And you did it in _my name_! And the worst part, the worst part of all of this – you never once stopped, in all the years since, you never stopped and thought to tell me, to warn me! Even when I told you Jake was back in town. You sat there, acting like you were such a good best friend to me, acting like we knew all of each other’s secrets, acting like I could trust you with my life. And the whole time – the whole time that you were in my home and my life and my family and my world – you were keeping this huge thing from me. You went behind my back, Bobby! You went behind my back with a huge decision that affects someone I used to care about, and you didn’t even _hint_ to me that anything was wrong! What kind of a terrible friend does that? What kind of a terrible _person_ does that?!’

 

Jessica’s eyes had blurred Bobby’s outline, and for a moment she struggled to make out his face. She could see how he’d stilled though, how his muscles had tensed, and as the mist finally cleared, as a little of her anger receded and she caught her breath, she was able to make out the look in his eyes; it was a look of total devastation. Destruction. Something inside Bobby had stopped. Snapped. Shattered. For a moment she was confused, staring at him in disgust and fury – he owed her some sort of response, and, given what he’d done, he had no right to look like the wronged party, had no right to look so hurt so…lost. And then she blinked away a little of the muggy anger still hanging over her: that’s when she realised what she’d said. She felt the smallest of gasps at the back of her throat, her eyes widening in regret. Bobby’s expression was hard, cold, almost disconnected, but the desolation was still in his eyes; a look she’d sworn to prevent ever entering those dark eyes again, and now she’d put it there. She moved her lips but couldn’t seem to form any words, and she watched, silently, as Bobby swallowed and turned his eyes down, effectively blocking her out. For a moment they just stood there, wordless and quiet, the only sound that of their heavy breathing – an oppressive, scratchy sound in the small, dim space.

 

‘You know, all the time, people say I have no loyalties _._ ’ Bobby’s voice was so soft – so low – that for a moment Jessica didn’t realise he’d started speaking. She looked over at him uncertainly, blue eyes wide. He was still looking down, head bent, his face twisted into a frown that was a mixture of hurt and concentration. ‘And that's fine. I was ok with that; let them think that, let them never know.’ He swallowed again, looking up at her from the corner of his eye. He bit his lip and she realised that he was crying. _Really_ crying. His eyes were glassy and there was a tear track running down one cheek. ‘And you know why, Jess? Because I had this one friend who knew. There was this one girl who was the sweetest thing I'd ever seen. And she knew I wasn't like that. She knew. I had...I had the best friend in the world and she trusted me – trusted me to take risks sometimes that maybe she couldn’t or wouldn’t, but that she knew I had to take, for me to be who I am, for me to show the people I care about that I care. And I was ok with that. That made everything ok, actually. Having someone who didn’t always like the things I did, but who understood why I had to do them. And it made me not terrible; her seeing me, her understanding…it made _believe_ her when she said I wasn’t terrible. Having that…it was the only thing that got me through some days. _I’m not terrible, I’m just Bobby_. She made that be something I wanted to be – believed I could be. Or at least...that's what I thought.’ He met her gaze fully then, giving a small, forlorn shake of his head. ‘I guess I was wrong, huh?’ he murmured brokenly.

 

For a moment they stood there, facing each other, the thread that normally connected them seemingly broken beyond repair and both of them floating, lost, in a vast ocean, their limbs too heavy to swim. ‘I have to…I have to go…I need to…get out of here.’ Bobby’s voice was a scratchy whisper, but it still startled Jessica slightly and she watched, alarmed, as he turned on his heel and headed for the door without so much as a glance in her direction. She waited, constantly expecting him to stop, to turn around, to give the two of them one last chance to fix this before the damage could be left to fester and become irreparable. But he never did.

‘Bobby,’ she choked out as his hand came to rest on the door handle. He paused, closed his eyes, took a breath. But he didn’t turn around, instead pulling the door open abruptly and disappearing out into the corridor. 'No, Bobby, wait!’ she called, finally managing to force her legs to move and launching herself across the dressing room. She grabbed the doorframe and leant against it, gripping it as though her life depended on it. ‘Please don't go… _Bobby_!’ She was insistent as she stared after Bobby’s retreating form, but he didn’t look back, instead quickening his step and disappearing down the theatre’s stairs. Jessica stood looking at the space where he’d been, her hands falling to her sides. She felt tears in her own eyes now but for some reason they didn’t fall – some of her anger from before still lingering, her forgiveness not won just because she’d screwed up and crossed the line as well. ‘I'm sorry, I didn't mean...I wasn't thinking...Bobby! Bobby?!’ she tried one final time, but he was long gone. She fell back against the doorframe with a choked half-sob, letting her head drop to her hands as she slid down it to sit on the floor. ‘Please don't leave.’

 

Word never took long to spread through a Broadway cast. Ivy was sitting with Jessica within ten minutes, with half the cast searching the theatre for Bobby and whispering to each other when they thought Jessica couldn’t see them. The problem with a show is that it’s too tight knit for privacy – everything affects everyone, one small fight can have the same impact as an earthquake, changing the whole landscape and atmosphere of the theatre in minutes. It would’ve been true of any fight, of any drama or upset, but Bobby and Jessica’s friendship was such a part of the cast’s make-up, such a part of the Broadway furniture and the folklore of Bombshell, that it was impossible to shake the sad, empty feeling which had permeated the backstage air. Everyone spoke in soft voices, or didn’t speak at all. The usual movement and frantic energy of the half-hour was subdued and tense, and still no-one could find Bobby, though instinct told them not to prepare an understudy. Instinct or perhaps loyalty, Jessica didn’t want to think too hard about it, if she was honest. Ivy let her get ready in her dressing room, something she was enormously grateful for, and she was allowed to do her hair and make-up in silence, running through the show in her head the whole time. She had to recite every line under her breath to keep her focus on anything but her best friend, and Ivy seemed to understand, passing no comment on the odd ritual as she dressed. No-one had the full story of their fight except Ivy and Jessica dreaded stepping outside the dressing room door for fear an inquisition would start; Bobby was beloved in their cast, and as far as her universal friendliness went in people’s affections, strangely it was Bobby’s unwavering honesty that seemed to garner the fiercest loyalty.

 

As it turned out, Bobby did reappear, as though from the ether, at the beginners’ call. As Jessica stood waiting in the wings, she heard the small ripple of whispers spreading through the darkness behind her, and she turned, watching as her castmates glanced in her direction, concerned and uncertain, before moving off to take their places, keeping their heads down. Jessica turned back to the stage, and when she looked across at the opposite wings, she finally saw him for herself. It was odd, somehow, watching him from a distance like that. Of course, they saw each other across the stage every night, Bobby would sometimes blow her a kiss from his spot opposite her, or flash her a wink or one of his wild, bright grins. But looking at him in that moment was different, as though she was watching him from behind a two-way mirror and he didn’t even know she was there. His face looked incredibly pale in the shadows, the angles of his cheekbones catching what light came from the stage and giving his expression a stark, hard quality that was emphasised by his slicked back hair. His eyes glinted quietly, distantly, and his mouth formed a thin, tight line of pale pink. He shifted his weight from foot to foot, his arms folded across his chest. Jessica couldn’t decide if he looked like he was preparing for battle or just trying to hold his bones together – the overture had begun before she had the chance to decide.

 

A strange, sombre mood hung in the air for the rest of the day, the cast all subdued even as they finally left for the night. Ivy went out to sign autographs whilst she waited for the backstage corridors to clear. Jessica left with Ryan, Dane and Callum; the three men flanked her like bodyguards – Ryan and Callum were both tall and sturdy, and what Dane lacked in height he made up for in muscle, though despite this the three men were sweet as honey and they were smiling and laughing as they locked arms with each other, Dane and Ryan either side of Jessica, talking ten to the dozen and even coaxing the odd smile out of her. Ivy watched them go out of the corner of her eye, trying to hold her smile as she posed for a photograph with a fan before standing and blowing out a long breath. Making polite excuses, she turned and headed back inside.

 

The theatre was almost entirely in darkness now. Light came out from under the door of one dressing room, and a couple of crew were standing talking in one of the upper corridors, but for the most part all was quiet. It wasn’t the same quiet as before, the weird atmosphere seeming to have dispersed to be replaced by the peculiarly magical feel of a darkened theatre in winter time; New York, bright and loud beyond the doors, somehow a world away from the dim glow of lights around dressing room mirrors.

 

Bobby was sitting at his dressing table when she found him. One leg pulled up to his chest, eyes down on his phone, hair falling in his eyes. Ivy stood in the open doorway, arms folded, leaning against the doorframe, her head on one side; he had been there for her when she had needed him the most, with the right words and the right smile, but now that it was her turn to give him a little of that support back she simply couldn’t find any words that came close. He’d snuck up on her, Bobby had. He’d always just been The Chorus Boy, Jessica’s best friend, the guy to have fun with and to roll your eyes at and to show you a good time. But suddenly he was _Bobby_ ; full of blunt kindness and light and a million things that needed to be protected and preserved and celebrated. But looking at him in the orange-yellow hum of the dressing room lights now she began to realise that a lifetime of being misunderstood had suddenly caught up to him, and she wasn’t sure she had the words needed to fix that. Maybe no-one did; words were Bobby’s speciality, not theirs. She sighed.

 

‘Rough day, huh?’ she asked softly. Bobby smiled – small and lopsided but oddly sweet – but he didn’t look up.

‘Something like that,’ he replied and Ivy returned his smile, finally pushing herself off the doorframe and into the room, sitting down beside him.

‘So I don’t know if you know this but, there’s this rumour going around that you and Jess got into a fight today.’ Bobby finally put down his phone and looked up at her. There were dark circles under his eyes but that peculiar half-smile was still on his lips, tired but warm, a tell of his gratitude towards her, she knew him well enough now to realise that. ‘So you drove Jake out of town?’ Bobby’s smile twisted into a sad little smirk as he inclined his head in acknowledgement. Ivy smiled. ‘Well, thank God, because that guy has _always_ been a creep. She told you about him showing up at her place last night?’ Ivy shuddered theatrically, winning a soft chuckle from Bobby. ‘Seriously, that guy wasn’t gone a minute too long in my opinion.’ Ivy looked back at Bobby then and shrugged. ‘Honestly? I think Jessica agrees with me too. You know, if she’s honest with herself anyway. And she will be, in time.’

‘Yeah? Not what she told me earlier.’

‘Pretty sure what she told you earlier had everything to do with you letting him spring it on her rather than an out-an-out disagreement with what you actually did,’ Ivy told him gently, meeting his eyes, her gaze intense.

 

Bobby held the look for a moment before shaking his head slightly and glancing down. His thumb was running along the scratch on his phone again and when she looked back at his face she saw it was scrunched up slightly, as if he was concentrating carefully on something only he could see.

‘Look, Iv…Jess is a lot of things.’ A tiny grin flickered briefly across his lips. ‘A mess mostly – and I mean that literally, coz really, have you seen her bedroom?’ He gave a tiny shake of his head and the smile disappeared. ‘But she’s not an idiot. She has a limit.’ He swallowed hard and gave a one-shoulder shrug, still avoiding Ivy’s eyes. ‘I obviously pushed her to it,’ he half-whispered. He was quiet for a moment and Ivy put a gentle hand on his arm, giving it a squeeze. He closed his eyes. ‘Funny...you want someone to see that there isn’t good in everyone only to find out that that means they don’t want to see the good in you anymore either.’ He opened his eyes again then, looking up at where a photograph of him and Jessica was tacked to his mirror. He reached out and smoothed down a bent corner. ‘There’s nothing to say, Ivy; I can’t tell her how to feel about it – I’d suck even more than I already do.’ He glanced over at Ivy, her expression all sympathy and understanding, her blue eyes shimmering in the warm light. ‘And I don’t want to disappoint her, honestly,’ he added, more quietly. ‘Not anymore.’

 

Ivy was about to say something but he shook his head to stop her, sighing deeply before raking a hand through his unruly hair, which was falling in matted half-curls across his forehead. ‘I’m not going to lie and say I regret what I did, because I don’t.’ Ivy inclined her head slightly to acknowledge the point. ‘But I’m not going to fight her on it either, not this time. We’ve fought about everything, you know?’ He looked at Ivy for confirmation but when he saw her frown he offered her a small smirk. ‘Every day we argue about things. She’ll call me an idiot and kick me under the table and it’s over. Simple as that.’ Ivy smiled but tried to smother it as best she could, pursing her lips and nodding, Bobby saw the amusement in her eyes though and he smiled back slightly, rolling his eyes before looking back down at his hands. He fell silent for a moment. ‘I think we do it because we know it doesn’t matter,’ he murmured after a moment. ‘Like – we’d always be able to be ourselves with each other, even when we disagreed. Might as well let it out with someone who’ll still love you after the showdown, you know?’ He sighed. ‘But this time? There’s too much at stake.’

‘Bobby-’ Ivy tried but Bobby shook his head.

‘It’s our whole friendship on the line on this one,’ he said, an intense look in his eyes as he glanced across at Ivy. He held the look for a second before leaning back in his chair, dropping his phone down onto his dressing table and holding up his hands. ‘So I surrender, ok?’ He licked his lips, his eyes on a point in the middle-distance. ‘She’s not going to kick me under the table and call me an idiot and still be there in the morning to get coffee with.’ There was a catch in his voice now, the hopeless little whisper dangerously close to being lost under the sound of his breath. ‘One wrong sentence? And it’s game over.’

 

He sniffed and Ivy could see tears in his eyes; she pulled her chair a little closer to his, pressing a kiss to his cheek. He closed his eyes as she did so, and so she linked their arms, resting her head against his and squeezing him close. He squeezed back gratefully so she pressed another kiss to his shoulder, glad to see the tiny smile that appeared briefly on his lips as he sucked in another long breath, as if steeling himself for what he was about to say. ‘So…’ he managed at last, opening his eyes and leaning back to look Ivy in the eye. ‘I’ll take what I’ve got and I’ll get out alive,’ he shrugged after a beat, before looking away again, the sadness quickly exposed behind the show of determination as he sighed. ‘And I’m pretty sure she’s gonna do the same.’

 

 

***

 

 

_‘Look, Sam…I know you made it clear that you never want to see me again. And I know you think I’m an awful, awful person who does everything wrong. But I can’t let you just walk away tonight without letting you know that…even though I never told you at the time? You made me ridiculously, stupidly, painfully happy. And, even if you walk away tonight and never cross paths with me again, I just needed you to know that. Because Kyle…he was…he…look, it doesn’t matter why, exactly, ok? But I guess I just realised I’d never forgive myself I let you disappear into the sunset not realising that, even though I screwed everything up…I did care about you. Still do, actually. So take care, ok? And I’m still sorry. And I just thought you should know.’_

***

 

Tom stared blankly down at his phone, his wine glass leaning against his chin as he stood, motionless, in the middle of his kitchen. The phone screen stayed frustratingly blank, but he couldn’t seem to break the stare. His mind was working overtime: a familiar feeling. He’d always been the same, and the more he thought about it the more he saw how he’d ended up where he was in life: he was always overly cautious, always on the defensive, fretting and over-analysing, always trying to people-please and worrying about other people’s lives and opinions so much it stopped him living his own life, stopped him feeling like he was even allowed his own opinions. It hadn’t been so bad before the fallout from the end of his and Derek’s friendship, he didn’t think. Although this last year had been beyond all of it – he felt exhausted. Exhausted enough to say ‘screw it’ to everything; he’d stressed and assessed and played it safe all his life and it had only succeeded in pissing off everyone he cared about, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t seem to please any of them at all. Look at Sam: he’d wanted what was best for him and Sam had seen it as him pushing him away. So he wasn’t going to try to please anyone anymore, wasn’t going to try and pretend to do the sensible thing or the right thing. No. He’d taken a risk, he’d been spontaneous. He’d dialled the number.

 

And for one blissful minute after hanging up the phone, he’d actually been able to breathe. He’d even smiled.

 

But that was before the deafening silence. The waiting. The stubborn, unresponsive blackness of his phone screen. Shouldn’t he be here by now? Was he lying when he said he’d come over? If he got held up, wouldn’t he have called?

 

The sound of a tentative knocking on his front door startled him, and wine sloshed dangerously, as he jumped, blinking and confused. It took him a moment to snap out of it, staring in the direction of the door dazedly for a second before suddenly snapping into action and making a dash for the door, wine glass still in hand. He took a quick gulp from it before he opened the door, swallowing too much in one go as the door swung back. It only occurred to him a second later how alarmingly hassled he must look to Kyle, who was standing there in the open doorway, neat and perfect and shy.

 

He was tucked cosily into a scarf and woolly cardigan, his hair smart and styled, and there was an adorable, nervous smile on his face, though his blue eyes were twinkling in that strangely bold way he had, his expression a mismatch of nerves and confidence that made no sense but was oddly endearing – there was perhaps a touch of amusement in the look, and as Tom moved his mouth wordlessly it occurred to him that perhaps the sight of him as a flustered mess was quite entertaining when you weren’t the one living it. He swallowed and raised his eyebrows, his mouth still moving mostly ineffectively.

‘Kyle,’ he managed, before the words dried up once more, his manic-anxious state getting the better of him for a moment. Kyle rewarded him with a small, tentative smile, not seeming to mind the odd greeting or Tom’s reluctance to stop blocking the doorway.

‘Is this the part where you tell me I was a drunk-dial? Because…I honestly wouldn’t be that surprised…not that I think you’re a drunk I just…I…I’m not really part of your normal social circle,’ Kyle stammered out in reply and Tom laughed nervously, shaking his head and looking down. There was a pause, and Tom looked back at Kyle, drawing in a breath, trying to pull himself together, but when he looked up into the younger man’s face he saw him smiling – mystified and amused in equal measure, if Tom had to guess – and he realised that somehow he understood and was willing to push past the crazed, edgy tension that radiated off Tom and made the atmosphere so odd and awkward.

 

Kyle’s lips twisted into a small, soft grin. ‘You know, they say it’s bad to drink alone,’ he said, raising his eyebrows like he was offering Tom a cue-card with his lines. ‘Julia still not talking to you?’ he added, his voice lilting mischievously, and it was that that seemed to finally bring Tom back to himself. He let out a soft laugh, crumpling slightly and letting out the breath he’d been holding as he inclined his head slightly.

‘Actually, no. She is talking to me now, just…in single syllables and very short sentences.’ Kyle laughed and nodded understandingly.

‘Yeah. I had that for a while…I actually preferred it to the drunken, 3a.m. rambling I keep getting from Jimmy right now.’ Kyle rolled his eyes and offered Tom a tired, lop-sided smile. ‘It’s true: he keeps waking me up to tell me all about how all the people who actually care about him suck and the world owes him so much. It’s…super-fun, honestly.’

 

For a moment they both paused, regarding each other with matching blue eyes that glittered with shared wry amusement and understanding. Kyle’s lips were a thin, pale pink that curved subtly into a smirk, twitching up at one corner so slightly that you had to really look at him to judge whether his look was one of shyness or sympathy. Tom wasn’t sure whether it was normal to be so drawn to such a specific detail; this was supposed to be some casual, caution-to-the-wind craziness. But he was rapidly beginning to realise that, what he’d thought was just a craving for lips against his lips and a little quiet company had instead been a craving for _those_ thin, shy lips and the balm of _Kyle’s_ company. He swallowed and tilted his head to one side, offering up a tired-but-amused smile of his own as he stepped aside.

‘Come on in, Kyle Bishop,’ he said, gesturing like a butler. He didn’t want to think about the flutter of pride he felt when Kyle rewarded him with a soft half-chuckle, stepping inside.

 

Tom shut the door behind him, and when he turned back he couldn’t help but grin as he realised Kyle had made an instinctive beeline for the piano. He dumped his bag at the piano’s feet and glanced back at Tom curiously, his lips curling at the corners again. It was a simple gesture, Kyle probably hardly realised he was doing it, but Tom found himself fascinated by the casual familiarity of it – like he’d done it a hundred times before and would do it a hundred times more. ‘Look, Kyle…I…’ Tom trailed off, letting out a breath and closing his eyes. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say or why; maybe it had just occurred to him how much Kyle deserved not to get sucked into his disaster of a life, or maybe his disaster of a life had suddenly just caught up to his brain. He opened his eyes again and instantly met with Kyle’s quiet, sparkling gaze. ‘I’m a total disaster,’ Tom blurted suddenly, desperately. Kyle’s lips quirked in amusement and he titled his head, taking a step towards Tom.

‘But I knew that when I came here,’ he pointed out quietly and Tom smiled, incredulous.

‘Then why did you come?’ he asked. Kyle shrugged, his expression one of shy amusement.

‘I don’t really know anyone who _isn’t_ a total disaster…I guess.’ He looked up at Tom again, his smile lopsided. ‘I don’t think it should matter that you screw up sometimes. I think maybe you just need a chance to realise that it’s ok…to be a mess, I mean. Everyone’s a mess. It doesn’t make you…not a good person. It doesn’t make you terrible. Your heart is in the right place, I think.’ His hands were in his pockets and he looked down as he spoke, his body language awkward but his smile bright and bold despite his downturned gaze and his hair falling in his eyes. Tom was overwhelmingly attracted to all that contradiction and sweetness and it took him aback a little, because really he’d told himself Kyle was a one-time thing, and when he’d called him tonight he’d assumed he wouldn’t even come. But this…this was something he hadn’t been bargaining for. And it was terrifying – yet it didn’t feel like the choking sensation that usually accompanied terror. In fact, he felt oddly calm, like the knot inside his chest was supposed to be there. He smiled quietly back at Kyle, eyes shining,  and he crossed the room slowly to stand just in front of the younger man.

‘Thank you,’ he murmured, when they were close enough that Kyle could feel his breath as he spoke. They held the look for a moment before Tom silently cupped Kyle’s face in his hand and kissed him.

 

 

 

***

 

_‘Don’t play dumb with me Sam Strickland: you’re forgetting I’ve watched this whole saga play out. You’ve got yourself a nice new job now, you’re coming back to Broadway, you’ve had a chance to fix all the crappy things that were clouding your vision. So…have you changed you mind about Tom ‘The Actual Devil’ Levitt or not? Coz if you ask me, you and him are still waiting on that grown-up conversation I suggested…and call me crazy, but I don’t think you’re as ready to let it go as you’ve been telling everyone.’_

 

 

***

 

 

Dennis was red-cheeked and breathless when he made it in through the stage door; it was one of those days where the sun shone deceptively brightly whilst the wind stung your skin and it was impossible to find warmth without keeping moving. He’d made the journey to the theatre in record time, headphones in and bright, striped scarf tucked tightly around him as he kept his eyes down and strode purposefully forwards, and the end result was that he was pleasingly early for his matinee. He loved being early to work; he’d formed a good group of friends in his time with Wicked, and messing around with them pre-show was rapidly becoming one of his favourite past-times. There were six of them, including Dennis himself, with three of them being fellow chorus boys who he shared his dressing room with, and the group was rounded out by Rachel, and another girl from the chorus called Cassie who Rachel had befriended at their call-back audition for the show.

 

Dennis signed in quickly and disentangled himself from his headphones before making his way off in the direction of his dressing room. The corridors were mostly quiet and still, but it was just possible to hear a murmur of voices and laughter in the distance, coming from the corridor which led on to the boys’ dressing room, and it brought an immediate smile to Dennis’ face to hear the familiar babble of his friends’ chatter echoing around the dark, grey space backstage. There was something boundlessly friendly about the group he had fallen in with, something that lit them up and changed the air around them: it was a refreshing change from the constant intensity which had surrounded Bombshell, and a part of him suspected he had chosen his friends at Wicked specifically for their ability to avoid drama.

 

When Dennis rounded the corner he was surprised to find that all five of his friends were there, babbling animatedly and talking over each other in their enthusiasm. The smile that spread across Dennis’ face upon seeing them was instant and genuine.

‘Hey guys,’ he called, and almost as one the group looked up, their heads bobbing in a shambling, endearing sort of unison that made him chuckle.

‘Dennis!’ Ben chirped happily from his place on the floor, but then Adam gave him a slight kick to his side and he quickly tried to stifle his grin, though not with much success – Ben’s grin was one of the greatest natural wonders of the world: wide, genuine and utterly irrepressible. All the same, Dennis felt himself tense slightly, and he narrowed his eyes, properly regarding his now-silent friends, who were all staring back at him curiously. The problem, of course, with finding friends with such fizzing energy was that, as drama-free as they might be, Trouble was still was never far away; not the terrible, awful kind that made everyone upset and tense, but still, even their cheeky, mischievous kind of Trouble was enough to make Dennis wary.

‘Ok, what’s going on?’ he sighed after a beat. ‘And…why are you all out here in the corridor anyway?’ he added with a small, confused frown.

 

Everyone’s mouths opened and then quickly closed, their gazes slowly shifting to Rachel, who gnawed on her lip and turned her eyes downward somewhat sheepishly. Her hair was a new shade of blonde this week – strawberry blonde and radiant, not flowing down her back in smooth, bouncing waves like usual and instead knotted into an artfully-messy fishtail side-braid, flyaway hairs flicking out here and there. The new shade of it set off those wide green eyes of hers perfectly, and when she glanced up again she flashed them at him, catlike and knowing. She was a wild, dancing, unapologetic spirit, capable of as much kindness as she was mischief. Her lips were plump, delightful and expressive, and today she had on red lipstick. The look was bright, bold and defiant, yet, when teamed with her oversized, pale pink striped scarf, short skirt and stylish, knee-length suede boots, there was a fun, flirty, carefree edge to it all that suited her down to the ground.

‘Why wouldn’t we be in the corridor? It’s as good a place as any,’ she shrugged after a moment. A half-dozen bangles clinked on her arm and she played with them idly as she talked. Dennis arched his eyebrow at her and she laughed. ‘Nothing awful is going on, I promise.’ She flashed her eyes at him again and made a fond gesture of exasperation with her dainty dancer’s hands. ‘Seriously, Dennis! Breathe!’ she told him through another bright laugh, widening her eyes for emphasis – but Dennis noticed her exchanging a look with Cassie and his frown deepened slightly.

 

Cassie was sitting on one of the many black trunks that littered the backstage area, perching there elegantly, her dainty frame and long legs making her look like she was ready for a magazine shoot, even if she was just in her dancewear. She was a naturally fascinating person; high cheekbones, big brown eyes and caramel skin, the girl was always moving and never without an opinion. She was captivating and kind, sweetness itself when she wanted to be, but feisty too, and on her bad days she could be a storm of a girl. Everything she ever did she did fiercely, and she gave bone-crushing hugs like no other.

 

‘She means it, Dennis – nothing bad is going to happen,’ Cassie said calmly, honesty in that silky voice of hers – Cassie never lied, not even when it would make her life easier to. Today her usually wild hair was tamed beneath her favourite head-wrap, and her full lips were pursed in an enigmatic half-smile as she looked from Dennis, to Rachel, and then over to Adam, who was sitting by her side. Adam was an impossibly tall, elegant thing, with one of those hypnotically handsome faces that drew people in. He had glittery, fascinating hazel eyes and his bone structure was beautiful and neat, all quirky symmetry and charm.

‘Honest. We’re innocent,’ he put with a casual shrug. Languid and graceful as ever, he was leaning against the trunk that Cassie was perched on, his back arched and one eyebrow quirked in a curious way which Dennis didn’t quite know how to read. His dark hair fell across his forehead in a sleek swish, and those dancing eyes of his glimmered at Dennis knowingly. Cassie leaned against him now, putting her head on his shoulder, as he turned to look down at her with a gentle, enquiring smile. The spell he’d held over Dennis was suddenly broken. ‘You ok?’ Adam was asking Cassie in a low murmur, his voice soft and mesmerizing.

‘Later,’ Cassie replied with emphasis, her eyes flicking back, meaningfully, to Dennis.

‘You guys are doing a really bad job of convincing me everything is normal around here,’ Dennis pointed out with a nervous half-laugh, casting his eyes around the group once more in the hope of finding someone ready to break and spill their secrets. But he had no such luck; Rachel, Cassie and Adam all just shrugged and smiled enigmatically.

 

Ben, for his part, was still beaming up at Dennis widely, his smile as unstoppable as ever. His expression wasn’t the usual, boundless grin that Dennis was used to though: there was something different in it – a tentative mixture of curiosity and concern that Dennis couldn’t quite make sense of. But he just couldn’t bring himself to be truly suspicious of Ben. Ben was human sunshine and people’s life expectancies went up at least ten years just by virtue of him saying hello to them in a coffee shop; one of life’s rare, genuinely good people. And he was a proper, old-fashioned Stagey Delight; newly graduated, he was one of those all-rounders, perfectly designed for the demands of Broadway and bursting with talent and enthusiasm, all served up with a heavy helping of musical theatre and Broadway folklore knowledge on the side. He had big, bright brown eyes which constantly shone with starbursts of light, a mop of dark, fluffy hair which was always all over the place (a far cry from Adam’s sleek look): Ben was, quite simply, the loveliest thing Dennis had ever known. Although, that wasn’t to say he didn’t have competition. Sitting beside him on the floor was Matthew: small and smiling, the Cherubic-looking half-Italian was the definition of delightful. He had bright, near-black eyes that never seemed to stop twinkling and dark eyelashes which fanned out in neat, perfect little rows, and his eyebrows curved in flawless symmetry, his features somehow arranged just right for happiness to sit well on them, and his smile was one of those rare, candid grins – starry and infectious. He had the sort of smile which made people believe in magic. Dennis had a bigger soft spot for him than anyone else in the cast: he was a quirky, crazy little thing, lovely, cheeky and quick. He could turn faster than Dennis, leap higher, create perfect shapes in the air like it was nothing and come out of it all smiling and barely out of breath; the two of them sat side by side in the dressing room, trading a mixture of stories from years of ballet classes and ridiculous insults which they didn't really mean. This morning, Matthew's black hair was smartly pushed back off his forehead, making his face seem more open, though the grin he flashed Dennis wasn’t the usual, good-natured smile that stretched from cheek to cheek. Instead, like Ben, his expression seemed quieter, curious and amused. He gave a small, sheepish half-shrug, glancing at Ben, who also shrugged, and, as if nothing was out of the ordinary about the situation, the two of them went back to huddling over Ben’s phone, staring down at the screen with just that bit too much concentration to be believed. Dennis watched for a moment as Cassie, Rachel and Adam also huddled around, clustering closer together and burying themselves back in their murmured conversations. They were up to something, he was sure of it, but he trusted them not to lie to him; if they said nothing bad would happen, he was willing to believe them. So, with a sigh, he shook his head and moved to step over Ben and Matthew, skirting around Rachel and heading down towards his dressing room.

 

His hand was on the dressing room door handle when Rachel finally wavered.

‘Wait, Dennis, before you go in…’ Dennis looked back over his shoulder, slowly turning to face his friends again, his features creased in confusion. Rachel looked conflicted. The others were all watching him again now, suddenly seeming a little nervous. Ben and Matthew’s eyes were wide and round, though their gazes shifted to Rachel rather than Dennis. Rachel herself took a couple of steps towards Dennis, looking up at him uncharacteristically shyly. She was biting her lip, still toying with the bangles at her wrist. ‘The thing is…we kind of…let someone wait in there. For you, I mean.’ When Dennis simply frowned at her with a total lack of comprehension, all the caution seemed to whoosh out of Rachel’s system in an instant and she looked at him intently, trying to convey meaning and getting frustrated when he didn’t immediately grasp it. ‘Just go in there, would you? We didn’t want to interfere but…Cass and me ran into him at stage door when we came in, and I recognized him so I invited him in. He…he just…looked like he needed a friend, I guess. We couldn’t turn him away, ok? It’s up to you what you say to him, I’m not telling you what to do but just…we really didn’t want to lie to him and say you weren’t coming in.’ Dennis blinked, uncomprehending, at her sudden stream of words and Rachel let out an exasperated sigh. When Dennis didn’t move she glanced back over her shoulder at the others, who were still watching on, no doubt intrigued by what Rachel knew about his visitor that they did not. Rachel smirked slightly and took a couple more steps towards him – her perfume smelt sweet and flowery and her big green eyes were intense and kind as she looked into his face. She placed a gentle hand on his upper arm, squeezing it slightly. ‘Dennis: _it’s Bobby_ ,’ she whispered, and for a moment Dennis just stared at her, convinced he must have heard her wrongly.

 

‘Your friends are crazy.’ Dennis had only been in the room a second before Bobby’s low, wry drawl cut across the space, and Dennis felt the fond, disbelieving smile on his lips immediately – it was a smile he reserved exclusively for the chorus boy. He was sitting in front of Dennis’ mirror, leaning his back to it. Dennis’ was the only mirror with any space in front of it – there were only four of them in the dressing room as it was the smallest in the theatre, but Adam, Ben and Matthew had expanded to more than fill the space, their dressing tables littered with teddies and trinkets, photo frames and phone chargers, dance gear and water bottles, hoodies, dance bags, jackets, and, in Adam’s case, a plethora of hair products and moisturizers. But now Bobby had added himself to the clutter, fitting in neatly between the wall and Matthew’s ramshackle collection of stuffed animals, headphone cords and hair products no doubt quietly stolen from Adam’s table.

 

The dressing room mirrors all had their lights lit, creating a dull, fuzzy glow to the room and lighting Bobby’s pale face strangely; there were dark shadows under his eyes and his lips formed a thin, silent line which, unusually for Bobby, gave away nothing. ‘They’re kind of great though: I bet they make for good stories,’ he added then, pocketing his phone and finally looking up at Dennis. And, fleetingly, the real Bobby was there – something alive in his eyes for a brief second before it disappeared and the small, sad smile he’d offered Dennis faded. ‘I know I look like death, by the way, so please don’t remind me,’ he went on, looking down and rubbing his hands over his face. ‘Things are crazy at Bombshell right now,’ he said through a yawn.

 

Dennis studied him carefully for a moment, one eyebrow arched as he took him in properly, cataloguing the way he held himself, the slope of his shoulders, the tangle of his dark hair and the dullness that had settled in his usually sparkling eyes. He had seen Bobby overworked – he knew exactly what it looked like when he wasn’t getting enough downtime and what it looked like when he wasn’t getting enough sleep, or at least enough caffeine. Something wasn’t matching up to the Bobby he saw in front of him now, though, and he narrowed his eyes slightly.

‘Ok, you know you can’t lie to me. This isn’t Exhausted Bobby – I know Exhausted Bobby. I’ve met him. Frequently. I’ve even had my head bitten off by him once or twice. This…this is something else,’ Dennis said slowly, genuinely concerned and suddenly desperate to do anything he could to make it better. Bobby glanced up at him, meeting his eyes again, and Dennis offered him a soft, kind smile in return. ‘I know: that guy is kind of a bitch, right?’ he added, his smile turning briefly to a grin. He felt something inside of him swell with pride when the remark won him a genuine – if momentary – laugh from Bobby. ‘No less of a perfectionist, unfortunately. But hey, at least I know him. This guy…’ he gestured at Bobby. ‘This is guy is something different.’

 

Bobby nodded mutely, swallowing and looking down. Dennis regarded him for a second before deciding to make a grab for the empty chair in front of Matthew’s mirror. In one swift move he disentangled himself from his bag and pulled the chair out, sitting down as his bag landed with a dull thud on the floor. There was another pause in which Bobby continued to stare at nothing at all and Dennis couldn’t bear how worn-down he looked. ‘What happened, Chorus Boy?’ he asked softly. Something in his tone had Bobby meeting his gaze immediately, and the two of them held the look for a moment. A glimmer of understanding seemed to pass between them – an understanding of shared history and of just how well they really knew each other, despite everything that had happened.

 

Bobby broke the moment first, blowing out a long breath and looking determinedly down at the floor. ‘Come on – you didn’t drag yourself across town on a two-show day just to subject yourself to my crazy friends. What’s going on, Bobby?’ Bobby didn’t look up but Dennis saw a tiny smile briefly dance across his lips and it was reassuring somehow.

‘You’re sweet, Bambi, you know that?’ he said, looking at Dennis out of the corner of his eye, one eyebrow arched. For a moment he was Bobby as Dennis knew him: sly, quick and genuine. And then he let out a long sigh and looked down at his hands and the moment was over. ‘Jess isn’t talking to me.’ Bobby said it in a low, tentative voice, but the words still seemed to sting him slightly when said aloud, and he winced.

 

Dennis felt a peculiar mix of confusion and alarm wash over him, followed by sudden, uneasy clarity.

‘She found out about Jake,’ he stated in a soft, quiet undertone. Bobby smirked humourlessly.

‘It’s ok: you can say you told me so. At this point I couldn’t feel any crappier.’ He closed his eyes, bringing his hands to his face again and resting his elbows on his knees. ‘She’s done the not talking to me thing before, you know. Never after a fight this big, but, it’s happened.’ He looked at Dennis from between his fingers. ‘I’m not five; I can deal with it,’ he clarified dryly and Dennis smiled at him sympathetically. ‘The not talking thing isn’t the awful bit – not on its own, anyway. Or it wouldn’t be if I actually thought it was going to end at any point,’ Bobby added, disappearing behind his hands with a sigh that was close to being a whimper. ‘We got into such a huge fight though, Bambi. And I don’t think we can fix it this time…’ There was a catch in Bobby’s voice and Dennis shifted, instinctively, closer to him.

‘What happened?’ he asked gently.

 

Bobby laughed – hollow and sharp – before sitting up straight again, tilting his head back to rest against the mirror.

‘A lot of stuff I wish hadn’t?’ he tried, glancing at Dennis wryly, a flicker of the real Bobby showing through again and making Dennis laugh despite himself.

‘Come on, we both know you didn’t come here to brush this off. Talk to me, Bobby – I haven’t seen you in weeks and suddenly you’re in my dressing room looking like you haven’t slept for a year? I’m sweet but I’m not stupid,’ he warned with a gentle grin, and Bobby gave him a soft, fond smile in return, the corners of his lips tipping up just slightly.

‘I probably _haven’t_ slept in a year, actually,’ he said dryly, looking down with a small shake of his head. ‘I hate the theatre.’

‘Actually, you love the theatre. _That’s_ the problem: you care enough to work hard. You care even when you don’t want to,’ Dennis pointed out softly. Bobby’s lips twitched in a brief, tiny smile.

 

The silence settled around them for a moment, but Dennis didn’t feel the need to break it; it was a comfortable silence, an understanding one, and it surprised Dennis a little just how intuitively the two of them reacted to each other, their smiles and glances timed and knowing at every turn. He watched Bobby carefully, his brown eyes concerned and shining. Bobby was playing with the ends of his sleeves, his expression open but distant. From beyond the dressing room door, the sound of his friends joking around together echoed faintly down the corridor: Ben was singing, Adam teasing him, chatter and laughter continuing on in the background. The sound seemed to bring Bobby back from his daydream, though he still chewed on his lip anxiously and watched the middle-distance.

 

‘Do you remember the night we met?’ Bobby asked in a low murmur. The question took Dennis a little by surprise, but he couldn’t help the soft smile that came to his lips all the same.

‘Yes,’ he whispered, nodding slowly. ‘Sam’s birthday. We took the subway home together and you sang a John Mayer song to me in the empty carriage.’ Bobby smirked briefly, his lips twisting and an almost-blush forming on his cheeks. ‘I couldn’t believe you were real,’ Dennis admitted, looking down shyly.

‘I couldn’t believe you were real either, actually,’ Bobby said softly. He paused a moment before he spoke again, still playing with his sleeves, his eyes trained down. ‘Jess cut out early that night, you remember?’ He looked over at Dennis, who nodded slightly. ‘I’d had to take her phone off her to stop her calling Jake. They were off again, supposedly for good, but I knew she’d take him back as soon as he told he needed her – so I took her phone for the night so I could make her have fun without him. She was on top of the world for about three hours. Then I gave her the phone back, because I’m actually an idiot who can’t tell her no when she begs. She ended up listening to his messages on her voicemail and it was like their break-up never happened. He’d got this whole list of excuses for how he didn’t actually really cheat on her and this big speech about why he missed her and everything between them was somehow actually her fault anyway. I knew she was gonna go back to him. And she knew I knew. We went through the whole go around about a thousand times before I made him get out of town.’

‘I remember that last break-up. He hit new lows in the Controlling Creep stakes.’

‘Yeah. And the Cheating Jackass stakes too. She was beyond done…but I knew it was only going to last maybe a year at most. It was always going to be their longest break-up, you know? But even if she didn’t take him back, he was still going to make it impossible for her to just get on with her life – he wasn’t just going to let it be over’

‘So you made it over?’ Dennis guessed. Bobby nodded mutely, a tiny frown creasing his forehead.

‘I’m not sorry about that bit, Bambi. At all. I’m sorry I didn’t tell her and I’m sorry I gave him the chance to spring it on her now he’s shown up back in town again. But I’m still not sorry I did it…is that awful?’ Bobby looked up, brown eyes strangely wide and lost. And Dennis was surprised that he didn’t even need to think about his reply.

‘No.’ Bobby stared at him for a second, his lips slightly parted, hope, distrust and surprise all mixing on his face.

‘Thank you,’ he said quietly and Dennis offered him a small smile in return.

 

The easy silence settled back in place around them and Dennis moved his chair a little closer.

‘Look, Bobby, I don’t know what Jessica said to you to make things seem this tough…but, you guys were in the middle of a fight and-’

‘I didn’t tell you everything about when me and Kurt broke up,’ Bobby cut him off, soft but determined, and Dennis closed his mouth immediately, looking over at Bobby expectantly. But Bobby’s eyes were down again, unfocused and distant. ‘All the stuff I said happened with me and Kurt…it happened. But it wasn’t just a few fights and a break-up. Things were… _bad_.’ Bobby physically winced and Dennis wanted desperately to reach out for his hand, but he was strangely frozen in place, staring up at Bobby with concern and intrigue. ‘I guess the two of us got serious during that year when you were on tour, that’s probably why all of this stuff is news to you. We were together nearly two years in the end, two and a half if you count when we were just friends. He never really got to know any of my other friends, though – just Jess, maybe Dawn. He did a show with Alex…and then obviously there was Zak, but, since he accused me of cheating with him, he clearly didn’t know Zak at all.’

 

Bobby pulled a face and shook his head slightly, as if trying to clear his mind. ‘Kurt was always on the Broadway Star track, you know? It baffled him why I didn’t care about that stuff. We were like twins on so many things but not when it came to that. People thought it was crazy; he had all the drive but none of the ruthlessness, I had all the ruthlessness but none of the drive. That’s how people saw it anyway – I think even my own parents thought it was like that. We mostly didn’t really care what anyone thought though; we were the sappiest, stupidest couple on the planet, finishing each other’s sentences, the lot. I baked him cookies every time he got passed over for a part and made up stories about all the people who turned him down or beat him out; real stories, total nonsense, whatever he wanted to hear at the time. He used to be one of the sweetest guys I knew. Not as sweet as you, but he was up there.’ Bobby paused to flick a small smirk Dennis’ way and Dennis laughed softly, feeling a slight blush on his cheeks. ‘Anyway…it didn’t really last. I think something changes in someone when they get disappointed that many times. He didn’t understand why I wasn’t caught up in the injustice of it. My attitude was always ‘That’s Broadway’, you know? But it bothered him. He hated when I’d say that, or when I’d tell him ‘But it was fun in the ensemble anyway, right?’ or ‘At least you know you’ll be on as first cover next week’ but I refused to apologize for it – because that’s who I am, who I always was, so I didn’t get why he had a problem with it all of a sudden. He was having a fucking blast half the time anyway, he just wished he wasn’t. He felt like he wasn’t fighting hard enough for his dream or whatever and…I don’t know, I guess he thought I was trying to keep him down. Or maybe that my ‘lack of drive’ was rubbing off on him or whatever. I think he always figured there was a part of me that _did_ want to be on the Broadway Star track too and was just waiting for him to fail so I could swoop in. Because for him…he couldn’t imagine not wanting that, he couldn’t imagine being happy indefinitely in the chorus, at all. Over the time we were together, something inside him changed – he got snappier and angrier and quieter and it got to the point where he didn’t recognise himself. I didn’t recognize him either half the time; all he did was undermine me, he used to scare the crap out of me when I was doing auditions, telling me they’d not want me if I made it so painfully obvious I had ‘no ambition’ and that good chorus boys had a limited lifespan so I should at least pretend to want to move on. And when that combined with all the stuff with Zak and the audition…he blamed me for all of it.’

‘What did he do about it?’ Dennis asked tentatively.

 

Bobby smiled a sad, broken smile, shaking his head and breathing in deeply before blowing it back out slowly, biting on his lip.

‘He came over to my place the day he found out he hadn’t got the part – he waited for me to get back from dance class and the minute he saw me he started screaming, mad like I’d never seen anyone mad before. He threw stuff at me for a while. Then eventually he got me backed me up against a wall, I don’t even know how. I just remember him leaning in and staring me dead in the eyes whilst he told me just how terrible I was. Terrible friend. Terrible boyfriend. Terrible person. Terrible human being.’

‘Bobby-’

‘He told me it was my fault: I ruined him. All my sharp edges had made him sharp too. Because I was poison – I _am_ poison. And I infect everything.’ Bobby swallowed. ‘I’d never been scared of anyone or anything so much in my life.’ He winced at the memory, his whole face scrunching up as though he’d just been stung. ‘But it stuck. After he left I sat in the corner he’d backed me into for hours. I don’t even remember how I got as far as my bed.’ Bobby closed his eyes, his whole body seeming tense and rigid. ‘Jess was the one who came and found me. And I never would’ve left that room if it wasn’t for her.’

 

The room fell silent. Even the murmur of voices from out in the corridor seemed to have dipped, Cassie’s musical laugh dancing briefly in the air once before the sounds of conversation disappeared entirely. The loudest noise left was the raspy sound of Bobby’s breathing. And in a heartbeat Dennis understood.

‘Jessica said it too, didn’t she – when you fought, she told you the same thing,’ Dennis whispered at last, looking at Bobby carefully. It wasn’t a question. Bobby was looking down, eyes trained deliberately on the floor, but Dennis knew that pale, gorgeous face – knew it better than he had realised before that moment. He glanced away, biting at his lip for a moment. It was funny, really: after being so cautious for so long, he had expected to need to think much more before saying what it was he said next.

 

‘That tour I did…it was West Side Story. I remember you taking me out for drinks to celebrate when I got it, and telling me all your crazy stories from when you were with the show on Broadway.’ Dennis chuckled softly and shook his head. ‘I managed about eighteen months before I had to come back – the guys on the tour were sweet but I just didn’t fit with that cast for some reason. I was so lonely and going out of my mind and coming back to New York felt like admitting defeat somehow.’ He glanced over at Bobby, who was watching him curiously, the sadness still lingering over him, but something shining now in his eyes. ‘You came and met me at the station. I didn’t tell you I was coming back but…you knew someone who knew someone, and you figured the rest out for yourself somehow, because that’s just what you do. So you called and told me I didn’t have a choice, you were meeting me and that was it. And anyway…there you were, and you still wouldn’t take no for an answer about it. I had nowhere to stay, so we went back to your place. There were all these casting calls printed out on your coffee table, you even had the number of some catering company looking for someone to do a few shifts. I sat on your couch and watched you bake me double chocolate brownies and it was the best day I’d had in about a year.’ Dennis couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face at the memory. ‘You were growing your hair out at the time; you had all these messy, wild half-curls falling down into your eyes and you had to keep flicking them back out again just to see what you were doing. And the look on your face was so intense. I hadn’t realised how much I’d missed you until that moment…but at the same time it felt…it felt like I was seeing you properly for the first time…like I’d missed the point before and then I was finally looking…’

 

Dennis swallowed, glancing down at his hands then letting his eyes travel back to Bobby, his expression earnest and soft. ‘Bobby, you were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.’ He smiled shyly, looking up into Bobby’s quiet brown eyes for a moment before timidly looking down again. ‘You know, I hadn’t told anyone how much I hated that tour. But with you…I didn’t have to say anything. You just knew. And there you were and suddenly it was just…ok again. I could just be me and be back in New York and not have to try and explain it.’ Dennis felt his heart turn over in his chest and when he dared look back up again, Bobby was watching him silently, his lips just parted and his eyes quiet and intent. ‘Bobby, you are so many things. You’re daft and difficult and stubborn and crazy.’ Dennis shook his head slightly, looking up into Bobby’s eyes and flashing him the tiniest of grins, arching an eyebrow. ‘You are sharp, incredibly honest…kind of ridiculous…’ His expression softened and he looked intently into Bobby’s face. ‘But Bobby: you’re not terrible. _You wouldn’t even know how to begin being terrible_.’ He let out a half-chuckle and looked away self-consciously. ‘A terror, maybe,’ he said, and out of the corner of his eye he could see a faint smile touch Bobby’s lips. He looked back up. ‘But you could never be terrible. Not even close.’ Their eyes met and Bobby seemed to search for something in his face – perhaps a clue as to whether or not this was just some cruel joke; after all, surely Jessica had given him a similar speech once, and now look what had happened.  

 

Slowly, he pushed himself up from his chair and moved to stand in front of Bobby, who watched him, unmoving and quiet, his expression unreadable but his brown eyes both sad and curious at the same time. Dennis cupped his face in his hands and looked him in the eye, a strange calm confidence coming over him suddenly as he looked into that sharp, stunning face. ‘They’re all just words, though, Chorus Boy. No one word could ever come close to that day in your kitchen with your hair in your eyes. _And I wish you could see that_.’

 

Bobby’s skin was warm beneath his fingertips. This close he could make out flecks of gold in those beady brown eyes; Bobby was looking at him so intently, devilish lips curling enigmatically at one corner. Dennis had no concept of how long they stood that way – it was forever and a second all at once. He hardly noticed Bobby slide gracefully down from his place on the dressing table; one hand went to his hip, the other touching his cheek in a gesture mirroring Dennis’ own. The ridges of the chorus boy’s fingertips were rough against Dennis’ skin and the feeling seemed to unleash every memory of their brief romance, sending them surging beneath Dennis’ skin, burning at the point where Bobby’s fingertips grazed his cheek. And before Dennis really had time to question it, he was letting Bobby close the distance between them, their lips meeting in a kiss.

 

The kiss was slow but fierce. Dennis’ eyes fluttered closed as the familiar scent of Bobby – coffee and cinnamon – hit him, and his body leant instinctively into Bobby’s. He could feel Bobby’s hair brush against his skin and he realised – foggily, distantly – that he was growing it out again, soft, dark curls just beginning to form. Bobby the way he’d fallen in love with Bobby; unfiltered, wild and kind. Some distant part of his brain wished he’d realised back then just what it had been he’d felt for the chorus boy – he’d lost out on something without realising, and now he wondered if it was too late to ever get that moment back.

 

When they finally broke apart, and Dennis opened his eyes, Bobby was looking up at him with a smile which was quiet and unreadable, those brown eyes of his shining in way Dennis hadn’t really seen before.

‘You still taste of strawberries, huh, Bambi,’ he murmured, his hand falling from Dennis’ cheek. He took a step back and Dennis reeled slightly at the loss of contact. Bobby watched him for a second, a smile lingering in his eyes briefly before he finally looked down, breaking the moment and making something in the pit of Dennis’ stomach ache. ‘I should get going,’ Bobby said quietly. He looked back at Dennis from the corner of his eye. ‘But thank you. My life is pretty much shot to pieces right now but…’ he shrugged and Dennis smiled slightly. Bobby didn’t have to say any more.

 

Bobby was already at the door before Dennis actually managed to find his voice again, turning to look across at him sadly.

‘Bobby,’ he called, his voice quiet and concerned. Bobby stopped with his hand on the now-open door, glancing back at Dennis over his shoulder. ‘Are you going to be ok?’ Dennis asked him and Bobby smiled sadly back at him.

‘I’m always ok – I’m bulletproof, Bambi.’

‘I know,’ Dennis said, looking Bobby in the eye. ‘But you don’t always have to be.’ Bobby looked back at him for a second, his expression unreadable. He regarded Dennis’ face carefully and offered him an enigmatic smile before he silently nodded.

‘Thanks. But…I don’t think it’s that simple for me,’ he sighed, offering Dennis another small shrug. ‘Stay sweet, Bambi – life’s better that way, trust me,’ he added, then he turned and walked away.

 

From out in the corridor, Dennis heard Bobby’s voice, suddenly all sharp edges once more as if nothing had ever happened at all, and it made him laugh in soft, fond disbelief to hear it. ‘Well hey, if it isn’t the cutest thing in the world that doesn’t have paws. Thanks for letting me borrow Bambi, and your dressing room too, I guess.’ Intrigued, Dennis went over to the doorway, looking out into the corridor to see a smiling Matthew standing in the middle of it, his head tipped on one side in a happy sort of bewilderment which he wore well. And there, just beyond him, spinning artfully on his heel and walking backwards, was Bobby, who saluted, flashing a smirk at Matthew. Over Matthew’s shoulder, he briefly caught Dennis’ eye – his own eyes glinting – before turning once more and heading off down the corridor, his unmistakable drawl echoing back off the walls. ‘I’m so fucking late. Thank God Bombshell’s such a circus they can’t do it without me.’

 

Matthew watched the space where Bobby had been for a moment, laughing slightly, before finally turning to look back at Dennis, coming over to join him at the dressing room door.

‘Is he even real?!’ he asked with wide-eyed amusement and delight, the notes of laughter in his voice beautifully genuine and infectious, his grin so dazzling that Dennis had to grin too – though perhaps some of that was Bobby’s doing. Is he even real – how many times had Dennis heard that question when it came to Bobby? Often from inside his own head, if he was honest.

 

Beside him, Matthew’s eyes were twinkling softly as he turned them onto Dennis. Matthew had very wide, very round eyes which sparkled in a way that always seemed to imply a certain sort of mischievous curiosity. Dennis had never felt it more keenly, however, than when Matthew studied him now. He tilted his head to one side again, pursing his pale pink lips – the expression was cheeky, complete with dimples and two hopefully raised eyebrows. He was all but dwarfed by an oversized sweater made of chunky wool, with stretched sleeves that came down well over his hands – a compelling mixture of Italian good looks and puppy-dog sweetness, there was an unassuming charm about him that was completely disarming. It was a look which made a confession almost inevitable; but if he started talking about him and Bobby, Dennis wasn’t entirely sure he would ever stop.

 

Matthew still watched him intently, folding his arms and seemingly debating whether to wait for the words to be forthcoming or to give Dennis an extra push. After a moment he finally lost patience, and he bumped his shoulder against Dennis’ with a chuckle. ‘ _So_ …what exactly is the story with you and him?’ he asked, quirking his eyebrows for emphasis. ‘Rachel was cagey when he showed up…you and him were in the Bombshell try-out in Boston together, right?’ Dennis opened his mouth and then closed it again, looking back over to where Bobby had been before looking down. His mouth opened and closed uselessly once more, and he shook his head, letting out an uncomfortable laugh. Even if he did tell Matthew all, he wasn’t even sure he’d know where to begin.

 

‘What makes you think there’s a story?’ Dennis finally managed, in a stiff attempt at denial.  
‘Because only people who deny there’s a story have stories,’ Matthew told him sagely, a calm wiseness about him which was as odds with his young age and the impish look on his face. Dennis faltered, unsure of the best way to reply. A part of him cursed Matthew; that kind tone of his was designed to pull the words out of him whether he wanted them to come or not. Or perhaps, a small voice in the back of Dennis’ mind chipped in, there was a chance he actually wanted to tell someone the whole story, from the beginning, with fresh revelations included. He looked into Matthew’s face, attempting a dismissive smile. ‘Come on, with everything that happened in that show, you must have a story to tell…’ Matthew wheedled. ‘Besides, I saw the look on your face when Rachel told you who was waiting for you: there was definitely a story in that!’

‘What? No. I was just…surprised, that’s all – he’s still with Bombshell and it’s crazy there right now…’ He shook his head and glanced down, blowing out a breath. ‘I’m fine. It’s nothing,’ he added, and at that, Matthew let out a small, excited gasp. The sound made Dennis blink in surprise, and he frowned as he noticed Matthew was smiling even more broadly than before, if that was even possible.

‘Oh my God: you’re in love with that guy, aren’t you!’ he breathed. Dennis simply stared back at him helplessly, surprised but not sure if denial would only serve to make Matthew surer in his conviction. ‘Oh my God,’ Matthew repeated and as he turned to look back down the corridor, his mouth formed a perfect O as he stared towards where Bobby had been, looking at the space as though it might contain clues. Then, slowly, carefully, he turned his gaze back to Dennis, placing a kind hand on his arm.

‘Matthew-’ Dennis began to protest, but Matthew shook his head.

‘Oh no you don’t: in the dressing room – _now_! Matthew’s pre-show confessional is officially in session,’ he said with bright insistence, dragging Dennis with him through the dressing room door with energetic force.

 

And maybe it was because of Matthew’s kind, quiet voice, or maybe it had more to do with Dennis desperately wanting to get the whole story out, but he allowed himself to pushed down into a chair and, after a moment, he began to talk.

 

 

 

***

 

_‘The night I met him, he sang me a break-up song on the subway ride home. And Matty, I swear – I know how weird it sounds. But it was pretty much the sexiest, most intense, most magical thing I ever saw. His hair was all sticking to his forehead and his eyes were glinting at me like he knew all my secrets and when he finally stopped singing…he laughed one of those crazy laughs that makes you feel like you’re in on something, even if you’re not sure what. And that’s what it’s like, being around him…he makes you feel like you’re in on something. He makes you feel like every conversation matters. But now, after everything that’s happened between us…I don’t know what to make of that feeling. On the one hand, it’s just who Bobby is: Bobby has made a career out of being Bobby, you know? I’m not special, no matter what he might make it seem like. But at the same time, he keeps saying how I taste of strawberries and telling me his secrets…and it’s like it’s an invitation, I just can’t quite figure out what it’s an invitation for…’_

***

 

‘You sure you don’t want to come out with us, Sweets?’ Jessica looked up from her dressing table at the sound of a voice coming from the doorway; it was late and she was surprised that there was anyone left in the theatre besides herself, but when she glanced over her shoulder she saw one of the show’s swings leaning against the doorframe with an expression on his face that was as much mischief as it was kindness. Dane was the resident Super Swing; wildly talented and more than capable of performing any one of their parts backwards and in his sleep, probably whilst also standing on his head. Dane was also sweet-natured and humble, as well as being frighteningly hard-working – despite his professionalism, he was always ready with a joke, possessed, as he was, with a sharp, dry wit that made passing time backstage with him a joy. The sight of his impish-but-gentle expression was enough to lift Jessica’s spirits briefly and she offered him a tired, wan smile. He arched an eyebrow at her, his own smile widening. ‘There’ll be dancing…’ he wheedled, shimmying his shoulders for effect, his slate-grey eyes alive and twinkling in a way that forced another, more convincing smile from Jessica’s lips. He was small, tightly-packed with the muscle and core body strength of a dancer, and his face was unusual in shape; large, full lips and small, beady eyes – proportions that ought to be wrong and yet somehow made him look friendly, roughish and benevolent instead. Jessica was always fascinated by the contrast of curves and angles that made him up, and for a moment her tired brain got caught up on the mismatch of his features once more. ‘Come on. I’ll get the drinks in – anything you want, my treat. Hannah’s coming,’ he tried, his tone light and off-hand, the same tone he used when recommending people sneak their friends on backstage tours without the stage manager’s permission or when he was luring people to join him on a coffee and cake run in full costume during the interval.

 

As if summoned up by the mention of her name, Hannah appeared behind Dane in the doorway; elfin and pretty and bouncing on the blockish heels of her boots. Her wild blonde hair was blown out and beautiful, and it swished behind her dramatically as she swirled into the doorway, fixing her glittering eyes on Jessica.

‘Aren’t you coming with us, Jessie? Just for one drink maybe?’ she pouted, her ballerina’s body leaning elegantly into Dane’s as she smiled. Another of the show’s swings, Hannah was bubbly and sparkling, perpetually in awe that she was actually on Broadway and seemingly oblivious to the way people’s jaws dropped when she entered a room, too sweet to realize the hypnotizing effect she had when she moved, her limbs lithe and her skin pale and luminous, everything about her delicate and gorgeous. For a moment Jessica felt a slight stab of jealousy at the easy happiness of Hannah’s life; the girl seemed indestructible, resilient in a way Jessica was sure she could never be – after all, that sort of fearlessness wasn’t something which could be taught. Bobby had it though. Hannah’s blue eyes were still fixed on her, and she seemed to mistake Jessica’s stare for one of intrigue, offering her an encouraging smile in return. ‘Come on, we’d love to have you out with us – it’s been forever, babe,’ she pleaded. Jessica let out a heavy sigh.

 

In the days since her argument with Bobby, a strange, awkward form of normality seemed to have been put into effect backstage at Bombshell. Except onstage, Jessica and Bobby hardly saw one another, the rest of the cast dividing their time between the two of them like bewildered children after a sudden parental split, afraid to say one’s name to the other in case they’d get scolded. Jessica hadn’t told anyone besides Ivy the full story, and she guessed from her interactions with the rest of the cast that Bobby had stayed similarly silent, at least at the Lily Hayes, though she had no idea what he may have told his wider network of friends. It was one of the strange things she kept wondering, late at night when she couldn’t sleep and the odd feeling of waiting for normality to come back pressed down hard on her chest. What had he told Dean? Zak? Dawn? Joel? It always triggered a pang of misplaced jealousy that she couldn’t fully explain, and then she’d force herself to think back to her conversation with Jake and the smug look on his face, conjuring up the image again and again to try and claw back the anger and betrayal she had felt when Bobby had admitted what he’d done. She tried not to think about what she’d said, about how she’d thoughtlessly picked at the one scab of Bobby’s that would probably never fully heal. She pretended that her whole body didn’t ache every time she thought about how – for all their closeness, for all their years of friendship – it had taken so little time to change everything between them.

 

‘Earth to Jess.’ Dane’s voice cut through her thoughts and Jessica glanced over at him, offering him an apologetic smile. She appreciated his kindness, and Hannah’s – even if a part of her suspected it was simply their turn to babysit her. She was sure there was a rota somewhere: who was responsible for making Jessica less mopey today, who was responsible for coaxing Bobby into actually speaking this evening, volunteers welcome, rota will be up on the notice board first thing Monday – remember if you spent last Tuesday with Jessica, this Tuesday is Bobby’s turn.

 

‘Sorry, not tonight. But have a drink for me, ok?’ Jessica sighed after a moment, and Dane watched her, concern and sympathy etched on his face. Over his shoulder, Hannah’s usually electric smile dimmed slightly.

‘We could do something else?’ she offered gently. ‘Slumber party? My roommate makes a killer hot chocolate,’ she added, her grin returning. Jessica smiled gratefully, though she still lifted her shoulders in an exhausted half-shrug.

‘Don’t let me ruin your evening – I’ll be fine, I promise. I’m just tired,’ she assured them, stifling a yawn. At their sceptical looks she laughed slightly, rolling her eyes in fond despair. “Seriously! Go have fun.’ Dane and Hannah looked at her doubtfully before exchanging a glance, and she could see them wavering. They would do anything for anyone, and she knew they saw through her protests about being fine – everyone did. They were too tight-knit a group, and a Broadway cast was closer and crazier than the average family, making secrets impossible to keep and feelings impossible to hide. It was presumably the reason that Bobby – she had noticed – didn’t even bother pretending he was ok, choosing instead to remain uncharacteristically quiet and withdrawn, though honest as ever when pressed into speaking.

‘Fine. We’ll go. But call us if you change your mind,’ Dane finally relented, his smile apologetic but his eyes still sparkling. Hannah’s pretty pink lips twisted in a peculiar-but-sweet lopsided smile as Dane pushed up from the doorframe, the movement of his body forcing her to also step away.

‘Don’t stay here too late, okay?’ she warned gently as Dane tugged on her hand. Jessica laughed slightly and nodded.  
‘Promise,’ she said, and Hannah’s expression brightened as she reluctantly allowed herself to be pulled back further from the door by Dane. Finally she blew Jessica a kiss with her free hand before gracefully twirling away, years of ballet classes showing even though her outfit allowed little room for it, styled as it was with edgy glamour, tight jeans and a leather jacket.

 

Jessica sat and listened to the clumping of Hannah’s heels on the theatre stairs as they gradually faded away. She felt a certain peace come over her as the theatre fell once more into near-silence. It was rare for a theatre to ever be so still, and the feeling was foreign her. Of course, her friendship with Bobby had meant that she rarely found herself in a still room; Bobby was always moving, an underlying restlessness about him that never went away, even when he was tired. She shook herself slightly, as though trying to stir herself from her daydreaming, and she got to her feet somewhat abruptly, gathering up her belongings as quickly as she could and stuffing them into her bag with one hand whilst trying to put on her coat and scarf with the other. The result was a tangle of belongings and a coat which was twisted around so badly she could only get one arm into it. It occurred to her in that moment just how badly she needed a solid night’s sleep; she couldn’t remember the last time that had happened, what with things at Bombshell having been so manic and her mind seemingly unable to rest since her fight with Bobby. An image of her bed – covers heaped high – suddenly loomed large in her mind, and she almost ached at the thought, suddenly desperate to get out of the theatre, burrow down and forget the world for a week or so.

 

Although dropping off the radar for a whole week wasn’t feasible if she wanted to actually be paid this month, she knew she could at least get a decent night’s sleep. She was so exhausted she felt she could fall asleep right there in her dressing room – her limbs certainly felt heavy enough and she definitely had very little desire to battle the city streets and get all the way home. Some traitorous part of her brain reminded her that Bobby lived closer to the theatre than she did, and that if she wasn’t fighting with him he probably would’ve let her piggy-back at least part of the way and then curl up in his bed whilst he made her a hot chocolate; she even had enough clothes left at his place that staying a couple of nights wouldn’t be that big of a deal. But Bobby wouldn’t even look at her these days, unless they were on stage and the scene required it. And Jessica, for her part, was trying to hold firm on her vow of not speaking to him until he apologised. She was also trying to pretend that her recent trouble sleeping had everything to do with the crazy schedule at Bombshell and nothing to do with the ongoing hostilities with her best friend.

 

Blowing out a breath – and attempting to blow away that particular train of thought – she forced her body into action, pushing herself up from her dressing table and gathering up the rest of her bags. Although she was one of the last in, as she flicked off the dressing room light and headed down the stairs, the sound of voices drifted out from one of the dressing rooms, and several harried-looking wardrobe assistants passed her on the stairs a moment later, offering her goodnight wishes and tight smiles before resuming their conversation.

 

As she was about to head out of the stage door and into the cold, she was surprised to collide with someone coming in, and she let out a gasp as she found herself looking up into the face of Sam Strickland. ‘Sam!’ she exclaimed, her face splitting into the most genuine smile she’d mustered in days, and Sam smiled back at her, pulling her in for a quick hug.  
‘Well hi there, stranger! How’re things going?’

‘Never mind that – how are you?! And what are you doing here?! I thought you’d vowed to never come back to Bombshell again or something?’

‘Actually, I vowed never to deal with Tom again. But that’s not the point. Half my friends still work here, you know – I was bound to show my face sometime,’ Sam shrugged somewhat defensively, and Jessica laughed, tilting her head in acknowledgement.

‘It’s still kinda late for a social call though,’ she pointed out and Sam rolled his eyes.

‘I know – I was supposed to be meeting Ivy, but then I get there and she tells me she left her phone behind. But you know Ivy: high heels and a trip all the way back across town do not mix, so I offered to come pick it up.’ He shrugged. ‘That way I can collect my Best Friend Of The Year Award on the walk back in the opposite direction, you know.’ Sam’s eyes twinkled mischievously and Jessica laughed, shaking her head slightly. A little of her exhaustion had been lifted by Sam’s presence, and she felt a lighter somehow.

 

When she glanced up, she realised Sam was looking at her thoughtfully, and she suddenly became very aware of her somewhat dishevelled appearance: messy plaits, pale skin and dark shadows beneath her eyes which no amount of make-up seemed able to completely hide. ‘Ivy told me about you and Bobby you know,’ Sam said gently. Jessica turned her eyes down, fiddling with a thread on her scarf. ‘You and him not talking…it must’ve been a pretty serious fight you guys had.’ Sam had a way of coaxing information out of people, and Jessica could already feel the urge to explain the whole sorry story to him building in her chest. But she didn’t want to go over it again, she just desperately wanted to get home and to sleep and for people to stop assuming that she and Bobby should be joined at the hip for the rest of their lives in order to properly function in the world.

‘I don’t know, Sam…I think it was less of a fight and more of…the end of the friendship.’ It hurt to say it aloud, it hurt to even admit she’d had the thought at all. But she had. Many times. Especially in the dead of night as she lay in her bed unable to sleep. ‘I just can’t see a way back from this – I mean, if he’d just apologize, but…well, you know Bobby. So I just can’t see it getting fixed…he went too far this time.’

 

When she looked up at Sam again, he was staring at her with a mixture of concern and disbelief and she shrugged uncomfortably. ‘I don’t think we’ll ever go back to how we were…and I don’t know how I feel about that, exactly, but…maybe it’s for the best. The way things are between us now…I can’t even see us speaking again.’

 

She closed her eyes and swallowed hard, only just realising how close to tears she was. Sam gave her arm a squeeze and she forced a weak smile in return.

‘Hey now, don’t say that. You might wake up tomorrow and feel differently – right now it’s all still fresh. You two will work it out.’

‘I wouldn’t be so sure,’ Jessica laughed sadly and Sam smiled back at her kindly.

‘Woah, come on now. No one is closer than you two, how can you be giving up on that over a stupid argument?’ he asked and she offered him a faint, lopsided smile.

‘It was a bit more than a stupid argument, Sam…trust me…it was…’ She searched for a moment for a profound enough word and came up short. ‘It was _big_ ,’ she sighed.

 

She looked down and attempted to shrug the whole thing off. ‘It was probably never the healthiest friendship for either of us anyway,’ she managed, knowing there was a severe lack of conviction in her voice, and the dismissal would sound ridiculous to anyone who knew them, but she was far too low on energy to really care ‘Maybe he wasn’t the person I thought he was after all.’

‘The person you thought he was being…?’ Sam pressed, raising an eyebrow. Jessica shrugged.

‘I don’t know…prickly but essentially good? Honest when it mattered?’

‘And was he not honest? When it really, truly mattered? When you looked him in the eye and asked him to give you an honest answer: did he?’

 

Jessica faltered. She knew that the truthful answer to that was that – when asked directly about what had happened – Bobby had told her the whole truth immediately. She also knew he had never actually lied. And strangely she hadn’t doubted him at all when he’d told her that he had never meant to keep her in the dark for as long as he did. She also knew that he’d never pretended to be ok with the idea of Jake staying in town and that he had never pushed her to come to any conclusions about Jake that weren’t entirely her own. But the fact he’d acted on her behalf, and let her believe it was all down to chance for so long, still stung, because she’d thought that the two of them had always shared everything that mattered.

‘It’s just complicated, Sam.’ It didn’t come close to explaining the mess of thoughts in her head, but she didn’t have the strength to get into it, and she didn’t want to keep Sam standing in the doorway forever by going into it all then and there anyway.

 

Sam folded his arms, regarding her thoughtfully. His eyes were kind, but his expression was serious and Jessica let out a self-conscious laugh. ‘What?!’ she asked and Sam offered her a small smile.

‘You know, Ivy filled me in on the details…I hope you don’t mind. I was down about not being able to find a decent job and she was just trying to distract me, you know how it is…besides: I miss Bombshell, believe it or not. And although there were some things she left out, I got the idea.’ Sam looked at her for confirmation that he hadn’t just gotten Ivy in trouble, and Jessica offered him a small smile and a nod of assent. ‘Look, I get why it would make you mad that he would do that. I really do. And I’m sure Bobby is as sorry for that part of it as you want him to be. But…look, I’ve never been Bobby’s biggest fan. But when we were on Bombshell together, I think I finally started to get that that catty-comment-making, hair-flicking act he puts on all the time is just his way of dealing with all the awfulness we have to put up with in this business – in this world, even. And when it comes down to it, when it really counts, Bobby is always going to be the guy who comes through – because he’s always prepared to tough it out for the people he cares about. Hell, he’s even prepared to tough it out for the people he’s not that bothered about, as long as he knows it’s the right thing to do.’

 

Sam sighed, looking at Jessica’s sad expression and shaking his head. ‘He is a good guy, Jess. That part hasn’t changed. And he cares about you a lot. Don’t let your need to be angry get in the way of really seeing him and your friendship for what it is, ok? Because, one mistake? It doesn’t undermine everything else a person has going for them – nobody’s perfect, especially not on Broadway.’ Jessica managed a small smile.

‘I know,’ she acknowledged, glancing away. ‘I guess I just feel like we already crossed that line, Sam. I said things I can’t take back and…I’m not even sure I want to take them back, you know? Not all of them. I don’t care what his reasons were, he should’ve known me better.’

‘And you should’ve known not to call him ‘Terrible’ – but you still did it. Ivy wouldn’t say why it was a thing, but she told me he had good reasons and I believe her, because I know Bobby. And so do you, Jess,’ Sam pointed out, and when Jessica looked at him in surprise he shrugged. ‘I really didn’t get the full story, but Ivy told me enough,’ he said by way of explanation, and Jessica gave him a small nod.

 

She was surprised to see that, though Sam’s expression was thoughtful, his eyes were clouded by something she couldn’t quite place. It was as though he hadn’t even defined the emotion for himself yet; a sort of sadness and regret that didn’t have clear edges and that seeped out and spread, mixing itself in with frustration and worry and then expanding out into something altogether more complex. ‘Look, trust me on this one, Jess: there are some people who want to protect you more than they want anything else, and if they think what they’re doing is better for you in the long run? They will push and they will push and they will make it happen – even if it’s a stupid plan, even if it’s the wrong thing to do, even if they hate doing it and you hate them doing it and they know they’re going to get in trouble for it later…they just can’t help themselves from trying to fix things. Trying to do the best thing.’ Sam let out a hollow laugh, rolling his eyes and drawing in a deep breath before looking back at Jessica intently. ‘What I’m trying to say is that it doesn’t make them a bad person – and it doesn’t even make them a different person than who you thought they were before. And you don’t want to go working yourself up into some blind rage over it to the point where you can’t see the goodness that was mixed up in there all along.’ He shrugged, looking down, trying to play off the exhaustion which had now crept into his own expression. ‘Once you start doing that, and you go on down that road…that’s when you let things go too far…and once they’ve gone too far you’ve ruined that person forever in your head, and they’ll know it just as much as you do. Too much has been said and done and implied…you end up feeling like they might not be the bad guy in the whole thing after all, because you pushed things so far they don’t recognise you either, and they’re scared to even look you in the eye again.’

 

A silence fell between them. Jessica reached up and gave Sam’s bicep a small squeeze, tilting her head to try and meet his eyes.

‘Are we still talking about me and Bobby here, or does this have more to do with someone else who works on this show? About so tall, floppy hair, always about two seconds from a nervous breakdown?’ she ventured, making a gesture to indicate Tom’s height and smiling up at Sam with a mixture of playfulness and sympathy. He let out a soft laugh, shaking his head.

‘Actually, I was still talking about you and Bobby. But…yeah, I do know something about what you’re going through.’ He sighed and looked her in the eye. ‘Promise me you’ll think about it, yeah? Remember what’s at stake and ask yourself if it’s worth it, before you lose something you really can’t get back. At least talk to the guy, try and come to some understanding before it all goes too far.’

 

Jessica nodded, but she couldn’t look him in the eye. When Tom had messed up, Sam hadn’t let it go – was he really regretting it that much now? He still made barbed comments about their neurotic director whenever he got the chance, and he certainly didn’t seem to act like someone full of regrets over a lost chance. But she had seen the look in his eyes just now, and she knew that look couldn’t have come only out of frustration at not getting a new job yet – there was too much sadness in it for it to be as simple as Broadway being a cruel place to make a living.

‘Can you promise me something in return?’ she asked suddenly. Sam looked at her, chuckling softly and shrugging.

‘Sure, go ahead.’

‘Don’t keep staying away from Tom and Bombshell just because of how you two left things, ok? Because whatever you think he thinks about you? It can’t hurt for him to see you’re not really holding a grudge anymore.’ Jessica smiled lopsidedly. ‘I think he still thinks that you hate him.’

‘Hey, no one said that I don’t – ok?’ Sam shot back, though the look on his face was conflicted at best and Jessica arched an eyebrow at him, coaxing out a brief, sad smile. She laughed and nodded.

‘Got it,’ she said and Sam smiled at her. ‘Sleep on it, ok?’

‘Same to you, Jess, you know?’ Sam told her with kind firmness and Jessica smiled, giving him a slight incline of her head in agreement. ‘I’ll see you soon – you get home safe or Bobby’ll never forgive me, ok?’ Jessica couldn’t help but grin at that.

‘I don’t know about that so much. But sure. I’ll see you around, Sam.’

 

 

***

 

 

_‘Like, I thought, for the first time in my whole career I was actually going to have to miss a show and pretend to be sick just to avoid having to tell the stage manager the story – because I knew there was no way she would believe me, she never did even when I had other people to back me up! So anyway, I’m trapped, sending out this silent prayer to the universe: and guess who shows up? Jess. She takes one look at my face and she knows – it’s one of the perks of slowly melding into the same person, that you can kind of read each other’s minds half the time without needing actual words. We’d not even seen each other in three days, but it didn’t even matter, you know? We always click back into place. When things get tough, we fall back on our secret language and our extensive catalogue of crazy stories. It’s the one guaranteed way of making everything feel ok. And, for the record? I didn’t have to call in sick that day: Jess had had some kind of psychic flash and showed up with her set of the keys so…’_

***

 

 

‘Hey, hold the elevator, would you?’ Jessica blinked in surprise as Bobby came hurtling across the lobby towards her, and before she even had the time to reach across to press the button, he managed to execute an artful spin to make it through the doors just in time. She couldn’t help but laugh as he slumped back dramatically, his head tipped up and his hair in his eyes. ‘Word of advice: don’t ever let yourself end up in a position where you need to be up this early in the morning the day after you’ve had a cover run and an evening show _and_ a birthday party for a friend who’s only ever in town for five minutes at a time and expects your undivided attention from midnight ‘til dawn.’ Jessica couldn’t help but smirk at him. He was breathing heavily, raking a hand through his unruly hair and smoothing it down, his energy something closer to his old self than it had been since their fight. He shot her a sidelong glance, and for a moment it was like old times as he arched a wry eyebrow at her. ‘Do I look dead? I feel like I might be dead.’

‘Sorry, Chorus Boy,’ she said, hoping to come across as carefree but realising she probably sounded somewhat uncomfortable as she almost tripped over the familiar nickname. ‘Definitely alive,’ she added with a tight smile. Bobby just whined, seeming not to notice her self-consciousness. Probably too sleep-deprived, Jessica thought, suppressing a yawn of her own.

 

There had been a certain thawing between the two of them over the past few days; they were nowhere near their old friendship, they weren’t even close to being completely casual acquaintances yet never mind best friends, but the tension between them had started to lessen, and the complete wall of silence had been lifted, at least at the theatre anyway. Of course, Eileen still had them all on a PR blitz, and Jessica suspected that exhaustion was probably partly responsible for this new state of affairs: they were too tired to keep so many guards up all the time. She couldn’t deny Sam’s words had had some effect too, however, no matter how much she tried to pretend otherwise. She had no idea what might have contributed to Bobby’s – admittedly tentative – return to his old self, though she didn’t like to think about it too much. It was so long since she had had no idea what was going on in his life or which people he was turning to; she had always had involvement in almost every part of his life since the day they met, and she had previously been one of the only people he turned to for support. The thought of her now becoming distant and un-needed by him scared her more than she wanted to admit. Bobby was not yet operating at full-beam, she knew, but she could see a little light in his eyes again, and some traitorous, no-longer-angry part of her was desperate to know what – or who – had put it there.

 

As they stepped off on their floor, Bobby rolled his eyes and let out one of his more disparaging sighs as he looked around them.

‘Why are we back here, Jess? I thought we’d finally been freed from this hell,’ he remarked darkly. Jessica couldn’t help the wry smile on her lips as she looked over at him.

‘What, are you trying to tell me you haven’t missed the place where Bombshell was born?!’ she shot back sarcastically as they pushed through the doors and crossed the room. ‘But you got yelled at in so many different parts of this room,’ she teased. She couldn’t deny it sent a thrill through her when Bobby smirked, leaning in towards her conspiratorially just like old times.

‘God. I thought I liked drama ‘til I joined this show,’ he told her. ‘Don’t let on, but I think I changed my mind,’ he muttered, before promptly straightening up and flicking his hair out of his eyes as if the conversation had never happened.

 

Jessica hung back slightly as Bobby disentangled himself from his bag, making a beeline for Ivy, who was sitting in the corner of the room, yawning as she scrolled through messages on her phone.

‘Hey, Centre Stage. Tell me you’re as exhausted as I am, please,’ Bobby greeted and Ivy smirked at him. Jessica noticed the way her gaze flicked between the two of them as they both came up to join her, and over Bobby’s shoulder she caught Ivy flashing her a hopeful, querying look. She tamped down the rush of disappointment she felt as she shook her head and offered Ivy a tight smile and a shrug.

 

Ivy quickly shifted her gaze back to Bobby, meeting his eyes and laughing softly as she took him in.

‘Wow, Chorus Boy; you look worse than I feel. Late night?’ she asked, her tone teasingly bright. Bobby groaned and flopped down onto the floor next to her.

‘Don’t even ask.’ He yawned. ‘I’m pretty sure I sang Beyoncé to a police officer. But that could’ve been a dream I had.’

‘Wow, Bobby,’ Jessica laughed, sitting down on Ivy’s other side.

‘I know, right? I have the most amazing life,’ he shot back with a smirk.

 

Jessica smiled slightly and glanced away, and this time Bobby seemed to sense the strangeness of their sudden familiarity and he too quickly turned his attention elsewhere, his eyes flicking over to the door as more people began to arrive.

‘Please: we all know you hate your life as much as all the rest of us right now,’ Ivy remarked, bumping her shoulder against his, her tone affectionate. ‘Next time I decide to start sleeping with an ego-maniac director with muse-issues – whilst trying to open a show on Broadway – can one of you please remind me that that sort of relationship will never end well?’ she added. Bobby arched an eyebrow and briefly he and Jessica couldn’t help making eye contact, a weight of understanding and history in the air between them.

‘There’s a story there,’ Bobby said in a low, dry tone.

‘What happened?’ Jessica asked tentatively at the same time. Ivy pulled a face.

‘Don’t ask. I’m over it already,’ she dismissed quickly. Jessica caught the sceptical look on Bobby’s face, but knew it was no longer her place to prod him into speaking his mind. She also knew that he wasn’t likely to risk giving Ivy his unfiltered opinions when both of them were dangerously sleep deprived.

 

‘So…when do the impressionable young minds get here? I feel in the mood for putting unsuspecting children off a career on Broadway,’ Bobby said idly, tipping his head back in a show of boredom. Ivy swotted at him.

‘Don’t you dare,’ she warned, laughing, and Bobby simply grinned, sly and amused.

‘Hey, you were the one pointing out we’re all miserable,’ he shot back. ‘And exhausted,’ he said, glancing over to Jessica who was trying to stifle a yawn.

‘I’m pretty sure Agnes has put a ban on the use of the word ‘exhausted’ actually. At least once the camera crew gets here anyway,’ Ivy pointed out, her expression disconsolate.

‘God, I _so_ do not want to be on camera today,’ Bobby drawled.

‘Oh please, you love being on camera. It’s like your third favourite thing after being on stage and being the centre of attention,’ Jessica told him dryly and Bobby let out a huffy sigh.

‘Well when you put it like that,’ he pouted, widening his eyes slightly. Ivy and Jessica smirked at him, exchanging a knowing look.

‘He’s really annoying when he’s not had time to get coffee,’ Ivy remarked playfully.

‘Oh my God, I’m a delight Ivy Lynn. Wow.’ Bobby pulled a face. ‘Anyway, I have had my coffee. You don’t think I could seriously face teaching Mambo to a bunch of kids then perform on camera without coffee, do you? I’d probably end up unconscious, riding up and down on the elevator all day ‘til someone realised I was missing and sent help.’

 

Bobby licked his lips, watching as Tom and Eileen arrived, talking about something in hushed voices as they crossed the room to speak to a man from the TV crew. ‘I actually went on one of these stupid school trip workshop things once,’ he remarked idly. ‘I hated it,’ he added. Ivy frowned.

‘Why?’ she asked. Jessica smiled.

‘Is that the one where you got sick?’ she asked. Bobby nodded, shooting her a look that was dancing with devilish amusement.

‘Yeah,’ he said, eyes glittering as he widened them comically.

‘What happened?’ Ivy said and Jessica laughed.

‘Bobby got tired of the school’s chaperoned tour of Broadway, so he pretended to be sick and snuck off for his own personal tour of the city,’ Jessica smirked. Bobby grinned impishly.

‘Yeah. Only I ended up getting sick for real and my classmates got to meet Patti LuPone.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘Zak has never let me live it down, I swear.’ He pulled a face. ‘Never stay friends with the kids from your hometown. They know way too much.’

 

Once more, Bobby and Jessica found themselves sharing one of those looks, amusement and understanding clear in both their faces. Jessica stared at him for a moment, taking in that familiar face and feeling a sudden tightness in her chest as memories threatened to overwhelm her. She drew in a breath and was about to speak – though she wasn’t sure what she was going to say – when suddenly the doors to the rehearsal space banged open, the wardrobe girls wheeling in a rail of costumes and effectively shattering the moment. Bobby smiled tightly at Jessica before glancing over to the rail of clothes with a sigh. ‘Ok, I’m gonna go grab my costume. I need to do something about how crazy my hair has gotten before dancing: I swear if I don’t flatten it down with half a tub of hair gel these days it ends up in my eyes every time I’m trying to do something incredibly complicated with a prop or whatever,’ he said, rolling his eyes and getting to his feet.

 

Jessica vowed to make sure she talked to him once the camera crew and the kids had been safely despatched, promising silently not to let herself fall back into too much familiarity with him until they’d had a chance to discuss where exactly it was their friendship even stood. But the problem was there were too many years of history between them – and too few hours of sleep – for her defences to hold for long. As they tried desperately to remain awake and upbeat whilst helping Ivy patiently explain the intricacies of the show’s choreography, Jessica found herself drawn to Bobby’s side, smiling and smacking him every time he made some barbed remark under his breath and laughing every time he attempted to slap some colour back into his cheeks. She even rested her head on his shoulder a couple of times, muscle memory winning out. They had plenty of partner-work in the number as it was, but even when they fell out of the choreography they seemed to gravitate towards each other, their natural instinct being to huddle together at the back. Jessica even found herself slipping her hand into his at one point – she’d tried to catch herself, tell herself it was awkward and uncomfortable. But, if she was honest with herself, she knew it made her feel better than she had in days. She glanced at him as the number came to an end, laughing as she saw he had already dropped his mask of performance, looking like he’d more or less collapsed in the chair Ivy had vacated. He caught her looking and rolled his eyes theatrically in response.

 

The time seemed, to Jessica, to go by too quickly and too slowly all at once: she was desperate to talk to Bobby, but a part of her was enjoying their current truce, despite the occasional awkward looks away when things seemed that bit too much like nothing had ever happened. The camera crew were the first to begin packing away, and then it was just the children left to keep pretending to be awake for. After a while the chorus’ usefulness in delivering the workshop to the children somewhat diminished, and one by one people began to melt away, until it was just Bobby and Jessica left standing, flanking Ivy and trying to maintain their smiles. Bobby seemed to take particular joy in being put in charge of demonstrating the intricacies of the choreography involving the chair, and Jessica watched him with what she was surprised to realise was genuine pride and affection. It didn’t matter how long they had known each other, and it didn’t matter how angry she thought she was with him, Bobby still impressed her when he fell so easily in and out of character and she still couldn’t help but love him when he flicked the switch inside himself and began to perform.

 

As Ivy was finally left to say goodbye to the children, Jessica made her way to the back of the room. A few remaining members of the camera crew were still packing away, and members of the afternoon’s camera crew were drifting in, but Jessica let them drift around her, instead watching Bobby, who stood on the other side of the room, consulting with someone over what would be required of him for the rest of the day. As though he could feel her eyes on him, he looked up – the expression on his face was unreadable, and Jessica shot him a tight smile which he returned, his dark eyes shining slightly in the morning sunshine which filled the room. Excusing himself from his conversation, he elegantly backed away, turning artfully on his heel and heading over to join her by the barre.

‘Hey,’ Jessica said softly as he leant beside her, casually crossing his legs at the ankle and stretching.

‘Hey,’ he replied, his gaze downturned and his voice soft. ‘Look, Jess, I didn’t get much sleep last night, and it’s still early…we only have a half hour to get ourselves ready to film this piece for Backstage Broadway…’ He let out a sigh, finally glancing up to meet her eyes and turning his body towards her. ‘I know we’re supposed to be in a fight right now, and I know for whatever reason we’ve been really bad at keeping it up so far this morning…but like it or not: I know you. I know you want to ask me to talk and…I don’t know if it’s such a good idea.’

 

Jessica drew in a deep breath. It was her turn to avoid his gaze.

‘Look, I know the timing’s bad but…’ She faltered, lifting her shoulder in a lost half-shrug, and when she looked at Bobby he was flashing her a sad little smile, his eyes dancing with a certain fondness that made her ache for the end of their argument. ‘Is there ever going to be a good time, Bobby? What happened, when we fought-’

‘Can’t ever be made to un-happen, Jess,’ Bobby said gently. Jessica nodded.

‘This is one of those conversations that’s just going to keep getting away from us if we don’t force it though…and since we’re both too tired to function like anything but friends, maybe we should just make the most of it. What do you say?’ She looked up at him out of the corner of her eye. He smiled at her somewhat sleepily, tipping his head in agreement.

‘Sure. Let’s go talk then.’

 

As they walked away, Jessica briefly let herself lean in close towards Bobby.

‘I’ve missed you, you know,’ she said, so quietly that Bobby seemed to take a moment to realise she’d even spoken. After a beat he leant in by her ear, dipping his head so the two of them were almost level.

‘I missed you too, Glitter Bug.’

 

Jessica couldn’t deny that it sent a slight thrill of happiness through her to finally hear the old nickname on his lips again. For all that they had fallen back into old habits so far that morning, she had been hyper-aware of the fact he had called her only by ‘Jess’ or ‘Jessica’ the entire time, and it had stung more than she wanted to admit. She looked up at him as he straightened himself up slightly, tugging his costume down and smoothing it out. There was no clue in his expression as to why he might suddenly have let his guard slip, though – no sense of whether it had been deliberate or whether he hadn’t even noticed himself doing it.

 

As they came into the other room, Jessica was relieved to find that it was empty; she didn’t want to have this conversation with an audience of Bombshell cast members, it simply felt like too much pressure – she had been aware of both of them being watched closely every time they had been in close proximity over the past few days, and even more so this morning, and she got the definite sense that everyone was holding their breath, desperate for a reconciliation. The scrutiny was intense – far more intense than being on a Broadway stage – and there was already enough stress on the two of them simply from the burden of their years of friendship, weighing down the air between them and upping the stakes of what was to be lost and gained should any more harsh words be said.

 

As they crossed over to the dilapidated old couch which occupied the corner of the room, Jessica became aware of how Bobby had drifted away from her, and when she glanced up at his face she saw a tired, shuttered expression had come to rest there, his dark eyes somehow less bright as he avoided her gaze. He was already protecting himself, steeling himself, and suddenly she felt a knot forming in her chest as the full seriousness of the conversation ahead of them settled over her. She still felt some of that anger even now, but it had become mixed in with fear, regret and understanding along the way, and she couldn’t be sure what would come out when she spoke. She wasn’t even sure what she wanted from him, if she was truly honest with herself: was this the conversation where she absolved him of everything, begged his forgiveness for her own poor choice of words and agreed to never bring it up again, or was this the conversation where they buried the friendship they had both promised in the past would be forever? This was a friendship that had come to affect every part of both their lives, and it scared her that she didn’t even know for sure what might happen to it in the next few minutes. A potentially life-altering conversation was about to happen and she felt desperately unprepared for it.

 

The two of them flopped down onto the couch, Jessica tucking her legs under herself and smoothing out her skirt whilst Bobby perched on the opposite arm, leaning forward to rest an elbow on his knees and his chin on his hand. There was an awkward silence, and Jessica tried and failed to remember a time when she had ever felt so unsure of herself in Bobby’s presence. She swallowed hard, drawing in a deep breath to steady herself, and when she looked up she saw Bobby’s eyes were downturned, his expression even more guarded than it had been before.

 

‘If this is the part where you say you missed me, and it’s been wild but you never want to see me again, then I just really can’t hear it, ok? So just give me the summary so I can go somewhere and pretend it doesn’t bother me, please, but don’t drag it out or I might actually have to fall apart. Like, in front of people. Which I know you know I hate so…’ Bobby risked a brief glance at her and Jessica stared back at him wide-eyed.

‘Bobby,’ she whispered plaintively, sitting forward a little and resting a hand on his knee.

‘I would never say that I never want to see you again, ok? _Never_ ,’ she told him, hoping her firm tone conveyed the sheer force of her sincerity. He met her eyes then, staring down at her for a drawn out moment, and eventually he gave her a tiny nod. She self-consciously withdrew her hand and sighed, sitting back and turning her eyes down, playing slightly with the hem of her skirt. ‘Honestly I don’t even know what I want to say,’ she murmured, shaking her head slightly. ‘I never meant what I said to you that day, Bobby – I was just so mad and I wasn’t thinking…’ She looked up at him again and he met her gaze, giving her a stilted smile before glancing away. ‘I didn’t do it on purpose, Bobby. I would never.’

‘I know,’ he whispered. ‘I get it, Jess: you were pissed and I’d screwed up and the conversation went too far before we could stop it.’ He shrugged. ‘It hurt, you know how much it hurt – but I forgave you for it before I’d even got as far as the door, you know? You’re my best friend, Jess. I’d forgive you anything – I guess I’d just always hoped that cut both ways.’

 

Once again their eyes met, Bobby’s gaze sad but Jessica’s expression somewhat defensive as she shook her head.

‘It’s not that simple, Bobby!’ she protested, though her voice was still soft. ‘What you did really got to me too, ok? It _still_ bothers me.’ She closed her eyes and drew in a breath. ‘I want you back in my life, Bobby, I really do…I just…I’m just not at the forgive and forget place yet, ok?’ She looked over at him, quirking an eyebrow. ‘And don’t you think that’s fair? Really? I love you, Bobby, you know that. But that doesn’t make me somehow ok with what you did.’ She looked up into Bobby’s face, searching it for some clue that he understood where she was coming from, but his brow was slightly furrowed and he looked away. ‘Bobby, you know who I am, you know the person I am, ok? You know who I am and you know the rules I play by: you should’ve known that what you were doing…it was something I just wouldn’t have been ok with. You should’ve told me first, and you should’ve known that I would never have let you do it if I’d known.’

 

Jessica still looked up at him, but Bobby had closed his eyes and turned his head away from her at her words. He drew in a shaky breath before he opened his eyes again. The look he gave her was so broken, Jessica felt her heart perform a complicated somersault in her chest.

‘But you know who I am too, Jess. Or at least that was what I thought.’ He turned his eyes up towards the ceiling, tipping his head back. ‘God, I cannot cry right now,’ he muttered to himself, his voice catching slightly. Jessica swallowed down tears of her own.

 

It took a moment, but Bobby seemed to steady himself, and when he looked back at Jessica again he finally met her eyes. His own eyes sparkled with unshed tears, but his thin lips had been flattened into a level, emotionless line and his voice was steady when he spoke.

‘ _You_ know who _I_ am. _You_ know what rules _I_ play by. And yet, somehow, you’re acting like this is all news to you. Like you never knew me at all. I put up with that guy calling me a fag and a queen and a pathetic little chorus boy every day, I put up with him making digs at my life and my job and generally going out of his way to try and piss me off or hurt my feelings. And you know what? Yeah, sometimes, it hurt. But I let it go. I told myself it didn’t matter what he thought or how he talked to me, as long as you were happy. But you _weren’t_ happy, Jess.’ He let out a humourless laugh. ‘God, Jess, you were _miserable_. That final time you took him back I didn’t understand how he managed to convince you, but I promised myself I wasn’t going to stand by any more and watch him try to _destroy_ my best friend. You’re one of the best people I’ve ever known, Jess – and he didn’t just miss the point, he went out of his way to make you feel like everything was your fault all the time, like you were the problem. It was crazy. So when he broke up with you that last time, I told him: you try and get back with her, I will chase you out of town. And he showed up at my place that night and he tore a strip off me, told me he was going to click his fingers and that he knew you’d come running. And even though I knew that wasn’t true, I still knew he would either make sure he got his way, or he would find some other way to destroy you instead. If he was around to do it, at least.’ Bobby shrugged. ‘So I made sure he wasn’t around. And you moved on. In peace. Of your own accord, not because of me or anything I’d done. And you didn’t even think about him for so long I actually thought it didn’t matter anymore whether I was the one to chase him out or not: you were finally happy, and no matter what you say, Jess, you have to know that was all I ever wanted.’

 

And it was true. Jessica knew it, not just from the sincerity in his voice, but simply from knowing who Bobby was. He was stubborn and feisty – but he was also loyal and passionate. He was protective. But she still felt, deep inside, like he’d crossed a line. In what world was it ok to make the decision for her, to play not just with Jake’s life but also with hers, never letting her know he was standing back, pulling the strings?

‘Bobby, I get that, I do but…come on: driving a guy out of town, messing in his career…and the whole time letting me think it was just how things happened to play out? You took the choice away from me, Bobby. It was my choice to make, ok? And you should’ve trusted me to make the right one.’ She squeezed her eyes closed and sighed. ‘You should’ve at least asked whether or not I even wanted him driven out, whether I even needed things to go that far.’

‘I couldn’t,’ Bobby said quietly, and Jessica opened her eyes, looking over at him in confusion. ‘I knew what you’d have said, Jess. I knew that, no matter how badly you wanted and needed him gone, no matter how badly you needed that time, you would never let me force him to give it to you. So I bought you the time without telling you. It doesn’t mean the choice wasn’t yours in the end.’

‘You can’t seriously be saying that: I didn’t get any choice, Bobby, not one with all the facts! It’s _my life_ , ok? It wasn’t for you to decide I needed space, it wasn’t for you to decide I needed time. All you had to do was _be there for me_ ,’ Jessica snapped back at him, feeling her anger prickle even as a tear slipped down her cheek.

 

She looked at Bobby somewhat desperately, and it surprised her to see not even a flicker of an apology in his expression. He quirked an eyebrow at her, letting out a small, brittle laugh.

‘Wow, Jess: so you’re trying to tell me you’ve never gone to any of _my_ exes behind _my_ back?’ Jessica moved her mouth to protest but found she couldn’t, and Bobby smirked slightly. ‘Yeah. Exactly. You can’t look me in the eye and tell me you’ve never tried to speak for me, or warn guys off, because it’s not true. And you were right before: I do know you, and I know the rules you play by. You go to my boyfriends and you tell them not to hurt me. And when they do, you go back and you tell them to back off because you know I won’t ever cut them out if you don’t do it for me. You told Dennis more than once to not come to a birthday party or a stage door or a dance class.’

‘I never went as far as you,’ Jessica said firmly, her voice low and fierce. Bobby didn’t flinch, and still there was no hint of regret in his face. Just sadness. Hopeless, quietly resigned sadness. He flashed her a devastated little smile.

‘And that’s really how you see it, huh? Wow. And I thought we were best friends,’ he murmured. ‘For the record, you went further: you tried to take the whole decision out of my hands by making them think I didn’t even know what was best for myself. But I didn’t mind. Because I got it: you didn’t like that they hurt me and you knew I’d never say goodbye of my own accord, even when I should.’ He shrugged. ‘But I never took the decision away from you. The choice was always yours to make on whether or not you wanted to keep Jake around. You could’ve tracked Jake down: I offered to find him for you whenever you thought about calling him up and getting answers, you know that’s true. And you can't say I wasn't there for you either, actually. I sat and listened to you analyse and re-analyse every detail of your last conversation with the guy. I never once told you the things he’d say to me when you weren’t around or what all our other friends thought of him – I never even told you what _I_ really thought of him and you together until you begged me to give you my take. I dried your tears, I made you laugh, I listened to you rant, sat up ‘til four in the morning with you and took you out for drinks. I did everything in my power to give you everything you needed to make the choices you needed to make and I didn’t judge you for any of it.’

 

Jessica felt like she was falling, and she had to work hard to keep her breathing even, but Bobby didn’t seem to notice, his gaze now faraway and glassy. ‘And I never told Jake I’d come after him if he called you from out of town. In fact, I made it clear if you wanted him back I’d let it lie. If he had cared about you anywhere near as much as he said he did? He wouldn’t have let himself get chased out of town by some chorus boy – he would’ve got a backbone and he would’ve found a way to talk to you back then, instead of crawling back now full of poison. All he cares about is feeling like he’s won, Jess.’ Bobby rolled his eyes. ‘And yet it’s the guy who cares about nothing but your happiness who you can’t find a way to forgive.’

 

There was another heavy silence. Jessica squeezed her eyes shut more tightly, trying to stop any tears from falling. She could feel Bobby moving beside her, sliding down to sit next to her and leaning in close. She couldn’t move, though, couldn’t even look at him: her anger had dissipated, but the gaping hole where it had been was somehow just as painful and she knew if she looked at him she’d either say something she’d regret or burst into tears. Her throat felt tight as Bobby tucked her hair behind her ear and placed a single, gentle kiss to her forehead. ‘I love you, Glitter Bug. And I am so sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner and I’m sorry that I don’t know how to fix it. I’m sorry that it’s all come to this.’ His voice was painfully soft, rough and warm, and he was close enough now for her to smell the familiar scent of his aftershave. ‘I know I’m terrible and I know I’m awful. But…no matter how much you might not have meant it? I still wish you hadn’t said it. Because I can’t un-hear it in my head when I look at you. Because every time I see that anger in your face I-’ Jessica’s eyes snapped open and she cut him off by grabbing his arm tightly.

‘ _Bobby_ , you’re not-’ she began to protest, but Bobby flinched away from her, turning his eyes down.

‘Look, I’m sorry…I’m sorry, ok? But I just…I can’t do this with you. I can’t go over all this anymore…I just…I don’t know what you want from me to fix it, Jess. And it’s killing me.’ He swallowed and stood up abruptly. ‘I just can’t do this, Jess. I’m sorry,’ he whispered. And with that, he walked away, leaving Jessica watching him helplessly, a sudden, awful clarity coming over her that the words she’d meant to say – ‘I love you too much to think anything you do is unforgivable’ – had somehow danced out of her grasp, only coming back to her now it was probably far too late.

 

***

 

_‘‘AHHHHHHHHHHH! OH MY GOD, JESSICA! I adore you, you know that? I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as sweet as you who is also as completely, totally crazy. You’re my favourite thing. Like, in the history of the universe. God. I’ve always wanted to be that person who had a best friend who’d dance on a bar with him. And now I am. You’re dream come true, you know that? Seriously. And that’s not the alcohol talking…I mean, maybe a little bit, but only in the sense that normally I don’t let people close enough to hear my secrets. But anyway, I’ve got a secret for you, so come here. Ok, so…I once snuck away from a school trip to New York and decided to have my own little tour of Broadway. And there are so many stories from that trip, I’m not even kidding. But everybody knows them – I’ve already told you some. But anyway, that day I was walking down the street and I saw this group of people coming. And don’t ask me how – maybe it was the way they dressed, or the way they spoke, or the way they talked – but I just knew they were chorus. They were linking arms and laughing and telling each other some wild backstage stories as they went in for some cover run. And I know it sounds really dumb, and really tragic, but I just had to follow them. I was like…obsessed or something. I snuck backstage at this show to watch this group of chorus run the same number ten times and I had one of the best days I’ve ever had. Because I loved the fact they all knew exactly how to hit their marks, when to lean in to make sure the levers on the set’s wheels were down so nothing rolled off into the audience. I loved seeing how they all knew how to be in line and be performing at the same time. It got to me, somehow. I wanted people to laugh with like they laughed together. But also…I wanted to be part of something the way they were. Does that sound weird to you?’_

***

 

Bobby was resting his chin on his hand, toying with the lid of his coffee cup as she talked, his eyes downturned. The only clue that he was listening to her at all was the slight furrow of his brow – something Karen had come to learn was one of the tells Bobby had when he was concentrating. She stopped mid-sentence, tipping her head to one side and regarding him curiously before clicking her fingers in an effort to get him to look at her.

 

‘Hey, Earth to Chorus Boy – have you been listening to a word I’ve said?’ she asked him through a laugh as he blinked slightly, looking over at her with raised eyebrows.

‘I was listening. God, Iowa, everyone doesn’t have to be looking at you all the time,’ he shot back quickly, rolling his eyes, his smile briefly bright and devilish as he took a sip of his coffee.

‘I know: because they all need to be looking at you all the time instead,’ Karen retorted, sticking her tongue out at him, and Bobby smirked.

‘Hey, what can I say? They don’t have to, but I can’t help it if they choose to,’ he shrugged airily and Karen smiled back at him with a mixture of affection and despair, rolling her eyes.

‘Ok, Bobby, if you’re so attentive and interested then why haven’t you made any comment about anything I’ve told you in the past five minutes?’ she demanded. ‘Seriously, what’s wrong with you? Normally you would’ve interrupted me like ten times by now.’ Bobby glowered at her, though there was very little malice in the look, and he leant back in his seat, sighing.

‘Nothing’s the matter, I was just thinking about what you said: I need time to digest the gossip that comes to me, Iowa. That’s what makes my Agony Aunt service the best in town,’ he told her, flashing her a bright, smile. ‘Besides, I need to make sure I’ve got all the details so that I can repeat them accurately later,’ he added, laughing and ducking out of the way as Karen reached across in an attempt to smack him.

‘See, this is why I didn’t call you for coffee sooner,’ she said, smothering at laugh of her own. ‘You’re a nightmare, you know that?’

‘And yet, you still called me,’ Bobby pointed out with a smile which should have been dazzling, but somehow, Karen realised, fell short of his usual light.

 

‘Seriously, is something wrong, Chorus Boy? You just don’t seem yourself today,’ she said in a more gentle voice, and it didn’t escape her the way Bobby avoided her eyes, returning to playing with his coffee cup.

‘I’m fine. Things are just a little manic over at Bombshell.’

‘Oh, well that makes a change,’ Karen joked, pulling a face, and Bobby shot her a small, sly smile, widening his eyes.

‘I know, right?!’ he smirked. ‘Eileen has us on the PR mission to end all PR missions. And thanks to Agnes, we’re booked solidly pretty much every day – and I’m talking before _and_ after the show. It’s ridiculous. But it’s even worse for Ivy. I don’t think any of us have had more than three hours of sleep in days…and I mean, like…out of all of us, put together…’

‘I hope you’re not fishing for sympathy, Bobby,’ Karen told him dryly. Bobby simply rolled his eyes.

‘Not as much as you are: oh the dark broody boy I like has gone crazy. Like, wow, Iowa, who didn’t see that one coming,’ he told her with a matter-of-fact drawl and a playfully sharp smile that made her laugh and want to kick him at the same time.

‘Hey!’ she protested weakly, trying not to show her smile, and Bobby simply let out a one of his little cackles, free entirely of remorse.

‘What? I proved I was listening, didn’t I?’ he pointed out archly.

‘I give up,’ Karen sighed, flashing him a small, affectionate smile all the same.

 

Bobby flicked his hair from his face and leant forward once more, the little crease in his forehead returning as he went back to studying his coffee cup that bit too closely. Again it struck Karen that something bigger was going on with him than just tiredness; his usual sly, bright tone was genuine for the most part, but it was interspersed with moments where he was simply too quiet and too still. She was used to him always moving, always commenting – but today he was more sombre than she thought she’d ever known him. She was genuinely concerned, but at the same time she couldn’t help but think she wasn’t perhaps one of the few people he let close enough to give the truth of his troubles too, and it occurred to her that he was probably the sort of person who would appreciate it if she kept up a tactful pretence that everything was normal.

 

She was about to speak, to offer him some lifeline of conversation, when he took her by surprise, looking at her studiously from the corner of his eye.

‘So, let me get this straight, Iowa,’ he said slowly, leaning back in his chair again and tilting his head to one side. His hair fell in dark, untamed waves across his forehead, curls forming no doubt in reaction against being forcibly smoothed down for the sake of Bombshell so many times a week – he raked a hand through the tangle and sighed in that dramatically despairing way of his that always made Karen laugh. ‘Ok, so: you decided you were seriously into him, then you found out he had some dark past, then he actually told you about that dark past – and you got into a fight with Ana over it, not a smart move but, hey, that’s not the problem you asked me for advice on so whatever – and you then oh-so-wisely told the broody creative-type with known ‘issues’ that you didn’t care about his past as long as he was trying to move forward in his life. Correct?’ He arched an eyebrow, and when Karen opened her mouth to protest, he simply put a hand up to stop her and carried on with his summary. ‘Correct. Ok. Then our little brooding prodigy decided he was going to have a moment – because his past came back to haunt him and it all got out of hand pretty fast – and your reaction to that? To tell him you were over him already and his time was up. Nice, Iowa. I hope I never need you to have my back in a life crisis.’ He rolled his eyes and Karen aimed a harmless kick at him under the table.

‘Hey! You know it wasn’t that simple: he started a fight, Bobby!’

‘Actually? Technically? Kyle started the fight.’ Bobby smirked, his eyes glinting with that dangerous brand of amusement which Karen hadn’t ever known in another human being. ‘Trust me on this on, Iowa: I had a ringside seat.’

‘Don’t you always?’ Karen remarked, turning her eyes skyward as she sighed with a mix of despair and reluctant amusement, but Bobby ignored her.

‘All I’m saying is that that fight was _so_ not the biggest deal on the planet, Karen. I mean, yeah, ok, Kyle is kind of a human cupcake and so he probably wouldn’t have let the fight get out of hand like that…mostly because he would’ve been busy being eaten alive, but, whatever. The point is: Jimmy was just protecting his friend – in the only way he’s ever known how. I mean, he told you he was trying, but he’s not going to un-learn all of his instincts in a half-hour, Iowa. Seriously. You’re great and all, but you’re not _that_ special.’

‘Bobby!’

‘What?!’ Bobby laughed, taking a sip of his drink and affecting an irritatingly nonchalant pose as he regarded her from the corner of his eye. ‘You picked me to ask for advice, Karen. What did you think I was going to say?! You remember the whole intervention thing, right?’ he asked her with a shrug. ‘Look: he made a bad choice, yeah. And he’s an idiot for spending the week getting drunk and obnoxious and putting his own show in jeopardy just because he didn’t get his own way for once.’ He sighed heavily and met Karen’s gaze with a steady, serious look. ‘But what I’m trying to point out to you, Iowa, is this: if he’s a jerk and you don’t want to get involved in his big, bad past – why do you care so much?’

 

Karen faltered. She had called Bobby on a whim; with Ana and Kyle mad at her, her options had been somewhat limited, and when faced with the choice of Bobby or Jessica, somehow she’d known that only Bobby would really cut to the heart of the matter in any meaningful way. She traced a pattern on the table in front of her, taking a moment to think and draw breath. Why did she care so much? It didn’t make sense to care. ‘I heard Sam auditioned for his part, by the way. How did that go down?’ Bobby’s voice cut into her thoughts, and she shot him a dry look that made him laugh. ‘Wow. That bad, huh?’

‘Shut up – how to you even know that already?! It was this morning!’ Karen told him, trying to stifle a laugh of her own, but Bobby just laughed harder, his face scrunched up and his head tipped back like he was glad of the comic relief.

 

When he finally calmed down, his expression went strangely calm, and he fixed Karen with a surprisingly piecing look, leaning forward slightly so that their faces were level.

‘Ok, Iowa. So here’s what I think: I think you’re in way over your head, and I think he’s going to hurt you even worse before this whole mess is over.’ He paused, inclining his head slightly and letting out a sigh. ‘But…’ He drew out the word, clearly debating whether or not to say what was on his mind and coming to the conclusion that she wouldn’t have called him in the first place if she’d wanted anything other than honesty. ‘I don’t think any of it matters. Not even kidding. I think he’s going to hurt you, and you’re going to let him, and you’re going to say you’re done with him…and then you’re going to let him pull you back in. And what you need to figure out is how determined you’re gonna be to actually stick it out and help him the next time he gives you the chance; because let’s face it, Iowa – he gave you one chance already, and all you proved to him was that he was right about how the people he trusts always seem to end up running away.’

 

Karen was saved from having to answer to Bobby’s all-seeing gaze by the sound of her phone buzzing, and when she glanced down at the message she winced slightly, looking at Bobby apologetically.

‘I’m sorry, Bobby – it’s Ana; Derek wants to go over something before the show tonight and everyone’s wondering where I am.’ Bobby smiled at her, a smile that was softer than his usual smile.

‘It’s fine, Iowa. It was nice seeing you again,’ he shrugged. ‘Just think about what I said, ok?’ he added, waggling his eyebrows at her and making her laugh. ‘Come on: you know I’m right,’ he grinned.

‘It was good to see you, Chorus Boy,’ she told him firmly, flashing him a smile as she got to her feet. ‘And thank you. For listening. And not judging…well, not entirely.’ She pressed a kiss to his cheek. ‘See you around, ok?’

‘I’ll hold you to that,’ he told her playfully, and she simply rolled her eyes at him.

‘Of course you will,’ she sighed, shaking her head and turning away.

 

Bobby twisted in his seat to watch her go, a smile still on his lips. He knew he still had friends, and even if those friends didn’t know him the way Jessica did, at least they still valued his opinions, and didn’t hold it against him when he told them what he was thinking without bothering to filter it. It was small comfort, of course, and Karen’s problems had only provided the briefest of distractions from his own; he tried to busy himself with his phone, flitting through text messages and his Twitter feed in the hope of finding something engrossing and dramatic to occupy his mind for a little longer.

 

‘Bobby?’ He jumped slightly at the sound of his name, looking up from his phone in surprise. A genuine grin cracked Bobby’s face as he identified the source of the voice: there, standing in front of him, was Dennis, bundled up in a chunky green woollen scarf that dwarfed him and wearing a perfect, twinkly-eyed smile.  
‘Well hey, Strawberries,’ he said, giving a little shimmy of his shoulders, his brown eyes flashing at Dennis mischievously, making him laugh, a slight blush colouring his cheeks.

‘Oh, so you’re calling me ‘Strawberries’ again now are you?’ he asked, arching an eyebrow. Bobby lifted one shoulder in a shrug that was studiedly casual.

‘Well, if the lip balm flavour fits…’ he remarked. Dennis smiled at him, sliding his bag off his shoulder and sitting down opposite Bobby at the table.

 

‘So, what are you even doing here? I know your favourite coffee places, and this isn’t one of them.’ Bobby tried to smother the slight smile that comment provoked; it still sometimes took him by surprise how well Dennis knew him, and not only that, but how many details he still remembered. He glanced down and flicked his hair out of his face, hoping Dennis didn’t catch the softness in his expression but suspecting the hope was futile.

‘Coffee with Iowa,’ he explained before rolling his eyes. ‘Although she ran away as soon as I told her something she didn’t want to hear,’ he added then and Dennis laughed.

‘So what was it this time? Boy problems or theatre drama?’ he asked brightly.

‘Both, naturally,’ Bobby replied dryly, meeting Dennis’ eyes and sharing a wry smirk with him. ‘They’re _kinda_ my areas of expertise, right?’

‘You have a lot of areas of expertise, Bobby – those are just the ones you enjoy talking about the most,’ Dennis teased, dark eyes sparkling with amusement, and Bobby grinned.

‘Oh, so you do actually listen when I talk then?’ he shot back. Dennis laughed and leant forwards somewhat conspiratorially, meeting Bobby’s gaze.

‘ _Always_ , Chorus Boy,’ he said in a low, gentle tone that immediately softened Bobby’s smile from impish to shy.

 

Dennis felt the sensation of his heart tightening in a mixture of delight and pride at provoking on of Bobby’s rare blushes and he quickly looked away to try and prevent a blush of his own. But Bobby caught him anyway, and he laughed, devilish and soft, his eyes crinkling at the corners and his hair falling in his face. Dazzling, ridiculous Bobby – albeit a fleeting glimpse. ‘So…I take it Iowa ditching you means a slot opened up in your busy schedule, huh?’ Dennis said, regarding Bobby out of the corner of his eye. Bobby affected an airy sigh, sitting back in his chair and tipping his head to one side, staring Dennis down mischievously. He slid his phone from his pocket, briefly inspecting the time before arching an eyebrow and looking back at Dennis once more.

‘Well look at that – you just got lucky, Bambi: I have ten minutes free.’ His smile was wicked as he slipped his phone back into his pocket and folded his arms. ‘I should warn you though: my time doesn’t come cheap – it’ll cost you,’ he added.

‘Can’t I just pay with my smile?’ Dennis joked back, his smile widening when Bobby rewarded him with a rough, genuine laugh.

‘Well if anyone can, Bambi…’ he said honestly.

 

Dennis tried to suppress the grin Bobby’s words provoked, but to little effect, and for a moment the two of them shared one of those looks that passes between old friends when they rediscover that, despite a passage of time, they can still manage to pick up their conversation more or less where they had left it. Bobby was the first to look away, glancing down in a rare moment of self-consciousness that made Dennis ache for him. For all Bobby’s smiles, it hadn’t escaped Dennis that there were still shadows beneath his eyes, and his usual easy confidence was broken up with too many moments of peculiar quiet. Bobby was a lot of things, but rarely quiet.

 

Dennis leant forward and rested his chin on his hand, regarding Bobby for a moment and considering how best to coax him into deeper conversation.

‘So, I saw you on TV today…’ he ventured after a beat. Bobby looked up immediately, flashing him a cheesy fake grin and titling his head to one side.

‘And was I fabulous and dashing?’ he asked, flicking his hair dramatically from his face. ‘Or did I look more…sleep-deprived and miserable, perhaps?’ Dennis aimed a harmless kick at him beneath the table in reprimand.

‘Hey: you always look amazing when you perform,’ he said with solemn sincerity. Bobby smiled softly, looking away.

‘Yeah, well, you’re biased, Bambi,’ he muttered, widening his eyes for effect. ‘Admit it: you’re just blinded by my dazzling good looks.’

‘You’re one of the best performers I know, actually,’ Dennis replied quietly. He gave a slight shrug, meeting Bobby’s curious gaze. ‘And you’re gorgeous too, for the record,’ he added. Bobby’s lips twitched in a brief half-smile. ‘I’m pretty sure you were born to be seen, you know. I’ve always thought that but…getting to see you from the other side for a change…I mean, watching you up there opening night at Bombshell I just…well, you know…’ Dennis laughed somewhat self-consciously, shaking his head. Bobby grinned.

‘You enjoyed yourself, huh?’ he intoned, arching an eyebrow. ‘About that though, Bambi: I thought they were very clear on the whole ‘no photos during the performance’ thing – you’re a rebel these days. And to think: I didn’t know you had it in you.’

‘Shut up,’ Dennis warned through a chuckle, rolling his eyes. ‘You were incredible, that’s all.’ He shrugged. ‘You always are,’ he added then, his voice quiet and shy ‘You can’t tell me I don’t mean it either, not since I’m coming back again on my day off next Thursday,’ he said, his smile widening when he saw a look of surprise briefly passing across Bobby’s face before he quickly smothered it, covering with a wicked smirk and a half-shrug.

‘Hey, we all know you’re just coming back to check up on your replacement in the chorus,’ Bobby told him and Dennis shook his head.

‘Believe what you want, Chorus Boy,’ he said with fond despair. Bobby chuckled, nodding slowly.

‘You know I will.’

‘And anyway: you _are_ my replacement in the chorus, technically…you were covering my track when I saw the show anyway.’

‘Nice attention to detail – you must really have been watching close,’ Bobby said in a low, amused voice, dark eyes watching Dennis thoughtfully.

 

Dennis couldn’t help but feel a flash of guilt as he looked at Bobby then; his face was so beautifully unguarded in that moment, his brown eyes alive and twinkling, his hair ruffled by the breeze as he tipped his head to one side, still smiling softly. It was exactly what he’d wanted – to soften his defences before asking the real questions that were on his mind. But in that moment it felt like a cruel tactic to have used, because Bobby looked so easy and content, so genuinely happy in his company, and that was obviously a feeling he had been short of lately. Yet still his instincts told him that what Bobby really wanted – and probably really needed – was for someone to be brave enough, and to understand him well enough, to see past his well-constructed pretence of being ok. He took a deep breath, studying Bobby’s face for a moment before sitting forwards.

‘So…’ he ventured at last, biting his lip. ‘I’m guessing you and Jess still aren’t talking?’

 

For a moment Bobby was silent. He was looking down, avoiding Dennis’ eyes as he traced his finger along the lid of his coffee cup, but Dennis noticed that, for some reason, the shutters had not immediately gone up at the change of topic. Bobby was still relaxed, still calm and composed. His sadness was clear in his face, but he was still powerfully present, not even thinking of hiding from Dennis’ knowing, caring gaze.

‘Actually, it’s worse,’ he admitted carefully after a moment, his voice little more than a murmur. ‘We did talk, finally. And it didn’t change anything.’ He shrugged, looking up at Dennis with a lopsided smile. ‘But…thank you, Bambi.’

‘What for?’ Dennis asked, making Bobby’s smile widen, albeit briefly.

‘For asking the question. For knowing better than to bullshit me.’ He took a deep breath and looked away. ‘It’s nice to talk to someone who isn’t spending half the conversation trying to walk on eggshells that aren’t even there.’

‘Even Sad Bobby is still Chorus Boy Bobby, right?’ Dennis reminded him gently. Bobby smiled, giving an almost imperceptible nod. ‘Come on. I know you better than to think you not being on all the time is some kind of fundamental character flaw.’ Dennis smiled kindly, rolling his eyes. ‘You’re human: it happens. I know you’re still always going to be bright, intense, crazy Bobby. But you’re allowed to have feelings, you know – people should stop assuming everything rolls off you. You included, Chorus Boy,’ he said with a certain firmness that seemed to take Bobby a little by surprise. He looked up and Dennis offered him another small smile. ‘It’s fine. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,’ he sighed. ‘I’m just saying I won’t think any less of you, you know?’

‘I get it, Bambi,’ Bobby said quietly. ‘I guess I just…I don’t even know what I want right now,’ he admitted. ‘Other than for none of it to have happened so I could have my best friend back.’ He shrugged helplessly. ‘I made one dumb mistake and I lost something that was even more important than I’d ever realised. And it changed my life…and I want it back.’

‘Trust me, I know that feeling,’ Dennis whispered. He pretended he didn’t notice the curious, piercing look Bobby gave him in reply. ‘So: what _did_ happen?’ he pressed instead.

 

Bobby looked down again then, taking a moment to consider the question. From the look on his face, Dennis surmised that a part of him probably wasn’t even sure how to answer the question: whilst the order of events was probably clear, Dennis suspected the cause needed unpicking, and Bobby was never one to launch into a story he hadn’t got all the plot twists to.

‘I don’t know if Jess is ever going to forgive me,’ he said slowly. ‘Not for real, anyway.’ Bobby narrowed his eyes, concentrating hard on a space in the middle-distance and chewing on his lip. ‘I think she wants to, actually. She told me as much. But she just…when she looks at me, I can see it in her face. The forgiveness isn’t there. Like she doesn’t get it, how and why I did it…even though I always thought it would just be obvious to anyone who knew me well enough, you know?’ Bobby closed his eyes for a moment, drawing in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. ‘God, it kills me, Bambi. Because I thought Jess got it, you know? I thought Jess, of all people, didn’t need me to explain who I am to her. And her not seeing it like that is crazy and it hurts.’ He shook his head. ‘And I can’t live like that, Bambi – it’s not my thing to not be honest with my friends, even when it might be easier. I won't pretend I can deal when I can't.’ He glanced up at Dennis, who gave him a sympathetic smile that he returned briefly. ‘The thing about Jess not forgiving me…it’s like she might as well be telling me she never really knew who I was to begin with. And that’s the part that hurts the absolute most, because of everyone I’ve ever known? She was the person who I thought saw me the most completely…and she was still able to like me despite it.’ He rolled his eyes in an attempt at dismissiveness that wasn’t enough to convince Dennis. ‘I know it’s crazy. I know it’s stupid. But it’s how I felt. And I needed having someone like her in my life like that…I really did. I still do, honestly. And her being like this…it changes everything. And I just don’t know if I can ever make that ok.’

‘So where do the two of you stand now?’ Dennis asked carefully.

‘I wish I knew,’ Bobby whispered in reply, closing his eyes and swallowing hard. Dennis pretended not to hear the tightness in his voice as he spoke. ‘But I can’t take the half-truce she’s offering, Bambi. You know me: I’m all or nothing. And I just don’t know if I could take living life waiting to see which side of the fence she was going to drop down on.’

 

Dennis took a moment to consider it. He didn’t know for sure what Jessica might have said, but he could certainly take a guess. And yet, at the same time, he was also fairly sure it was obvious that, in the end, Jessica would always come down on Bobby’s side of the fence – things might be difficult for her now, but she would forgive Bobby anything and she likely saw that, whatever sort of moral grey area the situation might have been in, Bobby’s actions had still always been well-intentioned. So why couldn’t Bobby see it? Why was Bobby prepared to walk away from his closest friend just on the off-chance she might one day decide to walk away from him?

 

‘Look, Bobby…the last time we spoke, you told me you were bulletproof.’ Dennis said slowly, looking over at Bobby thoughtfully, trying to judge if he should risk saying what was on his mind. Bobby looked back at him curiously, an openness in his expression which was rare for him and which reassured Dennis that he was right to take the risk of going in.  ‘But honestly, the problem with that is: you’re not bulletproof, Chorus Boy. Actually you’re fearless.’

‘That makes no sense, you know.’

‘Actually? It’s the only thing that makes sense about you,’ Dennis teased gently, flashing Bobby a small, mischievous smile before blowing out a breath. ‘Look, I’m serious, Bobby: this is who you are…you’re _not_ bulletproof. You just wish you were – because maybe it wouldn’t take so much out of you every time you have pick yourself back up off the floor again.’ Dennis leant forwards and placed his hand over Bobby’s looking him in the eye. ‘But the thing is, you know: you always _do_ pick yourself up. You are the king of dusting yourself off, looking everyone in the eye, and proving them wrong. You’re fearless.’ He smiled. ‘You’re fearless, Chorus Boy. Seriously.’

‘Fearless? Really, Bambi?’ Bobby quirked an eyebrow, sceptical, but Dennis squeezed his hand tightly, offering him another, softer smile.

‘Hey, fearless doesn’t have to mean never being afraid, ok?’ He shrugged. ‘So maybe you get scared like the rest of us. Even if you don’t admit it as often. And maybe you know how to give good face – in fact, no, you _definitely_ know how to give good face.’ He grinned and Bobby laughed slightly. ‘But what makes you special, Bobby, is that you get scared and yet you still do it anyway. You are capable of so many crazy, impossible things – and you always do them, even when it would be easier for you to just walk away. You don’t change what you believe in for anyone and you don’t give up – you keep going and you never forget who you are. It’s your stubborn streak, maybe, I don’t know. But whatever it is? You always seem to find a way to pick yourself up and stare the world down when you need to. I mean: you walked into my cover run that day despite the fact that we’d just broken up and that your absolute worst ex was also in the building. You stuck it out with Bombshell even when it looked like it might never get to Broadway. You walked into Ivy’s dressing room that night in Boston and you didn’t even flinch.’ Dennis smiled. ‘You don’t do doubt. You don’t do changing who you are. And even when things get to you? You don’t do staying down. You get back out of bed and you show up to work with a smile on your face and some stupid joke on your tongue and you don’t change who you are for the sake of life being a little easier. You were made to challenge people, Bobby. You make them better for it, too. So take it from someone who’s watched it first hand: you are made for impossible, incredible things.’

‘So, what: I was built to be alone?’

‘No. The opposite, actually,’ Dennis told him sincerely. ‘I think Jess is probably closer to forgiving you than you think…but, even without her? You _do_ have friends, Bobby. You just have to stop distrusting yourself long enough to take stock and see it.’ Dennis squeezed Bobby’s hand again, looking him in the eye. ‘There are plenty of people in this town who know how much light there is in you. People who aren’t scared by you being so sharp and bright all the time. You are honest and loyal and cuttingly funny…and there’s a lot of people who know you will always be there for them in a way no one else can be. Because your sheer force of will, you total lack of real judgment: that’s special.  Your ability to forgive, to see people for who they really are and to believe in them is not something you get every day, not even from your closest friends, and it’s definitely not something many people are capable of. Anyone who doesn’t realise that about you? They’re the ones losing out. So…there is nothing to be afraid of, Bobby. Stop assuming the worst: even if the worst happens, and Jessica really can’t forgive you…it doesn’t mean everyone’s going to turn their back on you. Have a little faith in who you are – try and remember how many friends that has won you, and don’t blame every loss on yourself.’

 

Bobby was quiet for a long time, and Dennis almost wondered if he’d said too much. But then, slowly, Bobby finally looked back up at him, a small, pale smile gracing his lips as he regarded his face for a moment.

‘Where are you sitting next week?’ Dennis frowned in confusion. ‘At Bombshell, I mean,’ Bobby clarified.

‘Front row, stage right. Why?’ Dennis replied, still wrong-footed by the sudden change in topic. But Bobby’s eyes were suddenly dancing with light, and he arched an eyebrow, looking into Dennis’ face with a bright, piercing intensity, suddenly all kinetic energy the way Dennis had never known anyone but Bobby to be. With a flash of his eyes, Bobby sat up ever so slightly before bringing his fingers to his lips, blowing Dennis an elegant kiss across the table. He leant forward with the movement, tipping his chin up a little, and he finished the gesture by waggling his fingers mischievously, his eyes still fixed intently upon Dennis' face.

‘My signature, Bambi,’ he explained in a low, amused tone, and then he shrugged, flopping back again with a quietly contented smile, his body suddenly languid and catlike once more. ‘I mean…I’ve got to know where to aim, right?’ he asked Dennis with a grin. ‘You said it yourself: it’s who I am.’

 

 

 

***

 

 

_‘I guess it matters more to me that someone care enough to risk getting stung, you know? I’ve always been the same. I’m prickly. I know I am, you don’t have to pretend I’m all sunshine and rainbows – I’m not, no one is…and I’m probably more likely to bite than most. Jess and me work because she knows when to push me – just because I would rather not talk about something, it doesn’t mean she’ll let it lie. There’s always going to be times when you want to put off a conversation…but the people who really care about you? They will always find their moment eventually, Bambi. Trust me’ Bobby smiled softly at him, shrugging. ‘You think I’m being weirdly intense, right? I know you do so don’t lie: but that’s the thing you see – actually taking me at face value versus getting to know me? Means figuring out what all my stories are supposed to mean.’ He studied Dennis’ face for a moment, one eyebrow arched. ‘It’s ok. You’ll figure me out one day. Or not.’ He laughed softly and sighed. ‘I think it’s your smile, actually – it makes me hopeful, even when maybe I shouldn’t be.’_

***

 

Jessica hurried down the corridor towards the small corner dance studio, sending out a silent prayer that her dance bag would still be sitting in the corner where she had left it after her afternoon tap class, and hoping that, by some miracle, her phone would still be inside. As she reached the door to the room, she was surprised to find it open, music echoing off the studio walls and out into the corridor. The schedule had said that there were no classes in the studio for another hour, but as Jessica peered cautiously in she saw a lone figure, eyes focused on the mirror as he danced, making his way around the room in a series of impressive leaps and turns. What took her back the most, however, was that she recognised the man: Joel.

 

Joel had been Bobby’s best friend before he had known Jessica, though their friendship was conducted mostly through text messages and regular email exchanges whilst Joel worked his way through half the world’s ballet companies. The two had met at the bar Bobby worked at on and off, way back when Joel had been on his first (of many) guest stints with the New York City Ballet – Bobby had made him cocktails, told him ridiculous stories and bonded with him over a shared love of blunt honesty and the utterly ridiculous. The two were far more alike than Bobby and Jessica had ever been (Joel was to ballet what Bobby was to Broadway), and it had always played on Jessica’s mind: she’d felt a certain irrational jealousy over Joel and Bobby’s friendship, and back in the early days of knowing Bobby, there had been moments where she had felt a little insecure that perhaps all Bobby saw in her was proximity, and that if Joel was ever in town long enough then Bobby would soon forget about her entirely. It still made Jessica smile to recall the way Bobby had looked at her when she’d admitted the fear to him, the warm, low roughness of his voice as he’d told her ‘Plenty of people in New York want to be my friend, Jess. I chose you’ and pressed a kiss into her hair.

 

For a moment Jessica found herself frozen in the doorway, watching Joel dance. He was an incredible dancer – Jessica had only ever seen him perform once, but Bobby had always raved about him, and watching him glide about the tiny studio space she had to admit she could understand why. Somehow his power and presence was magnified in such an enclosed space in a way she hadn’t appreciated when she’d seen him several years ago, a slight, spinning dot on a vast, open stage. As you would expect of someone Bobby loved so fiercely, Joel was a bundle of contradiction. He was impossibly sweet, all wide brown eyes that were too large for his face and an endearingly irreverent sense of humour. He was gentle-voiced and quiet, but there was a certain frenetic edge to his energy that made him seem to spark and bristle. As Jessica watched him move along to the music, she noticed how every movement he made was possessed of an enchanting natural grace. He had the slight, angular figure of a ballet dancer, his small, bony frame making him seem somehow delicate and fascinating, but from the scattering of stories Bobby had told her, Jessica knew that Joel was also a human hurricane, self-possessed, determined and crazy, with a wicked sense of humour. He was a perfectionist, full of precision and sharpness, and Jessica could tell just by watching him dance that he – like Bobby – had a unique sense of focus about him when he performed. So much so, in fact, that he didn’t notice Jessica coming into the room for a good minute or so, somehow only spotting her half way through a turn sequence which he promptly let himself fall out of, a wild, genuine grin forming on his face.

 

‘Jessica!’ Joel beamed as he finally stopped the momentum of his turns and elegantly let himself fall back. ‘How are you?’ he asked as he caught his breath, moving across to grab up a sweater from the back of the room and leaning down to stop his music.

‘Oh, you know…exhausted, the usual. Bombshell is crazy…I’m sure Bobby told you already,’ Jessica replied, giving him an awkward shrug and hoping he didn’t pick up on her discomfort. She had no idea just how much Bobby might or might not have told Joel about the state of their friendship, but she was desperate to avoid having to tell him herself – she was sure she couldn’t take going over it all with one of the few people on the planet who knew Bobby as well as she did. ‘So…what are you doing back in town?’ she deflected with a slight wince, and when she looked up Joel met her gaze. A knowing, amused look briefly danced in his eyes, and Jessica suddenly knew with absolute conviction that he had been told everything. And yet, strangely, he didn’t look like he was about to hold it over her; she’d always had a slightly ambivalent attitude towards Joel in the past, cautious of the fact she had more or less stolen his best friend from him. It was something of a revelation to her that Joel might never actually have seen it that way.

‘I’m not around for long. Cats national tour: they called me up because of a casting emergency.’ His big brown eyes glinted with mirth. ‘Two weeks before they’re due out on the road their Mistoffelees falls off a stage and dislocates a knee. I’ve worked with the producer before, and a couple of people in the cast had done the show with me in other countries…so they asked if I was free. I’d just got done in a ballet in London…now here I am. I’ve been teaching a few classes to cover my costs before heading out on the road.’ He shrugged then, his smile twisting impishly as he arched an eyebrow at her. ‘Of course, you’d know all that if you and Bobby were actually talking,’ he pointed out in a mildly amused tone.

 

Jessica winced. Logically, she knew Bobby probably would have told him, but it still hurt somehow to know for sure. Her old insecurity flared up, briefly, and when she looked at Joel she was surprised to see a look on understanding on his face. ‘For what it’s worth, he didn’t offer that information easily,’ he said, offering her another shrug. ‘And for the record? You’re still his best friend, you know. You always have been. Trust me on this one: I’m just the guy who actually believes his crazy stories. Which, by the way? Includes when he re-tells me my own stories. He tells the story about my predecessor’s dramatic fall way better than I do.’ Joel laughed, rolling his eyes. ‘You should ask him about it – it makes a good icebreaker.’ Jessica smiled, genuinely grateful to him for his sympathy but still not convinced he was right. Joel and Bobby were just so similar; their sense of humour, their sharp, knowing looks. She was willing to bet that if Joel had been the one whose boyfriend Bobby had run out of town, he probably would’ve been the first person offering to buy him a cocktail to thank him.

‘Thank you, but…I think it would take more than a good story to get Bobby to talk to me right now,’ she sighed. Joel laughed, rolling his eyes.

‘I find that hard to believe. Bobby adores you, always has: you’re soul mates.’

‘Soul mates?!’ Jessica laughed.

‘Bobby and me have a theory that soul mates are real, they’re just not always romantic.’

‘Bobby doesn’t believe in fate,’ Jessica pointed out. Joel grinned.

‘He believes in stories though. And in those stories having a good cast.’

‘Well, expect a new casting call to be put out soon, because me and him kind of had it out this morning…and it didn’t end well,’ Jessica grimaced. Joel let out another bright laugh – it wasn’t unkind, but the dismissiveness of it still took Jessica by surprise.

‘Funny thing is, he said the exact same thing to me about half an hour ago. Word for word.’ He gave an offhanded shrug. ‘We had it out this morning, Jo, and it didn’t end well – mind if we cancel cocktails? – he said he didn’t know how to function in a world where you two weren’t best friends.’ Joel rolled his eyes. ‘I told him having cocktails with me after his show tonight would be a good start and he called me a bitch and said he’d meet me at stage door.’ Jessica felt a small, sad laugh bubble up within in her, and she shook her head.

‘Yeah, that sounds like Bobby.’

 

Joel reached down and pulled a water bottle from his bag, lifting it to his lips and taking a swig. Jessica could feel him studying her out of the corner of his eye and she shifted uncomfortably, casting a quick look around the room for her dance bag and trying to come up with a polite way to get out of there without saying anything more.

‘Look, I know I’m probably the last person you want to talk about this with…but I do know a thing or two about Bobby…’

‘Joel, I don’t-’

‘Jessica, I’m not going to tell you how to feel about what he did, that’s your choice. But try and see this argument from his side.’ Joel sighed, setting down his drink and raking a hand through his fluffy brown hair so that his fringe stuck up at awkward angles. ‘Believe it or not, Bobby never told me the whole story of what went on between him and Kurt. But I know it nearly wrecked him. He recovered, learnt how to be Bobby again but…it stayed with him. You know that.’

‘I know,’ Jessica whispered, looking down sadly.

‘So then you also know why this fight is getting to him so much - he’s not decided to stop talking to you because he doesn’t want to be your best friend ever again, he’s decided to stop talking to you because he thinks it’ll be easier than having to you tell him _you’ve_ decided _you_ don’t want to be his best friend ever again.’ Joel smiled at Jessica’s wide-eyed stare, laughing slightly. ‘I know you were upset, Jess. But still…you basically threw a live grenade at him that day. And now he’s running because he can’t take another explosion.’ Joel sighed. ‘You know as well as I do, Jess: Bobby has spent most of his life being misunderstood – by teachers, by kids at school, by his own family even. He’s used to people taking him at face value and not thinking there’s anything more there than some bitchy, Broadway drama queen. He’s also spent a lot of his life finding ways to not care. Or to pretend to not care, depending who’s listening. Being friends with someone like you – someone everyone loves, who is sweet and popular and such an obviously good person…it taught him how to make himself better too. And it made him more ok with all the people who didn’t get him: he had proof he wasn’t awful, because he had a best friend like you.’

‘So?’

‘So, Jessica: you were his safe place, to break, to bitch. To be Bobby…and to not have to worry about it coming off the wrong way. He thought he could be himself around you and you would never see him any differently for it. And the minute you told you he was terrible – even if you didn’t mean it – it put all of that stuff into doubt. Maybe he’s not a good person, maybe everyone was right, maybe he is terrible, awful, not serious enough…Bobby would rather be alone in the world than have to question who he is like that. Not talking to you is self-preservation. And that’s Bobby’s biggest skill in life: he will survive no matter what. It’s also his biggest flaw; he’s lost a lot for the sake of surviving, one way and another. There’s a lot of conversations he’s had to let go of along the way. So this time it’s up to you – how much does survival really have to cost?’

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

_‘It’s funny, you know? I always thought I was so comfortable being crazy Bobby, wild Bobby who was in everyone’s favourite stories. But I guess I didn’t realise how hard I was always having to try until I met Jess. Because once she was around, I started to be more myself than I ever was before. I could still be wild, crazy Bobby with all the stories…but I didn’t have to work so hard at it. And I keep meaning to tell her that…but for some reason, as close as we are…the words always just get away.’ Bobby frowned slightly, tilting his head to one side. ‘But I think, deep down, she already knows…which is what makes it all ok. No conversation ever really gets away from me and her. We know each other enough that, when the time is right? We fall back together. I know that much for sure.’_

 


End file.
